FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Should I even be here?

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I appreciate we’re all humans with complicated feelings. Some are able to deal with things in a matter of fact type way. And I admire you.

Is it normalised now that just cutting someone off (ghosting/ deleting) mid conversation is okay?

Short story. - dating app, she asks a personal question, I answer honestly. And boom, I’m blocked. No explanation or “Sorry, but that wouldn’t work for me” type thing. We had talked all day!!

Do you have to be tough skinned and should I follow suit and just delete and block ? I’m starting to think my sensitive soul is getting a beating here. I can’t get my head around it.

And also, could this actually slip into real life where we act the same way? silly notion I know, but we do it online at the moment, are we just copying what we see?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to have skin like tree bark mate.

These women/couples/men owe you nothing and can behave how they want.

No one would act in person like they do on here? But that's the internet for you.

Grow tougher skin and move on.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *itygamesMan
over a year ago

UK

One thing that i always think of is........is it actually a female i'm chatting with, even if youve seen a pic dosent guarantee that in a few chats ive come across.

secondly chatting all day is a long time , she could of become bored...treat em mean keep em keen.

blockings a common and well used thing on here and is needed so my thoughts would be just move along and forget about your day of chatting , or the waste of a day it was/turned out to be for you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am guilty of stopping conversations, but that's usually only after a handful of messages.

I don't get the whole just ghosting someone though. But it happens, I've had it happen after talking for months. Not a lot you can do.

I never get overly involved with anyone for that reason now though.

Also, yes you should be here!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *olden PoleMan
over a year ago

Kent

Think of it as shopping, people browse at what’s on offer and grab at what they want, the things they might like get a little interest then discarded without a second thought and the things of no interest get ignored completely.

I’ve been observing people and how we communicate for a while now. Face to face conversation seems a thing of the past. People in groups all stare at the phones tapping or swiping at the screen.

To interact personally with someone takes a degree of confidence, being reasonably articulate, having the concentration and ability to understand and digest what’s being said.....my view is that these very basic skills are being eroded by the obsession with the devices and social media that rule our lives now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"…….

Grow tougher skin and move on.

"

That’s what I know I should do for my sanity, but if I become as cold as what is done to me, do I change as a person? I’m scared I’d be the same in real life.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess some people just find it easier to block if they realise its a deal breaker. A shame they didn't just say 'sorry, doesn't work for me', but i imagine on dating aps you make tonnes of connections. It does sound brutal x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am guilty of stopping conversations, but that's usually only after a handful of messages.

I don't get the whole just ghosting someone though. But it happens, I've had it happen after talking for months. Not a lot you can do.

****I never get overly involved with anyone for that reason now though.****

Also, yes you should be here!!

"

Someone once told me I invest too much into people.

I didn’t know what she meant at the time, but I get it now.

But how are you going to get to know someone without doing what you want them to do?

Behave how you want them to behave, isn’t it?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Online throw away connections/conversations are very commonplace as it's too easy to add zero value to that person.

Unfortunately thick skin is a requirement and something our younger generation has to learn

Yes. As long as you want to be here you should be

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oodoodMan
over a year ago

Suffolkish

It's very disconcerting to say the least. Usually happens to me after I share a face pic and that's really character forming!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"…..

I’ve been observing people and how we communicate for a while now. Face to face conversation seems a thing of the past. People in groups all stare at the phones tapping or swiping at the screen……"

Don’t get me started on this. Relationships break down because people spend too much time on their phone without being in the moment with them…. Taking pictures of food for Facebook???

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

don’t lower your standards and become like them, as others have already suggested - it’s best to not overthink and simply move on. site can be fun but unfortunately, not everyones idea of fun is going to be the same as yours; and yes, there are a lot of flakes on here who’ve never any intentions of meeting etc. so best not to let it get you down. enjoy fabs and I hope you meet someone very special soon, chances are high since there are a lot of good peeps on here as well...!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *olden PoleMan
over a year ago

Kent


"…..

I’ve been observing people and how we communicate for a while now. Face to face conversation seems a thing of the past. People in groups all stare at the phones tapping or swiping at the screen……

Don’t get me started on this. Relationships break down because people spend too much time on their phone without being in the moment with them…. Taking pictures of food for Facebook??? "

Yep....when one really stops a thinks for a moment about what people are sharing and what information people think is relevant.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oodoodMan
over a year ago

Suffolkish

But in answer to your initial question yes you should be here if you want to be!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Online dating is hard work. I've met some nice people doing it and I've met some horrors. I've accidentally been rude to people as well as I try not to mess with my phone all day so I don't reply for hours and then I forget.

