FabSwingers.com forum: Too much effort in a message?

By *izzy69 OP Man
over a year ago

London

Can you make too much of an effort in messages?

I purposely try not to give one liners.

I actually try to give the other person something to respond back with because I realise sometimes you just don't know what to write back.

But I treat it as a conversation so write like one.

However, I have found that despite people moaning about how they will not respond to one liners, writing something meaningful has little or no effect. Nobody grasps the opportunity to find out more about you or talk more about themselves.

Anyone else experience this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Welcome to the jungle my friend. Despite what has been and will be said, effort in does not equal reward out. You're dealing with people whom tastes differ across the board, you just need to find the ones who do like you. Not an easy task I'm afraid, but never stop being you, you will fit in somewhere. I'm a natural at finding all the people not interested, only about another 55,568 to go

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

"Can you make too much of an effort in messages?"

Nope.

Always make the biggest effort you can, no matter the size of the message.

If you get nothing from it, you've at least stayed true to who you are.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

I dunno, I just try to be myself and talk like I do irl. If they arent interested then so be it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they read the profile and decide it's a no thanks, why waste any time chatting?

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By *ack688Man
over a year ago

abruzzo Italy (and UK)

It’s a fine line sometimes, I try and respond to things they have written on their profile, but some don’t give you much to go on and I certainly the avoid the one liners but similarly don’t want to write an essay to someone who hasn’t yet shown any interest, so don’t want to inundate them, just a bit of an introduction, something chatty, and see if there is any response.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/06/22 12:00:45]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, in my early days as a wet behind the ears newbie I saw one couple local that I liked the looks of, they did the usual ranty thing of NO ONE LINERS. PUT SOME IMAGINIATION INTO YOUR MESSAGES. JUMP THROUGH A THOUSAND FUCKING HOOPS FOR US OR WE WILL DELETE AND BLOCK.

You know the sort.

Well like the desperate amateur I was then I ignored all the red flags (enticed by the lure of pussy) and messaged them with a detailed bespoke message that met their requirements, or so I thought.

What I got back was “If we wanted a fucking novel we would have bought a book” and a block.

So yes. I think you can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Something to say why you messaged, something for them to (hopefully) feel good about, and something for them to reply to or bounce off should they wish to return a message.

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By *r laidbackMan
over a year ago

London & New Brighton

"Can you make too much of an effort in messages?

I purposely try not to give one liners.

I actually try to give the other person something to respond back with because I realise sometimes you just don't know what to write back.

But I treat it as a conversation so write like one.

Anyone else experience this?"

You've been given some good advice, I myself tend to put effort into my 1st message, if i get no response or reply then i dont bother.. but like the rest have said be real to yourself

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

"Yes, in my early days as a wet behind the ears newbie I saw one couple local that I liked the looks of, they did the usual ranty thing of NO ONE LINERS. PUT SOME IMAGINIATION INTO YOUR MESSAGES. JUMP THROUGH A THOUSAND FUCKING HOOPS FOR US OR WE WILL DELETE AND BLOCK.

You know the sort.

Well like the desperate amateur I was then I ignored all the red flags (enticed by the lure of pussy) and messaged them with a detailed bespoke message that met their requirements, or so I thought.

What I got back was “If we wanted a fucking novel we would have bought a book” and a block.

So yes. I think you can

I still don't.

You showed them effort and they showed you who they truly are, BanDerks.

You dodged that bullet. I'd feel content with that.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I think there's definitely some that try a bit too hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know the sort.

Well like the desperate amateur I was then I ignored all the red flags (enticed by the lure of pussy) and messaged them with a detailed bespoke message that met their requirements, or so I thought.

What I got back was “If we wanted a fucking novel we would have bought a book” and a block.

So yes. I think you can

I still don't.

You showed them effort and they showed you who they truly are, BanDerks.

You dodged that bullet. I'd feel content with that.

you’re so right Mr Dusk. But back then I just wanted to get my willy wet.

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By *izzy69 OP Man
over a year ago

London

"Can you make too much of an effort in messages?

Nope.

Always make the biggest effort you can, no matter the size of the message.

If you get nothing from it, you've at least stayed true to who you are.

I like that. Thanks mate

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

You know the sort.

Well like the desperate amateur I was then I ignored all the red flags (enticed by the lure of pussy) and messaged them with a detailed bespoke message that met their requirements, or so I thought.

What I got back was “If we wanted a fucking novel we would have bought a book” and a block.

So yes. I think you can

I still don't.

You showed them effort and they showed you who they truly are, BanDerks.

