FabSwingers.com forum: Orgasms

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally, and I rarely orgasm on a first meet. It's mostly self-imposed pressure and first meet nerves.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

No. If it doesn’t happen it doesn’t happen. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it though.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Sure if the sex is shit , pressure not so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I meet someone to play I always say please don't set out to make me cum.. I feel pressured to cum, especially to squirt (which I've yet to experience) my question being to the ladies, do you struggle to orgasm due to pressure? "

Rest assured I’d never make you cum, ever ever - not from a lack of desire or effort - so there’s no pressure at all on either of us

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Totally, and I rarely orgasm on a first meet. It's mostly self-imposed pressure and first meet nerves."

Thank the lord it isn't just me

I feel like I'm abnormal!

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By *tinerant scribeMan
over a year ago

County Durham

This is very instructive. It's the sort of thing you learn and relearn; but every real experience helps you to really assimilate it and empathise.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No. If it doesn’t happen it doesn’t happen. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it though. "

Exactly! The journey is so much fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is crazily easy to make me cum but different people get different types of orgasm depending on how turned on or tuned in to them I am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I struggle to let myself go. I can be loving every second. I usually orgasm alone and with clit stim rather than sex. I'd still rather have sex

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Under pressure yes. But... I don't have sex now (meets again! Darn it) where I feel a bit pressured and am quite good at saying stop.

I think sometimes people are so focused on the orgasm, like that's the holy grail you've got to reach and it can make you kind of freeze. Enjoying being with another person/or two/or three even, exploring the sensations you can create together is far sexier than trying to recreate Beginner's Guide to Orgasms 101.

If it helps you OP, why not say you enjoy sex and like it no pressure for either party to come? It's a lot easier to switch off and relax into orgasm when it's not at the forefront of both minds.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is crazily easy to make me cum but different people get different types of orgasm depending on how turned on or tuned in to them I am. "

I wish I had this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Under pressure yes. But... I don't have sex now (meets again! Darn it) where I feel a bit pressured and am quite good at saying stop.

If it helps you OP, why not say you enjoy sex and like it no pressure for either party to come? It's a lot easier to switch off and relax into orgasm when it's not at the forefront of both minds."

Thank-you, this is great advice x

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

I rarely cum on a meet but I can still enjoy them. If I do cum then it’s only ever once too. I feel self-conscious when I get messages form guys saying how many times they’ll make me cum etc. I usually just explain all of this to anyone I’m meeting so they don’t have expectations

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Obviously I’m not a woman but because of anxiety meds I have had this conversation with people before getting down to the sex because I rarely cum these days. I just don’t want them to a) feel disappointed or b) make the sex a mission.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I rarely cum on a meet but I can still enjoy them. If I do cum then it’s only ever once too. I feel self-conscious when I get messages form guys saying how many times they’ll make me cum etc. I usually just explain all of this to anyone I’m meeting so they don’t have expectations "

God me too, it's like some men set out to make you orgasm regardless, which isn't fun

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you find that your partner feels that they have somehow failed?? I have felt like that with a partner who struggled. I know that's ridiculous as I struggle and still have a great time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care."

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care."

Occasionally I've been with a man who makes it his number one mission to make me orgasm, even when I tell them at the beginning that I probably won't. It's really off-putting as it's all about them feeling like a champion and nothing to do with my pleasure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. "

Yep. I don't meet those types.

They can go fuck a woman who squirts multiple orgasms and screams the street down..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

Yep

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for your input

I feel so much better now x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you find that your partner feels that they have somehow failed?? I have felt like that with a partner who struggled. I know that's ridiculous as I struggle and still have a great time"

I think women feel like that yeah because it’s like- men always cum. Usually when I explain that it’s because of medication they don’t seem to feel bad. But after I explain they often are way more attentive? ‘What can I do for you?’ ‘Are you enjoying this?’ And sex never used to be like that. I think it’s also just that we’ve accepted the idea in society that women not cumming is normal but it’s unheard of for men so maybe that’s why some women feel bad? I genuinely don’t know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not gonna lie, I want the O.

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

Yep

Also feels a bit humiliating to me when they say ‘you’re not leaving until you cum’ and then have to give up

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Not gonna lie, I want the O.

Same!

