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Pronouns

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I want to preface this by saying I'm an advocate for just letting people be themselves and would never want to intentionally offend anyone...

I was setting up my pronouns on Bumble and noticed some I didn't recognise:

xe/xim

ze/zer

ey/em

ve/ver

co/co

per/per

Please can someone explain what these mean, and what they cover that she/her, he/him and they/them don't? At the risk of sounding ignorant I don't think I could ever wrap my head around having quite that many pronouns to remember

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By *aliceWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

There are over 100 pronouns in the English language anyway so whole it may take some adjustment you'll be fine!

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By *aliceWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Sorry I didn't actually answer the question

The ones you've listed are quite rare in terms of use but they're all for the same purpose essentially - gender neutral and non binary pronouns used by some people who don't want to use pronouns that we traditionally think of as relating to binary sex, ie he/she.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m non-binary so I identify outside of the gender binary and as such I might use these pronouns as I feel they fit my gender better; some people on the gender binary might also use them!

A lot of people don’t feel comfortable with ‘traditional’ pronouns so opt to use something out of the binary to express themselves; I’ve considered using ze/zer myself before but they didn’t fit me.

It’s the same with Mr, Mrs, Miss and Mx. I use Mx. As it’s what I’m comfortable with identifying out of the gender binary!

There are a lot to learn but honestly you’ll get your head around it and technically you don’t even need to learn; as long as you can respect a person’s pronouns when they tell you them then it’s all good!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Sorry I didn't actually answer the question

The ones you've listed are quite rare in terms of use but they're all for the same purpose essentially - gender neutral and non binary pronouns used by some people who don't want to use pronouns that we traditionally think of as relating to binary sex, ie he/she.

"

Xe was quite popular in my social circles when I was at university

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"I want to preface this by saying I'm an advocate for just letting people be themselves and would never want to intentionally offend anyone...

I was setting up my pronouns on Bumble and noticed some I didn't recognise:

xe/xim

ze/zer

ey/em

ve/ver

co/co

per/per

Please can someone explain what these mean, and what they cover that she/her, he/him and they/them don't? At the risk of sounding ignorant I don't think I could ever wrap my head around having quite that many pronouns to remember "

Most of them are neo-pronouns, and attempts at having non-gendered pronouns which are not they/them because of teh backlash over singular they/them.

From Wikipedia:

Neopronouns are a category of neologistic English third-person personal pronouns beyond 'he', 'she', 'they', 'one', and 'it'.[1] Neopronouns are preferred by some non-binary individuals who feel that neopronouns provide options to reflect their gender identity more accurately than conventional pronouns.[2][3]

Neopronouns may be words created to serve as pronouns such as 'ze/hir' or 'noun-self' pronouns where existing words are turned into personal pronouns such as 'fae/faer'.[4] Some neopronouns allude to they/them, such as 'ey/em', a form of Spivak pronoun.[5]

A survey by The Trevor Project in 2020 found that 4% of LGBT+ youth used neopronouns.[6] The 2021 Gender Census of non-binary people reported that the most popular neopronoun was xe/xem, used by 8.5% of those who took the survey.[7]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them.

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester


"Sorry I didn't actually answer the question

The ones you've listed are quite rare in terms of use but they're all for the same purpose essentially - gender neutral and non binary pronouns used by some people who don't want to use pronouns that we traditionally think of as relating to binary sex, ie he/she.

Xe was quite popular in my social circles when I was at university "

How do you pronounce Xe?

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"Sorry I didn't actually answer the question

The ones you've listed are quite rare in terms of use but they're all for the same purpose essentially - gender neutral and non binary pronouns used by some people who don't want to use pronouns that we traditionally think of as relating to binary sex, ie he/she.

Xe was quite popular in my social circles when I was at university

How do you pronounce Xe? "

The first sylable of xylophone would be Xi

So just shift the end of that to a more e sound (this could be a really bad explanation)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry I didn't actually answer the question

The ones you've listed are quite rare in terms of use but they're all for the same purpose essentially - gender neutral and non binary pronouns used by some people who don't want to use pronouns that we traditionally think of as relating to binary sex, ie he/she.

Xe was quite popular in my social circles when I was at university

How do you pronounce Xe? "

Zee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry I didn't actually answer the question

The ones you've listed are quite rare in terms of use but they're all for the same purpose essentially - gender neutral and non binary pronouns used by some people who don't want to use pronouns that we traditionally think of as relating to binary sex, ie he/she.

Xe was quite popular in my social circles when I was at university

How do you pronounce Xe? "

Zee

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By *heBirminghamWeekendMan
over a year ago

here

If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?"

Same as Xe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?"

The same

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By *heBirminghamWeekendMan
over a year ago

here


"If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?

The same "

Why would one person use Ze and another use Xe, and during a verbal conversation how would you know if the person you are conversing with is using Ze or Xe?

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

...so they're all effectively the same (non-specific), the list just reflects the most common ones that people have chosen?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...so they're all effectively the same (non-specific), the list just reflects the most common ones that people have chosen?"

They’re the same. Language and culture differences but basically same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?

The same

Why would one person use Ze and another use Xe, and during a verbal conversation how would you know if the person you are conversing with is using Ze or Xe?"

If it’s during a verbal conversation it doesn’t matter as they are pronounce the same; but it matters when it’s written. If you write Xe when you mean Ze then just apologise and move on. The same way break and brake are pronounced the same but when written they need to be correct to avoid miscommunication

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Sorry I didn't actually answer the question

The ones you've listed are quite rare in terms of use but they're all for the same purpose essentially - gender neutral and non binary pronouns used by some people who don't want to use pronouns that we traditionally think of as relating to binary sex, ie he/she.

Xe was quite popular in my social circles when I was at university

How do you pronounce Xe? "

It was "zee" in my circles

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London


"If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?

The same

Why would one person use Ze and another use Xe, and during a verbal conversation how would you know if the person you are conversing with is using Ze or Xe?"

Why would one person be called Sean, and another Shawn, and how would you know when conversing which they are using?

(my point being we have no issue with names we don't know the spelling of, or even names we've never heard before, and there's no reason pronouns should be different)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?

The same

Why would one person use Ze and another use Xe, and during a verbal conversation how would you know if the person you are conversing with is using Ze or Xe?

Why would one person be called Sean, and another Shawn, and how would you know when conversing which they are using?

(my point being we have no issue with names we don't know the spelling of, or even names we've never heard before, and there's no reason pronouns should be different) "

Quite.

(I did once come across a small group of people who insisted that my given name - a very common given name with traditional spelling - was phonetically incorrect and so called me what they thought was correct after I told them my name verbally. They were gigantic flaming douchebags, as much as anyone would be about pronouns)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them. "

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"...so they're all effectively the same (non-specific), the list just reflects the most common ones that people have chosen?

They’re the same. Language and culture differences but basically same. "

Thanks. This seems over the top to me - I've no issue with there being a non-specific third way, but given that all involved are choosing arbitrarily, where's the harm in all having the same one?

If the EU can force apple to adopt the USB C standard, surely we can have a universal non-binary pronoun?

Wouldn't it be uniting?

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By *heBirminghamWeekendMan
over a year ago

here


"If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?

The same

Why would one person use Ze and another use Xe, and during a verbal conversation how would you know if the person you are conversing with is using Ze or Xe?

If it’s during a verbal conversation it doesn’t matter as they are pronounce the same; but it matters when it’s written. If you write Xe when you mean Ze then just apologise and move on. The same way break and brake are pronounced the same but when written they need to be correct to avoid miscommunication "

Break and Brake sound the same, but have a different meaning.

Why does one person choose Ze and another Xe for written dialogue ?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"...so they're all effectively the same (non-specific), the list just reflects the most common ones that people have chosen?

They’re the same. Language and culture differences but basically same.

Thanks. This seems over the top to me - I've no issue with there being a non-specific third way, but given that all involved are choosing arbitrarily, where's the harm in all having the same one?

If the EU can force apple to adopt the USB C standard, surely we can have a universal non-binary pronoun?

Wouldn't it be uniting?"

These things have arisen organically and will thus have some variety.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...so they're all effectively the same (non-specific), the list just reflects the most common ones that people have chosen?

They’re the same. Language and culture differences but basically same.

Thanks. This seems over the top to me - I've no issue with there being a non-specific third way, but given that all involved are choosing arbitrarily, where's the harm in all having the same one?

If the EU can force apple to adopt the USB C standard, surely we can have a universal non-binary pronoun?

Wouldn't it be uniting?"

I completely agree. This is wokery at its worst and most detrimental. I’m not into gender identity politics, most people who know me use a female pronoun and that’s fine, a few use male, also fine. The proliferation of pronouns and labels annoys the hell out of me.

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"...so they're all effectively the same (non-specific), the list just reflects the most common ones that people have chosen?

They’re the same. Language and culture differences but basically same.

Thanks. This seems over the top to me - I've no issue with there being a non-specific third way, but given that all involved are choosing arbitrarily, where's the harm in all having the same one?

If the EU can force apple to adopt the USB C standard, surely we can have a universal non-binary pronoun?

Wouldn't it be uniting?"

But not all Non-Binary people are the same, you have Demi Boys & Girls who have close ties to the traditional "binary", you have Agender folx who want nothing to do with gender.

It is no more work that remembering someone's name.

If we normalise asking pronouns as well as name when being introduced... thats what will bring invlusion and unity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?

The same

Why would one person use Ze and another use Xe, and during a verbal conversation how would you know if the person you are conversing with is using Ze or Xe?

If it’s during a verbal conversation it doesn’t matter as they are pronounce the same; but it matters when it’s written. If you write Xe when you mean Ze then just apologise and move on. The same way break and brake are pronounced the same but when written they need to be correct to avoid miscommunication

Break and Brake sound the same, but have a different meaning.

Why does one person choose Ze and another Xe for written dialogue ?

"

As they each have their own identity; Ze and Xe also don’t mean the same. It’s down to each person and their own identity.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"...so they're all effectively the same (non-specific), the list just reflects the most common ones that people have chosen?

They’re the same. Language and culture differences but basically same.

Thanks. This seems over the top to me - I've no issue with there being a non-specific third way, but given that all involved are choosing arbitrarily, where's the harm in all having the same one?

If the EU can force apple to adopt the USB C standard, surely we can have a universal non-binary pronoun?

