FabSwingers.com forum: Best jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Give us your best one liners, puns, jokes...

Let's all get laughing!!

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

2 cows were playing cards and smoking a joint,

Thats right the steaks were pretty high

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I made a website for orphans, unfortunately it doesn't have a home page.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fella buys a talking centipede for £5000 and takes it home in small box.

After 30 mins he opens the box and says "Would you like to go for a pint".

The centipede doesn't answer... Raising his voice he repeats the question, still no reply.

Getting he angry, thinking shouts he's been done, he shouts the question loudly.

At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heard you the Ist time I'm putting my fucking shoes on".

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By *yrdsisWoman
over a year ago

Gleam Street

Who can drink a litre of petrol?

Jerry can

Not my joke... honest

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

My wife said shes leaving me because of my sexual perversions

I said fine shut my cock in the door on your way out

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

My wife was complaining about my ocd

I soon put her in her place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it Solipistic in here, or is it just me?

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Is this a rhetorical question?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My status just now “When I found out the amusement park was taking photos of me on their rides without my permission I was fluming.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had sex with a sheep yesterday. It wasn't baaad.

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By *essicagraceWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef.

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By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach

I saw a good one earlier:

Me to the librarian "where are your books on paranoia?", they whisper back "they're behind you."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife asked me to kiss her 'where it smells' late last night.

I told her there was no way I was driving to Coatbridge at that time of night.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

The police arrested two teenagers yesterday evening, one for stealing rechargeable batteries and the other for stealing fireworks. The charged one and let the other one off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lexi asked me last night if I would like super sex.

She was offended when I asked her what flavour of soup she had.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"I saw a good one earlier:

Me to the librarian "where are your books on paranoia?", they whisper back "they're behind you.""

I went to a book shop and asked where the self-help section was. They said if they told me that it would defeat the object.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I saw a good one earlier:

Me to the librarian "where are your books on paranoia?", they whisper back "they're behind you.""

I went to the library and asked if I could borrow a book on suicide. They said 'No, you won't bring it back'.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Me: Have you got any books on shelves?

Librarian: They're all on the bloody shelves

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"2 cows were playing cards and smoking a joint,

Thats right the steaks were pretty high

Hahaha top notch

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My wife was complaining about my ocd

I soon put her in her place "

Hahaha ha

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo,

So I put my foot down!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

My wife was constantly belittling me for reading the dictionary all the time

I told her ‘there’s a word for people like you…’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sick of people criticising me for the way I listen to music. It's my choice and that's vinyl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I told my doctor that id read IVF had a guaranteed 100% success rate

He explained thata a common misconception...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My last girlfriend had really bad crossed eyes. I dumped her because I suspected she was seeing someone on the side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guy walks into doctors surgery naked wrapped in cling film and says...Doctor..i dont know whats wrong..think im going crazy

Doctor looks up at him and replies...well...i can clearly see your nuts..

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

"My last girlfriend had really bad crossed eyes. I dumped her because I suspected she was seeing someone on the side."

I think it was me, we also broke up as we didn’t see eye to eye

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My last girlfriend had really bad crossed eyes. I dumped her because I suspected she was seeing someone on the side.

I think it was me, we also broke up as we didn’t see eye to eye"

Surprised it took so long for my cross eyed gf to break up with me really after i was cheating...she just couldnt see what was going on right under her nose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friend Sophie was telling me about a huge argument she had with her boyfriend ,when a big bunch of flowers from him arrived.

She said you know what this means don't you, I've got to keep my legs open for two weeks

I said,. Why Sophie, ain't you got a vase?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Prudence asked her boyfriend to kiss her where she does her pee pee.

Cracked his head on the toilet seat

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By *hechairman18Man
over a year ago

Salford Quays , Manchester

I said to my friend,

" You don't look well ".

He said.

" I think I've got Alice disease ".

I said,

" What's Alice disease ? ".

He said,

" I don't know, but Christopher Robin, went down with it ".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Megasaur-ass

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

A dimutive clairvoyant escaped from the local open prison.

The local paper ran the story under the heading "Small Medium at Large"

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By *J and CBCouple
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

Scrooge is sitting by his fire on christmas day when there's a knock on the door.

He answers it to find a snail looking at him, the snail says merry christmas, scooge says fuck off and kicks the snail down his path.

Another year passes and it's christmas day again, there's a knock on the door, scrooge answers it and there's a snail looking at him.

The snail says what the fuck did you do that for?

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By *J and CBCouple
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

Two cows in a field, the first cow says to his mate, what do think of this mad cow disease?

The second cow replies, it won't affect me i'm a chicken.

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By *J and CBCouple
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

"What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Megasaur-ass "

No that's what you get after eating a dinosaur curry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you confuse a stupid person?

Purple.

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By *entDomMan
over a year ago

Paddock Wood, Kent

A bloke with two left feet walks into a shoe shop and says "Have you got any flip-flips"?

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By *J and CBCouple
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

A man goes to the doctors and says doctor you have to help me, i keep singing the green green grass of home.

The doctor replies don't panic you're just suffering from Tom Jonesitis.

The man says is it common, the doctor replies it's not unusual.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man goes to the doctor and says I think my nose looks like a trombone

He checked and said yes it does I said I thought so my brother's nose is the shape of a trumpet

The doctor said funny we had a girl in last week and she had a nose the shape of a mouth organ

Oh I said that must be our monica

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By *eedsLocal2040Man
over a year ago

Leeds

What's Whitney Houstons favourite porn category?

Hentaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiii

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

"What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Megasaur-ass "

Lesbian dinosaur- lickalotopuss

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By *ickerladMan
over a year ago

wem

A patient escaped from a lunatic asylum, broke into the local laundry, had sex with one of the workers then ran off.

The local paper next day reported ‘nut screws washers and bolts ‘

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"How do you confuse a stupid person?

Purple."

Thursday!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/06/22 19:27:34]

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By *hinstrapMan
over a year ago

Barnsley

I went into this club last night and got pissed as a fart. I woke up next to the the fattest ugliest minging fucker I had ever seen.

I obviously made it home then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never been good at Geography, but I can name at least one city in France and that's nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just found out Jar Jar Bink's has a famous brother who's an author. Jor Jor Well.

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