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Advice on Body Confidence

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Does anyone have any tips on how to 'get over' body confidence issues? After yet another row with my FB about my lack of confidence I guess I've finally realised how much of an issue it is for me and I'm now worried it may push him away which I really don't want as I do care for him and feel more comfortable in his company than I have with any guy for a long time (pathetic I know!). I know my issues come from my size and generally feeling unattractive and I am starting to do something constructive about it, but part of me wonders if my confidence will improve once I shift the weight as I don't ever really remember feeling confident in my appearance.

We've been to clubs a few times, but have rarely played as I won't approach a couple I find attractive as I automatically assume they won't want to play with me, and I daren't start to play with a couple in an open room because I think it's unlikely I'll be their cup of tea. I understand that some, if not most of the time I won't be...but I think we could be missing opportunities where they would play with me because I've already made the decision for them. I'm getting frustrated with the whole thing now and just want to be able to relax and have fun without constantly questioning or doubting anyone who does claim to find me attractive...or assuming someone would find me hideous before I've even spoken to them. And it's not just swinging where this lack of confidence comes in, but it is where I've realised how bad it is.

I'm not asking for people to fawn and I don't really want to do a whole 'look at me' thread, but I would appreciate any constructive ideas on things I can do to just feel more confident in myself and my appearance, as imperfect as it may be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey there. Not sure if you want a male perspective or not but I was in same boat as you upto about two years ago. I used to hate my body as I had no muscles and looked terrible . I never took my t shirt off I wouldn't go swimming refused to wear shorts and that kinda stuff. My ex used to say I was silly and weird which caused us to argue and made things worse. But then one day i got slightly tipsey with a mate and we kept daring each other to do things this led us to go to the local nudist beach. There the dares continued till we were both nude and strutting up the beach. Haven't looked back since this time and I love my body. Not bothered in the slightest if someone else doesn't .

Hope this may help you a bit and good luck finding it

Will x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope, but when you find the answer let me know

I think the biggest thing you have to remember is, not everyone will view you as you view yourself

I dislike my body, i have a terrible habbit of deciding for others if they will like me or not, if i get a message from a good looking guy i will look at him and think well theres no point meeting him hes never going to like me in the flesh lol and i will mail him back saying thanks but no thanks, im the same in club, ive never had a problem finding people to play with him club but i put that down to the fact that im a single woman not because im attractive so i will decline offers from good looking guys as i feel i must be just a make do, and i dont want to be someones cant find anything better to fuck shag

most of us have issues, ive spent my whole life yo yo dieting, trying to be something im never going to be, i wish with all my heart i could just accept im fat and be happy with it, but i cant so its back on the diet .......again lol

your not alone in the way you feel x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/11/12 05:09:27]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought losing weight would give me confidence.

It didn't !

It just gave me new things to fret about.

As cliche as it sounds, it is about learning to embrace who you are - and often the physical is just the tip of the iceberg.

I am confident - not over confident, just confident in myself and with others.

That hasn't always been the case.

For me it just came with maturity and the realisation that I can't please everybody and I can't be attractive to everybody, so why try so hard to do or be so ?

Just be yourself and like that person mentally, physically and emotionally.

Some people have to manage the process, some people have an epiphany and others need professional help to get them along the way.

Realising that an issue exists is the first big step, but you may well be surprised - the issue might not be as big you first thought once you strip it down (no pun intended).

Allow yourself time and tell your FB to lay off - cos rowing about it and making you feel silly or guilty about it certainly won't help

This might sound a daft analogy, but think about it - I can't swim, but I am not afraid of the water.

I normally slink in the shallow end, but often the best thing is the danger of the deep end.

Sometimes I just have to jump in - but only if there is someone already there to help me if I get out of my depth.

Your FB could help you a great deal here - try working with him on it, but at your pace, not his x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I thought losing weight would give me confidence.

It didn't !

It just gave me new things to fret about.

As cliche as it sounds, it is about learning to embrace who you are - and often the physical is just the tip of the iceberg.

I am confident - not over confident, just confident in myself and with others.

That hasn't always been the case.

For me it just came with maturity and the realisation that I can't please everybody and I can't be attractive to everybody, so why try so hard to do or be so ?

Just be yourself and like that person mentally, physically and emotionally.

Some people have to manage the process, some people have an epiphany and others need professional help to get them along the way.

Realising that an issue exists is the first big step, but you may well be surprised - the issue might not be as big you first thought once you strip it down (no pun intended).

Allow yourself time and tell your FB to lay off - cos rowing about it and making you feel silly or guilty about it certainly won't help

This might sound a daft analogy, but think about it - I can't swim, but I am not afraid of the water.

