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I wish I had the nerve

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

With the death of quite a few young friends and family this year making me realise that life is really short, I really wish I had the nerve to tell my fwb how I feel about him. Tomorrow is never promised but the idea of rejection really fucks with my head. I know I should just bite the bullet and probably never see him again but the idea of never seeing him again really scares me.

I'm in a bit of a downer too which isn't really helping and I don't want to screw things up because I'm in a weird head space.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take a moment, take a breath. Focus on what you can control x

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By *ll-Knight-longMan
over a year ago

Derby/Notts(Long Eaton)

Maybe you need to make new friends outside of FAB as you say nothing is promised with yourself & FWB therefore you keep refocusing on that relationship that has only shallow roots. Friendships work both ways, maybe your FWB feels the same ? Talking and asking his thoughts might help without revealing your own thoughts necessarily

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

Firstly I’m so very sorry for your loss.

I think in the presence of death it can often give us clarity and make us see things more clearly, if you have feelings for your fwb then I would tell him however I also think that death can make us want to cling to those we have here - like we feel we need to keep some people close but not always for the right reasons.

I would regroup and take some time for yourself, clear your head and assess what you feel before blurting it out - be sure in your own choices and hopefully he will feel the same way. If not don’t be disheartened just dust yourself off and remember we have no control over how long people stay in our lives, remember the happy times you shared, everything has a reason.

Good luck lovely xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't do anything when you're in a bit of a slump.

Slow things down, take care of yourself first, try and get in a space where if rejection does come you'll be able to handle it a bit better and then bite the bullet.

If you don't do it you'll always regret it but if you do it and it's not reciprocated then, as hard as it may be, you can move on and explore other avenues to find what you're looking for.

Hope things work out for you OP, sending virtual hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You really need to think about this if you tell him you risk ruining what you have but like you say life is for living you need a wider group of friends you can’t just wait for your fwb to see you he is controlling you r meets etc so more friends would give you something else to think about and not just your fwb

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Hello OP, you've posted before about your feelings for your fwb, yes?

I think that grief can manifest itself in different ways - maybe your desire to tell your fwb is as a result of wanting to live, seize the day a bit. As you've said you're in a bit of a weird headspace, I'd avoid talking about any feelings just now. Even more so because you've got conflicting feelings about seeing him again - if you're doubting it, it's probably best you don't just now.

Why not take a bit of time for you, mute the friend and focus on little things that bring you joy. Things that aren't dependent on another person? When you're feeling more you, work out what you want to say. How genuine those feelings are or whether you're honeymoon phasing hard.

I hope your headspace is better soon OP, x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck i have no advice to give things like this twist my noodle i made the wrong choice

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough


"Hello OP, you've posted before about your feelings for your fwb, yes?

I think that grief can manifest itself in different ways - maybe your desire to tell your fwb is as a result of wanting to live, seize the day a bit. As you've said you're in a bit of a weird headspace, I'd avoid talking about any feelings just now. Even more so because you've got conflicting feelings about seeing him again - if you're doubting it, it's probably best you don't just now.

Why not take a bit of time for you, mute the friend and focus on little things that bring you joy. Things that aren't dependent on another person? When you're feeling more you, work out what you want to say. How genuine those feelings are or whether you're honeymoon phasing hard.

I hope your headspace is better soon OP, x"

We've been fwbs for over 2.5 years now and yes, I've had feelings for a while but out of respect to him I've kept them to myself as he's made it pretty clear that he wants nothing more than a friendship.

I keep having what if moments but I know that there is no what if. If I say anything at best we'll take a long break from seeing each other, at worst we'll never see each other again. Not sure I can handle either of those at the moment. Life is just really hard at the moment

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough


"Good luck i have no advice to give things like this twist my noodle i made the wrong choice "

Can I ask which choice you made please?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can get why you shouldn't say anything, but for me personally, I couldn't not.

You tell him and things end, or you don't and live your life forever wondering what if. You live it forever holding onto something that will never happen instead of finding something that will.

