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"Girl I fancied for years, I may as well have ducked a plank. " Are you Eric Sykes????? | |||
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"Girl I fancied for years, I may as well have ducked a plank. Are you Eric Sykes?????" Damm autocorrect | |||
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"Had a girl in January. She talked the talk, lead me into the bedroom, seemed very keen, then once she was undressed she dead-fished me. Just laid there, motionless, barely making a sound." I've had that. It's very disappointing | |||
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"Had a girl in January. She talked the talk, lead me into the bedroom, seemed very keen, then once she was undressed she dead-fished me. Just laid there, motionless, barely making a sound." I mean I'm not saying I do this, but also how are you meant to move about when you're on the bottom? | |||
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"Had a girl in January. She talked the talk, lead me into the bedroom, seemed very keen, then once she was undressed she dead-fished me. Just laid there, motionless, barely making a sound." I've had a similar experience. No noise, nothing. Then she just said "I've cum". Zero cues. I just fumbled an excuse and said goodbye. | |||
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"Had a girl in January. She talked the talk, lead me into the bedroom, seemed very keen, then once she was undressed she dead-fished me. Just laid there, motionless, barely making a sound. I mean I'm not saying I do this, but also how are you meant to move about when you're on the bottom? " When I say "motionless, and barely making a sound", I mean, if it wasn't for the fact that her eyes were open, I might've started checking for a pulse If you're on the bottom, you're not expected to move around all that much, I'm gonna be doing the bulk of the work, but I'd hope you would at least look alive. | |||
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"Had a girl in January. She talked the talk, lead me into the bedroom, seemed very keen, then once she was undressed she dead-fished me. Just laid there, motionless, barely making a sound. I mean I'm not saying I do this, but also how are you meant to move about when you're on the bottom? " What about before that? Do you give oral, or kiss, or show any signs of enthusiasm? | |||
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"Maybe they thought you where crap " Me? Didn’t get chance to be crap . | |||
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"Maybe they thought you where crap Me? Didn’t get chance to be crap . " wasn’t aimed at you although when I read it it looked like it was hence the quick removal I was getting at all the above who blamed the other person maybe they thought you as in them where crap | |||
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"Maybe they thought you where crap Me? Didn’t get chance to be crap . wasn’t aimed at you although when I read it it looked like it was hence the quick removal I was getting at all the above who blamed the other person maybe they thought you as in them where crap " it’s fine. I’ve stopped crying now | |||
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"Maybe they thought you where crap Me? Didn’t get chance to be crap . wasn’t aimed at you although when I read it it looked like it was hence the quick removal I was getting at all the above who blamed the other person maybe they thought you as in them where crap it’s fine. I’ve stopped crying now " glad I cleared it up | |||
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"My left hand is no where near as good as my right " I’m a southpaw | |||
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"Had a girl in January. She talked the talk, lead me into the bedroom, seemed very keen, then once she was undressed she dead-fished me. Just laid there, motionless, barely making a sound. I mean I'm not saying I do this, but also how are you meant to move about when you're on the bottom? When I say "motionless, and barely making a sound", I mean, if it wasn't for the fact that her eyes were open, I might've started checking for a pulse If you're on the bottom, you're not expected to move around all that much, I'm gonna be doing the bulk of the work, but I'd hope you would at least look alive." Ah okay yeah I'm definitely in the clear then | |||
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"When I was around 19 ish I went round to my boyfriends house (only been together a week) so all very new to me. Had some naughty time together and then I went for a shower. Bathroom door opened, "boyfriend" got in the shower with me. I kept looking at him thinking he looked slightly different and decided it was because he was all wet. More sex followed which was loads better than what we had just had together in the bedroom. Shower finished "boyfriend" left me to get dried off. I went back to the boyfriends bedroom to get dressed , and got asked " why didn't I wait for him to join me". My so called "new boyfriend" had a twin brother that I hadn't yet met! The twin was so much better at the sex stuff as well, the relationship didn't last the weekend after that! " Erm .. Wtf | |||