I normally slink in the shallow end, but often the best thing is the danger of the deep end.

Sometimes I just have to jump in - but only if there is someone already there to help me if I get out of my depth.

Your FB could help you a great deal here - try working with him on it, but at your pace, not his x"

You talk better sense than all the councillor's I saw in the past.

What's the hourly charge

I agree with all above.

I have facial scars that are obvious to me and make me conscious but I've learnt to deal with it now.

They tell a story as far as I'm concerned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost a lot of weight and feel more self conscious now than I did when I was bigger.

My bloke friend gave me my confidence back. He likes me, no idea why, I used to think it was because he couldn't get anyone else but actually he gets loads.

I'm happy with myself I just don't see what other people see. I realised it doesn't matter what other people see/ think as long as I like myself.

OP, find things you do like about yourself. You won't like everything. Even supermodels have confidence issues. Understand that you will never be 100% body confident even if you lose weight/ change your hair/ whatever you intend to do. My advice (it usually works for me lol) is to focus on what you do like and ignore what you hate.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for the positive feedback, both to people replying here and privately...wasn't sure what kind of responses I'd wake up to! Everything said makes sense and has given me some food for thought.

Something I perhaps should have been clearer about is it rows are out of his frustration because he doesn't understand why I feel like I do, not any kind of dig or anything like that...he just doesn't get it and I struggle to explain why I feel how I do. He has very much a 'if they don't like me, fuck em!' mentality which I sometimes envy, and he can't see why a strangers opinion matter so much to me.

Guess I need to have a look at myself and my issues and try to find a way to be a bit happier in my own skin...and learn how to take a compliment when I do get them without wondering if there's some ulterior motive!

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Op you obviously have trust and respect for your fb?

It's time you began to trust his opinion. Do you realise how it feels to be told by someone you like and admire that your opinion is worthless and wrong?

That is what you are saying to him when you doubt that you are the sexiest woman in the room for him.

One of the first steps towards confidence is to accept compliments gracefully. Even if you still can't see why someone would think that give them the right to know their own mind.

Hopefully you will begin to believe that he finds you incredibly attractive (which he obviously does). And then you will begin to believe that others find you attractive too.

Think of a food you consider disgusting and gross and ewwwww! Something like oysters or marmite. Some people love it, some hate it. The two camps look at each other in wonderment that the other doesn't see it in the same light. But would you ever question someone's right to have the opposite opinion?

So to sum up: you're like marmite, you hate marmite but the marmite lovers out there are trying to persuade you to spend time with them so they can have a lick!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

get in the gym and smash it consistency is key

if u have already been at ur best physically and still had the same issues i`d try a different approach. most of us (people) have some kinda hang ups

improving urself physically and mentally wont always make them go away but will help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i Mark used to have a lot of issues about me being short and overweight , tried for years to lose weight,sometimes good results but always put it back on and end up how ive been for about the last 5 years,but now ive took on out look of if people dont like me or find me attractive thats there problem,as weve met lots of people who do like me and love having fun with me,dont put yourself down,personally i think you look very sexy indeed,people have prefferences and if your not theres dont worry about it,you are sexy and there will be loads of people who will love to play with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does anyone have any tips on how to 'get over' body confidence issues? After yet another row with my FB about my lack of confidence I guess I've finally realised how much of an issue it is for me and I'm now worried it may push him away which I really don't want as I do care for him and feel more comfortable in his company than I have with any guy for a long time (pathetic I know!). I know my issues come from my size and generally feeling unattractive and I am starting to do something constructive about it, but part of me wonders if my confidence will improve once I shift the weight as I don't ever really remember feeling confident in my appearance.

We've been to clubs a few times, but have rarely played as I won't approach a couple I find attractive as I automatically assume they won't want to play with me, and I daren't start to play with a couple in an open room because I think it's unlikely I'll be their cup of tea. I understand that some, if not most of the time I won't be...but I think we could be missing opportunities where they would play with me because I've already made the decision for them. I'm getting frustrated with the whole thing now and just want to be able to relax and have fun without constantly questioning or doubting anyone who does claim to find me attractive...or assuming someone would find me hideous before I've even spoken to them. And it's not just swinging where this lack of confidence comes in, but it is where I've realised how bad it is.

I'm not asking for people to fawn and I don't really want to do a whole 'look at me' thread, but I would appreciate any constructive ideas on things I can do to just feel more confident in myself and my appearance, as imperfect as it may be "

Goldi, there are usually quite specific issues at the bottom of 'Body Image' problems and they can be VERY hard to get over on your own.