I've joined a running club and a couple of hiking/outdoorsy groups on Facebook where we go and do events or activities. Why don't you try that?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

It seems to have suited you for more than a year, so I'm confident that you'll be fine

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I appreciate we’re all humans with complicated feelings. Some are able to deal with things in a matter of fact type way. And I admire you.

Is it normalised now that just cutting someone off (ghosting/ deleting) mid conversation is okay?

Short story. - dating app, she asks a personal question, I answer honestly. And boom, I’m blocked. No explanation or “Sorry, but that wouldn’t work for me” type thing. We had talked all day!!

Do you have to be tough skinned and should I follow suit and just delete and block ? I’m starting to think my sensitive soul is getting a beating here. I can’t get my head around it.

And also, could this actually slip into real life where we act the same way? silly notion I know, but we do it online at the moment, are we just copying what we see?"

What was the question she asked?

Perhaps she was wary of abuse if she said she'd changed her mind.

Some people are shit.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

I've giving up on online dating as I quite often get ghosted but given the benefit of the doubt that they may be busy but when apps like Facebook dating tells you the person you were chatting to has changed their profile pictures about 30 times and still not replied.. you kinda get the hint that they are not interested anymore so best to move on really. To be fair, I do send a message to say hi one last time before deleting just to check but often that doesn't work. Just the way the world works these days I suppose

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a brutal jolt every time someone does that. It's perfectly natural that it stings. It makes you human. I'd feel the same and to be honest the last time someone did something similar I backed off from meeting anyone for months. Who wants skin like a rhino? If you deflect all the negative you deflect the positive too.

Maybe take a break from meeting or dating, just enjoy the forum and the friends you have here?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I used to be the guy investing more in others than they were ever prepared to invest in me and for too long I didn't see how they were using that to their advantage.

I have been guilty in more recent times of just walking away from conversations without feeling the need to explain why.

Usually when they need drama and if they don't have any they create it.

No amount of asking why ever works and any attempt to explain why you no longer wish to engage with them just leads to more hand wringing and finger pointing.

It's easier just to walk away.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It seems to have suited you for more than a year, so I'm confident that you'll be fine "

Fab for sexy times is different to actually wanting a date.

If someone blocked me off here after I sent a FAF I’d be fine.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I loathe dating apps because of this, there like Amazon for people reducing us to being disposable goods. People skim through the pretty pictures discarding at first glance, not knowing a damn thing about each other. Then if you're lucky they show interest, pop you in their trolley and start chatting, then out of the blue something better will come along and you're dumped out of the trolley with no rhyme or reason. You can feel like that packet of chicken you see hanging off a shelf, just by the checkouts, no longer wanted.

You should be hear Woody, you are clearly thoughtful, intelligent, witty, you're a bonus to the forums and you ask questions I often ask in my head but not hear, for fear of ridicule. You most definitely don't need to change you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville


"It seems to have suited you for more than a year, so I'm confident that you'll be fine

Fab for sexy times is different to actually wanting a date.

If someone blocked me off here after I sent a FAF I’d be fine. "

Fair

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy "

This is good advice. Chatting all day just means you’ve moved into idle chit chat. People have other things to do (or should do) and get distracted and/or bored.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy "

Good advice I can take.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy

This is good advice. Chatting all day just means you’ve moved into idle chit chat. People have other things to do (or should do) and get distracted and/or bored. "

The lines moves fast in dating these days

Always remember. ABC

Always Be Closing

You should be pushing to get off fab/apps asap onto phone numbers, and then from number to date asap too

Those that want to, will

Those that don’t, will still chat to you until they get bored

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy "

He's got a point.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy "

Someone pushing me to meet would just annoy me and that would be the end of it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

chichester


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy

This is good advice. Chatting all day just means you’ve moved into idle chit chat. People have other things to do (or should do) and get distracted and/or bored.

The lines moves fast in dating these days

Always remember. ABC

Always Be Closing

You should be pushing to get off fab/apps asap onto phone numbers, and then from number to date asap too

Those that want to, will

Those that don’t, will still chat to you until they get bored"

I generally find If you don’t meet within two weeks of initial speaking. It’s more than likely you will not meet. As reasons mentioned

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's very disconcerting to say the least. Usually happens to me after I share a face pic and that's really character forming!

