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Birthday Vent

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Okay…it’s not my birthday BUT it is coming up to my birthday and I always get depressed when it nears my birthday because all hot girls cry on their birthday, right?

This is my first birthday in 2 years without my beloved hamster and honestly? I’m struggling. I’m still deep in grief; therapy doesn’t seem to have done much for me on that front; and I thought I was over her traumatic death and yet I feel so empty. There’s this sense of longing of wanting her back and knowing that I can’t have her back and I’m just going in circles and frustrating myself.

It’s been nearly 6 months since she died and yet I still cry whenever I look at her pictures, still cry whenever I think of her. I don’t even like talking about her because my voice cracks. I try to talk to people about it, and I feel so STUPID because it’s been 6 months, I should be over it, right?

And I say this is a birthday vent because I just HATE my birthday. I was abused for 6 long years and my abuser tainted every.single.one.of.my.birthdays. I still remember the day she literally REFUSED to leave my house…on my damn birthday? I get so down and depressed nearing my birthday and it’s truly not a birthday unless I cry.

I just needed to vent this out because the world seems so awfully lonely lately. People around me just keeping telling me to get over my hamster and my grief and I struggle to, y’know?

Thank you for letting me vent I appreciate it and I hope everyone has a good Annabel month

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely hard losing a pet but hopefully you can find comfort in knowing that the memories and photos you have of them mean they're still with you in some form. I still miss my childhood pets and smile when I see an old picture of them or think of an old memory.

In terms of the abuse every birthday without that is an extra bit of distancing from it, and hopefully you can make your subsequent birthdays the best you've ever had.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think anyone can tell someone else how they should feel about something.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

There's no time limit on grief x

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

Why not pick a new Birthday and write off the old ones. new date, new start- the bloody queen has two for no apparent reason, so why can't you do the same?

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By *edsmudgeMan
over a year ago

oxford

When I loose my pets I do the visualisation thing , so they walk at my heel all day and all night , it’s better because they come to work with me , sit in the passenger seat of the car ( instead of taking the warm spot on my bed ) and when I look down , they look up at me with eyes that say , ‘ I’m here all the time you need me to be’

Eventually I feel bad from keeping them from the heaven I wish them, but I feel like I’ve said good bye properly,

I’m real soppy when it comes to my cats

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a shame OP , hope you're feeling better talking about it, and well done for doing so . Pets are class and sometimes a friend to talk to when times are hard, maybe on your birthday a new chapter will start that allows you to enjoy it as well, new hamster maybe x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When I loose my pets I do the visualisation thing , so they walk at my heel all day and all night , it’s better because they come to work with me , sit in the passenger seat of the car ( instead of taking the warm spot on my bed ) and when I look down , they look up at me with eyes that say , ‘ I’m here all the time you need me to be’

Eventually I feel bad from keeping them from the heaven I wish them, but I feel like I’ve said good bye properly,

I’m real soppy when it comes to my cats"

Wow this is such a lovely idea…I did do something similar for a while but I felt I was hurting myself more because I knew that she wasn’t actually here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww I feel the exact same way when it gets to my birthday. I've been let down and fucked over by supposed friends and made to cry on my birthday too, and now I get anxiety over planning something for it and everything going wrong. But then I have more anxiety over NOT doing anything and people judging me for not having a social life. It's a catch 22.

I tend to get depressed about the state of my life too. I reflect on the past year and where I'd hoped to be by then and realise just how little I've grown and achieved. My last birthday was horrendous for this; it literally got hard to breathe at times I felt so on edge and overwhelmed all the time.

Anyway, if you want to feel shit about your birthday that is your right. If you want to grieve your pet that is also your right. I have an unconventional pet that is not a cat or dog too and people don't get why I'm so attached to him but they don't realise having something to look after that rewarded me with affection pulled me out of some really dark times. Have you thought of getting another pet? Maybe not a hamster, but just something else to put your energy and love into?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Aww I feel the exact same way when it gets to my birthday. I've been let down and fucked over by supposed friends and made to cry on my birthday too, and now I get anxiety over planning something for it and everything going wrong. But then I have more anxiety over NOT doing anything and people judging me for not having a social life. It's a catch 22.

I tend to get depressed about the state of my life too. I reflect on the past year and where I'd hoped to be by then and realise just how little I've grown and achieved. My last birthday was horrendous for this; it literally got hard to breathe at times I felt so on edge and overwhelmed all the time.

Anyway, if you want to feel shit about your birthday that is your right. If you want to grieve your pet that is also your right. I have an unconventional pet that is not a cat or dog too and people don't get why I'm so attached to him but they don't realise having something to look after that rewarded me with affection pulled me out of some really dark times. Have you thought of getting another pet? Maybe not a hamster, but just something else to put your energy and love into? "

Because I’m moving out soon and because I’m starting a busy career soon I just don’t think it would be wise to get another hamster because I don’t think I’ll have the time for it, y’know? Me and this hamster got on so well because we were with each other all through lockdown so we were with each other 24/7.

I understand what you mean about the anxiety; I’m the same. I don’t allow myself to get excited incase something is cancelled and I get disappointed and end up crying lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why not pick a new Birthday and write off the old ones. new date, new start- the bloody queen has two for no apparent reason, so why can't you do the same? "

Was just about to suggest the same thing.

Reframe it. Look at it as another year that you are surviving, growing and learning.

It's my birthday month too.

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