Wouldn't it be uniting?

But not all Non-Binary people are the same, you have Demi Boys & Girls who have close ties to the traditional "binary", you have Agender folx who want nothing to do with gender.

It is no more work that remembering someone's name.

If we normalise asking pronouns as well as name when being introduced... thats what will bring invlusion and unity"

Forcing people to assimilate for the convenience of others is a bit 19th century to me

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...so they're all effectively the same (non-specific), the list just reflects the most common ones that people have chosen?

They’re the same. Language and culture differences but basically same.

Thanks. This seems over the top to me - I've no issue with there being a non-specific third way, but given that all involved are choosing arbitrarily, where's the harm in all having the same one?

If the EU can force apple to adopt the USB C standard, surely we can have a universal non-binary pronoun?

Wouldn't it be uniting?

But not all Non-Binary people are the same, you have Demi Boys & Girls who have close ties to the traditional "binary", you have Agender folx who want nothing to do with gender.

It is no more work that remembering someone's name.

If we normalise asking pronouns as well as name when being introduced... thats what will bring invlusion and unity

Forcing people to assimilate for the convenience of others is a bit 19th century to me "

Agreed

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

How the hell can Xim or Zer be seen to be gender neutral?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How the hell can Xim or Zer be seen to be gender neutral?"

How can they not?

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"How the hell can Xim or Zer be seen to be gender neutral?"

They arent all entirely gender neutral, they are more terms for those who consider themselves not entirely a gender. Like Demi-Boy and Demi-Girl

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By *heBirminghamWeekendMan
over a year ago

here


"If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?

The same

Why would one person use Ze and another use Xe, and during a verbal conversation how would you know if the person you are conversing with is using Ze or Xe?

If it’s during a verbal conversation it doesn’t matter as they are pronounce the same; but it matters when it’s written. If you write Xe when you mean Ze then just apologise and move on. The same way break and brake are pronounced the same but when written they need to be correct to avoid miscommunication

Break and Brake sound the same, but have a different meaning.

Why does one person choose Ze and another Xe for written dialogue ?

As they each have their own identity; Ze and Xe also don’t mean the same. It’s down to each person and their own identity. "

Wasn’t really suggesting Ze and Xe are the same - sure they sound the same in verbal dialogue, but for written they are different. So what draws one person to use Ze and another to Xe. What is it in a persons character that they feel more affinity with the Z rather than the X?

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley


"How the hell can Xim or Zer be seen to be gender neutral?

How can they not? "

Fairly obviously, I would have thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If Xe is pronounced ‘zee’ how would you pronounce Ze?

The same

Why would one person use Ze and another use Xe, and during a verbal conversation how would you know if the person you are conversing with is using Ze or Xe?

If it’s during a verbal conversation it doesn’t matter as they are pronounce the same; but it matters when it’s written. If you write Xe when you mean Ze then just apologise and move on. The same way break and brake are pronounced the same but when written they need to be correct to avoid miscommunication

Break and Brake sound the same, but have a different meaning.

Why does one person choose Ze and another Xe for written dialogue ?

As they each have their own identity; Ze and Xe also don’t mean the same. It’s down to each person and their own identity.

Wasn’t really suggesting Ze and Xe are the same - sure they sound the same in verbal dialogue, but for written they are different. So what draws one person to use Ze and another to Xe. What is it in a persons character that they feel more affinity with the Z rather than the X?"

I’m not the best person to ask as I don’t use those pronouns so I can offer any solid opinion I’m sorry

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"Wasn’t really suggesting Ze and Xe are the same - sure they sound the same in verbal dialogue, but for written they are different. So what draws one person to use Ze and another to Xe. What is it in a persons character that they feel more affinity with the Z rather than the X?"

Why are people drawn to calling their child Stephen and not Steven? It really is something you would have to ask the individual

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"

Forcing people to assimilate for the convenience of others is a bit 19th century to me "

Ok, I get that. Is it a permanent open season, then, the logical endpoint of which is 10 billion people each with their own pronouns? Or will everybody be happy identifying with one of a dozen pre-existing options?

(I'm not asking you, I'm wondering generally)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"How the hell can Xim or Zer be seen to be gender neutral?

How can they not?

Fairly obviously, I would have thought."

I mean, only if you think that words are categorised because they're similar.

Ban, van, and can are all masculine because of their similarity to man, yes? Or is that utterly asinine?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them. "

I like this way of thinking. It's awonderful world with new possibilties. I think that gets confused with peoples willingness to lord it over someone else. If there's no bad intentions, just a slip up or mistake then whats the point in being offended? Surely just a conversation will do. If the person is being insulting then fuck yeah, be offended. Seems to me a lot of folk are wanting to be outraged at something and that does just as much damage.

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"

Forcing people to assimilate for the convenience of others is a bit 19th century to me

Ok, I get that. Is it a permanent open season, then, the logical endpoint of which is 10 billion people each with their own pronouns? Or will everybody be happy identifying with one of a dozen pre-existing options?

(I'm not asking you, I'm wondering generally)

"

We are ok with thousands of different names, having an expanded set of pronouns that allow people to be comfortable in who they are would be pretty damn amazing in my book.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

Forcing people to assimilate for the convenience of others is a bit 19th century to me

Ok, I get that. Is it a permanent open season, then, the logical endpoint of which is 10 billion people each with their own pronouns? Or will everybody be happy identifying with one of a dozen pre-existing options?

(I'm not asking you, I'm wondering generally)

We are ok with thousands of different names, having an expanded set of pronouns that allow people to be comfortable in who they are would be pretty damn amazing in my book."

And we used to be in a place where we said "that name is too exotic, I'm just going to call you Bruce/Sheila, because that's a normal name". Fortunately we've relegated that bullshit to the dustbin of history.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them.

I like this way of thinking. It's awonderful world with new possibilties. I think that gets confused with peoples willingness to lord it over someone else. If there's no bad intentions, just a slip up or mistake then whats the point in being offended? Surely just a conversation will do. If the person is being insulting then fuck yeah, be offended. Seems to me a lot of folk are wanting to be outraged at something and that does just as much damage. "

Most trans people or at least in my experience don’t get offended when someone mistakenly misgenders us. If they correct themselves and move on and use the correct ones the next time then it’s fine: if someone is purposely misgendering me then it’s a different story yes but most trans people don’t care if people slip up

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them.

I like this way of thinking. It's awonderful world with new possibilties. I think that gets confused with peoples willingness to lord it over someone else. If there's no bad intentions, just a slip up or mistake then whats the point in being offended? Surely just a conversation will do. If the person is being insulting then fuck yeah, be offended. Seems to me a lot of folk are wanting to be outraged at something and that does just as much damage. "

VERY FEW people who use anything other than she/he get offended by people getting it wrong... it is when people deliberately and repeatedly choose to ignore their chosen pronouns, that's when it is considered problematic.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them.

I like this way of thinking. It's awonderful world with new possibilties. I think that gets confused with peoples willingness to lord it over someone else. If there's no bad intentions, just a slip up or mistake then whats the point in being offended? Surely just a conversation will do. If the person is being insulting then fuck yeah, be offended. Seems to me a lot of folk are wanting to be outraged at something and that does just as much damage.

Most trans people or at least in my experience don’t get offended when someone mistakenly misgenders us. If they correct themselves and move on and use the correct ones the next time then it’s fine: if someone is purposely misgendering me then it’s a different story yes but most trans people don’t care if people slip up "

Yes, but this whole thing is mostly DARVO.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"

But not all Non-Binary people are the same, you have Demi Boys & Girls who have close ties to the traditional "binary", you have Agender folx who want nothing to do with gender.

"

But none of those line up with specific pronouns? (I'm inferring, I know).

All of OPs list would strike me as "nothing to do with gender", and I see that the Demis usage overlaps with the binaries a bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them.

I like this way of thinking. It's awonderful world with new possibilties. I think that gets confused with peoples willingness to lord it over someone else. If there's no bad intentions, just a slip up or mistake then whats the point in being offended? Surely just a conversation will do. If the person is being insulting then fuck yeah, be offended. Seems to me a lot of folk are wanting to be outraged at something and that does just as much damage.

Most trans people or at least in my experience don’t get offended when someone mistakenly misgenders us. If they correct themselves and move on and use the correct ones the next time then it’s fine: if someone is purposely misgendering me then it’s a different story yes but most trans people don’t care if people slip up

Yes, but this whole thing is mostly DARVO."

That’s true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them.

I like this way of thinking. It's awonderful world with new possibilties. I think that gets confused with peoples willingness to lord it over someone else. If there's no bad intentions, just a slip up or mistake then whats the point in being offended? Surely just a conversation will do. If the person is being insulting then fuck yeah, be offended. Seems to me a lot of folk are wanting to be outraged at something and that does just as much damage. "

It’s everywhere and often more interesting than damaging. But to me people like Bowie, Boy George, Pete Burns, Jeffree Star are interesting.

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them.

I like this way of thinking. It's awonderful world with new possibilties. I think that gets confused with peoples willingness to lord it over someone else. If there's no bad intentions, just a slip up or mistake then whats the point in being offended? Surely just a conversation will do. If the person is being insulting then fuck yeah, be offended. Seems to me a lot of folk are wanting to be outraged at something and that does just as much damage.

Most trans people or at least in my experience don’t get offended when someone mistakenly misgenders us. If they correct themselves and move on and use the correct ones the next time then it’s fine: if someone is purposely misgendering me then it’s a different story yes but most trans people don’t care if people slip up

Yes, but this whole thing is mostly DARVO.

That’s true "

DARVO is the only tool in many's toolbox. Cos they don;t have an actual argument

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heBirminghamWeekendMan
over a year ago

here


"Wasn’t really suggesting Ze and Xe are the same - sure they sound the same in verbal dialogue, but for written they are different. So what draws one person to use Ze and another to Xe. What is it in a persons character that they feel more affinity with the Z rather than the X?

Why are people drawn to calling their child Stephen and not Steven? It really is something you would have to ask the individual"

Which I’m interested in finding out. If choosing Ze rather then Xe is about choice and character, what character does Ze portray that Xe doesn’t ?

Would a parent define their new borns pronoun - in most cases this is a choice you make yourself?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them.