Yeah no pressure on each other blah blah but I rarely get it anyway so would love to actually cum!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not because of pressure but simply because some simply don’t have the stamina to go the distance...!

those who have the stamina, can make it a leg trembling experience; not that I’ve had many of those...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

Yep

Also feels a bit humiliating to me when they say ‘you’re not leaving until you cum’ and then have to give up

Yes! Like.. can you stop cause it ain't happening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

Yep

Also feels a bit humiliating to me when they say ‘you’re not leaving until you cum’ and then have to give up

I kick them off way before that point. My libido is dead once they proclaim themselves to be THE FIRST MAN WHO MADE NELL CUM!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

Yep

Also feels a bit humiliating to me when they say ‘you’re not leaving until you cum’ and then have to give up

I kick them off way before that point. My libido is dead once they proclaim themselves to be THE FIRST MAN WHO MADE NELL CUM! "

LOL preach

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never promise a lady anything or tell anyone I'm gonna make you squirt.

I hate the badge of pride or right of passage thing guys have with squirting.

I try my hardest, and I look and listen and feel for queues of what might them cum. If it happens it happens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like many of the thread, I struggle to come with a man nearby. :-

And some men have made me feel bad for that. To the point I've lied. Or cried.

But I don't want to accept that I never will. Some day...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A refreshing post OP. I've too often had to explain to women that sex is a journey with fun and enjoyment to be had all along way. This is because the assumption is that men just cum regardless. They too feel they've 'failed' if they can't make that happen. Like you, I enjoy sex with no pressure for anything specific to happen, just to enjoy each moment. And that most often turns out to be the best sex I've had.

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By *romagefraisWoman
over a year ago

Sunderland

I don't orgasm often with someone, when I do it's normally someone I've been having sex with a while. It's irritating when someone makes it a goal, I just want to enjoy the sex not make it all about the orgasm I'm not going to have.

I do squirt most of the time though, but then hate when they make a big deal about it afterwards cos I can do that when I'm on top off a few pumps at the right angle so it's not like a massive achievement and doesn't mean the sex overall was great.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't orgasm often with someone, when I do it's normally someone I've been having sex with a while. It's irritating when someone makes it a goal, I just want to enjoy the sex not make it all about the orgasm I'm not going to have.

Now this is interesting, by the sounds of it a lot of men think they are god after making you squirt. In my experience the men who are relentless with how much they want you to cum are the men who feel insecure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

best is to simply go with the flow, without any expectations and enjoy the moment, losing all inhibitions - they make the best meets (one should never feel under pressure)...

ego can be a kill joy...

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By *asual_WandererWoman
over a year ago

A spot you want me

Yes 100%, in fact until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent

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By *esire in SheffieldMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

Many people think orgasm is the most important thing in sex.

I don’t agree

many men think if woman has orgasm they did their job well

I don’t agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the perspective of a male here.

Yes feeling and seeing someone having an orgasm is great, no question. However from my own point of view when I or we go out to meet its with the sole purpose of enjoying the time spent with another person.

Exploring sensations and just enjoying the moment is why we do what we do.

No pressure for anything ever and we are very in tune with everything going on around us that if the situation becomes too much for any party we will regroup, have a wee giggle and a chat then start over

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

I’m fortunate that I too cum fairly easily but the quality and type of orgasm varies depending on any number of factors that day.

Guys that “promise” to make me cum or worse to squirt (never have never want to!) instant delete in messages or if they have that crap on their profile

It’s arrogant, it’s about them and their egos more than anything else and in my experience usually means that they’re actually fairly crap in bed and tend to focus on all the wrong things!

Not all women cum via sex or penetration, some women never cum at all. Some are easy to cum and can do so multiple times etc and it’s nothing to do with the man with them for the most part!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love giving a women an orgasm make them squirt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yall stress heads

let it go let it gooooo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 simple words of encouragement cum for me

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By *cLovin2Man
over a year ago

Reading

I struggle to let myself go. I can be loving every second. I usually orgasm alone and with clit stim rather than sex. I'd still rather have sex"

So you have never had a g spot orgasm

With a body like yours what a wasted opportunity. Tbf a lot of men don't know how to make a woman orgasm from the g spot, others are too selfish to think about the woman's pleasure. I definitely think you can do it, but you just need someone who knows what to do.

