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trust/mistrust

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Do you (personally) trust or mistrust other people because of how *you* would act in a certain situation or because of how you think *they* would?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need a little space to work this out.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Or (just thought of this) because of how other people have behaved in the past

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By *carlet_woman_xxWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

Sometimes I trust too much and believe their crap. Other times I don't trust at all

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I mistrust because I expect them not to behave they way I would.

It's very hard for me not to set high expectations on people's behaviour, so I expect the worst and embrace being occasionally happily surprised

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Or (just thought of this) because of how other people have behaved in the past"

This. I try not to judge people by the actions of others but sometimes there's patterns.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Or (just thought of this) because of how other people have behaved in the past

This. I try not to judge people by the actions of others but sometimes there's patterns. "

Very true. I tend to mistrust randomly.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"Do you (personally) trust or mistrust other people because of how *you* would act in a certain situation or because of how you think *they* would?

"

Can you give an example?

Do you mean that would I trust someone because I would wear a condom, but then mistrust them because I think they wouldn’t?

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By *inkycatWoman
over a year ago

High Wycombe

I’ve always felt vaguely uneasy about my son’s girlfriend because (as I said to my daughters when he brought her home) she “wasn’t our sort of person” and I had a concern she might trap him. My daughters said I was maybe being unfair.

Since she’s just told him she’s having an unplanned pregnancy (he believed she was on the pill and he’s been with her a while now) and won’t contemplate a termination it seems I was right

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Do you (personally) trust or mistrust other people because of how *you* would act in a certain situation or because of how you think *they* would?

Can you give an example?

Do you mean that would I trust someone because I would wear a condom, but then mistrust them because I think they wouldn’t?"

I notice that some people trust everyone. Is that because they themselves are trustworthy and wouldn't imagine someone else not being or is it because they've never encountered anyone else who's broken their trust. So if a woman saw her partner talking to another woman they wouldn't immediately think something was going on.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I’ve always felt vaguely uneasy about my son’s girlfriend because (as I said to my daughters when he brought her home) she “wasn’t our sort of person” and I had a concern she might trap him. My daughters said I was maybe being unfair.

Since she’s just told him she’s having an unplanned pregnancy (he believed she was on the pill and he’s been with her a while now) and won’t contemplate a termination it seems I was right

"

I don't believe it's some you'd do have you've encountered someone else who's done it?

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By *inkycatWoman
over a year ago

High Wycombe


"I’ve always felt vaguely uneasy about my son’s girlfriend because (as I said to my daughters when he brought her home) she “wasn’t our sort of person” and I had a concern she might trap him. My daughters said I was maybe being unfair.

Since she’s just told him she’s having an unplanned pregnancy (he believed she was on the pill and he’s been with her a while now) and won’t contemplate a termination it seems I was right

I don't believe it's some you'd do have you've encountered someone else who's done it? "

When I was at school a couple of girls from a less nice part of my home town were pregnant in Year 11 by lads in our year. I had a similar vibe from my son’s girlfriend, even told him at the beginning o thought he should be careful. Gutted I haven’t been able to save him from the situation

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I’ve always felt vaguely uneasy about my son’s girlfriend because (as I said to my daughters when he brought her home) she “wasn’t our sort of person” and I had a concern she might trap him. My daughters said I was maybe being unfair.

Since she’s just told him she’s having an unplanned pregnancy (he believed she was on the pill and he’s been with her a while now) and won’t contemplate a termination it seems I was right

I don't believe it's some you'd do have you've encountered someone else who's done it?

When I was at school a couple of girls from a less nice part of my home town were pregnant in Year 11 by lads in our year. I had a similar vibe from my son’s girlfriend, even told him at the beginning o thought he should be careful. Gutted I haven’t been able to save him from the situation "

Hope things work out for them all, especially the baby

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I used to trust almost everyone.

Now I trust that peoples behaviour will be self serving and I simply don't know their intentions or motivations, whether good or bad.

I also trust that we have differing morals so what I could see as insidious behaviour may be their everyday normal, and nothing to write home about.

I do believe there really are people in this world who are trustworthy and have good hearts. But I don't trust me not to confuse the not so good hearted with them on surface level and get out before any damage is done.

So no, not only do I not trust others, I don't trust myself either.

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By *inkycatWoman
over a year ago

High Wycombe


"I’ve always felt vaguely uneasy about my son’s girlfriend because (as I said to my daughters when he brought her home) she “wasn’t our sort of person” and I had a concern she might trap him. My daughters said I was maybe being unfair.

