FabSwingers.com forum: Not wanting sex

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

I thought, with so many threads relating to being in a sexless relationship or whatnot I'd place a thread with reasons why I, and possibly you other folks, would comment reasons that we have not wanted sex with our significant others.

Maybe it could help people look inwardly at their relationship/partner/selves instead of searching outwardly for a temporary plaster.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

So, I have plenty.

* depression

* vitamin deficiencies

* self loathing

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By *ffinfuntMan
over a year ago

liverpool

Hey cheer up

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

*feeling taken for granted

*feeling like a second choice and that he'd rather be at the pub with mates, but I'll do coz they're not out tonight

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Hey cheer up"

I'm fine ta.

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By *ffinfuntMan
over a year ago

liverpool

Only the pub thou

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs peaches your awesome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst breastfeeding, I would sometimes feel 'touched out' because I'd had a baby and a toddler touching and climbing all over me all day.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Significant relationship problems

Contempt

Health issues

Stress

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Only the pub thou "

Are you here to discuss and offer reasons why you haven't wanted sex with your partner or just to troll me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would imagine the horn would die with an abusive childbaby partner.

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By *hirleyMan
over a year ago

somewhere

I always want sex, I'm male...

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

*he'd spoken to me like a child, made me feel worthless.

*I was grieving

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

IBS can make me not want to have sex too.

Being exhausted.

Feeling sad.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I would imagine the horn would die with an abusive childbaby partner. "

It fucking does.

Some folk don't realise they're being a childbaby mind you, or even abusive for that matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey cheer up"

Don't be a dick

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Walking on eggshells kills the libido pdq

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knowing he'd looked at other women and feeling insecure.

Feeling worried about how my body changed as I got older.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

*being belittled, or have jokes made about my weight

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By *nto the LouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

Just not being remotely horny for no apparent reason (although probably hormones!)

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

* having no interest taken in my day.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Bliss

Over tired

Over wrought

Stressed

I couldn't get out of the spiral and he wouldn't help me

So in the end.

Resentment

and that split us permanently

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would imagine the horn would die with an abusive childbaby partner.

It fucking does.

Some folk don't realise they're being a childbaby mind you, or even abusive for that matter."

When they're not abusive all the time and decent some of the time that's a real head fuck.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I went off it in a past relationship because he was quite clingy and possesive and it's hard to find that attractive. I've experienced a partner go off sex due to bereavement.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I would imagine the horn would die with an abusive childbaby partner.

It fucking does.

Some folk don't realise they're being a childbaby mind you, or even abusive for that matter.

When they're not abusive all the time and decent some of the time that's a real head fuck.

Or even seeing them being decent to other people. You know they're capable. Hell, they started out being decent to you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Scars from a previous relationship

Feeling low in self esteem

Low libido

Stress

Busyness

Would rather be out drinking cocktails with the girls

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

They stopped brushing their teeth

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

COVID

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Other half hasn't worked since covid hit. Your juices dry up when you have to provide for a man and don't get anything in return.

His days are numbered!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me in the past it has been...

Needing solitude to recharge batteries and not getting the opportunity.

Medication.

Libido being killed stone dead because ex had a man-strop about me saying no. If he'd given me an hour or two to myself without begrudging it there would have been eventual sex. The tantrums dissolved any desire I had for him.

Stress.

Hormones, especially when breastfeeding.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Made to feel less than equal. Yes, I knew my job was only part time at the time, I was making fuck all financially, but it didn't mean it had no importance.

It was important to me.

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By *hirleyMan
over a year ago

somewhere

"I always want sex, I'm male..."

On a serious note I think it's stress that makes me go off sex and my condition sometimes which are related I guess

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By *hirleyMan
over a year ago

somewhere

"Made to feel less than equal. Yes, I knew my job was only part time at the time, I was making fuck all financially, but it didn't mean it had no importance.

It was important to me."

That's possibly the worst thing someone can do

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Made to feel less than equal. Yes, I knew my job was only part time at the time, I was making fuck all financially, but it didn't mean it had no importance.