"

That way of liveing is actually here amongst us al. Where ever you go,heads are stuck to the phone.

All dorked out.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy

He's got a point. "

Seconded.

Fellow dating site user here, I don't get 100 matches a day but he's got a point.

Back when I first started using dating sites in 2014, it was so much easier. You'd talk to someone for a bit, get asked out, go on a date and probably get ghosted but at least it went somewhere.

These days on the occasions I've had interest, it seems to be a whole lot of talking, talks of a date but nothing actually materialising.

I wouldn't take the ghosting personally, yes it's shitty but whether it's here or on a dating site, you never know the reaction she's had from other men when she's said 'thanks but no thanks' hence why she now just blocks.

It's finding a balance of showing interest without appearing too interested and timing it right to ask the person in a date.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

When representing yourself it's best to be true to yourself... whether you think in doing so could lead to a block/ghosting or not.

Best to be honest with your answer.

I'm not a fan of 'if you can't beat them join them attitude'

I think you should be here or anywhere else you want to be x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy

Someone pushing me to meet would just annoy me and that would be the end of it.

"

Me too. I like to get to know people a bit.

Op, you’re lovely, if you’re happy here and enjoying it, then stay .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy

Someone pushing me to meet would just annoy me and that would be the end of it.

"

I'd feel the same way. And I never give my phone number. A few guys have ghosted me after I said no to that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy "

I always meet for a social within 2 weeks of first chatting or we will never meet.

Communication is easier face to face. No time wasted chatting online when there's no real attraction.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I'm not sure exactly how I'd approach online dating now.

But any online chat would be likely to be at a fairly superficial level for me

It's not real until I see the whites of their eyes

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Online dating, just as on here, makes people seem disposable. It doesn’t matter that you were talking all day, to them you’re just a potential and a faceless bunch of texts on their phone.

I’ve had people that I’ve met treat me as disposable, hell I’ve had relationships like that and it really stings.

Is it you or them though?

If they can’t recognise the humanity in those that they interact with then that’s not about you. However it’s the same everywhere.

It would be nice to get an explanation but at the same point, that can lead to conflict; ‘why not?’ ‘I didn’t mean that’, etc.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andering Welsh GuyMan
over a year ago

All over the place


"I appreciate we’re all humans with complicated feelings. Some are able to deal with things in a matter of fact type way. And I admire you.

Is it normalised now that just cutting someone off (ghosting/ deleting) mid conversation is okay?

Short story. - dating app, she asks a personal question, I answer honestly. And boom, I’m blocked. No explanation or “Sorry, but that wouldn’t work for me” type thing. We had talked all day!!

Do you have to be tough skinned and should I follow suit and just delete and block ? I’m starting to think my sensitive soul is getting a beating here. I can’t get my head around it.

And also, could this actually slip into real life where we act the same way? silly notion I know, but we do it online at the moment, are we just copying what we see?"

That's a decision only you can make my friend. This site is full of time wasters, fakes, etc but there are also some good people it's about riding the rough and enjoying the smooth

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, her decision to block after you were honest is not about you.

Some people don’t have the headspace to reply back with ‘ok, that’s not for me’, and it’s not a criticism of them, but maybe in that moment they couldn’t, so felt the only option was to block.

You genuinely never know how someone will react to that, and it may have felt like her safest option, even if it wasn’t pleasant for you.

If you weren’t matched for whatever reason, although it wasn’t nice for you to be abruptly blocked, it’s better to know and move on?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry this happened, pal.

I wouldn’t say this is the same as ghosting but I think it’s pretty shit and horrible when it happens. With these dating apps, you’ve got to be pretty detached until you’ve met someone a few times I think. And in real life too actually. I think it’s important that we these days don’t get too attached to partners because ultimately we can’t always be what others want and others can’t always carry space for us and our situations. It’s nicer when they’re honest about that, sure, but it’s also sometimes not the worst thing when they block or delete because things weren’t right or going to work. In terms of how you feel about being blocked and deleted, feeling sad or disappointed is normal. Process it. Sit with it. And then tell yourself you’re a badman and carry on living your best life.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Also, her decision to block after you were honest is not about you.

Some people don’t have the headspace to reply back with ‘ok, that’s not for me’, and it’s not a criticism of them, but maybe in that moment they couldn’t, so felt the only option was to block.

