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A rant (sorry)

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West

*If you don't want to listen to a ranty disabled woman, please use the nearest exit*

So, I'm really struggling physically at the moment. Mr KC is away with work till Friday night and went away yesterday morning. We have a child (5) who I am currently totally responsible for. Our eldest (19) has COVID and is staying away so cannot help. My bad leg is currently the worst it's been for ages. I can't bear any weight at all on it and so am completely reliant on my crutches or wheelchair. Our house is not adapted and does not fit the chair in, so I have to use the crutches, including to get up/down stairs. Doing kiddy bedtime last night and getting ready for school today was horrific. Our daughter is very good and does as much as she can for herself but I feel so inadequate as a Mum. Once I'm downstairs, I have to stay. So if anything from upstairs needs to come down, I have to ask a 5yo child to do it. I can't carry anything down other than what might fit down my bra/in a pocket because I need the crutches and bannister rail 100%.

Got to work on a busted wheelchair tyre but cannot physically change it myself so had to wait for a colleague to help. She part-changed it then had to go to a meeting so I've waited ages to get to the toilet, because I had one wheel off and in bits on the office floor and loos are too far away to crutch. I'm grateful for my colleague's help so just waited.

Tonight I'm asking my brother to take our daughter to his house, to shower her and get her ready for bed because I simply cannot.

I feel so completely useless and the level of pain is just beyond anything I've had for years. I've developed a lump in the bad leg that's getting bigger so seeing the doc this afternoon because I think that's making things worse. I doubt they'll do anything useful though. I can't take strong painkillers when I'm working and the sole responsible adult at home, in case I'm needed in the night etc so one must just grit one's teeth and soldier on.

*Rant ends*

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I hope everything settles down soon for you, and the lump is nothing serious xx

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester

I honestly don’t know how to reply to you! I do realise that most of us take everyday stuff for granted & I'm guilty of that!! We’re relatively close by and if we weren’t going away I’d offer some practical help x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i cant really offer any help or advice, but I'm sending you a massive hug. Really hope things get better and you dont have to apologise for ranting. its what we're here for

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’m so sorry to read this.

I can completely understand how that makes you feel. You’re doing the absolute best that you can and you’re a fantastic mum, being limited by your physicality doesn’t diminish that.

I’m not far away from you and if there’s any practical help that I can give, let me know

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Rant away, KC (though that wasn't a rant). I'm sorry you're having a tough time, so sending a big virtual hug.

You must know though that you're certainly not inadequate as a Mum or in any way!

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By *weetCruellaWoman
over a year ago

somewhere sweet and sour

That totally sucks eh! I think you are entitled to rant. Do you not have any family that can pop in to help? I don't know what your condition is... would it not be easier to have everything you need downstairs beforehand? I mean that in the nicest way possible... no offence intended... or is it just a case of keeping things normal?

I hope you are ok and things get better? Xx

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

You sound like you have every right to rant , you’re doing absolutely amazing , I hope your fam all appreciate you

I guess getting the pain under control / right medication is the main thing, and seeing what the lump is all about ? If you can’t take like oramorph or amiltrytyline have you looked into nerve root blocks , Ice or other natural anti-inflammatory? I spend some money a while back looking into alternatives , best investment I made I’ve been pain free for years after a decade of suffering

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

I am so sorry that you are having a shit time at the moment. I wish we could help. If just need to vent, I am a good ear.

Do you have friends locally that could visit regularly while Mr is away.

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West


"That totally sucks eh! I think you are entitled to rant. Do you not have any family that can pop in to help? I don't know what your condition is... would it not be easier to have everything you need downstairs beforehand? I mean that in the nicest way possible... no offence intended... or is it just a case of keeping things normal?

I hope you are ok and things get better? Xx "

My brother is doing what he can, but he has his own 2 young children and is a postman so works shifts. At home, the only toilet/bathroom is upstairs, as are all the bedrooms so I can't avoid the stairs completely. I'm trying to get things organised so I minimise stair use, obviously.

No other family that can help. Dad is 83, in hospital with a broken C6 vertebra and dementia. Mother is estranged. In laws care for Mr KCs disabled sister and cannot help.

