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By *iona OP   Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for your original loss im not the guy to give advice on things like this but i dont blame you for a little vent emotion is a dangerous thing to handle ps nice arse on you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow, I'm not surprised you need to rant, he sounds incredibly selfish.. I'm glad you told him to fuck off and put yourself first

People change a lot in 5 years, you are certainly not the same person that he once knew x

In honesty it sounds like he got bored and thinks he can slip back to his old life.. Its up to you whether you want him back in your life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without knowing either you or him, or the whole story, it’s impossible to suggest or tell whether you’re overreacting or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say the overreaction is telling him to "fuck off". Seems to me like its a matter of sitting down and discussing it in a civil manner, whatrver the outcome may be, just clearing the air and getting each others intentions across is the sensible thing to do

Honestly in my opinion, going by that last paragraph tells me youre not entirely over it. Some small part of you holding a grudge for packing his bags so quickly without offering you the chance to make it right. Hence why i feel you may have overreacted.

Plus him not saying anything or giving any kind of a hint in all this may be due to him simply not knowing how to bring it up and speak to you about.

Of course there is the possibility that hes suddenly bored of this other woman and wants to get back the better times you two once had, but i dont know, thats just how i see it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not."

You not over reacting one bit he made a choice of being a narcissist it's sounds like a manipulative relationship. No offense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly, I’m sorry for your loss that took you to a deep dark place in your life. Personally I don’t think you’re over reacting, however I also don’t think anyone other than you can really say whether considering a reconciliation is a good or bad thing. If you are considering it though (and this thread suggests you are) then you need to do so with all of what’s happened in the forefront of your mind. Good luck whatever path you choose OP! L x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had/have similar with my ex.

Way I see it, they have their fun then decide they want their old life back.

Telling him to fuck off seems reasonable to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not."

No.

Sorry for your loss(with your family member) you've also grieved the loos of your marriage too.

Seen your worth, yes you would of taking him back.

It's 5years later and he realised his mistake.

Which is a good thing, looking at it now, if you'd taken him back could you have really forgiven him.

You didn't give him some attention when you were going through such a painful time in your life.

Was he all that you thought he was, three months isn't long with what you were going through.

Look at it this way, he moved on would only contact you through your eldest and now he thinks he can win you over.

Yous had a wonderful time and will always be grateful for the gorgeous kids he's given you.

Just get on with being you and let him see what he ruined.

Keep doing you and be fabulous.

Remember this line from pretty woman, Big Mistake. Big. Huge.

Hope this helps, just my opinion.

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By *iona OP   Woman
over a year ago

outskirts


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not.

You not over reacting one bit he made a choice of being a narcissist it's sounds like a manipulative relationship. No offense. "

He was with the woman he left me for up until about a month ago.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not."

I think real love can survive that yes. I have friends who got divorced went separate ways , remarried and then got back together and married each other a second time.

People fall in love very easy, it’s often not real. But real love is exactly that kind of thing, I’d say keep an open mind and date him again, you both might have learned a lot and it could be even better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not.

You not over reacting one bit he made a choice of being a narcissist it's sounds like a manipulative relationship. No offense.

He was with the woman he left me for up until about a month ago. "

It sounds like "his needs" and not yours. Just saying . Relationships work because both agree to certain aspects. Ask yourself do you deserve to go back to that status.

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By *ittlekinks38Woman
over a year ago

outside belfast x

Nah sounds like he has regrets but sounds like the women he left you for has dropped him and he thinks sure I'll just go back to my ex she'll want me back....and who's to day he won't do the same to you again?? And leave you hanging my opinion would be don't go back there there's like 101 reasons why he's an ex!

He more likely has nowhere else to go! Don't forget he fell outta love with you and broke up a happy family!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not.

You not over reacting one bit he made a choice of being a narcissist it's sounds like a manipulative relationship. No offense. "
what is it with everyone using that word to blame on every breakup in history

il go add it the the words that get my goat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its OK to rant and to be fair this really isn't a rant or if it is you have tamed it down for us.

