FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

There is a spider on my ceiling

Jump to newest
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

It caused me to casually wonder what other animal I'd have to try and lob at the celiing in order to shift the shifty shit at least out of my eyeline, while maintaining the natural order of things.

So, I searched for spider predators, and this is the list I got.

Lizards I don't have any lying around, oddly enough. I guess they'd have a fair chance of gripping on to the celiing though.

Birds It always freaks me out when there's a wild bird in a confined space (oo er Missus), so that's a non-starter.

Tarantula Hawks Well, that's a no based on the name...plus it turns out to be a wasp that would reject my spider on the basis of no being tarantula-y enough

Spider Wasps Unsurprisingly related to the above, just less fussy about their arachnid diet.

Monkeys Something of a sledgehammer / nut solution, insamuch as there may be other issues.

Scorpions FFS, that's a great help. Solve the problem of scary insects with...a scary insect!

Centipedes Finally some sense. I'm off to the pet shop for a centipede. Hopefully they're easily trained.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Although Scorpions aren't insects I admire your plan

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All you need is a cat.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

A spider in the house ...if i didnt have the wife about to deal with it ...im packing my bags moving out and putting the damn place up for sale

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Don’t rely on any dogs to kill them, they either inhale them up their snout or they toy with them, getting the spider really annoyed.

Good luck

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Cats eat spiders

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

If you kill it and eat it, technically, it's part of the natural food chain.

Plenty of ketchup should help it go down nicely.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"All you need is a cat"

....


"Cats eat spiders"

First, I didn't say I was desperate.

Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just throw your spunk in the air like spiderman.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I had a pact with my ex.

He deals with spiders, I deal with bees and wasps.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Although Scorpions aren't insects I admire your plan "

Neither are spiders, it's still a like for like issue.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Just throw your spunk in the air like spiderman."

I thought the camera was off

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog..."

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"If you kill it and eat it, technically, it's part of the natural food chain.

Plenty of ketchup should help it go down nicely. "

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Ketchup??? Not while I have my strength.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS.... "

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All you need is a cat

....

Cats eat spiders

First, I didn't say I was desperate.

Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many.... "

Specially trained ninja kitten.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate "

You know you talked about an existential crisis yesterday - this is what you meant, isn't it?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Specially trained ninja kitten."

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All you need is a cat. "

We have a cat however she just looks at the spiders and expects us to deal with them!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

But then who's going to kill the flies since you have some kind of Darwin's survival of the fittest going on in your living room?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate

You know you talked about an existential crisis yesterday - this is what you meant, isn't it? "

What existential crisis?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Where did all these sodding flies come from?

I was casually wondering how to incentivise a spider to sod off, suddenly I have a fly infestation.

It's all that raw meat dog poo, isn't it...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden


"Specially trained ninja kitten.

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?"

Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lderflower_AppleWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Cats eat spiders"

Mine don't... they just follow the spiders around the house supervising the eight legged antics.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *awpleasureMan
over a year ago

Sutton Coldfield

I would never kill a spider and always try and save one if my cat is after one. Spiders are amazing creatures with the added bonus that they eat flies.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate

You know you talked about an existential crisis yesterday - this is what you meant, isn't it?

What existential crisis? "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Specially trained ninja kitten.

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?

Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?"

Well obviously not because they don't have opposable thumbs so how would they put them on and take them off! You didn't think this through did you?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Cats eat spiders

Mine don't... they just follow the spiders around the house supervising the eight legged antics."

Exactly the same as ours.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

[Removed by poster at 22/07/22 16:19:02]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate

I was thinking that you'd need a bird (I know, how absurd) to eat the spider, buthen you'd need a cat (yes, fancy that) to catch the bird, and now you get the dog, to catch the cat...."

You also need a old lady.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Specially trained ninja kitten.

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?"

I have a 15 week old Burmese kitten. They come fully trained in the arts of subterfuge, sabotage and cuteness.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you throw the spider to catch the fly? Think you need to throw a bird to catch the spider. Then you need to throw a cat to catch the bird, that you threw to catch the spider that you threw to catch the fly. Then you need to throw a dog...

What fly?

There's a fly???

FFS....

The one the spider caught. Catch up mate

I was thinking that you'd need a bird (I know, how absurd) to eat the spider, buthen you'd need a cat (yes, fancy that) to catch the bird, and now you get the dog, to catch the cat....

You also need a old lady. "

Oh, god.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights


"All you need is a cat

....

Cats eat spiders

First, I didn't say I was desperate.

Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many.... "

YouTube has loads...

Including lots of people who attach cat rope apparatus to their ceilngs and walls for fun... Most predominantly was however people who had to cut holes in ceilings to rescue said stuck cats...I'm not sure they were having the same level of fun. The people I mean not the cats.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All you need is a cat

....

Cats eat spiders

First, I didn't say I was desperate.

Second, I have yet to see a cat that can hang on to a plastered ceiling. Not that I've tested many....

YouTube has loads...

Including lots of people who attach cat rope apparatus to their ceilngs and walls for fun... Most predominantly was however people who had to cut holes in ceilings to rescue said stuck cats...I'm not sure they were having the same level of fun. The people I mean not the cats."

I have a particular penchant for vids of cats and cucumbers.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"You also need a old lady. "

Can I have a (relatively) young one if I promise to train her up in animal husbandry?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You also need a old lady.

Can I have a (relatively) young one if I promise to train her up in animal husbandry?"

Define relatively young?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester

I’ll send my cat round!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All you need is a cat. "

My cat would catch them and leave them on my pillow as a tribute

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ll send my cat round!! "

Could you then send it round here please to train ours because she just looks at them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester


"I’ll send my cat round!!

Could you then send it round here please to train ours because she just looks at them. "

Haha mine is a highly skilled assassin! I’ll pack his little suitcase

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ll send my cat round!!

Could you then send it round here please to train ours because she just looks at them.

Haha mine is a highly skilled assassin! I’ll pack his little suitcase"

Well ours used to be but now she really couldn't care less.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lynJMan
over a year ago

Morden


"Specially trained ninja kitten.

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?

Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?

Well obviously not because they don't have opposable thumbs so how would they put them on and take them off! You didn't think this through did you? "

They could be slip on. You don't need opposable thumbs to get flip flops on to your feet.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Specially trained ninja kitten.

Do I train it to kill spiders first, so that the spider being on the ceiling acts as an incentive to defy gravity, or work up various inclines until it's happy upside down, and assume the instinct will take over?

Does a ninja kitten use suction cups on their feet to help them climb walls and ceilings?

Well obviously not because they don't have opposable thumbs so how would they put them on and take them off! You didn't think this through did you?

They could be slip on. You don't need opposable thumbs to get flip flops on to your feet."

I take it back, I think you have thought this through a little too much!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol


"All you need is a cat. "

All you need is Love

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"You also need a old lady.

Can I have a (relatively) young one if I promise to train her up in animal husbandry?

Define relatively young? "

Between 25 and 35 would be ideal, with a bit of wiggle room...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Get some pholcids, they’ll eat spiders.

Have some of mine, they’re regular in my house and my garage is full of them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed Man OP   Man
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Get some pholcids, they’ll eat spiders."

They ARE spiders!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think Noahs are would be spider free with that list, would he have a private room for the spiders I wonder

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

Natural spider predator in my house is called Henry - he's a great sucker for all sorts

Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top