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Coping with loss…

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How have Fabbers coped with the death of loved ones?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hope that’s not too heavy a topic on a Saturday night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you ever cope, you just learn to live without them one day at a time.

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By *enuine MikeMan
over a year ago

Guildford

We are all different and all grieve in many different ways.

I lock myself away, keep myself to myself and simply cry it out

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We are all different and all grieve in many different ways.

I lock myself away, keep myself to myself and simply cry it out"

(Hug)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coping with loss is usually a very personal experience and different for everyone.

In my opinion there is no right or wrong way to grieve for the loss of someone or something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not had any really close deaths so far thankfully but had other tragic events happen to close family and I usually try to get back to normal life as quickly as possible. If I have other things to think about, it takes my mind off what happened so I don't overthink it.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

It's hard but time does help. I can still be brought to tears over my father's death almost two years ago.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you OK OP? x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Are you OK OP? x"

Oh yes QoH… I think the events of this week has triggered the question.

I lost my folks over a 9 month period a few years back… I dealt with it by burying myself into work and life… probably not healthy…

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It's hard but time does help. I can still be brought to tears over my father's death almost two years ago. "

Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are you OK OP? x

Oh yes QoH… I think the events of this week has triggered the question.

I lost my folks over a 9 month period a few years back… I dealt with it by burying myself into work and life… probably not healthy… "

Appreciate you didn’t ask for advice but just incase anyone is struggling, following a bereavement - Cruse national helpline

0808 808 1677

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I didn't cope at all. Lost quite a few people, unexpectedly in a reasonably short amount of time. Made me quite ill.

Took me years to come to terms with it. One reason why I don't get sucked into mass grief.

Now, I have different ways to remember people, songs, dates, rituals etc.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Are you OK OP? x

Oh yes QoH… I think the events of this week has triggered the question.

I lost my folks over a 9 month period a few years back… I dealt with it by burying myself into work and life… probably not healthy…

Appreciate you didn’t ask for advice but just incase anyone is struggling, following a bereavement - Cruse national helpline

0808 808 1677"

Thanks - but I have a colleague who just lost his dad and had a really bad end to winding up the estate - he is in a bad way.., I will pass that on to him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lost my Mum 6 years ago...didn't really cope, still grieving and slowly learning to live without her

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I didn't cope at all. Lost quite a few people, unexpectedly in a reasonably short amount of time. Made me quite ill.

Took me years to come to terms with it. One reason why I don't get sucked into mass grief.

Now, I have different ways to remember people, songs, dates, rituals etc."

When it is a lot of close people - that is really unnerving as well as sad… I lost friends and family due to covid.

How true about not getting sucked into mass grieving.. people might think you are uncaring but sod that you walked the walk and you don’t have to look after your mental health.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lost my Mum 6 years ago...didn't really cope, still grieving and slowly learning to live without her "

X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think recent events have caused a lot of people to reassess loss.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Are you OK OP? x

Oh yes QoH… I think the events of this week has triggered the question.

I lost my folks over a 9 month period a few years back… I dealt with it by burying myself into work and life… probably not healthy…

Appreciate you didn’t ask for advice but just incase anyone is struggling, following a bereavement - Cruse national helpline

0808 808 1677"

I appreciate that you're offering help but phone numbers aren't allowed in tne forum

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Not so well with the death of my Grandad. Better with others. No idea HOW I did or why it was easier with others, but I still haven't really properly grieved for my Grandad over 18 months later.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think it's messy and unpredictable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lost my mrs 6 years ago and my mam 5 and half years ago and still at times dont know if grieved properly i just went into autopilot with it happening quickly and them close togther i dont know what id be like if wasnt for my little one thats kept me going. Everyone is diff they deal with things differently thats for sure

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not so well with the death of my Grandad. Better with others. No idea HOW I did or why it was easier with others, but I still haven't really properly grieved for my Grandad over 18 months later. "

Were you particularly close to your grandfather?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Not so well with the death of my Grandad. Better with others. No idea HOW I did or why it was easier with others, but I still haven't really properly grieved for my Grandad over 18 months later.

Were you particularly close to your grandfather?"

Massively. He pretty much brought me up, along with my Grandma. I coped better with her death (10 years ago). Perhaps it's because they are both gone, house sold etc? I don't know. But yes, my Grandparents were more like my parents.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not so well with the death of my Grandad. Better with others. No idea HOW I did or why it was easier with others, but I still haven't really properly grieved for my Grandad over 18 months later.

Were you particularly close to your grandfather?

