FabSwingers.com forum: Don't suffer in silence!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So after reading the sad news about bikerdrew. I seen someone had a status on their profile, they were struggling.

So I've reached out saud to contact your doctor, samaritains and look up mind.

So just to say to anyone struggling you're not alone.

If you ever need to talk, your Auntie Wendi is here.

Anyone that has other tips please post.

No one needs to struggle alone.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

As someone that has been in some very dark places this year I'd echo this. Always, always speak out, fight for help. But let your friends know too, people are awesome and kind and supportive. I've had the worst 6 months of my life but it is offset with being humbled with the kindness of people.

The only way too end the stigma of mental health is for more people to be open about it

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As someone that has been in some very dark places this year I'd echo this. Always, always speak out, fight for help. But let your friends know too, people are awesome and kind and supportive. I've had the worst 6 months of my life but it is offset with being humbled with the kindness of people.

The only way too end the stigma of mental health is for more people to be open about it"

Agreed as someone who suffers from mental health issues.

Anxiety and Depression, theres to much stigma about it.

Getting help is the first step and speaking about it, you'd be surprised at the amount of people who suffer from it.

There's no shame on it and asking for help people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

Agreed its very hard been there myself loads of times.

No one is a burden on others, it's always after you hear if they just said something.

So remember folks check in on friends, that one message could make the world of difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

x"
its true but id add to that slightly to its hard to listen to the truth with all the noise from the demons going on keeping you in the dark also

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

Also there are so many mental health support groups out there both in person or online, there are lots of charities too. I worked with The Listening Place in London and only heard of them through word of mouth, being open with friends means people will offer practical support like those groups.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

x"
this was me last year

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

x this was me last year"

I have never and never would open up to anyone. They have their own drama going on....its easier to just say "I'm fine" x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we have notice at work the amount of people struggling mentally this year and alot of its is down to worrying about the winter thats coming think theres going to be alot of breakdown just because of that ...and thats on top of a already bursting at the seams mentle health service

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a nice post x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Also there are so many mental health support groups out there both in person or online, there are lots of charities too. I worked with The Listening Place in London and only heard of them through word of mouth, being open with friends means people will offer practical support like those groups."

Agree with you there.

Unfortunately most of these aren't know or made aware to people.

Even a quick Google search will help someone.

Maybe talking to a stranger online rather than face to face will help someone.

It might be easier to do, don't let the demons win.

Remember we're all here for a reason no matter how big are small.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in hospital for three months just horrible

Time and it made me worse I came home zero support I wasn’t myself, I was mute for a week and it’s only now I’m sort of getting myself back

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

I appreciate your words...I know they come from a genuine place and desire to help others...but for some of us the idea of talking about our struggles is just not an option

"I am OK

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

x this was me last year

I have never and never would open up to anyone. They have their own drama going on....its easier to just say "I'm fine" x"

I deal better with other people's drama than my own. You can come to me/us and unload. In turn I am happy to tell you that I am fine.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"So after reading the sad news about bikerdrew. I seen someone had a status on their profile, they were struggling.

So I've reached out saud to contact your doctor, samaritains and look up mind.

So just to say to anyone struggling you're not alone.

If you ever need to talk, your Auntie Wendi is here.

Anyone that has other tips please post.

No one needs to struggle alone."
always good to keep repeating these messages. Too many people don't ask for help.

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

Sometimes you just don't know what to say.

You grow to get used to it so it just seems "normal" to feel the way you do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to someone and let them be the flashlight that guides you out of that dark place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

x this was me last year

I have never and never would open up to anyone. They have their own drama going on....its easier to just say "I'm fine" x"

This is where I am, no point as everyone is so busy with their own life its not worth it , as the usual answers are " oh id love sometime on my own" or " there's worse off than you" a long weekend gone by and not one text from any of my so called friends.

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By *arickMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

I have been sick from work for 3 months now, can't see a way back. I can type how I feel but cant say it, have family but feel alone. Its really not easy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve asked for help and I get refused it so for some people it isn’t a case of not asking for help it’s the fact that even when they beg for that help they still don’t get it, I’ve given up now

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"I’ve asked for help and I get refused it so for some people it isn’t a case of not asking for help it’s the fact that even when they beg for that help they still don’t get it, I’ve given up now "

That's very true. It's also not easy to keep asking when you keep getting rejected when you're not thinking straight

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As I said folks message me if you need someone to talk to it can be anything.

