FabSwingers.com forum: After losing a person you cared for?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Grief it comes like waves over you ... your ok one minute and then all back .. how did you cope ? I know time helps .. just grief is a strange thing never lost a person so close .Its like then you really loved and thay go from your life .

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

always speak to your GP, Cruse also offer great help and it takes time, it truly does.

Often a few steps forward then sadly, a huge jump back..... time helps but never heals.

Celebrate the memories x

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By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago

oldbury

Sorry to hear of your loss I take each day as it comes one at a time there will be good and bad days. I try to focus on the happy memories and think of what they did in their life that was good. Hugs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Grief it comes like waves over you ... your ok one minute and then all back .. how did you cope ? I know time helps .. just grief is a strange thing never lost a person so close .Its like then you really loved and thay go from your life ."

My nan died 7 years ago. I think of her every day and love her so much. I miss her like mad, but thinking of the laughter I shared with her eases the pain. I still ask her questions when I need her, and she answers.... at least I hear her voice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure it ever does go away Jo.

You adjust to it and you learn to roll with it.

Whilst your emotions are raw at the moment, it will get better.

Memories and love don't fade, but you will find a little cupboard up there to keep them in.

Every so often they will make an appearance - sometimes they will induce a tear, sometimes a smile, sometimes both.

It's a long game, not a short one.

Just allow yourself (and your family) time to adjust x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry you're feeling sad, losing those we love is one of the worst things we have to face in life.As you say time does lesson the raw grief but it never goes away, like you i still get waves of it at times but i think its ok to be sad about your loss, its one way people stay in our hearts, but just remind yourself that these people wouldnt want us to be un-happy, so when you feel sad think of the happy memories of them and smile through the tears x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We lost my mom dad nan 7 yr ago and our son to cot death 5 yrs ago

We all deal in our own ways life hands us a bad deal of cards at some point in our life

We try to remember the good things but its hard as even though the memories are there you so wished it was them that was there instead

Sometimes counciling helps but sometimes it makes it worse

Just remember talk to sum one as the more you bottle it up the worse it will get and depression will sink in

If need to chat feel free to message xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

so sorry your feeling sad jo, i lost my mum 9 years ago this xmas day coming and miss her evry single day, think the fact its xmas and the kids are so happy makes it a little easy for me and ali xbut still know how your feeling

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By *bbandflowCouple
over a year ago

South Devon

"I'm not sure it ever does go away Jo.

You adjust to it and you learn to roll with it.

Whilst your emotions are raw at the moment, it will get better.

Memories and love don't fade, but you will find a little cupboard up there to keep them in.

Every so often they will make an appearance - sometimes they will induce a tear, sometimes a smile, sometimes both.

It's a long game, not a short one.

Just allow yourself (and your family) time to adjust x"

Beautifully expressed and oh so true!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Jo, your grief is still raw , you will be up and down....and it won't be overnight that things will change.

Give yourself a break and take one day at a time.

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By *ustamysteryWoman
over a year ago

south cumbria

Take one day at a time allow yourself to grieve. Lost my husband and several friends and family all in a short space of time a few years ago. It does get easier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its the old saying time....it doesnt make it dissapear just less painful..not as raw....on the 29th Nov my bf died in my arms in my house...been four yrs this yr took me id say i full year to stop crying everyday,i went to the drs he was useless,i found talking to family and friends about him helped me,i found counselling for my daughter another waste of time as she saw him die too.We got thru it together but still after four yrs its hard,i hear a song on the radio and i begin to cry,i smell the aftershave he used to wear i cry....time heals some of the pain but from my circumstances talking helped .Sorry to hear of your loss but remember as i do my life was blessed he was in it even for a short time.Good memeories never die.Huge hugggles xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its the old saying time....it doesnt make it dissapear just less painful..not as raw....on the 29th Nov my bf died in my arms in my house...been four yrs this yr took me id say i full year to stop crying everyday,i went to the drs he was useless,i found talking to family and friends about him helped me,i found counselling for my daughter another waste of time as she saw him die too.We got thru it together but still after four yrs its hard,i hear a song on the radio and i begin to cry,i smell the aftershave he used to wear i cry....time heals some of the pain but from my circumstances talking helped .Sorry to hear of your loss but remember as i do my life was blessed he was in it even for a short time.Good memeories never die.Huge hugggles xx"

True talking is better my daughter could not get counciling till she was 7 she was 2 wen her brother died they said she shouldn't be aware but then she started self harming few months later and no one would help till her 7 th bday xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, huge hugs...

