FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Help me please

Jump to newest
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Squirt on it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it "

Blow on it… it’ll run a mile

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spiders are harmless lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On my way with my , spider assassin cats.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t touch it, it will immediately spawn a hundred babies

You’re fucked, basically

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *etterdays2021Man
over a year ago

PETERBOROUGH

Use the force..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Squirt on it "

Right help you are

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it

Blow on it… it’ll run a mile"

I'm not going near it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it "

I'm exactly the same, but as I now live alone I have to find some balls and deal with it myself as quick as possible ... there is no way I'm going to sleep with it running around. I trap it with a glass, slide a piece of card underneath and take it to the bottom of the garden

Good luck x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Spiders are harmless lol "

You're no bloody help

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't eat it!

It will give you indigestion as it wiggles and tickles and jiggles inside you!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

If it can't be glassed and removed then your remaining options are to hoover it up (which you shouldn't do because that's mean) or to have a calm and reasoned talk with the spider detailing how that part of the house is now theirs as long as they promise not to move around too much. Thus beginning a joyous co-habitation between you and our arachnid brethren

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"On my way with my , spider assassin cats."

Hurry please. I need the toilet

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"On my way with my , spider assassin cats.

Hurry please. I need the toilet "

Pee on it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *elloWoman
over a year ago

alpha centauri

Grab the dogs , run out the door, nuke the place, it's the only way to be sure

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Don’t touch it, it will immediately spawn a hundred babies

You’re fucked, basically "

Thanks that's me not sleeping

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deep breaths it's far more scared of you. Mind control it doesn't bite or sting. Go and get a glass to put over it. You will be fine. Keep telling yourself it's tiny compared to me .you can do it. Make yourself proud xxx good luck xxx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it

I'm exactly the same, but as I now live alone I have to find some balls and deal with it myself as quick as possible ... there is no way I'm going to sleep with it running around. I trap it with a glass, slide a piece of card underneath and take it to the bottom of the garden

Good luck x"

Finally someone that understands. Glass would be an option. Unfortunately it's between me and the kitchen. It's cunning

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *winging NutsMan
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Checked out you profile....sorry. Can't tell if you are shaved? If you have a big hairy minge....waft it near spider....he will think he is about to be an horderve, and scamper!

Problem solved.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Don't eat it!

It will give you indigestion as it wiggles and tickles and jiggles inside you!"

Leave my thread

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"If it can't be glassed and removed then your remaining options are to hoover it up (which you shouldn't do because that's mean) or to have a calm and reasoned talk with the spider detailing how that part of the house is now theirs as long as they promise not to move around too much. Thus beginning a joyous co-habitation between you and our arachnid brethren "

Jesus send me what you've been drinking please. It may ease the pain and suffering

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster

It's on its way to get in your bed

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"On my way with my , spider assassin cats.

Hurry please. I need the toilet

Pee on it."

I'll pee on the sofa first

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Grab the dogs , run out the door, nuke the place, it's the only way to be sure "

Love you. It's in the hallway guarding the kitchen, the toilet and the front door

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once had a huge spider in the doorway of the bathroom, dropped a large heavy book it and left it there a couple days, walking over it each time going in and out of the bathroom, when I finally picked the book up expecting to see a dead spider, it got up and ran away

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

[Removed by poster at 09/07/22 01:35:20]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Take a cushion off the sofa and squash it with that

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Checked out you profile....sorry. Can't tell if you are shaved? If you have a big hairy minge....waft it near spider....he will think he is about to be an horderve, and scamper!

Problem solved.