I like this way of thinking. It's awonderful world with new possibilties. I think that gets confused with peoples willingness to lord it over someone else. If there's no bad intentions, just a slip up or mistake then whats the point in being offended? Surely just a conversation will do. If the person is being insulting then fuck yeah, be offended. Seems to me a lot of folk are wanting to be outraged at something and that does just as much damage.

Most trans people or at least in my experience don’t get offended when someone mistakenly misgenders us. If they correct themselves and move on and use the correct ones the next time then it’s fine: if someone is purposely misgendering me then it’s a different story yes but most trans people don’t care if people slip up

Yes, but this whole thing is mostly DARVO.

That’s true

DARVO is the only tool in many's toolbox. Cos they don;t have an actual argument"

Quite

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them.

I like this way of thinking. It's awonderful world with new possibilties. I think that gets confused with peoples willingness to lord it over someone else. If there's no bad intentions, just a slip up or mistake then whats the point in being offended? Surely just a conversation will do. If the person is being insulting then fuck yeah, be offended. Seems to me a lot of folk are wanting to be outraged at something and that does just as much damage.

Most trans people or at least in my experience don’t get offended when someone mistakenly misgenders us. If they correct themselves and move on and use the correct ones the next time then it’s fine: if someone is purposely misgendering me then it’s a different story yes but most trans people don’t care if people slip up "

I think this is true. Just for clarity I was meaning in general, not suggesting this is what trans people are mostly like. I do have a lot of experience with the outraged folk but to be honest it's usually not the people in question, it's the folk supposedly fighting on behalf of said people.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"

We are ok with thousands of different names, having an expanded set of pronouns that allow people to be comfortable in who they are would be pretty damn amazing in my book."

Understood, thanks to all.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I live this and got so fed up with pronouns causing people anxiety I just tell people use whichever pronoun they feel applies to me. I don’t get worked up about them.

I like this way of thinking. It's awonderful world with new possibilties. I think that gets confused with peoples willingness to lord it over someone else. If there's no bad intentions, just a slip up or mistake then whats the point in being offended? Surely just a conversation will do. If the person is being insulting then fuck yeah, be offended. Seems to me a lot of folk are wanting to be outraged at something and that does just as much damage.

Most trans people or at least in my experience don’t get offended when someone mistakenly misgenders us. If they correct themselves and move on and use the correct ones the next time then it’s fine: if someone is purposely misgendering me then it’s a different story yes but most trans people don’t care if people slip up

Yes, but this whole thing is mostly DARVO.

That’s true

DARVO is the only tool in many's toolbox. Cos they don;t have an actual argument

Quite "

Whats DARVO?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"Whats DARVO? "

DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

"

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time. "

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me "

Oh I adore that

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me "

I'm totally on board with this.

Gender neutral pet name, "that person" or (insert description here) or name in lieu of pronouns, if it's all too hard.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me

I'm totally on board with this.

Gender neutral pet name, "that person" or (insert description here) or name in lieu of pronouns, if it's all too hard. "

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whats DARVO?

DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender""

That's intense!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me "

I've got a friend who calls me sausage and it makes me feel all lovely inside.

To be fair dahlink would as well.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whats DARVO?

DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender"

That's intense! "

You never heard of that? It’s the Trump playbook.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me

I'm totally on board with this.

Gender neutral pet name, "that person" or (insert description here) or name in lieu of pronouns, if it's all too hard.

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks"

Yes.

I'll try to call someone what they want to be called, but failing that, I'll just... avoid the problem

(Although I do, as most people do, default to "they" as a neutral pronoun. The only other constructions I know - he or one - are wildly archaic)

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me

I'm totally on board with this.

Gender neutral pet name, "that person" or (insert description here) or name in lieu of pronouns, if it's all too hard.

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks

Yes.

I'll try to call someone what they want to be called, but failing that, I'll just... avoid the problem

(Although I do, as most people do, default to "they" as a neutral pronoun. The only other constructions I know - he or one - are wildly archaic)"

But isn’t using “they” using the incorrect pronoun in itself?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a (male) gets arsey with me I call them poppet.

My god the reaction is hi.ar.ious

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you think people are defensive because we're fed dogshit through various forms?

I work in quite a woke environment and it's not helpful. Puts people on edge really.

Certain people show affection by taking the piss. When they aren't allowed to do that then it's going to have a negative affect towards people such as trans folk etc. But if it's not trans folk who are bothered mostly then it really doesn't help anyone get along.

These are just musings and based on experience. Myself, I don't care really. I've learned to just take people as I find them and I usually have more in common with folk who are nothing like me

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

How do you point someone out in a packed room if they are wearing generic clothing?

I had this problem in a school when all the boys had black hair and wore a blazer.

I decided on rows and columns of desks.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If a (male) gets arsey with me I call them poppet.

My god the reaction is hi.ar.ious"

My friend calls me poppet too!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me

I'm totally on board with this.

Gender neutral pet name, "that person" or (insert description here) or name in lieu of pronouns, if it's all too hard.

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks

Yes.

I'll try to call someone what they want to be called, but failing that, I'll just... avoid the problem

(Although I do, as most people do, default to "they" as a neutral pronoun. The only other constructions I know - he or one - are wildly archaic)

But isn’t using “they” using the incorrect pronoun in itself? "

They is a gender free pronoun rather than a non-binary pronoun. Technically the Singular They is a catch all if you do not know a pronoun, and can be used until you have that knowledge, at least thats how I understand and use it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me

I'm totally on board with this.

Gender neutral pet name, "that person" or (insert description here) or name in lieu of pronouns, if it's all too hard.

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks

Yes.

I'll try to call someone what they want to be called, but failing that, I'll just... avoid the problem

(Although I do, as most people do, default to "they" as a neutral pronoun. The only other constructions I know - he or one - are wildly archaic)

But isn’t using “they” using the incorrect pronoun in itself? "

No.

In contemporary English, if you don't know the gender of the person you're talking about, or the person is hypothetical, "they" is standard usage. (See what I wrote above "I'll call someone what they want to be called")

It's unfortunate that "they" (unclear/hypothetical) is the same word as "they" (non binary singular), but... Language is never all that logical

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whats DARVO?

DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender"

That's intense!

You never heard of that? It’s the Trump playbook. "

Who's Trump?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you think people are defensive because we're fed dogshit through various forms?

I work in quite a woke environment and it's not helpful. Puts people on edge really.

Certain people show affection by taking the piss. When they aren't allowed to do that then it's going to have a negative affect towards people such as trans folk etc. But if it's not trans folk who are bothered mostly then it really doesn't help anyone get along.

These are just musings and based on experience. Myself, I don't care really. I've learned to just take people as I find them and I usually have more in common with folk who are nothing like me "

Can’t speak for trans folk. Can only speak for queer queens. We’re viciously direct and that’s how we roll.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me

I'm totally on board with this.

Gender neutral pet name, "that person" or (insert description here) or name in lieu of pronouns, if it's all too hard.

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks

Yes.

I'll try to call someone what they want to be called, but failing that, I'll just... avoid the problem

(Although I do, as most people do, default to "they" as a neutral pronoun. The only other constructions I know - he or one - are wildly archaic)

But isn’t using “they” using the incorrect pronoun in itself?

They is a gender free pronoun rather than a non-binary pronoun. Technically the Singular They is a catch all if you do not know a pronoun, and can be used until you have that knowledge, at least thats how I understand and use it."

Yes, they is a collective.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair


"How do you pronounce Xe?"

I'm equally ignorant on this but "Xe" in "Xerxes" (from Classical history) was pronounced 'Zayer-Sieze'.

So would it be "Zay"...?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire/Northwest

Lmao i can't believe people actually do all this crap Mr

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Call yourself what you want, but if I get it wrong and you are condescending or abusive instead of informing me, you'll be called a cunt.

I just call everyone sweetie. Or dahlink. Saves time.

My gay friends (who are getting married next weekend ) call everyone sausage.

Hello sausage works for me

I'm totally on board with this.

Gender neutral pet name, "that person" or (insert description here) or name in lieu of pronouns, if it's all too hard.

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks

Yes.

I'll try to call someone what they want to be called, but failing that, I'll just... avoid the problem

(Although I do, as most people do, default to "they" as a neutral pronoun. The only other constructions I know - he or one - are wildly archaic)

But isn’t using “they” using the incorrect pronoun in itself?

They is a gender free pronoun rather than a non-binary pronoun. Technically the Singular They is a catch all if you do not know a pronoun, and can be used until you have that knowledge, at least thats how I understand and use it.

Yes, they is a collective.

"

Three usages

They - third person singular, non binary

They - third person singular, indeterminate

They - third person plural

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago

Boo's World


"Do you think people are defensive because we're fed dogshit through various forms?

I work in quite a woke environment and it's not helpful. Puts people on edge really.

Certain people show affection by taking the piss. When they aren't allowed to do that then it's going to have a negative affect towards people such as trans folk etc. But if it's not trans folk who are bothered mostly then it really doesn't help anyone get along.

These are just musings and based on experience. Myself, I don't care really. I've learned to just take people as I find them and I usually have more in common with folk who are nothing like me

Can’t speak for trans folk. Can only speak for queer queens. We’re viciously direct and that’s how we roll. "

Sounds like the easier option to be fair, straight to the point and no bollocking around with half made up words.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"How do you pronounce Xe?

I'm equally ignorant on this but "Xe" in "Xerxes" (from Classical history) was pronounced 'Zayer-Sieze'.

So would it be "Zay"...? "

xenon is zeh-non

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

But isn’t using “they” using the incorrect pronoun in itself?

No.

In contemporary English, if you don't know the gender of the person you're talking about, or the person is hypothetical, "they" is standard usage. (See what I wrote above "I'll call someone what they want to be called")

It's unfortunate that "they" (unclear/hypothetical) is the same word as "they" (non binary singular), but... Language is never all that logical "

Cool, well then problem solved then. I’ll call everyone “they”, and not bother with any other pronouns in case I accidentally offend anyone by getting theirs / xems / zes etc wrong..

That’s a big help, genuinely, as I don’t want to intentionally upset anyone.

“They” it is, then

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"Sounds like the easier option to be fair, straight to the point and no bollocking around with half made up words. "

All words are made up sweety, it is how we got them in the first place...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you think people are defensive because we're fed dogshit through various forms?