If your funds allow, in all seriousness I would seek out a therapist, possibly hypnotherapist, and go and see him/her.

Both Perky and I have used therapists, for completely different reasons, and - so long as you do your homework and get the right one for you - can be worth their weight in gold (no pun int - honest!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for the positive feedback, both to people replying here and privately...wasn't sure what kind of responses I'd wake up to! Everything said makes sense and has given me some food for thought.

Something I perhaps should have been clearer about is it rows are out of his frustration because he doesn't understand why I feel like I do, not any kind of dig or anything like that...he just doesn't get it and I struggle to explain why I feel how I do. He has very much a 'if they don't like me, fuck em!' mentality which I sometimes envy, and he can't see why a strangers opinion matter so much to me.

Guess I need to have a look at myself and my issues and try to find a way to be a bit happier in my own skin...and learn how to take a compliment when I do get them without wondering if there's some ulterior motive! "

I know exactly where you're coming from, I have always had issues with my body image, to a degree, it doesn't matter how many compliments I get, I still don't see what they see, for me it's a saggy tummy, thunder thighs and a big bottom, but guys tell me they like it, doesn't stop me trying to cover them up when I meet tho.

I usually have a dig at myself, in a joking kind of way (before anyone else does) it's my defense mechanism.

Bussy...love seeing your responses, you talk so much sense, Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am going to say something now and please read it as a question rather than a statement or a suggestion.

You mention ur FB is 'frustrated' by your lack of confidence.

Is that because he doesn't understand the concerns or is it a more selfish matter that your reticence to play prevents him from playing ?

Or, if he does play alone, is his frustration borne out of guilt for leaving you whilst he plays ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am going to say something now and please read it as a question rather than a statement or a suggestion.

You mention ur FB is 'frustrated' by your lack of confidence.

Is that because he doesn't understand the concerns or is it a more selfish matter that your reticence to play prevents him from playing ?

Or, if he does play alone, is his frustration borne out of guilt for leaving you whilst he plays ?"

Oh btw - am not looking for a public response in that. It is your private matter. It was just something I meant to say earlier and something you may wish to consider.

I know FB's are meant to be 'no strings' but, to me, you can be caring, considerate and helpful to playmates without the need for strings.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am going to say something now and please read it as a question rather than a statement or a suggestion.

You mention ur FB is 'frustrated' by your lack of confidence.

Is that because he doesn't understand the concerns or is it a more selfish matter that your reticence to play prevents him from playing ?

Or, if he does play alone, is his frustration borne out of guilt for leaving you whilst he plays ?"

It is mainly that he doesn't understand why I feel the way I do, but an element of it will be that it then does prevent him (or rather us) playing...which I can't blame him for as I get annoyed with myself too for preventing us, and him, having fun. He doesn't go off an leave me even though I've told him to before now because I felt I was holding him back but he didn't want to. I do understand what you are saying though and if it was just a case of him being annoyed because of the playing then I think we would have run our course by now in all honesty.

And also want to say to temptingdevil, as well as making me chuckle your post about not respecting his opinion is a very good point, and I guess could explain why he does get annoyed with me too as it's like I don't trust what he's saying. Will have to ask his opinion on marmite! x

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By *eeriseWoman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

Hun I used to be a size 22 and I used to get an ex putting me down all the time calling me biggy chops ect...I lost the weight when I was good and ready and better still I did it for me.

If your partner is there for you and not being mean he will be with you no matter what but just try to understand what he is feeling to and in time you will both be happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My delightful first boyfriend subjected me to mental abuse, telling me I was getting fat, that no other man would want me, that I was lucky that he was with me. That was 8 years ago, I've had relationships since then but have always worried about my weight. I do the same as the OP in a club, I look at someone I like and think they wouldn't look at me sideways, that I'm too fat for them. I am now single through choice, I'm not looking for anyone and I still have hang ups. I don't see what others say they see. I lost weight after my dad died and I started swinging and slowly I'm starting to be more confident but its a very slow process. I will get there though. Confidence and body hang ups are very common but its about having the support around you, having people around you to help lift your mood when you're having a bad day. People to remind you that you are beautiful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have issues, i have been yoyoing on diets for years and it dosn't help with the medication that i am on, Half of my nervousness is through not being confident about the way i look. Pork often gets annoyed with me when i throw at him "Just look at the state of me, i can't do this meet"

I think you look great and you have quite a few verification's to prove it.

Ralax and enjoy and keep those veri's coming in (Perky)

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I thought losing weight would give me confidence.

It didn't !

It just gave me new things to fret about.

As cliche as it sounds, it is about learning to embrace who you are - and often the physical is just the tip of the iceberg.