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"When I was around 19 ish I went round to my boyfriends house (only been together a week) so all very new to me. Had some naughty time together and then I went for a shower. Bathroom door opened, "boyfriend" got in the shower with me. I kept looking at him thinking he looked slightly different and decided it was because he was all wet. More sex followed which was loads better than what we had just had together in the bedroom. Shower finished "boyfriend" left me to get dried off. I went back to the boyfriends bedroom to get dressed , and got asked " why didn't I wait for him to join me". My so called "new boyfriend" had a twin brother that I hadn't yet met! The twin was so much better at the sex stuff as well, the relationship didn't last the weekend after that! Erm .. Wtf " See... you don't know all my secrets yet! Ha ha | |||
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"When I was around 19 ish I went round to my boyfriends house (only been together a week) so all very new to me. Had some naughty time together and then I went for a shower. Bathroom door opened, "boyfriend" got in the shower with me. I kept looking at him thinking he looked slightly different and decided it was because he was all wet. More sex followed which was loads better than what we had just had together in the bedroom. Shower finished "boyfriend" left me to get dried off. I went back to the boyfriends bedroom to get dressed , and got asked " why didn't I wait for him to join me". My so called "new boyfriend" had a twin brother that I hadn't yet met! The twin was so much better at the sex stuff as well, the relationship didn't last the weekend after that! " This is so fucking dodge. Not only did that guy screw over his brother, but he had sex with you under the guise of being someone else. Like, literally just following someone you don't know to the shower and getting in with them is creepy as hell. That's definitely not okay | |||
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"You know who you are " Come on!! Your floor is a minefield | |||
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"When I was around 19 ish I went round to my boyfriends house (only been together a week) so all very new to me. Had some naughty time together and then I went for a shower. Bathroom door opened, "boyfriend" got in the shower with me. I kept looking at him thinking he looked slightly different and decided it was because he was all wet. More sex followed which was loads better than what we had just had together in the bedroom. Shower finished "boyfriend" left me to get dried off. I went back to the boyfriends bedroom to get dressed , and got asked " why didn't I wait for him to join me". My so called "new boyfriend" had a twin brother that I hadn't yet met! The twin was so much better at the sex stuff as well, the relationship didn't last the weekend after that! Erm .. Wtf See... you don't know all my secrets yet! Ha ha " Apparently not | |||
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"When I was around 19 ish I went round to my boyfriends house (only been together a week) so all very new to me. Had some naughty time together and then I went for a shower. Bathroom door opened, "boyfriend" got in the shower with me. I kept looking at him thinking he looked slightly different and decided it was because he was all wet. More sex followed which was loads better than what we had just had together in the bedroom. Shower finished "boyfriend" left me to get dried off. I went back to the boyfriends bedroom to get dressed , and got asked " why didn't I wait for him to join me". My so called "new boyfriend" had a twin brother that I hadn't yet met! The twin was so much better at the sex stuff as well, the relationship didn't last the weekend after that! " Hahahahaha utter bullshit | |||
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"When I was around 19 ish I went round to my boyfriends house (only been together a week) so all very new to me. Had some naughty time together and then I went for a shower. Bathroom door opened, "boyfriend" got in the shower with me. I kept looking at him thinking he looked slightly different and decided it was because he was all wet. More sex followed which was loads better than what we had just had together in the bedroom. Shower finished "boyfriend" left me to get dried off. I went back to the boyfriends bedroom to get dressed , and got asked " why didn't I wait for him to join me". My so called "new boyfriend" had a twin brother that I hadn't yet met! The twin was so much better at the sex stuff as well, the relationship didn't last the weekend after that! This is so fucking dodge. Not only did that guy screw over his brother, but he had sex with you under the guise of being someone else. Like, literally just following someone you don't know to the shower and getting in with them is creepy as hell. That's definitely not okay " You believe it? Lol. Ridiculous story lol x | |||
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"Was with a guy who thought rubbing his palm up and down my vulva ridiculously fast would get me off....no love it just caused friction burns " Did we sleep with the same guy? | |||