I work in quite a woke environment and it's not helpful. Puts people on edge really.

Certain people show affection by taking the piss. When they aren't allowed to do that then it's going to have a negative affect towards people such as trans folk etc. But if it's not trans folk who are bothered mostly then it really doesn't help anyone get along.

These are just musings and based on experience. Myself, I don't care really. I've learned to just take people as I find them and I usually have more in common with folk who are nothing like me

Can’t speak for trans folk. Can only speak for queer queens. We’re viciously direct and that’s how we roll. "

queer queens!! Another thing I've not heard.

I like direct. Situations start off simple and then get complicated with all these er, complications. People have their own experiences which makes them react in different ways. Before you know it it explodes. The cause could be a simple misunderstanding or something that could be solved by taking a breath.

Maybe I'm being a bit naive and most people are wankers. I like to think most just kinda want to get along. I'll keep that for now, hope innit

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"

But isn’t using “they” using the incorrect pronoun in itself?

No.

In contemporary English, if you don't know the gender of the person you're talking about, or the person is hypothetical, "they" is standard usage. (See what I wrote above "I'll call someone what they want to be called")

It's unfortunate that "they" (unclear/hypothetical) is the same word as "they" (non binary singular), but... Language is never all that logical

Cool, well then problem solved then. I’ll call everyone “they”, and not bother with any other pronouns in case I accidentally offend anyone by getting theirs / xems / zes etc wrong..

That’s a big help, genuinely, as I don’t want to intentionally upset anyone.

“They” it is, then "

Well until you learn if their prefeed pronouns are something specific, great plan!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago

Boo's World


"Sounds like the easier option to be fair, straight to the point and no bollocking around with half made up words.

All words are made up sweety, it is how we got them in the first place..."

I'm definitely no sweety.... sweetheart

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread seems quite nice.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you think people are defensive because we're fed dogshit through various forms?

I work in quite a woke environment and it's not helpful. Puts people on edge really.

Certain people show affection by taking the piss. When they aren't allowed to do that then it's going to have a negative affect towards people such as trans folk etc. But if it's not trans folk who are bothered mostly then it really doesn't help anyone get along.

These are just musings and based on experience. Myself, I don't care really. I've learned to just take people as I find them and I usually have more in common with folk who are nothing like me

Can’t speak for trans folk. Can only speak for queer queens. We’re viciously direct and that’s how we roll.

queer queens!! Another thing I've not heard.

I like direct. Situations start off simple and then get complicated with all these er, complications. People have their own experiences which makes them react in different ways. Before you know it it explodes. The cause could be a simple misunderstanding or something that could be solved by taking a breath.

Maybe I'm being a bit naive and most people are wankers. I like to think most just kinda want to get along. I'll keep that for now, hope innit "

While they all arguing about gender neutral pronouns I slip past to the bar like a slinky cat. It’s all good.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"Sounds like the easier option to be fair, straight to the point and no bollocking around with half made up words.

All words are made up sweety, it is how we got them in the first place...

I'm definitely no sweety.... sweetheart "

Then I shall endeavour, to not call you that again.

And that's how respecting people's identity works.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

But isn’t using “they” using the incorrect pronoun in itself?

No.

In contemporary English, if you don't know the gender of the person you're talking about, or the person is hypothetical, "they" is standard usage. (See what I wrote above "I'll call someone what they want to be called")

It's unfortunate that "they" (unclear/hypothetical) is the same word as "they" (non binary singular), but... Language is never all that logical

Cool, well then problem solved then. I’ll call everyone “they”, and not bother with any other pronouns in case I accidentally offend anyone by getting theirs / xems / zes etc wrong..

That’s a big help, genuinely, as I don’t want to intentionally upset anyone.

“They” it is, then

Well until you learn if their prefeed pronouns are something specific, great plan!"

Treating people as they want to be treated is awesome.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dahlinks, sweeties, sausages, poppets, bishes, boujees it’s been interesting. Time I was off to bed.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks"

I've used "guys" as a generic catch all in group situations for years, in the same way as Essex Tom's catchphrase.

I truly don't see that as denying anyone's existence/status.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

But isn’t using “they” using the incorrect pronoun in itself?

No.

In contemporary English, if you don't know the gender of the person you're talking about, or the person is hypothetical, "they" is standard usage. (See what I wrote above "I'll call someone what they want to be called")

It's unfortunate that "they" (unclear/hypothetical) is the same word as "they" (non binary singular), but... Language is never all that logical

Cool, well then problem solved then. I’ll call everyone “they”, and not bother with any other pronouns in case I accidentally offend anyone by getting theirs / xems / zes etc wrong..

That’s a big help, genuinely, as I don’t want to intentionally upset anyone.

“They” it is, then

Well until you learn if their prefeed pronouns are something specific, great plan!

Treating people as they want to be treated is awesome."

It absolutely is, I agree. I wish all sides of the identity politics divide was in agreement.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks

I've used "guys" as a generic catch all in group situations for years, in the same way as Essex Tom's catchphrase.

I truly don't see that as denying anyone's existence/status.

"

It's not something I'm particularly sensitive too - as in, I don't mind being called one of the guys - but I'm aware it does bother some people, so I attempt to desist.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks

I've used "guys" as a generic catch all in group situations for years, in the same way as Essex Tom's catchphrase.

I truly don't see that as denying anyone's existence/status.

"

I understand where you come from, for me it is a matter of impact over intent.

Guys can be very dysphoric for some people, most often trans women. because however it is intended to be used its origins are most certainly masc.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks

I've used "guys" as a generic catch all in group situations for years, in the same way as Essex Tom's catchphrase.

I truly don't see that as denying anyone's existence/status.

I understand where you come from, for me it is a matter of impact over intent.

Guys can be very dysphoric for some people, most often trans women. because however it is intended to be used its origins are most certainly masc.

"

Exactly. I try to be sensitive to the needs of others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Why i stopped using "Guys" or "Dudes" and started using Folks

I've used "guys" as a generic catch all in group situations for years, in the same way as Essex Tom's catchphrase.

I truly don't see that as denying anyone's existence/status.

"

It’s become a difficult topic because despite the fact I’m non-binary I use guys to refer to myself and my alters and yet if I was in a group I wouldn’t like to be called it; I understand it’s often seen as gender neutral but I just wouldn’t like it. Teachers always used to say ‘right guys’ and idk it just didn’t feel right lol. That being said, if someone did refer to us as guys in a group of others, I wouldn’t kick up a fuss about it. Just get on with it; if they purposely called me and only me a guy I’d be pissed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you think people are defensive because we're fed dogshit through various forms?

I work in quite a woke environment and it's not helpful. Puts people on edge really.

Certain people show affection by taking the piss. When they aren't allowed to do that then it's going to have a negative affect towards people such as trans folk etc. But if it's not trans folk who are bothered mostly then it really doesn't help anyone get along.

These are just musings and based on experience. Myself, I don't care really. I've learned to just take people as I find them and I usually have more in common with folk who are nothing like me

Can’t speak for trans folk. Can only speak for queer queens. We’re viciously direct and that’s how we roll.

queer queens!! Another thing I've not heard.

I like direct. Situations start off simple and then get complicated with all these er, complications. People have their own experiences which makes them react in different ways. Before you know it it explodes. The cause could be a simple misunderstanding or something that could be solved by taking a breath.

Maybe I'm being a bit naive and most people are wankers. I like to think most just kinda want to get along. I'll keep that for now, hope innit

While they all arguing about gender neutral pronouns I slip past to the bar like a slinky cat. It’s all good. "

Can I have a rum please?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dahlinks, sweeties, sausages, poppets, bishes, boujees it’s been interesting. Time I was off to bed. "

Night flower

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"It absolutely is, I agree. I wish all sides of the identity politics divide was in agreement. "

I don't think you meant in anyway as a negative thing.

Something to consider, for me the fact that people think Identity politics is a thing is in itself problematic. It is saying that my identity is up for debate, that people other than me are justified to argue over who I am.

It isn't identity politics, it is Identity.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It absolutely is, I agree. I wish all sides of the identity politics divide was in agreement.

I don't think you meant in anyway as a negative thing.

Something to consider, for me the fact that people think Identity politics is a thing is in itself problematic. It is saying that my identity is up for debate, that people other than me are justified to argue over who I am.

It isn't identity politics, it is Identity. "

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley


"How the hell can Xim or Zer be seen to be gender neutral?

How can they not?

Fairly obviously, I would have thought.

I mean, only if you think that words are categorised because they're similar.

Ban, van, and can are all masculine because of their similarity to man, yes? Or is that utterly asinine?"

Yes!

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By *ustauseerTV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgemoor

Good rule of thumb for things.

Normalising using they when speaking about individual who’s gender identity isn’t known to you. Don’t assume, you could be wrong.

Share your pronouns, normalise doing this to.

(It’ll feel weird, till is doesn’t, that’s what happens)

Ask people what their preferred pronouns are and use them.

Threads like this give me hope

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Good rule of thumb for things.

Normalising using they when speaking about individual who’s gender identity isn’t known to you. Don’t assume, you could be wrong.

Share your pronouns, normalise doing this to.

(It’ll feel weird, till is doesn’t, that’s what happens)

Ask people what their preferred pronouns are and use them.

Threads like this give me hope "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ustauseerTV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgemoor


"How the hell can Xim or Zer be seen to be gender neutral?

How can they not?

Fairly obviously, I would have thought.

I mean, only if you think that words are categorised because they're similar.

Ban, van, and can are all masculine because of their similarity to man, yes? Or is that utterly asinine?

Yes!"

Gendered nouns disappeared in the early 11th century in the northern England linguists are not entirely sure where and why. The trend continued over the last 900 years, until we have nothing but pronouns.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

It does my head in, in the nicest way possible. I just struggle to get my head round it, not because pople want to identify in different ways, but because of the need to identify and have all these terms. My daughter has collected flags like the european union and more identities i thought possible. She does say though I was great to "come out to" because all i said was no..there is me and there is you. The only person ypou will ever be is my spawn. This isnt ment to piss peple off I just get mad at the fact we even have to have so many diffefrent boxes and the stress people feel that they must fit one. Why cant we have just one box for me! No one should ever feel they need to explain to others. Why cant we just be fucking box free!! Be happy..

