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The sex less marriage

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By *partharmony OP   Couple
over a year ago

Ruislip

[Removed by poster at 18/07/22 18:34:29]

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By *partharmony OP   Couple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I have come across several people who started of Fab because they are/were in a sexless marriage. That's exactly how I (Luke) ended up here.

Who is or has been in a sexless marriage? Is that why you joined this community?

Tell as much of your story as you like.

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By *hatMinxOverThereWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way

I have. It’s not how I ended up here, but I did leave him partly due to the lack of sex. But also because of other factors (abuse).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a sexless marriage for years. When I started getting tempted to stray I ended it. I only joined here after x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats why I am here. The only options possible for me I an open marriage or divorce.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yup, that's me.

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By *otshot14Woman
over a year ago

nuneaton

I'm here coz of my ex husband cheating.after I got divorce thought why not b on here.only problem is he is now on here.lol

Could have had an open marriage instead

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

The final year of being with my wife was sexless. For me.

But not for her, as it turned out!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hands up for another one here for that reason but I am here with my partners approval and knowledge. We’re no longer sexually compatible but still love each other and want to stay together so we have discussed our options and come to a mutual understanding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sexless but I have such a high sex drive and my wife just doesn't seem to desire me the way I desire her, it's really frustrating because we used to have the best sex life now lucky of once a month

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive not had sex with my wife since she decided it should stop about 10 years ago. Put up with no sex for about 6 years, then joined fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not in a marriage so...

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By *partharmony OP   Couple
over a year ago

Ruislip


"I'm here coz of my ex husband cheating.after I got divorce thought why not b on here.only problem is he is now on here.lol

Could have had an open marriage instead "

Is that what you would have preferred to breaking up?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is one of the reasons I’m here, my marriage isn’t completely sexless, but once a week isn’t enough…..

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By *9 kisses.Man
over a year ago

clacton on sea

I'm in a sexless marriage,

Ive stayed so long because of the kids,

My youngest is going to secondary school this year so maybe now is the right time to move on no doubt many men are on this site for the same reason,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our libidos have never really aligned. Hers used to be really high and she could never get enough. She was always telling me she would have sex outside our marriage if I couldn't keep up. However, hers is now lower than mine and we probably have sex only 6 or 8 times a year. All other aspects of our relationship are great so it's certainly not the terminal issue for us, that it has been for others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wasn't in a sexless marriage I was in one where intimacy was only allowed when we were going to have sex which over the years became only when she wanted it. Outside of that there was affection but nothing more. She would cuddle me and pet me but she did that with the dogs. No kiss was allowed to linger, certain body areas became no touch zones etc. When she was asleep if I cuddled into her she would make little snuggly happy noises, if I (for example) cupped a boob she would tut/sigh lift my hand off and roll away without waking. When she was awake it was a little more subtle but the same effect. I became too afraid to try and instigate anything and eventually at the end became too hurt to respond when she did. I would pretend to be asleep instead - the hardest part of that was trying to make my breathing shallow and sleep like, not sound like I was crying.

She always had a reason for not allowing intimacy but once she had her hysterectomy and went through the menopause she no longer needed different reasons, it was all blamed on a lack of libido even though that honestly wasn't the issue. Right until near the end when I stopped it we were still having sex about once a week. Ultimately it was me that finally stopped the sex when it began to feel like another service I provided for her, not something we shared, libido wasn't ever the issue.

I knew she loved me, I knew there was a huge amount in our marriage worth saving. I knew that walking away would break us both but when you've asked again and again for at least 5 years and eventually literally got down on bended knees and begged for your wife to just give counselling a try and she refuses there's not a lot left to do.

Obviously, this is all my side, I'm quite sure I could have made her feel more special, paid more attention, not made her feel pressured about sex - actually, scrap that last I tried many times to explain it wasn't sex I wanted but I was no good at explaining what I did want.

I'll always regret cheating, I'll always regret not being able to recognise the real issues earlier and change my approach to dealing with them but in the end I had nothing else left to give, I walked away with nothing, she has the house and (at the time) a fairly new car. There's been no fighting, no solicitors, our divorce is complete and I've done my best to fulfill my vows even if I failed to keep them all.