Since she’s just told him she’s having an unplanned pregnancy (he believed she was on the pill and he’s been with her a while now) and won’t contemplate a termination it seems I was right

I don't believe it's some you'd do have you've encountered someone else who's done it?

When I was at school a couple of girls from a less nice part of my home town were pregnant in Year 11 by lads in our year. I had a similar vibe from my son’s girlfriend, even told him at the beginning o thought he should be careful. Gutted I haven’t been able to save him from the situation

Hope things work out for them all, especially the baby "

Thank you. I think there are going to be some difficult conversations to come

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I used to trust almost everyone.

Now I trust that peoples behaviour will be self serving and I simply don't know their intentions or motivations, whether good or bad.

I also trust that we have differing morals so what I could see as insidious behaviour may be their everyday normal, and nothing to write home about.

I do believe there really are people in this world who are trustworthy and have good hearts. But I don't trust me not to confuse the not so good hearted with them on surface level and get out before any damage is done.

So no, not only do I not trust others, I don't trust myself either."

From what little iof know of you and what you've said here that's because of how people have behaved towards you rather than any innate sense of mistrust you have

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds


"Or (just thought of this) because of how other people have behaved in the past"

If they've behaved badly in the past then yes there's element of mistrust until they've proven themselves otherwise.

Mrs

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I used to trust almost everyone.

Now I trust that peoples behaviour will be self serving and I simply don't know their intentions or motivations, whether good or bad.

I also trust that we have differing morals so what I could see as insidious behaviour may be their everyday normal, and nothing to write home about.

I do believe there really are people in this world who are trustworthy and have good hearts. But I don't trust me not to confuse the not so good hearted with them on surface level and get out before any damage is done.

So no, not only do I not trust others, I don't trust myself either.

From what little iof know of you and what you've said here that's because of how people have behaved towards you rather than any innate sense of mistrust you have"

Undoubtedly.

But, they treated me that way coz I "allowed" it. Now, as a child I guess I allowed it because I had to, no choice in the matter, you're born to who you're born to and I guess I had 3 choices.

1) run away

2) suicide

3) move out as soon as able.

I chose option 3.

But.... it defo shaped my subconscious into being a wanker magnet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, my behaviour is totally shapped by a bad past relationship. How I act, what I do and what I say. I think about it all, not everyone will be like them but their effect will take a while to forget ingrained habits generated through what is essentially fear and coercion.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I used to trust almost everyone.

Now I trust that peoples behaviour will be self serving and I simply don't know their intentions or motivations, whether good or bad.

I also trust that we have differing morals so what I could see as insidious behaviour may be their everyday normal, and nothing to write home about.

I do believe there really are people in this world who are trustworthy and have good hearts. But I don't trust me not to confuse the not so good hearted with them on surface level and get out before any damage is done.

So no, not only do I not trust others, I don't trust myself either.

From what little iof know of you and what you've said here that's because of how people have behaved towards you rather than any innate sense of mistrust you have

Undoubtedly.

But, they treated me that way coz I "allowed" it. Now, as a child I guess I allowed it because I had to, no choice in the matter, you're born to who you're born to and I guess I had 3 choices.

1) run away

2) suicide

3) move out as soon as able.

I chose option 3.

But.... it defo shaped my subconscious into being a wanker magnet."

I meant to phrase my reply as a question not to faux psycho analyse you .

I don't think you can help your childhood. You're very self aware in my opinion though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need a little space to work this out."

Its funny how quick the milk turns sour, isn't it?

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By *orthwhile27Man
over a year ago

dark side of the moon

I trust everyone until there's a reason not to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a trusting person, until I need to not be. And that’s individual, I don’t treat the next person for anyone else’s actions against me. Yea it leaves me vulnerable, but for me to be always second guessing someone isn’t fair on them.

And that’s how I would want to be treated.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I'm on the whole a trusting person and just deal with it if the trust is then broken. If I'm not thinking about the situation then yes I probably would be more trusting if I would behave well in that situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to trust anyone until they show me otherwise , it's not a strategy I'd recommend on this site though lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need a little space to work this out.

Its funny how quick the milk turns sour, isn't it? "

Sad into unsad

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

Interesting post, thank you OP

Personally I like to think I trust/mistrust on a case by case basis.

If someone does something in a way that's not how I do it, I just accept the difference. Unless they are lying or acting criminally of course.

If a man gets easily angered then my experiences scream that I cannot trust this person.

