FabSwingers.com forum: Sexual experience/confidence

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There are those that come to fab for swinging, just sex and those that want to explore and discover their kinks, fetishes, sexuality and so on.

But where are you in the 'spectrum'?

And do you consider those as sexual partners/meets that are not as experienced or know themselves as much as you?

Do you shy away from more experienced lovers in fear of being something lesser to their expectations or needs or wants?

Does it excite you or do you feel anxious?

Have you ever had a total mismatch?

Have you ever come across someone that talked the talk but when it came to it they weren't quite as they had come across? And vice versa?

Lots of questions I know but I'm curious.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I don’t like complete novices in some aspects of things, in others it’s ok.

I don’t like feeling like someone’s experiment and I don’t want to run the risk of things going badly if they decide that they don’t like the situation.

Thankfully I’ve never had someone misrepresent themselves sexually, personally is a different matter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll happily tell people I'm crap in bed.

I need someone good to even things out.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don’t like complete novices in some aspects of things, in others it’s ok.

I don’t like feeling like someone’s experiment and I don’t want to run the risk of things going badly if they decide that they don’t like the situation.

Thankfully I’ve never had someone misrepresent themselves sexually, personally is a different matter"

To add to my post;

I think that I’m fairly experienced, I like it when others are too, I don’t think that I’ve ever been intimidated by someone’s experience though, even in my early years!

I am very selective about my partners though, so perhaps that’s part of it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don’t like complete novices in some aspects of things, in others it’s ok.

I don’t like feeling like someone’s experiment and I don’t want to run the risk of things going badly if they decide that they don’t like the situation.

Thankfully I’ve never had someone misrepresent themselves sexually, personally is a different matter

To add to my post;

I think that I’m fairly experienced, I like it when others are too, I don’t think that I’ve ever been intimidated by someone’s experience though, even in my early years!

I am very selective about my partners though, so perhaps that’s part of it"

How do you gauge exactly how experienced you are though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I veer away from men who might expect me to very experienced sexually and ultra confident. My photos possibly give that impression. But that's what they come out as! I find younger guys particularly see older women that way.

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"There are those that come to fab for swinging, just sex and those that want to explore and discover their kinks, fetishes, sexuality and so on.

But where are you in the 'spectrum'?

And do you consider those as sexual partners/meets that are not as experienced or know themselves as much as you?

Do you shy away from more experienced lovers in fear of being something lesser to their expectations or needs or wants?

Does it excite you or do you feel anxious?

Have you ever had a total mismatch?

Have you ever come across someone that talked the talk but when it came to it they weren't quite as they had come across? And vice versa?

Lots of questions I know but I'm curious.

Hmm

Somewhere in the middle? I came to fab several years ago having only really had sex within monogamous hetero relationships.

I’d recently accepted/acknowledged I was bi and wanted to explore that and I also wanted sex but not another relationship

I’ll consider less experienced fabbers but not extremely so as I am not a sex tutor, I want meets that know what they are doing and are confident without being arrogant or thinking the same “moves” work on everyone

I’m wary of the claimed more experienced in the bdsm side of things as there’s very little way of thoroughly checking this and there’s a safety aspect. I prefer to have regular meets and when I know them well I’m happy to explore that side of things with them

At this point I don’t worry too much about not meeting expectations in terms of experience but then that’s what messaging is for to see if there is a match there

Early on lots of anxiety and still get a little with new meets now but that’s part of the fun

Again early on there were some issues with people who claimed all sorts and then failed to deliver but the more fab experience you gain then the better you get at ing out these types

I hope I haven’t disappointed but then would they have said so? Rarely been the case that if we’ve reached the stage of having fun they don’t want to meet again but it doesn’t always happen as simply sometimes life gets in the way and availability doesn’t match. But then maybe that was a polite rebuff on occasion? Who knows?

Nobody is suited to everyone they meet but that’s true in real life too we don’t like everyone not everyone likes us

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

I think that a huge amount of people are drawn to this place as somewhere to explore (their) bisexuality. I certainly was, and I feel lucky to have Fabguys too. From a different perspective I expect it's the same for a lot of the coupled swingers on Fabswingers too (the heart of this site).

When I first joined, a lot of the profiles I looked at seemed a bit scary, and some of them quite arrogant and cliquey. A little bit of that is probably still around, but a lot of it has toned-down a great deal I think. So Fab is quite a friendly place now I feel, yet a lot of new people will still naturally feel nervous and anxious - no matter how 'sexy' they might be. Quality is subjective and performance can always be erratic! Like everything in life, things come along with experience though.

I get people pretending they are exactly what I want all the time, but I've built up ways of spotting it early to avoid it happening at a meet. I think a lot of people do that in the end, the inevitable outcome of which being the realisation that Fab really-isn't *all that* easy a place to meet people after all!

