FabSwingers.com forum: Damsel in Distress

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Can anyone help ?

I know of a young (ish) lady (cough) who has something of a problem.

She has welded her arse to the sofa - I think she said welded, it could have been wedged.

Anyhoo, she needs a chocolate fix and her nearest supply is on the top shelf away from the sofa.

The 'supply' is a pochette of choccy coins, originally intended for use towards the end of the year.

I have been asked to go round and retrieve said choccy coins, but being 40 miles away and 5ft fuck all, her plans are 'hopeful' to say the least.

So she is looking for someone to pop round and serve said coins on her behalf.

Any takers ?

No thought not !

So then, fair forumites of the Fab World, who can come up with an ingenious plan to liberate the booty from its high perch and into the willing and greedy mouth of said lazy sod ?

Answers and suggestions all greatfully received.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trained monkeys. Possibly with wings like at the end of the Wizard of Oz !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can anyone help ?

I know of a young (ish) lady (cough) who has something of a problem.

She has welded her arse to the sofa - I think she said welded, it could have been wedged.u

Anyhoo, she needs a chocolate fix and her nearest supply is on the top shelf away from the sofa.

The 'supply' is a pochette of choccy coins, originally intended for use towards the end of the year.

I have been asked to go round and retrieve said choccy coins, but being 40 miles away and 5ft fuck all, her plans are 'hopeful' to say the least.

So she is looking for someone to pop round and serve said coins on her behalf.

Any takers ?

No thought not !

So then, fair forumites of the Fab World, who can come up with an ingenious plan to liberate the booty from its high perch and into the willing and greedy mouth of said lazy sod ?

Answers and suggestions all greatfully received."

I have a hydraulic jack and a spare half hour.

Would that help?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If said lady had a long pole of some description, maybe she could poke them off the shelf!

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Still got some stale Jaffa Cakes going free if that's any help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Throw the sky remote at the said booty hoping they ricochet off the shelf with the momentum .... if she employs a boomerang throw the remote should return with said choccies.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"Still got some stale Jaffa Cakes going free if that's any help

"
ok..i give in....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If said lady had a long pole of some description, maybe she could poke them off the shelf! "

She should keep a couple of extra large Toblerone's near her like I do ....... (they're not really just for Christmas.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Is your dog one of those clever ones? Could he run the 40 miles there, open the door, retrieve the chocs and then hand them over? He might have to stay the night.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

You lie... I don't eat chocolate and mr fab stole all the jaffa cakes!!

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

"If said lady had a long pole of some description, maybe she could poke them off the shelf!

She should keep a couple of extra large Toblerone's near her like I do ....... (they're not really just for Christmas.

"
or in a handy side table drawer then you just have to reach out your hand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You lie... I don't eat chocolate and mr fab stole all the jaffa cakes!!

...... so I couldn't interest you in a slightly dented over large white toblerone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Passenger Pigeons trained to deliver sweet treats

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Passenger Pigeons trained to deliver sweet treats

.... I've seen what they deliver .... it isn't nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Passenger Pigeons trained to deliver sweet treats

.... I've seen what they deliver .... it isn't nice.

Yuck! Very true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is your dog one of those clever ones? Could he run the 40 miles there, open the door, retrieve the chocs and then hand them over? He might have to stay the night."

That sounds like a good plan.

Except that would mean Bussy having to get off his arse and let the dog out.....

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

if a set of pan pipes are handy, just laying about ..

play an enticing tune to attract local rodents to fetch said choccy..

yes there will be some negotiating on the rate for the job but better than no choccy..

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Passenger Pigeons trained to deliver sweet treats

.... I've seen what they deliver .... it isn't nice.

true, looks like those funny Belgian shell chocolates..

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

I can always cum ooops sorry, come and help scarlet out, anytime

and im house trained and can bring chocolate too

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Everyone just needs to have a helper monkey. Perhaps we can set up a pilot scheme and have one monkey per street and see how that works out?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can always cum ooops sorry, come and help scarlet out, anytime

and im house trained and can bring chocolate too

Ahem !

How did you know I was talking about Scarlet ?

Have you two been plotting behind my back again ?

If you haven't, Scarlet, Hels thinks you're lazy, not so young and not so ladylike.

Just saying

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

"You lie... I don't eat chocolate and mr fab stole all the jaffa cakes!!

...... so I couldn't interest you in a slightly dented over large white toblerone? "

nah loops... Beans on toast and you got me xdd

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"I can always cum ooops sorry, come and help scarlet out, anytime

and im house trained and can bring chocolate too

Ahem !

How did you know I was talking about Scarlet ?

Have you two been plotting behind my back again ?

If you haven't, Scarlet, Hels thinks you're lazy, not so young and not so ladylike.

Just saying

wild guess! And Scarlet has me down to a tee (or tea) but I dont smell of lavender, just dairylea! Oh and Im dead old, Im like your age bussy

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"You lie... I don't eat chocolate and mr fab stole all the jaffa cakes!!

...... so I couldn't interest you in a slightly dented over large white toblerone?

nah loops... Beans on toast and you got me xdd "
beans AND sausage! Dont sell yourself so cheap _muma!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can always cum ooops sorry, come and help scarlet out, anytime

and im house trained and can bring chocolate too

Ahem !

How did you know I was talking about Scarlet ?