I'm constantly shocked how uptight us Brits still are about sex

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

No. If I felt pressured I'd remove myself from the situation x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Forget cum and have fun instead

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By *cLovin2Man
over a year ago

Reading

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care."

Speaking as a man, I would say a lot don't care, men don't seem to have learned much about pleasuring their partners, it's more like a tick box exercise. The best sex for me is when you get to know someone over several encounters, you relax more with each other and understand each others likes/dislikes.

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By *cLovin2Man
over a year ago

Reading

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

Yep

Also feels a bit humiliating to me when they say ‘you’re not leaving until you cum’ and then have to give up

God that's a sure fire way for a woman not to relax. Clueless morons

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

Just about communication i think - just enjoy each other and whatever happens happens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I struggle to let myself go. I can be loving every second. I usually orgasm alone and with clit stim rather than sex. I'd still rather have sex

So you have never had a g spot orgasm

I'm constantly shocked how uptight us Brits still are about sex"

There's always one

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Guys make all sorts of claims about making women orgasm or squirt, best oral, etc. We’re not some kind of challenge.

No two women are the same and guys need to realise that one technique doesn’t work on all of us.

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By *iss_Cali_xxCouple
over a year ago

Herne Bay

Out of everyone we've met with so far, only 2 have made me cum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sure if the sex is shit , pressure not so much."

I said sorry

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By *entlemanrogueMan
over a year ago

Motherwell

The aim, in my midn, shojld be mutual pleasure for everyone concerned, not simply orgasming, i have had amazing sexual experiences, without myself or my partner actually orgasming, however we have always enjoyed each other regardless.

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By *obby1Man
over a year ago

newcastle

And in the end the love you make is equal to the love you take always believed that

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

All that bumphus schpiel about guarantees and such shrivels my desire levels to non existent and makes me go "ewwwww"

Yeah, I don't like it. I feel like an instant let down before it's begun coz you know they want to make ya cum and any chance of it happening is already now out the window simply by knowing they want it.

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By *olacolaMan
over a year ago

lincoln

This is really instructional. There is pressure felt by men too. It’s why Meets with a social element and a connection are so important, otherwise the sex is just kind of obligatory and no fun. Even in our world, or maybe even more especially so, it has to be spontaneous and desired. Then if orgasms happen so

Much the better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a little frustrating that every time this topic comes up, there are multiple men on the thread saying saying we've chosen the wrong guys. The implication being that a "real man" could sort us out. Anytime I acknowledge to a potential partner that I struggle, the response is pretty much "you won't struggle with me". Just not getting it. Argh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't care if she orgasms as long as she enjoys sitting on my face

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

No not pressured at all, if it happens it happens, other factors influence it at all, if I have had alcohol it is pretty much not gonna happen for example

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By *iss_Cali_xxCouple
over a year ago

Herne Bay

(continued from previous)

I don't feel like they have to tho, because it takes time to get to know how each others body's work and react. That said, I would totally feel like I'd don't something wrong if I didn't make the guy cum, so the other posts here from the guys have definitely lessened the pressure for future meets, so thank you fellas xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most men just dive in and expect you to cum but for me that does absolutely nothing for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I struggle to let myself go. I can be loving every second. I usually orgasm alone and with clit stim rather than sex. I'd still rather have sex

So you have never had a g spot orgasm

I'm constantly shocked how uptight us Brits still are about sex"

Oh hurrah! A man telling women how to orgasm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a little frustrating that every time this topic comes up, there are multiple men on the thread saying saying we've chosen the wrong guys. The implication being that a "real man" could sort us out. Anytime I acknowledge to a potential partner that I struggle, the response is pretty much "you won't struggle with me". Just not getting it. Argh. "

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated. "

Just to put the other side of that good point - as a guy I feel I’ve failed if I haven’t made the lady cum. It’s only the polite thing to do, especially as ladies may well feel disappointed and let down if the man can’t make them cum.

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

Sex is about mutual enjoyment not about the end product if you enjoy it and don’t cym then good but you could also hate it and cum so just enjoy the moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try fluffy socks. I feel amazing when I wear brand new socks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

But have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them. Sex shouldn't be a race or a series of tick boxes. I've never seen a man as a failure because he hasn't made me come.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication is very important.

