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A rant about anonymity

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester

I feel like the anonymous aspect of fab (and arguably the internet as a whole) brings out the worst in people. It's easy to project your biases and stereotypes onto a profile when a username,picture(s) and maybe a sentence or two is all you have to work out who this person is.

You have no deep understanding of what makes them tick and how they formed their views. You might agree on much more than you'd realise, you might share hobbies or love the same band.

Behind all those profiles there's complex, flawed and wonderful human beings. No doubt you'd find a way to get along in person. Perhaps you'd even like them.

I reckon we'd all do well to give people a chance to properly express themselves before we jump down their throat and assume they're the enemy.

Whatcha all reckon?

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London


"

I reckon we'd all do well to give people a chance to properly express themselves before we jump down their throat and assume they're the enemy.

"

It took me a long time to learn to respond to the post and not the poster despite getting frustrated when it happened to me

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

That's why it's nice to get to know people a bit, before they stick anything near my throat

Being serious, isn't it the same for any online forum, be it Fab, Mumsnet or whatever? Until you get to know someone, you can never fully understand their POV etc.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I think this is far too vague to comment.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

There is a flipside to this that people use anonymity or relative anonymity to provoke a reaction

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

I don't have time to do that on here. I'll meet people at socials and possibly get to know them better, but I'm not here to get to know loads of people thoroughly, my focus is on my sexual playmates, past, present and future

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"

I reckon we'd all do well to give people a chance to properly express themselves before we jump down their throat and assume they're the enemy.

It took me a long time to learn to respond to the post and not the poster despite getting frustrated when it happened to me

"

In this scenario the post is only a few dozen characters. It can't possibly come close to giving a fully rounded impression of a person. You'd need 100,000s of words. It seems to be in human nature to take that tiny amount of information and run with it. Not our greatest feature as a species.

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By *ister CMan
over a year ago

liverpool


"I feel like the anonymous aspect of fab (and arguably the internet as a whole) brings out the worst in people. It's easy to project your biases and stereotypes onto a profile when a username,picture(s) and maybe a sentence or two is all you have to work out who this person is.

You have no deep understanding of what makes them tick and how they formed their views. You might agree on much more than you'd realise, you might share hobbies or love the same band.

Behind all those profiles there's complex, flawed and wonderful human beings. No doubt you'd find a way to get along in person. Perhaps you'd even like them.

I reckon we'd all do well to give people a chance to properly express themselves before we jump down their throat and assume they're the enemy.

Whatcha all reckon?

"

I reckon the Internet and forums are far to volumous places to consider each and every post and person...

Its a throw away place... a play of fast food potinification and buzz word experts...

Enjoy the veneer...

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

True but not always easy to do I think a lot of us find that easy to forget and just react

I try not to I try to consider that people have their reasons for saying what they do but it’s hard esp if what they write borders on or is offensive

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

So…this week I’ve seen a couple of things that are OTT offensive. There’s a line. If someone doesn’t care that they’re upsetting other humans, if they choose to cross that line, I don’t want to find out what I have in common with them.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"

I reckon we'd all do well to give people a chance to properly express themselves before we jump down their throat and assume they're the enemy.

It took me a long time to learn to respond to the post and not the poster despite getting frustrated when it happened to me

In this scenario the post is only a few dozen characters. It can't possibly come close to giving a fully rounded impression of a person. You'd need 100,000s of words. It seems to be in human nature to take that tiny amount of information and run with it. Not our greatest feature as a species. "

Doesn't it depend what the small amount of information is though? If someone says "put the Nazis back in power, they were great!" then I think it's kind of fair to draw some fairly strong conclusions. If someone says "the Nazis actually did some good things" I might ask for a little more context (mostly through sheer hope that they're talking about some benign, obscure achievement ).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I reckon we'd all do well to give people a chance to properly express themselves before we jump down their throat and assume they're the enemy.

It took me a long time to learn to respond to the post and not the poster despite getting frustrated when it happened to me

In this scenario the post is only a few dozen characters. It can't possibly come close to giving a fully rounded impression of a person. You'd need 100,000s of words. It seems to be in human nature to take that tiny amount of information and run with it. Not our greatest feature as a species.