Friends locally - very few and none that seem able to help, no. Most moved away to the South.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You deserve a medal, and I hope your poor run ends soon, like today. It's not a rant, you're totally allowed to vent.

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By *weetCruellaWoman
over a year ago

somewhere sweet and sour


"That totally sucks eh! I think you are entitled to rant. Do you not have any family that can pop in to help? I don't know what your condition is... would it not be easier to have everything you need downstairs beforehand? I mean that in the nicest way possible... no offence intended... or is it just a case of keeping things normal?

I hope you are ok and things get better? Xx

My brother is doing what he can, but he has his own 2 young children and is a postman so works shifts. At home, the only toilet/bathroom is upstairs, as are all the bedrooms so I can't avoid the stairs completely. I'm trying to get things organised so I minimise stair use, obviously.

No other family that can help. Dad is 83, in hospital with a broken C6 vertebra and dementia. Mother is estranged. In laws care for Mr KCs disabled sister and cannot help.

Friends locally - very few and none that seem able to help, no. Most moved away to the South."

Ahhh I see. If I was closer I would have helped you out. Hopefully things will be ok soon though x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m so sorry sweetheart . That sounds truly horrific.

You sound like a great mum, you love her and you’re doing all that you can, so please don’t be mean to yourself.

Sending hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These are proper struggles KC. So rant all you want, I’m sorry I can’t offer to help but In fairness, you sound like you are dealing with all that a lot better than I possibly could.

*big hug (for what it is worth )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"*If you don't want to listen to a ranty disabled woman, please use the nearest exit*

So, I'm really struggling physically at the moment. Mr KC is away with work till Friday night and went away yesterday morning. We have a child (5) who I am currently totally responsible for. Our eldest (19) has COVID and is staying away so cannot help. My bad leg is currently the worst it's been for ages. I can't bear any weight at all on it and so am completely reliant on my crutches or wheelchair. Our house is not adapted and does not fit the chair in, so I have to use the crutches, including to get up/down stairs. Doing kiddy bedtime last night and getting ready for school today was horrific. Our daughter is very good and does as much as she can for herself but I feel so inadequate as a Mum. Once I'm downstairs, I have to stay. So if anything from upstairs needs to come down, I have to ask a 5yo child to do it. I can't carry anything down other than what might fit down my bra/in a pocket because I need the crutches and bannister rail 100%.

Got to work on a busted wheelchair tyre but cannot physically change it myself so had to wait for a colleague to help. She part-changed it then had to go to a meeting so I've waited ages to get to the toilet, because I had one wheel off and in bits on the office floor and loos are too far away to crutch. I'm grateful for my colleague's help so just waited.

Tonight I'm asking my brother to take our daughter to his house, to shower her and get her ready for bed because I simply cannot.

I feel so completely useless and the level of pain is just beyond anything I've had for years. I've developed a lump in the bad leg that's getting bigger so seeing the doc this afternoon because I think that's making things worse. I doubt they'll do anything useful though. I can't take strong painkillers when I'm working and the sole responsible adult at home, in case I'm needed in the night etc so one must just grit one's teeth and soldier on.

*Rant ends*"

I'm so sorry to read this.

Does your local authority have access to the free stair lift scheme?

My dad's authority Stockton on Tees did. We contacted them 2 years ago they did an assessment and then fitted a stair lift free of charge. This asnt means tested in anyway either so your finances was irrelevant.

You don't own the stair lift and they will only remove it when it's not required anymore.

Sending love

KJ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just needed to release the words and emotion, and doing it here is totally acceptable. We care about you Mrs KC.

You don't need reassurances from me that you're doing a great job because you already know that you are.

You are actually doing a very sensible thing which is to consider all of the factors for the daily routine, consider the additional difficulty from the heightened pain in your leg...which you are addressing, and have identified that you can source support during this moment from your brother. Who I can very well imagine would help you in heartbeat as you would for him.

When I had surgery recently I felt really frustrated and a whole host of emotions because I needed to accept help from others. They did it because they loved me, I learned to accept their help knowing that I will repay their kindness when able to.

