FabSwingers.com forum: Triggered

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

So I have some neighbours for whom English isn't their first language (3 doors down)

Right now I'm finding myself incredibly alert and on edge. The volume sounds like a major argument, but obviously me not understanding a word they could be celebrating or pissing about.

I'm almost at panic level worrying if they're gonna start throwing punches. It bothers me that if there is a domestic abuse scenario (either way round) I wouldn't know, I can't help.

What triggers you folks?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

That's definitely something that triggers me. I'm sorry you're suffering that

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"That's definitely something that triggers me. I'm sorry you're suffering that "

Fucking hate it. Laying on my bed wanting to either run away or go knock their door.

Sigh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Used to live on a rough estate had 3 years of hell with the local drug lord effectively in war zone mode sleeping with a hammer under the pillow kind of thing so when i hear broken glass or see lads in balaclavas i instantly go into carpet arm mode shoulders raised chin tucked fists ready mentally planning whos going first and how until they go

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
over a year ago

Markfield

I defo have this as a trigger too and my (soon to be ex) husband didn’t ever understand why I got so upset when other people were kicking off yet I would revert back into my own trauma of times gone by.

I’m not sure what to suggest that might help other than I’m here if you want a virtual hand to hold x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That would upset me greatly to. OP. Takes me right back to being a scared little kid.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Used to live on a rough estate had 3 years of hell with the local drug lord effectively in war zone mode sleeping with a hammer under the pillow kind of thing so when i hear broken glass or see lads in balaclavas i instantly go into carpet arm mode shoulders raised chin tucked fists ready mentally planning whos going first and how until they go"

Its hard to undo what's effectively carved into your mind and muscle memory isn't it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing feels as shitty as not feeling comfortable in your own home

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

A neighbour of mine knocked on as I was throwing a soft ball I'd found against the wall. Only done it a few times and she was round in a flash.

'Just checking your ok - I could hear banging' .. casually getting me to stop without me realising. Fucker.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Do you know what language they speak? Could you use Google translate just to reassure yourself that nobody is in danger?

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Private black ambulances. Stops me in my tracks every time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its hard to undo what's effectively carved into your mind and muscle memory isn't it

"
as they said in the cubs be prepared

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have triggers but won’t share on here because- well you know.

But I will say I’m sorry OP and I’m sending love you’re way. Im sure all is ok

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By *esi_in_brusselsMan
over a year ago

Brussels, Belgium

Why not knock on there door and complain of the noise. Here in Belgium I have done the same and my neighbors did the same when we were partying till late.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I defo have this as a trigger too and my (soon to be ex) husband didn’t ever understand why I got so upset when other people were kicking off yet I would revert back into my own trauma of times gone by.

I’m not sure what to suggest that might help other than I’m here if you want a virtual hand to hold x "

They've just gone back inside (they were in the garden so could hear everything yet understand nothing)

I do think it was a big row rather than anything else coz they kept shouting over each other.

It really winds me up that I'm so bothered by it. I know it's not my business, but ya just never know how serious things are do ya? I wished so hard that someone would have intervened when I was going through it, that someone would have saved me.

When they were shouting I realised I was holding my breath and allsorts.

Fuck, I hate the leftovers ya get lumbered with.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"That would upset me greatly to. OP. Takes me right back to being a scared little kid."

So uncomfortable isn't it. Urghhhhhh.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Nothing feels as shitty as not feeling comfortable in your own home"

Took a great while after the abusive relationship for me to feel safe and comfortable, then after the last one (mr pants on fire) I had to totally redecorate to give me a sense of comfort and home, coz it felt so tarnished after. Sharing my sacred space with someone who wasn't what they said they were made me feel sooooo icky and sad, I had to make it visually different.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"A neighbour of mine knocked on as I was throwing a soft ball I'd found against the wall. Only done it a few times and she was round in a flash.

'Just checking your ok - I could hear banging' .. casually getting me to stop without me realising. Fucker. "

Sneaky... and smart!

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Do you know what language they speak? Could you use Google translate just to reassure yourself that nobody is in danger?"