Massively. He pretty much brought me up, along with my Grandma. I coped better with her death (10 years ago). Perhaps it's because they are both gone, house sold etc? I don't know. But yes, my Grandparents were more like my parents. "

Yes when you lose that last link.. it’s harder hit… but like a lot of messages.. cherish the memories and let time be a healer… well it only dulls the pain.. but can only smile at what has been

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Difficult don't believe I've had the opportunity to grieve properly as I still feel numb

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Not so well with the death of my Grandad. Better with others. No idea HOW I did or why it was easier with others, but I still haven't really properly grieved for my Grandad over 18 months later.

Were you particularly close to your grandfather?

Massively. He pretty much brought me up, along with my Grandma. I coped better with her death (10 years ago). Perhaps it's because they are both gone, house sold etc? I don't know. But yes, my Grandparents were more like my parents.

Yes when you lose that last link.. it’s harder hit… but like a lot of messages.. cherish the memories and let time be a healer… well it only dulls the pain.. but can only smile at what has been"

He sits and smiles out at me on my WFH desk. I like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my wife, my brother in law and my dad all within the last five years. Personally for me, it’s not something you get over, it’s something that you learn to live with.

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle

“Grief is love with nowhere to go”

I’ve had a couple of big losses in my life and I don’t think you ever get over it, the pain just eases or fades a little in time. I think the best way to cope is to keep busy, be surrounded with the people you love and can be yourself with, cry if you need to, talk about them and your memories, try and do little things that you know would make them proud and take as much time as you need. Grief can not be rushed x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I lost my wife, my brother in law and my dad all within the last five years. Personally for me, it’s not something you get over, it’s something that you learn to live with."

Those are huge losses… so many in such short period of time is a lot to process

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"“Grief is love with nowhere to go”

I’ve had a couple of big losses in my life and I don’t think you ever get over it, the pain just eases or fades a little in time. I think the best way to cope is to keep busy, be surrounded with the people you love and can be yourself with, cry if you need to, talk about them and your memories, try and do little things that you know would make them proud and take as much time as you need. Grief can not be rushed x"

So true - and cut out negative people… I learnt that

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

.

Losing my husband made me a different person. Part of me went with him.

People always told me I was so strong, but what choice did I have?

I honestly don’t know how I’ve coped. My children definitely keep me going.

It’s just as time goes on it gets easier to cope with. The memories never leave you.

Like someone said above it’s like you’re on autopilot.

Lost my young niece a few years ago. Life can be incredibly cruel.

Hope you’re ok op

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

My wife is dead, my mum may only have days to live, but if you made the living years count, bereavement is nothing. Apart from birthday cruises, and other foreign holidays, I often mention that I've sailed my mum, and my wife up the Grand Canal in Venice on a gondola before George Clooney even thought about it, but for some strange reason the crowds didn't hang out of their windows to wave at us, can't think why. Not a bad shout for someone that the educated idiots in the teaching profession wrote off before the age of sixteen. If you made the living years count you never look back with regrets.

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

.


"My wife is dead, my mum may only have days to live, but if you made the living years count, bereavement is nothing. Apart from birthday cruises, and other foreign holidays, I often mention that I've sailed my mum, and my wife up the Grand Canal in Venice on a gondola before George Clooney even thought about it, but for some strange reason the crowds didn't hang out of their windows to wave at us, can't think why. Not a bad shout for someone that the educated idiots in the teaching profession wrote off before the age of sixteen. If you made the living years count you never look back with regrets. "

I wouldn’t agree that bereavement is nothing. My husband and and I made the tears count, but losing him blew my children and my worlds apart

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

.


"My wife is dead, my mum may only have days to live, but if you made the living years count, bereavement is nothing. Apart from birthday cruises, and other foreign holidays, I often mention that I've sailed my mum, and my wife up the Grand Canal in Venice on a gondola before George Clooney even thought about it, but for some strange reason the crowds didn't hang out of their windows to wave at us, can't think why. Not a bad shout for someone that the educated idiots in the teaching profession wrote off before the age of sixteen. If you made the living years count you never look back with regrets.