It was important to me.

That's possibly the worst thing someone can do

Beating me up, mentally abusing me, cheating on me and giving me chlamydia were also pretty shit.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Having suspicions I was being lied to.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Feeling afraid and uncertain

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

Depression for me.the antidepressants can have a big factor too

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Being told to cheer up, or to smile. Don't do that. Cheer me up, make me smile.

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By *urious-Switch81Man
over a year ago

Heanor

I found after I had a breakdown I was forcing myself to have sex to keep my partner happy as my libido was none existent..... But finding meds that work and going into therapy it's come back with a vengeance.

But for me it's when I'm depressed I lose the urge.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

"I always want sex, I'm male..."

Displays of ignorance and lack of effort to understand.

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By *r BobMan
over a year ago

Moray

"Hey cheer up"

That comment will really do a lot for someone’s mental health - jeez.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He was an extremely selfish lover.

So I just thought fuck you, have a wank mate.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Her being a abusive d*unk put me off wanting to sleep with her

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"Being told to cheer up, or to smile. Don't do that. Cheer me up, make me smile."

Making you smile is on my list of things to do

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

Lack of understanding of the female anatomy.

Continuously trying for acts that it is known the other does not find sexy.

Sex stops when he comes.

Being exhausted after work or kids or both.

Money worries.

Living in a thin walled flat

Living with parents / friends

Kids in other room.

Teenagers.

No attention or recognition throughout the day every day and then as soon as you slip exhausted into bed .... they roll over and expect you to perform the last duty of the day ......

No warm up session........

His farts stink of mince n onions

He watched a prog for two hours and expects you to be awake ....

The hideous 'porn fucks' .....

Not getting the sex you ask for ( outside of a session )

Deviating on plans/discussions ....

yada yada

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He was an extremely selfish lover.

So I just thought fuck you, have a wank mate. "

Yep, I’ve endured one of those.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

The 'repertoire' has become as familiar as breathing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Her fanny was a bit smelly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just can’t be arsed

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By *trideMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

Boredom. The same old same old. Can’t be bothered with the all-too familiar foreplay. All the fun has gone.

This could be the motivation for many couples to start swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One things for sure, having read some of the above; you can't give generic advice on a sexless relationship.

Sometimes the person who has no desire controls the relationship and decides the other has to live without, and sometimes it's the self indulgent individual who can't see beyond what they demand.

One things for sure; bitching about it won't resolve anything for anyone?

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

" One things for sure, having read some of the above; you can't give generic advice on a sexless relationship.

Sometimes the person who has no desire controls the relationship and decides the other has to live without, and sometimes it's the self indulgent individual who can't see beyond what they demand.

One things for sure; bitching about it won't resolve anything for anyone?"

Well you can give some generic advice. Communicate. Be honest and show compassion.

It's when one or both parties isn't honest or doesn't listen that it doesn't stand a chance of resolving the situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had just had a baby

Tired

Felt totally uncomfortable with my body

Up all night with baby and no sleep

Sick child

Being pestered for it when I just wanted a bit of time to myself.

Being made to feel guilty for not wanting it when he did at that exact moment.

Stress

Him being a general dick head who I had no desire to have sex with anymore.

Pxx

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

They don't love or even like you any more, even though you've done everything you can to please them.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

They have someone new who makes them feel wanted and special.

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
over a year ago

Markfield

I went off having sex with each previous partner when trust became an issue.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

" One things for sure, having read some of the above; you can't give generic advice on a sexless relationship.

Sometimes the person who has no desire controls the relationship and decides the other has to live without, and sometimes it's the self indulgent individual who can't see beyond what they demand.

One things for sure; bitching about it won't resolve anything for anyone?"

I'm not bitching.

I did this to open people's eyes to the multiple reasons people have not wanted sex.

People are quick to blame their partner for going cold.

In most if not all cases their partner has gone cold for a reason.

I just wanted people to be aware. Surely awareness is a good thing and can open up lines of discussion. Perhaps the awareness will give one person the confidence to talk to their partner. Perhaps it will give one person the confidence to seek counselling.