You genuinely never know how someone will react to that, and it may have felt like her safest option, even if it wasn’t pleasant for you.

If you weren’t matched for whatever reason, although it wasn’t nice for you to be abruptly blocked, it’s better to know and move on? "

This is very true.

We also don’t know what the question was.

There’s a world of difference between “I do like marvel films” and “I do like to drink blood from the skulls of those that block me”.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m sorry this happened, pal.

I wouldn’t say this is the same as ghosting but I think it’s pretty shit and horrible when it happens. With these dating apps, you’ve got to be pretty detached until you’ve met someone a few times I think. And in real life too actually. I think it’s important that we these days don’t get too attached to partners because ultimately we can’t always be what others want and others can’t always carry space for us and our situations. It’s nicer when they’re honest about that, sure, but it’s also sometimes not the worst thing when they block or delete because things weren’t right or going to work. In terms of how you feel about being blocked and deleted, feeling sad or disappointed is normal. Process it. Sit with it. And then tell yourself you’re a badman and carry on living your best life. "

When I say not get too attached I mean not until after like 3 dates (for me). I have a 3 date minimum for sex with dating apps because then I’d have decided how I feel about that person usually and they should’ve decided how they feel about me too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy

Someone pushing me to meet would just annoy me and that would be the end of it.

"

It’s designed specifically to filter people like that out.

Sadly, a lot of people on the apps will just chat out of boredom. They’ll chat for week and ghost the moment you push for a date.

I’m not saying you do that, or anyone here that wants to chat for longer is doing that. But sadly, there’s no way to know either way. So you’ve gotta be efficient with your time and all those people out

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm all for moving to a date pretty quickly, it's much better to get to know someone face to face than through messaging.

Some people love to text all day every day. It's bores me. A real connection only happens for me in person, I can't feel that through messaging.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy

Someone pushing me to meet would just annoy me and that would be the end of it.

It’s designed specifically to filter people like that out.

Sadly, a lot of people on the apps will just chat out of boredom. They’ll chat for week and ghost the moment you push for a date.

I’m not saying you do that, or anyone here that wants to chat for longer is doing that. But sadly, there’s no way to know either way. So you’ve gotta be efficient with your time and all those people out "

Agree. As a guy you can’t spend weeks chatting to people in the dating game these days. It’s sad but it’s a way to avoid getting breadcrumbed or strung along.

Most women on dating apps actually ask to meet quickly in my experience because they also feel the same about not waiting too long- that’s what they’ve told me anyway.

On tinder they even have disclaimers I think as well about what is and isn’t ghosting I think which is good for some people.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy

He's got a point.

Seconded.

Fellow dating site user here, I don't get 100 matches a day but he's got a point.

Back when I first started using dating sites in 2014, it was so much easier. You'd talk to someone for a bit, get asked out, go on a date and probably get ghosted but at least it went somewhere.

These days on the occasions I've had interest, it seems to be a whole lot of talking, talks of a date but nothing actually materialising.

I wouldn't take the ghosting personally, yes it's shitty but whether it's here or on a dating site, you never know the reaction she's had from other men when she's said 'thanks but no thanks' hence why she now just blocks.

It's finding a balance of showing interest without appearing too interested and timing it right to ask the person in a date. "

It’s always interesting to hear the other side of things. I suppose for you it’s a lot if “yeah let’s get a drink soon” followed by “ah I’m busy that day sadly” that eventually goes no where and dies out.

All of my best outcomes from the OLD world have come from fast dates. Trade numbers that day, set up a date within the next 1-2 days. If someone’s actually interested in you, you’d be surprised how easy it is to arrange something.

Follow the Brad Pitt rule. Or Chris Hemsworth. Or that Hardy fella. Whoever the latest heart throb is.

Would they be acting like this if you were them?

If chris hemsworth asked them to trade numbers would they ask to chat longer? If Brad Pitt asked them out for a drink, would they say maybe, or that their too busy this week?