I am confident - not over confident, just confident in myself and with others.

That hasn't always been the case.

For me it just came with maturity and the realisation that I can't please everybody and I can't be attractive to everybody, so why try so hard to do or be so ?

Just be yourself and like that person mentally, physically and emotionally.

Some people have to manage the process, some people have an epiphany and others need professional help to get them along the way.

Realising that an issue exists is the first big step, but you may well be surprised - the issue might not be as big you first thought once you strip it down (no pun intended).

Allow yourself time and tell your FB to lay off - cos rowing about it and making you feel silly or guilty about it certainly won't help

This might sound a daft analogy, but think about it - I can't swim, but I am not afraid of the water.

I normally slink in the shallow end, but often the best thing is the danger of the deep end.

Sometimes I just have to jump in - but only if there is someone already there to help me if I get out of my depth.

Your FB could help you a great deal here - try working with him on it, but at your pace, not his x"

Bussy, you should start charging for your bits of advice - better value than some therapists!

I would only like to add one thing : Talking to a therapist can help with lack of self esteem. Good therapists will allow you an initial free consultation during which you can decided whether he or she is for you. The success of supportive therapy is largely dependent on the therapeutic relationship rather than whether it is CBT, person-centred, psychodynamic or whatever else.

I am not suggesting therapy alone but it may help as a support while looking at some of the suggestions made on this thread.

What a lovely supportive thread it is as well!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We all have issues, i have been yoyoing on diets for years and it dosn't help with the medication that i am on, Half of my nervousness is through not being confident about the way i look. Pork often gets annoyed with me when i throw at him "Just look at the state of me, i can't do this meet"

I think you look great and you have quite a few verification's to prove it.

Ralax and enjoy and keep those veri's coming in (Perky)"

That's part of his case too...why am I fine with single guys but not as confident with couples or in clubs? Can't really rationalise it, although I guess I do worry that women can generally be a bit more bitchy and so I'm more concerned about how they'd say no rather than that they would say no.

Your advice on professional help earlier was noted, and may be something to look into if the weightloss doesn't have the desired effect on my confidence.

Must admit it has surprised me a little some of the posters with similar feelings about their appearance when that's not something I have picked up from comments in previous threads x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Hi

something that comes across quite strongly to me is that you have a very low opinion of other people. You think that the other women are going to be bitchy towards you and if they aren't interested in you will tell you in a nasty way. This might be borne of experience and if so I'm very sorry that you've come across people like that in your life. One of the first steps to self confidence must be allowing yourself to trust and like other people and above all to believe other people when they say you are attractive to them. I know that's much easier to type than it is to carry out in real life and you've been given some excellent advice, I hope it helps and wish you luck and above all confidence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a back up plan. I had a meet recently and I was convinced that they wouldn't want me as I've put a few pounds on.

My back up plan was to go shopping if they took one look at me and ran.

I didn't get to go shopping. Darn.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"Talking to a therapist can help with lack of self esteem. Good therapists will allow you an initial free consultation during which you can decided whether he or she is for you. The success of supportive therapy is largely dependent on the therapeutic relationship rather than whether it is CBT, person-centred, psychodynamic or whatever else."

Therapy helped my daughter enormously. there's no shame in visiting one for a few sessions as sometimes you need a strangers distance to help you see what to do.

My mother told me I was fat all my life (and still does. We reckon she suffers from anorexia nervosa by proxy - she thinks everyone else is fat!) but once I started dating I realised that no-one else thought so. It was her opinion of me that coloured my life, not anyone elses. Its so hard to change that, but surrounding yourself with people who are kind and supportive is the best way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing you have to remember is that no-one is perfect, everyone has issues with how they look.

As an example I don't like my boobs, do I get a boob job or do I keep them as they are, I opt to accept that they are not the biggest and move on.

Accept who you are and what you look like then you can move forward. You can join a gym if weight is making you feel bad which in turn will help you feel better about yourself. If you can't afford to join a gym keep active go for walks etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"get in the gym and smash it consistency is key

if u have already been at ur best physically and still had the same issues i`d try a different approach. most of us (people) have some kinda hang ups

improving urself physically and mentally wont always make them go away but will help "

I pretty much agree.with this. My body after two babies left a lot to be desired and I hated it. I joined the gym almost 12 weeks ago. Yes, I've lost weight but my confidence has sky rocketed. Every time I lift a bigger weight or achieve something I couldn't do previously I feel on top of the world. Amazingly, being in my gym clothes makes me feel sexy and confident and strong. I've got a long way to go body wise but I'm so much happier! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i Mark used to have a lot of issues about me being short and overweight , tried for years to lose weight,sometimes good results but always put it back on and end up how ive been for about the last 5 years,but now ive took on out look of if people dont like me or find me attractive thats there problem,as weve met lots of people who do like me and love having fun with me,dont put yourself down,personally i think you look very sexy indeed,people have prefferences and if your not theres dont worry about it,you are sexy and there will be loads of people who will love to play with you "

Spot on! xxx

If you stuck us all in a room together we would all still be worrying about lumps , bumps, stretch marks, wobbly bits.