If helps one single solitary person, then it's served it's purpose.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

" One things for sure, having read some of the above; you can't give generic advice on a sexless relationship.

Sometimes the person who has no desire controls the relationship and decides the other has to live without, and sometimes it's the self indulgent individual who can't see beyond what they demand.

One things for sure; bitching about it won't resolve anything for anyone?"

Providing reasons for others who might be struggling might be useful, from those of us who've done something about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" One things for sure, having read some of the above; you can't give generic advice on a sexless relationship.

Sometimes the person who has no desire controls the relationship and decides the other has to live without, and sometimes it's the self indulgent individual who can't see beyond what they demand.

One things for sure; bitching about it won't resolve anything for anyone?

I'm not bitching.

I did this to open people's eyes to the multiple reasons people have not wanted sex.

People are quick to blame their partner for going cold.

In most if not all cases their partner has gone cold for a reason.

If helps one single solitary person, then it's served it's purpose."

No one said you were.

It's reference to those experiencing a relationship like that. Talk, leave, act, get support....anything but sitting there batching.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a carer for a terminally ill person, this leads to

Tiredness

Sleep deprivation

Constant worry

Lack of opportunity to deal with personal sickness

Constant anxiety

Unreasonable anger

Occasional impotence

These all lead to a lessening of the libido in my case.

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By *iggingMan
over a year ago

Oldham

Sometimes it's not that I don't want sex( we all do). But unfortunately due to medical problems there is a good chance I couldn't perform.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

" One things for sure, having read some of the above; you can't give generic advice on a sexless relationship.

Sometimes the person who has no desire controls the relationship and decides the other has to live without, and sometimes it's the self indulgent individual who can't see beyond what they demand.

One things for sure; bitching about it won't resolve anything for anyone?

I'm not bitching.

I did this to open people's eyes to the multiple reasons people have not wanted sex.

People are quick to blame their partner for going cold.

In most if not all cases their partner has gone cold for a reason.

If helps one single solitary person, then it's served it's purpose.

No one said you were.

It's reference to those experiencing a relationship like that. Talk, leave, act, get support....anything but sitting there batching."

Ah with ya, my apologies I took it as you had an issue with the thread as it sounded like people were moaning.

But yeah you're right. Those situations won't resolve themselves from out of nowhere. Even if it's something like a healthier diet to give more energy, it's a "something".

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Sometimes it's not that I don't want sex( we all do). But unfortunately due to medical problems there is a good chance I couldn't perform. "

We don't all want sex tho, that's the entire point of the thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes it's not that I don't want sex( we all do). But unfortunately due to medical problems there is a good chance I couldn't perform.

We don't all want sex tho, that's the entire point of the thread."

Yeah, I very rarely want it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having my boundaries trashed when he wanted to do things I didn’t.

Being made to feel guilty if I didn’t want sex when he did.

Being treated like a doll who should look like barbie every day

Emotional abuse

Towards the end a serious lack of hygiene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/07/22 19:58:56]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I thought, with so many threads relating to being in a sexless relationship or whatnot I'd place a thread with reasons why I, and possibly you other folks, would comment reasons that we have not wanted sex with our significant others.

Maybe it could help people look inwardly at their relationship/partner/selves instead of searching outwardly for a temporary plaster."
i had 2 of them for about 2 years and it put my once legendary sex drive on its arse

Smashing peoples ribs has helped bring me up but i do have my days of darkness still wishing on stars and cursing the universe and my ultimate enemy father time the old smelly cunt

Also long covid tried to kill my hardons for 4 months at one point that didnt help either fucking virus life spoiling wanking hut bastard

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Post natal depression

Chronic illness

Medication

Stress

Abuse

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Hormones/monthly cycle

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By *iss MaverickWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

" One things for sure, having read some of the above; you can't give generic advice on a sexless relationship.

Sometimes the person who has no desire controls the relationship and decides the other has to live without, and sometimes it's the self indulgent individual who can't see beyond what they demand.