Could I ask if his other relationship has recently ended? I am making a guess that it has and quite possibly he hasn't had much time to adjust to not being in a relationship and therefore could be seeking a replacement relationship with one he has had before because its familiar and safe.

You on the other hand have had 5 years to adjust including grieving the lost relationship and adjusting then accepting being single.

So, you are both at very different stages.

The question is do you want him back? On the plus side you know the 'mistakes' you were responsible for (not that I think they were mistakes) and could use that knowledge to ensure you acted and responded better to his needs. But on the negative side I could imagine you may be walking on egg shells for fear of doing something minor which could throw him into the arms of another. And that sounds really stressful to me and not a well balanced relationship.

What we don't know are his compromises and lessons learned from being apart from you.

I would say to talk to him, to let him know which emotional stage you are at and how you got there. To let him know what you are now looking for and then to listen to him. Let him explain where he is coming from. This talk is going to be hard, it will reopen memories but you could agree to take baby steps or you could agree to just remain good friends and a strong parental unit for your kids but not in a relationship together. Failing that it could all go tits up and you have one strong answer.

My ex husband and I split up 10 years ago and it probably took us 3 years to have a calm conversation about why we both felt our marriage ended and how various actions by the other person affected us. This chat was never with any intention to reconcile our relationship but to help us accept and move on yet enabled us to remain friends and Co parents to our kids.

I have majorly waffled on and if you actually have read all of this then reward yourself with a curly wurly peeps.

Good luck OP

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not.

You not over reacting one bit he made a choice of being a narcissist it's sounds like a manipulative relationship. No offense. what is it with everyone using that word to blame on every breakup in history

il go add it the the words that get my goat "

Umm it's a definition of of his behavior. Nice way to hijack her post. It's about her not your explanation of a term.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Firstly, I’m sorry for your loss that took you to a deep dark place in your life. Personally I don’t think you’re over reacting, however I also don’t think anyone other than you can really say whether considering a reconciliation is a good or bad thing. If you are considering it though (and this thread suggests you are) then you need to do so with all of what’s happened in the forefront of your mind. Good luck whatever path you choose OP! L x"

This is pretty much what I was going to say so I’ll just agree with this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly, from the little information you've given, I'd say he didn't fight hard enough to keep you in the first instance. I and many others here could tell you how they spent months and years trying to save their relationships, because they were felt to be worth it. He's found himself in a lonely position and he's grasping at straws to change that.

Obviously this could all be nothing more than my own drivel misinterpreted from little information.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I'm sorry but a good strong marriage doesn't fall apart because you are in deep grief. He abandoned you when you needed him.

You have kids together so that may temper things but if you take him back, do so only after a lot of counselling. I personally would never be able to trust him again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know all the facts but personally making time for each other is something to work on, not end a relationship over. 3 months is also very quick to decide he wants someone else so there's a good chance this had been going on longer and he's deflected the blame onto you instead.

People develop and change a lot over 5 years, even if you could rekindle you would both have to accept your not the same people you were when you fell in love. Also that commitment to not live in past resentment is hard to overcome.

Only you can decide what's best for you but in situations like this it's either all or nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not."

Firstly condolences to you on your loss and also thankyou for sharing you story, which takes courage sometimes.

I don’t know you or your ex but based on what you’ve written and my limited experience and knowledge. I’d say at bare minimum a conversation is to be had. That way you can let him know exactly what the family loss meant and the reason you was so distant during that period. It will also give him an opportunity to explain himself to you.

If your marriage was good up until that point & you have a family together I think it’s at least worth a conversation.

With that being said, the fact it’s taken you that long to finally get over him maybe it’s best to leave things in the past where they were and you continue to work on you.

Just my humble opinion and ultimately it’s upto you. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do. Keep on keeping on

Happy Fabbing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not.

You not over reacting one bit he made a choice of being a narcissist it's sounds like a manipulative relationship. No offense. what is it with everyone using that word to blame on every breakup in history

il go add it the the words that get my goat

Umm it's a definition of of his behavior. Nice way to hijack her post. It's about her not your explanation of a term."

Heres the definition

Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.