Orgasms can be a deal breaker either way. How can the other person know if we don't tell them.

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By *ristinapinkWoman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

Many men have that moto, gona make you cum, multiple orgasms, squirting… for me it’s not really about that. I enjoy the journey and if it happens it will be organically and not because someone thinks they have a magical formula or whatever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This whole thread is a great example of the classic Fab binary think. I think/feel this therefore all members of my biological sex think feel the same. Questions and statements like "do men think...?" "women just need to..." etc just make me roll my eyes.

Why do we feel this need to generalise to a sex? Some people struggle to cum, some people take not being able to "make" their partner cum as meaning they failed, some people have massive confidence in their ability to give orgasms, others less so. There is no single behaviour discussed on this thread that is unique to either sex. The sooner we all stop thinking of others based on their sex the sooner we will achieve equality in our society. I am constantly puzzled by the fact the the most ardent feminists (of both sexes) don't see the massive cognitive dissonance they display every time they say something like "men/women do/think/feel..." etc. If we want to get gender equality we have to give it. All the time we think in gender stereotypes we cannot complain when others do the same.

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

I feel for you.

Even though I get hard, I often fail to cum too.

As a man I feel so much pressure too, especially as many women have outright said they would feel like failures if they didn't make the man cum, or seem to love cum. It's much harder for me to fake it too.

I now tell people before a meet that I might not cum as I want them to know it's not their fault, but then I have even been rejected as it wouldn't be fun without cum

People seem to think men are robots. Play with their cock for a bit and the will cum. It's not true. Same as it's not easy for all women.

Everyone is different, and the fun should not be solely about the orgasm, it should be about the whole connection, learning each others bodies, and the pleasure we can bring each other.

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

"Many men have that moto, gona make you cum, multiple orgasms, squirting… for me it’s not really about that. I enjoy the journey and if it happens it will be organically and not because someone thinks they have a magical formula or whatever. "

Many women say the same about a blowjob.

I've say I only have once, and I'm bombarded with comments saying I've only had shit blowjob then, and they have never failed.

Anyone who claims any of these things is just trying to shoe off and get attention for themselves. It's about them, not the people they meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

Mr "

I didn't see those comments and I've been on the thread since the start. I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though? Some of us have said we don't feel men have great technique but speaking for myself - I feel that I don't communicate what I need to orgasm very well. Certainly not when I've just started sleeping with someone.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think that this thread is a great example of how attitudes affect interactions and dynamics.

The mindset of ‘I’m going to make you cum’ can be seen as being a self involved and self esteem based process, it can be seen as a negative aspect. Is it worse than them having a ‘I want to cum’ attitude and not caring about your experience though?

I absolutely understand that the pressure to orgasm can prevent that, I have that happen to me too and it’s frustrating at times. At other times I enjoy the journey.

I think that pretty much everyone sees orgasms as the intent of sex, if we didn’t, then we wouldn’t masturbate. It’s about the attitude involved and how that’s perceived.

I do wonder how much of this is down to the type of dynamics that we seek. If it’s a one off, do we feel comfortable communicating our needs? Are they reading us or following a rote plan because they don’t know us?

I do think that the pressure to perform has a lot to do with this, sometimes on fab a person is expected to be great in bed, have stamina, have great skills, make you cum… because that’s what’s expected.

Are we having these conversations with potential sexual partners? Are we owning our expectations and personal needs?

I can absolutely understand that the pressure from outside is hard to manage because I feel it too but is the blame entirely on the other person for not being psychic to our needs?

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I feel for you.

Even though I get hard, I often fail to cum too.

I now tell people before a meet that I might not cum as I want them to know it's not their fault, but then I have even been rejected as it wouldn't be fun without cum

People seem to think men are robots. Play with their cock for a bit and the will cum. It's not true. Same as it's not easy for all women.

Everyone is different, and the fun should not be solely about the orgasm, it should be about the whole connection, learning each others bodies, and the pleasure we can bring each other. "

I absolutely agree.

I do think that the pressure is placed on a guy as well.

Often a guy is expected to be reactive and read their partner but a woman talks about their ‘style of blow job’ as a one size fits all arrangement.

Are we looking at our partners of any gender as complex organisms which we need to learn or as an individual body part to make orgasm?

