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"Being happy in your own skin I reckon....." You mean being confident and comfortable with what and who you are ? | |||
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"Being happy in your own skin I reckon.....You mean being confident and comfortable with what and who you are ? " Yes I think that it is, and not taking life too seriously. | |||
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maybe? | |||
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"some put all their eggs into the swinging basket and when they break.... frustration ensues" Brilliant way of putting it  | |||
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"You shouldn't be in swinging if you can't take rejection. We are always hearing about how hard it is for single men, well try being a couple. Then all four have to hit it off, so its far harder to find a perfect match. But shit happens so you have to move on, as they say no use crying over spilt milk. At the end of the day when all four click it makes it all worth while. For us it better to have a few rejections ............ ok many rejections lol, than have a bad meet." Speaking as a couple for a moment if I may - I comepltely agree with you there. A four way match is hard to find. And yep, better not to play than compromise and feel bad about it after.  | |||
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"some put all their eggs into the swinging basket and when they break.... frustration ensues Brilliant way of putting it "I agree with you and View! It is when one thing becomes the only thing in life. | |||
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"I think while nobody actually likes to feel rejected that some people get genuinely hurt by it. Not saying they are right or wrong in doing so, it is just what it is. But for some people any rejection (work, home, social) can feel like they have been rejected completely and utterly as a person rather than not having been selected for a specific event or purpose. The other thing is that the feelings associated with being rejected can be of sadness as the primary feeling but it often comes out as lashing out and anger as that seems more acceptable in today's world. Not specific to fabs or swinging... just in general?" in general life its perhaps harder to deal wth as on here its just expected | |||
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"Being happy in your own skin I reckon.....You mean being confident and comfortable with what and who you are ? " | |||
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"Being happy in your own skin I reckon.....You mean being confident and comfortable with what and who you are ? Yes I think that it is, and not taking life too seriously." Bingo!! | |||
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"Also wondering as a few people have said whether the ability to bounce back is linked with a confidence that the world is not coming to an end because one has "failed" at one thing. Maybe that is something people learn very early in life, the drive to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on?" Again I agree with you, I have and always will be like my father, very determined and failure isn't an option | |||
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"Also wondering as a few people have said whether the ability to bounce back is linked with a confidence that the world is not coming to an end because one has "failed" at one thing. Maybe that is something people learn very early in life, the drive to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on? Again I agree with you, I have and always will be like my father, very determined and failure isn't an option "I have grown up with a very similar narrative - you dust down and get on with it. I can relate to that very much. But it does make me wonder sometimes, that behind each profile on here, well most of them lol... there is a real person with their own history and narrative and feelings. Arguably if you cannot be tough enough to handle rejection then maybe the life style, the site is not for you... but few people would actually recognise that as their own sensitivity? Not sure if I am making ANY sense here... lol | |||
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"Also wondering as a few people have said whether the ability to bounce back is linked with a confidence that the world is not coming to an end because one has "failed" at one thing. Maybe that is something people learn very early in life, the drive to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on? Again I agree with you, I have and always will be like my father, very determined and failure isn't an option I have grown up with a very similar narrative - you dust down and get on with it. I can relate to that very much.
But it does make me wonder sometimes, that behind each profile on here, well most of them lol... there is a real person with their own history and narrative and feelings. Arguably if you cannot be tough enough to handle rejection then maybe the life style, the site is not for you... but few people would actually recognise that as their own sensitivity? Not sure if I am making ANY sense here... lol"Yes you are completely, I also feel people have personas on here, and some are not good at judging the written text and can often be misinterpreted. I feel personally, while I enjoy fabs, some people (not me) can not differentiate between real life and the internet. Eg in all walks of life, there will be people who you do not get along with face to face, but over rated perceptions occur when a person signs in online. | |||
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"I think you just have to realise that this is a bit of fun, it's not the be all and end all of your life, well it shouldn't be anyway. As we're all behind a computer screen its a lot easier to reject somebody than it would be in a 'real life, face-to-face' situation (for some anyway!). It might actually be the case that if you did meet the person you've just rejected in such a situation, you could quite possibly like/fancy/want to take it further, but obviously on here it doesn't work like that, you make a decision based on a message you've been sent and/or how their profile is written (and how they look in their profile pics I guess). My approach is don't take it too seriously and just enjoy it for what it is and things come good in the end. "I agree with you, especially the last bit about not taking it too seriously. Maybe I am lucky that being a woman on here I dont experience rejection very often... but I really do think sometimes (and that is why I try to reply to each individual message I get) who is sitting at the other end and what impact might my reply have on them. Maybe I overprocess, maybe I put too much thought into what is effectively just a bit of fun and should nt be taken seriously - but somehow I cant help myself sometimes. | |||