I've been there myself.

Yes it's hard. People jave their own life and problems.

I know how it feels.

I'm on new medication after going through a very bad year of depression.

I know all my tell tale signs, when I'm not good.

I choose to ignore them and carry on not talk seek help, I done more damage than good doing this.

I know what the demons feel like, oh here they go again.

Yes there are people worse off. That dosent mean your problems and struggles aren't real or important to you.

All I'm trying to say is if you can't talk to the doctor or loved ones or friends.

I'm here maybe a total stranger on the Internet might be a beckon that you need right now. X

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

We'll take you

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By *lirtyAndFunCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

It's a hard road, keep trying.

Our daughter has anxiety & severe depression that leads to self harming & rage. We also get rejected for help as she isn't great at talking to strangers so they give up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang on what have i missed? I guessing by whats being said, but what?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Arrr shit so he had a bike crash. R.I.P xx

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"As I said folks message me if you need someone to talk to it can be anything.

I've been there myself.

Yes it's hard. People jave their own life and problems.

I know how it feels.

I'm on new medication after going through a very bad year of depression.

I know all my tell tale signs, when I'm not good.

I choose to ignore them and carry on not talk seek help, I done more damage than good doing this.

I know what the demons feel like, oh here they go again.

Yes there are people worse off. That dosent mean your problems and struggles aren't real or important to you.

All I'm trying to say is if you can't talk to the doctor or loved ones or friends.

I'm here maybe a total stranger on the Internet might be a beckon that you need right now. X"

Unfortunately due to experience on here, I would never confide in anyone. Can't trust people these days sadly x

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By *asycouple1971Couple
over a year ago

midlands

Maybe we can have a sensible forum set up on fab for people that are struggling with links?

Something admin can sort out?

RIP Drew.

We had a few good chats.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As I said folks message me if you need someone to talk to it can be anything.

I've been there myself.

Yes it's hard. People jave their own life and problems.

I know how it feels.

I'm on new medication after going through a very bad year of depression.

I know all my tell tale signs, when I'm not good.

I choose to ignore them and carry on not talk seek help, I done more damage than good doing this.

I know what the demons feel like, oh here they go again.

Yes there are people worse off. That dosent mean your problems and struggles aren't real or important to you.

All I'm trying to say is if you can't talk to the doctor or loved ones or friends.

I'm here maybe a total stranger on the Internet might be a beckon that you need right now. X

Unfortunately due to experience on here, I would never confide in anyone. Can't trust people these days sadly x"

Totally understand, my point is to highlight people aren't alone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe we can have a sensible forum set up on fab for people that are struggling with links?

Something admin can sort out?

RIP Drew.

We had a few good chats. "

Agreed.

Mental health isn't highlighted enough and is at it's capacity on the NHS.

This thread is to highlight other ways for people to get help and to know there's people and places always willing to help and support you.

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

It's hard sometimes for people to make time for themselves or talk about their struggles. Especially if they are constantly trying to support others who in their eyes are struggling/suffering/need more support and they just 'soldier' on.

Some people also have nobody around them that feel they can talk to but more importantly to point them to the direction of help.

I can't tell you how sad this news made me today. Who knows what kind of little gesture by someone could have stopped it or indeed if it would have done.

My thoughts are with his family and friends.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

The flipside to speaking out is people being kind and empathetic. And a lot of people on this forum need to reflect on that. Not with Drew, Drew was popular and liked but the reaction some single men receive on here when they show sine vulnerability is really negative and destructive particularly when it leads to a pile on of more and more posters trying to out do each other. Of course it's never on threads overtly about mental health, but the reaction a man got on here recently after posting about struggling with his weight abd fitness or when a man asks for profile feedback... People need to learn to be kind, actually be kind not just claim they are

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"The flipside to speaking out is people being kind and empathetic. And a lot of people on this forum need to reflect on that. Not with Drew, Drew was popular and liked but the reaction some single men receive on here when they show sine vulnerability is really negative and destructive particularly when it leads to a pile on of more and more posters trying to out do each other. Of course it's never on threads overtly about mental health, but the reaction a man got on here recently after posting about struggling with his weight abd fitness or when a man asks for profile feedback... People need to learn to be kind, actually be kind not just claim they are"

Spot on.