I told a guy I loved him, he blocked me and I've never heard from him since. Does it hurt? Hell yeah, but at least now I know and I can move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good luck i have no advice to give things like this twist my noodle i made the wrong choice

Can I ask which choice you made please?"
if i told you and you chose the other way and it went wrong id feel partly responsible sorry

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough


"I can get why you shouldn't say anything, but for me personally, I couldn't not.

You tell him and things end, or you don't and live your life forever wondering what if. You live it forever holding onto something that will never happen instead of finding something that will.

I told a guy I loved him, he blocked me and I've never heard from him since. Does it hurt? Hell yeah, but at least now I know and I can move on.

"

Blocking you seems like a pretty harsh response

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"Hello OP, you've posted before about your feelings for your fwb, yes?

I think that grief can manifest itself in different ways - maybe your desire to tell your fwb is as a result of wanting to live, seize the day a bit. As you've said you're in a bit of a weird headspace, I'd avoid talking about any feelings just now. Even more so because you've got conflicting feelings about seeing him again - if you're doubting it, it's probably best you don't just now.

Why not take a bit of time for you, mute the friend and focus on little things that bring you joy. Things that aren't dependent on another person? When you're feeling more you, work out what you want to say. How genuine those feelings are or whether you're honeymoon phasing hard.

I hope your headspace is better soon OP, x

We've been fwbs for over 2.5 years now and yes, I've had feelings for a while but out of respect to him I've kept them to myself as he's made it pretty clear that he wants nothing more than a friendship.

I keep having what if moments but I know that there is no what if. If I say anything at best we'll take a long break from seeing each other, at worst we'll never see each other again. Not sure I can handle either of those at the moment. Life is just really hard at the moment "

Sounds like you need to drop him

Nothing wrong with fwb if your both happy. You don’t sound happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can get why you shouldn't say anything, but for me personally, I couldn't not.

You tell him and things end, or you don't and live your life forever wondering what if. You live it forever holding onto something that will never happen instead of finding something that will.

I told a guy I loved him, he blocked me and I've never heard from him since. Does it hurt? Hell yeah, but at least now I know and I can move on.

Blocking you seems like a pretty harsh response "

I know! I mean I'm a delight.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Don’t die wondering. I learnt that recently. Just lay your cards on the table.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

My thoughts on this is as follows. I have fwb relationships because they are what suits me right now. I wouldn't be very impressed with any love declarations from any of them and I would imagine it would ruin things. Maybe talk to him about why he is in this relationship with you to try to figure out if there is any chance of it going further. That way you won't risk ruining things if he is very happy with the present arrangement.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I think if I was you I'd carry on with things as they are with your fwb, as long as you enjoy the time you share together. Until your more settled at least. Then if you do tell him how you feel and if hes not on the same page you will be able to process it better, and hopefully remain friends.

Its very difficult when you develop feelings with people on here. But when its time to go your seperate ways, its best that you both move on and treasure the memories made.

Hope you're feeling better soon OP x

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

It sounds like he's made it clear that the relationship can't be more serious than it is.

I don't know that there's anything to gain by you declaring your feelings.

If you're not happy just continuing how things are, I think you already know what would be the kindest thing for yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel like you should be honest with him. It's not good to continue on and your feelings only become stronger if it's something he's not interested in. You're going to end up feeling even worse than you do now.

At least you'll know where you stand, and you can deal with the fallout before you're dragged in deeper.

I'm sorry for your losses.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"With the death of quite a few young friends and family this year making me realise that life is really short, I really wish I had the nerve to tell my fwb how I feel about him. Tomorrow is never promised but the idea of rejection really fucks with my head. I know I should just bite the bullet and probably never see him again but the idea of never seeing him again really scares me.

I'm in a bit of a downer too which isn't really helping and I don't want to screw things up because I'm in a weird head space."

There is an old saying that is "if you don't ask you don't get".

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