FabSwingers.com forum: Inclusivity versus truthfulness

By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Hello Fabbers.

I've not been on here much lately (other than the trusty Nocturnal - howdo Jim & Ash!) as I'm not enjoying it as much.

Fab for me is fun. I don't take it seriously. It's for flirting, silliness & finding like-minded folk & making connections.

But lately all I'm seeing is folk moaning about perceived "cliques", "popularity threads" or a lack of "inclusivity".

I have to interact with people I do not care for in the real world & at work all week. This is my "fun", my downtime. If I don't like you, think you're a dick or a whinger, or - god forbid - fancy the 6' tall gym god (insert sexy female here for the straight guys or bi fems) surely it's my right NOT to embrace the "we're all equal" trope? Or am I supposed to fawn over you just because you don't get a mention?

As long as I follow forum rules and don't deliberately put you down, etc., I can hold to my own truth, no?

What do you all think?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I think that is very well said

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think it's a natural reaction to threads that attract the perceived popular crowd.

I avoid both types of thread, they're not my scene. But I have a lot more sympathy for "I feel left out" than "look at me, I'm so popular and here are all my popular friends". It's all a bit high school, and I left that hell a long time ago.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that is the right approach. Inclusivity on here is wafer thin and performative anyway.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I think that is very well said

Thanks Nora.

Do you think it's because we're "older"? that we realise that you can't get something in this life, just because you want it, you actually have to work for it? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello Fabbers.

I've not been on here much lately (other than the trusty Nocturnal - howdo Jim & Ash!) as I'm not enjoying it as much.

Fab for me is fun. I don't take it seriously. It's for flirting, silliness & finding like-minded folk & making connections.

But lately all I'm seeing is folk moaning about perceived "cliques", "popularity threads" or a lack of "inclusivity".

As long as I follow forum rules and don't deliberately put you down, etc., I can hold to my own truth, no?

What do you all think?

You're allowed to use the forums in the way you want. Just as others are

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

There are cliques on here and Tom can say he is not a member of that clique.. any clique that has Tom as a member is not worth joining...

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I think that is very well said

Thanks Nora.

Do you think it's because we're "older"? that we realise that you can't get something in this life, just because you want it, you actually have to work for it? Xx"

Yes I definitely do. Funnily enough I actually thought this earlier today after reading a few threads! Definitely an age/experience thing in my opinion x

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I think it's a natural reaction to threads that attract the perceived popular crowd.

Thanks Swing.

But what about what I am perceiving as a slight backlash on the popular women - it's usually women, not seen any popular men being slated - I mean is it their fault folk fancy them/name them on those threads? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this opening up another debate about all this sh’te? Just let it go and it will go away.

I just want a big cuddle fuck with some wonderful people. They are on my friends list. I’m sure other people have their own friends list. That means it’s a super friendly place. Who doesn’t like a super friendly place. ?

FAF anyone?

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"There are cliques on here and Tom can say he is not a member of that clique.. any clique that has Tom as a member is not worth joining..."

I'm agreeing with Tom twice in a week. The world is definitely about to end

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I think that is the right approach. Inclusivity on here is wafer thin and performative anyway.

But why should it have to be inclusive? Thats my point. X

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Hello Fabbers.

I've not been on here much lately (other than the trusty Nocturnal - howdo Jim & Ash!) as I'm not enjoying it as much.

Fab for me is fun. I don't take it seriously. It's for flirting, silliness & finding like-minded folk & making connections.

But lately all I'm seeing is folk moaning about perceived "cliques", "popularity threads" or a lack of "inclusivity".

As long as I follow forum rules and don't deliberately put you down, etc., I can hold to my own truth, no?

What do you all think?

You're allowed to use the forums in the way you want. Just as others are

I know. And I certainly do. Just felt the need to get my thruppenceworth out

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

"I think that is very well said

Thanks Nora.

Do you think it's because we're "older"? that we realise that you can't get something in this life, just because you want it, you actually have to work for it? Xx

Yes I definitely do. Funnily enough I actually thought this earlier today after reading a few threads! Definitely an age/experience thing in my opinion x"

I’m not as old as you two!

But definitely on the same page.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Of course I agree with Red and Nora because I am cliquey, sycophanty and white knighty. And an oldie.

No. Seriously I do but for only three of those reasons.

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

Proper clique this thread. I'm leaving.

Joking of course... who cares who you do or do not interact with?

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Is this opening up another debate about all this sh’te? Just let it go and it will go away.

FAF anyone?

Thanks Woody. I only raised it as it's been bugging me for weeks & this is not the usual form this subject takes.

But yes, by all means, just ignore & move on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

I wouldn’t stop moaning with you…

* Nearly, needs work

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"There are cliques on here and Tom can say he is not a member of that clique.. any clique that has Tom as a member is not worth joining...

I'm agreeing with Tom twice in a week. The world is definitely about to end

Will everyone stop agreeing with Tom..

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Hello lovely Red…

Such a level headed, uncomplicated wise woman

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I think it's a natural reaction to threads that attract the perceived popular crowd.

Thanks Swing.

I don't know whose fault it is tbh. I just refuse to engage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to say but no you can’t I been checked out for a little while so really don’t care any more

It’s a toxic pool off people who clame to be nice but aren’t if you have a different option from them

And starts from the top down

I have the proof in a tell all post that was done from a ex member off that toxic pool

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"I think it's a natural reaction to threads that attract the perceived popular crowd.

