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"Menopause does seem to affect women in different ways. For some it's a liberation sexually and socially, while for others it's a source of real misery. That misery is of course shared by their partner. In my case to seperation, much against my will. Hence my now being on here as a solo guy!" Ditto  | |||
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"My ex wife went full MLC. New boobs, plastic surgery, new car, new fella, sold the house etc. As a man, we'll never truly understand. I've forgiven her, but she can't talk about it, and forgets lots of things about that seven year period. She also experienced wild fluctuations in sexual needs, varying from every few hours to weeks. I hope you're OK though "I know the menopause is euphemistically called the change but your ex took it as an instruction! I hope that she found her new self. You say that 'she can't talk about it' and that you have forgiven her but have you talked about your experience? Was there anyone to hear you? I can imagine feeling rejection when your partner chooses someone else. | |||
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"Menopause does seem to affect women in different ways. For some it's a liberation sexually and socially, while for others it's a source of real misery. That misery is of course shared by their partner. In my case to seperation, much against my will. Hence my now being on here as a solo guy!" Was there anyone you could talk to about your misery? Was separation a joint decision? Of course, share only what is safe and comfortable to share. Thanks for posting at all. | |||
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"My ex wife went full MLC. New boobs, plastic surgery, new car, new fella, sold the house etc. As a man, we'll never truly understand. I've forgiven her, but she can't talk about it, and forgets lots of things about that seven year period. She also experienced wild fluctuations in sexual needs, varying from every few hours to weeks. I hope you're OK though
I know the menopause is euphemistically called the change but your ex took it as an instruction! I hope that she found her new self.
You say that 'she can't talk about it' and that you have forgiven her but have you talked about your experience? Was there anyone to hear you? I can imagine feeling rejection when your partner chooses someone else.
"I had good friends. Her family just looked away. She doesn't want to know what it felt like for me. A mixture of embarrassment and regret, I presume. She shuts down all conversation about it. Also, the projection of everything she did was made to be my fault, was a bit daunting. I'm not afraid to admit, I seeked counselling. | |||
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"My ex wife went full MLC. New boobs, plastic surgery, new car, new fella, sold the house etc. As a man, we'll never truly understand. I've forgiven her, but she can't talk about it, and forgets lots of things about that seven year period. She also experienced wild fluctuations in sexual needs, varying from every few hours to weeks. I hope you're OK though
I know the menopause is euphemistically called the change but your ex took it as an instruction! I hope that she found her new self.
You say that 'she can't talk about it' and that you have forgiven her but have you talked about your experience? Was there anyone to hear you? I can imagine feeling rejection when your partner chooses someone else.
I had good friends. Her family just looked away. She doesn't want to know what it felt like for me. A mixture of embarrassment and regret, I presume. She shuts down all conversation about it.
Also, the projection of everything she did was made to be my fault, was a bit daunting. I'm not afraid to admit, I seeked counselling.
"Never be afraid to admit seeking help. I hope counselling helped. I wonder how many go into couples counselling because of the menopause? | |||
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" I'm interested in tips for retaining a juicy vulva. " Moisturise thoroughly at least daily with an appropriate product. | |||
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"My ex wife went full MLC. New boobs, plastic surgery, new car, new fella, sold the house etc. As a man, we'll never truly understand. I've forgiven her, but she can't talk about it, and forgets lots of things about that seven year period. She also experienced wild fluctuations in sexual needs, varying from every few hours to weeks. I hope you're OK though
I know the menopause is euphemistically called the change but your ex took it as an instruction! I hope that she found her new self.
You say that 'she can't talk about it' and that you have forgiven her but have you talked about your experience? Was there anyone to hear you? I can imagine feeling rejection when your partner chooses someone else.
I had good friends. Her family just looked away. She doesn't want to know what it felt like for me. A mixture of embarrassment and regret, I presume. She shuts down all conversation about it.
Also, the projection of everything she did was made to be my fault, was a bit daunting. I'm not afraid to admit, I seeked counselling.
Never be afraid to admit seeking help. I hope counselling helped.