I'm in a relationship now where intimacy is a routine part of daily life. It doesn't matter if the kids are at home, there's plenty of opportunities for sneaky touches, looks even. When I cuddle up to her ladyship and breathe in the scent of her neck she relaxes against me rather than stiffening and adjusting position, ostensibly to get comfy but somehow ending up with more chaste positioning. It's 6 years on and even now I'll catch myself being amazed at how many times we share little moments that used to be banned. I'm always a little scared that it will all stop one day too and I don't really know how to let that fear go.

Mr

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By *illanelleWoman
over a year ago

Ryde, Isle of Wight


"I wasn't in a sexless marriage I was in one where intimacy was only allowed when we were going to have sex which over the years became only when she wanted it. Outside of that there was affection but nothing more. She would cuddle me and pet me but she did that with the dogs. No kiss was allowed to linger, certain body areas became no touch zones etc. When she was asleep if I cuddled into her she would make little snuggly happy noises, if I (for example) cupped a boob she would tut/sigh lift my hand off and roll away without waking. When she was awake it was a little more subtle but the same effect. I became too afraid to try and instigate anything and eventually at the end became too hurt to respond when she did. I would pretend to be asleep instead - the hardest part of that was trying to make my breathing shallow and sleep like, not sound like I was crying.

She always had a reason for not allowing intimacy but once she had her hysterectomy and went through the menopause she no longer needed different reasons, it was all blamed on a lack of libido even though that honestly wasn't the issue. Right until near the end when I stopped it we were still having sex about once a week. Ultimately it was me that finally stopped the sex when it began to feel like another service I provided for her, not something we shared, libido wasn't ever the issue.

I knew she loved me, I knew there was a huge amount in our marriage worth saving. I knew that walking away would break us both but when you've asked again and again for at least 5 years and eventually literally got down on bended knees and begged for your wife to just give counselling a try and she refuses there's not a lot left to do.

Obviously, this is all my side, I'm quite sure I could have made her feel more special, paid more attention, not made her feel pressured about sex - actually, scrap that last I tried many times to explain it wasn't sex I wanted but I was no good at explaining what I did want.

I'll always regret cheating, I'll always regret not being able to recognise the real issues earlier and change my approach to dealing with them but in the end I had nothing else left to give, I walked away with nothing, she has the house and (at the time) a fairly new car. There's been no fighting, no solicitors, our divorce is complete and I've done my best to fulfill my vows even if I failed to keep them all.

I'm in a relationship now where intimacy is a routine part of daily life. It doesn't matter if the kids are at home, there's plenty of opportunities for sneaky touches, looks even. When I cuddle up to her ladyship and breathe in the scent of her neck she relaxes against me rather than stiffening and adjusting position, ostensibly to get comfy but somehow ending up with more chaste positioning. It's 6 years on and even now I'll catch myself being amazed at how many times we share little moments that used to be banned. I'm always a little scared that it will all stop one day too and I don't really know how to let that fear go.

Mr"

This made me cry. So like the situation I was in with my ex. I only realise how painfully soul-destroying it was now. It broke me but I think I'm beginning to mend very slowly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wasn't in a sexless marriage I was in one where intimacy was only allowed when we were going to have sex which over the years became only when she wanted it. Outside of that there was affection but nothing more. She would cuddle me and pet me but she did that with the dogs. No kiss was allowed to linger, certain body areas became no touch zones etc. When she was asleep if I cuddled into her she would make little snuggly happy noises, if I (for example) cupped a boob she would tut/sigh lift my hand off and roll away without waking. When she was awake it was a little more subtle but the same effect. I became too afraid to try and instigate anything and eventually at the end became too hurt to respond when she did. I would pretend to be asleep instead - the hardest part of that was trying to make my breathing shallow and sleep like, not sound like I was crying.