Doesn't it depend what the small amount of information is though? If someone says "put the Nazis back in power, they were great!" then I think it's kind of fair to draw some fairly strong conclusions. If someone says "the Nazis actually did some good things" I might ask for a little more context (mostly through sheer hope that they're talking about some benign, obscure achievement ). "

This!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is way the forums is a grate wonderful place

It allows people to see what other are like without really even needing to chat to them

You can get a sens off them

Yes people can fake it sort off thing

But only for a short time at some point or another they will show them true selfs

Over a prolonged period off time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So…this week I’ve seen a couple of things that are OTT offensive. There’s a line. If someone doesn’t care that they’re upsetting other humans, if they choose to cross that line, I don’t want to find out what I have in common with them. "

This!

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"

I reckon we'd all do well to give people a chance to properly express themselves before we jump down their throat and assume they're the enemy.

It took me a long time to learn to respond to the post and not the poster despite getting frustrated when it happened to me

In this scenario the post is only a few dozen characters. It can't possibly come close to giving a fully rounded impression of a person. You'd need 100,000s of words. It seems to be in human nature to take that tiny amount of information and run with it. Not our greatest feature as a species.

Doesn't it depend what the small amount of information is though? If someone says "put the Nazis back in power, they were great!" then I think it's kind of fair to draw some fairly strong conclusions. If someone says "the Nazis actually did some good things" I might ask for a little more context (mostly through sheer hope that they're talking about some benign, obscure achievement ). "

You've raised a good point. There's certain red lines where it's obvious there's very little to gain from investing in learning about someone.

It's more of the grey areas in between I'm trying to put under the magnifying glass.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I try to ask questions and understand motive but a lot of the time people aren't prepared to enter into anything but a superficial conversation. That's fine but you will be misunderstood

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"This is way the forums is a grate wonderful place

It allows people to see what other are like without really even needing to chat to them

You can get a sens off them

Yes people can fake it sort off thing

But only for a short time at some point or another they will show them true selfs

Over a prolonged period off time

"

I'll say I'm guilty in doing this too. A huge part of making a connection for me is that question of who people are and what they believe. If someone's way too far from my realm of reality I'll make a mental note just to not engage with them.

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Even in writing these replies I don't feel like I'm able to fully articulate properly what I believe. Text just isn't a good method of communication.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

In all areas of life we go on the information we have. Not just online.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London


"Even in writing these replies I don't feel like I'm able to fully articulate properly what I believe. Text just isn't a good method of communication."

I get what you mean I think. It's when someone posts something not overly controversial but words it poorly, an early reply is a bit snide and that appears to be a green light to everyone to pile on

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I thought Thursday was rant day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is way the forums is a grate wonderful place

It allows people to see what other are like without really even needing to chat to them

You can get a sens off them

Yes people can fake it sort off thing

But only for a short time at some point or another they will show them true selfs

Over a prolonged period off time

I'll say I'm guilty in doing this too. A huge part of making a connection for me is that question of who people are and what they believe. If someone's way too far from my realm of reality I'll make a mental note just to not engage with them."

It’s not necessarily fool proof that way

As it’s a open public forum so some people don’t give to much away

They will show what kind off person they are but not who they really are

To meny people just want to know stuff to shame orther and stuff so people lock things away

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"Even in writing these replies I don't feel like I'm able to fully articulate properly what I believe. Text just isn't a good method of communication.

I get what you mean I think. It's when someone posts something not overly controversial but words it poorly, an early reply is a bit snide and that appears to be a green light to everyone to pile on"

So true. We're never our best selves when we're trying to formulate an opinion in 100 characters, usually in a rush.

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"I thought Thursday was rant day "

I wasn't aware of this tradition

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In all areas of life we go on the information we have. Not just online. "

That isn’t necessarily a good thing as you could totally have the wrong information about someone

And when it turns out to be wrong

You could have already unknowny to you burned that bridge before you even got a chance to make sed bring

I always say I go on how people treat me not what others think

As they could be being very vendtice and still trying to be controlling

The only way information like that works if you were there and hafe both sides otherwise

It could be totally bs

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Now I'm questioning whether my rant is even totally about anonymity. Perfect example. Didn't think about that in writing but it will be read and respond to as though it's my greatest work.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"In all areas of life we go on the information we have. Not just online.