The best fabbers I think are those who have come to terms with what this place can do for them. It's all about what we want and finding similar. Fab can't really add anything to that (change people to suit us etc), it can only help start it. --pt

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By *eisty LadyWoman
over a year ago

Count Your Blessings Cottage, Gratitude Grove

I think there’s a lot of sightseeing going on

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By *uciferLingerieMan
over a year ago

Leeds

Joined here looking to find ladies interested in guys into dressing up in lingerie as it's not really a popular kink or subject to bring up at the dinner table! And still hard to find on here...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think there’s a lot of sightseeing going on "

welcome to fab. Where you’re fantasies come to die.

Answering the op. I’m one of theirs that wants to explore, I’m not locking dungeon doors and dropping a couple of duffel bags of toys on the floor, and I’m not shy either.

I’m comfortable doing thing with the right person who is comfortable doing things with me. I’d say that how a good sex partner should be, meeting each other in the middle or going with their flow.

If your on fab, you’ve got experience, it’s now just about practice right?

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Have to say I disagree with the "If you're on fab you've got experience" comment above.

Until I turned 50 I had more life experience than many on here but virtually no sexual experience.

I discovered at that age that I had missed out on so much and there was an enormous void. I joined here aged 52 with no plan apart from seeing if there were others like me and there were, lots and lots.

I'm extremely fussy about who I chat too and even more about who I choose to get naked with.

I've never approached here like a kid in a sweet shop and 7 play meets in 5 years can confirm that.

I've had plenty of offers but no interest on my part for various reasons, none of which had anything to do with my lack of experience. It often had more to do with the fact that it was very obvious that I was just a number and their offers were based solely on my pics and nothing else. Hence why my profile is written the way it is.

I'm very instinctual when it comes to sex so it doesn't matter to me if someone has even less experience than I do because that mutual exploration is what I'm here for.

I've always said that I much prefer to meet people who are on a similar path and not only that but who are also at the same junction on that path.

I've never agreed with the age equals experience beliefs that some in here have because I've chatted to many women over the years who felt they had been held back sexually due to circumstances or conditioning.

I've been lucky enough to find a great friend who I can be completely naked with even when I'm fully dressed and that allows us both to explore whatever paths we find without concerning ourselves with experience.

There is no pressure or expectation at all so if it's the first time for something and it goes completely wrong at least we can have a laugh and go again.

I've never understood why people take it all so seriously that they put themselves or others under pressure to perform.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’m fairly vanilla. I prefer passionate intense sex rather than kinky sex. I’ve only discovered that through my time on Fab.

Yes I’ve met folk who talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. But then I’ve met folk who talk the talk but who did walk the walk also.

I prefer experienced men on fab. I like my sexual partners to be utterly filthy in bed, and confident. That tends to come with experience.

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

I came on here hoping to find some women that would do things that I have never experienced before

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have to say I disagree with the "If you're on fab you've got experience" comment above.

Describe what experience means. I’ll defend my comment.

Nobody said ‘expert’. Nobody said ‘years of experience’ nobody said ‘100’s of partners’.

I said ‘experience’ that could be once all the way to many. And from naive to, I’ll have you hung from the rafters like my sex toy.

Experience is individual. If you here with no experience of sex whatsoever (virgin) I’d be f’kin surprised.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I suppose where I don't chase orgasms only pleasure, it differs slightly for me. I tend to avoid scripted this is what you need to do to make me cum types and thoroughly investigate let's just play types

In cases of experience, the only thing I need him to be able to do, is to read my body's responses well, as that's something I would never compromise on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m good at sex. I have sex on a regular basis. I wasn’t experienced or considered myself good. After my divorce, I started having meets and my experience and confidence grew.

I have a dad bod, but it doesn’t stop me thinking any less of myself. I take people as they come , be a decent human being with a sense of humour and that’s all I need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have to say I disagree with the "If you're on fab you've got experience" comment above.

Describe what experience means. I’ll defend my comment.

Nobody said ‘expert’. Nobody said ‘years of experience’ nobody said ‘100’s of partners’.

I said ‘experience’ that could be once all the way to many. And from naive to, I’ll have you hung from the rafters like my sex toy.

Experience is individual. If you here with no experience of sex whatsoever (virgin) I’d be f’kin surprised. "

"Being experienced" and "having experience" are quite different. I liked your original comment - we have all had sex, but perhaps some of us haven't had as much practice so we don't have as much confidence. Or we could just be interested and eager and wanting to learn more.

"Experienced lover" isn't always what it's cracked up to be. I met someone last year who clearly was, and it had all the appeal of an overly warm egg sandwich. It's like there was a checklist. I don't want to have sex by numbers. I've also recently spent time with someone much younger, who is lacking in finesse I guess. But the energy and connection is wonderful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer someone with confidence. Sometimes it’s good to try something new, to have that fuck did we really do that moment.

I always find the chat before gives a sense of what the meet is going to be like but you never do everything discussed you’d be there all week

J x

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By *entDomMan
over a year ago

Paddock Wood, Kent

There is an expectation that some people put on themselves to fuck like they do in porn

Every day is a learning day. So however experienced you are be open to new things.

