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"How do you feel? Hate it, don’t trust her, gut wrenching. Kids don’t even want to go even though I encourage them" When a family breaks apart it is always a hard thing, I personally think it is important to remember that it's not the kids fault and to try not to involve them in the argument. Even if you "think" you can't trust your ex, I think it is better for the kids if they think that you do. Divorce is hard enough for kids without us adults imposing our own ill feelings on them too. Cal | |||
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"Very true, all about perspective. Just because they are the mum or the dad, doesn’t mean they can take the kids, they need to earn the rite! Ultimately I have twins, she has decided to take one on holiday. She doesn’t pay for anything, so she can go away but I can’t. Finally I really don’t trust her, she can’t look after herself. Plus I’m pissed and upset" Oh yeah , I’m paying for it despite not being able to go away myself, go figure. And she is leaving her least favourite kid behind. Who does that? | |||
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"Very true, all about perspective. Just because they are the mum or the dad, doesn’t mean they can take the kids, they need to earn the rite! Ultimately I have twins, she has decided to take one on holiday. She doesn’t pay for anything, so she can go away but I can’t. Finally I really don’t trust her, she can’t look after herself. Plus I’m pissed and upset Oh yeah , I’m paying for it despite not being able to go away myself, go figure. And she is leaving her least favourite kid behind. Who does that?" Leaving one child behind is horrendous. Do you have court agreements in place? Is she legally allowed take them. Why are you paying? | |||
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"I'm thinking, put down the drink, it won't help, go get yourself some rest. If you have serious concerns, then discuss them with authorities, maybe begin with mediation." Pretty much this (although I'm not a meditator). | |||
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"Very true, all about perspective. Just because they are the mum or the dad, doesn’t mean they can take the kids, they need to earn the rite! Ultimately I have twins, she has decided to take one on holiday. She doesn’t pay for anything, so she can go away but I can’t. Finally I really don’t trust her, she can’t look after herself. Plus I’m pissed and upset Oh yeah , I’m paying for it despite not being able to go away myself, go figure. And she is leaving her least favourite kid behind. Who does that? Leaving one child behind is horrendous. Do you have court agreements in place? Is she legally allowed take them. Why are you paying?" No, no court agreement. Long story, probably all my own fault. In the end she isn’t a nice human being. They are twins, she treats one like gold the other like shit. Constantly slagging me off in front of them. Grow a pair? And have arguements in front of th kids, not my style. The three of us have fun and are close, we cope, not that they should | |||
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"Why are you paying for her to only take one twin away?" Did I read they are twins? | |||
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"Who's watching the other child?" I look after the kids 90% of the time, we will have fun, even though am working | |||
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"Why are you paying for her to only take one twin away? Did I read they are twins?" Yep | |||
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"Why are you paying for her to only take one twin away?" I’m not, my point is I pay for everything, so she has spare money, hence….. | |||
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"I hear you OP, I'm in a similar situation with my ex" Cheers mate,the shiny cock puts another reflection on it  | |||
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"Why are you paying for her to only take one twin away? I’m not, my point is I pay for everything, so she has spare money, hence….." Oh I see. I'd have said you take them both or neither. | |||
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"Why are you paying for her to only take one twin away? I’m not, my point is I pay for everything, so she has spare money, hence….. Oh I see. I'd have said you take them both or neither. " Unfortunately I have no say. | |||
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"Why are you paying for her to only take one twin away? I’m not, my point is I pay for everything, so she has spare money, hence….. Oh I see. I'd have said you take them both or neither. Unfortunately I have no say." That's a shame. How old are they? | |||
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"Why are you paying for her to only take one twin away? I’m not, my point is I pay for everything, so she has spare money, hence….. Oh I see. I'd have said you take them both or neither. Unfortunately I have no say." If you have parental responsibility or other legal guardianship then you do have a say. If you think your ex's behaviour is detrimental to the physical or mental well-being of one or both children, I would recommend you take urgent legal advice. | |||