I hijacked nothing i already expressed my sorrow at this and supported her need to rant completely not arguing your point just don't like the overuse of words like this majority of the time aimed at men is all

Xx

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

No no and no.

He couldn't stick with you at your lowest point, he doesn't deserve you.

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By *agicM53XMan
over a year ago

Orpington

As this is more a rant than anything, I say rant away ...it seems like you know exactly what you want at this moment in your life (and it's not him) and it is your absolute right to reject him.

I'm not gonna make any assumptions on him as I know nothing of him or your relationship with him, other than what your described, and if he indeed said "I'm gonna win you back" after so many years passing, he sounds full of himself.

If I am to give an opinion on the story overall, I also believe that he was in his right to leave you ...I can understand the grief you were going through, but to be a boyfriend or husband and have my partner go through that but not wanting me there for them, to be constantly rejected and fighting for the relationship for over 3 months without any positive feedback, I would be heartbroken and devastated and depressed and I would question myself and my ability to be a good boyfriend/husband (I'm not saying I would react the same as him, but I do understand his choices). Than again this whole dynamic that you had initially with him (where you are someone's everything, and they are everything to you) is very alien to me and I could not be in a relationship like that.

You seem to be in a good place now and if I am to put myself in your situation I also wouldn't take any of my exes back (not even the ones that I maintained an amicable relationship with)... but it is a strange, annoying and aggravating feeling to have this happened to you.

Hope you feel better tomorrow

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

I think even if you decided to give him another chance you would always remember that he wasn’t there for you when you needed him, that he put his needs above yours (at an incredibly awful time). I think the one time we are allowed to be selfish within a relationship is when we are grieving. And in the grand scheme of things, 3 months is nothing is it really. But yet he walked away.

How could you trust that he wouldn’t do that again?

He had you and he had your love, yet when you needed him he turned his back and sought solace elsewhere. To my mind, he made his bed let him lie in it. Alone.

But that’s me and I don’t know the ins and outs of your past relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No no and no.

He couldn't stick with you at your lowest point, he doesn't deserve you."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could you ever trust him to keep your heart safe again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not."

Hi OP,

I’m in a similar situation, I thought everything was going fine then she left me at the start of this year.

I would have done anything for her, I offered to change jobs, move house, anything I could have thought of but none of it was good enough for her.

Looking back I think the signs were there that she wasn’t happy for a while, but every time I asked her she said there was nothing wrong - I may be over thinking things too but who knows the real truth?!

She left me for her boss pretty much straight away - she initially said there was no one else but the truth comes out in the end, and I think she was probably having an affair with him while we were still together.

She’s done a few other things as well that have shown me that I was instantly replaceable which has done wonders for my self esteem!

We have kids together too so we have to have regular contact, but she’s like your other half in that we never see each other, and half the time it’s her parents that drop them off.

What’s helped me is I’ve realised that she’s lost someone who would have done anything for her, and I’ve lost someone who was probably a cheater, and something else I saw recently is if you let them back into your life you’ve already seen how it’ll end.

I’m desperate to tell her to fuck off, and a few more bits that I shouldn’t but I’ve realised that there’s no point, that by letting her go I give up the power she holds over me.

But, and this is a big but if she ever tried to come back into my life the way your ex is trying to with you after I’ve picked myself up (still a work in progress!) I’d tell her to fuck off so hard and in such a way that she’d have no doubt that I never want to see her again in this lifetime and that I think she is the worst thing, and the worst person that I have ever met in my life!

Sorry this turned into a bit of an essay, it’s still quite raw with me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I understand women having to stick together and women empowerment I really do, I get it.

I think some of the advice given from the ladies have been quite biased and negative towards this man we know nothing about, apart from the fact “He was a good husband”.

It seems that line was missed but a lot of the women suggest this man maybe a narcissist or that he didn’t care etc.

I think the OP also acknowledges & empathised with the fact that she was absent in the relationship too & despite the unfortunate reason as to why, the fact still remained it was actually the OP that first checked out of the relationship not the “good husband”

Again from my experience and reflection on my own breakdown and breakdown of my long term relationship and I’m terms of taking accountability. The tragedy here and in a lot of relationships is the breakdown of real communication.

