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Help me please

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Squirt on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it "

Blow on it… it’ll run a mile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spiders are harmless lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On my way with my , spider assassin cats.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t touch it, it will immediately spawn a hundred babies

You’re fucked, basically

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By *etterdays2021Man
over a year ago

PETERBOROUGH

Use the force..

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Squirt on it "

Right help you are

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it

Blow on it… it’ll run a mile"

I'm not going near it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it "

I'm exactly the same, but as I now live alone I have to find some balls and deal with it myself as quick as possible ... there is no way I'm going to sleep with it running around. I trap it with a glass, slide a piece of card underneath and take it to the bottom of the garden

Good luck x

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Spiders are harmless lol "

You're no bloody help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't eat it!

It will give you indigestion as it wiggles and tickles and jiggles inside you!

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

If it can't be glassed and removed then your remaining options are to hoover it up (which you shouldn't do because that's mean) or to have a calm and reasoned talk with the spider detailing how that part of the house is now theirs as long as they promise not to move around too much. Thus beginning a joyous co-habitation between you and our arachnid brethren

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"On my way with my , spider assassin cats."

Hurry please. I need the toilet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"On my way with my , spider assassin cats.

Hurry please. I need the toilet "

Pee on it.

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By *elloWoman
over a year ago

alpha centauri

Grab the dogs , run out the door, nuke the place, it's the only way to be sure

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Don’t touch it, it will immediately spawn a hundred babies

You’re fucked, basically "

Thanks that's me not sleeping

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deep breaths it's far more scared of you. Mind control it doesn't bite or sting. Go and get a glass to put over it. You will be fine. Keep telling yourself it's tiny compared to me .you can do it. Make yourself proud xxx good luck xxx

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it

I'm exactly the same, but as I now live alone I have to find some balls and deal with it myself as quick as possible ... there is no way I'm going to sleep with it running around. I trap it with a glass, slide a piece of card underneath and take it to the bottom of the garden

Good luck x"

Finally someone that understands. Glass would be an option. Unfortunately it's between me and the kitchen. It's cunning

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By *winging NutsMan
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Checked out you profile....sorry. Can't tell if you are shaved? If you have a big hairy minge....waft it near spider....he will think he is about to be an horderve, and scamper!

Problem solved.

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Don't eat it!

It will give you indigestion as it wiggles and tickles and jiggles inside you!"

Leave my thread

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"If it can't be glassed and removed then your remaining options are to hoover it up (which you shouldn't do because that's mean) or to have a calm and reasoned talk with the spider detailing how that part of the house is now theirs as long as they promise not to move around too much. Thus beginning a joyous co-habitation between you and our arachnid brethren "

Jesus send me what you've been drinking please. It may ease the pain and suffering

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster

It's on its way to get in your bed

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"On my way with my , spider assassin cats.

Hurry please. I need the toilet

Pee on it."

I'll pee on the sofa first

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Grab the dogs , run out the door, nuke the place, it's the only way to be sure "

Love you. It's in the hallway guarding the kitchen, the toilet and the front door

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once had a huge spider in the doorway of the bathroom, dropped a large heavy book it and left it there a couple days, walking over it each time going in and out of the bathroom, when I finally picked the book up expecting to see a dead spider, it got up and ran away

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

[Removed by poster at 09/07/22 01:35:20]

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Take a cushion off the sofa and squash it with that

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Checked out you profile....sorry. Can't tell if you are shaved? If you have a big hairy minge....waft it near spider....he will think he is about to be an horderve, and scamper!

Problem solved.

"

Never thought I'd be an horderve to a spider. I'm going to chuck a shoe at you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it "
cup it once in a cup put a heavy object on top so it can't run away and then hope for the best

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"It's on its way to get in your bed "

Hate you

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Once had a huge spider in the doorway of the bathroom, dropped a large heavy book it and left it there a couple days, walking over it each time going in and out of the bathroom, when I finally picked the book up expecting to see a dead spider, it got up and ran away "

Sneaky huge bastards

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Take a cushion off the sofa and squash it with that "