Sending you a caring hug. Good luck for your gp appointment later too.

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just want to add I bet your a hero to your child and how she's see you take on life regardless of physical set backs will help positively shape her future, of that I've no doubt x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You rant as much as you like. All that's happening is out of your control so you are definitely not a bad mom. I hope your colleague returns soon and your Dr's appointment goes well

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West

My colleague returned after her meeting (an hour) and fixed my wheel, so at least I've been to the loo!! I'm just shovelling jacket pot down my gullet so that I can leave for the GP appt. The prospect of lifting my wheelchair in/out of the car here at work and again at the docs is just

Mr KC usually comes out to the work car park and lifts it for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My colleague returned after her meeting (an hour) and fixed my wheel, so at least I've been to the loo!! I'm just shovelling jacket pot down my gullet so that I can leave for the GP appt. The prospect of lifting my wheelchair in/out of the car here at work and again at the docs is just

Mr KC usually comes out to the work car park and lifts it for me "

How about asking a colleague to give you a hand lifting the chair into the car? I know you will need to sort it at the doctors but it one less lift for you to do.

I wish I was closer.

NBVN x

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West


"My colleague returned after her meeting (an hour) and fixed my wheel, so at least I've been to the loo!! I'm just shovelling jacket pot down my gullet so that I can leave for the GP appt. The prospect of lifting my wheelchair in/out of the car here at work and again at the docs is just

Mr KC usually comes out to the work car park and lifts it for me

How about asking a colleague to give you a hand lifting the chair into the car? I know you will need to sort it at the doctors but it one less lift for you to do.

I wish I was closer.

NBVN x"

Very few people around at the mo. Lots WFH. Colleague who did the wheel is busy unfortunately. Sometimes the security guard will help if there's someone else with him. He's nice guy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you call in sick tomorrow or wfh? Hope it gets better. xx

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

So sorry to hear you're struggling.

Are there any other parents from school that could help? We often used to take it in turns if one of us was incapacitated in any way. Picking up, doing the dinner or having a sleep over.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Aww,I'm sorry to read this

You're coping with alot on your own ,no wonder you're frazzled and you sound like you've ever reason to rant.

I hope things improve soon ,big hug x

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Fingers crossed the doc can help with the lump x

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Oh sweetie! Can I do anything to help? Ring me later xx

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By *haron StonerTV/TS
over a year ago

Haywards Heath

You need a nerve blocker so even if it's useless, you can make it stump around pain free. That or the nerve cut. You can try acupuncture, I did for my bad back and lasts awhile also. I had electrics hooked up to mine while they were in my back.

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West

Status report: not especially useful trip to doc. Is convinced it's a Baker cyst (despite this previously being ruled out). Cysts are not urgent matters. Go for (another) scan - heaven knows when. See the practice physio. Take mind altering painkillers (which I can't do when in sole charge of a child). Doc "what were you hoping from this appointment?"

Sooooooo on I hobble.

Other parents at school - we don't really know any of them unfortunately. Our daughter goes to after school club every day because we are at work so we don't really get to do the chatting in the playground thing. She now goes into the playground independently to avoid me needing to get my chair out at school

What do you call a 5yo who could probably survive independently? Something like latchkey kid, but not quite the same.....

I'm WFH tomorrow but that's not a panacea because the toilet at home is upstairs. At work, I can roll in my wheelchair to the fully accessible loo on the entirely level surfaces. I just have the small issue of a 15 mile journey each way!

Mr KC has been very helpful and left me precooked food that I can microwave. Not that I didn't already know, but I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful husband and yes, I totally rely on him.

Today = *sigh*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry you're in such a pickle, I was in a wheelchair myself for a few years and know how debilitating it can be, but nowhere near as bad as your situation. Practical suggestions - does your GP or any local aid society (Red Cross, CAB etc) know where you can get a commode for downstairs use? No good for dignity, but a bog is a bog. Also, are you a member of any local neighbourhood websites? You'd be surprised how many total strangers are willing to help people in need, they just need to be asked. I responded to one the other day who just needed a lift to the hospital, then on the way back I stopped at Lidl and got their shopping for them. It was just 3 hours out of my day, but I made a new friend! Hope things get better for you.