I wouldn’t agree that bereavement is nothing. My husband and and I made the tears count, but losing him blew my children and my worlds apart "

*years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I appreciate that you're offering help but phone numbers aren't allowed in tne forum"

Sorry pls delete x

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle


"“Grief is love with nowhere to go”

I’ve had a couple of big losses in my life and I don’t think you ever get over it, the pain just eases or fades a little in time. I think the best way to cope is to keep busy, be surrounded with the people you love and can be yourself with, cry if you need to, talk about them and your memories, try and do little things that you know would make them proud and take as much time as you need. Grief can not be rushed x

So true - and cut out negative people… I learnt that"

I think significant deaths change you in ways you can’t imagine. I’m fat less tolerant of people than I used to be. I’m much more selective with how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I also don’t feel the need to make as many excuses - if I don’t want to do something/ go somewhere/ see someone, then that is reason enough. Life if too short x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My mum died in March. To be honest I find my dad's grief harder to cope with than my own

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle


"“Grief is love with nowhere to go”

I’ve had a couple of big losses in my life and I don’t think you ever get over it, the pain just eases or fades a little in time. I think the best way to cope is to keep busy, be surrounded with the people you love and can be yourself with, cry if you need to, talk about them and your memories, try and do little things that you know would make them proud and take as much time as you need. Grief can not be rushed x

So true - and cut out negative people… I learnt that

I think significant deaths change you in ways you can’t imagine. I’m fat less tolerant of people than I used to be. I’m much more selective with how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I also don’t feel the need to make as many excuses - if I don’t want to do something/ go somewhere/ see someone, then that is reason enough. Life if too short x"

*far

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By *jorkishMan
over a year ago

Seaforth

Lost my mum, my wife, and dad all in the space of 3yrs. The loss of my wife was the worst, totally devastated and so were my 9 children. It doesn't heal completely but is like a wound with a bandage on. Significant periods the bandage comes off

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

It’s never really easy. But with the hours, the days, the years it slowly gets better. but for me anniversary are the hardest.

I find it easiest to confined in people you really know and trust and just talk and be very open

But it will be okay Op.

it will take some time but you will be okay. Just be patient

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"“Grief is love with nowhere to go”

I’ve had a couple of big losses in my life and I don’t think you ever get over it, the pain just eases or fades a little in time. I think the best way to cope is to keep busy, be surrounded with the people you love and can be yourself with, cry if you need to, talk about them and your memories, try and do little things that you know would make them proud and take as much time as you need. Grief can not be rushed x

So true - and cut out negative people… I learnt that

I think significant deaths change you in ways you can’t imagine. I’m fat less tolerant of people than I used to be. I’m much more selective with how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I also don’t feel the need to make as many excuses - if I don’t want to do something/ go somewhere/ see someone, then that is reason enough. Life if too short x"

This is the exact same way as i think after certain losses i realised how short life was

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My mum died in March. To be honest I find my dad's grief harder to cope with than my own"

That is very raw still x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"“Grief is love with nowhere to go”

I’ve had a couple of big losses in my life and I don’t think you ever get over it, the pain just eases or fades a little in time. I think the best way to cope is to keep busy, be surrounded with the people you love and can be yourself with, cry if you need to, talk about them and your memories, try and do little things that you know would make them proud and take as much time as you need. Grief can not be rushed x

So true - and cut out negative people… I learnt that

I think significant deaths change you in ways you can’t imagine. I’m fat less tolerant of people than I used to be. I’m much more selective with how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I also don’t feel the need to make as many excuses - if I don’t want to do something/ go somewhere/ see someone, then that is reason enough. Life if too short x

This is the exact same way as i think after certain losses i realised how short life was "

Oh yes - life is short - and moves at a pace where years speed up so quickly…. I think back at how when I was young, time dragged - now it’s going so fast. One reason I came here to make some happy naughty memories

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I embraced my feelings and let them change as they are meant to, they can cycle as many times as is needed until it hurts a little less one day

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle


"“Grief is love with nowhere to go”

I’ve had a couple of big losses in my life and I don’t think you ever get over it, the pain just eases or fades a little in time. I think the best way to cope is to keep busy, be surrounded with the people you love and can be yourself with, cry if you need to, talk about them and your memories, try and do little things that you know would make them proud and take as much time as you need. Grief can not be rushed x

So true - and cut out negative people… I learnt that

I think significant deaths change you in ways you can’t imagine. I’m fat less tolerant of people than I used to be. I’m much more selective with how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I also don’t feel the need to make as many excuses - if I don’t want to do something/ go somewhere/ see someone, then that is reason enough. Life if too short x

This is the exact same way as i think after certain losses i realised how short life was "

It is so short. Sometimes I wish I could hurry my grief along as I know the time is whizzing by, but just have to ride the waves and take each day as it comes

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea


"My wife is dead, my mum may only have days to live, but if you made the living years count, bereavement is nothing. Apart from birthday cruises, and other foreign holidays, I often mention that I've sailed my mum, and my wife up the Grand Canal in Venice on a gondola before George Clooney even thought about it, but for some strange reason the crowds didn't hang out of their windows to wave at us, can't think why. Not a bad shout for someone that the educated idiots in the teaching profession wrote off before the age of sixteen. If you made the living years count you never look back with regrets.

