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I feel ugly

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

So today was the first time I've had sex since I gave birth a month ago. The sex was good, it always is, but he didn't cum even though he said he did. You can always tell. I know he was probably too hot in my sauna of a room or the fact that he's struggling with his health at the moment but I can't help but feel it was because of me and because my body has changed. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a super model, nowhere near but my body definitely took a beating from my pregnancy. We've been shagging for 2.5 years, we'd not had sex in 10 weeks and I just really needed it and now I don't feel my usual post coitus happy self. In fact I'm crying because I feel hideous and its not his fault its mine.

No real point to this, just feeling fat, ugly and sorry for myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sure you look absolutely beautiful! xx

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By *abasaurus RexMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Talk to him? You might think what’s the point, I know what he’s going to say (it’s not you, too hot etc) but sometimes it still helps to hear it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So today was the first time I've had sex since I gave birth a month ago. The sex was good, it always is, but he didn't cum even though he said he did. You can always tell. I know he was probably too hot in my sauna of a room or the fact that he's struggling with his health at the moment but I can't help but feel it was because of me and because my body has changed. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a super model, nowhere near but my body definitely took a beating from my pregnancy. We've been shagging for 2.5 years, we'd not had sex in 10 weeks and I just really needed it and now I don't feel my usual post coitus happy self. In fact I'm crying because I feel hideous and its not his fault its mine.

No real point to this, just feeling fat, ugly and sorry for myself "

I’m sure you look amazing, as you’ve said, he isn’t in the best of health, it’s just unfortunate timing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh bless you, don’t be hard on yourself . Only a month ago you went through something amazing and it can really do a number on your emotions. Please do talk to your partner about it, I’m sure he will reassure you that you’re just as beautiful as you’ve always been.

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By *nigmatic_AngelWoman
over a year ago

The place where fairies live


"So today was the first time I've had sex since I gave birth a month ago. The sex was good, it always is, but he didn't cum even though he said he did. You can always tell. I know he was probably too hot in my sauna of a room or the fact that he's struggling with his health at the moment but I can't help but feel it was because of me and because my body has changed. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a super model, nowhere near but my body definitely took a beating from my pregnancy. We've been shagging for 2.5 years, we'd not had sex in 10 weeks and I just really needed it and now I don't feel my usual post coitus happy self. In fact I'm crying because I feel hideous and its not his fault its mine.

No real point to this, just feeling fat, ugly and sorry for myself "

It's so hard after you've had a baby to love and accept your new changed figure. But I know you're beautiful, I am pretty sure it's all the hormones not helping you feel good too. If you need to inbox please feel free xxx

You made a human!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't think like that I bet you look beautiful your body tells a story and if he didn't like that story then find someone who will like it

Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not all guys cum every time. They're the same as us ladies for that. Would have been nice if he'd been honest with you though.

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

Maybe if he had said it was too hot or something I could have understood it. We've known each other long enough that I thought he would trust me to say that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the good things about this website is that you can share these types of feelings fairly anonymously and get some feedback from liked minded people.

Be pleased with yourself for reaching out and not let things eat away inside.

All the best

From a caring stranger

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Maybe if he had said it was too hot or something I could have understood it. We've known each other long enough that I thought he would trust me to say that "

He probably felt embarrassed, didn't want to upset you, hoped you wouldn't notice. You say he's got health issues maybe he just needs you to accept him as he is.

Your hormones will be all over the place cut yourself some slack

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

There's many potential reasons why he didn't cum.

Personally, I really struggle to cum with my partners and often times they feel as if they've done something wrong or that I'm not attracted to them. This is not true, I wouldn't be fucking them if I didn't want too.

He was probably tired and not in the mood, and was probably much more concerned about not cumming than you were.

One thing to be wary of when discussing this is to not make this all about you. If he's struggling to cum then it's possible that thinking it's making you sad will exacerbate the problem for him. It needs to be a light-hearted discussion.

I've no doubt he still thinks you're attractive and I've no doubt that if you keep at it and don't make a big deal about he'll get to the big O again.

These are just my thoughts on it. I don't know either of you or what your lives are like. I'm just a random voice online. I hope it all goes well for you. Best of luck

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden

He may also be concerned that everything was good for you. You said it's the first time since the birth of your child. Did you have any stitches? If you did, he could have been worried that everything had healed correctly and not wanting to cause you discomfort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So today was the first time I've had sex since I gave birth a month ago. The sex was good, it always is, but he didn't cum even though he said he did. You can always tell. I know he was probably too hot in my sauna of a room or the fact that he's struggling with his health at the moment but I can't help but feel it was because of me and because my body has changed. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a super model, nowhere near but my body definitely took a beating from my pregnancy. We've been shagging for 2.5 years, we'd not had sex in 10 weeks and I just really needed it and now I don't feel my usual post coitus happy self. In fact I'm crying because I feel hideous and its not his fault its mine.