This is usually down to not wanting to “hurt the other person’s feelings” but the minute we stop communicating our feelings to the person we love is ultimately the start of the end.

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Nah! He let you down when you needed him most he doesn’t get to demand you meet his needs now

You were grieving 3 months is nothing in the grand scheme

A good marriage is not defined by how it is in easy times but by how/If it survives tough ones

He failed at the first real hurdle seemingly he cannot be trusted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah! He let you down when you needed him most he doesn’t get to demand you meet his needs now

You were grieving 3 months is nothing in the grand scheme

A good marriage is not defined by how it is in easy times but by how/If it survives tough ones

He failed at the first real hurdle seemingly he cannot be trusted "

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Communication is key in any relationship, it sounds as though he completely failed to show you any respect or communication regarding your relationship in its first instance, so why would he again now?

He only wants you back because his ‘new’ relationship has broken down, not because he wants you.

He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t want you, his actions are all about him and the attention that he desires.

You’re 100% right to tell him to get fucked. You deserve someone who wants and supports you, not someone who runs the second it’s not all about them.

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By *olmaMan
over a year ago

Kettering


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not."

Hi OP,

Firstly, like others have said, sorry for your loss, even though 5 years have passed. The loss of a close family member, speaking from personal experience, takes a lot more than 5 years to get over.

So, going only on what you have said, and of course there are 2 sides to the story.

But, I'll keep this short, no don't give him another chance.

You were grieving, and he couldn't deal with not being the centre of your attention, even with the kids you had...needs to get a grasp of reality.

And, I would hazard a guess, that he was seeing said woman behind your back. If he couldn't even be bothered to arrange collecting your kids directly with you, that's cowardly and he is too embarrassed to see you face to face for how your relationship first ended.

He bolted at the first sight of trouble, or when he wasn't getting your undivided attention 5 years ago, when you were grieving. He will probably do so again.

I have only given my opinion, purely based on what you have shared, and if that is the case, what I'd do if I was in your situation.

But, at the end of the day, tis your decision, as to what happens with him.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Sounds to me like you're over him.

I'd explain to him that the feelings you had for him are no longer there, so you aren't going to get back together.

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

I would advise you to pay no heed to all the relationship experts on here and suggest you think for yourself.

Only you know what you want.

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By *iona OP   Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

Thanks for all the advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The very fact this is still itching your brain suggest you may need closure on all this. Telling him to jog on may be cathartic but would having a calm talk with him actually help more?

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By *iona OP   Woman
over a year ago

outskirts


"The very fact this is still itching your brain suggest you may need closure on all this. Telling him to jog on may be cathartic but would having a calm talk with him actually help more? "

I've contacted him to talk to him. We are meeting up Monday afternoon to talk.

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By *iona OP   Woman
over a year ago

outskirts


"I would advise you to pay no heed to all the relationship experts on here and suggest you think for yourself.

Only you know what you want. "

Thank you

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By *iona OP   Woman
over a year ago

outskirts


"A bit of a rant really.

I was married to a guy I loved very much. He was the most important thing in my world, and everything about my daily routine involved him at the center. He did everything for me. He was a good husband.

There came a point where I neglected him for three months or so. He wanted to spend time together, and I was always doing other things. That’s all he wanted, was some time. He didn’t ask for anything else. At the time I just couldn't give him that time as I was grieving the loss of a close family member. Which he of course knew.

By the end of that three months, he was speaking to another woman, decided he wanted to be with her instead, and left me before I even realized he was unhappy. We had a strong marriage to that point, one I thought would never end. Complete strangers commented on how happy we were together.

So what did I do? I lived over a year thinking he would walk back through the door anyday telling my what a mistake he had made.

Not a day went by that I don’t wish he’d have listened to me when I said I loved him and wanted to make it right. He never gave me the chance, because by the time I knew there was a problem, he’d fallen out of love with me.