I wouldn’t agree that bereavement is nothing. My husband and and I made the tears count, but losing him blew my children and my worlds apart "

We lost my dad leaving my mum widowed at a very young age so I kinda get what you've been through, and that's why I've been so particularly protective of my mum, including raising the stakes with the NHS to a judicial review of my mum's case when they tried playing the DNR card against our wishes, and events proved that we were right, and they were wrong. Even nurse's have said that they hoped that their kids look after them like we do our mum. I sincerely hope that your kids are always there for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I lost my wife, my brother in law and my dad all within the last five years. Personally for me, it’s not something you get over, it’s something that you learn to live with.

Those are huge losses… so many in such short period of time is a lot to process"

It is, and it’s certainly not been an easy road to travel, especially bringing up my son and having to deal with the grief and frustration he has had too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"“Grief is love with nowhere to go”

I’ve had a couple of big losses in my life and I don’t think you ever get over it, the pain just eases or fades a little in time. I think the best way to cope is to keep busy, be surrounded with the people you love and can be yourself with, cry if you need to, talk about them and your memories, try and do little things that you know would make them proud and take as much time as you need. Grief can not be rushed x

So true - and cut out negative people… I learnt that

I think significant deaths change you in ways you can’t imagine. I’m fat less tolerant of people than I used to be. I’m much more selective with how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I also don’t feel the need to make as many excuses - if I don’t want to do something/ go somewhere/ see someone, then that is reason enough. Life if too short x

This is the exact same way as i think after certain losses i realised how short life was

It is so short. Sometimes I wish I could hurry my grief along as I know the time is whizzing by, but just have to ride the waves and take each day as it comes "

The waves will come but its how we ride them and deal with them on a daily basis is the main thing i have my days were the waves of emtion are up there and ither days were im high on life

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I’ve been belligerent at times… angry and almost looked for a fight.. (ok - first time I’ve admitted this in public and outside of one other person)

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle


"“Grief is love with nowhere to go”

I’ve had a couple of big losses in my life and I don’t think you ever get over it, the pain just eases or fades a little in time. I think the best way to cope is to keep busy, be surrounded with the people you love and can be yourself with, cry if you need to, talk about them and your memories, try and do little things that you know would make them proud and take as much time as you need. Grief can not be rushed x

So true - and cut out negative people… I learnt that

I think significant deaths change you in ways you can’t imagine. I’m fat less tolerant of people than I used to be. I’m much more selective with how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I also don’t feel the need to make as many excuses - if I don’t want to do something/ go somewhere/ see someone, then that is reason enough. Life if too short x

This is the exact same way as i think after certain losses i realised how short life was

It is so short. Sometimes I wish I could hurry my grief along as I know the time is whizzing by, but just have to ride the waves and take each day as it comes

The waves will come but its how we ride them and deal with them on a daily basis is the main thing i have my days were the waves of emtion are up there and ither days were im high on life "

Absolutely, it’s bizarre isn’t it, and then when you have the good times and the laughter, it’s followed by guilt for the moments you haven’t spent thinking about those who have been lost. I was once told by a doctor that the initial grieving process is seven months (to go through different phases… shock, anger, guilt, etc), but I believe it is far far longer than that x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"“Grief is love with nowhere to go”

I’ve had a couple of big losses in my life and I don’t think you ever get over it, the pain just eases or fades a little in time. I think the best way to cope is to keep busy, be surrounded with the people you love and can be yourself with, cry if you need to, talk about them and your memories, try and do little things that you know would make them proud and take as much time as you need. Grief can not be rushed x

So true - and cut out negative people… I learnt that

I think significant deaths change you in ways you can’t imagine. I’m fat less tolerant of people than I used to be. I’m much more selective with how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I also don’t feel the need to make as many excuses - if I don’t want to do something/ go somewhere/ see someone, then that is reason enough. Life if too short x

This is the exact same way as i think after certain losses i realised how short life was

It is so short. Sometimes I wish I could hurry my grief along as I know the time is whizzing by, but just have to ride the waves and take each day as it comes

The waves will come but its how we ride them and deal with them on a daily basis is the main thing i have my days were the waves of emtion are up there and ither days were im high on life

Absolutely, it’s bizarre isn’t it, and then when you have the good times and the laughter, it’s followed by guilt for the moments you haven’t spent thinking about those who have been lost. I was once told by a doctor that the initial grieving process is seven months (to go through different phases… shock, anger, guilt, etc), but I believe it is far far longer than that x"

Well its 6 years for me i still have guilt and angry moments know not as often but there still there but agree with you you do feel guilty when do certain things as you wanted to do them with whoever you have lossed x

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