Stop chasing people that aren’t that interested in you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy "

"Pushing for a social" would be an instant put off. I meet when I'm ready and if a person can't respect that, then they can jog on to the next one.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

I do the same thing in real life too it's my coping mechanism

My marriage ended (12yr relationship) and I just walked away no shouting, no long drawn out chats, no tearful phone calls, no late night d*unk texts, once I'm done I'm done

I've done the same with friends too, I don't like conflict so I'd rather just cut all ties and walk away

I think it's just easier to do it to strangers online but it happened before the internet took over too

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Should clarify that “push for a social” doesn’t mean actually being pushy. It means asking and actually acting on their answer

Be direct and have a time, place and date

“Come to X for a drink at 7 tomorrow”

If she says she can’t, and doesn’t offer a reschedule(eg - I can’t do tomorrow, can we go on Wednesday) then she’d not interested, move on

If she can’t and offers a reschedule, great. And obviously just a yes is great too.

Take any kind of “can we chat longer” stuff with caution. Some women will want to chat longer, most will either get distracted by a new match and move on, or have no real intention of meeting anyways. It’s just a boredom.

Ask the question, be direct, and accept and act on the answer. Anything other than an enthusiastic “yes” = no

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Talking all day is where you went wrong. They get 100 matches/messages a day. Until you meet in person, your just another guy in a long list they are talking to. You don’t stand out. Make yourself stand out by pushing for a social more, where you can actually stand out.

It’s better to push for a social and get ghosted/rejected, then talk too long and get ghosted/rejected because someone else in their DMs has taken their fancy

He's got a point.

Seconded.

Fellow dating site user here, I don't get 100 matches a day but he's got a point.

Back when I first started using dating sites in 2014, it was so much easier. You'd talk to someone for a bit, get asked out, go on a date and probably get ghosted but at least it went somewhere.

These days on the occasions I've had interest, it seems to be a whole lot of talking, talks of a date but nothing actually materialising.

I wouldn't take the ghosting personally, yes it's shitty but whether it's here or on a dating site, you never know the reaction she's had from other men when she's said 'thanks but no thanks' hence why she now just blocks.

It's finding a balance of showing interest without appearing too interested and timing it right to ask the person in a date.

It’s always interesting to hear the other side of things. I suppose for you it’s a lot if “yeah let’s get a drink soon” followed by “ah I’m busy that day sadly” that eventually goes no where and dies out.

All of my best outcomes from the OLD world have come from fast dates. Trade numbers that day, set up a date within the next 1-2 days. If someone’s actually interested in you, you’d be surprised how easy it is to arrange something.

Follow the Brad Pitt rule. Or Chris Hemsworth. Or that Hardy fella. Whoever the latest heart throb is.

Would they be acting like this if you were them?

If chris hemsworth asked them to trade numbers would they ask to chat longer? If Brad Pitt asked them out for a drink, would they say maybe, or that their too busy this week?

Stop chasing people that aren’t that interested in you "

I don't anymore, I let them do the chasing. I learnt that quite early on.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"I appreciate we’re all humans with complicated feelings. Some are able to deal with things in a matter of fact type way. And I admire you.

Is it normalised now that just cutting someone off (ghosting/ deleting) mid conversation is okay?

Short story. - dating app, she asks a personal question, I answer honestly. And boom, I’m blocked. No explanation or “Sorry, but that wouldn’t work for me” type thing. We had talked all day!!

Do you have to be tough skinned and should I follow suit and just delete and block ? I’m starting to think my sensitive soul is getting a beating here. I can’t get my head around it.

And also, could this actually slip into real life where we act the same way? silly notion I know, but we do it online at the moment, are we just copying what we see?"

Sorry its getting that reaction in you. If its getting like that, perhaps put the apps down for a couple of months and pick up a book or paint brush or guitar or running shoes. Internet behaviours are not healthy for many if not most people.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hristopherd999Man
over a year ago

Brentwood

It happens all the time

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Should clarify that “push for a social” doesn’t mean actually being pushy. It means asking and actually acting on their answer

Be direct and have a time, place and date

“Come to X for a drink at 7 tomorrow”

If she says she can’t, and doesn’t offer a reschedule(eg - I can’t do tomorrow, can we go on Wednesday) then she’d not interested, move on

If she can’t and offers a reschedule, great. And obviously just a yes is great too.

Take any kind of “can we chat longer” stuff with caution. Some women will want to chat longer, most will either get distracted by a new match and move on, or have no real intention of meeting anyways. It’s just a boredom.

Ask the question, be direct, and accept and act on the answer. Anything other than an enthusiastic “yes” = no "

In this day and age I think all genders should be cautious.

Again if a guy said to me "come to x at 7 tomorrow" I'd see that as an order.