I wonder how many go into couples counselling because of the menopause?
"We tried that, but as she didn't/couldn't understand what was driving her to be so destructive, that failed. Trying to hold three kids together, a job and deal with all the whacky stuff going on was a challenge. A simple thing, like .e reading g a book to my son, would throw her into a rage. It was a horrible time. Time is, however, a great healer | |||
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" I'm interested in tips for retaining a juicy vulva. Moisturise thoroughly at least daily with an appropriate product. "I heard a doctor explaining how easy it is to have a vulval tear 
I moisturise everywhere daily. I could do with a handsy applicator, on occasion. | |||
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" I'm interested in tips for retaining a juicy vulva. Moisturise thoroughly at least daily with an appropriate product.
I heard a doctor explaining how easy it is to have a vulval tear
I moisturise everywhere daily. I could do with a handsy applicator, on occasion."Yep, especially post menopause. I'm sure you'll have many offers of a handsy applicator after this  | |||
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" I'm interested in tips for retaining a juicy vulva. Moisturise thoroughly at least daily with an appropriate product.
I heard a doctor explaining how easy it is to have a vulval tear
I moisturise everywhere daily. I could do with a handsy applicator, on occasion."You're gorgeous and good fun. I'm sure a local applicant will be scripting his CV as I type | |||
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"I have been thinking about sex the female menopause a lot recently. There has been a lot more discussion and celebrities leading the way on talking about how the menopause has affected them but I haven't seen the stories about how their partners and family have been affected. I am sure those tales will come, in due course. My perimenopause started in my mid/late 30s and I had an immediate menopause almost 15 years ago. The effects of that lasted about 7 years. My libido was not affected and I haven't experience vulva dryness or itchiness until this year. I haven't had a partner going through the experience with me. Over the years, I have observed that quite a lot of the male mid-life crisis sex and affairs is linked to their partner's menopause. Feeling rejected, frustrated at a loss of sexual intimacy and affection, and not having the tools to navigate this. Joining Fab, I unexpectedly found more older (assumed menopausal) women seeking sex (and affection?) away from their partners. And, older couples where the drive is pleasure for the woman. I'm interested in learning how men navigate their partner's menopause. I'm interested in learning about women's sex drive and emotional response to their menopause. I'm interested in tips for retaining a juicy vulva. " | |||
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"It was an interesting time, big learning curve for myself as the bloke and whilst it certainly wasn't without times of worry it was something we sort of got on with.. Perhaps we were fortunate.. " Or, you managed to do the work in a way that helped you retain your connection. Whatever it was, congratulations. Thanks for sharing. Again, an outsider obvious that love alone isn't enough. I'm interested in working out what are the other factors. An old friend said that she and her husband are 'comfortable' now. When they were younger I remember the pain of their affairs and none of us would have thought they'd make it to 35 years together. They seem happy with their 'comfortable'. | |||
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"My ex wife went full MLC. New boobs, plastic surgery, new car, new fella, sold the house etc. As a man, we'll never truly understand. I've forgiven her, but she can't talk about it, and forgets lots of things about that seven year period. She also experienced wild fluctuations in sexual needs, varying from every few hours to weeks. I hope you're OK though
I know the menopause is euphemistically called the change but your ex took it as an instruction! I hope that she found her new self.
You say that 'she can't talk about it' and that you have forgiven her but have you talked about your experience? Was there anyone to hear you? I can imagine feeling rejection when your partner chooses someone else.
I had good friends. Her family just looked away. She doesn't want to know what it felt like for me. A mixture of embarrassment and regret, I presume. She shuts down all conversation about it.
Also, the projection of everything she did was made to be my fault, was a bit daunting. I'm not afraid to admit, I seeked counselling.
Never be afraid to admit seeking help. I hope counselling helped.
I wonder how many go into couples counselling because of the menopause?
We tried that, but as she didn't/couldn't understand what was driving her to be so destructive, that failed.
Trying to hold three kids together, a job and deal with all the whacky stuff going on was a challenge.