One things for sure; bitching about it won't resolve anything for anyone?"
totally this

although think it’s more about raising awareness that it’s not as simple as some make it out to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Selfish lover out for his own needs and to heck with mine

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By *he MuffinmanMan
over a year ago

West Gloucestershire

"Only the pub thou "

You’re not helping with twatty responses like that

Especially as it portrays you in not a gode light

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By *he MuffinmanMan
over a year ago

West Gloucestershire

" One things for sure, having read some of the above; you can't give generic advice on a sexless relationship.

Sometimes the person who has no desire controls the relationship and decides the other has to live without, and sometimes it's the self indulgent individual who can't see beyond what they demand.

One things for sure; bitching about it won't resolve anything for anyone?

I'm not bitching.

I did this to open people's eyes to the multiple reasons people have not wanted sex.

People are quick to blame their partner for going cold.

In most if not all cases their partner has gone cold for a reason.

If helps one single solitary person, then it's served it's purpose."

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By *he MuffinmanMan
over a year ago

West Gloucestershire

Maybe it could help people look inwardly at their relationship/partner/selves instead of searching outwardly for a temporary plaster."

Well, I just had to browse your profile and I just have to say that despite the hurt and hardship that you have had to endure. I feel that you appear to have come out of it the stronger and better person.

You ooze confidence, spirt and sexuality

One of the sexiest things a woman can wear is confidence.

It is your partners/ex-partners loss in a big way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He didn't find me attractive but still wanted sex, just the mechanics of it though. We split and my feelings disappeared, he demanded to come back but I cant find those feelings again. There is no tingle, flutter, pull, want from me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of the sexless threads say leave,don't cheat, you're a bad person but the intricates of a relationship are complicated and people use sex as a weapon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dibilitating disability

Not be made to feel attractive in any way

Always putting me down

Just to tired sometimes

Work issues

Relationship issues

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

Mental health

Juggling looking after small babies and putting everyone else first and being exhausted.

Grief .

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By *r AnalyticMan
over a year ago

Nuneaton

People will judge why some will find some other to have sex with but don't want to leave there other half.

Unless you walk in that person's shoes and living relationship you wouldn't understand.

Menopause or erectile dysfunction is one of the reasons people seek sex.

They may love and enjoy each other and live a very happy life but menopause or

erectile dysfunction does close the bedroom.

There is a difference between sex and making love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People will judge why some will find some other to have sex with but don't want to leave there other half.

Unless you walk in that person's shoes and living relationship you wouldn't understand.

Menopause or erectile dysfunction is one of the reasons people seek sex.

They may love and enjoy each other and live a very happy life but menopause or

erectile dysfunction does close the bedroom.

There is a difference between sex and making love.

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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

I stopped trusting how they felt about me, due to their behaviour toward me... Not because I thought they were cheating, trust is way more than that... As soon as I no longer trust someone, I cut the off. No more fucking about

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"People will judge why some will find some other to have sex with but don't want to leave there other half.

Unless you walk in that person's shoes and living relationship you wouldn't understand.

Menopause or erectile dysfunction is one of the reasons people seek sex.

They may love and enjoy each other and live a very happy life but menopause or

erectile dysfunction does close the bedroom.

There is a difference between sex and making love.

I don't deny either of those things. Biggest problem with both of those is like most of the other issues. Lack of communication, patience and understanding or willingness to learn and understand.

I've walked in the shoes of the person who didn't want sex onany occasions.

I've walked in the shoes of the person who DID try to discuss issues, but got berated, shut down, belittled, made to feel worthless, called names, etc.

I've also walked in the shoes of the person who's been lied to and cheated on.

We all have experiences.

We've all been through different things.

Talking about them doesn't hurt anyone.

Talking about them can make other people feel less lonely about their experiences.

You're totally correct, there is a difference between making love and having sex.

There is also a difference between honesty and dishonesty.

Sometimes to remain in a relationship with a person you love there needs to be compromise. There cannot however be compromise if no discussion or communication takes place, which seems to be incredibly common.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having every attempt to share an intimate moment rejected or ignored for days then, when she wanted it, being expected to suddenly be aroused plus do all the work. No thanks, I'll pretend to sleep until you give up.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Any type of abuse.

