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Reasons your penis may be bruised

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well?????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been using it to balance six pints of cider.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wanking death grip

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You accidentally knocked it on the kitchen counter knob, because it's sooooo big! (The kitchen counter, not your knob)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Using it to rope wild mustangs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’ve been having sex to hard maybe

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

DIY whilst naked?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bell taps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Casino royale

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With lob on: you were trying to play bat and ball with the neighbours

You were using it to hammer nails in the wall

Using it as a spirit level and the shelf fell down

Without lob on: you squashed it in the door frame

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Surfing accident

Mother walked in,i jammed it in my laptop

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

It was under the toilet seat when you sat down, don't know how it happened

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're into cock and ball torture. Spiky stilettos

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

Frequently caught in my zip!

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"You're into cock and ball torture. Spiky stilettos "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your sleeping with Lorena Bobbitt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You mistook it for a bishop and bashed it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trapped it in an auto door at tesco express while doing a helicopter and eating a flapjack

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington


"If your sleeping with Lorena Bobbitt"
he did alright after the chop he went on to have a very good adult career

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your dog mistook it for a chipolata.

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By *lice MaliceWoman
over a year ago

The Facility

Attempting the egg challenge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If your sleeping with Lorena Bobbitt he did alright after the chop he went on to have a very good adult career "
id still pass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They let me play with it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You took part in an illegal cock fight.

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington


"If your sleeping with Lorena Bobbitt he did alright after the chop he went on to have a very good adult career id still pass "
same here imagine her next fella I bet he hid the knifes and scissors

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If your sleeping with Lorena Bobbitt he did alright after the chop he went on to have a very good adult career id still pass same here imagine her next fella I bet he hid the knifes and scissors "
like fuck id have hooked it up to a rambo style man trap minute its pulled out come the spikes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It bangs on my ankles when I walk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I trod on it again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I trod on it again "
side show bob is that you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re on a night out with your friends and you meet a girl in a bar. You get talking to her and you’re both getting on really well. Her group of mates are moving on but she tells you the night club they’re going to later on and says she’ll see you there. You’re so happy and excited but also nervous. You have a few too many extra drinks just to build up your confidence for when you see her later on. Finally, your mates decide to go to the club but by this time you’ve had a few too many. Whilst queuing up to get in, the bouncers spot that you’re a bit wobbly and that you’re wearing trainers so they tell you that you can’t get in. No! The girl of your dreams is in there. This was going to be the best night ever and now it’s ruined! Disappointed is not the word. You are positively devastated. It’s as if this bouncer ripped your still beating heart out of chest and then held it in front of your eyes before squeezing it dry. You can’t control yourself. You extend the middle finger of each hand right in front of the bouncer’s face and scream, “FUCK YOU!” Right into his stupid gorilla face, spraying your saliva in his eyes. He stares back at you remaining calm on the outside but inwardly raging. Then he punches you right in the cock.

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By *otandHorny40Couple
over a year ago

Swansea

I lost my hammer and those nails weren't going to knock themselves in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should see my kneecaps as well (wah wah wah)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I slapped mine on a door frame once and bruised it.

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

You used it as a walking stick after you twisted your ankle

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Used it to play hoopla

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Forgot to take your bat to cricket practice

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Disastrous attempt at unfurling it in a moment of passion

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

My penis never bruises

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By *yrdsisWoman
over a year ago

Gleam Street

Crikey! My poor hubby has a bruised bit as the rottie has no idea how strong she is and he forgets, so she has a tendency to headbutt up...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some hungover blokes mistook it for a shiitake mushroom

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By *aulupforitMan
over a year ago

Corbridge

Is it like the purple headed monster?

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By *he love catsCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

Smashed it on the perineum doing reverse cowgirl, I know Mr did it was bruised for weeks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone left the cover on the gloryhole.

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By *onnyadtMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter


"Well????? "

You said blow it, technically striking it with the hammer did fulfill that request.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cock fighting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I use mine to hammer nails

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep treading on it under my feet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are about to enter through a doorway at the exact same time as someone else and both of you, not wanting to be rude, stop and gesture to the other to go first. There is an exchange, ‘After you.’ ‘ No. After you.’ ‘No you first. I insist.’ You then both try again to go through at the same time again and then repeat the same ‘after you’ exchange once again. Yet again you attempt to go through the doorway at the same time. This time the other person says, ‘This isn’t funny anymore!’ And punches you right in the cock.

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