A simple thing, like .e reading g a book to my son, would throw her into a rage. It was a horrible time. Time is, however, a great healer "Thank you for the point on why couples counselling failed. It's very insightful. | |||
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" Again, an outsider obvious that love alone isn't enough. I'm interested in working out what are the other factors. " Compromise and a change in expectations, I'd imagine | |||
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"Perhaps a conflict of interest of sorts but I work within women’s health. Local estrogen (in the media this is what’s now being reported as the HRT sold over the counter) helps with dryness. The brand Yes (Superdrug or online purchase) sells a vaginal moisturiser that can help with day to day dryness. Cotton underwear helps as it allows the area to breathe as such. Personally, having covid and long covid thrust me in to an early menopause so I’ve had to quite literally listen to and take my own medicine. " That's not a conflict of interest, it's offering us your expertise. I'm sorry that Covid has thrust you into an early menopause. I hope it is a short one and you come out the other side a healthy, happy, sexually confident woman. | |||
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" Again, an outsider obvious that love alone isn't enough. I'm interested in working out what are the other factors. Compromise and a change in expectations, I'd imagine " Definitely, but humans can find compromise difficult when they are hurting. | |||
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"It was an interesting time, big learning curve for myself as the bloke and whilst it certainly wasn't without times of worry it was something we sort of got on with.. Perhaps we were fortunate.. Or, you managed to do the work in a way that helped you retain your connection. Whatever it was, congratulations. Thanks for sharing. Again, an outsider obvious that love alone isn't enough. I'm interested in working out what are the other factors. An old friend said that she and her husband are 'comfortable' now. When they were younger I remember the pain of their affairs and none of us would have thought they'd make it to 35 years together. They seem happy with their 'comfortable'." Thank you, it was an eye opener for myself as the male yes as I was largely ignorant of the process even though my mum and aunties went through it.. It's good that there seems to be less stigma maybe about such things as having the conversation collectively can only help.. Comfortable is an interesting description, content and fulfilled too might be part despite the troughs and peaks of it after nigh on 39 yrs .. | |||
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"It was an interesting time, big learning curve for myself as the bloke and whilst it certainly wasn't without times of worry it was something we sort of got on with.. Perhaps we were fortunate.. Or, you managed to do the work in a way that helped you retain your connection. Whatever it was, congratulations. Thanks for sharing. Again, an outsider obvious that love alone isn't enough. I'm interested in working out what are the other factors. An old friend said that she and her husband are 'comfortable' now. When they were younger I remember the pain of their affairs and none of us would have thought they'd make it to 35 years together. They seem happy with their 'comfortable'. Thank you, it was an eye opener for myself as the male yes as I was largely ignorant of the process even though my mum and aunties went through it.. It's good that there seems to be less stigma maybe about such things as having the conversation collectively can only help.. Comfortable is an interesting description, content and fulfilled too might be part despite the troughs and peaks of it after nigh on 39 yrs .." Content and fulfilled sounds as near to perfect as any of us could hope for. | |||
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"I think Davina should consider a C4 documentary about how it affects relationships/marriages/men and how to cope through it, the signs and perhaps counselling. Whilst it’s a tremendous bug bear for most women there is nothing out there educational in menopause and men! " That's a great idea. To be honest, my ex w was well off the richter scale when we split, sadly  | |||
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"I think Davina should consider a C4 documentary about how it affects relationships/marriages/men and how to cope through it, the signs and perhaps counselling. Whilst it’s a tremendous bug bear for most women there is nothing out there educational in menopause and men! " Perhaps that's because the resources are scarce so more targeted at women. The information is available to all to access | |||