I’ve lost count of the number of partners that think that just playing with my cock will do the job but the expectation is for me to read their body in micro signals.

Shouldn’t the expectation be balanced and we look at each other in the same way, not as a finishing line to cross?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that this thread is a great example of how attitudes affect interactions and dynamics.

I absolutely understand that the pressure to orgasm can prevent that, I have that happen to me too and it’s frustrating at times. At other times I enjoy the journey.

I think that pretty much everyone sees orgasms as the intent of sex, if we didn’t, then we wouldn’t masturbate. It’s about the attitude involved and how that’s perceived.

Are we having these conversations with potential sexual partners? Are we owning our expectations and personal needs?

I can absolutely understand that the pressure from outside is hard to manage because I feel it too but is the blame entirely on the other person for not being psychic to our needs?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This whole thread is a great example of the classic Fab binary think. I think/feel this therefore all members of my biological sex think feel the same. Questions and statements like "do men think...?" "women just need to..." etc just make me roll my eyes.

Mr"

Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'."

Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.

Ie : Women should have the right to choose whatever job they want unless I don’t think it’s right and i see it as degrading to women in which case I’ll campaign to have it banned therefore taking away those women’s rights to choose.

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By *ixi n DogCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

"Obviously I’m not a woman but because of anxiety meds I have had this conversation with people before getting down to the sex because I rarely cum these days. I just don’t want them to a) feel disappointed or b) make the sex a mission. "
My meds do the same to me, I rarely cum when playing. Would have been handy 20 odd years ago when I had the natural fitness of youth!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

"until I hit Fab I was convinced I was a difficult cummer. Thankfully through the benefit of the more open conversations and abitly to sexually match make on here I now know that's not true... it was indeed a need to get out of my head and into my body. But not every partner has that ability... it would now be a deal breaker if absent"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.

Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.

not all feminists or feminism is the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

Mr"

I believe you!

I disagree though. I think any partner has the ability to make me come if we communicate. They just may not have the motivation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.

Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.

Er what, Nora?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.

Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.

not all feminists or feminism is the same

Absolutely. I see myself as a feminist. However, I hold all people to the same standards. If you wanted be be treated as a individual not as stereotypical representation of your gender, don't promote gender stereotypes. Quite simple really - well, it's simple to say, far far harder to do. Our brains love a stereotype.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

K can cum very easily and many times in one session until been a swinger she didn't realise how lucky she is.

We met a lovely couple where the female rarely cums and her motto was "kick back, relish the journey and don't think about the destination" loved that outlook.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

I believe you!

I disagree though. I think any partner has the ability to make me come if we communicate. They just may not have the motivation.

They're not my words Steve, I was quoting someone else in response to this-

"I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though?"

The bit I added was quoting a woman saying exactly that - if a partner doesn't have the "ability" it's a deal breaker, ie, it is his failure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel for you.

Even though I get hard, I often fail to cum too.

I now tell people before a meet that I might not cum as I want them to know it's not their fault, but then I have even been rejected as it wouldn't be fun without cum

People seem to think men are robots. Play with their cock for a bit and the will cum. It's not true. Same as it's not easy for all women.

Everyone is different, and the fun should not be solely about the orgasm, it should be about the whole connection, learning each others bodies, and the pleasure we can bring each other.

I absolutely agree.

I do think that the pressure is placed on a guy as well.

Often a guy is expected to be reactive and read their partner but a woman talks about their ‘style of blow job’ as a one size fits all arrangement.

Are we looking at our partners of any gender as complex organisms which we need to learn or as an individual body part to make orgasm?

I’ve lost count of the number of partners that think that just playing with my cock will do the job but the expectation is for me to read their body in micro signals.

Shouldn’t the expectation be balanced and we look at each other in the same way, not as a finishing line to cross? "

Hmm. It seems that most people will do the thing that they used on other people to make them come as a starting point. Wont they? If that's what you mean by "style of blowjob"? Wouldn't both sexes do the same? What's missing is that some of us make assumptions about orgasms - that everyone comes easily, that everyone comes from oral, that women come from PIV as easily as men, and of course that the same thing works for everyone. Even in this thread some have said they like fingers in their too and some have said fuck off with the fingers!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

I believe you!

I disagree though. I think any partner has the ability to make me come if we communicate. They just may not have the motivation.