I hated myself because in reality i've put nearly 5 stone on.

I still dont like myself but i've learnt to be ok with it and have alot more confidence in my body since i've started playing.

Try to relax and enjoy it xxxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"get in the gym and smash it consistency is key

if u have already been at ur best physically and still had the same issues i`d try a different approach. most of us (people) have some kinda hang ups

improving urself physically and mentally wont always make them go away but will help

I pretty much agree.with this. My body after two babies left a lot to be desired and I hated it. I joined the gym almost 12 weeks ago. Yes, I've lost weight but my confidence has sky rocketed. Every time I lift a bigger weight or achieve something I couldn't do previously I feel on top of the world. Amazingly, being in my gym clothes makes me feel sexy and confident and strong. I've got a long way to go body wise but I'm so much happier! X "

I have joined a gym recently and am hoping this will help...it will take a while for me to see real results but I'm determined to stick to it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried a club once and hated it, my confidence hit rock bottom for no real reason, think when meeting one on one pics have been exchanged and the groundwork has been laid and there is some interest on both sides. In the club situation I wanted to hide behind the guy I was with, i felt vulnerable even talking to others and unsure of myself and not in control of the situation

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By *hérieWoman
over a year ago

North Wales

I cannot possibly add to the wonderful words of support and advice here.

Just wanted to show a hand of support.

Best wishes. x

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By *atinaBabeCouple
over a year ago

casa caliente

omg honey i came from a country where most people born gorgeous and naturally confident , so i was really shocked to see how many ppl in the uk got body issues and low confidence thats really sad ,befor anything love urself more than anything despide being bigger u can see and feel urself beautiful and sexy dont change to plz others do for yourself if u hv to loose weight something thats gona b v positive for ur health more than for ur looks b happy xxxx

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By *orkieMan
over a year ago

Who knows

FInd something about yourself you like and focus on that. Your FB has obviously decided that you have a lot going for you. Work with him on this and enjoy the ride

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

I'm feeling what your saying Goldilocks and I wish I had an answer for you as then I'd know the answer myself. I had pretty much zero body confidence after a very long emotionally abusive relationship and I still really struggle now!! I have a fb I see regularly who is funny, clever, young and very very gorgeous and even though I've been meeting him nearly a year I still occasionally think 'why the hell do you want me' but clearly he does and tells me constantly!!

I've done the dieting, joined the gym and am currently 4 stone lighter than were I started but to be honest it really makes no difference as I know for me (and most women to be honest) it's about what's in my head and that I need to sort that out first but for now I've decided that my motto is

"I may not be everyone's cup of tea but I'd rather be someone's shot of tequila anyday"

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

Self confidence is such a hard thing to gain - and so easy to lose.

From the photo you have - I cannot see anything 'wrong'. Then again - I love your 'sort' of figure.

I can only say to the people I meet - look into my eyes and you will see how much you turn me on.

They know what I mean - but it takes time to believe that others find you sexy and attractive even when you don;t feel that way.

But never give in. Take things a step at a time.

x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i wanna personal train at some point to help people where i can with body issues

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By *eaboMan
over a year ago

marden

changing your body is not the answer, we are all different shapes and sizes and we all find different shapes and sizes attractive. Your fb is quite obviously attracted to you and cannot understand why you don't feel attractive, confident. Sexual attraction is not just about body, it is about personality, smell, demeanour and more. We all look at ourselves crtically (don't we ?) but take a moment and think how many people like you, how many smile when you walk into a room, how many people would like to play with you. Your fb knows what he likes and it seems to be you.

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By *ctavius StuntMan
over a year ago

london


"Does anyone have any tips on how to 'get over' body confidence issues? After yet another row with my FB about my lack of confidence I guess I've finally realised how much of an issue it is for me and I'm now worried it may push him away which I really don't want as I do care for him and feel more comfortable in his company than I have with any guy for a long time (pathetic I know!). I know my issues come from my size and generally feeling unattractive and I am starting to do something constructive about it, but part of me wonders if my confidence will improve once I shift the weight as I don't ever really remember feeling confident in my appearance.