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"When I was around 19 ish I went round to my boyfriends house (only been together a week) so all very new to me. Had some naughty time together and then I went for a shower. Bathroom door opened, "boyfriend" got in the shower with me. I kept looking at him thinking he looked slightly different and decided it was because he was all wet. More sex followed which was loads better than what we had just had together in the bedroom. Shower finished "boyfriend" left me to get dried off. I went back to the boyfriends bedroom to get dressed , and got asked " why didn't I wait for him to join me". My so called "new boyfriend" had a twin brother that I hadn't yet met! The twin was so much better at the sex stuff as well, the relationship didn't last the weekend after that! " Some story this..This has to go on twitter's Friday confessions. | |||
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"When I was around 19 ish I went round to my boyfriends house (only been together a week) so all very new to me. Had some naughty time together and then I went for a shower. Bathroom door opened, "boyfriend" got in the shower with me. I kept looking at him thinking he looked slightly different and decided it was because he was all wet. More sex followed which was loads better than what we had just had together in the bedroom. Shower finished "boyfriend" left me to get dried off. I went back to the boyfriends bedroom to get dressed , and got asked " why didn't I wait for him to join me". My so called "new boyfriend" had a twin brother that I hadn't yet met! The twin was so much better at the sex stuff as well, the relationship didn't last the weekend after that! This is so fucking dodge. Not only did that guy screw over his brother, but he had sex with you under the guise of being someone else. Like, literally just following someone you don't know to the shower and getting in with them is creepy as hell. That's definitely not okay You believe it? Lol. Ridiculous story lol x" Be a bit sad to make it up, no? | |||
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"Was with a guy who thought rubbing his palm up and down my vulva ridiculously fast would get me off....no love it just caused friction burns Did we sleep with the same guy? " Haha Tg x | |||
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"And why ...go" Couldn't feel much as too small | |||
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"Micropenis. Long time ago. Couldn't feel it." FFS. We said we'd never talk of this again....... Winston | |||
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"I regurgitated a tuna/mayo sandwich on cock once. I did warn him I can't deepthroat after eating. " Sorry but | |||
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"I regurgitated a tuna/mayo sandwich on cock once. I did warn him I can't deepthroat after eating. " So I guess that was tuna and mayo on a crusty cob to go | |||
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"Had a girl in January. She talked the talk, lead me into the bedroom, seemed very keen, then once she was undressed she dead-fished me. Just laid there, motionless, barely making a sound. I mean I'm not saying I do this, but also how are you meant to move about when you're on the bottom? When I say "motionless, and barely making a sound", I mean, if it wasn't for the fact that her eyes were open, I might've started checking for a pulse If you're on the bottom, you're not expected to move around all that much, I'm gonna be doing the bulk of the work, but I'd hope you would at least look alive." I am sorry to laugh at your experience but this is funny AF | |||
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"She seemed like she hated every second of it. To the point I stopped like 5 times to check she was ok. After the 5th time I just said I can’t do this and left. She seemed confused but was ok with it. Weirdly enough we met once and that happened, maybe about 1.5 years ago, and we still chat weekly on insta about our dating success/failures It was weird " Sounds like it is still weird! | |||
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"Either the one who puked all over me, or the one whose colostomy bag burst and there was crap over both of us. In both instances, we got to shower but not in the best of circumstances!" OMG! Yuck!! | |||
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"When I was around 19 ish I went round to my boyfriends house (only been together a week) so all very new to me. Had some naughty time together and then I went for a shower. Bathroom door opened, "boyfriend" got in the shower with me. I kept looking at him thinking he looked slightly different and decided it was because he was all wet. More sex followed which was loads better than what we had just had together in the bedroom. Shower finished "boyfriend" left me to get dried off. I went back to the boyfriends bedroom to get dressed , and got asked " why didn't I wait for him to join me". My so called "new boyfriend" had a twin brother that I hadn't yet met! The twin was so much better at the sex stuff as well, the relationship didn't last the weekend after that! " Rape is fine as long as the sex is good | |||
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"When a toy got sucked up into her arse " Had you already stuck a dyson in there?? | |||
