FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Advice would be appreciated

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I’ve been friends with a girl for ten years now and always would have liked us to get together but had put it to the back of my mind

That was until the last bank holiday and I took her out for the day and ended up kissing and she said she’d like to be with me she’s still living with the ex and I’m unsure of how to approach what she’s feeling now as I haven’t had a opportunity where we are alone together

I have given her some space but it would be nice to know where I stand without pressuring her as she’s my best friend and we have been there for each other and are very close

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Turn it off , then turn it back on again

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How do you mean just go back to how we were

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I think you should ask if you can meet and to have a chat

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ok I have sent her a message saying if she would like to meet for a drink but no reply so should I give her more space or just go round and ask her out

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve been friends with a girl for ten years now and always would have liked us to get together but had put it to the back of my mind

That was until the last bank holiday and I took her out for the day and ended up kissing and she said she’d like to be with me she’s still living with the ex and I’m unsure of how to approach what she’s feeling now as I haven’t had a opportunity where we are alone together

I have given her some space but it would be nice to know where I stand without pressuring her as she’s my best friend and we have been there for each other and are very close "

Just ask her!! But leave your self some room to manoeuvre. If she is in the process of breaking up with her current BF then it could be a difficult situation. Try going along the lines of. “ I really enjoyed last weekend and I would like to see where it goes, but I know you are emotional vulnerable at the moment. So I am going to leave it up to you to make the first move “

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for the advice I’ll see what I can do

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Ok I have sent her a message saying if she would like to meet for a drink but no reply so should I give her more space or just go round and ask her out "

I don't think you should go round. How long ago did you send the message ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

She said she'd like to be with you. That's pretty clear to me.

Why is she still living with her ex? That's the first thing I'd want cleared up before I went any further.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask her. Put your cards on the table. It’s then up to her if she wants to lay hers down to. You’ll find out quicker that way. .. and if you don’t find out quickly, give her all the space she needs.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman
over a year ago

lancashire

Would you be gutted if you lost the friendship you both have? Maybe just keep the contact as 'friends' for the moment until you have chance to think about it and she has time to also...are her and her fella really over?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"She said she'd like to be with you. That's pretty clear to me.

Why is she still living with her ex? That's the first thing I'd want cleared up before I went any further. "

I wondered if it was for financial reasons

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s tough. Hope it works it for you though.

If it doesn’t work out then imo you gotta work to get over those feelings at some point

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I sent the message a few hours ago

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I sent the message a few hours ago "

You should give her more time to reply

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yes they are really over and he’s just there at the moment as they have kids

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I plan to now and I don’t want to pressure her

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes they are really over and he’s just there at the moment as they have kids "

Just tread carefully and I hope it works out for you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

That’s why I thought get some advice so I don’t get hurt along the way happed too many times in the past we other people

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittlekinks38Woman
over a year ago

outside belfast x

[Removed by poster at 03/09/22 18:17:14]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittlekinks38Woman
over a year ago

outside belfast x

Maybe shes at work or just busy sure sit tight she'll message you back soon as shes free...Best not to pester her or you'll push her away....x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Yes they are really over and he’s just there at the moment as they have kids "

Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to . It helps see who you're talking to

I'm a bit like a broken record with these things in that I always say talk to the person . We don't know enough about the situation to give you concrete advice but we can as a sounding board for you to talk it through

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I’d never want to push her away just giving her space but it’s driving me crazy not knowing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes they are really over and he’s just there at the moment as they have kids

Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to . It helps see who you're talking to

I'm a bit like a broken record with these things in that I always say talk to the person . We don't know enough about the situation to give you concrete advice but we can as a sounding board for you to talk it through"

I know what you mean I’m ok with giving advice but totally the opposite when it’s myself

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok..."

I can’t stand the man and she’s hating him for a about a year now

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Yes they are really over and he’s just there at the moment as they have kids

Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to . It helps see who you're talking to

I'm a bit like a broken record with these things in that I always say talk to the person . We don't know enough about the situation to give you concrete advice but we can as a sounding board for you to talk it through

I know what you mean I’m ok with giving advice but totally the opposite when it’s myself "

Well based on what you've said I'd caution you to tread very carefully.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok I have sent her a message saying if she would like to meet for a drink but no reply so should I give her more space or just go round and ask her out "

Patience I would think.

Don't make yourself another thing she has to worry or stress over.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes they are really over and he’s just there at the moment as they have kids

Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to . It helps see who you're talking to

I'm a bit like a broken record with these things in that I always say talk to the person . We don't know enough about the situation to give you concrete advice but we can as a sounding board for you to talk it through

I know what you mean I’m ok with giving advice but totally the opposite when it’s myself

Well based on what you've said I'd caution you to tread very carefully. "

I’ll be treading extra carefully and I’ve given her some space but I’d only talk with her about this if we were alone together when he’s out of ear shot or house

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ok I have sent her a message saying if she would like to meet for a drink but no reply so should I give her more space or just go round and ask her out

Patience I would think.