"

Never thought I'd be an horderve to a spider. I'm going to chuck a shoe at you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it "
cup it once in a cup put a heavy object on top so it can't run away and then hope for the best

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"It's on its way to get in your bed "

Hate you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Once had a huge spider in the doorway of the bathroom, dropped a large heavy book it and left it there a couple days, walking over it each time going in and out of the bathroom, when I finally picked the book up expecting to see a dead spider, it got up and ran away "

Sneaky huge bastards

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Take a cushion off the sofa and squash it with that "

This would use it as a weight. The pillow is not much bigger

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol


"If it can't be glassed and removed then your remaining options are to hoover it up (which you shouldn't do because that's mean) or to have a calm and reasoned talk with the spider detailing how that part of the house is now theirs as long as they promise not to move around too much. Thus beginning a joyous co-habitation between you and our arachnid brethren

Jesus send me what you've been drinking please. It may ease the pain and suffering "

A crate of beer is on it's way and inbound, prepare to feel pretty good about life

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"If it can't be glassed and removed then your remaining options are to hoover it up (which you shouldn't do because that's mean) or to have a calm and reasoned talk with the spider detailing how that part of the house is now theirs as long as they promise not to move around too much. Thus beginning a joyous co-habitation between you and our arachnid brethren

Jesus send me what you've been drinking please. It may ease the pain and suffering

A crate of beer is on it's way and inbound, prepare to feel pretty good about life "

Thanks chuck. I'll share it with the spider I've now named Eric

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol


"If it can't be glassed and removed then your remaining options are to hoover it up (which you shouldn't do because that's mean) or to have a calm and reasoned talk with the spider detailing how that part of the house is now theirs as long as they promise not to move around too much. Thus beginning a joyous co-habitation between you and our arachnid brethren

Jesus send me what you've been drinking please. It may ease the pain and suffering

A crate of beer is on it's way and inbound, prepare to feel pretty good about life

Thanks chuck. I'll share it with the spider I've now named Eric "

Well this sounds like the start of a wonderful relationship, I've no doubt the two of you will be firm friends before the evening is through, you'll laugh about how awkward you both were when you first met

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Make sure it pays its half of the rent.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You might have to burn the house down unfortunately

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You might have to burn the house down unfortunately "

"I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not wishing to cause any panic, but in a recent article in the Mirror there are 14 species of UK spider whose bite is strong enough to piece a human skin. The worst is the False Widow.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Winchester.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

Well I survived the night. I'm giving the animals away. Totally useless

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well I survived the night. I'm giving the animals away. Totally useless "

Good to hear you're ok. Did you manage to get any sleep or were you on spider watch all night (that's often what I end up doing )

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get yourself one of those fishing nets for catching tiddlers. You should be able to reach with the long bamboo handle, whilst you stand on the couch.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Well I survived the night. I'm giving the animals away. Totally useless

Good to hear you're ok. Did you manage to get any sleep or were you on spider watch all night (that's often what I end up doing )"

Lost it around 3. Took dog with me to the toilet 3 times just in case

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Get yourself one of those fishing nets for catching tiddlers. You should be able to reach with the long bamboo handle, whilst you stand on the couch."

Sounds like one of the Viz help

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did the stand off end? Or you still trapped?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Only 1 thing for it if you've lost the fucker.....grab a match and burn the house down

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"How did the stand off end? Or you still trapped?"

No it's hiding. I'm being very brave and tip toeing through the hall

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Light a fart at him

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Only 1 thing for it if you've lost the fucker.....grab a match and burn the house down "

Shit I've only just moved here. I can't keep setting fire to my houses

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *agicM53XMan
over a year ago

Orpington

I can lend you my flamethrower ...

...is your house insured ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Jesus! For goodness sake woman...

Just put yer big girl knickers on put a glass over it & a piece of card, bill, flyer or whatever, slide it underneath & transport the critter out.

After thought - if yer got a phobia (some people do), get yer next door neighbour (if they are obliging - can't say much about mine....), friend, relative to handle the situation.

You could hit it with yer stilettos but I got this image in my head of you with shoes in the wall or door frame... lol so squishing it is out.

Open a window & see if it gets the message. If in doubt take the Buddhist approach!!

I have lots of hedges in me garden so to find "Harry The spider" crawling across the carpet is not surprising to me. Massive things they are. It's like "The Thing" re-make.

Am I putting you off yet? LOL.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get yourself one of those fishing nets for catching tiddlers. You should be able to reach with the long bamboo handle, whilst you stand on the couch.

Sounds like one of the Viz help "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ammo89Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it "

Charge it rent

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Light a fart at him "

Come and do it for me. I'm a lady

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top