FabSwingers.com forum: Aftercare

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When things have got kinky or a bit rough, do you need it? Do you give it?

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Alas, I'm not in the slightest bit kinky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think even without it being kinky or rough it’s a really good thing to have.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Alas, I'm not in the slightest bit kinky"

That's ok. It's not compulsory!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think even without it being kinky or rough it’s a really good thing to have.

I guess it's always spoken of in kinky circles so I associate it with kink. I wouldn't say I need it after vanilla sex as that's quite touchy feely comfortable sex anyway? What would you count as aftercare?

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By *aui.Man
over a year ago

around here

It should always be given. In my opinion it's not a 'bolt on' or separate from what has gone before. Its just another level of the same experience. Both parties should get huge pleasure and strengthen their bond through this.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

A cup of tea is all I need.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

We don't specify it as aftercare but when my Dom and I have any kind of session we do spend a long time lying together and chatting to each other. He'll get me a drink and we make sure we are both ok with different aspects of the play xx this then continues over text the next day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends what you mean by aftercare if you mean lots of cuddles and reasurence and such things then yes i kind of have to not just for her sanity but my own to bring myself out of that kind of mindset and more to my normal self

But some girls dont want that after so it takes longer to get myself to balance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think even without it being kinky or rough it’s a really good thing to have.

What inevitable said above ^ is really my answer. Sometimes people don’t want anything like that and you can be left feeling cold. So it’s nice to have cuddles and just a moment like that after. For myself I can have this incredible mind blowing time with someone and if the aftercare isn’t there after, I’d just crash. It helps me anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A cup of tea is all I need."

That counts!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It should always be given. In my opinion it's not a 'bolt on' or separate from what has gone before. Its just another level of the same experience. Both parties should get huge pleasure and strengthen their bond through this. "

When it's good it's not "bolt on" for sure. I tend to get sub drop regardless but I really need that bond afterwards. If I don't get it (or get to give it)....

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"When things have got kinky or a bit rough, do you need it? Do you give it? "

Before and aftercare given whatever kind of sex your having

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Only from an invested scene which we have discussed at length beforehand. DommeDrop can be exhausting as I'm looking after him as well as trying to keep my endorphin levels in recovery. Making sure all of his subdrop recovery aids are in place helps massively for a smooth transition to aftercare. Hence why I wouldn't do a bdsm scene more than once a month, I just don't have the energy to spend on any more than that

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

When it's good it's not "bolt on" for sure. I tend to get sub drop regardless but I really need that bond afterwards. If I don't get it (or get to give it)....

I know what you mean about the drop, I get Dom drop quite quickly and not having that bonding time can suck so bad

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We don't specify it as aftercare but when my Dom and I have any kind of session we do spend a long time lying together and chatting to each other. He'll get me a drink and we make sure we are both ok with different aspects of the play xx this then continues over text the next day. "

That definitely qualifies - sounds good too! I've enjoyed that in the past after playing/scening/whatever. I usually need something sweet to get me back on track too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends what you mean by aftercare if you mean lots of cuddles and reasurence and such things then yes i kind of have to not just for her sanity but my own to bring myself out of that kind of mindset and more to my normal self

But some girls dont want that after so it takes longer to get myself to balance"

I think both partners need it, for sure. I've been with someone who needed it much more than I did. I'm a naturally affectionate person so I just turn that side up. I sat in on an online chat about aftercare a while ago - very much for the tops as well as bottoms. Both men and women need it to recalibrate - in my opinion anyway.

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By *aui.Man
over a year ago

around here

When it's good it's not "bolt on" for sure. I tend to get sub drop regardless but I really need that bond afterwards. If I don't get it (or get to give it)....

I think as a few have said aftercare will look different for everyone. It can be a cuppa or a cuddle. I think what is important is that it is established what is needed and therefore can be given.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Absolutely! Cuddles, possibly a blanket, sugar.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I give them a firm handshake and a clap on the back/shoulder/upper arm.