She always had a reason for not allowing intimacy but once she had her hysterectomy and went through the menopause she no longer needed different reasons, it was all blamed on a lack of libido even though that honestly wasn't the issue. Right until near the end when I stopped it we were still having sex about once a week. Ultimately it was me that finally stopped the sex when it began to feel like another service I provided for her, not something we shared, libido wasn't ever the issue.

I knew she loved me, I knew there was a huge amount in our marriage worth saving. I knew that walking away would break us both but when you've asked again and again for at least 5 years and eventually literally got down on bended knees and begged for your wife to just give counselling a try and she refuses there's not a lot left to do.

Obviously, this is all my side, I'm quite sure I could have made her feel more special, paid more attention, not made her feel pressured about sex - actually, scrap that last I tried many times to explain it wasn't sex I wanted but I was no good at explaining what I did want.

I'll always regret cheating, I'll always regret not being able to recognise the real issues earlier and change my approach to dealing with them but in the end I had nothing else left to give, I walked away with nothing, she has the house and (at the time) a fairly new car. There's been no fighting, no solicitors, our divorce is complete and I've done my best to fulfill my vows even if I failed to keep them all.

I'm in a relationship now where intimacy is a routine part of daily life. It doesn't matter if the kids are at home, there's plenty of opportunities for sneaky touches, looks even. When I cuddle up to her ladyship and breathe in the scent of her neck she relaxes against me rather than stiffening and adjusting position, ostensibly to get comfy but somehow ending up with more chaste positioning. It's 6 years on and even now I'll catch myself being amazed at how many times we share little moments that used to be banned. I'm always a little scared that it will all stop one day too and I don't really know how to let that fear go.

Mr"

Thanks for sharing that. Genuinely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Richard here that's exactly why I'm here,no sex unless she wants then it's boring vanilla won't try just shit really

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By *oredSub22Woman
over a year ago

Malton ish

Yes! Not totally sexless but vanilla city. I didn't give up and run to fab iv given so many options from an open marriage.... sharing ... toys .. lingerie.. we have a great partnership and an amazing family but he just wants vanilla and its so frustrating ??

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By *terobs6869Man
over a year ago

Llandudno

Yep. Things were great at first, but as soon as she got pregnant that was it. I honestly look back now and wonder if that was all she really wanted, a kid and a husband to provide and look after her.

So, in the 11 years since we conceived, I doubt we're into double figures for the number of times we've done it.

And it's really shit sex. She likes to receive oral, but not give it. Never. And the only position she says is comfortable for her is cowgirl. So every other position is out. And she also wants to control it when she's on top. So she tells me not to thrust, and she just rides me until she cums.

Then she'll climb off and offer me a hand job to finish me off.

It's the same every time. Which is why I don't really care about having sex with her anymore.

But she knows I'm likely to stray if she doesn't "give me" sex, which is how she sees it, so she constantly trails it... tomorrow, Friday, Saturday... But of course it never happens. But the constant promises of "jam tomorrow" made me incredibly frustrated. And resentful.

So I finally took things into my own hands a few years back.

I've met up with a few women on here, many of whom liked a couple of stories I published here a couple of years back.

They were mostly, but not exclusively, vanilla meets.

But I am naturally dominant (another reason why sex with my wife doesn't do it for me), so have also met women off fet and currently have a gorgeous sub, whom, if I'm honest, I love. And that feeling is reciprocated.

If I could get out of my marriage and be with her, I would. But I can't, for various reasons, so here I am, just trying to make the best of a bad situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep. Things were great at first, but as soon as she got pregnant that was it. I honestly look back now and wonder if that was all she really wanted, a kid and a husband to provide and look after her.

So, in the 11 years since we conceived, I doubt we're into double figures for the number of times we've done it.

And it's really shit sex. She likes to receive oral, but not give it. Never. And the only position she says is comfortable for her is cowgirl. So every other position is out. And she also wants to control it when she's on top. So she tells me not to thrust, and she just rides me until she cums.

Then she'll climb off and offer me a hand job to finish me off.

It's the same every time. Which is why I don't really care about having sex with her anymore.