They're not my words Steve, I was quoting someone else in response to this-

"I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though?"

The bit I added was quoting a woman saying exactly that - if a partner doesn't have the "ability" it's a deal breaker, ie, it is his failure.

Mr"

That was me. Not reading every word of a thread.

I will still disagree with that quote. I don't think anyone calling anyone a failure or at least acting/thinking as if they are is very conducive to the sex getting better. Should I have chucked all the men who didn't make me come out of bed? Even though I had a great time and was very turned on?

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

Yes. Very much so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will not orgasm during a meet - that is fact. It 100% will not happen. I don’t tell people this as it tends to make them see it as a challenge and I then have to fake it to make it all stop.

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By *assie101Woman
over a year ago

Kent

Totally get a lot of what is said here.

When I was meeting I rarely reached an orgasm. I still enjoyed it.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

Had this with someone recently. He said he couldn’t understand how I wasn’t cumming, that all the other women were driven mad by every stroke and that he never had to “work this hard.”

I laughed, put my kit back on, and asked him if he’d ever considered the possibility that “all the other women” were faking it.

So, that’s the extreme version of this attitude and yes, it is off-putting.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

Yep. I don't meet those types.

They can go fuck a woman who squirts multiple orgasms and screams the street down.."

Can you always spot them ahead of time? I’m impressed and wish I could do same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

I believe you!

I disagree though. I think any partner has the ability to make me come if we communicate. They just may not have the motivation.

They're not my words Steve, I was quoting someone else in response to this-

"I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though?"

The bit I added was quoting a woman saying exactly that - if a partner doesn't have the "ability" it's a deal breaker, ie, it is his failure.

That was me. Not reading every word of a thread.

Oh, I personally don't share the attitude expressed in that quote with the quote, nor do I think you should feel it or should chuck anyone out of bed.

I was just disagreeing with you when you said

"..have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them."

and

"I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though"

Some do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will not orgasm during a meet - that is fact. It 100% will not happen. I don’t tell people this as it tends to make them see it as a challenge and I then have to fake it to make it all stop.

Really? I tell them I am very very unlikely to and then their reaction helps me decide if I will meet them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

I believe you!

I disagree though. I think any partner has the ability to make me come if we communicate. They just may not have the motivation.

They're not my words Steve, I was quoting someone else in response to this-

"I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though?"

The bit I added was quoting a woman saying exactly that - if a partner doesn't have the "ability" it's a deal breaker, ie, it is his failure.

That was me. Not reading every word of a thread.

Oh, I personally don't share the attitude expressed in that quote with the quote, nor do I think you should feel it or should chuck anyone out of bed.

I was just disagreeing with you when you said

"..have you read the comments from all the women in the thread? None of them are saying the man has failed - I think that's your mindset and it perhaps doesn't help you or them."

and

"I don't think a single woman who struggles to orgasm has said she sees the man as a failure though"

Some do.

Mr"

Yes. Not my view of sex but I don't think I fit with the mainstream here in lots of ways!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.

Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

Yep. I don't meet those types.

They can go fuck a woman who squirts multiple orgasms and screams the street down..

Can you always spot them ahead of time? I’m impressed and wish I could do same."

I tell them I don't have orgasms on meets. Their reaction is always clear.

The types who say that I just haven't met the right man yet and they will make me cum 30 times... get binned...

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

Pretty sure feminism is 'women rule the world and all the nasty men can fuck off'.

Nah it’s I want equality but only when it suits me.

not all feminists or feminism is the same

The brand of feminism I know from some of my relatives is “What the fuck are any men doing on this planet at all! Get rid of the vermin!”

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

For me the journey is far more interesting than the destination.

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

I agree with those who recognise fabbers of both sexes have different opinions on this. Some men and women need their partner to give them a big O, others feel too pressured to give or have a big O. Really, it’s as simple as that!

Shock horror: we’re all individuals with differing perspectives and opinions!

The only real truth that seems to be a uniting factor is: no-one likes a smart-arse or braggart who insists with perfect arrogance they ‘will make you cum’!

I’ve never been one of them and I won’t be joining their ranks either! As for the quest for the holy grail of orgasms, this thread rather proves that it’s the journey, not the destination that matters most, and that if the destination is a nice orgasm, that’s the extra cherry on the cake as an additional free extra, not part of a 2-for-1 mega deal!