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"I think you just have to realise that this is a bit of fun, it's not the be all and end all of your life, well it shouldn't be anyway. As we're all behind a computer screen its a lot easier to reject somebody than it would be in a 'real life, face-to-face' situation (for some anyway!). It might actually be the case that if you did meet the person you've just rejected in such a situation, you could quite possibly like/fancy/want to take it further, but obviously on here it doesn't work like that, you make a decision based on a message you've been sent and/or how their profile is written (and how they look in their profile pics I guess). My approach is don't take it too seriously and just enjoy it for what it is and things come good in the end. I agree with you, especially the last bit about not taking it too seriously. Maybe I am lucky that being a woman on here I dont experience rejection very often... but I really do think sometimes (and that is why I try to reply to each individual message I get) who is sitting at the other end and what impact might my reply have on them. Maybe I overprocess, maybe I put too much thought into what is effectively just a bit of fun and should nt be taken seriously - but somehow I cant help myself sometimes. "Meant to add... Some people can be very vulnerable to what they see as a rejection and an unkind word like "you are too old for me" or "too big/ skinny/tall/ short etc". | |||
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"A really interesting conversation I just had with a guy about the topic of even the most "successful" single guys having to handle a fair amount of rejection on the site. He told me that he compares rejection to snake charming ...once you have been bitten a few times you become immune to it! It made me think (and this is not about inviting criticism of anybody or any group on the site and the forums!) that some people cope better with rejection than others. What makes people more robust and resilient to criticism than other? " its an interesting question... I think for a lot of people there is a sense in realism in that not everyone is going to like you enough to play, that because you think you have a good body or think you are good looking then you are not owed meets..... call it perception vs reality..... the perception of swingers being easy and shagging load as opposed to swinger reality which is swingers are as choosy if not more so because they know what they are after.....and the wider those two are the more people moan and complain... I think a lot of it is how you cope with rejection in real life situations.. if those don't bother you, why should this? | |||
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"A really interesting conversation I just had with a guy about the topic of even the most "successful" single guys having to handle a fair amount of rejection on the site. He told me that he compares rejection to snake charming ...once you have been bitten a few times you become immune to it! It made me think (and this is not about inviting criticism of anybody or any group on the site and the forums!) that some people cope better with rejection than others. What makes people more robust and resilient to criticism than other? its an interesting question... I think for a lot of people there is a sense in realism in that not everyone is going to like you enough to play, that because you think you have a good body or think you are good looking then you are not owed meets..... call it perception vs reality..... the perception of swingers being easy and shagging load as opposed to swinger reality which is swingers are as choosy if not more so because they know what they are after.....and the wider those two are the more people moan and complain... I think a lot of it is how you cope with rejection in real life situations.. if those don't bother you, why should this? " I am curious, Fabio - is the rejection on this site different or not? In the case of a single male is it seen as a rejection of the whole person, his "masculinity" perceived or otherwise or what is it in your _iew? Not suggesting that you would have plenty of rejections... on the contrary lol But I am curious. | |||
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"The fact is when you are a single male on a site such as this you must expect rejection. The sheer ratio of single femals and couples compared to single males says it's going to happen. We all deal with things in our own way. For me it's about mannors and respect. Even if I have had a bad day at work or just a bad day in general then log on here to see mails I have sent have just been deleted then I have to respect that persons opinion. There is no way (and I never have)I would ever question why or send a rude mail. Sadly rejection is a fact of life we all have to deal with." Well said. And clearly you are a confident man who is comfortable in his own skin | |||
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" I am curious, Fabio - is the rejection on this site different or not? In the case of a single male is it seen as a rejection of the whole person, his "masculinity" perceived or otherwise or what is it in your _iew? Not suggesting that you would have plenty of rejections... on the contrary lol But I am curious. "for me it isn't, but i can see for a lot of guys who for example pride themselves on having a six pack.. or managing to pull every saturday night in a city centre, where getting a knock back in something which they would perceive to be an easier situation may get to them.... oh i deal with my fair share of rejection.... I don't take it personally and I am not going to be everyone cup of tea, even though I am luffley!!! | |||