Don't make yourself another thing she has to worry or stress over.

"

Understandable I just need to de stress but easier said than done

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve been friends with a girl for ten years now and always would have liked us to get together but had put it to the back of my mind

That was until the last bank holiday and I took her out for the day and ended up kissing and she said she’d like to be with me she’s still living with the ex and I’m unsure of how to approach what she’s feeling now as I haven’t had a opportunity where we are alone together

I have given her some space but it would be nice to know where I stand without pressuring her as she’s my best friend and we have been there for each other and are very close

Just ask her!! But leave your self some room to manoeuvre. If she is in the process of breaking up with her current BF then it could be a difficult situation. Try going along the lines of. “ I really enjoyed last weekend and I would like to see where it goes, but I know you are emotional vulnerable at the moment. So I am going to leave it up to you to make the first move “ "

OP.. Its always good to hear different opinions so, hope above isn't offended if we throw our point of view in the mix. Wouldn't recommend saying anything along the lines of her being emotionally vulnerable.

Agree with the rest though.

Perhaps instead of trying to be overly understanding try to avoid Any pressure at all. Even saying 'no pressure' actually IS.

If you would like to see her some more, how about casually suggesting things that would definitely be of interest to her that isn't something she'd have to be sneaky to do. Like a live gig in a pub.

The more she simply relaxes & enjoys herself when with you the more it will show the contrast when she's at home being stressed.

Also if you're casual, not even hinting at anything else then she'll probably get annoyed with anyone that tries to make her feel guilty being with you because it will be innocent friends just enjoying normal social things together.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok...

I can’t stand the man and she’s hating him for a about a year now "

For me this has red flags, drama and unnecessary stress written all over it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’ve been friends with a girl for ten years now and always would have liked us to get together but had put it to the back of my mind

That was until the last bank holiday and I took her out for the day and ended up kissing and she said she’d like to be with me she’s still living with the ex and I’m unsure of how to approach what she’s feeling now as I haven’t had a opportunity where we are alone together

I have given her some space but it would be nice to know where I stand without pressuring her as she’s my best friend and we have been there for each other and are very close

Just ask her!! But leave your self some room to manoeuvre. If she is in the process of breaking up with her current BF then it could be a difficult situation. Try going along the lines of. “ I really enjoyed last weekend and I would like to see where it goes, but I know you are emotional vulnerable at the moment. So I am going to leave it up to you to make the first move “

OP.. Its always good to hear different opinions so, hope above isn't offended if we throw our point of view in the mix. Wouldn't recommend saying anything along the lines of her being emotionally vulnerable.

Agree with the rest though.

Perhaps instead of trying to be overly understanding try to avoid Any pressure at all. Even saying 'no pressure' actually IS.

If you would like to see her some more, how about casually suggesting things that would definitely be of interest to her that isn't something she'd have to be sneaky to do. Like a live gig in a pub.

The more she simply relaxes & enjoys herself when with you the more it will show the contrast when she's at home being stressed.

Also if you're casual, not even hinting at anything else then she'll probably get annoyed with anyone that tries to make her feel guilty being with you because it will be innocent friends just enjoying normal social things together. "

You haven’t offended me at all and I’ve always had a good laugh together as friends and I’ll see how things go over the weekend and if I hear from her with any messages from me and suggest a afternoon out or a evening

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok...

I can’t stand the man and she’s hating him for a about a year now

For me this has red flags, drama and unnecessary stress written all over it. "

Ok I’ll speak with her eventually when I see her next and see what she says if not we can just be friends and enjoy what we already have or take the risk

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle


"How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok...

I can’t stand the man and she’s hating him for a about a year now "

Then if it's totally over, I'm sure she'll have things to organise just be very supportive with her and discuss plans to act on so when the day comes you're both prepared

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How close are you with her boyfriend because you've said you have been friends with her sometime then obviously her boyfriend must know about you. Is it crossing the line would you feel the same if it was happening to you and not knowing would it still be ok...

I’d support her through anything she would need

I can’t stand the man and she’s hating him for a about a year now

Then if it's totally over, I'm sure she'll have things to organise just be very supportive with her and discuss plans to act on so when the day comes you're both prepared "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the interest of self protection you need to have in the back of your mind, that her situation may not be as you currently believe it to be.

Not suggesting anything more than that.

People & relationships are a roller-coaster.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *rlandoMan
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

shes known all along , your not for her .... you cant live your life like that ... grow a pair and move on ....... stop F****** wasting you time .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top