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Upsetting love life experience from the past

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

When you've forgiven & stayed with Yr partner who wronged you (fully intending to forget & move on) when it returns in your sleep.

When waking up, It feels like it's happening now. Brings back all the anger and sadness with it.

Sooo annoying as can't talk it out because it's from years ago and would be dredging it up again for no good reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooo that’s tough. I have counselling / talking therapy so work through trauma there. Do you have anyone you can talk to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oooo that’s tough. I have counselling / talking therapy so work through trauma there. Do you have anyone you can talk to? "

This. It’s totally ok to have whatever feelings you have, and they are valid.

Therapy would possibly help.

Do you journal? That can be quite therapeutic too.

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By *edfleetMan
over a year ago

covent garden

And if you can’t find anyone to listen then talk it through with yourself. Talk it out load and listen to your own words - it may sound mad but give it a go - it works

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women are much more sensitive and find it harder to forget, truth is you'll never forget,men seem to be able to do it more easily. Speak to a pro, they've got the tools to help you manage your feelings and doubts. Just my 2 peneth

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"When you've forgiven & stayed with Yr partner who wronged you (fully intending to forget & move on) when it returns in your sleep.

When waking up, It feels like it's happening now. Brings back all the anger and sadness with it.

Sooo annoying as can't talk it out because it's from years ago and would be dredging it up again for no good reason. "

If it's affecting you it is a good reason to talk about it.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I don't imagine that it's something a new partner wants to know is still happening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/08/22 21:48:48]

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

Write a letter to yourself setting out all the hurt and anger you feel and when you are satisfied that you have it all written down, print it, put it in an envelope and when you are satisfied that it is finished in your mind, either symbolically burn the envelope, tear it to pieces and flush it down the toilet or choose a really windy isolated location and throw all the pieces to the wind.

I have done this in the past: immensely satisfying and nobody has to know!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Really touched by the kind & helpful comments above. It's given me a little nudge to myself that at least I'm not going crazy. I'm going to have a go at all those thoughtful suggestions.

Warmest appreciation thanks again

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Just because it from years ago doesn’t make it solved or closed. It’s resolved/closed when you say it is.

It may not seem fair to bring it up, but is it fair for you to deal with this alone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We played with the wrong couple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Women are much more sensitive and find it harder to forget, truth is you'll never forget,men seem to be able to do it more easily. Speak to a pro, they've got the tools to help you manage your feelings and doubts. Just my 2 peneth"

Women are much more sensitive?

Mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/08/22 22:13:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's hard to wake up from dreams where you are reliving old hurt. I used to really struggle to shake that feeling off. Like you it isn't something I really want to dump on my partner because it is hurt from my previous relationship. I will say I've had bad or upsetting dreams and she won't push to discuss it but will be aware of why I may be a bit quiet. Maybe speaking to your partner at a time when you're not affected and explaining you have these dreams, that you don't want to dredge up old hurts and that you aren't angry at him but that you would appreciate being able to just let him know what has happened for you so that you don't have to deal with the emotions at the same time as trying to hide them from him.

For me a hug can make a world of difference and doesn't need anything discussing.

Mr

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By *atriciayoiditTV/TS
over a year ago

hatfield


"When you've forgiven & stayed with Yr partner who wronged you (fully intending to forget & move on) when it returns in your sleep.

When waking up, It feels like it's happening now. Brings back all the anger and sadness with it.

Sooo annoying as can't talk it out because it's from years ago and would be dredging it up again for no good reason. "
never expect to be loved and love unconditionally.....?

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By *ophie199Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

Thumbs up dudes. Much love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Write a letter to yourself setting out all the hurt and anger you feel and when you are satisfied that you have it all written down, print it, put it in an envelope and when you are satisfied that it is finished in your mind, either symbolically burn the envelope, tear it to pieces and flush it down the toilet or choose a really windy isolated location and throw all the pieces to the wind.

I have done this in the past: immensely satisfying and nobody has to know!"

I've done a very similar thing in the past as well.

I recorded all my feelings, anger, worries.................everything all together. When i was content that it was all on tape, i kept it in a jiffy bag for a few months just to be shure i didn't want to "add to it". Once i was finally ok with it, i burnt it in the back garden, sending it off with a glass or two of single malt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We played with the wrong couple"

This sounds like it might be worthwhile you posting something to share this scenario. Can vouch that it has certainly helped me to get others opinions.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Write a letter to yourself setting out all the hurt and anger you feel and when you are satisfied that you have it all written down, print it, put it in an envelope and when you are satisfied that it is finished in your mind, either symbolically burn the envelope, tear it to pieces and flush it down the toilet or choose a really windy isolated location and throw all the pieces to the wind.

I have done this in the past: immensely satisfying and nobody has to know!

I've done a very similar thing in the past as well.

I recorded all my feelings, anger, worries.................everything all together. When i was content that it was all on tape, i kept it in a jiffy bag for a few months just to be shure i didn't want to "add to it". Once i was finally ok with it, i burnt it in the back garden, sending it off with a glass or two of single malt."

Marvellous.. Sounds like it was cathartic and healing for you. (Hope I get to that stage)

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