But she knows I'm likely to stray if she doesn't "give me" sex, which is how she sees it, so she constantly trails it... tomorrow, Friday, Saturday... But of course it never happens. But the constant promises of "jam tomorrow" made me incredibly frustrated. And resentful.

So I finally took things into my own hands a few years back.

I've met up with a few women on here, many of whom liked a couple of stories I published here a couple of years back.

They were mostly, but not exclusively, vanilla meets.

But I am naturally dominant (another reason why sex with my wife doesn't do it for me), so have also met women off fet and currently have a gorgeous sub, whom, if I'm honest, I love. And that feeling is reciprocated.

If I could get out of my marriage and be with her, I would. But I can't, for various reasons, so here I am, just trying to make the best of a bad situation. "

Exactly the same here, it's always her on top then hand job, she always says ooh I'm tired or this or that, I worked three jobs 7 days a week 80hrs a week to keep our head above water a few years ago to support her and our 2 kids but I always had time for her as I couldn't resist touching her even though I was down from exhaustion now I cleared the debt found my self a good job working nights more time at home, and barley get a kiss goodbye I worked so hard to get to where we are it may not be much but a bit of appreciation goes a long way you know once a week would be good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I now get a hug from my wife onna rare occasion, never any touching in bed. She told me that she didnt understand why I wanted or needed sex and suggested the problem was with me.

I've been rejected that many times by her, I could never feel sexually attracted to her again. I don't think some women realise the effect this can have on a person.

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By *ilverminxWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

Joined fab after leaving the sexless marriage.

Was broken and lacking self worth and confidence. It’s shocking what being made to feel undesirable does to you.

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne


"Not sexless but I have such a high sex drive and my wife just doesn't seem to desire me the way I desire her, it's really frustrating because we used to have the best sex life now lucky of once a month"

Same here! But once a month is good! I was lucky for ten short minutes this morning as it happens - was the third time this year and the longest she’s allowed me to be active! She’s fine with me being here as long as I only meet when she’s away.

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By *utual InterestsMan
over a year ago

Kent

Yep, 10 years and counting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Joined fab after leaving the sexless marriage.

Was broken and lacking self worth and confidence. It’s shocking what being made to feel undesirable does to you. "

Yes totally feeling undesirable by someone you care about cuts so deep, and you are stunning so don't understand why he didn't want it with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell me about it that’s why I’m on here and if anyone fancy having a chat with me about this please message me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Joined fab after leaving the sexless marriage.

Was broken and lacking self worth and confidence. It’s shocking what being made to feel undesirable does to you. "

I couldn't agree more, it absolutely destroys you and for it to be done to you by someone you love makes it all the worse.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

My ex and I didn't have much of a sex life, I think we lost the intimacy. He constantly pressured me to do things sexually I wasn't comfortable with and that was a huge turn off, when he wouldn't take a no for an answer I just didn't want him near me, that was the start of the end.

Now I try most things because it's not pressured, it's fun.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me - Sex and intimacy is vital for a romantic relationship. I can and could have sex that way with someone I’m not married to or in a relationship, but I would need it in a marriage. (Take away any reason medical/mental or otherwise etc)

To confirm- sex doesn’t make a good marriage, a good relationship makes good sex.

So if that’s missing, it’s going to feel pretty empty and leave someone feeling unwanted and lonely, esp without good communication and honesty to why it’s either sexless or emotionless in the bedroom.

Just my pennies worth.

I felt lonely and unwanted for a long time, that’s why we split up.

If I could give any advice to anyone, talk, talk and talk if you care and love each other. Once that stops, everything will stop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sexless marriage for several years here too.

Never thought I’d cheat but eventually you get disheartened by the constant rejection.

