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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

..how attached are you? To thoughts, words, beliefs or people.

I'm reading about not attaching to thoughts and letting them affect you. It says the same thing about people...

...but how do you not attach to your husband/wife/partner? How do you not let their words or actions affect you? I'm struggling with idea.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't really know how attached I am because I have nothing to compare it to.

I think that being detached from your partner and family emotionally is a bad thing.

I don't know how you stop your loved ones words from affecting you without becoming detached from them emotionally and effectively stop feeling anything for them.

Personally I find it very easy to not let strangers words affect me.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

I'm not at all and attached person and if there's the case i'm attached to someone that only happen till they betrayed my trust , loyalty, friendship ... the moment my gut feeling tells me that is happening than there's no way back . I prefer not be atached to people to be atached to people who in the end they gonna hurt me

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Only to people I care about. Anyone else’s thoughts words etc not at all x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me, I am a people pleaser by nature and have had to work hard to draw lines, not only for what is reasonable in life itself, but for what is acceptable to me myself.

You (the general you) can learn to compartmentalise and accept that a person's opinion/ action/ feelings/ words/ etc are theirs and valid for them alone, and it's your choice whether you give them any value yourself.

Only things that you give value to and people you hold respect for should have the ability to affect you.

Anything at all to do with a person I hold no respect for holds zero value in my life and does not have any traction in my head or heart

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I don't know how you stop your loved ones words from affecting you without becoming detached from them emotionally and effectively stop feeling anything for them.

"

This is what I think too. In a relationship its impossible to not let their behaviours affect you unless you're detached.

How would you maintain a healthy balance of not too attached and not too detached?

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West


"..how attached are you? To thoughts, words, beliefs or people.

I'm reading about not attaching to thoughts and letting them affect you. It says the same thing about people...

...but how do you not attach to your husband/wife/partner? How do you not let their words or actions affect you? I'm struggling with idea. "

What are you reading OP?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

I don't know how you stop your loved ones words from affecting you without becoming detached from them emotionally and effectively stop feeling anything for them.

This is what I think too. In a relationship its impossible to not let their behaviours affect you unless you're detached.

How would you maintain a healthy balance of not too attached and not too detached? "

You can't in my opinion. However if someone you love is being unkind, hurtful, abusive etc by words or deeds it's not good to leave it unchallenged. You can point out how words and actions affect you without detaching. Very often people have no idea

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By *yd1964Man
over a year ago

sutton

difficult if the other people in your life feel the need to be needy...do you push them away in that case them turning against you but in the same moment you needing your own space..does that make sense of have i gone off the subject?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"difficult if the other people in your life feel the need to be needy...do you push them away in that case them turning against you but in the same moment you needing your own space..does that make sense of have i gone off the subject?"

That makes complete sense.

If someone wants to see you too much, talk/message all the time it can get too much...telling them that is likely to push them away?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"..how attached are you? To thoughts, words, beliefs or people.

I'm reading about not attaching to thoughts and letting them affect you. It says the same thing about people...

...but how do you not attach to your husband/wife/partner? How do you not let their words or actions affect you? I'm struggling with idea.

What are you reading OP?

"

It's not a book or anything, just same random thing that I might have missed interpreted. An interesting subject for me though. Attachments.

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By *yd1964Man
over a year ago

sutton


"difficult if the other people in your life feel the need to be needy...do you push them away in that case them turning against you but in the same moment you needing your own space..does that make sense of have i gone off the subject?

That makes complete sense.

If someone wants to see you too much, talk/message all the time it can get too much...telling them that is likely to push them away?

"
are you talking about someone on here or family life ? mind you is there a diffrence?

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By *yd1964Man
over a year ago

sutton

or a where are you what you doing when you going be home what we having for dinner...constant dribble

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Iv only ever being attached to 1 person in my adult life and it was world changing opened a side of me i didnt know existed but tho scruffy chinese market workers decided to get in the way of my happiness before that i was pretty closed off since my grandad died as a boy id never really been able to be attached to anything or anyone

Since then iv tried to sever all emotion its boring and empty but keeps me semi sane

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Simply because I easily compartmentalise people, nothing said has affected my life and I have a high tolerance level for people, especially ones who really are not capable of knowing any better.

I only take in that what nurtures me and dump the rest as they are only words, what they have said is everything to do to them and nothing to do with me

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By *elisandre300Woman
over a year ago

dontbefuckingnosey

I am a rock….

I am an islandddddddddd!

In all seriousness though I try not to form attachments, of any kind. It’s easier and you don’t have to worry about being hurt or let down.

Although sometimes due to what I’m into (BDSM) an emotional attachment can occur.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"difficult if the other people in your life feel the need to be needy...do you push them away in that case them turning against you but in the same moment you needing your own space..does that make sense of have i gone off the subject?

That makes complete sense.

If someone wants to see you too much, talk/message all the time it can get too much...telling them that is likely to push them away?

are you talking about someone on here or family life ? mind you is there a diffrence?"

I'm not talking about anyone specifically, just a general thought. I've experienced it where someone wants all of your time and it gets overwhelming, telling them that caused them to pull away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Attachment Theory is really interesting to read about and very use in relation to one's self and others especially when it comes to relationships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Simply because I easily compartmentalise people, nothing said has affected my life and I have a high tolerance level for people, especially ones who really are not capable of knowing any better.

I only take in that what nurtures me and dump the rest as they are only words, what they have said is everything to do to them and nothing to do with me "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get attached. And I get hurt as a result. I'd rather feel the feelings after years of not feeling anything for my partner.

I'd rather be more detached from some things and not get upset or hurt, but I can't find a way to make that work for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Living or working with very different emotional/personality types is bloody hard.

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By *yd1964Man
over a year ago

sutton


"difficult if the other people in your life feel the need to be needy...do you push them away in that case them turning against you but in the same moment you needing your own space..does that make sense of have i gone off the subject?

That makes complete sense.

If someone wants to see you too much, talk/message all the time it can get too much...telling them that is likely to push them away?

are you talking about someone on here or family life ? mind you is there a diffrence?

I'm not talking about anyone specifically, just a general thought. I've experienced it where someone wants all of your time and it gets overwhelming, telling them that caused them to pull away "
yeah i get you..i walked away if im honest

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By *j123499Man
over a year ago

exeter

I have struggled with this topic in my life but my thoughts conclusion I’ve come to is spot on to this

Kinda scarily lol

@OP if you find this topic interesting might be worth googling Childhood abandonment disorder

I personally learnt a lot about myself


"For me, I am a people pleaser by nature and have had to work hard to draw lines, not only for what is reasonable in life itself, but for what is acceptable to me myself.

You (the general you) can learn to compartmentalise and accept that a person's opinion/ action/ feelings/ words/ etc are theirs and valid for them alone, and it's your choice whether you give them any value yourself.

Only things that you give value to and people you hold respect for should have the ability to affect you.

Anything at all to do with a person I hold no respect for holds zero value in my life and does not have any traction in my head or heart "

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