I tell them well done, and offer them some other congratulatory comments.

I then go on my merry way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We enjoy aftercare regardless of whether things get kinky or not. Long cuddles, kisses and caresses are a nice "come down".

MrWho.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When playing on our own, after care is essential. Especially if we've had a rough play session or role played.

Its just a nice opportunity to show each other love and affection.

Not really had the need to do so with other people, as we haven't yet had the opportunity to kink things up to that level.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"We enjoy aftercare regardless of whether things get kinky or not. Long cuddles, kisses and caresses are a nice "come down".

MrWho."

Exactly this Whooey. It's nice to have that shared moment of intimacy even if you've not been strung upside down and made to recite 20 Latin phrases as you're spanked. I like basking in that postcoital afterglow, the conversations seem more relaxed and less hurried and it's like they're revealing the real them to me.

So yes OP, it's important to me. It doesn't have to follow a strict timetable or set of things that "Must Happen" but even little things like messages after mean a lot.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I give them a firm handshake and a clap on the back/shoulder/upper arm.

I tell them well done, and offer them some other congratulatory comments.

I then go on my merry way!

Wipe your cock on the curtains on the way out too? Heartless beast!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think even without it being kinky or rough it’s a really good thing to have.

The crash is the worst.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can be, and yes aftercare is a part of the experience, if not, then its being done wrong!

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"When things have got kinky or a bit rough, do you need it? Do you give it? "

Absolutely give it.

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By *hil most chillMan
over a year ago

South East & Europe

I needed it when my cock slipped out during rigorous doggystyle and nearly snapped off when it slammed into her bumcheek! After cradling me like a baby, drying my tears, reassuring me that I was the biggest lover she ever had, and that my wiener would be alright, I was ready to crush that pussy again!

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By *ittleMyWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

"When things have got kinky or a bit rough, do you need it? Do you give it? "

Absolutely. Yes and yes. I'm not sure I can actually separate the 'before' and 'after'. I wouldn't want to either and it's nice reading that others feel the same regardless of their side of the slash x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I needed it when my cock slipped out during rigorous doggystyle and nearly snapped off when it slammed into her bumcheek! After cradling me like a baby, drying my tears, reassuring me that I was the biggest lover she ever had, and that my wiener would be alright, I was ready to crush that pussy again!"

True love

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Such a sweet story

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always give it even when its not been kinky or rough.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I give them a firm handshake and a clap on the back/shoulder/upper arm.

I tell them well done, and offer them some other congratulatory comments.

I then go on my merry way!

Wipe your cock on the curtains on the way out too? Heartless beast!

How very dare you!

My cock is always cleaned by their tongue! I’m not a heathen you know!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I give them a firm handshake and a clap on the back/shoulder/upper arm.

I tell them well done, and offer them some other congratulatory comments.

I then go on my merry way!

Wipe your cock on the curtains on the way out too? Heartless beast!

How very dare you!

My cock is always cleaned by their tongue! I’m not a heathen you know!!"

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I think there is a difference between connecting after sex and aftercare. In BDSM terms and mainly SM it should be discussed before play as some people have specific requirements and it is well known that chemical changes in the brain occur with types of impact play.

However, I have read in the forum people who after sex experience symptoms similar to the drops described in BDSM.

As with aftercare in BDSM if people know they have specific requirements for drops, they should state their needs up front.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need it but don't give it. Men seem happy to walk away with their empty balls. I sort myself out.

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

"When things have got kinky or a bit rough, do you need it? Do you give it? "

Definitely give it, because the recipient needs comfort, safety and security after the pain. Just pain and no comfort is a bit much like abuse in my mind. Although I don't judge others who enjoy that kink.