Especially as a middle aged woman, you believe the problem is with you, getting older, unfanciable, bigger than I once was. Ended up feeling completely undesired but having been on here for a few months, I realise that there are guys (and girls) who like what I have to offer still.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So glad the women have also opened up about this as the men seem to get obliterated on here so thanks ladies for also speaking about your experiences too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a sexless marriage about 8 years ago ....and it wasn't because my libido wasn't high ...just my partner put so much pressure on me in comparing me to others body wise and just overall. I didn't feel confident in my appearance ...he wanted me to be a dolled up poster girl 24/7....I was never that ...I was far from when we met.Then his actions outside the bedroom.. he would always find time to hang with his friends but never for us anymore. He became less and less desirable to me .. we were expecting our second and I had a miscarriage ..the day it happened ..he left me home with our son(was a toddler at the time) to go hang out with his friends .... so I suffered alone physically and mentally ...after that day I knew in my heart and mind it was over . I left him and filed for divorce...to this day he's still trying to get me back but I am the happiest I have ever been so not a chance in hell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been in one for about 5 years. I love my wife to bits but due to illness and medication she has lost her what was, a very active libido. Thats the hard bit! Having had a very active sex life, within a very short space of time it went from full on, to almost full off. Its not that we don't have sex, but its very sporadic (every 3 months) which isn't enough for me and there is only so much fun you can have on your own.

We have spoken at length and had some very tearful conversations and whilst I've not be given carte blanch to play, I have been given some 'conditions' I must adhere to which appears to work well (but obviously may not sit comfortably with some and that I understand)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So glad the women have also opened up about this as the men seem to get obliterated on here so thanks ladies for also speaking about your experiences too"

Yes, its been interesting to read the posts by women facing similar situations. Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not in a sexless marriage any more but still relevant

My ex started having issues with keeping his erections about 18 months before we split up. He was too much of a ‘man’s man’ to do anything about it . I encouraged him on numerous occasions to get help etc but he refused. He stopped trying altogether in the end . Before we split up, he hadn’t touched me in over 6 months.

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I am in one, and that is why I joined, yes.

I’ve told my story several times.

Though atm I use Fab just for entertainment/reading at the odd leisure moment as I really have no time or energy for meeting! Haha! but I am the happiest I have been for years!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am in one, and that is why I joined, yes.

I’ve told my story several times.

Though atm I use Fab just for entertainment/reading at the odd leisure moment as I really have no time or energy for meeting! Haha! but I am the happiest I have been for years! "

Well that's really good to hear, although we are really near each other hopefully we could chat privately sometime x

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By *assy69Man
over a year ago

West Sussex and Wales


"I have come across several people who started of Fab because they are/were in a sexless marriage. That's exactly how I (Luke) ended up here.

Who is or has been in a sexless marriage? Is that why you joined this community?

Tell as much of your story as you like. "

First joined not long after fab began, marriage was not sexless, but my libido has always been a lot higher, and always felt like I needed sex all of the time. Have met some fabulous people and made great friends over the years from here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi Richard here that's exactly why I'm here,no sex unless she wants then it's boring vanilla won't try just shit really"

That’s the same as me mate

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By *lad98Man
over a year ago

Burton Upon Trent

Not sexless, but different libidos after menopause. Sex just doesn't feel the same for her anymore, and she doesn't need it as often as me, if at all. We pretty much follow the same recipe every time, it's nice, but sometimes I just want to try something new, bit of kink, spend a whole morning enjoying ourselves rather than 15 minutes getting it out of the way. Selfish I know.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton


"Joined fab after leaving the sexless marriage.

Was broken and lacking self worth and confidence. It’s shocking what being made to feel undesirable does to you. "

I was exactly the same. 17 years in a sexless intimacy-starved marriage.

It was soul-destroying being rejected for more than a decade and a half. I went on a kinda date after the marriage was over. And the woman spontaneously took my hand and said I had beautiful eyes.

I literally cried. I had no way to process how overwhelming that felt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Joined fab after leaving the sexless marriage.

Was broken and lacking self worth and confidence. It’s shocking what being made to feel undesirable does to you.

I was exactly the same. 17 years in a sexless intimacy-starved marriage.

It was soul-destroying being rejected for more than a decade and a half. I went on a kinda date after the marriage was over. And the woman spontaneously took my hand and said I had beautiful eyes.