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"I think Davina should consider a C4 documentary about how it affects relationships/marriages/men and how to cope through it, the signs and perhaps counselling. Whilst it’s a tremendous bug bear for most women there is nothing out there educational in menopause and men! " It's part of the reason I decided to start the thread. I suspect there will be another documentary which looks at relationships. | |||
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"I think Davina should consider a C4 documentary about how it affects relationships/marriages/men and how to cope through it, the signs and perhaps counselling. Whilst it’s a tremendous bug bear for most women there is nothing out there educational in menopause and men! Perhaps that's because the resources are scarce so more targeted at women. The information is available to all to access " Men are notoriously bad at accessing health information for themselves, even worse around mental and emotional help. | |||
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"I think Davina should consider a C4 documentary about how it affects relationships/marriages/men and how to cope through it, the signs and perhaps counselling. Whilst it’s a tremendous bug bear for most women there is nothing out there educational in menopause and men! Perhaps that's because the resources are scarce so more targeted at women. The information is available to all to access Men are notoriously bad at accessing health information for themselves, even worse around mental and emotional help. " I found a website which was mainly fir trying to save your marriage, but did have sections about MLC and menopause. It's American based, but helped me find a locally based friend going through the same thing. | |||
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"I think Davina should consider a C4 documentary about how it affects relationships/marriages/men and how to cope through it, the signs and perhaps counselling. Whilst it’s a tremendous bug bear for most women there is nothing out there educational in menopause and men! Perhaps that's because the resources are scarce so more targeted at women. The information is available to all to access Men are notoriously bad at accessing health information for themselves, even worse around mental and emotional help. " Was going to say that and agree totally, on the whole we are terrible often to our own detriment.. Only time I've ever read a medicines leaflet was when the vet prescribed eye drops for one of the dogs.. Perhaps given the effects of the menopause do affect albeit to a much lesser degree then there might be some benefit in targeted information for blokes.. | |||
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"Just following as interested as I must be about approaching these years and been following it alot on socials. " Your best indication is knowing when your mother and maternal aunts went through their menopause. It helps to know. India Rakusen's 28 ish Days Later on BBC Sounds is worth a listen. It covers the menstrual cycle and the phases from menarche to menopause. I didn't know the fallopian tubes aren't attached to the ovaries. No one covered that when I was learning about female biology decades ago. | |||
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"I tried getting her those herbal remedies, as she wouldn't go to the doctors. Well, that ended badly with violence towards me (we never raised our voices, so this came as a surprise). As she never accepted there was any problem, I never thought of going to my doctor. I did counselling, but I was a hot mess of emotions. I lost four stone and went grey virtually overnight "Not all herbal remedies are equal, and there can be adverse reactions if mixed with other medications. I'm sorry you experienced violence and such an extreme weight loss. | |||
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"There still are NOT ENOUGH menopause ambassadors in the work place either! I’ve been bleating about it on our monthly team meeting " Keep at it. That campaign has only been going for 2 or 3 years. It will take time. | |||
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"I tried getting her those herbal remedies, as she wouldn't go to the doctors. Well, that ended badly with violence towards me (we never raised our voices, so this came as a surprise). As she never accepted there was any problem, I never thought of going to my doctor. I did counselling, but I was a hot mess of emotions. I lost four stone and went grey virtually overnight
Not all herbal remedies are equal, and there can be adverse reactions if mixed with other medications.
