FabSwingers.com forum: The big C

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know this seems an odd place to post something like this but I’m struggling and thought I’d ask how other people got through similar situations.

Last night I found out that my old man has been diagnosed with cancer. Not just a simple stage 1, he’s gone the whole hog and is at stage 4. I’ve shot up north to see him and he seems ok but I’m falling apart inside. I don’t dare Google it as I don’t think I want to see what it says

Has anyone else had someone close to them diagnosed with this and what did you do to cope. I’m terrified of living in a world without my dad!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Similar. Just do whatever you can to spend time together. Everything else can wait for another day. Good luck and best wishes to you and your family

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks pal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been where you are. All I can say is make the best of any opportunities to spend time together. Take videos, audio as I don’t have those of my Dad and I’d love to hear his voice again.

Does your Dad have a Macmillan nurse? As they can be very helpful for the whole family. Feel free to send a private massage if you’d rather and would like to talk more.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

You could try and look on the positive side and be thankful that you have had a dad until you are 43 or older. Spend as much time with him now as you can and be grateful you have time to tell him how much you love him.Talk about happy times together with him. Sending you strength and support.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been where you are. All I can say is make the best of any opportunities to spend time together. Take videos, audio as I don’t have those of my Dad and I’d love to hear his voice again.

Does your Dad have a Macmillan nurse? As they can be very helpful for the whole family. Feel free to send a private massage if you’d rather and would like to talk more. "

Good lucky trying to get a MacMillan nurse

Never ever available or return calls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Arghhhh love that horrific. Sending love and strength xx

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By *ay731973Man
over a year ago

Peterborough

A friend of mine I've known for over 30 years was recently diagnosed with breast cancer it's ripped her family in pieces all you can do if give your Dad as much support as you can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d definitely advise reaching out to MacMillan for support, they have a range of services to support family members.

So sorry OP.

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

"I know this seems an odd place to post something like this but I’m struggling and thought I’d ask how other people got through similar situations.

Has anyone else had someone close to them diagnosed with this and what did you do to cope. I’m terrified of living in a world without my dad! "

Had this happen with both my parents in 2019… and honestly, whatever you’re feeling and scared of, they are feeling it even worse and need your support.

Ask him what he needs, how you can help and just spend time together doing as much as they can/want. This could be the last time you get a chance to

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I know this seems an odd place to post something like this but I’m struggling and thought I’d ask how other people got through similar situations.

Has anyone else had someone close to them diagnosed with this and what did you do to cope. I’m terrified of living in a world without my dad!

Had this happen with both my parents in 2019… and honestly, whatever you’re feeling and scared of, they are feeling it even worse and need your support.

Ask him what he needs, how you can help and just spend time together doing as much as they can/want. This could be the last time you get a chance to "

I’ll try and help all I can. It’s a bit tricky as I live in London now and my parents live up north. I think I need to take some time off work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks pal"

Feel for you mate. Good luck xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know this seems an odd place to post something like this but I’m struggling and thought I’d ask how other people got through similar situations.

Has anyone else had someone close to them diagnosed with this and what did you do to cope. I’m terrified of living in a world without my dad!

Had this happen with both my parents in 2019… and honestly, whatever you’re feeling and scared of, they are feeling it even worse and need your support.

Ask him what he needs, how you can help and just spend time together doing as much as they can/want. This could be the last time you get a chance to "

Superb advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP message me. I am currently caring for my dad who is end of life with prostate cancer. He has managed it for about 17 years but its finally caught up with him.

I didn't know about it for many years until it was getting worse and he couldn't hide the fact that he needed chemo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been where you are. All I can say is make the best of any opportunities to spend time together. Take videos, audio as I don’t have those of my Dad and I’d love to hear his voice again.

Does your Dad have a Macmillan nurse? As they can be very helpful for the whole family. Feel free to send a private massage if you’d rather and would like to talk more.

Good lucky trying to get a MacMillan nurse

Never ever available or return calls "

totally wrong these MacMillan nurse work way harder than any normal nurse i did a 6 week placement with them years ago as part of my training there focus is a on the person with cancer and b immediate family .... these nurse's are the super man of the nursing profession i learnt so much from them so much that after i did my nursing i went on to do my mental health nursing too ...

the problem is theres not enough thats not down to the charity thats down to the tight wallets of political parties now and past blue and red

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know this seems an odd place to post something like this but I’m struggling and thought I’d ask how other people got through similar situations.