We've been to clubs a few times, but have rarely played as I won't approach a couple I find attractive as I automatically assume they won't want to play with me, and I daren't start to play with a couple in an open room because I think it's unlikely I'll be their cup of tea. I understand that some, if not most of the time I won't be...but I think we could be missing opportunities where they would play with me because I've already made the decision for them. I'm getting frustrated with the whole thing now and just want to be able to relax and have fun without constantly questioning or doubting anyone who does claim to find me attractive...or assuming someone would find me hideous before I've even spoken to them. And it's not just swinging where this lack of confidence comes in, but it is where I've realised how bad it is.

I'm not asking for people to fawn and I don't really want to do a whole 'look at me' thread, but I would appreciate any constructive ideas on things I can do to just feel more confident in myself and my appearance, as imperfect as it may be "
Well strictly speaking i dont believe that we really own our bodys. You can test this by trying to get it to stop ageing or getting sick. The body tends to do what it wants whether you like it or not, so can we really say this is ours ? Our bodys seem to be something that we are only really borrowing for a short while. look after it feed it water it and of course LEARN to LOVE it. If you want any help please feel free to pm

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


" Well strictly speaking i dont believe that we really own our bodys. You can test this by trying to get it to stop ageing or getting sick. The body tends to do what it wants whether you like it or not, so can we really say this is ours ? Our bodys seem to be something that we are only really borrowing for a short while. look after it feed it water it and of course LEARN to LOVE it. If you want any help please feel free to pm "
You have a really good point there - it means accepting what you have been given but also looking after it in the way you can. I like that approach, I really do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"changing your body is not the answer, we are all different shapes and sizes and we all find different shapes and sizes attractive. Your fb is quite obviously attracted to you and cannot understand why you don't feel attractive, confident. Sexual attraction is not just about body, it is about personality, smell, demeanour and more. We all look at ourselves crtically (don't we ?) but take a moment and think how many people like you, how many smile when you walk into a room, how many people would like to play with you. Your fb knows what he likes and it seems to be you. "

Beg to differ as I was a size 18 going on 20 and was not happy with my body. I cut out all junk food replaced it with fruit n took erg ex walking cycling n step. Across 2 years the compliments started coming in and my life did change. I am now a steady 14 ( 16) around the bum and content and confident with my body.

We can take action for change - always.

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By *ursevampsWoman
over a year ago

bucks

im a big girl and i know it yeah i ould love to frett abotu what i ca change or i can enchance what igot learn to find the good in you i have great hair and a sexy smile i dont wear make up but when i do booy i get the look lol dress to imprress but remerber more is less make them think about what your wearign underneath gets you feeling sexy try texting fb and going to work no undies on take a pic and prove it trust me will help with confidence no end maybe sign up burlesque classes get you dancing sexy etc you will find it wll help promise x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"changing your body is not the answer, we are all different shapes and sizes and we all find different shapes and sizes attractive. Your fb is quite obviously attracted to you and cannot understand why you don't feel attractive, confident. Sexual attraction is not just about body, it is about personality, smell, demeanour and more. We all look at ourselves crtically (don't we ?) but take a moment and think how many people like you, how many smile when you walk into a room, how many people would like to play with you. Your fb knows what he likes and it seems to be you.

Beg to differ as I was a size 18 going on 20 and was not happy with my body. I cut out all junk food replaced it with fruit n took erg ex walking cycling n step. Across 2 years the compliments started coming in and my life did change. I am now a steady 14 ( 16) around the bum and content and confident with my body.

We can take action for change - always. "

I agree with this, at my biggest I was a size 24 I joined slimming world and the gym and lost over 9 stone going to a size 10/12 and I felt great, where I went wrong is I did it to quick, I lost 7 dress sizes In 11 month and I couldn't keep it up as I wasn't eating right and going to the gym every day, I have gone back up to a size 14 and I feel huge, funny thing is when I got down to a size 14 I felt great after being a size 20+ all my life I felt thin now I've gone upto a size 14 from a 10 I feel massive, I've gone back to fat camp and I'm doing it right this time, I've dropped a dress size already, I was a 16 when I joined and hopefully doing it right will help me keep it off, I felt great when I lost all the weight and I want to feel like that again, only we can change what we don't like about ourselves, I have used every excuse under the sun to justify my weight from fat runs in my family to blaming any medication I took but it was only myself I was kidding and I realised it was time to change......for myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately not all issues about body confidence arise from simply being a larger size..... I admit I have never been a size 10/12.... At the age of 18 I was a 14 - 16.... I had hoips and boobs very early on. I never really thought about it being an issue, as i looked good, I had a curvy figure and I will say men seemed to look at me from time to time, in a lustful way.

