FabSwingers.com forum: I’m very quick to offer

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Help to people …

I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.

Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.

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By *ack688Man
over a year ago

abruzzo Italy (and UK)

All to often in the past I’ve casually said in conversation, ‘well I can give you a hand with that when you get round to it’ then later wonder why on Earth I said that and kinda hope they decide not to do whatever the thing was or just forget I offered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All to often in the past I’ve casually said in conversation, ‘well I can give you a hand with that when you get round to it’ then later wonder why on Earth I said that and kinda hope they decide not to do whatever the thing was or just forget I offered"

I know what you mean. We will have to stop being so nice

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you get out of it ??

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too"

I need to be slower

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

"Help to people …

I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.

Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.

I am the same way. Now though, people encounter a visual wall that stops them asking.

I am crap at saying I have changed my mind though even if I have...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too

I need to be slower

I learned that the hard way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Help to people …

I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.

Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.

I am the same way. Now though, people encounter a visual wall that stops them asking.

I am crap at saying I have changed my mind though even if I have...

Crap !! Ok

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too

I need to be slower

I learned that the hard way.

Haha

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I love to help and will frequently offer as long as I have the time to spare

Alternatively apart from my inner circle, I never ask for help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get where you are coming from but I have learnt over the years to only offer to help if you are fully prepared to go through with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Help to people …

I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.

Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.

Just be honest, with those who you initially offered it to. Can’t be unfair if you’re being honest, even if they need your support or help. Things do change.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too

I need to be slower

I learned that the hard way.

Haha"

One too many times people took me up on my offer and I found myself doing something I hated or driving somebody somewhere I really didn't want to go. Now I either say nothing or offer help later when I've thought it over.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only help those i care about usually unless its an emergency

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I love to help and will frequently offer as long as I have the time to spare

Alternatively apart from my inner circle, I never ask for help "

This is someone on my street …. I don’t really know them

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I get where you are coming from but I have learnt over the years to only offer to help if you are fully prepared to go through with it.

True

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Help to people …

I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.

Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.

Just be honest, with those who you initially offered it to. Can’t be unfair if you’re being honest, even if they need your support or help. Things do change."

Yes! Indeed

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never offer help unless I'm sure I am able and willing so I'm slow to offer, but if I do you can be sure I'll do it. I take other people's offers of help with a huge pinch of salt too

I need to be slower

I learned that the hard way.

Haha

Lesson learnt

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I only help those i care about usually unless its an emergency "

I don’t really know this person … just a person on my street

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I only help those i care about usually unless its an emergency

I don’t really know this person … just a person on my street "
in that case id say no help to give

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I'll only offer if I know I'm going to follow through

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I only help those i care about usually unless its an emergency

I don’t really know this person … just a person on my street in that case id say no help to give"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'll only offer if I know I'm going to follow through "

It was a knee jerk reaction

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

Yes I used to offer help without a second thought, most of the time I would still go through with it even if I changed my mind.

These days I tend not to offer at all and fewer people seem to ask me, even though I would have been happy to help. Wonder if that's a sign of my incompetence? Either way I doubt I could back out if I had changed my mind still.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes I used to offer help without a second thought, most of the time I would still go through with it even if I changed my mind.

I just tend to say yes, when someone’s struggling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Help to people …

I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.

Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.

In short you should feel fine to tell your friend that you have regrettably changed your mind. And you don’t need to provide a reason. A good friend will not make you feel bad.

Here’s my take on a wonderful book by Prof. Robert Caildini from his book: Influence : science and practice.

Our human conditioning states we must follow through on promises and that we value consistency. It’s how we have evolved in society. However these traits can be used by those to exploit us.

Typically good sales people will get you verbally cornered and we are compelled to obey because it seems like the right thing , but filled with regret and possibly feeling conned afterwards.

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By *dventurous biMan
over a year ago

tesside

I’m a sucker for people in distress. Strangers or people that I know.

I’ve driven a guy 10 miles back to his car when he’d run out of fuel. Stopped to change the tyre for two young girls. Helped people find their friends at a festival.

Hopefully each of those people appreciated what I did and will pay it forward.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Help to people …

I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.

Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.

In short you should feel fine to tell your friend that you have regrettably changed your mind. And you don’t need to provide a reason. A good friend will not make you feel bad.

Here’s my take on a wonderful book by Prof. Robert Caildini from his book: Influence : science and practice.

Our human conditioning states we must follow through on promises and that we value consistency. It’s how we have evolved in society. However these traits can be used by those to exploit us.

Typically good sales people will get you verbally cornered and we are compelled to obey because it seems like the right thing , but filled with regret and possibly feeling conned afterwards.

She’s not even a good friend … I just felt sorry for her

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That sounded bad

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"I love to help and will frequently offer as long as I have the time to spare

Alternatively apart from my inner circle, I never ask for help

This is someone on my street …. I don’t really know them"

Then it would be purely whether I was actually able/capable to help

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

"I love to help and will frequently offer as long as I have the time to spare

Alternatively apart from my inner circle, I never ask for help "

I never ask for help. I find it impossible to ask

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By *oly Fuck Sticks BatmanCouple
over a year ago

here & there

The Mr has offered to do the airport run out of politeness a few times, thinking that it wouldn’t be accepted - then moans when the offer is taken up… such a div.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm quick to offer when it is something minor and have the usual grumbles if taken up at an inconvenient time

When its something major i extend genuine offers, but they take a huge toll on me (ie, letting a recovering homeless alcoholic move in.. What the hell was i thinking)

I have resisted offering my spare room to a Refugee because i also work from home so have the sense to know it would not work for either of us (plus my house is freezing and they would, rightly, want the heating on! )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Help to people …

I like helping others, but sometimes I get that feeling where I think, I should’ve thought about it more before offering.

Is it easy to say you’ve changed your mind, or do you go along with it because you’ve offered.

I'm exactly the same, but if I've promised to do something I will go through with it.

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By *iberius61Man
over a year ago

Pontefract

Once you get involved in helping it can become difficult to step back. A couple of times I've had to say it's getting a bit ridiculous, probably a while after it did get ridiculous and I should have said it.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Helping others has enabled me to learn I.T. on the job so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Once you get involved in helping it can become difficult to step back. A couple of times I've had to say it's getting a bit ridiculous, probably a while after it did get ridiculous and I should have said it."

I see diplomacy and tact is your strong point. Haha

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