I'm sorry you experienced violence and such an extreme weight loss."The only thing that returned | |||
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"For us, Milf going through the menopause was extremely difficult and for her totally unexpected for medical reasons. At times I thought that I was living with a Tasmanian she devil crossed with a fire breathing dragon (that was on a good day) and at times she'd just tell me that she "couldn't be arsed" (her words) with our relationship or with me. Other times was totally different, crying, emotional, needing hugs and reassurance etc. I found the emotional detachment that she could express a new experience and very difficult to understand. It drove me batty trying to work out how someone could be holding me like she didn't want to ever let go one minute but could change like a switch had clicked and look at me like I was something that she'd stepped in. It was an extremely trying time in our lives. Sex stopped for nearly 2 years. She had no interest in sex at all, to the point where she threw all of her vibrators and sex toys into the bin. We still shared the same bed and she always wanted a cuddle before we went to sleep. She repeatedly told me that she loved me and we'd get through it and I knew that the menopause causes major issues for a female so I just did what I could do to support and help her. She's my wife (that one small word contains so many feelings and emotions that it's not really sufficient to use to describe one person but its who she is) So I did what I could, never strayed, never had a single guys profile, she was more important than a quick fuck elsewhere. I kept as much stress from her as I could manage and just made sure that she always knew that at the end of it, she had a husband who wanted her if she still wanted him We're still together "This I like to hear | |||
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"For us, Milf going through the menopause was extremely difficult and for her totally unexpected for medical reasons. At times I thought that I was living with a Tasmanian she devil crossed with a fire breathing dragon (that was on a good day) and at times she'd just tell me that she "couldn't be arsed" (her words) with our relationship or with me. Other times was totally different, crying, emotional, needing hugs and reassurance etc. I found the emotional detachment that she could express a new experience and very difficult to understand. It drove me batty trying to work out how someone could be holding me like she didn't want to ever let go one minute but could change like a switch had clicked and look at me like I was something that she'd stepped in. It was an extremely trying time in our lives. Sex stopped for nearly 2 years. She had no interest in sex at all, to the point where she threw all of her vibrators and sex toys into the bin. We still shared the same bed and she always wanted a cuddle before we went to sleep. She repeatedly told me that she loved me and we'd get through it and I knew that the menopause causes major issues for a female so I just did what I could do to support and help her. She's my wife (that one small word contains so many feelings and emotions that it's not really sufficient to use to describe one person but its who she is) So I did what I could, never strayed, never had a single guys profile, she was more important than a quick fuck elsewhere. I kept as much stress from her as I could manage and just made sure that she always knew that at the end of it, she had a husband who wanted her if she still wanted him We're still together "Thanks for sharing. Congratulations for making it through. You didn't write it, but I read that she still wants the husband who wanted her. | |||
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"For us, Milf going through the menopause was extremely difficult and for her totally unexpected for medical reasons. At times I thought that I was living with a Tasmanian she devil crossed with a fire breathing dragon (that was on a good day) and at times she'd just tell me that she "couldn't be arsed" (her words) with our relationship or with me. Other times was totally different, crying, emotional, needing hugs and reassurance etc. I found the emotional detachment that she could express a new experience and very difficult to understand. It drove me batty trying to work out how someone could be holding me like she didn't want to ever let go one minute but could change like a switch had clicked and look at me like I was something that she'd stepped in. It was an extremely trying time in our lives. Sex stopped for nearly 2 years. She had no interest in sex at all, to the point where she threw all of her vibrators and sex toys into the bin. We still shared the same bed and she always wanted a cuddle before we went to sleep. She repeatedly told me that she loved me and we'd get through it and I knew that the menopause causes major issues for a female so I just did what I could do to support and help her. She's my wife (that one small word contains so many feelings and emotions that it's not really sufficient to use to describe one person but its who she is) So I did what I could, never strayed, never had a single guys profile, she was more important than a quick fuck elsewhere. I kept as much stress from her as I could manage and just made sure that she always knew that at the end of it, she had a husband who wanted her if she still wanted him We're still together "That’s so lovely | |||
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"I’m perimenopausal and have been for the past 2-3years! I need hrt but trying to access that to help balance my moods has been challenging to say the least. I go through phases of feeling super sexual and empowered to feelings of being worthless and past my best and nobody would want the messed up confused me. Womens health unfortunately is not a priority in the NHS…. " Change your GP! | |||