I have and always will decide when and where to meet, when I feel I've gotten to know someone.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly does seem to be commonplace these days. I think it says more about them than you so think of it as a lucky escape.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can look at this is many ways, but the straight answer is that the internet is faceless, emotionless, empathy less, people don’t act they way they do in real life and there is no reason they should, you just need to grow a set and realise hat they are out there and they will block you, people are here for a quick fix of sex and then to move on, we’re not not here to build relationships or friendships, I’m here to be a koala - Eats, Shoots and Leaves

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"You can look at this is many ways, but the straight answer is that the internet is faceless, emotionless, empathy less, people don’t act they way they do in real life and there is no reason they should, you just need to grow a set and realise hat they are out there and they will block you, people are here for a quick fix of sex and then to move on, we’re not not here to build relationships or friendships, I’m here to be a koala - Eats, Shoots and Leaves "

Some people are here to build friendships/relationships. Swinging is not just about sex!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"You can look at this is many ways, but the straight answer is that the internet is faceless, emotionless, empathy less, people don’t act they way they do in real life and there is no reason they should, you just need to grow a set and realise hat they are out there and they will block you, people are here for a quick fix of sex and then to move on, we’re not not here to build relationships or friendships, I’m here to be a koala - Eats, Shoots and Leaves "

Should women grow a set too or do you offer different advice?

Manning up or growing a set are lazy insulting arguments.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"You can look at this is many ways, but the straight answer is that the internet is faceless, emotionless, empathy less, people don’t act they way they do in real life and there is no reason they should, you just need to grow a set and realise hat they are out there and they will block you, people are here for a quick fix of sex and then to move on, we’re not not here to build relationships or friendships, I’m here to be a koala - Eats, Shoots and Leaves "

You really are speaking for yourself there. I’m the total opposite to what you’ve just said

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"You can look at this is many ways, but the straight answer is that the internet is faceless, emotionless, empathy less, people don’t act they way they do in real life and there is no reason they should, you just need to grow a set and realise hat they are out there and they will block you, people are here for a quick fix of sex and then to move on, we’re not not here to build relationships or friendships, I’m here to be a koala - Eats, Shoots and Leaves "

You may be here for that, others will be here for that but certainly not everyone is here for that. In fact a large majority want to feel respected as a human and not an accessory to be worn by someone else's genitals for a brief moment

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Should clarify that “push for a social” doesn’t mean actually being pushy. It means asking and actually acting on their answer

Be direct and have a time, place and date

“Come to X for a drink at 7 tomorrow”

If she says she can’t, and doesn’t offer a reschedule(eg - I can’t do tomorrow, can we go on Wednesday) then she’d not interested, move on

If she can’t and offers a reschedule, great. And obviously just a yes is great too.

Take any kind of “can we chat longer” stuff with caution. Some women will want to chat longer, most will either get distracted by a new match and move on, or have no real intention of meeting anyways. It’s just a boredom.

Ask the question, be direct, and accept and act on the answer. Anything other than an enthusiastic “yes” = no

In this day and age I think all genders should be cautious.

Again if a guy said to me "come to x at 7 tomorrow" I'd see that as an order.

I have and always will decide when and where to meet, when I feel I've gotten to know someone. "

Wouldn’t use this language tbf. I have asked people after a few days of chatting, ‘how would you feel about meeting up for [insert date idea]/ coming along to [insert date idea]?’ And gone from there. On dating apps though I think it is fair for people to be cautious, especially women, and I’ve had one person be honest about wanting to get to know one another before dating. We spoke for like two months before we met. She’s great. But equally, I’m an advocate of dating multiple people at once but maybe people that date one at a time would be cautious of having their time wasted which is also fair. Idk it’s interesting

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Happens to all of us op. I was hours away from meeting someone after much decent chat (not on fab). Blocked.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On fab I wouldn’t meet someone after a few days if I was looking for something with that person. On fab I definitely wait longer- chat to people more.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can look at this is many ways, but the straight answer is that the internet is faceless, emotionless, empathy less, people don’t act they way they do in real life and there is no reason they should, you just need to grow a set and realise hat they are out there and they will block you, people are here for a quick fix of sex and then to move on, we’re not not here to build relationships or friendships, I’m here to be a koala - Eats, Shoots and Leaves

Should women grow a set too or do you offer different advice?