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By *ylonloverxxMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Unfortunately for some talking doesn't help. I've seen endless counsellors, therapist's, spoken to family and friends... but the demons inside me are still there and will be till the day I die. I've just learnt to deal with them myself

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By *nto the LouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

I think this thread highlights the barriers to people reaching out. All anyone can do is to keep chipping away at the taboos, be kind and non-judgemental and support people to choose what they feel is best for them x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So after reading the sad news about bikerdrew. I seen someone had a status on their profile, they were struggling.

So I've reached out saud to contact your doctor, samaritains and look up mind.

So just to say to anyone struggling you're not alone.

If you ever need to talk, your Auntie Wendi is here.

Anyone that has other tips please post.

No one needs to struggle alone."

Great thread. If you are struggling with your mental health seek help. Don't suffer in silence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I'm feeling down and low, I just imagine what Simon Cowells face will look like in another 5 years. That always cheers me up immediately.

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By *ire_thornMan
over a year ago

no comment

I've got an ear for listening and a shoulder to lean on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Helplines are good . Just someone to offload too. Also journal your thoughts. Mindfulness. Breathing exercises. Etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

Agreed

I have people I can reach out to but did not stop me trying to end it a few years ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is help out there true but as we know it can be very limited and sometimes people think that others need it more than they do.

There are things that can help but the trick is finding out what works for the individual as different things work for different people

Hugs to anyone suffering

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By *0IAN00Man
over a year ago

Dumfries & Galloway

What a nice post this is . I've been struggling but I'm fine. I say that because my gp has been great and they referred me to counseling which has made me feel like I'm in good hands.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know if it's just me, but I prefer to suffer in silence.

I hate talking about problems, I just bottle them up, get pissed and have a good old cry to let the emotion out of me.

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By *ad boy maverickMan
over a year ago

basildon

Not everyone is bad Sparkle.

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By *ad boy maverickMan
over a year ago

basildon

A lot of counsellors are rubbish and don't help much as they have tick sheets to fill out. They rarely help with the problem. The only way to solve it is face what the problem is. Figure out why it happened then confront it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As I said folks message me if you need someone to talk to it can be anything.

I've been there myself.

Yes it's hard. People jave their own life and problems.

I know how it feels.

I'm on new medication after going through a very bad year of depression.

I know all my tell tale signs, when I'm not good.

I choose to ignore them and carry on not talk seek help, I done more damage than good doing this.

I know what the demons feel like, oh here they go again.

Yes there are people worse off. That dosent mean your problems and struggles aren't real or important to you.

All I'm trying to say is if you can't talk to the doctor or loved ones or friends.

I'm here maybe a total stranger on the Internet might be a beckon that you need right now. X

Unfortunately due to experience on here, I would never confide in anyone. Can't trust people these days sadly x"
oi you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some one in my family committed suicide online ( fb live ) and I cannot stress enough…. If you need to talk then talk! My inbox will not be ignored for anyone xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lot of counsellors are rubbish and don't help much as they have tick sheets to fill out. They rarely help with the problem. "

This applies to me, all they want to do is put me on meds which make me a zombie.

No thanks!

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"As I said folks message me if you need someone to talk to it can be anything.

I've been there myself.

Yes it's hard. People jave their own life and problems.

I know how it feels.

I'm on new medication after going through a very bad year of depression.

I know all my tell tale signs, when I'm not good.

I choose to ignore them and carry on not talk seek help, I done more damage than good doing this.

I know what the demons feel like, oh here they go again.

Yes there are people worse off. That dosent mean your problems and struggles aren't real or important to you.

All I'm trying to say is if you can't talk to the doctor or loved ones or friends.