Enjoy your cake and eat it! Don’t worry about your cherry!

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By *dventurous biMan
over a year ago

tesside

Do you find that your partner feels that they have somehow failed?? I have felt like that with a partner who struggled. I know that's ridiculous as I struggle and still have a great time

When I started taking sertraline it made it really hard for me to ejaculate. BUT, and it is a but deserving of being big, I did experience all the endorphin release and actually had multiple climaxes even though I didn’t.

After a while of being on the meds that stopped BOO!

I’m off them now anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok being a guy with the past I have I find it a turn off if expected to cum, it kills the mood as reminds me of the stress working in adult industry put on me.

Have no issues if happens naturally.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I have no problems orgasming but a few guys I have met in the past felt bad if they didn’t orgasm “for me”, honestly it’s not a contest, no one has to cum for anyone, I don’t like people to put pressure on themselves, I would rather they just relax and enjoy what we are doing rather than thinking there had to be a great explosion of body fluid to prove we had a good time

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By *cLovin2Man
over a year ago

Reading

"I feel for you.

Even though I get hard, I often fail to cum too.

I now tell people before a meet that I might not cum as I want them to know it's not their fault, but then I have even been rejected as it wouldn't be fun without cum

People seem to think men are robots. Play with their cock for a bit and the will cum. It's not true. Same as it's not easy for all women.

Everyone is different, and the fun should not be solely about the orgasm, it should be about the whole connection, learning each others bodies, and the pleasure we can bring each other.

I absolutely agree.

I do think that the pressure is placed on a guy as well.

Often a guy is expected to be reactive and read their partner but a woman talks about their ‘style of blow job’ as a one size fits all arrangement.

Are we looking at our partners of any gender as complex organisms which we need to learn or as an individual body part to make orgasm?

I’ve lost count of the number of partners that think that just playing with my cock will do the job but the expectation is for me to read their body in micro signals.

Shouldn’t the expectation be balanced and we look at each other in the same way, not as a finishing line to cross?

Is it wrong that your talk of fingers reminded me of KitKat?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm realising after reading so many comments how the pressure is on for both sexes, which is such a shame for all involved.

I feel better and thank you, not abnormal after all, the journey is key and the rest doesn't matter

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By *asual_WandererWoman
over a year ago

A spot you want me

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

Mr"

Oh gosh I got quoted and now I feel I need to clarify

No man is a failure, christ. That's not language I'd use, or a way I'd want to make someone feel. So genuinely sorry if I articulated my experience in that way.

I thought "i" was difficult, and I have held a sense "I" was failing. And i have 100% had relationships where I have accepted that is just how my I am and have simply experienced a revelation through better conversation and connection that wasn't the case. And it is the absense of that conversation and connection that's the deal breaker, not the placement of your fingers. We all need time to learn a body, and spaces without pressure xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's really good to see that there's a fair few people who understand what sex is and that the journey is just as much fun as any orgasm. Also that there should be no pressure on anyone to perform,rather to just relax and enjoy themselves with no expectations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I struggle to orgasm due to lack of sex!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

Oh gosh I got quoted and now I feel I need to clarify

No man is a failure, christ. That's not language I'd use, or a way I'd want to make someone feel. So genuinely sorry if I articulated my experience in that way.

I didn't know they were your words, and now that I do I can't imagine you labelling men failures CW. And as always putting things so well! X

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

I struggle to let myself go. I can be loving every second. I usually orgasm alone and with clit stim rather than sex. I'd still rather have sex

So you have never had a g spot orgasm

I'm constantly shocked how uptight us Brits still are about sex

There's always one

Lol. Always.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think people feel pressure when it's not necessary.

The whole point of meeting someone new or having sex with someone new is to feel excitement and a bit of passion.

People put too much pressure on it being this 10 hour long session where you all walk away chaffed and sore with more orgasms than you have money in the bank. Communicate any nerves or how you're feeling about the situation, ask what works and what doesn't and accept that sex can be amazing with or without orgasms/shooting. It's supposed to be fun!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes! Basically

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its not just women who can struggle to reach orgasm, Men can have the same problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

Oh gosh I got quoted and now I feel I need to clarify

No man is a failure, christ. That's not language I'd use, or a way I'd want to make someone feel. So genuinely sorry if I articulated my experience in that way.

