FabSwingers.com forum: A quick relationship question

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Would you be OK with a partner going out every weekend with his mates (mostly single of mixed sex) while you were left at home with the children?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Nope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope

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By *o scandalousWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 13/08/22 18:14:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes as everyone needs their downtime. However, only if he was happy to look after the kids whilst I go out too. It works both ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just no. At least you should both have that opportunity

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By *he love catsCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

Wouldn't be my partner for long if he did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes as everyone needs their downtime. However, only if he was happy to look after the kids whilst I go out too. It works both ways."

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By *o scandalousWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

If he had one night and you did the other night with single friends of mixed genders too then yes. What’s good for one is good for the other.

And he has to look after the kids that night, not palm them off to his mum/sister/a babysitter.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If we had time together as a couple and he stayed home with the children an equal amount of time allowing me to pursue my friendships, yes I would.

If the above didn't apply, no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes as everyone needs their downtime. However, only if he was happy to look after the kids whilst I go out too. It works both ways."

This. Context is everything. If I had a night out or to myself every week, & he also did, then that's reasonable. If I didn't get the same time opportunity for myself, then I'd say no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If we had time together as a couple and he stayed home with the children an equal amount of time allowing me to pursue my friendships, yes I would.

If the above didn't apply, no."

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

No not if it was every weekend, us mums need time too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No not if it was every weekend, us mums need time too."

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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

My gut reaction is no, unless you get your time away from the family while he looks after the kids. I don't think the gender if his friends matter, but by telling us they're mixed singles, it sounds like you don't altogether trust him- you may need to talk to him about it. Incidentally, does he know you're on Fab?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"My gut reaction is no, unless you get your time away from the family while he looks after the kids. I don't think the gender if his friends matter, but by telling us they're mixed singles, it sounds like you don't altogether trust him- you may need to talk to him about it. Incidentally, does he know you're on Fab? "

To be fair she didn’t say she was talking about herself.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Nope I wouldn't be happy or let it happen I'd spend the odd weekend with others and rest with my beloved partner doing things together

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By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

Time out from each other and kids should be equal. Unless you look after to them during the week if you don’t work then you should have more away time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This feels a personal boundary. I'm assuming the person isnt happy. That's all that matters. It doesn't matter if everyone answers fair, unfair or its a mix of answers.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

As long as it worked both ways and I had my downtime as well while he stayed at home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander

And as long as he’s not spending all the money

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By *undance_KidMan
over a year ago

London

"If we had time together as a couple and he stayed home with the children an equal amount of time allowing me to pursue my friendships, yes I would.

If the above didn't apply, no."

You always come out with wise answers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like he has a fab profile of his own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you be OK with a partner going out every weekend with his mates (mostly single of mixed sex) while you were left at home with the children? "

Nope. That’s not a balanced relationship is it?

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By *nto the LouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

"This feels a personal boundary. I'm assuming the person isnt happy. That's all that matters. It doesn't matter if everyone answers fair, unfair or its a mix of answers. "

Exactly this

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

I wouldn’t mind as long as it was a equal thing and I also went out with my friends if it was one sided then no ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you be OK with a partner going out every weekend with his mates (mostly single of mixed sex) while you were left at home with the children? "

Nope

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

No. We would share equal time or I would walk

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

No I’d not be happy and he’d be knowing it too.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It would only be OK, if each of us got the same levels of independence and ability to be out enjoying ourselves.

I'd probably want to have babysitters too, so that we could be out together.

No 1 partner should be getting imposed upon to isolation and burden, whilst the other gets freedom and fun

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Depends. In this scenario do I like going out? Do I get to go out myself and have him stay home with the kids if I want to?

Do I like my partner? Does he have the money to do so without it impacting my life and the kids' lives?

Do I care if his mates are single?

I have more questions too. But this feels rather like one of those questions where the person asking it wants to have their own views affirmed by their friends so they can go back to their partner and say "everyone says it isn't acceptable".

I'm not saying it is, just that's how it feels.

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

Doesn't sound like 50/50 to me, but than again every couple is different...

To be fair I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone that needs to go out every weekend (regardless if it's with me/friends/by themselves) I'm someone that likes and needs my nights in with my partner

Everything in life (and all that life is about) needs to be in a healthy/good balance...that's my outlook at least

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like he has a fab profile of his own."

Thats what I was thinking...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People only do or try to do to you,what you allow them to do.

Have firm boundries!!

Many of us are being tested every sec of our life,by preditors testing our boundries of we will put up with!

Its a " hunter and hunted! " real game of life being lived out, on Fab and the wider world.

I know we most and many have good intentions or we mean well.

Dont buy just mere words! Always look at action of intentions ,they will most certainly show you what others think and see you as.

Be mindful in this short life. Of whom you feed to your soul..

Peace.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And equally I can’t imagine being that “partner”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there got the t_shirt no problem

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Depends. In this scenario do I like going out? Do I get to go out myself and have him stay home with the kids if I want to?

Do I like my partner? Does he have the money to do so without it impacting my life and the kids' lives?

Do I care if his mates are single?

I'm not saying it is, just that's how it feels."

I agree. Some people wee more sociable than others, including their partner.

It could be that one of them is left home with the kids each weekend because they would rather do that than find a babysitter so they could go out together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It wouldn’t be for me, but everyone has a different dynamic.

It would be more important for me that we spent quality time together, and that nights out were a balance of one or the other going out, but with an emphasis on together time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

Pxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No division of labour and free time needs to be similar, not forgetting time spent together without kids is just as important.

