FabSwingers.com forum: Meet safety

By *inkyEssexGuy OP Man
over a year ago

southend

One thing that has always baffled me on here, the amount of people, mainly men I might add, that are willing to invite complete strangers into there homes for a “cum and go” type deal.

I mean it’s probably all talk to be fair but surely people don’t actually do this.

Even had one guy say “door unlocked just come in” wtf!!!

Just thought I’d put this out to make sure I’m not the only one that finds this totally batshit

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Each to their own I guess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not what I would do, but I do know a woman who did that. Walked into a house as he said, door open, just come on in. Mental! But what do I know? People do some odd things that they think is normal to them.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It always amazes me too. We are at pains to tell our kids never to meet strangers from the net, always ensure you know who you're talking to on line. It's as if being over 21 gives you automatic immunity from harm

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By *inkyEssexGuy OP Man
over a year ago

southend

I just imagine being busy in the bedroom with some std ridden person while their mate robs all your stuff.

Or on the other end, you have no idea what your walking into. A woman could turn up to find a group of rapists for god sake!

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By *inkyEssexGuy OP Man
over a year ago

southend

I assume this is something you have done ?

You had any bad experiences?

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've no interest in meeting any woman who thinks so little of her own personal safety that she would invite me into her home on a first or second meet.

I have turned down a few who have insisted on it.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I’ve done it

I could beat most people up

Most people aren’t looking to murder people. They just wanna cum

It’s more dangerous driving your car to work

People are very bad at assessing risk

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Two aspects at play I think:

1. The drive of the penis often trump's other factors or considerations.

2. For many us with xy chromosomes we have a stronger sense of our safety and less worry of risk than women. Party because of physicality but mainly because society and life experience as a man teachers us we have less to fear (or at least the perception of such).

Obviously I don't speak for all biological males but generally speaking these seem to be the main factors for a lot of men.

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

I would never invite a stranger into my home but many men on here do. I wouldn’t go to some strangers house either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The advice to always arrange a couple of public meets first is always sound advice.

Peoples intuition plays a major part in the decision whether to meet or not and its appreciated that someone intuition is much better than others.

At some point someone has got to start trusting another, otherwise nothing is ever achieved.

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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

Had a few meets where I’ve just walked in. One guy told me he wanted to fall asleep first with his door unlocked and I’ll come in pretending to be a burglar. To be fair by this point we had met a couple of times.

My main concern with these kind of meets is not their safety but my own. I always think they’ll send me in to a strangers house with a hard on and then I’ll be in a sticky situation explaining myself to the police.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Psycho killers are in short supply these days. Many years ago I had a bad experience but I got to test my "flight or fight" response. Now I'm a bit more wiser but just as horny.

You can spend your whole life mentally drawing up risk assessments or actually live your life.

As I said to the bouncers that were metal detecting customers comming in to a local pub. John Wick once killed two men with a pencil.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I always assume that anyone I don't know really well and some that I do, is a weirdo who harbours odd ideas. Some of the stuff I read on here about wanting to give out unaware partners location or phone number so men can 'try their luck' has made me even more aware that a lot of people have little or no regard for other people and their safety.

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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

"I always assume that anyone I don't know really well and some that I do, is a weirdo who harbours odd ideas. Some of the stuff I read on here about wanting to give out unaware partners location or phone number so men can 'try their luck' has made me even more aware that a lot of people have little or no regard for other people and their safety. "

Wow I have never seen that about “trying their luck”

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

No-one comes to my home....ever! I always meet in a public place the first time and always drive myself. A really good friend will know where and who I am meeting.

I've heard too many horror stories on here and my safety is paramount x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've noticed this. Frightening isn't it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No-one comes to my home....ever! I always meet in a public place the first time and always drive myself. A really good friend will know where and who I am meeting.

I've heard too many horror stories on here and my safety is paramount x"

That’s how I want and expect every woman who met me for the first time to be.

If she didn’t feel safe in anyway, I would want to meet or it would make me feel bad.