The quote wasn't a form of criticism, it was merely to point out that some people do expect their partners to be able to bring them to orgasm - and there's nothing wrong with that. Whether it's being able to converse and connect that leads to you being able to orgasm or knowing which bits to poke, the point is you expect a partner to be able to help you achieve it and any that doesn't have the ability to do so is gone.

I totally get that you can struggle with someone who isn't right for you, that the inability to bring you to orgasm may not be the main issue, but it is clearly an indication that the person isn't compatible. You may well shy away from calling someone a failure but to me the expression "deal breaker" is pretty binary and surely you can see that any potential partner reading your post is going to feel that he needs to be able bring you to orgasm if he wants to be kept around?

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By *entDomMan
over a year ago

Paddock Wood, Kent

Sometimes I struggle to cum too.

It might well be a pressure thing,it might well be an age thing, it may well be a Dom thing as I'm concentrating on the girl I'm with obviously.

I can be really aroused, can perform and often get right to the brink.

What I have noticed is that when a woman cums, mentally I have climaxed too, so there is a lot of enjoyment even if I haven't ejaculated.

On the plus side I'm horny and play for hours

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By *andering Welsh GuyMan
over a year ago

All over the place

This is a great thread

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"Sure if the sex is shit , pressure not so much.

I said sorry

Yes but not with cake.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"I think people feel pressure when it's not necessary.

The whole point of meeting someone new or having sex with someone new is to feel excitement and a bit of passion.

I like this

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

I totally agree that people need to focus on the person their work and their enjoyment and not any kind of end goal.

Also agree and have come across women - and a few men - who think they have a “perfect” blow job technique that works for everyone - nonsense! I hope that my “technique” of observing and responding accordingly to what they are enjoying or not enjoying - or even better if they tell me “nope not that” “oh yes more of that please” etc then I can ensure their enjoyment

And the best lovers I’ve had have done the same for/with me, noted what I like and don’t like, asked, listened, paid attention!

Not all women cum and yes not all men cum too not something I’ve experienced often but certainly a couple of long term exes had that issue at times and would fee embarrassed when there was no need. Long as they were enjoying themselves and I was not an issue that needs to be a concern.

But it’s much less talked about than ED or PE funnily enough yet we should be open and honest about such things

On feminism there are many different schools, I’m for fairness and equality while also thinking we should celebrate and acknowledge the differences that do exist

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By *asual_WandererWoman
over a year ago

A spot you want me

"It's very rare that I cum anyway, but men seen to see it as a challenge. I take a long time to warm up.

I don't feel pressured, I wonder if men get that pressure to make us cum? Or do they not really care.

I read something a while ago about how making a woman cum strokes some men's egos, its not about us, it's about some men needing to be validated.

That's not true, there's at least two comments from women saying they want orgasms and one saying now that she's learnt she can with the right man, any man now who can't do it is gone.

Oh gosh I got quoted and now I feel I need to clarify

No man is a failure, christ. That's not language I'd use, or a way I'd want to make someone feel. So genuinely sorry if I articulated my experience in that way.

Hey P, I think your observation is fair and it is food for thought in how I'm expressing my experience/wants.

I def don't always orgasm on meets, but broadly speaking I am seeking mutual pleasure from them and a sense we have good sexual chemistry.

That sense of performance pressure, anxiety, and getting in your head comes in many forms, sometimes yourself, sometimes the environment, sometimes the company... it is complex, and nuanced and definitely no one's fault.

I am not going to apologies for wanting to minimise that experience for myself. And I'm sure that's what most people want. Easy, natural, pleasurable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Release the pressure

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I would hope I could get a partner there without making it seem like it's my mission. I would not like to pressure anybody. I would aim to do things she likes until she doesn't want me to any more. I've certainly had very enjoyable sex in which I haven't orgasmed. Luke

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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

I have read all this thread. My thought. Is this again about media publications, online articles etc. The number that tell men “ how to make a woman cum etc”. Then article for females of how to cum if never have done etc. So pressure , failure if does not happen for male and female?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Sometimes. I struggle more often due to lack of foreplay or lack of the right stimulation.

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