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"A really interesting conversation I just had with a guy about the topic of even the most "successful" single guys having to handle a fair amount of rejection on the site. He told me that he compares rejection to snake charming ...once you have been bitten a few times you become immune to it! It made me think (and this is not about inviting criticism of anybody or any group on the site and the forums!) that some people cope better with rejection than others. What makes people more robust and resilient to criticism than other? " Upbringing. Years ago, the guy who was my manager used to have what I thought was the worst inter_iew technique I had ever seen. All he did was have a conversation with you about your childhood - all sorts of questions - and on that he made his decision. The jobs were in sales, and if there is one thing you have to be able to handle in sales, it is rejection. He had THE most successful team, out of 9 covering the UK, by a very wide margin. All the other area managers inter_iewed along 'traditional' sales lines. His way of looking at was that he could teach a candidate what they needed to know about sales, but he could do nothing for their ability to handle rejection - that was their parents job and some are better at it than others.. Took me years to realise how well he had sussed the requirements of the job. The same goes on Fabs - and I have made this comment on a number of threads in the last week. All the posts and threads about people being blocked and being offended about it are all down to the persons ability (or rather, inability) to cope with rejection...  Pork | |||
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"I get through it by simply accepting that I am not going to be everyones 'cup of tea' but that from previous experiences, I know what people think of me, both in looks and performance. Based on that, if someone does reject me, I simply move on and look for someone else because I always believe I will find someone. I dont mean that in a cocky or arrogant way, I just get on with life. The approach is also reflected in 'normal life', I dont get stressed if a car tries to cut in front of me, OK, the driver might boost their own ego but for me, I will still get to my destination at the same time, so why bother worrying about it - if I bring that approach to this site, I am confident I will have some more success on here." Was curious and just looked at your profile - it resonates your post, it sounds calm, confident and genuine - not allowing yourself to be devastated by one event. | |||
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" I am curious, Fabio - is the rejection on this site different or not? In the case of a single male is it seen as a rejection of the whole person, his "masculinity" perceived or otherwise or what is it in your _iew? Not suggesting that you would have plenty of rejections... on the contrary lol But I am curious.
for me it isn't, but i can see for a lot of guys who for example pride themselves on having a six pack.. or managing to pull every saturday night in a city centre, where getting a knock back in something which they would perceive to be an easier situation may get to them....
oh i deal with my fair share of rejection.... I don't take it personally and I am not going to be everyone cup of tea, even though I am luffley!!! "Shhhhh dont tell anybody. I think you are!!! | |||
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"A really interesting conversation I just had with a guy about the topic of even the most "successful" single guys having to handle a fair amount of rejection on the site. He told me that he compares rejection to snake charming ...once you have been bitten a few times you become immune to it! It made me think (and this is not about inviting criticism of anybody or any group on the site and the forums!) that some people cope better with rejection than others. What makes people more robust and resilient to criticism than other? Upbringing. Years ago, the guy who was my manager used to have what I thought was the worst inter_iew technique I had ever seen. All he did was have a conversation with you about your childhood - all sorts of questions - and on that he made his decision. The jobs were in sales, and if there is one thing you have to be able to handle in sales, it is rejection. He had THE most successful team, out of 9 covering the UK, by a very wide margin. All the other area managers inter_iewed along 'traditional' sales lines. His way of looking at was that he could teach a candidate what they needed to know about sales, but he could do nothing for their ability to handle rejection - that was their parents job and some are better at it than others.. Took me years to realise how well he had sussed the requirements of the job. The same goes on Fabs - and I have made this comment on a number of threads in the last week. All the posts and threads about people being blocked and being offended about it are all down to the persons ability (or rather, inability) to cope with rejection... Pork"That is a great explanation of how your boss chose and I can see where he was coming from. He is right that you can teach people many skills but the innate confidence to handle difficult situations what eat away at your self perception and self esteem... that resilience quite possibly comes from a healthy upbringing. | |||
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"A really interesting conversation I just had with a guy about the topic of even the most "successful" single guys having to handle a fair amount of rejection on the site. He told me that he compares rejection to snake charming ...once you have been bitten a few times you become immune to it! It made me think (and this is not about inviting criticism of anybody or any group on the site and the forums!) that some people cope better with rejection than others. What makes people more robust and resilient to criticism than other? Upbringing. Years ago, the guy who was my manager used to have what I thought was the worst inter_iew technique I had ever seen. All he did was have a conversation with you about your childhood - all sorts of questions - and on that he made his decision. The jobs were in sales, and if there is one thing you have to be able to handle in sales, it is rejection. He had THE most successful team, out of 9 covering the UK, by a very wide margin. All the other area managers inter_iewed along 'traditional' sales lines. His way of looking at was that he could teach a candidate what they needed to know about sales, but he could do nothing for their ability to handle rejection - that was their parents job and some are better at it than others.. Took me years to realise how well he had sussed the requirements of the job. The same goes on Fabs - and I have made this comment on a number of threads in the last week. All the posts and threads about people being blocked and being offended about it are all down to the persons ability (or rather, inability) to cope with rejection... PorkThat is a great explanation of how your boss chose and I can see where he was coming from. He is right that you can teach people many skills but the innate confidence to handle difficult situations what eat away at your self perception and self esteem... that resilience quite possibly comes from a healthy upbringing. "The other 'quality' has tested for was.... integrity....which, again, you learn from birth onwards. As most of us were around 21 at the time of being taken on by the company in question, we were a lost cause if we couldn't demonstrate that to him. | |||