I have had the unfortunate misfortiune of having survived a physically and mentally abusive relationship, and even now 10 years on, if someone looks at me in a particular way, or says some thing in a particular way, it will immediate make me feel like shit and send what little self-confidence tumbling to the floor again. He was very abusive about my curves, and how i looked and if I dressed nicely I would get the third degree, which usually ended with me being covered in bruises... building that all back up is not easy and I find that my FB, whilst being amazing and always telling me he loves the way I dress and look, he cannot understand why these looks bother me or the way something might be said.... It is hard to explain why you feel the way you do about your body, but I know i will get there. It takes time and patience sometimes....

And yes men like us, seem to love all shapes and sizes and thankfully intellect. I know I feel a lot better about where I am now (still have some way to go, but people i meet along the way help me realise I am a good person, and that is just as important), and I would not want to go back to those dark days... but it is not simply about losing weight and wearing a certain dress side... I fear you have to look at the tiggers that send those feelings reeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm feeling what your saying Goldilocks and I wish I had an answer for you as then I'd know the answer myself. I had pretty much zero body confidence after a very long emotionally abusive relationship and I still really struggle now!! I have a fb I see regularly who is funny, clever, young and very very gorgeous and even though I've been meeting him nearly a year I still occasionally think 'why the hell do you want me' but clearly he does and tells me constantly!!

I've done the dieting, joined the gym and am currently 4 stone lighter than were I started but to be honest it really makes no difference as I know for me (and most women to be honest) it's about what's in my head and that I need to sort that out first but for now I've decided that my motto is

"I may not be everyone's cup of tea but I'd rather be someone's shot of tequila anyday"

"

Completely understand where you are coming from... like the motto, not there yet, but maybe one day xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just go based on the fact that everyone has their hang ups(women seem to show theirs more whereas guys like to make out that things like that don't bother them)

So if I have certain aspects about myself that i'm not confident with, say the lack of a six pack when women keep going on about stuff like that I remember that the people i'm meeting are also wary of their own bodies such as not being confident about their stomachs etc(I say that because it seems to be a main one for women).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Adding to that, when two people meet instead of both putting it off due to hang ups, remember you are there because you obviously have an interest in one another so no need to dwell on said hang ups. Sometimes small compliments to each other can also work wonders.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my wife is similar to you, but she is getting there. went to no3 at w/end and there were bigger women going round in nude, and no-one bats an eyelid. its the person that counts, if you see some one you fancy go for it, it will do more good when they say yes,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a problem too, so much so I can hardly talk to a lady unless she approaches me, a lot of this was because I have eczema and creams I use keep my skin good and in control but has side effect of making some patches a bit dark in colour. I've missed many opportunities because of it, even turned people away because I believe I am not good enough and they can do better when they see me without clothes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a problem too, so much so I can hardly talk to a lady unless she approaches me, a lot of this was because I have eczema and creams I use keep my skin good and in control but has side effect of making some patches a bit dark in colour. I've missed many opportunities because of it, even turned people away because I believe I am not good enough and they can do better when they see me without clothes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a problem too, so much so I can hardly talk to a lady unless she approaches me, a lot of this was because I have eczema and creams I use keep my skin good and in control but has side effect of making some patches a bit dark in colour. I've missed many opportunities because of it, even turned people away because I believe I am not good enough and they can do better when they see me without clothes.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I have a problem too, so much so I can hardly talk to a lady unless she approaches me, a lot of this was because I have eczema and creams I use keep my skin good and in control but has side effect of making some patches a bit dark in colour. I've missed many opportunities because of it, even turned people away because I believe I am not good enough and they can do better when they see me without clothes."
I can understand why you are finding this difficult - I will say this and hope it helps : My former partner had (at times quite bad) eczema and once I knew what it was it did not bother me one little bit. The [problem is that eczema is also worsened by stress and if you worry about it it might aggravate it. Try not to worry and it might improve. Incidentally, I am not a fan of sun beds but they do help some people if used in moderation. Also homeopathic remedies can be quite successful. Best of luck !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex is also on here and suffers from eczema and it hasn't really caused a problem from a meeting aspect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yeah, a lot of it is in my head probably is that fact I have worse than normal eczema and many many years worth has caused some discoloration in some areas that I think looks ugly

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just wanted to thank everyone again for the supportive posts and private messages. It's given me a lot to think about and as daft as it may sound, it is reassuring to know I'm not alone in having confidence issues on a site like this. I hope others have maybe picked up some advice on their own issues too and that I'm not the only one to have benefited from some of the pearls of wisdom given x

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

It has all been said, and brilliantly.