No real point to this, just feeling fat, ugly and sorry for myself "

You’re only a month after having a baby and your body is still recovering and hormones are still all over the place…there could be lots of reasons why it wasn’t the experience you hoped it would be and I suggest you do talk to him about it.

After I had my two kids with my ex, I felt very differently about my body, and hated how I looked. My confidence was already poor because of emotional control and manipulation from my ex which didn’t help, I suppose.

But be kind to yourself, and kind to him and hopefully you can work things out. You are not fat and ugly - you are beautiful and have just brought a new life into the world

F (Mrs)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So today was the first time I've had sex since I gave birth a month ago. The sex was good, it always is, but he didn't cum even though he said he did. You can always tell. I know he was probably too hot in my sauna of a room or the fact that he's struggling with his health at the moment but I can't help but feel it was because of me and because my body has changed. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a super model, nowhere near but my body definitely took a beating from my pregnancy. We've been shagging for 2.5 years, we'd not had sex in 10 weeks and I just really needed it and now I don't feel my usual post coitus happy self. In fact I'm crying because I feel hideous and its not his fault its mine.

No real point to this, just feeling fat, ugly and sorry for myself "

The body is changed so much by pregnancy, hormones kick in, your maternal side can be present with one ear open for baby, but also this can apply to him. If he's been present at the birth he may well be scared of hurting you, he may even need to adjust to your body too as he may well have viewed it differently after seeing what it's gone through and the beautiful baby that has come from it and even be in awe of it, just not in a sexual way. He will also be adjusting to life as a dad, and seeing how much time your baby takes up from you and may even feel he has less of your attention even for a perfectly good reason. He may have simply been surprised by the fact you wanted sex and not expected it and may have caught him off guard do to speak.

Take your time to rediscover each other.

T

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough


"So today was the first time I've had sex since I gave birth a month ago. The sex was good, it always is, but he didn't cum even though he said he did. You can always tell. I know he was probably too hot in my sauna of a room or the fact that he's struggling with his health at the moment but I can't help but feel it was because of me and because my body has changed. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a super model, nowhere near but my body definitely took a beating from my pregnancy. We've been shagging for 2.5 years, we'd not had sex in 10 weeks and I just really needed it and now I don't feel my usual post coitus happy self. In fact I'm crying because I feel hideous and its not his fault its mine.

No real point to this, just feeling fat, ugly and sorry for myself

The body is changed so much by pregnancy, hormones kick in, your maternal side can be present with one ear open for baby, but also this can apply to him. If he's been present at the birth he may well be scared of hurting you, he may even need to adjust to your body too as he may well have viewed it differently after seeing what it's gone through and the beautiful baby that has come from it and even be in awe of it, just not in a sexual way. He will also be adjusting to life as a dad, and seeing how much time your baby takes up from you and may even feel he has less of your attention even for a perfectly good reason. He may have simply been surprised by the fact you wanted sex and not expected it and may have caught him off guard do to speak.

Take your time to rediscover each other.

T

"

I should have explained better, I'm a single mother (ivf using a sperm donor) he's my fwb of 2.5 years

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham


"So today was the first time I've had sex since I gave birth a month ago. The sex was good, it always is, but he didn't cum even though he said he did. You can always tell. I know he was probably too hot in my sauna of a room or the fact that he's struggling with his health at the moment but I can't help but feel it was because of me and because my body has changed. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a super model, nowhere near but my body definitely took a beating from my pregnancy. We've been shagging for 2.5 years, we'd not had sex in 10 weeks and I just really needed it and now I don't feel my usual post coitus happy self. In fact I'm crying because I feel hideous and its not his fault its mine.

No real point to this, just feeling fat, ugly and sorry for myself "

As many have said don't be too hard on yourself.

You have just had a baby but think yiu have created a beautiful human beingband you are beautiful yourself.

X

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Your body and emotions are recovering from pregnancy and birth, but if this is your partner and father of the child and you live together then could a factor be lack of sleep due to baby waking every couple hours?

When I was at this stage after having daughter I couldn’t even think about sex! I was so exhausted between recovering from section, feeding daughter and just operating on sod all sleep!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always think it's us when it comes to men but most of the time it isn't. They have insecurites, performance anxiety and issues with cumming. It doesn't mean they don't find you attractive.