You’re meeting someone to show you they are who they said they are. Imagine them turning up and it was all fake? Take care, and then do a ‘whoop’ when it’s all good.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"No-one comes to my home....ever! I always meet in a public place the first time and always drive myself. A really good friend will know where and who I am meeting.

I've heard too many horror stories on here and my safety is paramount x

That’s how I want and expect every woman who met me for the first time to be.

If she didn’t feel safe in anyway, I would want to meet or it would make me feel bad.

You’re meeting someone to show you they are who they said they are. Imagine them turning up and it was all fake? Take care, and then do a ‘whoop’ when it’s all good.

That's why I don't get people who meet also without seeing a picture...I'm like WTF

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One thing that has always baffled me on here, the amount of people, mainly men I might add, that are willing to invite complete strangers into there homes for a “cum and go” type deal.

I mean it’s probably all talk to be fair but surely people don’t actually do this.

Even had one guy say “door unlocked just come in” wtf!!!

Just thought I’d put this out to make sure I’m not the only one that finds this totally batshit "

I always insist on a social. It says it on my profile too. The amount of guys that cancel the social last minute and offer too come round(I don't accommodate either) astounds me.

It seems they can't comprehend that it's a safety thing. Then I'm called a tone waster lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One thing that has always baffled me on here, the amount of people, mainly men I might add, that are willing to invite complete strangers into there homes for a “cum and go” type deal.

I mean it’s probably all talk to be fair but surely people don’t actually do this.

Even had one guy say “door unlocked just come in” wtf!!!

Just thought I’d put this out to make sure I’m not the only one that finds this totally batshit

I always insist on a social. It says it on my profile too. The amount of guys that cancel the social last minute and offer too come round(I don't accommodate either) astounds me.

It seems they can't comprehend that it's a safety thing. Then I'm called a tone waster lol"

Ugh need to proof read in future

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By *inkyEssexGuy OP Man
over a year ago

southend

I could beat most people up “ has to be the most red flag statement I’ve ever read haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tip from a wise owl on here (not me).

Arrange to text a friend during the meet. But make the text odd, like "having a shit time, they are such an ugly fucker!" - then they know you are ok.

A dodgy person would force you to say you're having a great time....

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Safety has to be paramount - for everyone

Always a social first, let someone trusted know you’re meeting someone new.

Being a lone strong man isn’t going to protect you from another strong man with weapons or several men!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Two aspects at play I think:

1. The drive of the penis often trump's other factors or considerations.

Obviously I don't speak for all biological males but generally speaking these seem to be the main factors for a lot of men."

Point 2 is only half correct. Men do have a better sense of their own safety and society has a part to play in this because it tells us women and children are vulnerable so we all act as though they are. Men and women are roughly equally likely to be the victims of violence so I don't think experience can explain the difference - even less so when we take into account the massive skew in these figures to do with stranger violence - men are far more likely to be attacked by a stranger than women.

I think the factors are complex and interlinked. Figures are skewed by perception - for example many women would (if asked) say that having their bum grabbed by a stranger is an assault. Indeed, in many surveys of sexual violence the numbers of female victims are swelled by actions like this while men are far less likely to view it that way and probably wouldn't remember it being done to them. This creates a negative feed back where women are made to be more aware of how common assault against them is so report it more and register more behaviours as assault leading to high assault figures proving they need to be more wary etc.

On the other hand, women are more afraid to be out alone, take more precautions about where they're going and who with etc and this behaviour almost certainly reduces the likelihood of them being the victims of stranger attack and held keep the figures for this artificially low when compared to men.

OP, the reality is inviting a stranger into your home is a risk but so is crossing the road. We all have different levels of acceptable risk and different levels of objectivity about how big a risk is. Calling someone batshit because they have a different outlook to you seems a little strange to me.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I have force multipliers all over the place.

And they come in knowing I am more likely to steal their kidneys then they are mine

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By *inkyEssexGuy OP Man
over a year ago

southend

Risk crossing the road and risk inviting a stranger you met on the internet for sex into your home are not comparable at all.