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)

[Removed by poster at 27/06/22 22:42:20]

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"It does my head in, in the nicest way possible. I just struggle to get my head round it, not because pople want to identify in different ways, but because of the need to identify and have all these terms. My daughter has collected flags like the european union and more identities i thought possible. She does say though I was great to "come out to" because all i said was no..there is me and there is you. The only person ypou will ever be is my spawn. This isnt ment to piss peple off I just get mad at the fact we even have to have so many diffefrent boxes and the stress people feel that they must fit one. Why cant we have just one box for me! No one should ever feel they need to explain to others. Why cant we just be fucking box free!! Be happy.."

Labels are only ever harmful when they are forced on people. "You have to be X"

When our labels are self ascribed they help us form our identity, pronouns and the like are just ways to help do that.

It is actually very good for mental health purposes (the self ascribed labels part

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I just hope one of the little ones never gets lost in a supermarket, the poor kid will be off with some pedo because the police are too busy working out what a Qi+ looks like

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"I just hope one of the little ones never gets lost in a supermarket, the poor kid will be off with some pedo because the police are too busy working out what a Qi+ looks like "

What?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It does my head in, in the nicest way possible. I just struggle to get my head round it, not because pople want to identify in different ways, but because of the need to identify and have all these terms. My daughter has collected flags like the european union and more identities i thought possible. She does say though I was great to "come out to" because all i said was no..there is me and there is you. The only person ypou will ever be is my spawn. This isnt ment to piss peple off I just get mad at the fact we even have to have so many diffefrent boxes and the stress people feel that they must fit one. Why cant we have just one box for me! No one should ever feel they need to explain to others. Why cant we just be fucking box free!! Be happy.."

I'm with you on this tbh. It's just all a bit... Much

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

[Removed by poster at 27/06/22 22:46:22]

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It does my head in, in the nicest way possible. I just struggle to get my head round it, not because pople want to identify in different ways, but because of the need to identify and have all these terms. My daughter has collected flags like the european union and more identities i thought possible. She does say though I was great to "come out to" because all i said was no..there is me and there is you. The only person ypou will ever be is my spawn. This isnt ment to piss peple off I just get mad at the fact we even have to have so many diffefrent boxes and the stress people feel that they must fit one. Why cant we have just one box for me! No one should ever feel they need to explain to others. Why cant we just be fucking box free!! Be happy..

Labels are only ever harmful when they are forced on people. "You have to be X"

When our labels are self ascribed they help us form our identity, pronouns and the like are just ways to help do that.

It is actually very good for mental health purposes (the self ascribed labels part"

Absolutely. It's affirming

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"...so they're all effectively the same (non-specific), the list just reflects the most common ones that people have chosen?

They’re the same. Language and culture differences but basically same.

Thanks. This seems over the top to me - I've no issue with there being a non-specific third way, but given that all involved are choosing arbitrarily, where's the harm in all having the same one?

If the EU can force apple to adopt the USB C standard, surely we can have a universal non-binary pronoun?

Wouldn't it be uniting?"

It.

When you were still in your mum's womb you, me everyone was called "it", only twins, trips and quads etc were called they or them as this is now refering to more than one unborn baby.

It's basic grammar.

It = gender neutral.

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ustauseerTV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgemoor


"I just hope one of the little ones never gets lost in a supermarket, the poor kid will be off with some pedo because the police are too busy working out what a Qi+ looks like "

I really have this was just a bad joke not something you actually believe.

If it was a bad joke I would ask that you apologise because it’s not funny.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"[Food withheld from troll by poster at 27/06/22 22:46:22]"

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"...so they're all effectively the same (non-specific), the list just reflects the most common ones that people have chosen?

They’re the same. Language and culture differences but basically same.

Thanks. This seems over the top to me - I've no issue with there being a non-specific third way, but given that all involved are choosing arbitrarily, where's the harm in all having the same one?

If the EU can force apple to adopt the USB C standard, surely we can have a universal non-binary pronoun?

Wouldn't it be uniting?

It.

When you were still in your mum's womb you, me everyone was called "it", only twins, trips and quads etc were called they or them as this is now refering to more than one unborn baby.

It's basic grammar.

It = gender neutral.

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic."

It is also considered dehumanising.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"

Forcing people to assimilate for the convenience of others is a bit 19th century to me

Ok, I get that. Is it a permanent open season, then, the logical endpoint of which is 10 billion people each with their own pronouns? Or will everybody be happy identifying with one of a dozen pre-existing options?

(I'm not asking you, I'm wondering generally)

We are ok with thousands of different names, having an expanded set of pronouns that allow people to be comfortable in who they are would be pretty damn amazing in my book.

And we used to be in a place where we said "that name is too exotic, I'm just going to call you Bruce/Sheila, because that's a normal name". Fortunately we've relegated that bullshit to the dustbin of history."

Not entirely, unfortunately. Some of us with less common names are asked regularly to provide a nickname or something resembling a name people are more familiar with. Many Chinese students choose to use an English name, but many also don't. It's obvious that staff struggle hugely with the Chinese given names, compared to English names, even if the "English name" isn't a traditional "name word". Like "Panther" or "Snow" (both names I have seen used).

Too many people seem unable or unwilling (I'm unsure what it is) to get their heads around a combination of letters that isn't familiar to them. Enid is fine, but Xhengxiao isn't. Apparently.

Same with pronouns, unfortunately

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic."

A linguistic what?

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"

It.

When you were still in your mum's womb you, me everyone was called "it", only twins, trips and quads etc were called they or them as this is now refering to more than one unborn baby.

It's basic grammar.

It = gender neutral.

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic."

Really, apart from the dehumanising aspect. Everyone I know has used singular they for a foetus!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"It does my head in, in the nicest way possible. I just struggle to get my head round it, not because pople want to identify in different ways, but because of the need to identify and have all these terms. My daughter has collected flags like the european union and more identities i thought possible. She does say though I was great to "come out to" because all i said was no..there is me and there is you. The only person ypou will ever be is my spawn. This isnt ment to piss peple off I just get mad at the fact we even have to have so many diffefrent boxes and the stress people feel that they must fit one. Why cant we have just one box for me! No one should ever feel they need to explain to others. Why cant we just be fucking box free!! Be happy..

Labels are only ever harmful when they are forced on people. "You have to be X"

When our labels are self ascribed they help us form our identity, pronouns and the like are just ways to help do that.

It is actually very good for mental health purposes (the self ascribed labels part

Absolutely. It's affirming "

Labels keep people alive too, when it comes to cancer checks, sending out smear test invites to someone who identifies as female, but never had female parts, can be very wasteful. Prostate exams are the male only equivalent.

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"It does my head in, in the nicest way possible. I just struggle to get my head round it, not because pople want to identify in different ways, but because of the need to identify and have all these terms. My daughter has collected flags like the european union and more identities i thought possible. She does say though I was great to "come out to" because all i said was no..there is me and there is you. The only person ypou will ever be is my spawn. This isnt ment to piss peple off I just get mad at the fact we even have to have so many diffefrent boxes and the stress people feel that they must fit one. Why cant we have just one box for me! No one should ever feel they need to explain to others. Why cant we just be fucking box free!! Be happy..

Labels are only ever harmful when they are forced on people. "You have to be X"

When our labels are self ascribed they help us form our identity, pronouns and the like are just ways to help do that.

It is actually very good for mental health purposes (the self ascribed labels part

Absolutely. It's affirming

Labels keep people alive too, when it comes to cancer checks, sending out smear test invites to someone who identifies as female, but never had female parts, can be very wasteful. Prostate exams are the male only equivalent."

And assigned gender at birth is something that would be on their medical records.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It.

When you were still in your mum's womb you, me everyone was called "it", only twins, trips and quads etc were called they or them as this is now refering to more than one unborn baby.

It's basic grammar.

It = gender neutral.

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic.

Really, apart from the dehumanising aspect. Everyone I know has used singular they for a foetus!"

When is it due?

When are they (singular) due?

I think I’d use the former tbf.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"

It.

When you were still in your mum's womb you, me everyone was called "it", only twins, trips and quads etc were called they or them as this is now refering to more than one unborn baby.

It's basic grammar.

It = gender neutral.

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic.

Really, apart from the dehumanising aspect. Everyone I know has used singular they for a foetus!"

I gave my foetuses names. One was "Max" and the other "Lentil". I didn't have a clue about the sex of either, they were organically selected names that bear no resemblance to the names the children received as newborns....

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

Forcing people to assimilate for the convenience of others is a bit 19th century to me

Ok, I get that. Is it a permanent open season, then, the logical endpoint of which is 10 billion people each with their own pronouns? Or will everybody be happy identifying with one of a dozen pre-existing options?

(I'm not asking you, I'm wondering generally)

We are ok with thousands of different names, having an expanded set of pronouns that allow people to be comfortable in who they are would be pretty damn amazing in my book.

And we used to be in a place where we said "that name is too exotic, I'm just going to call you Bruce/Sheila, because that's a normal name". Fortunately we've relegated that bullshit to the dustbin of history.

Not entirely, unfortunately. Some of us with less common names are asked regularly to provide a nickname or something resembling a name people are more familiar with. Many Chinese students choose to use an English name, but many also don't. It's obvious that staff struggle hugely with the Chinese given names, compared to English names, even if the "English name" isn't a traditional "name word". Like "Panther" or "Snow" (both names I have seen used).

Too many people seem unable or unwilling (I'm unsure what it is) to get their heads around a combination of letters that isn't familiar to them. Enid is fine, but Xhengxiao isn't. Apparently.

Same with pronouns, unfortunately "

Damn. That's awful.

I'm not confident I could pronounce the latter name correctly, but I'd fucking try.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"

It.

When you were still in your mum's womb you, me everyone was called "it", only twins, trips and quads etc were called they or them as this is now refering to more than one unborn baby.

It's basic grammar.

It = gender neutral.

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic.

Really, apart from the dehumanising aspect. Everyone I know has used singular they for a foetus!

When is it due?

When are they (singular) due?