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West

Re: stairlifts that someone mentioned above, I've struggled to get our local council occupational therapy team to come out. My referral in early 2020 got cancelled due to COVID (not delayed but completely deleted/removed). I've asked again today about an Occ Therapy referral and the GP said to see what the physio says. I paid for an independent Occ therapy person to come out but even they have struggled to get hold of our local council! Our stairs would need two separate lifts because the mini landing is unsuitable for a continuous one so this would make it prohibitively expensive to install privately. There's also other issues with the design of the stairs (1910s ex local authority house) which would need amending before a lift could go in.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

Hugs. Rant away, I am pretty good spoons wise at the moment so I'm sad I'm not near enough to help.

Do not beat yourself up about having help with the shower/getting ready for bed. You're teaching your daughter:

- that it takes more than parents to help raise a child

- what resilience looks like

- how the world is geared to the able bodied

This isn't a fix for now but could a basket pulley system work on your stairs? (Depends on if you've an open Bannister etc)... I've used similar in the past to get things downstairs that I need.

And as for toilet. I grabbed a spare potty from my mum for a downstairs wee when I'm working from home so I don't have to go upstairs.

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

That sounds really frustrating, I can understand you feeling upset about the situation. Sending lots of love your way x

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I honestly don't know what to say OP. Except rant away x

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Hugs ...you can let off steam here ... xxx

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish


"That totally sucks eh! I think you are entitled to rant. Do you not have any family that can pop in to help? I don't know what your condition is... would it not be easier to have everything you need downstairs beforehand? I mean that in the nicest way possible... no offence intended... or is it just a case of keeping things normal?

I hope you are ok and things get better? Xx

My brother is doing what he can, but he has his own 2 young children and is a postman so works shifts. At home, the only toilet/bathroom is upstairs, as are all the bedrooms so I can't avoid the stairs completely. I'm trying to get things organised so I minimise stair use, obviously.

No other family that can help. Dad is 83, in hospital with a broken C6 vertebra and dementia. Mother is estranged. In laws care for Mr KCs disabled sister and cannot help.

Friends locally - very few and none that seem able to help, no. Most moved away to the South."

Hi lovely.

Where about’s do you live? How far are you from Leyland? Busy tomorrow after work unfortunately - but if you’re not too far away and I know in advance I’ll be able to plan to help out if/when hubby is away again. Feel free to pm me if you’d prefer not to divulge your location etc on here. Xxx

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Don't feel like a bad mum. You clearly love her to pieces and learning self reliance isnt a bad thing. You are doing the best you can and it is enough.

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

Yes you are struggling but you are doing your best for your child never put yourself down some folk would give up but you are strong and carry on even with lots of pain I take my hat of to you love your doing a good job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh lovely That isn't a rant, it's totally justified and you just needed to get it out. You're a brilliant mum, please don't feel like you aren't. Wish I was closed to help. I havent got anything useful except big hugs coming your way and ear if it's wanted xxx

Pxx

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West

Thank you everyone who has commented so far and for the various offers of help from different quarters. It really is very much appreciated. After a "I'm hungry/thirsty" breakdown just before bedtime, I'm now superglued to the sofa with my leg up. One of my "things I'm struggling with" is getting a brew and carrying it into the living room. I don't want to sit next to the kettle to drink it. Can someone please put the kettle on?!

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

Don’t think you are far from me I will make you a brew I know your nice because I met you at the Manchester social last time we spoke well you said sorry because you ran over my foot but I’m not complaining your to nice for that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs KC how are you feeling today? Been thinking of you.

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry to read this OP. Made me stop and feel nothing but gratitude for the simple things. I sincerely hope you’re feeling better xx

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

Hope your feeling better. Firstly do not beat yourself up about it. Your doing your best.. you children are happy, loved and have parents that put them first obviously.