I literally cried. I had no way to process how overwhelming that felt."

That has been one of the hardest things for me. When her ladyship and I were first together I would regularly ruin our best moments by either crying or slamming up walls as these times were the hardest to understand and/or trust. Frankly I'm amazed she put up with it

Mr

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By *orkie77Man
over a year ago

York


"Yes! Not totally sexless but vanilla city. I didn't give up and run to fab iv given so many options from an open marriage.... sharing ... toys .. lingerie.. we have a great partnership and an amazing family but he just wants vanilla and its so frustrating ?? "

Mine is virtually sexless and like you completely vanilla on the odd occasion it happens.

Feel your pain as it’s definitely frustrating on a number of levels.

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By *ames5169Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

Married and otherwise happy but sex dried up a few years ago x The difficulty of getting on here is therefore compounded !!

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By *ames5169Man
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I was in a sexless marriage about 8 years ago ....and it wasn't because my libido wasn't high ...just my partner put so much pressure on me in comparing me to others body wise and just overall. I didn't feel confident in my appearance ...he wanted me to be a dolled up poster girl 24/7....I was never that ...I was far from when we met.Then his actions outside the bedroom.. he would always find time to hang with his friends but never for us anymore. He became less and less desirable to me .. we were expecting our second and I had a miscarriage ..the day it happened ..he left me home with our son(was a toddler at the time) to go hang out with his friends .... so I suffered alone physically and mentally ...after that day I knew in my heart and mind it was over . I left him and filed for divorce...to this day he's still trying to get me back but I am the happiest I have ever been so not a chance in hell."

Much better off without him xx

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By *ames5169Man
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Sexless marriage for several years here too.

Never thought I’d cheat but eventually you get disheartened by the constant rejection.

Especially as a middle aged woman, you believe the problem is with you, getting older, unfanciable, bigger than I once was. Ended up feeling completely undesired but having been on here for a few months, I realise that there are guys (and girls) who like what I have to offer still. "

You look amazing xx

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By *igtone2310Man
over a year ago

Beverley


"I've been in one for about 5 years. I love my wife to bits but due to illness and medication she has lost her what was, a very active libido. Thats the hard bit! Having had a very active sex life, within a very short space of time it went from full on, to almost full off. Its not that we don't have sex, but its very sporadic (every 3 months) which isn't enough for me and there is only so much fun you can have on your own.

We have spoken at length and had some very tearful conversations and whilst I've not be given carte blanch to play, I have been given some 'conditions' I must adhere to which appears to work well (but obviously may not sit comfortably with some and that I understand)"
This is my issue totally 7 years now, my wife would be gutted if she found me on here, i just pretend i've lost my sexual appetite too. I'm not sure what the outcome will be but i take a lot of care, thankyou everyone for being so open and honest, it kind of helps x

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By *exOnLegsPlymCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

Been there, had that T shirt. 10-12 years ago wife (now ex) lost all interest, but because she always knew that I had a really high sex drive, gave me tacit permission to play away from home, but in the end it caused so much stress that we broke up after 30 years together.

As well as all the hurt in the family, it cost me a bloody fortune.

Luckily I've now met Mrs S so its all good but mis-matching sexual appetites can cause very serious issues.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere


"I wasn't in a sexless marriage I was in one where intimacy was only allowed when we were going to have sex which over the years became only when she wanted it. Outside of that there was affection but nothing more. She would cuddle me and pet me but she did that with the dogs. No kiss was allowed to linger, certain body areas became no touch zones etc. When she was asleep if I cuddled into her she would make little snuggly happy noises, if I (for example) cupped a boob she would tut/sigh lift my hand off and roll away without waking. When she was awake it was a little more subtle but the same effect. I became too afraid to try and instigate anything and eventually at the end became too hurt to respond when she did. I would pretend to be asleep instead - the hardest part of that was trying to make my breathing shallow and sleep like, not sound like I was crying.