That isn’t necessarily a good thing as you could totally have the wrong information about someone

And when it turns out to be wrong

You could have already unknowny to you burned that bridge before you even got a chance to make sed bring

I always say I go on how people treat me not what others think

As they could be being very vendtice and still trying to be controlling

The only way information like that works if you were there and hafe both sides otherwise

It could be totally bs "

Yes

But we can do nothing else.

We need to interact with people, and to do so we use the data we have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In all areas of life we go on the information we have. Not just online.

That isn’t necessarily a good thing as you could totally have the wrong information about someone

And when it turns out to be wrong

You could have already unknowny to you burned that bridge before you even got a chance to make sed bring

I always say I go on how people treat me not what others think

As they could be being very vendtice and still trying to be controlling

The only way information like that works if you were there and hafe both sides otherwise

It could be totally bs

Yes

But we can do nothing else.

We need to interact with people, and to do so we use the data we have"

That is true but again it could be wrong and could have burned a bridge in the prossece

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah! I’m a dickhead, you’re a dickhead, he’s a dickhead, she’s a dickhead, they’re a dickhead. We’re all dickheads.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"In all areas of life we go on the information we have. Not just online.

That isn’t necessarily a good thing as you could totally have the wrong information about someone

And when it turns out to be wrong

You could have already unknowny to you burned that bridge before you even got a chance to make sed bring

I always say I go on how people treat me not what others think

As they could be being very vendtice and still trying to be controlling

The only way information like that works if you were there and hafe both sides otherwise

It could be totally bs

Yes

But we can do nothing else.

We need to interact with people, and to do so we use the data we have

That is true but again it could be wrong and could have burned a bridge in the prossece "

Yes. That's life

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"Nah! I’m a dickhead, you’re a dickhead, he’s a dickhead, she’s a dickhead, they’re a dickhead. We’re all dickheads."

You're not wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah! I’m a dickhead, you’re a dickhead, he’s a dickhead, she’s a dickhead, they’re a dickhead. We’re all dickheads.

You're not wrong "

I rarely am

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"Nah! I’m a dickhead, you’re a dickhead, he’s a dickhead, she’s a dickhead, they’re a dickhead. We’re all dickheads.

You're not wrong

I rarely am "

To conclude. We're all fucking idiots.

Fin

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Too many forget that it's an actual person behind the profile and have no idea what that person might be going through x

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"That's why it's nice to get to know people a bit, before they stick anything near my throat

Being serious, isn't it the same for any online forum, be it Fab, Mumsnet or whatever? Until you get to know someone, you can never fully understand their POV etc."

I knew someone would pick up on that

I can't speak for any experiences on Mumsnet. It's all a product of human nature at the end of the day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In all areas of life we go on the information we have. Not just online.

That isn’t necessarily a good thing as you could totally have the wrong information about someone

And when it turns out to be wrong

You could have already unknowny to you burned that bridge before you even got a chance to make sed bring

I always say I go on how people treat me not what others think

As they could be being very vendtice and still trying to be controlling

The only way information like that works if you were there and hafe both sides otherwise

It could be totally bs

Yes

But we can do nothing else.

We need to interact with people, and to do so we use the data we have

That is true but again it could be wrong and could have burned a bridge in the prossece

Yes. That's life "

Definitely not a good way to go about life as you could really be cutting someone so worth while out

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By *eadintheclouds OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"Too many forget that it's an actual person behind the profile and have no idea what that person might be going through x"

Indeedy. Especially in these particularly heavy and worrying times!

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

chichester


"I don't have time to do that on here. I'll meet people at socials and possibly get to know them better, but I'm not here to get to know loads of people thoroughly, my focus is on my sexual playmates, past, present and future "

Yes I just need enough easy chat to be able to ensure a fun fuck play etc happens in meets . Not here looking life long friends / lovers .. so really I am not that interested In peoples inner life views I have my actual family / friends for that .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I try to ask questions and understand motive but a lot of the time people aren't prepared to enter into anything but a superficial conversation. That's fine but you will be misunderstood "

Exactly this and the fact some will use anonymity to provoke a reaction. I think some of people have their days and it comes out online. But I think you can often tell who’s an arsehole and for whatever reasons act that way most/all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it has changed much. People react as they have always done. They used to thump the table to their friends or strangers at the pub. Now, everyone has a means to vocalise it more 'loudly'.