I think I’d use the former tbf. "

How about "when is your baby due"? That's what I'd use. I hate "it" being used for humans

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ustauseerTV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgemoor


"It does my head in, in the nicest way possible. I just struggle to get my head round it, not because pople want to identify in different ways, but because of the need to identify and have all these terms. My daughter has collected flags like the european union and more identities i thought possible. She does say though I was great to "come out to" because all i said was no..there is me and there is you. The only person ypou will ever be is my spawn. This isnt ment to piss peple off I just get mad at the fact we even have to have so many diffefrent boxes and the stress people feel that they must fit one. Why cant we have just one box for me! No one should ever feel they need to explain to others. Why cant we just be fucking box free!! Be happy..

Labels are only ever harmful when they are forced on people. "You have to be X"

When our labels are self ascribed they help us form our identity, pronouns and the like are just ways to help do that.

It is actually very good for mental health purposes (the self ascribed labels part

Absolutely. It's affirming

Labels keep people alive too, when it comes to cancer checks, sending out smear test invites to someone who identifies as female, but never had female parts, can be very wasteful. Prostate exams are the male only equivalent.

And assigned gender at birth is something that would be on their medical records."

firm believer that your birth certificate should carry your biological sex and your gender as two separate fields.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"

I'm not confident I could pronounce the latter name correctly, but I'd fucking try. "

Ditto, and I'd want feedback to make sure I got it right. Hopefully not to Little Britain levels...

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"

I'm not confident I could pronounce the latter name correctly, but I'd fucking try.

Ditto, and I'd want feedback to make sure I got it right. Hopefully not to Little Britain levels..."

Most people with unusual names or names they know might cause pronunciation issues are happy to explain/give feedback. As are the vast majority of people who wish to use non-gendered pronouns (in my experience).

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"

It.

When you were still in your mum's womb you, me everyone was called "it", only twins, trips and quads etc were called they or them as this is now refering to more than one unborn baby.

It's basic grammar.

It = gender neutral.

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic.

Really, apart from the dehumanising aspect. Everyone I know has used singular they for a foetus!

When is it due?

When are they (singular) due?

I think I’d use the former tbf.

How about "when is your baby due"? That's what I'd use. I hate "it" being used for humans "

So has a pregnant woman ever said "Yes, it's yours, the tests have proved it.", sounding like a Jeremy Kyle guest?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It.

When you were still in your mum's womb you, me everyone was called "it", only twins, trips and quads etc were called they or them as this is now refering to more than one unborn baby.

It's basic grammar.

It = gender neutral.

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic.

Really, apart from the dehumanising aspect. Everyone I know has used singular they for a foetus!

When is it due?

When are they (singular) due?

I think I’d use the former tbf.

How about "when is your baby due"? That's what I'd use. I hate "it" being used for humans "

Yeah but I don’t .. and therein lies the whole issue doesn’t it? You’re trying to ascribe the language you use on me, whereas I would genuinely probably say “when is it due” in a conversation about their pregnancy.

My choice of words isn’t meant in any way demeaning or damaging, yet it can be weaponised against me.

Now if the parent-to-be said to me “please don’t refer to my baby as it” then I would refrain from saying it again. That’s wholly reasonable.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.


"

It.

When you were still in your mum's womb you, me everyone was called "it", only twins, trips and quads etc were called they or them as this is now refering to more than one unborn baby.

It's basic grammar.

It = gender neutral.

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic.

Really, apart from the dehumanising aspect. Everyone I know has used singular they for a foetus!

When is it due?

When are they (singular) due?

I think I’d use the former tbf. "

Me too. None of my friends were ever offended when I referred to their unborn baby as it, because the sex wasn't known.

I haven't heard of any of the pronouns the OP mentioned, other than they/them. And to be honest, I really struggle to use that when referring to one person. It just doesn't feel natural to me.

No offence is meant.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"

It.

When you were still in your mum's womb you, me everyone was called "it", only twins, trips and quads etc were called they or them as this is now refering to more than one unborn baby.

It's basic grammar.

It = gender neutral.

There, problem solved by asking a linguistic.

Really, apart from the dehumanising aspect. Everyone I know has used singular they for a foetus!

When is it due?

When are they (singular) due?

I think I’d use the former tbf.

How about "when is your baby due"? That's what I'd use. I hate "it" being used for humans

So has a pregnant woman ever said "Yes, it's yours, the tests have proved it.", sounding like a Jeremy Kyle guest?"

Eh? No comprende!

One person suggested they might say "when is it [the baby] due?"

I suggested "when is your baby due?" would sound better to me.

Unclear where Jeremy Kyle comes in here...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let me write my own experience as a trans person:

I identify as non-binary which means I don’t identify without the classic gender binary E.g. I don’t identify as neither a man nor a woman; whatever those mean to you is completely your business and I will respect however you want to be referred to, much like how I hope others would respect me.

It took me many years to find a label that fit; it wasn’t just something I did on a whim. I tried out different labels and wasn’t comfortable with them; I spent a whole year of my life identifying as a trans man and found out it didn’t fit me so I explored and now I identify as non-binary. Will it change? Possibly. But that’s a problem with future Annie.

I explored pronouns and they made me actually feel like ME. Now, I’m talking for a DID point of view. I have several different identities so my gender is already complicated; but being non-binary, I know that this is ACTUALLY ME. And by having different pronouns, it allows me to explore my gender and my identity and allows me to have an identity that is mine; one that I actually feel like I fit in with.

With my own identity and pronouns I finally feel like I fit into the world rather than being an outsider.

If you respect my pronouns and my gender and my choices; then there will never be any issues. If you slip up and use the wrong pronouns? No bother, just make sure you know for next time. It’s very easy to respect trans people and their chosen pronouns and gender even if you don’t understand them.

Hell; I don’t understand heterosexuality, yet I still respect heterosexuals. If that’s what they identify as, good for them! Not understanding doesn’t mean you get to disrespect people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Forcing people to assimilate for the convenience of others is a bit 19th century to me

Ok, I get that. Is it a permanent open season, then, the logical endpoint of which is 10 billion people each with their own pronouns? Or will everybody be happy identifying with one of a dozen pre-existing options?

(I'm not asking you, I'm wondering generally)

We are ok with thousands of different names, having an expanded set of pronouns that allow people to be comfortable in who they are would be pretty damn amazing in my book.

And we used to be in a place where we said "that name is too exotic, I'm just going to call you Bruce/Sheila, because that's a normal name". Fortunately we've relegated that bullshit to the dustbin of history.

Not entirely, unfortunately. Some of us with less common names are asked regularly to provide a nickname or something resembling a name people are more familiar with. Many Chinese students choose to use an English name, but many also don't. It's obvious that staff struggle hugely with the Chinese given names, compared to English names, even if the "English name" isn't a traditional "name word". Like "Panther" or "Snow" (both names I have seen used).

Too many people seem unable or unwilling (I'm unsure what it is) to get their heads around a combination of letters that isn't familiar to them. Enid is fine, but Xhengxiao isn't. Apparently.

Same with pronouns, unfortunately "

My name is pretty easy to pronounce and sounds exactly as it's spelt (pretty simply, I might add) but it's ethnic so it puts the fear of God in people and they suddenly get tongue tied. By the time I got to adulthood I'd been called so many variations of my name - some WILDLY different to what it actually is; like, a new name entirely - that I learned to just let it go and stop correcting people, mostly because I just really don't care that much and also because after two or three tries it starts getting awkward. On nights out I can't be arsed to teach d*unk people my name over loud music so I just use my middle name, which is a common Western one.

Hell, a friend of mine that I've known for 3 years still spells it wrong. That doesn't make her a bad person, it just means I don't put that much importance on certain things.

On the other hand, one of my trainers repeatedly kept asking me how to spell it (he was writing it on the whiteboard) and pronounce it and kept getting it wrong. He finally got it right but by our next session he'd got it wrong again and kept asking me. It got to the point where I was just thinking "damn, chill man, I'm literally just here to lift weights and dip". Like, I know he was just trying to be PC and whatever but he was genuinely harshing my buzz.

TL;DR: ehhhh *shrug*

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By *iromancergirl1Woman
over a year ago

bolton


"

I'm not confident I could pronounce the latter name correctly, but I'd fucking try.

Ditto, and I'd want feedback to make sure I got it right. Hopefully not to Little Britain levels...

Most people with unusual names or names they know might cause pronunciation issues are happy to explain/give feedback. As are the vast majority of people who wish to use non-gendered pronouns (in my experience). "

people have gotten the pronunciation of my name wrong all my life so I’ll try my upmost best to always refer to people however the want me to.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La


"It does my head in, in the nicest way possible. I just struggle to get my head round it, not because pople want to identify in different ways, but because of the need to identify and have all these terms. My daughter has collected flags like the european union and more identities i thought possible. She does say though I was great to "come out to" because all i said was no..there is me and there is you. The only person ypou will ever be is my spawn. This isnt ment to piss peple off I just get mad at the fact we even have to have so many diffefrent boxes and the stress people feel that they must fit one. Why cant we have just one box for me! No one should ever feel they need to explain to others. Why cant we just be fucking box free!! Be happy..

Labels are only ever harmful when they are forced on people. "You have to be X"

When our labels are self ascribed they help us form our identity, pronouns and the like are just ways to help do that.

It is actually very good for mental health purposes (the self ascribed labels part

Absolutely. It's affirming

Labels keep people alive too, when it comes to cancer checks, sending out smear test invites to someone who identifies as female, but never had female parts, can be very wasteful. Prostate exams are the male only equivalent.

And assigned gender at birth is something that would be on their medical records.

"

I see how that is a good thing and something to keep me thinking.

I hope no one has taken offence to wehat I said as non was intendend. It just, for some reason, really bothers me how some poeple live life worrying about what box to tick and almost the need to justify yourself where i think we should all live outside the box, kinda thing if that makes any sense. I do like the way these posts give me a different way to see things though and educate. My daughter was so comfused/ashamed/unsure/embaressed/worried about how she felt inside, so much so it almost made me feel ashamned i thought i didnt give her the security she needed and deserved that she felt she wouldnt be accepted for how she feels and who she is.

Its the one time in my life i was gald to proved wrong.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It does my head in, in the nicest way possible. I just struggle to get my head round it, not because pople want to identify in different ways, but because of the need to identify and have all these terms. My daughter has collected flags like the european union and more identities i thought possible. She does say though I was great to "come out to" because all i said was no..there is me and there is you. The only person ypou will ever be is my spawn. This isnt ment to piss peple off I just get mad at the fact we even have to have so many diffefrent boxes and the stress people feel that they must fit one. Why cant we have just one box for me! No one should ever feel they need to explain to others. Why cant we just be fucking box free!! Be happy..