KM

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Or (just thought of this) because of how other people have behaved in the past"

Probably this. I don't think I know what trust is/ means.

Perhaps both sides see trust differently.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I used to trust almost everyone.

Now I trust that peoples behaviour will be self serving and I simply don't know their intentions or motivations, whether good or bad.

I also trust that we have differing morals so what I could see as insidious behaviour may be their everyday normal, and nothing to write home about.

I do believe there really are people in this world who are trustworthy and have good hearts. But I don't trust me not to confuse the not so good hearted with them on surface level and get out before any damage is done.

So no, not only do I not trust others, I don't trust myself either.

From what little iof know of you and what you've said here that's because of how people have behaved towards you rather than any innate sense of mistrust you have

Undoubtedly.

But, they treated me that way coz I "allowed" it. Now, as a child I guess I allowed it because I had to, no choice in the matter, you're born to who you're born to and I guess I had 3 choices.

1) run away

2) suicide

3) move out as soon as able.

I chose option 3.

But.... it defo shaped my subconscious into being a wanker magnet.

I meant to phrase my reply as a question not to faux psycho analyse you .

I don't think you can help your childhood. You're very self aware in my opinion though "

I know ya dafty

I'm self aware to a degree.

I know what I need to change, but don't know how to, or whether I really do want to. I'm now in the "safe" zone which yes, whilst it's "safe" it will eventually get incredibly lonely I don't doubt.

So, having thought about it for a diddy few minutes I'm gonna make an educated (very poorly and only based on experience) guess.

I think, at the core, it all comes down to unhealthy coping strategies and an inability to process emotions in a healthy way. I don't know many people who had great parents who genuinely taught them how to process emotion. That's because they didn't know themselves. They can't be blamed for not knowing.

So, from not being able to process emotions, from not having a safe place to do so (ie a happy healthy home where you weren't told to "man up", to "stop crying before I give you something to cry about" or being punished for having human emotions) we had to have those emotions in secret or things would get worse.

So, we become secretive.

We look for attention in unhealthy places. Problem is, the people we get the attention from also don't know how to process effectively and healthily so in some cases you'll become a tool, prey even.

I'll use cheating as an example. I know it's bad and we all know how strongly I feel about it. But, I do believe in most cases the person cheats because they haven't learned how to process the emotions they're having in a healthy way. I think if most knew the outcome amd turmoil created by it they'd definitely think with their big head rather than the little one. Truth be known, they're afraid.

Back to self serving. Fix the immediate rather than the long term, because we simply don't know HOW to fix a lifetime of hidden complex unhealthy coping strategies.

Self harm, that's another. It ain't gonna fix anything, but does give temporary relief in a moment where we cannot process or express. To me, self harm was expression of an emotion I had to do in secret.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I don't think I trust many people fully I can count the amount on one fingers of one hand. But they are people I trust completely and I know the feeling is mutual.

It takes time to build my trust up in someone and once it's gone I will never fully trust them again.

It has nothing to do though with people reacting to situations different because that's just life and everyone is different.

On here I've trusted someone who I thought was a friend only to find they have shared my private information and face pics with others.They are someone I will never trust again.

When I was younger I was more trusting of new people I met but as I've gotten older I have realised that I'm better off taking my time to get to know someone before I will and not to ignore my gut feeling about anyone. Or maybe I've just become cynical either way I prefer to have a handful of people I do trust than a lot of people who break it.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

My trust in someone is based on their behaviour

If I don't know them, I wouldn't place my trust blindly

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London


"Perhaps both sides see trust differently. "

I think people in general see it differently.

Some time ago I had a message from a married man, wife unaware, despite my profile saying I didn't want to meet any attached men.

He tried to convince me that I could trust him because he had been honest with me because he had admitted me he was married.

What he felt made him honest, I saw as complete dishonesty because his wife didn't know

KM

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No but I don't automatically trust people either. Trust is earnt not just given. I will superficially trust someone enough to be in their company etc and I try not to judge by others past mistakes but I'm human and not infallible.

Pxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mistrust first if a new person then when I think they,ve proved themselves I begin to trust I've been sh*t on so many times in life this is why I "act" the way I do

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By *p4it6969500Man
over a year ago

burton

I trust a person 100 per cent until they betray my trust in them and try to take me for an idiot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Or (just thought of this) because of how other people have behaved in the past"

Because of an ex BF I now no longer fully trust someone. Even if he’s stated he likes me, he wants to see me again etc I still think, what’s he doing who is he talking too, why is he not getting in touch…. I’m trying not to be like that, but this ex really did a nasty one on me.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Do you (personally) trust or mistrust other people because of how *you* would act in a certain situation or because of how you think *they* would?