Him just doing it anyway.

Him playing away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everything in the relationship being on his terms.

Not being taken out for over a year, asking and nothing happens, till eventually losing your shit completely.

Being taken for granted.

Making no effort at all on any issues I had communicated to him in a gentle way. Or a stronger way when gentle had no affect.

Not being bothered when I was unhappy and brushing it under the carpet.

Starting sex, then totally stopping and rolling over to go to sleep and not doing anything for days/weeks after, often stopping at a point where I really didn't want to.....you know the point just before no return.

Belittling comments.

Wanting to watch TV and stay up hideously late and then want sex regardless of if I was working, pregnant, breast feeding and so on.

Not wanting to use a condom, being on birth control, having an ectopic pregnancy and when he hardly wanted sex anyway. (yes I'm bitter on that one)

Going sex therapy and nothing changes at all.

But the one that did it the most was resentment. That kills a libido dead and it just doesn't come back. To the point where you just cringe at the thought of it. That's when you leave and get out. I didn't, I still tried to make it work which was absolutely fruitless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you're told your sex drive is too high and abnormal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being made to feel fat and unattractive, funnily enough I shed 8 stone after having him out of my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Being made to feel fat and unattractive, funnily enough I shed 8 stone after having him out of my life."

And looking fabulous May I say

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By *merican WomanWoman
over a year ago

live by the Pool xx

I feel your pain x

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

Lowering of personal hygiene standards, and no longer taking a pride in personal appearance, when I srub up, maintain standards, and make the effort to look good at all times, as well as becoming lazy is what kills it everytime with me in LTR's

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Similar to many on the thread

Being taken for granted

“Paint by numbers” sex

Being constantly put down about everything but especially how I looked after having our child inc repeatedly in front of others friends and strangers - then last thing at night expected to turn on

Being exhausted from looking after our child and running the home and working while he did bugger all

But I’m going to add one I don’t THINK has been included yet but affects many male and female -

Physical pain due to conditions affecting the reproductive system.

I have endo, he knew this and knew he had to be considerate in certain ways (vwe) and he just didn’t give a shit near the end. Left me in agony at times and couldn’t care less

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Great idea.

I find women go off sex when they go off the person and it just spirals because the man then feels like he’s being punished, so stops doing the little things like compliments , little gifts , helping around the house etc.

It’s quite easy to fix for the guy , often you simply just have to just swallow your pride and start treating her like you did when you first met and you find find it magically spirals back !

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By *ndiiiMan
over a year ago

Paisley Scotland

[Removed by poster at 15/07/22 09:03:00]

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Being disrespectful to my child. I grew that child inside my body, and now you want to enter that body. Erm... no.

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

"Only the pub thou

Are you here to discuss and offer reasons why you haven't wanted sex with your partner or just to troll me?"

The latter sadly it would seem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depression

Fear

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Only the pub thou

Are you here to discuss and offer reasons why you haven't wanted sex with your partner or just to troll me?

The latter sadly it would seem. "

Aye, seems so.

What may be "only the pub" for one person may actually be much bigger for the person at home/work. When the "only the pub" was 6 out of 7 nights, when it was him drink driving home, when it was pretending to be asleep when he got back so he didn't start a fight, when it was the housework being left for me for when I got home from work, when it was the decorating that needed doing not getting done and if I went to do it being told I wasn't allowed, when it was the money being spent there needing to go on other things, when it was feelings of abandonment becauseit was my only night off that week therefore the only time we would reasonably have together..... it really was more than "only the pub"

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

When I needed to leave for work, and it would have made me late.

All fun and games until it impacts your earnings and gives you a tardy mark against your name.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only the pub thou

Are you here to discuss and offer reasons why you haven't wanted sex with your partner or just to troll me?

The latter sadly it would seem.

Aye, seems so.

Hey pp all this is proof of what you've gained and all the good you have now. All the opposite of this.

Go to sleep when you want. Decorate if you want. No-one telling you you're shit.

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