Manning up or growing a set are lazy insulting arguments. "

Missed that comment. Totally agree with you, RB. Urgh.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're right not to accept this as decent behaviour in the context that you have presented. Rude at the very best and uncivilised otherwise. There are those who can't take a polite goodbye and the only recourse is a block but not when it is to end a conversation that had, otherwise, been engaging. Pretty much like enjoying a meal and getting up to walk out in the middle of it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley


"

Agree. As a guy you can’t spend weeks chatting to people in the dating game these days. It’s sad but it’s a way to avoid getting breadcrumbed or strung along.

"

Never heard the 'breadcrumbed' term before and so I just googled it.

Not usually into catchphrases but have to admit it is a good one!

I do agree with all the others who have pointed out that it is not a good idea to assume that you are the only person tickling someone's fancy. Even seemingly rock solid relationships can be at risk from some apparently greener grass coming into view.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm struggling a bit here to be honest. I understand that my situation and availability is not up to all tastes so I have to take that on the chin.Someone out there for me but I have to keep searching I guess. Little bit confused starting a message thread. Get genuinely excited at getting a reply then it's just one word answers. I like hard to get but give me something to with

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You can look at this is many ways, but the straight answer is that the internet is faceless, emotionless, empathy less, people don’t act they way they do in real life and there is no reason they should, you just need to grow a set and realise hat they are out there and they will block you, people are here for a quick fix of sex and then to move on, we’re not not here to build relationships or friendships, I’m here to be a koala - Eats, Shoots and Leaves

You may be here for that, others will be here for that but certainly not everyone is here for that. In fact a large majority want to feel respected as a human and not an accessory to be worn by someone else's genitals for a brief moment "

Exactly. So many things wrong with this Koala attitude …..no doubt he’s now finding himself blocked by many.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every time this happens, it's another bullet dodged. And that's gonna hurt less that failing to dodge it later.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Everybody thanks for the replies. I really can’t quote you all.

But I’m glad I’m not alone in thinking its odd behaviour mid conversation. And yes, I get it might be from past experiences.

No need to take it out on the next one though? Eh?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Everybody thanks for the replies. I really can’t quote you all.

But I’m glad I’m not alone in thinking its odd behaviour mid conversation. And yes, I get it might be from past experiences.

No need to take it out on the next one though? Eh?

"

OP I want to apologise for my earlier comment, it was uncalled for and not who I am. Just having a bad morning, mental health issues. I found it hard to build relationships in here, found there are a few cliques that if your not part of, you never will be. I’ve been the victim of the full day chat just for them to go dark, it’s so poor an attitude I’d prefer to just say they weren’t interested and leave it at that. I’d rather build a friendship with someone who want to be there than some who is half there. I’m not apologising because I’ll lose any friends because I simply don’t have any. You shouldn’t need to grow a pair like a said people should respect you for who you are. Again I’m sorry OP, all the best!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

I was at home Saturday night with female friend. Both of us had quite a few to drink. She was getting messages and got upset. Realised from a males. She said after that gone out with male . Then the one on phone with. choose to ignore her, but only messaged normally on a Saturday night late evening . Wanted to she her. Which pissed her off, she also said he was a waste of time. I asked why she had not blocked etc. plus others messaging her. Which would be easy to do. She did block later . Spoke with her yesterday , she was not good. Spoke again today and asked about the males she had messages from. She said that she hoped males would be better . Not want to see her late at night , go out . Yes she had blocked and deleted app . I watched her do and could see.

My thought is females like the male/males , but then once seen female . Think do not have to take out etc. Just message and see female when they want on their terms.?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Everybody thanks for the replies. I really can’t quote you all.

But I’m glad I’m not alone in thinking its odd behaviour mid conversation. And yes, I get it might be from past experiences.

No need to take it out on the next one though? Eh?

OP I want to apologise for my earlier comment, it was uncalled for and not who I am. Just having a bad morning, mental health issues. I found it hard to build relationships in here, found there are a few cliques that if your not part of, you never will be. I’ve been the victim of the full day chat just for them to go dark, it’s so poor an attitude I’d prefer to just say they weren’t interested and leave it at that. I’d rather build a friendship with someone who want to be there than some who is half there. I’m not apologising because I’ll lose any friends because I simply don’t have any. You shouldn’t need to grow a pair like a said people should respect you for who you are. Again I’m sorry OP, all the best! "

I hope that your evening is much better than your day sounds like it's been x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top