Bad manners and lack of respect are just that. They have been changing and evolving throughout history. People come to accept new behaviour as normality over time and it is no longer viewed in the same light as it was in the past.

I don't use the internet much and no social media at all except for this site. From what I see here, people are still behaving the way they have done in the past, merely on a wider platform to a bigger audience.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"In all areas of life we go on the information we have. Not just online.

That isn’t necessarily a good thing as you could totally have the wrong information about someone

And when it turns out to be wrong

You could have already unknowny to you burned that bridge before you even got a chance to make sed bring

I always say I go on how people treat me not what others think

As they could be being very vendtice and still trying to be controlling

The only way information like that works if you were there and hafe both sides otherwise

It could be totally bs

Yes

But we can do nothing else.

We need to interact with people, and to do so we use the data we have

That is true but again it could be wrong and could have burned a bridge in the prossece

Yes. That's life

Definitely not a good way to go about life as you could really be cutting someone so worth while out "

So how do you determine how to treat someone, if not by the evidence they've presented you?

The homeless person on the end of my street screaming about the Illuminati might be entirely worthwhile, but I'm going to avoid based on the data I have to hand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/07/22 16:37:16]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In all areas of life we go on the information we have. Not just online.

That isn’t necessarily a good thing as you could totally have the wrong information about someone

And when it turns out to be wrong

You could have already unknowny to you burned that bridge before you even got a chance to make sed bring

I always say I go on how people treat me not what others think

As they could be being very vendtice and still trying to be controlling

The only way information like that works if you were there and hafe both sides otherwise

It could be totally bs

Yes

But we can do nothing else.

We need to interact with people, and to do so we use the data we have

That is true but again it could be wrong and could have burned a bridge in the prossece

Yes. That's life

Definitely not a good way to go about life as you could really be cutting someone so worth while out

So how do you determine how to treat someone, if not by the evidence they've presented you?

The homeless person on the end of my street screaming about the Illuminati might be entirely worthwhile, but I'm going to avoid based on the data I have to hand. "

By how they treat me it really is that simple to be honest

So say you don’t know someone really at all and treat them badly base on a “friend” but unknownly to you sed friend is a lier being manipulative and still trying to control from the outside

You being nasty to that person

Now means that person dose not like you at all

Whare you could have had the best thing possible with no problems at all and never any hassle or anything but because off sed friend and the way you were means that bridge is well and truly burned and gone

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I try to ask questions and understand motive but a lot of the time people aren't prepared to enter into anything but a superficial conversation. That's fine but you will be misunderstood

Exactly this and the fact some will use anonymity to provoke a reaction. I think some of people have their days and it comes out online. But I think you can often tell who’s an arsehole and for whatever reasons act that way most/all the time. "

Yep and it doesn't matter how carefully you consider what you post there will be subtle tells that observant people pick up on

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"In all areas of life we go on the information we have. Not just online.

That isn’t necessarily a good thing as you could totally have the wrong information about someone

And when it turns out to be wrong

You could have already unknowny to you burned that bridge before you even got a chance to make sed bring

I always say I go on how people treat me not what others think

As they could be being very vendtice and still trying to be controlling

The only way information like that works if you were there and hafe both sides otherwise

It could be totally bs

Yes

But we can do nothing else.

We need to interact with people, and to do so we use the data we have

That is true but again it could be wrong and could have burned a bridge in the prossece

Yes. That's life

Definitely not a good way to go about life as you could really be cutting someone so worth while out

So how do you determine how to treat someone, if not by the evidence they've presented you?

The homeless person on the end of my street screaming about the Illuminati might be entirely worthwhile, but I'm going to avoid based on the data I have to hand.

By how they treat me it really is that simple to be honest

So say you don’t know someone really at all and treat them badly base on a “friend” but unknownly to you sed friend is a lier being manipulative and still trying to control from the outside

You being nasty to that person

Now means that person dose not like you at all

Whare you could have had the best thing possible with no problems at all and never any hassle or anything but because off sed friend and the way you were means that bridge is well and truly burned and gone "

Or maybe your friend is a trusted source and you proceed with caution, observe for yourself, and act accordingly.

