FabSwingers.com forum: Father's Day

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So, the day is approaching and I know that some people find this time difficult for various reasons.

My difficulty is new. At Christmas my dad was diagnosed with inoperable cancer and given a life expectancy of 3 to 6 months. He's doing amazingly.

But, what do you get for a man who has everything, needs nothing and will likely not see another father's day?

We used to enjoy a good wine together - he can't taste it anymore. A meal out is difficult with his dietary needs. A day out is a challenge due to his need of toilet facilities.

Memories are important but there's a balance to making it morbid that we won't have another year.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

I would imagine he would value the day with you, rather than a physical gift.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not ask him , he might just have that one idea that you could sort out.

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

Sorry to hear about your dad OP, that’s tough

It’s difficult to say with not knowing what your dad likes. I know I struggle buying for my dad now he’s 81 and has Parkinson’s so can’t do all the things he used to enjoy.

Does he like plants? Either indoor or something he can enjoy in the garden?

Something for comfort, a nice blanket/something cosy to wear/fluffy socks?

Can he enjoy chocolate? I treated my dad to some expensive chocs one time because I couldn’t think of anything else.

A nice picture of somewhere with sentimental links that you can also enjoy the memories of when he’s no longer with you?

Good luck and I hope you enjoy your day together x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My mum died in March and my dad is experiencing different difficulties to yours op. It was his birthday recently and I made him a blanket for his bed I hoped it would combine physical and emotional comfort with practicality Would something similar be an option for your dad? It wouldn't have to be home made. If it's his kind of thing you can get cushions, throws, blankets etc with photos printed on them.

Best wishes to you both

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that OP, nothing really prepares you for hearing that does it? With my dad it was a brain tumour so those 3 months were a constant series of changes, planning for 2 weeks time was pointless as the goal posts moved all the time.

Right now, every day will be fathers day for you as he is going to need your attention and time and you'll want to make the most of what you have. Looking back, fathers day must have fallen during the time my dad was fighting his tumour but I honestly have no recollection of what we did. My memories of that time are all about the constant battle to make life as easy for him as we could and knowing you did your best at that will likely bring the most comfort in the months/years to come.

Best wishes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for the comments and sympathies to those who have been through or are going through similar situations.

It's reassuring that pretty much every suggestion is something that had crossed my mind. I have always been very direct and focused on gifts and things but now find myself questioning whether I am doing the right thing to the point that I am doubting that it was a good idea in the first place.

I steered away from the "nice chocolates and comfy clothing" type idea as didn't want ti to be seen as a care package - but that's what it is! And anyway, if that's what he wants, needs and will appreciate then surely it's perfect.

Overthinking is damaging and sometimes the fab forum can be a voice of logic and reason

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By *asycouple1971Couple
over a year ago

midlands

Sorry to hear OP.

Whatever you both decide to do make the most of it.

No one knows how long we are on this planet for, we could all be gone tomorrow.

Him

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

We used to get my dad a few bush type plants and even though he is no longer with us the plants are still blooming in the garden and remind us of him

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Sorry to hear this op

It can be hard to know,my old dad used to say as long as I spent it with him he wasn't bothered about gifts .

He's been gone a while now & I'm glad I spent so much time with him and have those memories.

Whatever you decide ,sending love your way & hope you make some great memories together x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry to hear about your situation mate. Just the gift of time spent with him. Spend the day together doing something or doing nothing. I lost my dad last year and would give my right ear for one day sitting at his doing bugger all again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take him for a walk in the park, feed the ducks, a drive in the car and an ice cream or fish & chips on the coast.

An honest and simple day is far better than a gift.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

"We used to get my dad a few bush type plants and even though he is no longer with us the plants are still blooming in the garden and remind us of him

This. I paid to have a rose named after my mum for a special birthday. But there are many plants out there already named that could be suitable (I found one called Pearl Wedding or something similar for their 30th anniversary). But I think he'd probably enjoy time with you over anything else...could you perhaps replicate something that you used to do together when you were younger? For instance, if he used to take you to the football and buy you a pie, perhaps find footage of a memorable match that you watched, put some pies in the oven, and dig your old football scarves out to wear while you watch it.

Whatever you decide to do I hope both you and your dad enjoy the day x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We get a day too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad passed away nearly 2 years ago now. He was very unwell for around 3/4 months before.

One thing I did for him, that I remember him really appreciating, I massaged his hands and feet to bring him a little bit of comfort.

You could try that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My dad passed away nearly 2 years ago now. He was very unwell for around 3/4 months before.

One thing I did for him, that I remember him really appreciating, I massaged his hands and feet to bring him a little bit of comfort.

You could try that. "

This was probably in the last weeks of his life, sounds like you're not at that stage yet..but something to think about for later on maybe.

Just spend as much time making memories with him as you can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is where I wish we could post GIFs so I could post Tyrion saying "I am the gift"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A photo album that you can spend the day reminiscing over.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Just being beside him will be better than any gift.x

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