I'm here maybe a total stranger on the Internet might be a beckon that you need right now. X

Unfortunately due to experience on here, I would never confide in anyone. Can't trust people these days sadly xoi you "

It's true. Those you think are friends are the ones to stick the knives in first x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See the problem I have is seeing a decent doctor as most have no clue and just want to get you back out door,

And it happened to me last week then bang downwards spiral again then see a decent doctor that’s listens is a hard process to keep going through

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"See the problem I have is seeing a decent doctor as most have no clue and just want to get you back out door,

And it happened to me last week then bang downwards spiral again then see a decent doctor that’s listens is a hard process to keep going through "

Most GPs can't do anything beyond mild low mood/anxiety/depression, and some aren't even comfortable with that. It's a huge hole in the care system.

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By *nto the LouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

"A lot of counsellors are rubbish and don't help much as they have tick sheets to fill out. They rarely help with the problem. The only way to solve it is face what the problem is. Figure out why it happened then confront it. "

I’m training to be a counsellor and this makes me

sad. Counselling can be a huge help, but you’ve got to have the right type of counselling for you and a good relationship with the counsellor. There’s certainly no tick boxes in the type I’m studying. Sadly if you’re reliant on the NHS then your options may be limited.

Whilst your advice at the end is ok in theory, not everyone is strong enough or able to face things by themselves and some people have hugely complex issues that need somebody to help them tackle.

Just in response to the comment further down too, counsellors do not diagnose or prescribe medication x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As I said folks message me if you need someone to talk to it can be anything.

I've been there myself.

Yes it's hard. People jave their own life and problems.

I know how it feels.

I'm on new medication after going through a very bad year of depression.

I know all my tell tale signs, when I'm not good.

I choose to ignore them and carry on not talk seek help, I done more damage than good doing this.

I know what the demons feel like, oh here they go again.

Yes there are people worse off. That dosent mean your problems and struggles aren't real or important to you.

All I'm trying to say is if you can't talk to the doctor or loved ones or friends.

I'm here maybe a total stranger on the Internet might be a beckon that you need right now. X

Unfortunately due to experience on here, I would never confide in anyone. Can't trust people these days sadly xoi you

It's true. Those you think are friends are the ones to stick the knives in first x"
its not a knife ffs its a willy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have good days and bad days but every day is a struggle. This evening I cried when I was in the shower, it just happens out of the blue. Could be my depression or a symptom of peri-menopause. Either way, it gave me a bit of a release x

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By *izz and jWoman
over a year ago

reading

Been there a few time my self it’s hard to get back up all so have a daughter and sun days she just tell me she wants to die so live can be very hard at times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Been there a few time my self it’s hard to get back up all so have a daughter and sun days she just tell me she wants to die so live can be very hard at times"

Fortunate she can talk to you

Most of my family don't know the depth of the darkness as there is such a face on when talking to and distance means there is little they can do

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By *izz and jWoman
over a year ago

reading

It’s so hobbile to see her like it but I try my best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Been there a few time my self it’s hard to get back up all so have a daughter and sun days she just tell me she wants to die so live can be very hard at times

Fortunate she can talk to you

Most of my family don't know the depth of the darkness as there is such a face on when talking to and distance means there is little they can do "

I had multiple friends that I was deployed with that are no longer here. You have to reach out to others silence is not a option. It breaks heart that one day everything is fine but you have a hidden agenda. That agenda is not a option. Hell I am a American you need a ear to lean on no matter what just message me. Hopefully we all can help one another in a crisis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s so hobbile to see her like it but I try my best "

Am sure you do

It can be just as hard on the friends and family trying to support

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By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman
over a year ago

lancashire

I have lost a few close friends to suicide...always try to reach out to people you know are feeling despair...even when they push you away or tell you 'they're ok'...keep the contact with them as much as you can!! To all lost souls..I hope you have all found the peace you never found in life

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

xits true but id add to that slightly to its hard to listen to the truth with all the noise from the demons going on keeping you in the dark also"

Totally agree with both these points of view

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk... Reach out.. alot of people have sympathetic ears... Get a different perspective.Rraching out shouldn't be a social sin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

xits true but id add to that slightly to its hard to listen to the truth with all the noise from the demons going on keeping you in the dark also

Totally agree with both these points of view

Agree with the second point as well. What keeps me fighting is friends yet I can't see myself the way they do

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By *ySweetLadyWoman
over a year ago

London

All I can say is that it is a very lonely and dark place when you are “down there” and it is even worse when you have no one to talk to and you have to pretend that everything is okay in front of everybody else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's very true. It's also not easy to keep asking when you keep getting rejected when you're not thinking straight "

Unfortunately, this is something I have experienced. I’m very good at putting on a brave face and masking the truth. Which makes it harder for friends to understand.