You dodged that bullet. I'd feel content with that.

you’re so right Mr Dusk. But back then I just wanted to get my willy wet. "

You still do, you tart!

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

You know the sort.

Well like the desperate amateur I was then I ignored all the red flags (enticed by the lure of pussy) and messaged them with a detailed bespoke message that met their requirements, or so I thought.

What I got back was “If we wanted a fucking novel we would have bought a book” and a block.

So yes. I think you can

Absolutely this. It's about balance.

wuu2 type messages are boring but overly explicit and detailed messages that describe in detail how a meet will go are equally just as boring.

I prefer just general chit chat messages that you pick up and go back to much easier to engage with.

Also never EVER chase a response after 5 mins. I fucking hate that!

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By *izzy69 OP Man
over a year ago

London

You know the sort.

Well like the desperate amateur I was then I ignored all the red flags (enticed by the lure of pussy) and messaged them with a detailed bespoke message that met their requirements, or so I thought.

What I got back was “If we wanted a fucking novel we would have bought a book” and a block.

So yes. I think you can

I still don't.

You showed them effort and they showed you who they truly are, BanDerks.

You dodged that bullet. I'd feel content with that.

Very philosophical but logical

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience it doesn’t matter what you write in a message…. Getting a meet from this awful website is about as easy as nailing custard to a wall.

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By *ighty_tightyMan
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk

Judging by the shear volume of messages that some members/couples receive you can't assume that the lack of response is anything to do with your message quality. It could easily be overlooked, not read as they look at profiles first, mass deleted etc

Just don't message or expect nothing. Can't lose then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I rarely if ever message anyone prefer to be the chased than the chaser

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

As my status mentions at the moment- i tend to write a brief message introducing myself - if I hear nothing that’s fine I get the volume of messages people get - I accept that. When someone sends back a sarcastic response it tends to rather boil my piss. I haven’t been ‘off’ in my message so at what point did they think being a knob in a message back was going to be a good idea? Anyway that’s my 2p worth. Write a decent message but not war and peace as they won’t either have time or inclination to read it.

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By *olden PoleMan
over a year ago

Kent

As an old campaigner now on fabs ( and swinging club scene ) I can say that it doesn’t matter a fuck what you write...a nice informative message, a one line wonder or try some humour.....it all comes down to the dreaded face pic and whether there’s that instant yes factor.

Don’t get me wrong, messaging someone a load of bollocks with a raging hard cock pic won’t do you any favours, so comb your hair, shine your spam ( if your a bald ) practice you best side smile and snap away if it’s meets you want.

Your welcome

Mr J

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By *oodoodMan
over a year ago

Suffolk / Essex borders

Yep always try write something more than a one liner but whether they respond or not is

down to your profile. I particularly like the profiles that have something about being sapiosexual or have that don't send me a one liner and then they just have one word replies

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By *izzy69 OP Man
over a year ago

London

"In my experience it doesn’t matter what you write in a message…. Getting a meet from this awful website is about as easy as nailing custard to a wall. "

I've actually managed to successfull nail custard to the wall a few times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you make too much of an effort in messages?

I purposely try not to give one liners.

I actually try to give the other person something to respond back with because I realise sometimes you just don't know what to write back.

But I treat it as a conversation so write like one.

Anyone else experience this?"

I ask for simple things in my profile for any 1st message, I can't believe how many don't bother.

It makes it easier for me tho, I just delete. If you can't follow simple instructions....

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By *izzy69 OP Man
over a year ago

London

"Yep always try write something more than a one liner but whether they respond or not is

down to your profile. I particularly like the profiles that have something about being sapiosexual or have that don't send me a one liner and then they just have one word replies

Oh my pet peeve is "don't write one liners" and then give one word responses. Grrr

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By *izzy69 OP Man
over a year ago

London

"Can you make too much of an effort in messages?

I purposely try not to give one liners.

I actually try to give the other person something to respond back with because I realise sometimes you just don't know what to write back.

But I treat it as a conversation so write like one.

Anyone else experience this?

I ask for simple things in my profile for any 1st message, I can't believe how many don't bother.

It makes it easier for me tho, I just delete. If you can't follow simple instructions...."

See you seem to be a level headed one. I like your profile. It really does lay out what you expect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been on here a fair while. One thing that became clear early on is that you just can't win.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I won't comment on what you should put in a message as part of the learning curve on here is a trial and error methodology of working out the best approach.

But one thing I will say is that it pays to seriously read a profile and if it says 'nor currently meeting' or gives any indication that sending a message at that point in time won't get a reply....then don't send a message. It just shows you haven't respected the message you've clearly been given.