Have you two been plotting behind my back again ?

If you haven't, Scarlet, Hels thinks you're lazy, not so young and not so ladylike.

Just saying

wild guess! And Scarlet has me down to a tee (or tea) but I dont smell of lavender, just dairylea! Oh and Im dead old, Im like your age bussy

Lazy... old.... not so ladylike......

Sounds like my profile.

Hels... the door's unlocked.... see you soon...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can always cum ooops sorry, come and help scarlet out, anytime

and im house trained and can bring chocolate too

Ahem !

How did you know I was talking about Scarlet ?

Have you two been plotting behind my back again ?

If you haven't, Scarlet, Hels thinks you're lazy, not so young and not so ladylike.

Just saying

wild guess! And Scarlet has me down to a tee (or tea) but I dont smell of lavender, just dairylea! Oh and Im dead old, Im like your age bussy

yeah, but I can knock 23 years off my age just by clicking 'set as avatar' so there

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"I can always cum ooops sorry, come and help scarlet out, anytime

and im house trained and can bring chocolate too

Ahem !

How did you know I was talking about Scarlet ?

Have you two been plotting behind my back again ?

If you haven't, Scarlet, Hels thinks you're lazy, not so young and not so ladylike.

Just saying

wild guess! And Scarlet has me down to a tee (or tea) but I dont smell of lavender, just dairylea! Oh and Im dead old, Im like your age bussy

Lazy... old.... not so ladylike......

Sounds like my profile.

Hels... the door's unlocked.... see you soon...

*on my way to Scarlets

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If her arse is wedged maybe going without the chocolate is her best bet

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"I can always cum ooops sorry, come and help scarlet out, anytime

and im house trained and can bring chocolate too

Ahem !

How did you know I was talking about Scarlet ?

Have you two been plotting behind my back again ?

If you haven't, Scarlet, Hels thinks you're lazy, not so young and not so ladylike.

Just saying

wild guess! And Scarlet has me down to a tee (or tea) but I dont smell of lavender, just dairylea! Oh and Im dead old, Im like your age bussy

yeah, but I can knock 23 years off my age just by clicking 'set as avatar' so there

A ha! You havent seen me as a blonde with lovely black roots, young slim thing, no boobs and dressed in lycra!

Sorry guys, think ive just turned bussy straight with that thought!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

*on my way to Scarlets

Can you pick me up on the way thru ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can always cum ooops sorry, come and help scarlet out, anytime

and im house trained and can bring chocolate too

Ahem !

How did you know I was talking about Scarlet ?

Have you two been plotting behind my back again ?

If you haven't, Scarlet, Hels thinks you're lazy, not so young and not so ladylike.

Just saying

wild guess! And Scarlet has me down to a tee (or tea) but I dont smell of lavender, just dairylea! Oh and Im dead old, Im like your age bussy

yeah, but I can knock 23 years off my age just by clicking 'set as avatar' so there

A ha! You havent seen me as a blonde with lovely black roots, young slim thing, no boobs and dressed in lycra!

Sorry guys, think ive just turned bussy straight with that thought!

Ur OK tho guys, it's only a Fab 'straight' not a real one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*on my way to Scarlets

Can you pick me up on the way thru ?

On the way thru???? You saying I'm slack????

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Still got some stale Jaffa Cakes going free if that's any help

ok..i give in....

I will share my last Jaffa Cakes with you, but they are stale and we need to access some voddy to wash them down with

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

*on my way to Scarlets

Can you pick me up on the way thru ?

On the way thru???? You saying I'm slack????

Bussy said you were baggy

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

*on my way to Scarlets

Can you pick me up on the way thru ?

"
sure. Got a plastic bag you can sit on

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

*on my way to Scarlets

Can you pick me up on the way thru ?

sure. Got a plastic bag you can sit on"

That's good then

We can use it as a Femidom when we get to Scarlets

I think it could very well be time for bed

I'm not too sleepy, but lying awake is preferential to death which is the way I'm heading

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

*on my way to Scarlets

Can you pick me up on the way thru ?

sure. Got a plastic bag you can sit on

That's good then

We can use it as a Femidom when we get to Scarlets

I think it could very well be time for bed

I'm not too sleepy, but lying awake is preferential to death which is the way I'm heading

Reckon Scarlet has you well n truly sussed, as do I my dear.

Im off to bed now good night, sleep well and dont worry to much when Scarlet and I appear in your room tonight!

Muhahaha,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*on my way to Scarlets

Can you pick me up on the way thru ?

sure. Got a plastic bag you can sit on

That's good then

We can use it as a Femidom when we get to Scarlets

I think it could very well be time for bed

I'm not too sleepy, but lying awake is preferential to death which is the way I'm heading

Make sure it's an extra strong scented bin bag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Still got some stale Jaffa Cakes going free if that's any help

ok..i give in....

I will share my last Jaffa Cakes with you, but they are stale and we need to access some voddy to wash them down with

What time will you be here?? You can keep the voddy...

Are jaffa cakes ever 'fresh'? I thought they were designed to be stale.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Still got some stale Jaffa Cakes going free if that's any help

You've still not off loaded those?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do what Joey did in Friends - Giant Poking Device! lol

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Still got some stale Jaffa Cakes going free if that's any help

You've still not off loaded those?

Unfortunately not, I think I may have to let the budgerigar loose on them

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