Personally I’ve found talking to someone outside my social circle can be more helpful and supportive than confiding in a close friend.

Also, I’ve found if you don’t have a mainstream belief or faith system it can be harder for professional services and charities who are often staffed and funded by mainstream religious bodies. That’s not a dig in any way, shape or form, just a personal experience.

My DM’s are always open. If you need to talk in confidence please feel free to message. Look after yourself, you bunch of beautiful (and somewhat perverted) people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Suffered for 13 years with mental health, had suicidal thoughts, even got everything ready to go through with it, but didn't in the end.

There's help out there, I was fortunate enough to get good levels of help.

Had a supportive family and some supportive friends, some completely abandoned me, but it don't hold it against them as people are ignorant to mental health issues.

Two bits of advice that were given to me, one by a friends dad, who had suffered a long time ago.

He told me, "don't look for the reason why you're ill, accept it, try to look forward, try to climb out of that blackness"

The second, from my counsellor, she told me " know the difference between being sad, and being depressed "

Both have work in good stead for me.

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

Suffering with health anxiety, but all I got told was “you’re a hypochondriac”, “you’re useless” etc from the very people who I needed to lean on, my family.

Thankfully I’ve started therapy with someone who specialises in Anxiety, so hoping that will help pull me out and back on the right path.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone who works on the mental health line for an insurance company I would like to emphasis how important mental health is and most companies will allow you a day or 2 to reset your health if needed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's very true. It's also not easy to keep asking when you keep getting rejected when you're not thinking straight

Unfortunately, this is something I have experienced. I’m very good at putting on a brave face and masking the truth. Which makes it harder for friends to understand.

Personally I’ve found talking to someone outside my social circle can be more helpful and supportive than confiding in a close friend.

My DM’s are always open. If you need to talk in confidence please feel free to message. Look after yourself, you bunch of beautiful (and somewhat perverted) people. "

The health professionals have failed me since I was very young! It’s been down to my church who have got me into a programme I’ve been attending for months now and are sorting me out a therapist. It shouldn’t have been down to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

So true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately when you are so far in that dark place, you feel like you can't talk to anyone

x this was me last year"

I really hope you are coping better now. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having just had my latest therapy the challenge is now on me

I have people telling me that I have worth and deserve a life and fun but the narrative in my head tells me different

The challenge is to change that narrative and that's where I struggle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/08/22 15:33:18]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's very true that when you are in a dark place sometimes you can't see the light and don't feel you can talk to anybody.

However sometimes somebody reaching out even if you don't feel you can talk to that person can help in the moment.

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By *il sub princessWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

Sorry, what happened to Bikerdrew?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/08/22 15:54:21]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry, what happened to Bikerdrew? "
search bikerdrew in forum search will tell you all you need to know its not my place to say so il just point you there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Suffered for 13 years with mental health, had suicidal thoughts, even got everything ready to go through with it, but didn't in the end.

There's help out there, I was fortunate enough to get good levels of help.

Had a supportive family and some supportive friends, some completely abandoned me, but it don't hold it against them as people are ignorant to mental health issues.

Two bits of advice that were given to me, one by a friends dad, who had suffered a long time ago.

He told me, "don't look for the reason why you're ill, accept it, try to look forward, try to climb out of that blackness"

The second, from my counsellor, she told me " know the difference between being sad, and being depressed "

Both have work in good stead for me.

This makes a lot of sense. Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry, what happened to Bikerdrew? search bikerdrew in forum search will tell you all you need to know its not my place to say so il just point you there"

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1337383

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