I suffer with issues too and have had to adapt my life to fit around lots of changes... I hate asking for help but have realised that in doing so I make life easier for not just me but my kids and my granddaughter who lives with me currently

I hope the doctors sorted your leg and I know what it's like to not be able to take painkillers due to commitments... hang in there. And use all the help available.... it doesn't make you weak or a bad parent.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

Oh and as to the brew thing. Perhaps invest in a machine that makes tea/ coffee/ hot chocolate and have it next to you in the living room. I have one upstairs as like you I couldn't carry it that far

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Mrs KC how are you feeling today? Been thinking of you.

NBVN x"

I feel very much like I want my leg/foot amputated! Daughter was a bit late for school 10mins) BUT she was properly dressed, fed, hair and teeth brushed etc so that's probably a win. I'm WFH so don't have to move far at home, just not looking forward to the loo trips (there's a monthly reason for needing to go up there semi frequently, unfortunately).

Basically, feel less useless than yesterday but still in a lot of pain and need to put the washer on because I need more undies

Thank you for caring, thank you to everyone who cares

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Oh and as to the brew thing. Perhaps invest in a machine that makes tea/ coffee/ hot chocolate and have it next to you in the living room. I have one upstairs as like you I couldn't carry it that far "

I've messaged Mr KC to say exactly that!

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Don’t think you are far from me I will make you a brew I know your nice because I met you at the Manchester social last time we spoke well you said sorry because you ran over my foot but I’m not complaining your to nice for that"

Sorry for running over your foot

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma


"Thank you everyone who has commented so far and for the various offers of help from different quarters. It really is very much appreciated. After a "I'm hungry/thirsty" breakdown just before bedtime, I'm now superglued to the sofa with my leg up. One of my "things I'm struggling with" is getting a brew and carrying it into the living room. I don't want to sit next to the kettle to drink it. Can someone please put the kettle on?! "

Small table with wheels? I suffered the same when I broke my leg, I had to lean on the work surface to drink and eat. Friend got me a table with wheels, I put the drink on it, sat on the table and used my good leg and crutches to scoot very slowly back to the living room.

Might not be a solution you haven't already thought of, but throwing it out there just in case

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Thank you everyone who has commented so far and for the various offers of help from different quarters. It really is very much appreciated. After a "I'm hungry/thirsty" breakdown just before bedtime, I'm now superglued to the sofa with my leg up. One of my "things I'm struggling with" is getting a brew and carrying it into the living room. I don't want to sit next to the kettle to drink it. Can someone please put the kettle on?!

Small table with wheels? I suffered the same when I broke my leg, I had to lean on the work surface to drink and eat. Friend got me a table with wheels, I put the drink on it, sat on the table and used my good leg and crutches to scoot very slowly back to the living room.

Might not be a solution you haven't already thought of, but throwing it out there just in case

"

I think I need to actually buy a walking frame on wheels, the sort with a seat/shelf. I borrowed one originally when I was first disabled but then managed without it. I think I need to admit defeat and buy myself one, though. Thank you for the suggestion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey when things are difficult you really do know who your friends are. Ask for help from someone you trust and spread the work load around untill things lighten up a bit. Ask the council for help or even the school your little one attends for some kind of help. You won't get help unless you ask for it. I really do hope things get better for you soon.

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill


"Status report: not especially useful trip to doc. Is convinced it's a Baker cyst (despite this previously being ruled out). Cysts are not urgent matters. Go for (another) scan - heaven knows when. See the practice physio. Take mind altering painkillers (which I can't do when in sole charge of a child). Doc "what were you hoping from this appointment?"

Sooooooo on I hobble.

Other parents at school - we don't really know any of them unfortunately. Our daughter goes to after school club every day because we are at work so we don't really get to do the chatting in the playground thing. She now goes into the playground independently to avoid me needing to get my chair out at school

What do you call a 5yo who could probably survive independently? Something like latchkey kid, but not quite the same.....

I'm WFH tomorrow but that's not a panacea because the toilet at home is upstairs. At work, I can roll in my wheelchair to the fully accessible loo on the entirely level surfaces. I just have the small issue of a 15 mile journey each way!

Mr KC has been very helpful and left me precooked food that I can microwave. Not that I didn't already know, but I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful husband and yes, I totally rely on him.

Today = *sigh*"

Big, big hugs to you, lovely.