Don't deflect your insecurities onto him as it isn't fair. Take some time to look after yourself and learn to love your body again. We all have days where we feel like shite but just remember there will only ever be one of you, take care of her

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...


"Maybe if he had said it was too hot or something I could have understood it. We've known each other long enough that I thought he would trust me to say that

He probably felt embarrassed, didn't want to upset you, hoped you wouldn't notice. You say he's got health issues maybe he just needs you to accept him as he is.

Your hormones will be all over the place cut yourself some slack "

Wise words. Especially about cutting yourself some slack.

Many of us are way too hard on ourselves. The consequences of beating yourself up, too hard, too often are hugely detrimental to our own mental health and well being.

Be gentle with yourself.

Winston

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights


"So today was the first time I've had sex since I gave birth a month ago. The sex was good, it always is, but he didn't cum even though he said he did. You can always tell. I know he was probably too hot in my sauna of a room or the fact that he's struggling with his health at the moment but I can't help but feel it was because of me and because my body has changed. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a super model, nowhere near but my body definitely took a beating from my pregnancy. We've been shagging for 2.5 years, we'd not had sex in 10 weeks and I just really needed it and now I don't feel my usual post coitus happy self. In fact I'm crying because I feel hideous and its not his fault its mine.

No real point to this, just feeling fat, ugly and sorry for myself

The body is changed so much by pregnancy, hormones kick in, your maternal side can be present with one ear open for baby, but also this can apply to him. If he's been present at the birth he may well be scared of hurting you, he may even need to adjust to your body too as he may well have viewed it differently after seeing what it's gone through and the beautiful baby that has come from it and even be in awe of it, just not in a sexual way. He will also be adjusting to life as a dad, and seeing how much time your baby takes up from you and may even feel he has less of your attention even for a perfectly good reason. He may have simply been surprised by the fact you wanted sex and not expected it and may have caught him off guard do to speak.

Take your time to rediscover each other.

T

I should have explained better, I'm a single mother (ivf using a sperm donor) he's my fwb of 2.5 years"

It's your hormones, they will fade over time, talk to him he's your friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just like some women don't always orgasm, some men don't always either, it doesn't mean they aren't into it.

Maybe he said he did because he felt a bit pressured? Not because he doesn't fancy you anymore.

You guys need to talk.

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

So many issues and problems in a relationship would be solved if partners would just sit down and talk to eachother. Honesty and communication are the 2 biggest factors...having those difficult conversations is part of a long lasting relationship.

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

Don't forget, he's getting used to a new person in the mix as well. He may feel that as it's only a month ago that he'll hurt you in some way. Many blokes have a sense of rejection after the birth of a baby, it passes with time.

Blokes don't generally cope with these sorts of issues very well, because we don't understand all of the bodily workings.

A mixture of hormones, tiredness, wanting to do the best for each other and worry about how it is for each other would be my guess.

Talk to him.....he'll feel bad about it as well I sure.

Take care x

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

If I decide to talk to my friend about it, does anyone have any suggestions on how I go about it without making him feel bad?

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By *heDesiCandiTV/TS
over a year ago

Pinner

Just remember that you are beautiful. people share their vulnerability when they are most at ease with one another - something that is to be loved and cherished

i always say an encounter isn’t just about ejaculation.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire


"If I decide to talk to my friend about it, does anyone have any suggestions on how I go about it without making him feel bad?"

You said the sex was good...maybe if you focus on that aspect, there's really no need to tell him you feel ugly because he didn't cum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If I decide to talk to my friend about it, does anyone have any suggestions on how I go about it without making him feel bad?"

How close are you? Can you usually discuss feelings/ sex/ etc?

If he's a close friend just discuss how you feel. Maybe you can just snuggle and not fuck. Bit of naked hugging and see what happens. If nothing happens don't feel bad. Just get used to being naked with him again.

Your hormones will be messed up for maybe months. You did and amazing thing. It gets better.

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...


"If I decide to talk to my friend about it, does anyone have any suggestions on how I go about it without making him feel bad?"

Write a letter, from your heart.

Write all your anxieties, exactly how you feel, all of your fears.

Don't send it.

When you're alone, at rest, connected..... read it to him.

Be kind to yourself.

Winston

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Probably just your hormones. Try not to overthink it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If I decide to talk to my friend about it, does anyone have any suggestions on how I go about it without making him feel bad?"

You could just open up to him to say pretty much what you said in your original post - that you basically don’t feel good about yourself since having the baby, and that you’re worried he isn’t that into you any more? You could ask him if there’s anything bothering him he’d like to talk about? Cuddle up together and reconnect with the intimacy while you’re talking, too

F (Mrs)

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