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

"Only from an invested scene which we have discussed at length beforehand. DommeDrop can be exhausting as I'm looking after him as well as trying to keep my endorphin levels in recovery. Making sure all of his subdrop recovery aids are in place helps massively for a smooth transition to aftercare. Hence why I wouldn't do a bdsm scene more than once a month, I just don't have the energy to spend on any more than that

I'm curious, what subdrop recovery aids do you use?

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By *annabarberaCouple
over a year ago

Staffs

We love our aftercare cuddles it's an integral part of our play

Things get quite wild when we are in the swing of things but the reconnection with the normal world through aftercare is vital so we both know we're still ok with each other

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When things have got kinky or a bit rough, do you need it? Do you give it?

I agree!

For anyone reading who doesn't know what "their side of the slash" means - it refers to BDSM roles. Dominant / submissive (D/s)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need cuddles and kisses bare minimum

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think there is a difference between connecting after sex and aftercare. In BDSM terms and mainly SM it should be discussed before play as some people have specific requirements and it is well known that chemical changes in the brain occur with types of impact play.

However, I have read in the forum people who after sex experience symptoms similar to the drops described in BDSM.

As with aftercare in BDSM if people know they have specific requirements for drops, they should state their needs up front."

In retrospect I might not have used the word "aftercare". I wasn't looking to make the thread about BDSM. Appreciate your contribution - always knowledgeable!

I guess my assumption was that a cuddle after sex doesn't need stating up front. Actually if it does need stating up front - I don't think that person is a good match.

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By *r Mind CandyMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Aftercare is absolutely essential, not to mention one of the most beautiful things in the world. It has so many benefits and helps keep that deep and personal connection with each other. I adore aftercare.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I'm curious, what subdrop recovery aids do you use?"

Ones especially tailored to him that help ride the brain fog of subspace back into real time

Every submissive is different for their after care needs

I use energy drinks and high sugar sweets and a infinity cube to help with my aftercare whilst I am caring for him

If I don't then I will drop hard the next day

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Aftercare is absolutely essential, not to mention one of the most beautiful things in the world. It has so many benefits and helps keep that deep and personal connection with each other. I adore aftercare. "

I enjoy it too. Was lucky that the first men I had sex with after my LTR knew about it as I certainly didn't.

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By *urvySub87Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

A cuddle and a chat. It's amazing the good it does me after a rough session

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

I agree with Tmontana.

It's not exclusively placed within the confines of kink or any form of roughness.

It's very important for me. When two people have immersed themselves in a long and sustained crescendo of oxytocin-laced 'entwinement', the aftercare is just as important as the lead up.

It's a moment of taking care of each other, letting our bodies come back down to earth, savouring the after-scent of our pheromones, still touching with a gentle persuasion but enjoying our own space at the same time.

The orgasm is transient but the aftercare endures for longer.

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By *aige675Woman
over a year ago

North of London

It all depends on the intensity of play. And ensuring both (or more) parties are OK. Sub drop and Dom drop for people new to play can be a little overwhelming, as can sub space if you are not sure what is happening. And the type of care can differ, some need a warm blanket and somewhere quiet, others love the rush but may need a sugary drink or sweets on hand. Each to their own, just make sure you discuss possible out comes before you start. Especially if you are new to each other as well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's very nice to see that many people value caring even in this environment. All too often it seems so shallow and fleeting, but we should look after each other. Not least so we can do it again...

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By *elisandre300Woman
over a year ago

dontbefuckingnosey

I definitely need it.

I get spacey and zone out completely. I can and probably will fall asleep… I’ve curled up in the corner of a club and slept after a hard session. So I need to know I’m safe and looked after.

If I’m at home feeling him spoon me gives me that cared for feeling

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I definitely need it.

I get spacey and zone out completely. I can and probably will fall asleep… I’ve curled up in the corner of a club and slept after a hard session. So I need to know I’m safe and looked after.

If I’m at home feeling him spoon me gives me that cared for feeling "

I know what you mean! I've had a cry, and then a nap after impact. I'm fine when I wake up if my partner has taken care of me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When things have got kinky or a bit rough, do you need it? Do you give it? "

If I was to have this play, chance would be a fine thing, I would expect human interaction afterwards, be it physical or verbal or even both.