My 17 year old had to cope and do things by himself from the age of 3 because I had very severe depression at the time and was unable to function. He was just as you described- he would have been able to survive perfectly on his own and that made me feel terrible. but it is incredible how resilient they are and this can only help in their lives, making rhem more confident and resourceful.

Sorry to hear that the docs appointment wasn’t helpful. And so sad that I am so far away. I might be having the odd MAN nightstop in the future, so will let you know so we can at least grab a coffee and a drink and rant together!

Abrazos, amiga!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mrs KC how are you feeling today? Been thinking of you.

NBVN x

I feel very much like I want my leg/foot amputated! Daughter was a bit late for school 10mins) BUT she was properly dressed, fed, hair and teeth brushed etc so that's probably a win. I'm WFH so don't have to move far at home, just not looking forward to the loo trips (there's a monthly reason for needing to go up there semi frequently, unfortunately).

Basically, feel less useless than yesterday but still in a lot of pain and need to put the washer on because I need more undies

Thank you for caring, thank you to everyone who cares "

Bless you, mother nature grrr

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly you are not useless, or a bad mother, you have no chosen to be in this condition, you are trying your best under challenging circumstances.

Have you applied to have some adaptions to your home? I believe you can get disability grant if you own it, otherwise direct with council if you are in social housing.

Also maybe some home help to call on from the authorities when everything comes together as it has?

How about charities too, maybe they could help you with a more reliable wheelchair?

Hope things stabilise for you, hugs x

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Firstly you are not useless, or a bad mother, you have no chosen to be in this condition, you are trying your best under challenging circumstances.

Have you applied to have some adaptions to your home? I believe you can get disability grant if you own it, otherwise direct with council if you are in social housing.

Also maybe some home help to call on from the authorities when everything comes together as it has?

How about charities too, maybe they could help you with a more reliable wheelchair?

Hope things stabilise for you, hugs x

"

Trying to get the LA people out to assess for things like home adaptations has been impossible. I've been referred twice and just cancelled. They don't answer the phone and don't have email comms. I have tried. A friend of mine who is substantially more disabled spent about 6yrs trying to sort adaptations for his house. I do want the house adapted and we're also keeping our eyes peeled for bungalows (few and far between, very VERY expensive round here now).

I have a new wheelchair on order, at a personal cost of £4500. I don't qualify for NHS wheelchair vouchers. My current chair isn't unreliable, the issue was a busted tyre which can happen with any chair. I just wasn't physically able to change the inner tube myself and with Mr KC (my usual mechanic) away, I had to ask work colleagues. They were very kind and helpful

Thank you for your post

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West


" Big, big hugs to you, lovely.

My 17 year old had to cope and do things by himself from the age of 3 because I had very severe depression at the time and was unable to function. He was just as you described- he would have been able to survive perfectly on his own and that made me feel terrible. but it is incredible how resilient they are and this can only help in their lives, making rhem more confident and resourceful.

Sorry to hear that the docs appointment wasn’t helpful. And so sad that I am so far away. I might be having the odd MAN nightstop in the future, so will let you know so we can at least grab a coffee and a drink and rant together!

Abrazos, amiga! "

Gracias, amiga

A coffee and a bun would be lovely and sorry to hear about your struggles when you were bringing up your son. We all have our challenges, oftentimes behind the scenes.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Firstly, you're doing all you can. Try not to self judge. Could you get a commode for emergency use ? I know it's not ideal. A walking trolly would help in carrying things from the kitchen. Re: occupational therapy, keep phoning. Sending hugs x

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton


"Don’t think you are far from me I will make you a brew I know your nice because I met you at the Manchester social last time we spoke well you said sorry because you ran over my foot but I’m not complaining your to nice for that

Sorry for running over your foot "

Your ok was prob my fault you was moving out the way and I went wrong way lol

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Firstly, you're doing all you can. Try not to self judge. Could you get a commode for emergency use ? I know it's not ideal. A walking trolly would help in carrying things from the kitchen. Re: occupational therapy, keep phoning. Sending hugs x"