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"A really interesting conversation I just had with a guy about the topic of even the most "successful" single guys having to handle a fair amount of rejection on the site. He told me that he compares rejection to snake charming ...once you have been bitten a few times you become immune to it! It made me think (and this is not about inviting criticism of anybody or any group on the site and the forums!) that some people cope better with rejection than others. What makes people more robust and resilient to criticism than other? " I treat it like a game of poker - slowly and subtly upping the bet until someone folds or calls me - never giving away my true hand until the very end either way I win | |||
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"A really interesting conversation I just had with a guy about the topic of even the most "successful" single guys having to handle a fair amount of rejection on the site. He told me that he compares rejection to snake charming ...once you have been bitten a few times you become immune to it! It made me think (and this is not about inviting criticism of anybody or any group on the site and the forums!) that some people cope better with rejection than others. What makes people more robust and resilient to criticism than other? Upbringing. Years ago, the guy who was my manager used to have what I thought was the worst inter_iew technique I had ever seen. All he did was have a conversation with you about your childhood - all sorts of questions - and on that he made his decision. The jobs were in sales, and if there is one thing you have to be able to handle in sales, it is rejection. He had THE most successful team, out of 9 covering the UK, by a very wide margin. All the other area managers inter_iewed along 'traditional' sales lines. His way of looking at was that he could teach a candidate what they needed to know about sales, but he could do nothing for their ability to handle rejection - that was their parents job and some are better at it than others.. Took me years to realise how well he had sussed the requirements of the job. The same goes on Fabs - and I have made this comment on a number of threads in the last week. All the posts and threads about people being blocked and being offended about it are all down to the persons ability (or rather, inability) to cope with rejection... PorkThat is a great explanation of how your boss chose and I can see where he was coming from. He is right that you can teach people many skills but the innate confidence to handle difficult situations what eat away at your self perception and self esteem... that resilience quite possibly comes from a healthy upbringing. The other 'quality' has tested for was.... integrity....which, again, you learn from birth onwards. As most of us were around 21 at the time of being taken on by the company in question, we were a lost cause if we couldn't demonstrate that to him.
"A very wise and experienced man by the sound of it. | |||
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"A really interesting conversation I just had with a guy about the topic of even the most "successful" single guys having to handle a fair amount of rejection on the site. He told me that he compares rejection to snake charming ...once you have been bitten a few times you become immune to it! It made me think (and this is not about inviting criticism of anybody or any group on the site and the forums!) that some people cope better with rejection than others. What makes people more robust and resilient to criticism than other? I treat it like a game of poker - slowly and subtly upping the bet until someone folds or calls me - never giving away my true hand until the very end either way I win "lol.. you like a bit of game playing then? | |||
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"A really interesting conversation I just had with a guy about the topic of even the most "successful" single guys having to handle a fair amount of rejection on the site. He told me that he compares rejection to snake charming ...once you have been bitten a few times you become immune to it! It made me think (and this is not about inviting criticism of anybody or any group on the site and the forums!) that some people cope better with rejection than others. What makes people more robust and resilient to criticism than other? Upbringing. Years ago, the guy who was my manager used to have what I thought was the worst inter_iew technique I had ever seen. All he did was have a conversation with you about your childhood - all sorts of questions - and on that he made his decision. The jobs were in sales, and if there is one thing you have to be able to handle in sales, it is rejection. He had THE most successful team, out of 9 covering the UK, by a very wide margin. All the other area managers inter_iewed along 'traditional' sales lines. His way of looking at was that he could teach a candidate what they needed to know about sales, but he could do nothing for their ability to handle rejection - that was their parents job and some are better at it than others.. Took me years to realise how well he had sussed the requirements of the job. The same goes on Fabs - and I have made this comment on a number of threads in the last week. All the posts and threads about people being blocked and being offended about it are all down to the persons ability (or rather, inability) to cope with rejection... PorkThat is a great explanation of how your boss chose and I can see where he was coming from. He is right that you can teach people many skills but the innate confidence to handle difficult situations what eat away at your self perception and self esteem... that resilience quite possibly comes from a healthy upbringing. The other 'quality' has tested for was.... integrity....which, again, you learn from birth onwards. As most of us were around 21 at the time of being taken on by the company in question, we were a lost cause if we couldn't demonstrate that to him.