"

That’s a really interesting tale on trust , I think probably some truth in it, people who mistrust are either reflecting their own flaws or past pain.

For me trust is given freely until it’s broken, but loyalty and respect is earned.

I don’t understand this “trust has to earned” thing, if you start a new job and don’t know any one and automatically distrusted all your colleagues, you would not get very far.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Do you (personally) trust or mistrust other people because of how *you* would act in a certain situation or because of how you think *they* would?

That’s a really interesting tale on trust , I think probably some truth in it, people who mistrust are either reflecting their own flaws or past pain.

For me trust is given freely until it’s broken, but loyalty and respect is earned.

I don’t understand this “trust has to earned” thing, if you start a new job and don’t know any one and automatically distrusted all your colleagues, you would not get very far. "

My abusive ex used to accuse me of stuff I couldn't comprehend. That's because it was stuff he could and would do. So yes, in some cases they don't trust because of their behaviour. It really can be a tell tale, and them sobbing themselves in.

As you say, at the other end of the scale you've people who've been burned so badly, they struggle to trust from then on.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I learned at a young age that not everyone was as trustworthy as I believed myself to be but I still have most people the benefit of the doubt.

As I've gotten older I've become more cynical and since joining fab that cynicism has gone to the next level.

There are a few people I trust but fewer still that I would trust implicitly.

I've given the benefit of the doubt to some on here that I truly believed were simply misguided friends but once I saw how it was all an act and they were more than comfortable using my friendship and personal details as currency to feather their nest with others I removed them completely from my life.

As much as I can currently see them doing exactly the same with others I don't trust those others enough to warn them and to be perfectly honest I live in hope that they all perish on the same rock.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Do you (personally) trust or mistrust other people because of how *you* would act in a certain situation or because of how you think *they* would?

That’s a really interesting tale on trust , I think probably some truth in it, people who mistrust are either reflecting their own flaws or past pain.

For me trust is given freely until it’s broken, but loyalty and respect is earned.

I don’t understand this “trust has to earned” thing, if you start a new job and don’t know any one and automatically distrusted all your colleagues, you would not get very far.

My abusive ex used to accuse me of stuff I couldn't comprehend. That's because it was stuff he could and would do. So yes, in some cases they don't trust because of their behaviour. It really can be a tell tale, and them sobbing themselves in.

As you say, at the other end of the scale you've people who've been burned so badly, they struggle to trust from then on."

One of the reasons I trust (and ignore anything negative others tell me about a person) is I think deep down all people are good & how you view them and treat them influences how they act

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I learned at a young age that not everyone was as trustworthy as I believed myself to be but I still have most people the benefit of the doubt.

As I've gotten older I've become more cynical and since joining fab that cynicism has gone to the next level.

There are a few people I trust but fewer still that I would trust implicitly.

I've given the benefit of the doubt to some on here that I truly believed were simply misguided friends but once I saw how it was all an act and they were more than comfortable using my friendship and personal details as currency to feather their nest with others I removed them completely from my life.

As much as I can currently see them doing exactly the same with others I don't trust those others enough to warn them and to be perfectly honest I live in hope that they all perish on the same rock. "

Disheartening isn't it.

Honestly the threads and bullshit I see when I log on do zero to make me want to open myself up to anyone again, even "just" for a shag, but it's the truth of the world that we live in and I think my rose tinted glasses of humanity (thinking you must be lottery winning unlucky to come across people with bad intentions) falling off and landing in the fantasy section allowed me to see the bullshit and hurt.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Do you (personally) trust or mistrust other people because of how *you* would act in a certain situation or because of how you think *they* would?

That’s a really interesting tale on trust , I think probably some truth in it, people who mistrust are either reflecting their own flaws or past pain.

For me trust is given freely until it’s broken, but loyalty and respect is earned.

I don’t understand this “trust has to earned” thing, if you start a new job and don’t know any one and automatically distrusted all your colleagues, you would not get very far.

My abusive ex used to accuse me of stuff I couldn't comprehend. That's because it was stuff he could and would do. So yes, in some cases they don't trust because of their behaviour. It really can be a tell tale, and them sobbing themselves in.

As you say, at the other end of the scale you've people who've been burned so badly, they struggle to trust from then on.