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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

To be fair she didn’t say she was talking about herself. "

That's true

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By *ontyguy 39.Man
over a year ago

Pontypridd

Does your partner mind you being on a sex site????

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

"Yes as everyone needs their downtime. However, only if he was happy to look after the kids whilst I go out too. It works both ways."

It’s not often I agree with HS but this. If they made a fuss when the roles were reversed then there would be an issue but otherwise balance is the key to being happy

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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

It’s not fair if only one is going out and other is always at home.

As for single and mixed sex, I guess that is a difference preference depending on circumstances and contexts.

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By *angOnBunnyCouple
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Yes as everyone needs their downtime. However, only if he was happy to look after the kids whilst I go out too. It works both ways."

This. You need time with separate friends, but it's a partnership so both get the same deal and not the legacy misogyny attitude

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sorry I didn't give any context, I wrote it quickly in a coop carpark.

It was a general ask. Where I live it is still quite backward and seems acceptable that wives and girlfriends stay at home while the men go to the pub. I added a more personal point with the mixed group of singles (for all those wondering, it was one of the reasons I have an ex).

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By *tooveMan
over a year ago

belfast

"Would you be OK with a partner going out every weekend with his mates (mostly single of mixed sex) while you were left at home with the children? "

Nah. That's totally wrong. Selfish and disrespectful but know loads who do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry I didn't give any context, I wrote it quickly in a coop carpark.

This is about abuse really, I can have my fun but you stay home and do the ironing. Not acceptable.

My ex wife and I did alternate outings. If she picked up a guy and had sex with him in her car, then I did not have a problem with that. This was the 70s with no internet. We'd do it a different way now.

Like a profile one here.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

Unless was equal bor both sides other wise a big No

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Fuck no

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

"If we had time together as a couple and he stayed home with the children an equal amount of time allowing me to pursue my friendships, yes I would.

If the above didn't apply, no."

This

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Would you be OK with a partner going out every weekend with his mates (mostly single of mixed sex) while you were left at home with the children? "

No. But you haven't given enough information.

Do you go out on another night with your mates?

Do you both go out together ?

When he had children he has responsibilities and one of those responsibilities is working in a team, supporting his partner and not seeing her as a free babysitter.

Annoys me when women ask if the father will mind the children as if they are not his.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

If you both had time together one weekend, the next him with his mates, the following you with yours the fourth both you's together and with the kids.

It's about compromising and both of yous having your down time equally.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Sorry I didn't give any context, I wrote it quickly in a coop carpark.

Then the women are as much to blame for allowing that culture.

When people MARRY they need to forget the life of a single - going to the pub and clubs.

Yes see friends every so often or even every other weekend if the other partner has every other weekend too.

It's pretty archaic behaviour. See it all the time though.

I am certainly NOT talking about your case but I see most of the women being substitute mums with sex built in.

Yes people need other outlets but some take the piss.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Point! By MARRY I mean partner up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have an issue with a few times a month but family comes first and it's hard enough to spend quality time together as it is with work schedules and general day to day stuff.

If it was every weekend I wouldn't be happy at all.

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

If one gets night's out then the other should have the opportunity to do so too.

Then theres the going out as a couple which you should always make time for.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

No but I don't have children.

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By *he Artful TodgerMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire but travel

"Would you be OK with a partner going out every weekend with his mates (mostly single of mixed sex) while you were left at home with the children? "

Needs to be a balance, you both need time with friends but also “date night” with each other. Surely a bit of give and take…

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

"Would you be OK with a partner going out every weekend with his mates (mostly single of mixed sex) while you were left at home with the children? "

You stated this was a general question further down. I'll treat it as such.

My 2 cents worth - everyone has different views on how a relationship "should" work.

As such everyone "should" have their own boundaries in place, communicate those and work within them within reason, showing that there's give and take.

If the person minding the children has no issues with the partner going out every weekend, then it's not a problem. It becomes a problem when they are feeling left out, left behind, left feeling uncared for, left feeling jealous or envious etc. In which case a conversation needs to be had, and options explored.

Personally, I remember a time during my (failed) marriage where I wished he'd go out and socialize because he was isolating himself from family and friends, and I was bearing the brunt of a passive aggressive depressed man. I needed the space at home to mind the children.

A relationship is about finding a happy medium for everyone involved. Sometimes things happen in life where boundaries need to be adjusted for either your own welfare or for your partner's. Mrs

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By * F 2018Couple
over a year ago

shropshire

Nope

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Every weekend? No. I'd be wondering how he can afford it and why he didn't want to spend any weekends with me.

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By *alented manMan
over a year ago

Hereford

Absolutely not, even if she was the gaffer

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Each to their own but every weekend sounds very excessive, if not odd. And as most said, both should have equal opportunity to meet friends etc as well as spending nice time together too.

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By *urora1912Woman
over a year ago

Norfolk East anglia

"Yes as everyone needs their downtime. However, only if he was happy to look after the kids whilst I go out too. It works both ways."

This right here

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Nk. I'm all for people doing what makes them happy, but not at the expense of their responsibilities and to the detriment of others.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

"No. I'm all for people doing what makes them happy, but not at the expense of their responsibilities and to the detriment of others."

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By *otdave75Man
over a year ago

Chandlers Ford

Gotta be 50/50 hasn’t it? Everyone needs to relax, though I’m normally the one at home, I quite like it. It one reason my kids are closer to me than my ex, amongst other things

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By *antricSeeker60Man
over a year ago

Durham

Been there and have the tee shirt

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