Labels are only ever harmful when they are forced on people. "You have to be X"

When our labels are self ascribed they help us form our identity, pronouns and the like are just ways to help do that.

It is actually very good for mental health purposes (the self ascribed labels part

Absolutely. It's affirming

Labels keep people alive too, when it comes to cancer checks, sending out smear test invites to someone who identifies as female, but never had female parts, can be very wasteful. Prostate exams are the male only equivalent.

And assigned gender at birth is something that would be on their medical records.

I see how that is a good thing and something to keep me thinking.

I hope no one has taken offence to wehat I said as non was intendend. It just, for some reason, really bothers me how some poeple live life worrying about what box to tick and almost the need to justify yourself where i think we should all live outside the box, kinda thing if that makes any sense. I do like the way these posts give me a different way to see things though and educate. My daughter was so comfused/ashamed/unsure/embaressed/worried about how she felt inside, so much so it almost made me feel ashamned i thought i didnt give her the security she needed and deserved that she felt she wouldnt be accepted for how she feels and who she is.

Its the one time in my life i was gald to proved wrong."

I get it

I'm cis, but in other areas of my life - my "boxes" have been so valuable. I'm not broken, I'm not a freak, I'm just in X box not Y box.

To be able to say I'm X means I can see there are other X people around. I'm not alone. There are other people like me.

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

If a person chooses they as their preferred pronoun, would you be expected to refer to them as they to their face or only when referring to them when speaking to others?

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"If a person chooses they as their preferred pronoun, would you be expected to refer to them as they to their face or only when referring to them when speaking to others?"

If I understand your question correctly, no pronouns replace you/your(s), they are third person... Unlike you/your(s) which is second person

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall


"If a person chooses they as their preferred pronoun, would you be expected to refer to them as they to their face or only when referring to them when speaking to others?

If I understand your question correctly, no pronouns replace you/your(s), they are third person... Unlike you/your(s) which is second person"

This is how I saw it. If this is the case then no one should ever be mis-gendered or have the wrong pronouns used whilst in conversation with each other.

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"If a person chooses they as their preferred pronoun, would you be expected to refer to them as they to their face or only when referring to them when speaking to others?

If I understand your question correctly, no pronouns replace you/your(s), they are third person... Unlike you/your(s) which is second person

This is how I saw it. If this is the case then no one should ever be mis-gendered or have the wrong pronouns used whilst in conversation with each other. "

Yeah it rarely happens in 1 on 1 conversations, most instances where it is hurtful is in groups larger than 2, if person A misgenders person B while talking t person C even though B is there.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"If a person chooses they as their preferred pronoun, would you be expected to refer to them as they to their face or only when referring to them when speaking to others?

If I understand your question correctly, no pronouns replace you/your(s), they are third person... Unlike you/your(s) which is second person

This is how I saw it. If this is the case then no one should ever be mis-gendered or have the wrong pronouns used whilst in conversation with each other. "

It happens all the time on here. I was referred to as "fella". multiple times the other week (after pointing out I'm the Mrs posting) and people often refer to original posters or other posters in the third person. We shouldn't knowingly misgender people even if they are unaware though. If Myrtle at work wishes to be referred to as "they", then its not okay to talk behind Myrtle's back about she/her etc.

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


"It happens all the time on here. I was referred to as "fella". multiple times the other week (after pointing out I'm the Mrs posting) and people often refer to original posters or other posters in the third person. We shouldn't knowingly misgender people even if they are unaware though. If Myrtle at work wishes to be referred to as "they", then its not okay to talk behind Myrtle's back about she/her etc. "

this

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall


"It happens all the time on here. I was referred to as "fella". multiple times the other week (after pointing out I'm the Mrs posting) and people often refer to original posters or other posters in the third person. We shouldn't knowingly misgender people even if they are unaware though. If Myrtle at work wishes to be referred to as "they", then its not okay to talk behind Myrtle's back about she/her etc.

this "

So it’s a case of indirectly using myrtles preferred pronoun in a conversation that doesn’t include myrtle.

I can understand it when myrtle is sitting in a group, to misgender them would be disrespectful.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"It happens all the time on here. I was referred to as "fella". multiple times the other week (after pointing out I'm the Mrs posting) and people often refer to original posters or other posters in the third person. We shouldn't knowingly misgender people even if they are unaware though. If Myrtle at work wishes to be referred to as "they", then its not okay to talk behind Myrtle's back about she/her etc.

this

So it’s a case of indirectly using myrtles preferred pronoun in a conversation that doesn’t include myrtle.

I can understand it when myrtle is sitting in a group, to misgender them would be disrespectful.

"

Would you be happy for colleagues to persistently refer to you as a different gender in conversation away from you? If colleagues were found to be saying "Mrs KC, isn't he....." behind my back, I'd be pissed off. Bullying and harassment can occur even without an individual being present to witness it. Gender and gender identity are protected characteristics under the Equality Act 2010.

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall


"It happens all the time on here. I was referred to as "fella". multiple times the other week (after pointing out I'm the Mrs posting) and people often refer to original posters or other posters in the third person. We shouldn't knowingly misgender people even if they are unaware though. If Myrtle at work wishes to be referred to as "they", then its not okay to talk behind Myrtle's back about she/her etc.

this

So it’s a case of indirectly using myrtles preferred pronoun in a conversation that doesn’t include myrtle.

I can understand it when myrtle is sitting in a group, to misgender them would be disrespectful.

Would you be happy for colleagues to persistently refer to you as a different gender in conversation away from you? If colleagues were found to be saying "Mrs KC, isn't he....." behind my back, I'd be pissed off. Bullying and harassment can occur even without an individual being present to witness it. Gender and gender identity are protected characteristics under the Equality Act 2010. "

I didn’t suggest such a thing. Merely asked a genuine question. It’s replies like this that don’t help when people genuinely are trying to understand so as not to offend people who are sensitive to which pronouns are used.

If people don’t ask questions, how will they learn?

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By *heNerdyFembyWoman
over a year ago

Eastbourne (she/they)


" I didn’t suggest such a thing. Merely asked a genuine question. It’s replies like this that don’t help when people genuinely are trying to understand so as not to offend people who are sensitive to which pronouns are used.

If people don’t ask questions, how will they learn?"

I don't think they were insinuating that you had but rather asking you something as a tool to help you understand. then expanding with an example.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wasn’t really suggesting Ze and Xe are the same - sure they sound the same in verbal dialogue, but for written they are different. So what draws one person to use Ze and another to Xe. What is it in a persons character that they feel more affinity with the Z rather than the X?

Why are people drawn to calling their child Stephen and not Steven? It really is something you would have to ask the individual"

Good example.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There their they're

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I’m all for supporting people being themselves but I’m not using anything other than her/her/they

Anything else to me just seems silly. And if they offends someone because they want to be ze, or whatever, I don’t care. There’s only so far I’ll go for inclusion and I draw a line at remembering 100s of different pronouns and who to use them with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m all for supporting people being themselves but I’m not using anything other than her/her/they

Anything else to me just seems silly. And if they offends someone because they want to be ze, or whatever, I don’t care. There’s only so far I’ll go for inclusion and I draw a line at remembering 100s of different pronouns and who to use them with "

I mean, it’s getting a bit too much with some pronouns , asking for crazy ones to be used and remembered. Obviously it’s not as common , luckily, but when you hear about it , it feels kind of strange.

I was talking about it with some friends a few weeks ago, and apparently, as they work in retail, the shopper actually seemed pretty demanding saying “actually it’s … *add odd pronoun*”

When the exterior, is basically unchanged? (Which is kind of important)

And there’s the whole thing where people are almost scared to use words like lady or mister because everything seems to be going toward a gender neutrality. I don’t know anymore

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m all for supporting people being themselves but I’m not using anything other than her/her/they

Anything else to me just seems silly. And if they offends someone because they want to be ze, or whatever, I don’t care. There’s only so far I’ll go for inclusion and I draw a line at remembering 100s of different pronouns and who to use them with

I mean, it’s getting a bit too much with some pronouns , asking for crazy ones to be used and remembered. Obviously it’s not as common , luckily, but when you hear about it , it feels kind of strange.

I was talking about it with some friends a few weeks ago, and apparently, as they work in retail, the shopper actually seemed pretty demanding saying “actually it’s … *add odd pronoun*”

When the exterior, is basically unchanged? (Which is kind of important)

And there’s the whole thing where people are almost scared to use words like lady or mister because everything seems to be going toward a gender neutrality. I don’t know anymore "

I think if you need that many pronouns to be able to express yourself you've probably got deeper issues that need to be addressed.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"I’m all for supporting people being themselves but I’m not using anything other than her/her/they

Anything else to me just seems silly. And if they offends someone because they want to be ze, or whatever, I don’t care. There’s only so far I’ll go for inclusion and I draw a line at remembering 100s of different pronouns and who to use them with

I mean, it’s getting a bit too much with some pronouns , asking for crazy ones to be used and remembered. Obviously it’s not as common , luckily, but when you hear about it , it feels kind of strange.

I was talking about it with some friends a few weeks ago, and apparently, as they work in retail, the shopper actually seemed pretty demanding saying “actually it’s … *add odd pronoun*”

When the exterior, is basically unchanged? (Which is kind of important)

And there’s the whole thing where people are almost scared to use words like lady or mister because everything seems to be going toward a gender neutrality. I don’t know anymore "

That’s why I’m just past it. If using “they” isn’t enough for someone, I don’t care about that person anymore.

If it actually offends someone, it’s such a tiny percentage of the population, I don’t even care if that tiny % thinks I’m an awful transphobe or something. I just don’t care. I’m exceeded my ability to give a fuck

I really appreciate the people out there that just get on with it. A plumber at work transitioned. Actually found it funny when you messed up her name or pronouns. Would joke about it. Would try to catch you out for shits and giggles. She actually got way more respect for realising it’s not a usual situation and making light of it. Everyone respected that

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I’m all for supporting people being themselves but I’m not using anything other than her/her/they

Anything else to me just seems silly. And if they offends someone because they want to be ze, or whatever, I don’t care. There’s only so far I’ll go for inclusion and I draw a line at remembering 100s of different pronouns and who to use them with

I mean, it’s getting a bit too much with some pronouns , asking for crazy ones to be used and remembered. Obviously it’s not as common , luckily, but when you hear about it , it feels kind of strange.