One of the reasons I trust (and ignore anything negative others tell me about a person) is I think deep down all people are good & how you view them and treat them influences how they act "

Which takes me back to my long arsed post, that I don't think people are necessarily bad as in they intend to cause harm, but I do think they learned unhealthy coping strategies which lead to harm/hurt/lies etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I learned at a young age that not everyone was as trustworthy as I believed myself to be but I still have most people the benefit of the doubt.

As I've gotten older I've become more cynical and since joining fab that cynicism has gone to the next level.

There are a few people I trust but fewer still that I would trust implicitly.

I've given the benefit of the doubt to some on here that I truly believed were simply misguided friends but once I saw how it was all an act and they were more than comfortable using my friendship and personal details as currency to feather their nest with others I removed them completely from my life.

As much as I can currently see them doing exactly the same with others I don't trust those others enough to warn them and to be perfectly honest I live in hope that they all perish on the same rock. "

That’s so sad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you (personally) trust or mistrust other people because of how *you* would act in a certain situation or because of how you think *they* would?

That’s a really interesting tale on trust , I think probably some truth in it, people who mistrust are either reflecting their own flaws or past pain.

For me trust is given freely until it’s broken, but loyalty and respect is earned.

I don’t understand this “trust has to earned” thing, if you start a new job and don’t know any one and automatically distrusted all your colleagues, you would not get very far.

My abusive ex used to accuse me of stuff I couldn't comprehend. That's because it was stuff he could and would do. So yes, in some cases they don't trust because of their behaviour. It really can be a tell tale, and them sobbing themselves in.

As you say, at the other end of the scale you've people who've been burned so badly, they struggle to trust from then on.

One of the reasons I trust (and ignore anything negative others tell me about a person) is I think deep down all people are good & how you view them and treat them influences how they act

Which takes me back to my long arsed post, that I don't think people are necessarily bad as in they intend to cause harm, but I do think they learned unhealthy coping strategies which lead to harm/hurt/lies etc."

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I used to trust almost everyone.

Now I trust that peoples behaviour will be self serving and I simply don't know their intentions or motivations, whether good or bad.

I also trust that we have differing morals so what I could see as insidious behaviour may be their everyday normal, and nothing to write home about.

I do believe there really are people in this world who are trustworthy and have good hearts. But I don't trust me not to confuse the not so good hearted with them on surface level and get out before any damage is done.

So no, not only do I not trust others, I don't trust myself either.

From what little iof know of you and what you've said here that's because of how people have behaved towards you rather than any innate sense of mistrust you have

Undoubtedly.

But, they treated me that way coz I "allowed" it. Now, as a child I guess I allowed it because I had to, no choice in the matter, you're born to who you're born to and I guess I had 3 choices.

1) run away

2) suicide

3) move out as soon as able.

I chose option 3.

But.... it defo shaped my subconscious into being a wanker magnet.

I meant to phrase my reply as a question not to faux psycho analyse you .

I don't think you can help your childhood. You're very self aware in my opinion though

I know ya dafty

I'm self aware to a degree.

I know what I need to change, but don't know how to, or whether I really do want to. I'm now in the "safe" zone which yes, whilst it's "safe" it will eventually get incredibly lonely I don't doubt.

So, having thought about it for a diddy few minutes I'm gonna make an educated (very poorly and only based on experience) guess.

I think, at the core, it all comes down to unhealthy coping strategies and an inability to process emotions in a healthy way. I don't know many people who had great parents who genuinely taught them how to process emotion. That's because they didn't know themselves. They can't be blamed for not knowing.

So, from not being able to process emotions, from not having a safe place to do so (ie a happy healthy home where you weren't told to "man up", to "stop crying before I give you something to cry about" or being punished for having human emotions) we had to have those emotions in secret or things would get worse.

So, we become secretive.

We look for attention in unhealthy places. Problem is, the people we get the attention from also don't know how to process effectively and healthily so in some cases you'll become a tool, prey even.

I'll use cheating as an example. I know it's bad and we all know how strongly I feel about it. But, I do believe in most cases the person cheats because they haven't learned how to process the emotions they're having in a healthy way. I think if most knew the outcome amd turmoil created by it they'd definitely think with their big head rather than the little one. Truth be known, they're afraid.

Back to self serving. Fix the immediate rather than the long term, because we simply don't know HOW to fix a lifetime of hidden complex unhealthy coping strategies.

Self harm, that's another. It ain't gonna fix anything, but does give temporary relief in a moment where we cannot process or express. To me, self harm was expression of an emotion I had to do in secret.

"

That's very interesting and thought provoking

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I can't respond to everyone I'm afraid.