I was discussing this (the subject of confidence, not your post) with friends last night. We came to the conclusion that confidence comes from within. It might be affected by the external you but you have to make it yourself - daily.

You lay down the building blocks for it when quite young. If the foundations are strong then you can repair damaged confidence. If they are not strong you have to start from scratch and build something you can trust to last you a lifetime.

You have a fb you trust and enjoy. Finding that sort of relationship takes confidence. Try and remember what it felt like and use it again.

I'm short and fat but I have a wonderful 5'10", curvy but not fat, inner me that sometimes sees me through when the 5'0" fat woman isn't feeling so great.

Good luck.

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire


"Unfortunately not all issues about body confidence arise from simply being a larger size..... I admit I have never been a size 10/12.... At the age of 18 I was a 14 - 16.... I had hoips and boobs very early on. I never really thought about it being an issue, as i looked good, I had a curvy figure and I will say men seemed to look at me from time to time, in a lustful way.

I have had the unfortunate misfortiune of having survived a physically and mentally abusive relationship, and even now 10 years on, if someone looks at me in a particular way, or says some thing in a particular way, it will immediate make me feel like shit and send what little self-confidence tumbling to the floor again. He was very abusive about my curves, and how i looked and if I dressed nicely I would get the third degree, which usually ended with me being covered in bruises... building that all back up is not easy and I find that my FB, whilst being amazing and always telling me he loves the way I dress and look, he cannot understand why these looks bother me or the way something might be said.... It is hard to explain why you feel the way you do about your body, but I know i will get there. It takes time and patience sometimes....

And yes men like us, seem to love all shapes and sizes and thankfully intellect. I know I feel a lot better about where I am now (still have some way to go, but people i meet along the way help me realise I am a good person, and that is just as important), and I would not want to go back to those dark days... but it is not simply about losing weight and wearing a certain dress side... I fear you have to look at the tiggers that send those feelings reeling. "

Keep going hunny you'll get there xx

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By *ayseanMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Must say its good to see alot of good advice and common sense on the subject given to the OP,I would agree 100% regarding the gym which you have already joined which is great and as someone pointed out walking is another fantastic way to look+feel good about yourself,the main thing with exercise tho is that it releases natural feel good body endorphins after exercise so that helps improve your mood and the way you think of yourself,of course diet is important aswel,everyone has their hang ups mentally+physically,but perhaps embracing who you are is a good step forward too,good luck with everything!!

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"It has all been said, and brilliantly.

I was discussing this (the subject of confidence, not your post) with friends last night. We came to the conclusion that confidence comes from within. It might be affected by the external you but you have to make it yourself - daily.

You lay down the building blocks for it when quite young. If the foundations are strong then you can repair damaged confidence. If they are not strong you have to start from scratch and build something you can trust to last you a lifetime.

You have a fb you trust and enjoy. Finding that sort of relationship takes confidence. Try and remember what it felt like and use it again.

I'm short and fat but I have a wonderful 5'10", curvy but not fat, inner me that sometimes sees me through when the 5'0" fat woman isn't feeling so great.

Good luck."

Great way of putting it, especially about the nurturing of whatever little confidence one may have inside.

Also, I really like that great visual image of the 5ft 10 curvy woman inside. And in a way, while self belief cannot make you 5 ft 10... it can make you appear walking tall and being more confident in life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my best friend said to me once "you dont see yourself as others do"

really made me think..

Then the first young guy i met off these sites, he was drop dead gorgous! i did say to him before we met "why do u want me when u can have anyone" and he replied " Cos u r my fantasy, i adore BBW"

I met him in public, he turned and my jaw almost hit the floor he was so sexy!

We went back to mine and by the time we rolled apart it was 3 hours later! But he was soo into me.. loved all my wobbles, played with them, which i hate haha.. I realised that altho i dont like myself others do.. and who am i to argue XD

and yes i went on to have many lovely meets with that amazing guy.. but sadly he works abroad now

i also understand im not everyone cup of tea and thats fine..

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

Google Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT for short. I am trained in it. Message me if you want to ask any questions.

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By *ctavius StuntMan
over a year ago

london


" Well strictly speaking i dont believe that we really own our bodys. You can test this by trying to get it to stop ageing or getting sick. The body tends to do what it wants whether you like it or not, so can we really say this is ours ? Our bodys seem to be something that we are only really borrowing for a short while. look after it feed it water it and of course LEARN to LOVE it. If you want any help please feel free to pm You have a really good point there - it means accepting what you have been given but also looking after it in the way you can. I like that approach, I really do. "
Thank you. I find accepting rather than rejecting the way things are a great help in all areas of life.

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