A very wise and experienced man by the sound of it."He was a dirty old git too - think it must have rubbed off on me........ 
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"all my life ive had to fight against people saying your too short to do this, you'll never do that etc. all it does is drive me on with a passion to prove them all wrong." Good for you - I for one admire drive in a person. | |||
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" you like a bit of game playing then? " yeah - but I play with a stacked deck | |||
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"all my life ive had to fight against people saying your too short to do this, you'll never do that etc. all it does is drive me on with a passion to prove them all wrong.Good for you - I for one admire drive in a person. " sometimes to much drive is not in ones best interests. but on the other hand it does make for some interesting meets | |||
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" you like a bit of game playing then? yeah - but I play with a stacked deck" Sounds ominous - I prefer playing the honest way | |||
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"In answer to your question, I believe your life experiences define an individual and how you are able to cope - you are a sum of your parts" Sum of your experience, your own narrative, upbringing and ideals I guess. | |||
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"After you have been rejected by your other half on a permanent basis, then being turned down by a stranger is an absolute doodle! "Does it make you stronger, you think? | |||
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"After you have been rejected by your other half on a permanent basis, then being turned down by a stranger is an absolute doodle! Does it make you stronger, you think? "Certainly improves your aim with a crossbow..... 
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"After you have been rejected by your other half on a permanent basis, then being turned down by a stranger is an absolute doodle! Does it make you stronger, you think? Certainly improves your aim with a crossbow.....
"Nah, Barrett 50 cal - better distance for deniability! Makes more mess too! Lol! | |||
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"After you have been rejected by your other half on a permanent basis, then being turned down by a stranger is an absolute doodle! Does it make you stronger, you think? "Yes, I do believe so - I am a much stronger person and more confident now than ever. | |||
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"Being able to see positives in everything albeit maybe a small positive "Small? being able to hit the bull from 200 yards with my 250lb-pull 'BitchHunter' crossbow is, I would proffer, a rather large positive.....
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"Being able to see positives in everything albeit maybe a small positive Small? being able to hit the bull from 200 yards with my 250lb-pull 'BitchHunter' crossbow is, I would proffer, a rather large positive.....
"For your own health - I would suggest dont get into a debate with Minxie on the definition of "large" | |||
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"an understanding that you are not the centre of the world helps "I'm glad people have started to realise that - obviously they can't be the centre of the world seeing as I am
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"an understanding that you are not the centre of the world helps
I'm glad people have started to realise that - obviously they can't be the centre of the world seeing as I am
"Oh heck, the earth has just moved for me | |||
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"an understanding that you are not the centre of the world helps
I'm glad people have started to realise that - obviously they can't be the centre of the world seeing as I am
"fascinating  | |||
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"Being able to see positives in everything albeit maybe a small positive Small? being able to hit the bull from 200 yards with my 250lb-pull 'BitchHunter' crossbow is, I would proffer, a rather large positive.....
For your own health - I would suggest dont get into a debate with Minxie on the definition of "large" "Just saved me in time!!!!!!
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"Being able to see positives in everything albeit maybe a small positive Small? being able to hit the bull from 200 yards with my 250lb-pull 'BitchHunter' crossbow is, I would proffer, a rather large positive.....
For your own health - I would suggest dont get into a debate with Minxie on the definition of "large" Just saved me in time!!!!!!
"Think she has gone to bed... or something. Usually she steps right in... | |||
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"Being able to see positives in everything albeit maybe a small positive Small? being able to hit the bull from 200 yards with my 250lb-pull 'BitchHunter' crossbow is, I would proffer, a rather large positive.....
For your own health - I would suggest dont get into a debate with Minxie on the definition of "large" Just saved me in time!!!!!!
Think she has gone to bed... or something. Usually she steps right in..."watching like a hawk! | |||
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"Being able to see positives in everything albeit maybe a small positive Small? being able to hit the bull from 200 yards with my 250lb-pull 'BitchHunter' crossbow is, I would proffer, a rather large positive.....
For your own health - I would suggest dont get into a debate with Minxie on the definition of "large" Just saved me in time!!!!!!
Think she has gone to bed... or something. Usually she steps right in...
watching like a hawk! "yeah lol | |||
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