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"For us, Milf going through the menopause was extremely difficult and for her totally unexpected for medical reasons. At times I thought that I was living with a Tasmanian she devil crossed with a fire breathing dragon (that was on a good day) and at times she'd just tell me that she "couldn't be arsed" (her words) with our relationship or with me. Other times was totally different, crying, emotional, needing hugs and reassurance etc. I found the emotional detachment that she could express a new experience and very difficult to understand. It drove me batty trying to work out how someone could be holding me like she didn't want to ever let go one minute but could change like a switch had clicked and look at me like I was something that she'd stepped in. It was an extremely trying time in our lives. Sex stopped for nearly 2 years. She had no interest in sex at all, to the point where she threw all of her vibrators and sex toys into the bin. We still shared the same bed and she always wanted a cuddle before we went to sleep. She repeatedly told me that she loved me and we'd get through it and I knew that the menopause causes major issues for a female so I just did what I could do to support and help her. She's my wife (that one small word contains so many feelings and emotions that it's not really sufficient to use to describe one person but its who she is) So I did what I could, never strayed, never had a single guys profile, she was more important than a quick fuck elsewhere. I kept as much stress from her as I could manage and just made sure that she always knew that at the end of it, she had a husband who wanted her if she still wanted him We're still together "Great to hear .. | |||
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"For us, Milf going through the menopause was extremely difficult and for her totally unexpected for medical reasons. At times I thought that I was living with a Tasmanian she devil crossed with a fire breathing dragon (that was on a good day) and at times she'd just tell me that she "couldn't be arsed" (her words) with our relationship or with me. Other times was totally different, crying, emotional, needing hugs and reassurance etc. I found the emotional detachment that she could express a new experience and very difficult to understand. It drove me batty trying to work out how someone could be holding me like she didn't want to ever let go one minute but could change like a switch had clicked and look at me like I was something that she'd stepped in. It was an extremely trying time in our lives. Sex stopped for nearly 2 years. She had no interest in sex at all, to the point where she threw all of her vibrators and sex toys into the bin. We still shared the same bed and she always wanted a cuddle before we went to sleep. She repeatedly told me that she loved me and we'd get through it and I knew that the menopause causes major issues for a female so I just did what I could do to support and help her. She's my wife (that one small word contains so many feelings and emotions that it's not really sufficient to use to describe one person but its who she is) So I did what I could, never strayed, never had a single guys profile, she was more important than a quick fuck elsewhere. I kept as much stress from her as I could manage and just made sure that she always knew that at the end of it, she had a husband who wanted her if she still wanted him We're still together "So lovely to hear this.. | |||
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"I’m perimenopausal and have been for the past 2-3years! I need hrt but trying to access that to help balance my moods has been challenging to say the least. I go through phases of feeling super sexual and empowered to feelings of being worthless and past my best and nobody would want the messed up confused me. Womens health unfortunately is not a priority in the NHS…. Easier said than done unfortunately.., friends in the same city but different gp’s are experiencing the same! Change your GP!" | |||
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"I’m perimenopausal and have been for the past 2-3years! I need hrt but trying to access that to help balance my moods has been challenging to say the least. I go through phases of feeling super sexual and empowered to feelings of being worthless and past my best and nobody would want the messed up confused me. Womens health unfortunately is not a priority in the NHS…. Easier said than done unfortunately.., friends in the same city but different gp’s are experiencing the same! Change your GP!" My ex w's mood went from loving me to hating me, and everything we'd done, in a blink of an eye. Truly frightening | |||
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"Thank you to all who have posted on this thread. I am at the age where i know this is an inevitability, and possibly sooner rather than later. My Mum told me that hers wasnt too bad, so hoping mine will be too. I have mental health issues already so am really worried that they will be exacerbated. Thank you for sharing your experiences, it needs to be ralked about more x "Experience shared makes it easier to reach out. Always available to be messaged | |||
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"This is a really great post for sharing how the menopause can be a life changing experience for all. I hope the awareness & support for both women & their partners/families keeps growing. " Wonder if it could be made a resource? | |||
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"This is a really great post for sharing how the menopause can be a life changing experience for all. I hope the awareness & support for both women & their partners/families keeps growing. Wonder if it could be made a resource?" Do you mean here or something more widely accessible? I might send a message to Woman's Hour to do this, and even better if the changes to WH hasn't axed the occasional Man's Hour joint show. | |||
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"This is a really great post for sharing how the menopause can be a life changing experience for all. I hope the awareness & support for both women & their partners/families keeps growing. Wonder if it could be made a resource? Do you mean here or something more widely accessible? I might send a message to Woman's Hour to do this, and even better if the changes to WH hasn't axed the occasional Man's Hour joint show." Either. I think it's hidden from most people. Thanks for bringing the subject forward | |||
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