I've really enjoyed reading these replies

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By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago

Where the flamboyance of flamingos live

Recently been hurt very badly so my walls are up now, it will take time before they start coming down again x

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I trust to an extent and at a basic level. Those who have met me know I overshare. It's not something I am proud of, but I know where it comes from.

It would be wrong for me to distrust someone because they don't share at the level that I do. It might annoy me a bit, but that's also about me and not them.

However, when I get that gut feeling wariness about someone I watch how they behave with others, how others receive them, and look at whether I am picking up the trace of some older troublesome relationship. Or, am I reacting to them transferring a previous relationship onto me?

I have regret when I forget Maya Angelou's words: When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Or (just thought of this) because of how other people have behaved in the past"

This. I used to blindly trust that people were essentially decent. I would overshare, yske everything at face value, would explain away their more unpleasant behaviours. I don't actually trust anyone fully with my feelings now, not a single person. I just can't bring myself to relax into a friendship or relationship.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Also, no one all is all bad or all good. I think we have different degrees of good/bad behaviour with different people so where one person feels confident in trusting someone that you wouldn't trust at all, both states are true.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

On a completely unrelated thread recently I said that I keep my circle of friends small in real life and apply different levels of trust even to those within that circle.

On fab my circle is tiny in comparison to some but despite what I said above I have been lucky enough to meet people that I can and do trust.

The best way I can describe that level of trust is that I can be completely and totally naked with them even while fully dressed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm pretty trusting and I give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes but I'm quite perceptive and can see from their behaviour whether that trust is misplaced or not.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"On a completely unrelated thread recently I said that I keep my circle of friends small in real life and apply different levels of trust even to those within that circle.

On fab my circle is tiny in comparison to some but despite what I said above I have been lucky enough to meet people that I can and do trust.

The best way I can describe that level of trust is that I can be completely and totally naked with them even while fully dressed.

"

To be fully trusting is being naked. A good description.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

The only thing i know about trust is a real friend don't stab a friend , a fake friend will stab a friend without hesitation and remorse

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think I would describe myself as a cynical truster. I'll trust someone while protecting myself until I know them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to trust another person's word, because why lie?

Yes, I've been caught out, but I can soon see I may be wrong to trust that individual.

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby


"I think I would describe myself as a cynical truster. I'll trust someone while protecting myself until I know them "

Sounds a bit of a gamer

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm a mixed bag and I find it endearing, when people behave differently from me. Definitely fascinating, I don't want to be with midwich cuckoos, all alike. I'll be curious and it may take me some time to trust them, if peculiar sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you (personally) trust or mistrust other people because of how *you* would act in a certain situation or because of how you think *they* would?

Can you give an example?

Do you mean that would I trust someone because I would wear a condom, but then mistrust them because I think they wouldn’t?

I notice that some people trust everyone. Is that because they themselves are trustworthy and wouldn't imagine someone else not being or is it because they've never encountered anyone else who's broken their trust. So if a woman saw her partner talking to another woman they wouldn't immediately think something was going on."

I think it's levels of trust and if its earnt. Someone's behaviour from the first impression onwards makes me decide to trust or not trust them from the start. If they seem authentic, actions/words in sync & the same way to all people, I start from a place of trust until they let me down. If they are giving red/yellow flags with inconsistent words/actions, or different with others/me, then I start off guarded and ease off over time if they merit it.

I have found an ex in a very compromising situation, thought nothing of it because I trusted him & knew it wouldn't be as it appeared - and it wasn't. Where as, I've broken up with another ex for being inappropriate with his female friend, even though there was nothing more in it, as I felt it broke the trust/boundary of our relationship at the time. Insecurity breeds jealousy, whether its in the self or 1 of the parameters of the relationship.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Do you (personally) trust or mistrust other people because of how *you* would act in a certain situation or because of how you think *they* would?

"

This is an excellent question!

I mistrust generally based on the actions of others and their end goals, usually based on the actions of others in the past. Neither of which is fair to the people involved but (in my experience) has proven to be consistent.

In this sense mistrust is my default, which is a shame as there are some lovely people out there

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Also, no one all is all bad or all good. I think we have different degrees of good/bad behaviour with different people so where one person feels confident in trusting someone that you wouldn't trust at all, both states are true.

"

This is incredibly wise

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

I find it very hard to trust people been let down by those meant to have my best interests at heart too often

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I trust nobody including myself

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Considering how damaged I am, I'm actually pretty trusting of people.

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