The pain never goes away, but lessens with time, i lost my Father 8yrs ago this month and i can say that i think about him all the time and all the good times we shared are just precious memories that make me smile.........xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear about your loss..

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think about the people around you and celebrate the person who passed away with them and all the good times you had.

As time goes on, you will get used to them not being there, but you will.always love them and miss them.

They wouldn't want you to be sad for them, remembering them is the best honour you could give to them.

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By *annGentMan
over a year ago

With a cracking _iew

You never stop missing them because you never stop loving them.

What time does is to start reducing the pain felt in missing them.

Simple recognition by others as to what you are going through helped me when my wife died in '87, and talking to those who knew her really helps, still.

However, you'll come across those who aren't able to deal with your loss. My parents rarely converse about Janet, and will change the topic of conversation as quickly as possible !

You will find there are times you want to chat, and times when you don't.

What feelings and emotions you have at any time are important for you, and those that love and care about you will know this, and understand.

Huge hug !!

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"I'm not sure it ever does go away Jo.

You adjust to it and you learn to roll with it.

Whilst your emotions are raw at the moment, it will get better.

Memories and love don't fade, but you will find a little cupboard up there to keep them in.

Every so often they will make an appearance - sometimes they will induce a tear, sometimes a smile, sometimes both.

It's a long game, not a short one.

Just allow yourself (and your family) time to adjust x

Beautifully expressed and oh so true!"

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

From a personal point of _iew

I tried to hide at the bottom of a bottle

I tried to strike out at anyone that cared

I disappeared to try and find myself and ended back where I started.

I pushed myself to the edge of what was possible and then a bit more.

I learnt that you can run all you want, but when you stop you are still there.

Grief is a terrible thing, time does not heal it just numbs a bit.

I'll leave you with one thought I was told by someone wiser

A life is not over until every life it has touched is over.

Love Nuc'sxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From a personal point of _iew

I tried to hide at the bottom of a bottle

I tried to strike out at anyone that cared

I disappeared to try and find myself and ended back where I started.

I pushed myself to the edge of what was possible and then a bit more.

I learnt that you can run all you want, but when you stop you are still there.

Grief is a terrible thing, time does not heal it just numbs a bit.

I'll leave you with one thought I was told by someone wiser

A life is not over until every life it has touched is over.

Love Nuc'sxxx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs xxxxxxxxx

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By *nfieldishCouple
over a year ago

Enfield

"Hugs xxxxxxxxx"

From us too

To all of you

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Work, friends and family, and the pets kept me going.

Remembring the world does not stop spinning after one person has died also helped.

Life goes on, and just get on with it.

Remember the good times and keep myself busy.

Etc. Etc.

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

I wish I could offer words of support. I have lost many close friends and relatives, but I just cannot put into words anything of any meaning.

Do not be afraid to laugh or cry or show any emotion. Let it go where ever you are, what ever you are doing. Out culture is too scared of death, and any emotion regarding it is seen as bad. It isn't.

I'm sorry, I haven't helped like I wish I could.

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

take heart from the love you shared

i feel blessed that the people i cared about the most made my life a happier place because they were in it

i look back and smile at the times we shared

and i cry like a baby whenever the memories become too hard to bear

Jo its difficult and its a long rd

it doesnt go away but it does get easier

much love to you xx

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I lost my mum last year after caring for her for 8 years. We had discussed her death a lot - it was expected. But it was very hard to fill that huge gap in my life. I had conflicted feelings - relief, guilt, deep sorrow. Talking with family helped a lot. I just accepted the feelings as a normal part of the grieving process which helped.

I also went on a solo road trip to Poland to get my head straight. It was my way of coping.

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