Yes, a commode would be logical but then I have the issue of emptying during the day (which would be hard for me) and things like that. It's a difficult one (bizarrely, perhaps?)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should lodge a complaint to your housing association, work through their full complaint process then refer to ombudsman, that would kick them up the backside

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West


"You should lodge a complaint to your housing association, work through their full complaint process then refer to ombudsman, that would kick them up the backside "

We aren't in a HA house, we own our house. It is an ex local authority one but I believe it was originally purchased from the council under Right to Buy in the late 80s. The council occupational therapy dept haven't even replied to the private OT I asked to assess. We simply cannot afford the large scale adaptations. I've bought everything else myself (wheelchair, minor aids etc).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You should lodge a complaint to your housing association, work through their full complaint process then refer to ombudsman, that would kick them up the backside

We aren't in a HA house, we own our house. It is an ex local authority one but I believe it was originally purchased from the council under Right to Buy in the late 80s. The council occupational therapy dept haven't even replied to the private OT I asked to assess. We simply cannot afford the large scale adaptations. I've bought everything else myself (wheelchair, minor aids etc). "

Some councils are horrendous especially since covid I hear your frustration.

My dad owns his house but still got his stair lift the cavet is its removed once he doesn't need it which in his case is when he passes.

Jay was right you need to lodge a formal complain with the complaints investigation team at your local council inform then that if you haven't had a response by a certain date you will be taking it to the ombudsman.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/consumer/get-more-help/how-to-use-an-ombudsman-in-england/#:~:text=An%20ombudsman%20is%20a%20person,you%20complain%20to%20an%20ombudsman.

As someone who works for a local authority believe me when I say this tactic will definitely make them panic, sit up and then do what ever they can to assist you asap.

KJ

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Just to add to KJ above. If you want the council to respond quickly try going through your local councillor or MP. That normally gets you rushed through and straight to the top.

Good luck

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West

Our councillor lives in the next street. Our MP is a dork

I shall investigate and complain to the relevant authorities ASAP because yes, it's getting silly now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Re the ombudsman.

I gave my local council 30 days from the day after I sent them an email with pictures and evidence to back up my claims, and said if they didn't respond within 30 days I would just go to the ombudsman.

It worked. 2 days later I got a call and goings very rapidly moved on. It only took nearly 4 years and the threat of

Ombudsman!!

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Sending hugs

K

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West

Thank you everyone sending good wishes. Tonight, my son's girlfriend is helping

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you everyone sending good wishes. Tonight, my son's girlfriend is helping "

Sending strength KC

I am assuming you are connected with the local / NW disability support groups? It seems when Mr KC is away that you need an extra pair of hands..maybe a support group could help with this? A 'buddy' network perhaps? A WhatsApp /fb group

Then at work have you thought of asking for /setting up an employee disability group.. Could you have a 'buddy' assigned.. Or maybe a work chair to save you faffing with your chair?? Security could look after it somewhere and ensure it is brought to you when you arrive /leave?? We have priority parking and desks with accessibility for our employees with disabilities at work. You should definitely talk to your boss, the site manager, HR and your union (have some options for them to consider if possible)

I'm sorry if I'm 'teaching you to suck eggs'

Xx

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow


"You should lodge a complaint to your housing association, work through their full complaint process then refer to ombudsman, that would kick them up the backside

We aren't in a HA house, we own our house. It is an ex local authority one but I believe it was originally purchased from the council under Right to Buy in the late 80s. The council occupational therapy dept haven't even replied to the private OT I asked to assess. We simply cannot afford the large scale adaptations. I've bought everything else myself (wheelchair, minor aids etc). "

My family own their home and had adaptations by the OT team done (he is a pensioner though so that may be why) they ended up with a through floor lift as a stairlift wouldnt have worked because of the stairs setup,just keep at them until you get answers, even if it's a small bit of help like some aids to help you out to start with.

Tg x

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By *inky_couple2020 OP   Couple
over a year ago

North West

Mr KC is home, after a delayed flight, a delay in getting off the delayed plane and a delay caused by a medical episode on the shuttle bus, after the delay in getting off the delayed plane. He's tired (and hungover)

I'm very happy though

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