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There is a spider on my ceiling

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

It caused me to casually wonder what other animal I'd have to try and lob at the celiing in order to shift the shifty shit at least out of my eyeline, while maintaining the natural order of things.

So, I searched for spider predators, and this is the list I got.

Lizards I don't have any lying around, oddly enough. I guess they'd have a fair chance of gripping on to the celiing though.

Birds It always freaks me out when there's a wild bird in a confined space (oo er Missus), so that's a non-starter.

Tarantula Hawks Well, that's a no based on the name...plus it turns out to be a wasp that would reject my spider on the basis of no being tarantula-y enough

Spider Wasps Unsurprisingly related to the above, just less fussy about their arachnid diet.

Monkeys Something of a sledgehammer / nut solution, insamuch as there may be other issues.

Scorpions FFS, that's a great help. Solve the problem of scary insects with...a scary insect!

Centipedes Finally some sense. I'm off to the pet shop for a centipede. Hopefully they're easily trained.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Although Scorpions aren't insects I admire your plan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All you need is a cat.

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

A spider in the house ...if i didnt have the wife about to deal with it ...im packing my bags moving out and putting the damn place up for sale

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Don’t rely on any dogs to kill them, they either inhale them up their snout or they toy with them, getting the spider really annoyed.

Good luck

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Cats eat spiders

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

If you kill it and eat it, technically, it's part of the natural food chain.

Plenty of ketchup should help it go down nicely.

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"All you need is a cat"

....


"Cats eat spiders"

First, I didn't say I was desperate.

Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just throw your spunk in the air like spiderman.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I had a pact with my ex.

He deals with spiders, I deal with bees and wasps.

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Although Scorpions aren't insects I admire your plan "

Neither are spiders, it's still a like for like issue.

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Just throw your spunk in the air like spiderman."

I thought the camera was off

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog..."

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"If you kill it and eat it, technically, it's part of the natural food chain.

Plenty of ketchup should help it go down nicely. "

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Ketchup??? Not while I have my strength.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS.... "

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All you need is a cat

....

Cats eat spiders

First, I didn't say I was desperate.

Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many.... "

Specially trained ninja kitten.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate "

You know you talked about an existential crisis yesterday - this is what you meant, isn't it?

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Specially trained ninja kitten."

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All you need is a cat. "

We have a cat however she just looks at the spiders and expects us to deal with them!

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

But then who's going to kill the flies since you have some kind of Darwin's survival of the fittest going on in your living room?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate

You know you talked about an existential crisis yesterday - this is what you meant, isn't it? "

What existential crisis?

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Where did all these sodding flies come from?

I was casually wondering how to incentivise a spider to sod off, suddenly I have a fly infestation.

It's all that raw meat dog poo, isn't it...

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden


"Specially trained ninja kitten.

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?"

Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Cats eat spiders"

Mine don't... they just follow the spiders around the house supervising the eight legged antics.

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By *awpleasureMan
over a year ago

Sutton Coldfield

I would never kill a spider and always try and save one if my cat is after one. Spiders are amazing creatures with the added bonus that they eat flies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate

You know you talked about an existential crisis yesterday - this is what you meant, isn't it?

What existential crisis? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Specially trained ninja kitten.

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?

Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?"

Well obviously not because they don't have opposable thumbs so how would they put them on and take them off! You didn't think this through did you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Cats eat spiders

Mine don't... they just follow the spiders around the house supervising the eight legged antics."

Exactly the same as ours.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

[Removed by poster at 22/07/22 16:19:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate

I was thinking that you'd need a bird (I know, how absurd) to eat the spider, buthen you'd need a cat (yes, fancy that) to catch the bird, and now you get the dog, to catch the cat...."

You also need a old lady.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Specially trained ninja kitten.

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?"

I have a 15 week old Burmese kitten. They come fully trained in the arts of subterfuge, sabotage and cuteness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate

I was thinking that you'd need a bird (I know, how absurd) to eat the spider, buthen you'd need a cat (yes, fancy that) to catch the bird, and now you get the dog, to catch the cat....

You also need a old lady. "

Oh, god.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights


"All you need is a cat

....

Cats eat spiders

First, I didn't say I was desperate.

Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many.... "

YouTube has loads...

Including lots of people who attach cat rope apparatus to their ceilngs and walls for fun... Most predominantly was however people who had to cut holes in ceilings to rescue said stuck cats...I'm not sure they were having the same level of fun. The people I mean not the cats.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All you need is a cat

....

Cats eat spiders

First, I didn't say I was desperate.

Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many....

YouTube has loads...

Including lots of people who attach cat rope apparatus to their ceilngs and walls for fun... Most predominantly was however people who had to cut holes in ceilings to rescue said stuck cats...I'm not sure they were having the same level of fun. The people I mean not the cats."

I have a particular penchant for vids of cats and cucumbers.

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"You also need a old lady. "

Can I have a (relatively) young one if I promise to train her up in animal husbandry?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You also need a old lady.

Can I have a (relatively) young one if I promise to train her up in animal husbandry?"

Define relatively young?

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester

I’ll send my cat round!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All you need is a cat. "

My cat would catch them and leave them on my pillow as a tribute

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ll send my cat round!! "

Could you then send it round here please to train ours because she just looks at them.

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester


"I’ll send my cat round!!

Could you then send it round here please to train ours because she just looks at them. "

Haha mine is a highly skilled assassin! I’ll pack his little suitcase

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ll send my cat round!!

Could you then send it round here please to train ours because she just looks at them.

Haha mine is a highly skilled assassin! I’ll pack his little suitcase"

Well ours used to be but now she really couldn't care less.

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By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden


"Specially trained ninja kitten.

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?

Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?

Well obviously not because they don't have opposable thumbs so how would they put them on and take them off! You didn't think this through did you? "

They could be slip on. You don't need opposable thumbs to get flip flops on to your feet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Specially trained ninja kitten.

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?

Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?

Well obviously not because they don't have opposable thumbs so how would they put them on and take them off! You didn't think this through did you?

They could be slip on. You don't need opposable thumbs to get flip flops on to your feet."

I take it back, I think you have thought this through a little too much!

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol


"All you need is a cat. "

All you need is Love

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"You also need a old lady.

Can I have a (relatively) young one if I promise to train her up in animal husbandry?

Define relatively young? "

Between 25 and 35 would be ideal, with a bit of wiggle room...

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Get some pholcids, they’ll eat spiders.

Have some of mine, they’re regular in my house and my garage is full of them.

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By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Get some pholcids, they’ll eat spiders."

They ARE spiders!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think Noahs are would be spider free with that list, would he have a private room for the spiders I wonder

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

Natural spider predator in my house is called Henry - he's a great sucker for all sorts

Mrs

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