Likewise if you're responding to something that someone has said in the forums - reply there using the '+quote' option rather than message privately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience it doesn’t matter what you write in a message…. Getting a meet from this awful website is about as easy as nailing custard to a wall. "

My fanny is full of spunk custard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know the sort.

Well like the desperate amateur I was then I ignored all the red flags (enticed by the lure of pussy) and messaged them with a detailed bespoke message that met their requirements, or so I thought.

What I got back was “If we wanted a fucking novel we would have bought a book” and a block.

So yes. I think you can

Oh Dan. Dan Dan.

It's their loss.

A THOUSAND FUCKING HOOPS.

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By *izzy69 OP Man
over a year ago

London

"In my experience it doesn’t matter what you write in a message…. Getting a meet from this awful website is about as easy as nailing custard to a wall.

My fanny is full of spunk custard.

Damn! That's gonna need pudding to accompany

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

"In my experience it doesn’t matter what you write in a message…. Getting a meet from this awful website is about as easy as nailing custard to a wall.

My fanny is full of spunk custard.

And i have spotted dick…. Just saying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What you need is the Nash equilibrium. The only way to resolve an inefficiency from this is to withdraw one element of that inefficiency.

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By *izzy69 OP Man
over a year ago

London

"What you need is the Nash equilibrium. The only way to resolve an inefficiency from this is to withdraw one element of that inefficiency.

Ah, the withdrawal method

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience it doesn’t matter what you write in a message…. Getting a meet from this awful website is about as easy as nailing custard to a wall.

My fanny is full of spunk custard.

Maybe there is a north/south divide as it’s been near on impossible to get so much as a reply for me.

Honestly how am I supposed to start cheating on my wife if I can’t even get any swinging female in a hundred mile radius to even give me the common courtesy of replying with a message telling me to go fuck myself?!

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By *izzy69 OP Man
over a year ago

London

"In my experience it doesn’t matter what you write in a message…. Getting a meet from this awful website is about as easy as nailing custard to a wall.

My fanny is full of spunk custard.

Maybe there is a north/south divide as it’s been near on impossible to get so much as a reply for me.

There is a north/south divide.

We don't do custard in the south. It's creme anglaise here, which apparently resides up our backsides.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Fact is if your fit, your fit

You really think if Tom Hardy or whoever else is the latest celeb hot crush slid in their dms with “hey” they’d ignore them?

A funny first message can help you stand out. It can turn a maybe into a maybe/yes

But if it’s a no via pics, it’s a no no matter what.

Put a level of effort into messages that your comfortable with.

Most people asking for fantastic first messages don’t have a profile that’s worth (or even possible) to send a great message too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What you need is the Nash equilibrium. The only way to resolve an inefficiency from this is to withdraw one element of that inefficiency.

Ah, the withdrawal method

Must work as I’ve not messaged anyone and not been rejected yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience it doesn’t matter what you write in a message…. Getting a meet from this awful website is about as easy as nailing custard to a wall.

My fanny is full of spunk custard.

Maybe there is a north/south divide as it’s been near on impossible to get so much as a reply for me.

Spread your fishy net wider. Message every woman in a 200 mile radius.

Then start messaging the men...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know the sort.

Well like the desperate amateur I was then I ignored all the red flags (enticed by the lure of pussy) and messaged them with a detailed bespoke message that met their requirements, or so I thought.

What I got back was “If we wanted a fucking novel we would have bought a book” and a block.

So yes. I think you can

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Fact is if your fit, your fit

You really think if Tom Hardy or whoever else is the latest celeb hot crush slid in their dms with “hey” they’d ignore them?

A funny first message can help you stand out. It can turn a maybe into a maybe/yes

But if it’s a no via pics, it’s a no no matter what.

Put a level of effort into messages that your comfortable with.

Most people asking for fantastic first messages don’t have a profile that’s worth (or even possible) to send a great message too. "

This.

What many forget is that this isn't a long term relationship or dating site, particularly when it comes to couples. It's fantasy fulfilment, adding an extra body or two into their sex lives. So no matter how good your patter, your charm and your devastatingly witty repertoire of comedy genius one liners.....if they don't find you physically attractive then you're fighting a losing battle.

Harsh. But true. Just because people are on a no strings swingers (or sex, the choice is yours!) site it doesn't mean they'll drop their standards when it comes to attraction. Looks matter. More to some than others but anyone that tries to convince you that personality alone is enough to get you naked and jiggy with someone is being less than honest with both you and themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience it doesn’t matter what you write in a message…. Getting a meet from this awful website is about as easy as nailing custard to a wall.