We manage the risk to our safety and well being consistently, we look to cross a road, we lock our doors, we wear a coat when it’s cold ,

Now comparing it to sky diving , that makes more sense.

You are putting a lot on the line with just hope something doesn’t go wrong.

I stand by in what I say, that for someone to send me a message (I literally only have a cock pic on my profile) saying here is my address, I’m on my bed and the door is unlocked” is 100% batshit crazy.

Maybe not to everyone but to me it is.

Besides someone might come in a steel my comics while I’m getting bummed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No-one comes to my home....ever! I always meet in a public place the first time and always drive myself. A really good friend will know where and who I am meeting.

I've heard too many horror stories on here and my safety is paramount x

That’s how I want and expect every woman who met me for the first time to be.

If she didn’t feel safe in anyway, I would want to meet or it would make me feel bad.

You’re meeting someone to show you they are who they said they are. Imagine them turning up and it was all fake? Take care, and then do a ‘whoop’ when it’s all good.

That's why I don't get people who meet also without seeing a picture...I'm like WTF

Some people get off on the anonymous factor. Like with a glory hole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loving some of the responses on here. And yet people will maintain "kink shaming" is minimal on the forums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Risk is probability more than opportunity. The person most likely to harm or even kill you - statistical fact - is you. Least likely - a stranger. Friends and family are comparatively high %. So assuming you are actually looking for trouble, it’s generally unlikely to find you.

My concern (or my main point of risk mitigation) has been “straight” guys who may switch behaviour, and overall I’m not looking too optimistic against a 6’ builder. One is (statistically) more liklely to be a risk than the other.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Have you considered a single woman may feel safer meeting a stranger in her own home , with friends and neighbours she knows well nearby, than going to a strangers house.

I only meet people that are safe & I can handle , I can tell by taking to them if they are nutters. I’ve been wrong once but I managed to escape !

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By *entDomMan
over a year ago

Paddock Wood, Kent

This is a very valid Forum Post and one worthy of discussion if only to share ideas.

I would particularly worry about the safety of vulnerable individuals, predominantly women but others as well. The potential impact on a site like this could be catastrophic by there being just one serious incident.

We all.make friends on here, perhaps someone we've met or just someone we chat with. So I would suggest if you are someone who might be considered vulnerable. You could consider texting/messaging a "buddy" the address you are going to, a picture of the car you are getting into and then messaging that you have arrived etc. And then one at the end of the meet.

Just some ideas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel more comfortable meeting at mine than going to a strangers house.

I have good neighbours who I let know, if I plan to meet.

I meet well verified people or have recently met with a fab friend, to help a newbie on the scene. I ask for photos doing certain poses or holding something specific so I know they are who they say they are. Sometimes I don’t fancy meeting at all. I don’t class myself as bat shit crazy, either!

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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago

Z'ha'dum

That's why I say clubs are a bit more safer place to meet.

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By *weetCruellaWoman
over a year ago

somewhere sweet and sour

I would only ever invite a female back to mine only after I've met her as a social or at a club and got on well enough.

I would never do a hotel meet, I seen enough true crimes lol

Men I would only meet in a club or group situation. My house is my safe space. Had a few nutters over the years lol.

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By *inkyEssexGuy OP Man
over a year ago

southend

Who is Kink shaming?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would only ever invite a female back to mine only after I've met her as a social or at a club and got on well enough.

I would never do a hotel meet, I seen enough true crimes lol

Men I would only meet in a club or group situation. My house is my safe space. Had a few nutters over the years lol."

Been doing hotel meets for 30 years, still here and safe!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Remember seeing a man on a TV programme a few years ago that used to tie himself blindfolded to a tree on a London common with a sign round his neck saying “use and abuse me”.

Nowt as weird as folk.

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By *inkyEssexGuy OP Man
over a year ago

southend

That’s just next level putting yourself on the line

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always suggest a social in a public place of the ladies choice. I met my first fwb like that and on the 2nd meet she suggested her place!Second fwb agreed to a social and then said, no come to my house! In both cases we had chatted for months beforehand, and not just about sex..

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By *inkyEssexGuy OP Man
over a year ago

southend

Yeah hotels I get.