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By *ornyvirginphxWoman
over a year ago

phoenix

"I think even without it being kinky or rough it’s a really good thing to have.

THIS.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

If you care about the people you have sex with and have basic interpersonal skills you will already be doing it when needed.

For the rest of you kinky fuckers, you can read up on REAL BDSM 101 blog about how to ask your Sub if she wants a drink , it’s recommends using the line “Would you like a drink?’ And suggests water or orange juice are appropriate. Essential reading for Real Dons

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By *elisandre300Woman
over a year ago

dontbefuckingnosey

"I definitely need it.

I get spacey and zone out completely. I can and probably will fall asleep… I’ve curled up in the corner of a club and slept after a hard session. So I need to know I’m safe and looked after.

If I’m at home feeling him spoon me gives me that cared for feeling

I know what you mean! I've had a cry, and then a nap after impact. I'm fine when I wake up if my partner has taken care of me. "

I very rarely cry after impact play… I have a high tolerance to physical pain… yet emotional pain cuts me raw.

It’s been joked I have a Teflon arse as it never bruises no matter what is used or how hard a session it is

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"I think even without it being kinky or rough it’s a really good thing to have.

I agree. More kisses and cuddles, a chat, just lay with each other for a while.

I hate it when people get up and say they need to get going. Ruins the whole experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs cuddles

Talk to each other

Have laugh some fun

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"I give them a firm handshake and a clap on the back/shoulder/upper arm.

I tell them well done, and offer them some other congratulatory comments.

I then go on my merry way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

PCD or post coital dysphoria!!

This happens to me when I've had a good time.

It doesnt always happen immediately, it can take a day or two to catch up with me.

For me aftercare is so important but I rarely get it because most guys dont give a damn and are looking for the next one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spread infront of a fan is the only aftercare I need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My after care goes as far as throwing the bed covers in the washing machine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love a bit of cuddling after being dominated for awhile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it was a particularly rough session my ex used to like being cradled, comforted and her hair stroked afterwards. Dunno if that sounds weird or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it was a particularly rough session my ex used to like being cradled, comforted and her hair stroked afterwards. Dunno if that sounds weird or not."

Everyone has different needs. So no, it's not weird.

MrWho.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My after care goes as far as throwing the bed covers in the washing machine. "

I was with a guy who got up and put all the "toys" in Nappisan. That was soothing.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"If it was a particularly rough session my ex used to like being cradled, comforted and her hair stroked afterwards. Dunno if that sounds weird or not."
that sounds good ..and caring

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"PCD or post coital dysphoria!!

This happens to me when I've had a good time.

It doesnt always happen immediately, it can take a day or two to catch up with me.

For me aftercare is so important but I rarely get it because most guys dont give a damn and are looking for the next one! "

do you ask in advance for it? Or do you think they'd still not GAF?

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By *eard and TattsCouple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

I usually find a long line of people queuing to "control" the hysterical actions of a person after is the best solution

Where's leslie nilsen when you need him?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I usually find a long line of people queuing to "control" the hysterical actions of a person after is the best solution

Where's leslie nilsen when you need him? "

Erm....

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

I only really ever enjoy any type of rough/impact shenanigans with a partner or when I was in a dom/sub relationship. It went without saying about aftercare. It was always there. With a meet, nice to have a little cuddle after. Obviously with a quickie it's a bit Different

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Find the setting up of a safe and embracing place memory helps.

Helps with drop even when I’m not there.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

You can't have one without the other in my book, they should go hand in hand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aftercare is so important. Even in a vanilla setting. You can go to such highs, that it helps to have aftercare so that you don't get that sudden drop at the end.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Find the setting up of a safe and embracing place memory helps.

Helps with drop even when I’m not there."

That is a great idea!

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