No idea at all. I honestly wouldn't even know them if I passed them in the street. I do walk past their house on my way to the bus stop so I'll keep my eye out for if they're out in the front garden and make a mental note.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Private black ambulances. Stops me in my tracks every time. "

I can totally understand that one. They make me uneasy and sad and I've never had any dealings with them on a personal level.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Do you know what language they speak? Could you use Google translate just to reassure yourself that nobody is in danger?

I wouldn't normally suggest something like that because it's a bit like spying but if you think someone might be in danger...

Mind you our neighbours have horrible, nasty rows and neither of them is in danger

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I have triggers but won’t share on here because- well you know.

But I will say I’m sorry OP and I’m sending love you’re way. Im sure all is ok

Completely understandable and respected.

Thank you, it's appreciated

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Unfortunately European culture banter to those who don’t speak their language can often sound abrasive, argumentative and angry …. When in actual fact to them it’s normal

Stay safe lady. You can always report it if you feel worried

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Why not knock on there door and complain of the noise. Here in Belgium I have done the same and my neighbors did the same when we were partying till late. "

If it happens again I may do just that, well, not complain about the noise but let them know everyone can hear them, and hopefully that may give them some time to cool down

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

Trauma affects us on a primitive, biological level (fight/flight/freeze) it’s no wonder you were feeling so awful if it brought back your own stuff for you.

Sending love x

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Do you know what language they speak? Could you use Google translate just to reassure yourself that nobody is in danger?

I wouldn't normally suggest something like that because it's a bit like spying but if you think someone might be in danger...

Mind you our neighbours have horrible, nasty rows and neither of them is in danger "

It's such a hard call isn't it. Not wanting to interfere yet not wanting to ignore it if it someone is in danger. But ya just don't know if they are or not. Just because I felt fists and suffered emotional trauma doesn't mean every argument between people is destined in that direction. I don't love it. I don't love it one bit.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Do you know what language they speak? Could you use Google translate just to reassure yourself that nobody is in danger?

I wouldn't normally suggest something like that because it's a bit like spying but if you think someone might be in danger...

Mind you our neighbours have horrible, nasty rows and neither of them is in danger

No I don't expect you do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's definitely something that triggers me. I'm sorry you're suffering that

Fucking hate it. Laying on my bed wanting to either run away or go knock their door.

Sigh"

Can you ask any of your neighbours if they know the couple? They may be able to reassure you. Or if they are concerned too, maybe have a word with the local police or DV unit.

I'd put the tv on so it covers the noise and takes your mind off it.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"That's definitely something that triggers me. I'm sorry you're suffering that

Fucking hate it. Laying on my bed wanting to either run away or go knock their door.

Sigh

Can you ask any of your neighbours if they know the couple? They may be able to reassure you. Or if they are concerned too, maybe have a word with the local police or DV unit.

I'd put the tv on so it covers the noise and takes your mind off it.

I speak to my immediate next door neighbour on one side, I'll ask them if they know them.

I know other people heard it coz there were 2 families looking over the fences trying to work out who's house it was coming from

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get triggered by arguments, loud noises and violence. I really feel for you, i would be shaking and in fight or flight mode x

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

This is such a great way to be racist towards people that don’t speak English but make it sound not racist

Stealing this for on the bus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is such a great way to be racist towards people that don’t speak English but make it sound not racist

Stealing this for on the bus "

How is it racist? Did you not understand the OP?

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"This is such a great way to be racist towards people that don’t speak English but make it sound not racist

Stealing this for on the bus "

Shit dude, I'm sorry I haven't learned every language there is out there in case I needed it for this very moment.

By that reckoning everyone on earth who doesn't know every language across the globe is racist.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"This is such a great way to be racist towards people that don’t speak English but make it sound not racist

Stealing this for on the bus

How is it racist? Did you not understand the OP? "

Well now I feel like a cunt for giving a shit about my neighbours

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

"This is such a great way to be racist towards people that don’t speak English but make it sound not racist

Stealing this for on the bus "

How the fuck is being concerned for the safety of a neighbour because you don’t understand their language racist in any way shape or form.