I was talking about it with some friends a few weeks ago, and apparently, as they work in retail, the shopper actually seemed pretty demanding saying “actually it’s … *add odd pronoun*”

When the exterior, is basically unchanged? (Which is kind of important)

And there’s the whole thing where people are almost scared to use words like lady or mister because everything seems to be going toward a gender neutrality. I don’t know anymore

I think if you need that many pronouns to be able to express yourself you've probably got deeper issues that need to be addressed. "

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

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By *undance_KidMan
over a year ago

London


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think "

Or John.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m all for supporting people being themselves but I’m not using anything other than her/her/they

Anything else to me just seems silly. And if they offends someone because they want to be ze, or whatever, I don’t care. There’s only so far I’ll go for inclusion and I draw a line at remembering 100s of different pronouns and who to use them with

I mean, it’s getting a bit too much with some pronouns , asking for crazy ones to be used and remembered. Obviously it’s not as common , luckily, but when you hear about it , it feels kind of strange.

I was talking about it with some friends a few weeks ago, and apparently, as they work in retail, the shopper actually seemed pretty demanding saying “actually it’s … *add odd pronoun*”

When the exterior, is basically unchanged? (Which is kind of important)

And there’s the whole thing where people are almost scared to use words like lady or mister because everything seems to be going toward a gender neutrality. I don’t know anymore

That’s why I’m just past it. If using “they” isn’t enough for someone, I don’t care about that person anymore.

If it actually offends someone, it’s such a tiny percentage of the population, I don’t even care if that tiny % thinks I’m an awful transphobe or something. I just don’t care. I’m exceeded my ability to give a fuck

I really appreciate the people out there that just get on with it. A plumber at work transitioned. Actually found it funny when you messed up her name or pronouns. Would joke about it. Would try to catch you out for shits and giggles. She actually got way more respect for realising it’s not a usual situation and making light of it. Everyone respected that "

I don’t think anyone who transitioned and had someone mess up pronouns would be demanding and offended.

Unless it’s done on purpose and deliberately.

Also, trans go through a process to be gendered correctly (or try) and when that doesn’t happen, usually it means that got to work harder on passing (if they want to!!)

So this whole, but My pronouns is tree/tree self … it’s very much like

Look at me, I’m special, I get to pick specific pronouns that you don’t get to have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think "

But like with different professions

Bob the builder

Bob the nurse

Bob the slut

And so on

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I’m all for supporting people being themselves but I’m not using anything other than her/her/they

Anything else to me just seems silly. And if they offends someone because they want to be ze, or whatever, I don’t care. There’s only so far I’ll go for inclusion and I draw a line at remembering 100s of different pronouns and who to use them with

I mean, it’s getting a bit too much with some pronouns , asking for crazy ones to be used and remembered. Obviously it’s not as common , luckily, but when you hear about it , it feels kind of strange.

I was talking about it with some friends a few weeks ago, and apparently, as they work in retail, the shopper actually seemed pretty demanding saying “actually it’s … *add odd pronoun*”

When the exterior, is basically unchanged? (Which is kind of important)

And there’s the whole thing where people are almost scared to use words like lady or mister because everything seems to be going toward a gender neutrality. I don’t know anymore

That’s why I’m just past it. If using “they” isn’t enough for someone, I don’t care about that person anymore.

If it actually offends someone, it’s such a tiny percentage of the population, I don’t even care if that tiny % thinks I’m an awful transphobe or something. I just don’t care. I’m exceeded my ability to give a fuck

I really appreciate the people out there that just get on with it. A plumber at work transitioned. Actually found it funny when you messed up her name or pronouns. Would joke about it. Would try to catch you out for shits and giggles. She actually got way more respect for realising it’s not a usual situation and making light of it. Everyone respected that

I don’t think anyone who transitioned and had someone mess up pronouns would be demanding and offended.

Unless it’s done on purpose and deliberately.

Also, trans go through a process to be gendered correctly (or try) and when that doesn’t happen, usually it means that got to work harder on passing (if they want to!!)

So this whole, but My pronouns is tree/tree self … it’s very much like

Look at me, I’m special, I get to pick specific pronouns that you don’t get to have "

Spot on with that last sentence

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

But like with different professions

Bob the builder

Bob the nurse

Bob the slut

And so on "

Exactly, I might start one of those petitions and see if I can get it discussed in parliament

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

But like with different professions

Bob the builder

Bob the nurse

Bob the slut

And so on

Exactly, I might start one of those petitions and see if I can get it discussed in parliament "

I’ll sign it!!! and no, for once I won’t be Bob the slut

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

Or John."

I went with Bob because of the memes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m all for supporting people being themselves but I’m not using anything other than her/her/they

Anything else to me just seems silly. And if they offends someone because they want to be ze, or whatever, I don’t care. There’s only so far I’ll go for inclusion and I draw a line at remembering 100s of different pronouns and who to use them with

I mean, it’s getting a bit too much with some pronouns , asking for crazy ones to be used and remembered. Obviously it’s not as common , luckily, but when you hear about it , it feels kind of strange.

I was talking about it with some friends a few weeks ago, and apparently, as they work in retail, the shopper actually seemed pretty demanding saying “actually it’s … *add odd pronoun*”

When the exterior, is basically unchanged? (Which is kind of important)

And there’s the whole thing where people are almost scared to use words like lady or mister because everything seems to be going toward a gender neutrality. I don’t know anymore

That’s why I’m just past it. If using “they” isn’t enough for someone, I don’t care about that person anymore.

If it actually offends someone, it’s such a tiny percentage of the population, I don’t even care if that tiny % thinks I’m an awful transphobe or something. I just don’t care. I’m exceeded my ability to give a fuck

I really appreciate the people out there that just get on with it. A plumber at work transitioned. Actually found it funny when you messed up her name or pronouns. Would joke about it. Would try to catch you out for shits and giggles. She actually got way more respect for realising it’s not a usual situation and making light of it. Everyone respected that

I don’t think anyone who transitioned and had someone mess up pronouns would be demanding and offended.

Unless it’s done on purpose and deliberately.

Also, trans go through a process to be gendered correctly (or try) and when that doesn’t happen, usually it means that got to work harder on passing (if they want to!!)

So this whole, but My pronouns is tree/tree self … it’s very much like

Look at me, I’m special, I get to pick specific pronouns that you don’t get to have "

I'm very happy to acknowledge that people don't feel like they fit into he/she and using they/them is a way of making them feel included and more comfortable.

I think anything beyond that is just asking for special treatment purely because you can.

Honestly I kind of envy anyone whose life is sunshine and rainbows enough to have that much energy left over to put into caring so much about what word someone puts before your name. If these are the hills people want to die on I dread to think how they would deal with actual hardships.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

But like with different professions

Bob the builder

Bob the nurse

Bob the slut

And so on

Exactly, I might start one of those petitions and see if I can get it discussed in parliament

I’ll sign it!!! and no, for once I won’t be Bob the slut "

Bob the slute!

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

But like with different professions

Bob the builder

Bob the nurse

Bob the slut

And so on

Exactly, I might start one of those petitions and see if I can get it discussed in parliament

I’ll sign it!!! and no, for once I won’t be Bob the slut "

Well you can't be Kylie the slut I'm afraid, it doesn't work like that Bob

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

But like with different professions

Bob the builder

Bob the nurse

Bob the slut

And so on

Exactly, I might start one of those petitions and see if I can get it discussed in parliament

I’ll sign it!!! and no, for once I won’t be Bob the slut

Bob the slute!"

Slutes you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

But like with different professions

Bob the builder

Bob the nurse

Bob the slut

And so on

Exactly, I might start one of those petitions and see if I can get it discussed in parliament

I’ll sign it!!! and no, for once I won’t be Bob the slut

Bob the slute!"

I’ll take THIS

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

But like with different professions

Bob the builder

Bob the nurse

Bob the slut

And so on

Exactly, I might start one of those petitions and see if I can get it discussed in parliament

I’ll sign it!!! and no, for once I won’t be Bob the slut

Well you can't be Kylie the slut I'm afraid, it doesn't work like that Bob "

Errrr I actually didn’t want to have the slut tag as I’m definitely a reformed one

But I’ll go for slute instead, keep it classy ya know

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

But like with different professions

Bob the builder

Bob the nurse

Bob the slut

And so on

Exactly, I might start one of those petitions and see if I can get it discussed in parliament

I’ll sign it!!! and no, for once I won’t be Bob the slut

Bob the slute!

I’ll take THIS "

If you had a pound for every time you’d said that sentence…….

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore


"Sorry I didn't actually answer the question

The ones you've listed are quite rare in terms of use but they're all for the same purpose essentially - gender neutral and non binary pronouns used by some people who don't want to use pronouns that we traditionally think of as relating to binary sex, ie he/she.

Xe was quite popular in my social circles when I was at university

How do you pronounce Xe?

It was "zee" in my circles "

In Pinyin xi is pronounced 'she' like President Xi.

xe would be pronounced 'shuh'

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"Maybe we should just call everyone Bob, everyone can remember that I think

But like with different professions

Bob the builder

Bob the nurse

Bob the slut

And so on

Exactly, I might start one of those petitions and see if I can get it discussed in parliament

I’ll sign it!!! and no, for once I won’t be Bob the slut

Well you can't be Kylie the slut I'm afraid, it doesn't work like that Bob

Errrr I actually didn’t want to have the slut tag as I’m definitely a reformed one

But I’ll go for slute instead, keep it classy ya know "

Well you will want to be slute Bob and someone else will then want flute Bob and so on and we're getting confused again

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

This is all Isaac Asimov's fault, when he wrote the pronoun eponymous sci-fi "I, Robot".

I still prefer Bob.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want to add slute/slute self

In the rooster

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"I want to add slute/slute self

In the rooster "

Go sit in the corner and think about your actions

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"This is all Isaac Asimov's fault, when he wrote the pronoun eponymous sci-fi "I, Robot".

I still prefer Bob."

I reckon it could work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I want to add slute/slute self

In the rooster

Go sit in the corner and think about your actions "

…Sowwy I won’t do it again I promise

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