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"Why are you paying for her to only take one twin away? I’m not, my point is I pay for everything, so she has spare money, hence….. Oh I see. I'd have said you take them both or neither. Unfortunately I have no say. That's a shame. How old are they?" 13, right age to be screwed up. If they weren’t already. Have a whole catalogue of things that apparently don’t matter | |||
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"Why are you paying for her to only take one twin away? I’m not, my point is I pay for everything, so she has spare money, hence….. Oh I see. I'd have said you take them both or neither. Unfortunately I have no say. If you have parental responsibility or other legal guardianship then you do have a say. If you think your ex's behaviour is detrimental to the physical or mental well-being of one or both children, I would recommend you take urgent legal advice. " Have done….. been down that route | |||
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"Why are you paying for her to only take one twin away? I’m not, my point is I pay for everything, so she has spare money, hence….. Oh I see. I'd have said you take them both or neither. Unfortunately I have no say. If you have parental responsibility or other legal guardianship then you do have a say. If you think your ex's behaviour is detrimental to the physical or mental well-being of one or both children, I would recommend you take urgent legal advice. Have done….. been down that route" It's not a one off thing. If you think one or both are in any form of danger to their well-being in this moment, you have to do it again. Things could be deemed acceptable at one point in time but not at others. | |||
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"Honestly, not trying to be controversial, but if I were a woman in this situation, I think things would be different. Think it is one of the only areas men have fewer rights, rites? Dunno how to spell. Anyways. " It didn't feel like that to me when I was being told it was okay for my infant son to be taken to a house where drugs were used in front of him, no. The system is supposed to put the child or children's needs first and foremost. | |||
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"Honestly, not trying to be controversial, but if I were a woman in this situation, I think things would be different. Think it is one of the only areas men have fewer rights, rites? Dunno how to spell. Anyways. It didn't feel like that to me when I was being told it was okay for my infant son to be taken to a house where drugs were used in front of him, no. The system is supposed to put the child or children's needs first and foremost. " I’m sorry, was a flippant comment, just pissed and upset, thanks for listening | |||
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"Rite is a ritual isn’t it, right? " Correct  | |||
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"Why is everything so hard" I ask this question frequently, but for different reasons. It just is, unfortunately. | |||
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" It didn't feel like that to me when I was being told it was okay for my infant son to be taken to a house where drugs were used in front of him, no. The system is supposed to put the child or children's needs first and foremost. " have this with my ex. Kids were under an order from SocServ at the time, I was informed that she was smoking green and one of my kids confirmed she was and at all times of.the day. I informed SS of this and their reply was "we can't tell people how to live their lives" in other words we don't really care, it's only green | |||
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"My ex just came back from a week away with the kids. I'm delighted and I love the relationship they have. " That’s fantastic for you, unfortunately all situations aren’t the same | |||
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"Just because they are the mum or the dad, doesn’t mean they can take the kids, they need to earn the rite!" Unfortunately, that's not how it works. They don't need to earn the right. They do need to not endanger the child though. | |||
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"My ex just came back from a week away with the kids. I'm delighted and I love the relationship they have. That’s fantastic for you, unfortunately all situations aren’t the same" Obviously. I was merely answering the question asked in the first post. | |||
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"Are you deceiving Child Maintenance?" Sorry, I meant *receiving*! | |||
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"If she's their mother then why not?" Because not every woman deserves to be a mother. Hopefully you have put the booze away NotDave. There are a lot of useful perspectives here. You need to get a legally binding agreement through mediation and maybe get it ratified in court. These people are not your enemy, even if it feels like the system is heavily biased in favour of the woman. They will give you the opportunity to stand up and be the father you want to be if you let them. It isn't about you or her, it is about the kids. Don't feel bad about being upset and doing the wrong thing to cope, we all do that at times. Use your love and inner strength to see the right path and follow it then dedicate yourself to seeing it through. Believe me it isn't easy but it is worth while. | |||
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