I am more than happy to lead a woman on a voyage of discovery, I find that fun. Finding limits, perhaps pushing a few soft ones

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I consider myself to be fairly experienced and I've experienced the majority of my fantasies and desires (at least those that I have discovered so far).

I'm not so bothered by experience when it comes to my sexual partners. What is important to me there is a desire to please me and a willingness to learn how to regardless of experience level as every person is different. That is how I approach sex myself too.

When it comes to kinkier stuff, I'm happy to explore with someone fairly new to things but there's certain things I wouldn't do with someone inexperienced from a safety perspective. With some things you need to know what you're doing or it can be dangerous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I prefer someone with confidence. Sometimes it’s good to try something new, to have that fuck did we really do that moment.

I always find the chat before gives a sense of what the meet is going to be like but you never do everything discussed you’d be there all week

J x "

Confidence and experience are two different things. I like confidence over experience everyday of the week. Yes sure ‘you may have had sex with lots of men…..and? (Not directed at you Jasmine

) I’ve had experienced people work with me, I didn’t ask them back the next day.

I’m confident I’d enjoy everything with the right people/person. From sensual all the way to the kinkiest filth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I prefer someone with confidence. Sometimes it’s good to try something new, to have that fuck did we really do that moment.

I always find the chat before gives a sense of what the meet is going to be like but you never do everything discussed you’d be there all week

J x

Confidence and experience are two different things. I like confidence over experience everyday of the week. Yes sure ‘you may have had sex with lots of men…..and? (Not directed at you Jasmine

) I’ve had experienced people work with me, I didn’t ask them back the next day.

I’m confident I’d enjoy everything with the right people/person. From sensual all the way to the kinkiest filth.

confidence is a mind set, experience is proven.

I may have the confidence to scale a mountain but have never done it . I may have the experience to scale a mountain because I’ve done it .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on who it is and scenario.

My confidence comes and goes in waves. If I feel overwhelmed my confidence disappears.

I've always been quiet irl and it's only been in the last few years I've felt more confident in myself and how I project myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I prefer someone with confidence. Sometimes it’s good to try something new, to have that fuck did we really do that moment.

I always find the chat before gives a sense of what the meet is going to be like but you never do everything discussed you’d be there all week

J x

Confidence and experience are two different things. I like confidence over experience everyday of the week. Yes sure ‘you may have had sex with lots of men…..and? (Not directed at you Jasmine

) I’ve had experienced people work with me, I didn’t ask them back the next day.

I’m confident I’d enjoy everything with the right people/person. From sensual all the way to the kinkiest filth.

100% agree.

Fab has given me a confidence superpower.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don’t like complete novices in some aspects of things, in others it’s ok.

I don’t like feeling like someone’s experiment and I don’t want to run the risk of things going badly if they decide that they don’t like the situation.

Thankfully I’ve never had someone misrepresent themselves sexually, personally is a different matter

To add to my post;

I think that I’m fairly experienced, I like it when others are too, I don’t think that I’ve ever been intimidated by someone’s experience though, even in my early years!

I am very selective about my partners though, so perhaps that’s part of it

How do you gauge exactly how experienced you are though? "

There’s not a tick box and there will always be people who have done more and experienced more but in most situations I know what I’m doing. I’d class that as experienced

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I prefer someone with confidence. Sometimes it’s good to try something new, to have that fuck did we really do that moment.

I always find the chat before gives a sense of what the meet is going to be like but you never do everything discussed you’d be there all week

J x

Confidence and experience are two different things. I like confidence over experience everyday of the week. Yes sure ‘you may have had sex with lots of men…..and? (Not directed at you Jasmine

) I’ve had experienced people work with me, I didn’t ask them back the next day.

I’m confident I’d enjoy everything with the right people/person. From sensual all the way to the kinkiest filth.

confidence is a mind set, experience is proven.

I may have the confidence to scale a mountain but have never done it . I may have the experience to scale a mountain because I’ve done it . "

Haha. Did you huff and puff all the way up or did you bound the bitch like you owned it?

Because the tale you tell to your friends and the press and your sponsor is important isn’t it.

I’d take someone with confidence to my room a lot quicker than someone’s who tells me they have ‘experience’.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I personally avoid people with certain attitudes towards sex, mainly because I acknowledge that I wouldn't be what they're after. Any guy who likes older women because 'they know what they want and how to get it', would be an instant 'no' from me for instance. That simply isn't me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't meet people with lots of veris showing as they are more likely to be 'all show'. Sexperts who have something to prove.

I like real people, not tick boxes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m happy to say I’m confident and experienced with the things I’ve done so far. I don’t think there is much of a gauge but how you feel.

I’ve met quite a few people for their first time, and I have no problem with that. I’ve also met people who’ve been swinging for years. It doesn’t make me feel anxious, if anything it gives me more confidence.

As everything though it’s a constant journey, I’m always learning and exploring new things along the way.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I like diversity in my sex life, and each person brings a different dynamic.

I'll try most things once

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Prefer lasses who know how to let go im not into virgin training

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

I don't really worry about how much experience someone has. It's about the connection. And it's going to be our first experience together if we meet and that's what counts.

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