She always had a reason for not allowing intimacy but once she had her hysterectomy and went through the menopause she no longer needed different reasons, it was all blamed on a lack of libido even though that honestly wasn't the issue. Right until near the end when I stopped it we were still having sex about once a week. Ultimately it was me that finally stopped the sex when it began to feel like another service I provided for her, not something we shared, libido wasn't ever the issue.

I knew she loved me, I knew there was a huge amount in our marriage worth saving. I knew that walking away would break us both but when you've asked again and again for at least 5 years and eventually literally got down on bended knees and begged for your wife to just give counselling a try and she refuses there's not a lot left to do.

Obviously, this is all my side, I'm quite sure I could have made her feel more special, paid more attention, not made her feel pressured about sex - actually, scrap that last I tried many times to explain it wasn't sex I wanted but I was no good at explaining what I did want.

I'll always regret cheating, I'll always regret not being able to recognise the real issues earlier and change my approach to dealing with them but in the end I had nothing else left to give, I walked away with nothing, she has the house and (at the time) a fairly new car. There's been no fighting, no solicitors, our divorce is complete and I've done my best to fulfill my vows even if I failed to keep them all.

I'm in a relationship now where intimacy is a routine part of daily life. It doesn't matter if the kids are at home, there's plenty of opportunities for sneaky touches, looks even. When I cuddle up to her ladyship and breathe in the scent of her neck she relaxes against me rather than stiffening and adjusting position, ostensibly to get comfy but somehow ending up with more chaste positioning. It's 6 years on and even now I'll catch myself being amazed at how many times we share little moments that used to be banned. I'm always a little scared that it will all stop one day too and I don't really know how to let that fear go.

Mr"

What an amazingly open honest, touching articulate post

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By *ickdasterdly51Man
over a year ago

Lingfield

I think what upsets me is the lack of intimacy. I want to feel desired and wanted by my wife but instead most times it's made to feel like it's nothing more than one of her regular tasks that she can tick off her 'to do' list. It's a shame because a few times recently she's made an effort with lingerie, pics, etc and we've both really enjoyed it but instead of building on it she's lost interest. I understand that she's going through the menopause (although it seems a very long time) and she's had other issues. However I've always been there for her, even she admits I do most of the housework and all I want in return is some love and intimate moments. She doesn't have a problem with me being on here, I'm not really sure what to think, part of me thinks I should make the most of it if I have some good experiences from it but part of me is sad because I feel that she doesn't care about sex between us and is happy to let me look elsewhere for that. Anyway, it is what is is and my situation is nowhere as bad as others on here. Good luck to you all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What I really hate, when I try to discuss it she make me feel like I have an issue, like wanting sex and intimacy is wrong.

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By *ocktoplaywithMan
over a year ago

Derby

Seeing others referring to lack of intimacy is something I can relate to strongly. For my wife and I, intimacy has never been a big part of our life, which had a knock on effect on the sex. We would and still do, hold hands, but that’s always been about it. Kissing occasionally but not frequently, and more often than not only associated with sex. Oral sex, absolutely never since marriage. Before marriage she loved me performing on her, but we didn’t have full sex. Once we married and had sex, oral was an abhorrent sin. Stroking any part of her body other than arms below the elbow also a no go. She would occasionally stroke my chest and very very occasionally my genitals, but neither now for at least 15 years.

We have sex about once a year if I’m lucky. I get the feeling she does so cos she thinks she should. Tbh, I’m not fussed any more. I would rather cuddle up to her, kiss her deeply, and caress her body, but she doesn’t want me to.

Away from that side of our relationship we get on fantastic, I do love her and I’m sure she loves me, but oh how I miss not being to enjoy her.

I often think lack of sex and lack of money are very similar. People say money isn’t everything and it isn’t, but bloody hell it’s so difficult to live without it. Sex is the same, it’s so difficult without it.

We’ve also experienced lack of money, been very stressful for both of us, and understandably that had a negative effect on our relationship. I thought once we’d pulled it round things would improve. Well we have, but they haven’t.

I know I’m not perfect and I try all sorts to entice her to some intimacy, but it’s all in vain. At least I can still hold her hand.

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