If he thinks he has you forever, if you think he has you forever, the reality is that that is not as certain as it seems, and lives can be changed forever in an instant. People like to think there’s always room to reconcile, but there can come a point where that’s never going to happen.

Five years have passed and finally when I'm over him he moves back to town telling me he is going to win me over. That walking away from me was the biggest regret he had.

I'm like seriously on 5 whole years the oky contact we had was when I was having my kids over for the odd weekend. He would always wait outside for the kids to come out. He would arrange to pick then up via my eldest. Now he want back in.

Am I over reacting for telling him to fuc# off? Can someone really change and be like I'm still in love with you even though we haven't spoke in 5 years? My guess is not.

You not over reacting one bit he made a choice of being a narcissist it's sounds like a manipulative relationship. No offense. "

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've contacted him to talk to him. We are meeting up Monday afternoon to talk."

I think that’s a good decision, at least you can get some sort of clarification or closure.

Stay true to you and what you want. I wish you all the best

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By *heArrowsCouple
over a year ago

I don't have time to read other responses so forgive me if I'm just repeating what others say.

I find it hard to judge people on their pursuit of happiness. We don't know how he was feeling and for how long.

However.

Do I think your ex made a mistake,yes.

Do I think he was a bit quick to rush out the door, yes.

Do I think he's shown himself to be a bad father by not being there for his kids all the time, yes.

My dad did these things. He would leave and come back. And leave and come back.

Your ex didn't say he loved you. He didn't say that he missed his best friend.

He made a mistake and he regrets it. Nice. So he was more comfortable with you. You maybe did more things for him, or your routines were something that gave him something.

He's not coming back for you. He's coming back because you are the best option for him. He's selfish and won't be there once a better option comes along for him.

I think you were right to tell him to fuck off.

If you must, let him prove himself. Let him be a parent. Let him show you that he's an adult. But you don't have to. Actions have consequences.

Obviously my perspectives are skewed because of my father and your ex isn't my father. People make mistakes and peoole have regrets. But there are also consequences to actions.

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds


"Could you ever trust him to keep your heart safe again?"

This is what you need. He left you at your lowest. You deserve time to think about this question.

C

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell him to get fucked.

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By *rhugesMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Sorry to say I think he is using you as a BTN better than nothing .

I find that contemptible. I hope I would tell him to get lost

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore

For what its worth, my own opinion is when a door closes, it's often best kept closed forever.

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By *iona OP   Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

I met him today. He claims that he never stopped loving me and is still in love with me. Which I find hard to believe considering we haven't spoken in 5 years. He said he couldn't talk to me during them 5years as his now ex wouldn't allow it. I should also mention that he his ex dumped him and not the other way around. I feel like he just wants somewhere to go.

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By *iona OP   Woman
over a year ago

outskirts


"I don't have time to read other responses so forgive me if I'm just repeating what others say.

I find it hard to judge people on their pursuit of happiness. We don't know how he was feeling and for how long.

However.

Do I think your ex made a mistake,yes.

Do I think he was a bit quick to rush out the door, yes.

Do I think he's shown himself to be a bad father by not being there for his kids all the time, yes.

My dad did these things. He would leave and come back. And leave and come back.

Your ex didn't say he loved you. He didn't say that he missed his best friend.

He made a mistake and he regrets it. Nice. So he was more comfortable with you. You maybe did more things for him, or your routines were something that gave him something.

He's not coming back for you. He's coming back because you are the best option for him. He's selfish and won't be there once a better option comes along for him.

I think you were right to tell him to fuck off.

If you must, let him prove himself. Let him be a parent. Let him show you that he's an adult. But you don't have to. Actions have consequences.

Obviously my perspectives are skewed because of my father and your ex isn't my father. People make mistakes and peoole have regrets. But there are also consequences to actions."

Thanks for the lengthy response.

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By *iona OP   Woman
over a year ago

outskirts


"I've contacted him to talk to him. We are meeting up Monday afternoon to talk.

I think that’s a good decision, at least you can get some sort of clarification or closure.

Stay true to you and what you want. I wish you all the best "

Thanks

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