I've wasted far too long on people where I've observed or been told about red flags. I'm not going to assume everyone is my bestie without or even in spite of evidence to the contrary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I've not been able to post on the forum until now, I've just observed people for a month. I'd have to agree with Natalie that you really get a sense over time of what people are like. How they respond to others, what words they choose, what topics they choose to post about. What happens if there is disagreement.

People generally show them selves over time. Here or in a chat - if you're paying enough attention.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"That's why it's nice to get to know people a bit, before they stick anything near my throat

Being serious, isn't it the same for any online forum, be it Fab, Mumsnet or whatever? Until you get to know someone, you can never fully understand their POV etc.

I knew someone would pick up on that

I can't speak for any experiences on Mumsnet. It's all a product of human nature at the end of the day."

You can rely on me to lower the tone, C

I have no experience on Mumsnet specifically either (!) but knowing other fora that both Mr KC and I use or have used in the past, it's the same thing across the board. As you say, it's pretty much impossible to get across all that you feel/believe/think about a topic in a brief, written statement online. All of a person's prior experience in life might be behind what they are writing, which obviously cannot be conveyed. Nor can "tone of voice" or facial expression. I'm often playfully teasing in what I say, but it benefits from eye contact

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"As I've not been able to post on the forum until now, I've just observed people for a month. I'd have to agree with Natalie that you really get a sense over time of what people are like. How they respond to others, what words they choose, what topics they choose to post about. What happens if there is disagreement.

People generally show them selves over time. Here or in a chat - if you're paying enough attention. "

A whole month. That must have been torture, sorry to read that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As I've not been able to post on the forum until now, I've just observed people for a month. I'd have to agree with Natalie that you really get a sense over time of what people are like. How they respond to others, what words they choose, what topics they choose to post about. What happens if there is disagreement.

People generally show them selves over time. Here or in a chat - if you're paying enough attention.

A whole month. That must have been torture, sorry to read that. "

. It was a little frustrating!

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

It's very easy to suggest responding to the post and not the poster but that isn't always possible if you have personal history with the poster or know that they often have a hidden agenda.

They could have a long forum history of being antagonistic or shitstirring.

There are many threads started by productive plagiarists that I refuse to comment on regardless of the topic or how strongly I feel about it because I know they are not what they seem at all.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I feel like the anonymous aspect of fab (and arguably the internet as a whole) brings out the worst in people. It's easy to project your biases and stereotypes onto a profile when a username,picture(s) and maybe a sentence or two is all you have to work out who this person is.

You have no deep understanding of what makes them tick and how they formed their views. You might agree on much more than you'd realise, you might share hobbies or love the same band.

Behind all those profiles there's complex, flawed and wonderful human beings. No doubt you'd find a way to get along in person. Perhaps you'd even like them.

I reckon we'd all do well to give people a chance to properly express themselves before we jump down their throat and assume they're the enemy.

Whatcha all reckon?

"

I think some use anonymity to release their repressed alter-ego. Some do it for mischief, some to be hateful in a way that is denied to them by social norms.

When you meet someone in the flesh you afford them much more leeway, because of those social norms. It doesn't stop you projecting your biases and stereotypes, it just prevents you sayinng them out loud because then people will 'know' you in a way that they don't wish to be known.

I try to keep an open mind about people; my first opinion of them, based on their posts, will be checked using the green arrow (not something I can do when I meet someone in the flesh) and reading subsequent posts.

I ignore whole threads if they have been started by people I know will make me feel angry. I have made a judgement - we all do. Others I engage with as I can see we have a different view but capable of remaining adults in our disagreement.

Then there is a category that can post quite hateful things (in my opinion), and I'm told that they are really nice people and it's just them being jokey/provocative/misunderstood. I choose to ignore most of those too.

Even knowing someone for years, IRL, you may not get to understand their deep motivations and what makes them tick. You just think you do. We are all flawed.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

I prefer socials, clubs and long conversations on here. You can hide all sorts of nefarious angles in a profile

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I prefer socials, clubs and long conversations on here. You can hide all sorts of nefarious angles in a profile "

I try and hide the nefarious angles by directing the gaze elsewhere (here and in the flesh).

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I prefer socials, clubs and long conversations on here. You can hide all sorts of nefarious angles in a profile

I try and hide the nefarious angles by directing the gaze elsewhere (here and in the flesh). "

Hang on, there's something in your new photo that's averting my gaze x

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