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"Was the first time after being celibate for 13 years! Hurt so much it was a very thick cock! Actually made me bleed! At the age of 60 x" Born again virgin | |||
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"Was the first time after being celibate for 13 years! Hurt so much it was a very thick cock! Actually made me bleed! At the age of 60 x Born again virgin" Literally yes! X | |||
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"Does it really matter when there all coming off mate " It probably didn’t but at the time it did lol, if I had my time again. | |||
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"Probably the guy who rubbed me so raw I couldn't actually have penetrative sex with him because he made me so sore. There's also the one that spat in my face with no prior discussion, kept insisting he could cum from a blowjob and stay hard (he seemed to think I'd find it very impressive) and then it turned out he couldn't. He then got angry with his dick, made a cup of tea and the left to get KFC instead. " Sometimes a KFC is all a guy needs. Just saying… | |||
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"Picked up a lovely very sweet young lady a few years ago. Everything was going swimmingly. Until I went down on her and found that her lady garden smelled like a burning tyre bonfire at a seafood processing plant. That is the only description I can give. I actually gipped, and I've been round the block plenty of times, this was not normal " I’ve come across this sort of thing. I believe it’s some kind of yeast infection? (Ladies can correct if wrong I’m sure) | |||
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"Picked up a lovely very sweet young lady a few years ago. Everything was going swimmingly. Until I went down on her and found that her lady garden smelled like a burning tyre bonfire at a seafood processing plant. That is the only description I can give. I actually gipped, and I've been round the block plenty of times, this was not normal I’ve come across this sort of thing. I believe it’s some kind of yeast infection? (Ladies can correct if wrong I’m sure)" More likely to be bacterial vaginosis which can ironically be caused by over washing or cleaning with soaps that are too harsh or scented. | |||
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"Picked up a lovely very sweet young lady a few years ago. Everything was going swimmingly. Until I went down on her and found that her lady garden smelled like a burning tyre bonfire at a seafood processing plant. That is the only description I can give. I actually gipped, and I've been round the block plenty of times, this was not normal I’ve come across this sort of thing. I believe it’s some kind of yeast infection? (Ladies can correct if wrong I’m sure) More likely to be bacterial vaginosis which can ironically be caused by over washing or cleaning with soaps that are too harsh or scented. " Yes bacteria ?? I’d heard that too. Anyway, moving on! | |||
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"Girl I fancied for years, I may as well have ducked a plank. She just lay there while I went down on her and didn’t move when I fucked her. Was talking to a friend a few days later who told me that she was the same with him." Very similar story here, she d*unkenly seduced me and took back to hers - the most boring uneventful shag ever. I've seen bags of King Eddy's move more | |||
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"Either the one who puked all over me, or the one whose colostomy bag burst and there was crap over both of us. In both instances, we got to shower but not in the best of circumstances! OMG! Yuck!! " | |||
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"Picked up a lovely very sweet young lady a few years ago. Everything was going swimmingly. Until I went down on her and found that her lady garden smelled like a burning tyre bonfire at a seafood processing plant. That is the only description I can give. I actually gipped, and I've been round the block plenty of times, this was not normal I’ve come across this sort of thing. I believe it’s some kind of yeast infection? (Ladies can correct if wrong I’m sure) More likely to be bacterial vaginosis which can ironically be caused by over washing or cleaning with soaps that are too harsh or scented. Yes bacteria ?? I’d heard that too. Anyway, moving on! " Or they have just had sex | |||
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"During my uni days, I used to visit a particular club with a hot female bouncer who used to check me out all the time. So after seeing her a couple of times, I asked her out. Date night comes, we go for drinks and have a great time, so much so that we head to mine. Got back to mine, opened a bottle of time, and things start heating up. She opens her legs, I stick my hands down there and suddenly it’s like I am in Billingsgate Fish Market. Beautiful girl, but the smell was so bad, my little friend just said to me, “you are on your own”! I really couldn’t if I wanted to, so made some excuses about my doctor advising me about abstaining from sex for a few weeks. Poor girl, to this day she still doesn’t know why it never happened." Same totall yuk!! One of the worst things that can happen. Dont people know,or are aware of thier own smells!! | |||
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