What an absolutely wankish thing to say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is such a great way to be racist towards people that don’t speak English but make it sound not racist

Stealing this for on the bus

How is it racist? Did you not understand the OP?

Well now I feel like a cunt for giving a shit about my neighbours "

Yeah you're just racist. Terrible.

Have they chilled out a bit now/ quitened down? Hope that taking yourself out of the situation helps. Stuff like that can be worse at night.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"This is such a great way to be racist towards people that don’t speak English but make it sound not racist

Stealing this for on the bus

How is it racist? Did you not understand the OP?

Well now I feel like a cunt for giving a shit about my neighbours

Yeah you're just racist. Terrible.

Have they chilled out a bit now/ quitened down? Hope that taking yourself out of the situation helps. Stuff like that can be worse at night.

xx"

Yeah it's all settled but i gotta be honest, I'm really fucking upset by that comment. Got actual wet eye and everything.

I show concern for fellow humans and that makes me racist.

Ignorant to their language, yes, but racist fucking hurts man.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

You are not a racist, don't let those thoughts spend time in your head Peach, you have better things to think about

My trigger is bullying and abuse and yes I over react, online and IRL but I'm happy to be that person x

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"This is such a great way to be racist towards people that don’t speak English but make it sound not racist

Stealing this for on the bus

How is it racist? Did you not understand the OP?

Well now I feel like a cunt for giving a shit about my neighbours

Yeah you're just racist. Terrible.

Have they chilled out a bit now/ quitened down? Hope that taking yourself out of the situation helps. Stuff like that can be worse at night.

Yeah it's all settled but i gotta be honest, I'm really fucking upset by that comment. Got actual wet eye and everything.

I show concern for fellow humans and that makes me racist.

Ignorant to their language, yes, but racist fucking hurts man."

That was uncalled for that comment Peach ..

Know where I am if you need a chat lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally understand what you mean, I have a few near neighbours who argue a lot. There has been violence too, makes me very uncomfortable and they speak English.

It’s horrible listening to it, especially at night. X

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By *oubleswing2019Man
over a year ago

Colchester

I hope your neighbours simmer down, OP.

Whilst not neighbours per se, Mrs DS and I were staying in a hotel in Berlin, and we'd just got back to the room after a nice meal. It was late and time for bed.

Just drifted off and then rudely awoken to the next room's occupants coming home. Clearly they had brought friends with them. Very loud noisy friends. And it was clear from the sound of bottles clinking, they were getting smashed in their room. As they drank more, they shouted more.

After an hour of this, with no sleep in sight, I snapped.

I opened our door, went to outside theirs, and boomed out in the loudest, most aggressive and deep voice I could muster, "Silence."

It fell like a thunderbolt.

Clearly the am-dram at Uni paid off

They immediately went very, very quiet and didn't make a sound for the rest of the evening.

I did briefly feel guilty, because I had probably woken up the rest of the hotel, but then I figured they were awake already from the guests next to ours, so in reflection I probably did everyone a favour, as peace descended afterwards.

I hope your neighbours antics quieten down for your sake and everyone else's !

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
over a year ago

Markfield

I’m not sure what to suggest that might help other than I’m here if you want a virtual hand to hold x

They've just gone back inside (they were in the garden so could hear everything yet understand nothing)

I do think it was a big row rather than anything else coz they kept shouting over each other.

When they were shouting I realised I was holding my breath and allsorts.

Fuck, I hate the leftovers ya get lumbered with."

I hear ya x

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Same... People shouting and swearing in the street. More so if it's male and female voices.

Any type of conflict really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a strange one. English isn’t my dads first language and when he speaks to his friends it sounds like they’re going to kill each other and then they all start laughing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also there’s nothing racist about showing concern for another human. I’ve seen some of your posts about your past experiences and can understand how triggering that could be for you. Ignore that comment.

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden

Another option might be to raise a noise nuisance complaint to the local council.

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