I think people are going down the someone’s hurting/killing route too much rather than the “a total stranger has been in my house and now knows where I live” route.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But wen u no anything that walks through the door is not genuine and came for the wrong reason I'd be worried for them but I understand other people's situations

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have and I do meet people in my home.. it’s where I feel safe I have lots of neighbours various points of exit throughout my house.

Plus I will only meet someone after considerable chat & FaceTimes and have sussed their character out I have red flags that I look out for.

I’m comfortable having a coffee in my home and the reality is you could still meet someone in a public place it go ok they could be charming put you at ease etc and then they turn out nasty on future meets.

It’s very much a trust your gut/instinct thing and it’s not failed me yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's very much a case of using some common sense.

After much practice I find quiet laybys, secluded one way lanes and abandoned buildings best.

I haven't had a problem since...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This happened in Ireland a few months ago where 2 men were murdered

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/gardai-investigating-sligo-murders-focus-on-suspect-s-online-dating-history-1.4852104

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have and I do meet people in my home.. it’s where I feel safe I have lots of neighbours various points of exit throughout my house.

Plus I will only meet someone after considerable chat & FaceTimes and have sussed their character out I have red flags that I look out for.

It’s very much a trust your gut/instinct thing and it’s not failed me yet."

Same.

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I’ve done it

I could beat most people up

Most people aren’t looking to murder people. They just wanna cum

It’s more dangerous driving your car to work

People are very bad at assessing risk "

It's pretty much this for me, too. There aren't exactly many men that I find intimidating. Plus, in my home I know where all the exits are.

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By *inx.x3Woman
over a year ago

Bath

When I meet men I normally go to theirs. A couple have just text before and said the door is open.

I guess I just don’t come across scary enough for them to be worried

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Thousands of people here are going to be vastly different to each other. It gives us all fantastic choice, to be able to find the tight matches go us. Most won't be compatible, including how we meet etc.

Many more talk of their fantasies, without intending to meet.

When you've actually engaged in meetings with people, rather than just talking about it, you can only at that point actually know that it wasn't just all talk and a fantasy.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

The safety thing of inviting someone that you've met socially and feel OK having them in your home, is that they know exactly where you live. Next time they are feeling randy...they know where you live. If they become obsessive about you, they know where you live.

It's not just about what happens on that occasion, which you have some control over, its the idiots turning up at your door that can be a problem.

* speaks from experience

It's very clear on my profile that I don't meet at my house or visit anyone else's house, but I still get messages suggesting that scenario.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've only met in my home because I have agoraphobia and cannot handle even walking to the shop anymore. But it takes a lot of messages talking and getting a sense of the person. A profile that's clear and has veri's is ok but not a solid for me, I like to think my judgements been good since I came back. It's clear on my profile too so if i do get messages with some concerns i stop the talk from going further. It's nervous to do but then I get nervous with the postman lol

And i know where my hammer is hidden!!

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

chichester

Since I moved I don’t let anyone meet at my home. I would book a hotel at end of road .

Too many stalkers or bunny boilers I met over the years ., now I prefer clubs / hotels .

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"The safety thing of inviting someone that you've met socially and feel OK having them in your home, is that they know exactly where you live. Next time they are feeling randy...they know where you live. If they become obsessive about you, they know where you live.

It's not just about what happens on that occasion, which you have some control over, its the idiots turning up at your door that can be a problem.

* speaks from experience

It's very clear on my profile that I don't meet at my house or visit anyone else's house, but I still get messages suggesting that scenario. "

I've experienced it once, ended up having to get the police involved. Scary thing is, he is still around.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Since I moved I don’t let anyone meet at my home. I would book a hotel at end of road .

Too many stalkers or bunny boilers I met over the years ., now I prefer clubs / hotels . "

This

I had a stalker for awhile, all online but I’m glad he never knew my home address. Blocked him but he eventually found me again.

I live in a flat so could do without the hassle. So only friends or someone I really know gets my home address now. Now I only meet in clubs.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Yes I've done it and lived to tell the tale! X

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