My fanny is full of spunk custard.

Maybe there is a north/south divide as it’s been near on impossible to get so much as a reply for me.

Spread your fishy net wider. Message every woman in a 200 mile radius.

Then start messaging the men...

If I wanted to meet men then I’d wouldn’t even have to put any effort in at all.

Most of the so called “straight” men on here have no difficulty in getting messages from gay guys that are more than willing to suck them off….. however if you’re looking to meet local women…. You might have better odds at winning the lottery than getting a reply!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience it doesn’t matter what you write in a message…. Getting a meet from this awful website is about as easy as nailing custard to a wall.

My fanny is full of spunk custard.

Maybe there is a north/south divide as it’s been near on impossible to get so much as a reply for me.

Spread your fishy net wider. Message every woman in a 200 mile radius.

Then start messaging the men...

If I wanted to meet men then I’d wouldn’t even have to put any effort in at all.

So gay men aren’t selective? You basing that on anything?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

If I wanted to meet men then I’d wouldn’t even have to put any effort in at all.

Yeah........I doubt that very much tbh......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I wanted to meet men then I’d wouldn’t even have to put any effort in at all.

Yeah........I doubt that very much tbh......

Well, I’d put you wrong… there is no doubt needed.

Most guys on here for any reasonable amount of time with a profile that accepts messages from men would of had at least one or more messages from a “straight” man offering to suck them off.

It seems that gay men are a lot less selective when it comes to sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you make too much of an effort in messages?

I purposely try not to give one liners.

I actually try to give the other person something to respond back with because I realise sometimes you just don't know what to write back.

But I treat it as a conversation so write like one.

Anyone else experience this?"

Yes. Fab and the message system is an odd thing I don’t partake with anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I need to put any more effort in that it takes to type “can I shoot my cock snot up your fart pipe”, then I just can’t be arsed.

Normally I just say “you, me, naked? Let’s fuck”

Nearly always works.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If im needed im not hard to find

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

When a single guy has made a good effort, I respond very differently to a no effort 1 liner type. It doesn't mean we're compatible on all levels but could have more in common. I know it's hard for guys here, so I appreciate his investment.

Very differently, if someone overloaded a message, potentially with too much detail, then it may have helped him to have elaborated how he's not compatible.

We all deserve honesty and respect from each other. I like to give this.

Sometimes less will be more. As long as you're whetting my appetite and I don't feel I've just been thrown any old crumbs.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"If I need to put any more effort in that it takes to type “can I shoot my cock snot up your fart pipe”, then I just can’t be arsed.

Normally I just say “you, me, naked? Let’s fuck”

Nearly always works. "

That's your though - don't mislead the average men here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most things about me relevant to my tastes and meeting are on my profile.

First thing I do is look at theirs, and that tells me whether or not I even want to read the message x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Based on this thread I need to get cracking with indiscriminately offering blow jobs on here.

Got a busy evening ahead

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

If I wanted to meet men then I’d wouldn’t even have to put any effort in at all.

Yeah........I doubt that very much tbh......

Well, I’d put you wrong… there is no doubt needed.

Most guys on here for any reasonable amount of time with a profile that accepts messages from men would of had at least one or more messages from a “straight” man offering to suck them off.

It seems that gay men are a lot less selective when it comes to sex."

I'm not disputing that messages are sent.

I'm disputing that you wouldn't have to put any effort in. I'd also say there's fuck all difference between gay and straight men when it comes to being 'selective' as you choose to term it. Just as many straight guys would say yes to someone they wouldn't normally look twice at just to get their dick wet.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Effort means different things to different people.

If your go to approach is a couple of words then effort could mean writing a full sentence.

If you are used to writing soliloquies then effort might mean making that more specific to the recipient.

You could sent exactly the same message to two virtually identical profiles and get completely different reactions or responses because regardless of what they say on their profile your words could resonate with one and not the other.

It's like taking part in a phone in radio competition. Even if you have the right answer and someone else gets there first you don't take it personally because you are just an anonymous number in a queue.

On here you have to make the effort long before you ever write a message because most people look at the senders profile before they decide to open the message or not.

If you have a lazy profile the content or length of the message won't matter if it's never opened.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

At the end of the day, if you don't visually fit with what someone wants, you are not going to get past that initial message anyway.

Getting a thanks but no thanks is always a bonus.

Your profile is the shop window, you have to have enough in there to entice someone to walk through the door, your first message is the same thing, a lot will come down to experience and a certain amount of trial and error

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