Has anyone else had someone close to them diagnosed with this and what did you do to cope. I’m terrified of living in a world without my dad! "

Focus on the now. He’s still here. As strange as it sounds worrying about what will happen will rob you - and more importantly him - of the time you both have. Take some time off work. Go stay nearby (give him space, he needs to process this and may want to do that without his son seeing that bit). And look after yourself. Neglecting yourself won’t help the situation.

I’m not religious, but someone told me we are all on loan and eventually our maker wants us home. I like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get as much support as you can!

My mum died of cancer a few years back, it’s not easy loosing a parent but we get there, be kind to yourself

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

We have both had cancer and my mum died from it.

Get any help you need, talk to people, don't worry about having a cry showing your feelings.

Most importantly tell your dad you love him while you can.

We both missed that opportunity when our mums died.

Big hugs things are hard however it does get easier.

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

I’m really sorry to here this xx

T was diagnosed with stage 3 non-Hodgkins about 6 years ago. All clear now & I am so grateful.

Macmillan we’re absolutely amazing - start with their website. They even gave us a grant so we could have a short break away & made some amazing memories xx

J x

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

"We have both had cancer and my mum died from it.

Get any help you need, talk to people, don't worry about having a cry showing your feelings.

Most importantly tell your dad you love him while you can.

We both missed that opportunity when our mums died.

Big hugs things are hard however it does get easier. "

xxx

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

" Take videos, audio as I don’t have those of my Dad and I’d love to hear his voice again.

. "

This, this and more this. Not cancer related but My dad died with dementia and my mum died of natural causes.

Anyhow my Niece sent over a video of her kids at my Mum and Dads house, and to hear natural daily conversations, tellings off and naggings was amazing and deeply emotional.

I'd nearly say voice over images.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not speak to MacMillian, they were so helpfull.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi OP, I am sorry to hear this news. My thoughts are with you and your father. Take it one day at a time, and just focus on helping your dad to be as comfortable as he can.

No need to think of and fear the future, which is easily said than done I know. Just focus on what you can do, what your dad needs and give yourself a moment to absorb this emotional change.

Plus you can reach out for support, you have reached out by creating this thread and I hope as time goes on you can continue to update us, and use it as a very small outlet for yourself.

Take care

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've pm'd you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck with whatever this is about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife died of osophageal cancer in 2012 couldn’t bear her going to hospital so cared for her at home I cared for her till her dying breath she knew I loved her and I did all I can to help her

In the end that’s all most of us can do may be a cliche but tell him now how you feel don’t leave it till to late

Respect and good wishes to you and father

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By *unky_Fab_FellaMan
over a year ago

Nr Boston

"I know this seems an odd place to post something like this but I’m struggling and thought I’d ask how other people got through ...."

Im going through this right now, but my dad lives close by. Diagnosed terminal in January.

We will get through this mate

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was really unsure about posting my issue on here but I’m so glad I did now.

I’ve had some really great messages and great advise.

Thank you all so much. You’ve kind of taken the edge off it a bit and made my outlook a little more positive. I will be taking the advice I’ve received

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know this seems an odd place to post something like this but I’m struggling and thought I’d ask how other people got through similar situations.

Has anyone else had someone close to them diagnosed with this and what did you do to cope. I’m terrified of living in a world without my dad! "

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal prostate cancer 5 years ago and was given 12 - 18 months. 3 years ago he was in a hospice family had come from all over to his bedside while the priest gave his last rights. Somehow he made it through that night and is still with us for how much longer now I don't know.

Having this extra time has allowed me to really appreciate so much him meeting my wife attending our wedding and meeting our 2 baby's.

He now has dementia vascular and the cancer has spread significantly but some how he fights on, he has the old school British mentally though of always getting back.

Whilst it's been hard I'm at the stage now where I've made peace with it and he has more than earned his rest when the say comes. My good mate lost his Dad in a freak accident which left so much unresolved so I'd rather my experience to that.

It's been harder on my brother living in Wales (my dad is local to me in Teesside).

If you wanna talk PM me.

KJ Mr

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I lost my dad to cancer ,so I'm sending massive hugs your way.

I work in healthcare so kind of knew what to expect

It is frightening for you both,try and stay strong when you're with him and spend as much time as you can together .

I hope you can make some memories together.x

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Also don't be afraid to ask for support for you too.

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