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tips for the ladies

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note they are all numbered

1. This is ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. Ifit's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do notwork! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. Live with it.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question to which you don't want an answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the 4-4-2 formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

and if your still not sure

IF MEN WROTE PROBLEM PAGES

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it s great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn t know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"and if your still not sure

IF MEN WROTE PROBLEM PAGES

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it s great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn t know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

"

Here here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow - I've just read all that with all due diligence....

Thank goodness I'm a Lesbian...!

Phew...lucky escape for me!

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Wow - I've just read all that with all due diligence....

Thank goodness I'm a Lesbian...!

Phew...lucky escape for me!

"

Think, Annievixen... I might become one...seems so much easier all round

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aphrodite - well you know that I'd love to help you explore XXX He-He

Then again, we all know that men are just so good at laying down the rules, and women are just so good at ignoring them....

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Aphrodite - well you know that I'd love to help you explore XXX He-He

Then again, we all know that men are just so good at laying down the rules, and women are just so good at ignoring them...."
I just copied, pasted and forwarded to a number of women I know... reckon the next L & G Pride will have a boost

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Aphrodite - well you know that I'd love to help you explore XXX He-He

Then again, we all know that men are just so good at laying down the rules, and women are just so good at ignoring them...."

Laying down rules?? Nahhh rules are meant to be broken so I have none as long as its fun it's good lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I'm glad I'm single right now!

Haha I do have too many shoes and clothes but no man is going to tell me that and still have his testicles attached! haha

Can I join you Anne and Aphrodite please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well i am sticking with the guys on this one but ................ I could wiggle around all of them points easily .........

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Yeah I'm glad I'm single right now!

Haha I do have too many shoes and clothes but no man is going to tell me that and still have his testicles attached! haha

Can I join you Anne and Aphrodite please"
You are more than welcome. Annie???? Can you hear us?

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Well i am sticking with the guys on this one but ................ I could wiggle around all of them points easily ......... "
That s why you are called Minxie... such a suitable name

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yeah I'm glad I'm single right now!

Haha I do have too many shoes and clothes but no man is going to tell me that and still have his testicles attached! haha

Can I join you Anne and Aphrodite pleaseYou are more than welcome. Annie???? Can you hear us?"

Oh - I'm in there with you in total agreement! xxxx

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By *coobyroo218Couple
over a year ago

Guernsey


"and if your still not sure

IF MEN WROTE PROBLEM PAGES

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it s great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn t know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

"

Why did I just read the answers in an Australian accent like the two guys that do the fosters advert??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Why did I just read the answers in an Australian accent like the two guys that do the fosters advert??"

I think it's because they are cultural attaché's

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By *smCouple
over a year ago

Liskeard

[Removed by poster at 07/11/12 19:55:04]

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By *smCouple
over a year ago

Liskeard

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

OMG now i am worried..... mr FSM has just packed his shoes ready for moving, he has left 1 pair black, 1 pair brown, 1 pair of winter boots, 1 pair of black boots and 2 pairs of trainers just in case, and the others fill 4 rucksacks , and he is fantastic at picking out what I look good in and he loves going shopping with me... does this make him Gay....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

OMG now i am worried..... mr FSM has just packed his shoes ready for moving, he has left 1 pair black, 1 pair brown, 1 pair of winter boots, 1 pair of black boots and 2 pairs of trainers just in case, and the others fill 4 rucksacks , and he is fantastic at picking out what I look good in and he loves going shopping with me... does this make him Gay.... "

no trained to perfection by YOU - well done

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