This would use it as a weight. The pillow is not much bigger

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol


"If it can't be glassed and removed then your remaining options are to hoover it up (which you shouldn't do because that's mean) or to have a calm and reasoned talk with the spider detailing how that part of the house is now theirs as long as they promise not to move around too much. Thus beginning a joyous co-habitation between you and our arachnid brethren

Jesus send me what you've been drinking please. It may ease the pain and suffering "

A crate of beer is on it's way and inbound, prepare to feel pretty good about life

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"If it can't be glassed and removed then your remaining options are to hoover it up (which you shouldn't do because that's mean) or to have a calm and reasoned talk with the spider detailing how that part of the house is now theirs as long as they promise not to move around too much. Thus beginning a joyous co-habitation between you and our arachnid brethren

Jesus send me what you've been drinking please. It may ease the pain and suffering

A crate of beer is on it's way and inbound, prepare to feel pretty good about life "

Thanks chuck. I'll share it with the spider I've now named Eric

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol


"If it can't be glassed and removed then your remaining options are to hoover it up (which you shouldn't do because that's mean) or to have a calm and reasoned talk with the spider detailing how that part of the house is now theirs as long as they promise not to move around too much. Thus beginning a joyous co-habitation between you and our arachnid brethren

Jesus send me what you've been drinking please. It may ease the pain and suffering

A crate of beer is on it's way and inbound, prepare to feel pretty good about life

Thanks chuck. I'll share it with the spider I've now named Eric "

Well this sounds like the start of a wonderful relationship, I've no doubt the two of you will be firm friends before the evening is through, you'll laugh about how awkward you both were when you first met

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Make sure it pays its half of the rent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You might have to burn the house down unfortunately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You might have to burn the house down unfortunately "

"I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not wishing to cause any panic, but in a recent article in the Mirror there are 14 species of UK spider whose bite is strong enough to piece a human skin. The worst is the False Widow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Winchester.

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere

Well I survived the night. I'm giving the animals away. Totally useless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well I survived the night. I'm giving the animals away. Totally useless "

Good to hear you're ok. Did you manage to get any sleep or were you on spider watch all night (that's often what I end up doing )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get yourself one of those fishing nets for catching tiddlers. You should be able to reach with the long bamboo handle, whilst you stand on the couch.

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Well I survived the night. I'm giving the animals away. Totally useless

Good to hear you're ok. Did you manage to get any sleep or were you on spider watch all night (that's often what I end up doing )"

Lost it around 3. Took dog with me to the toilet 3 times just in case

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Get yourself one of those fishing nets for catching tiddlers. You should be able to reach with the long bamboo handle, whilst you stand on the couch."

Sounds like one of the Viz help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did the stand off end? Or you still trapped?

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Only 1 thing for it if you've lost the fucker.....grab a match and burn the house down

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"How did the stand off end? Or you still trapped?"

No it's hiding. I'm being very brave and tip toeing through the hall

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Light a fart at him

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Only 1 thing for it if you've lost the fucker.....grab a match and burn the house down "

Shit I've only just moved here. I can't keep setting fire to my houses

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

I can lend you my flamethrower ...

...is your house insured ?

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Jesus! For goodness sake woman...

Just put yer big girl knickers on put a glass over it & a piece of card, bill, flyer or whatever, slide it underneath & transport the critter out.

After thought - if yer got a phobia (some people do), get yer next door neighbour (if they are obliging - can't say much about mine....), friend, relative to handle the situation.

You could hit it with yer stilettos but I got this image in my head of you with shoes in the wall or door frame... lol so squishing it is out.

Open a window & see if it gets the message. If in doubt take the Buddhist approach!!

I have lots of hedges in me garden so to find "Harry The spider" crawling across the carpet is not surprising to me. Massive things they are. It's like "The Thing" re-make.

Am I putting you off yet? LOL.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get yourself one of those fishing nets for catching tiddlers. You should be able to reach with the long bamboo handle, whilst you stand on the couch.

Sounds like one of the Viz help "

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By *ammo89Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen


"I'm stood on my sofa. There's a massive spider. Enormous. Dogs just looking at me because I'm screaming. Cat normally eats them but he's scared I think. Nothing to throw at it "

Charge it rent

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By *carlet_woman_xx OP   Woman
over a year ago

somewhere


"Light a fart at him "

Come and do it for me. I'm a lady

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