Thanks Swing.

I don't know whose fault it is tbh. I just refuse to engage

And long may that strategy last..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People join fab for many reasons, but social interaction on any level is a large part of it.

Whether it be the fantasists filling wank banks or attention seekers actively pursuing fabs, without the people behind the profiles, fab would be a barren landscape.

A majority want to be wanted. That heady rush that someone wants to rip your clothes off and ride you like a stolen moped.

There is someone for everyone, but more often than not they aren't where you are looking.

I'm in the older bracket and have been on and off fab for a looooong time.

Once I realised I'll appeal to a minority and would meet less than 1% of that, the pressure was off.

I can see fab in a different light.

The popular will be popular, the bold and beautiful will be (mainly ) out of reach, and there will always be an air of clique wherever you have a group of humans.

We can't appeal to all, and I sure as hell don't want to be a pity fuck in the name of inclusivity.

All you can do is be you and hope that is enough. Never change to be what you think others want you to be.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

I hear you. And I thought that a few months ago. But no, the "be more inclusive" protests and the backlash against "popular" folk continues. Hence my thread.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I feel for people that feel they don't get noticed or who feel left out but I feel that complaining and bad mouthing those they perceive as "popular" is unlikely to get them the kind of attention they so desire.

I think sometimes a little perspective can be lost. It's just an internet forum of perverts after all. The forums are barely a huge deal on Fab, nevermind in real life. As the gambling adverts say "when the fun stops, stop."

For anyone who does feel in the need of a little more fab attention, it's far easier to stand out posting utterly rediculous, joke photos than it is posting the sexy ones

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Proper clique this thread. I'm leaving.

Joking of course... who cares who you do or do not interact with? "

It would appear that a lot of folk do! I mean, it won't change who I chat to or how I post, I just wanted to put it out there. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am I inclusive if I hate everyone the same?

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

It’s part of the swing(er)s and roundabouts of Fab. Pendulum swing this way, then thattaway. All has its place.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

I hear you. And I thought that a few months ago. But no, the "be more inclusive" protests and the backlash against "popular" folk continues. Hence my thread. "

Huge difference between so called popular folk and the clique

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I feel for people that feel they don't get noticed or who feel left out but I feel that complaining and bad mouthing those they perceive as "popular" is unlikely to get them the kind of attention they so desire.

For anyone who does feel in the need of a little more fab attention, it's far easier to stand out posting utterly rediculous, joke photos than it is posting the sexy ones

! "

This!! Exactly this, Lacey! Xx

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

[Removed by poster at 24/05/22 19:42:26]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/05/22 19:42:27]

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Am I inclusive if I hate everyone the same?

Yup, I'd say your super inclusive.

Hang on, does that mean I have to dislike you, now? Damn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

I hear you. And I thought that a few months ago. But no, the "be more inclusive" protests and the backlash against "popular" folk continues. Hence my thread. "

It's a burden being so popular, I hear ya!

I just interact with the funny people, it's not my fault there isn't many about.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I avoid quite a few threads especially the popular ones, who’s the hottest etc…

I don’t even join the TV/TS appreciation threads as I don’t want to limit myself to certain types of discussion or ‘look at me threads’.

I’m more than the image and category (TV/TS) I’m in, prefer films, music and news stories threads

Even the threads started by Tom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am I inclusive if I hate everyone the same?

Yup, I'd say your super inclusive.

Hang on, does that mean I have to dislike you, now? Damn.

Disliking is for the weak. I want full blown hatred.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I think it's a natural reaction to threads that attract the perceived popular crowd.

Thanks Swing.

I don't know whose fault it is tbh. I just refuse to engage

And that's absolutely fine.i respect you for that

But more for the fact that you don't spout nonsense xx

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

[Removed by poster at 24/05/22 19:46:51]

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Hello lovely Red…

Such a level headed, uncomplicated wise woman

See, I knew you'd be with me DC! And guess what? We may neither of us suffer fools, but we're still pretty nice people

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"I avoid quite a few threads especially the popular ones, who’s the hottest etc…

I don’t even join the TV/TS appreciation threads as I don’t want to limit myself to certain types of discussion or ‘look at me threads’.

I’m more than the image and category (TV/TS) I’m in, prefer films, music and news stories threads

Even the threads started by Tom

Tom's threads are for the few and not the many...

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Of course I agree with Red and Nora because I am cliquey, sycophanty and white knighty. And an oldie.

No. Seriously I do but for only three of those reasons.

I agree with everything you say, Jimbo. You're always right

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Hello lovely Red…

Such a level headed, uncomplicated wise woman

See, I knew you'd be with me DC! And guess what? We may neither of us suffer fools, but we're still pretty nice people

On the same page

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Yes

Count me in.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"People join fab for many reasons, but social interaction on any level is a large part of it.

Whether it be the fantasists filling wank banks or attention seekers actively pursuing fabs, without the people behind the profiles, fab would be a barren landscape.

A majority want to be wanted. That heady rush that someone wants to rip your clothes off and ride you like a stolen moped.

There is someone for everyone, but more often than not they aren't where you are looking.

I'm in the older bracket and have been on and off fab for a looooong time.

Once I realised I'll appeal to a minority and would meet less than 1% of that, the pressure was off.

I can see fab in a different light.

The popular will be popular, the bold and beautiful will be (mainly ) out of reach, and there will always be an air of clique wherever you have a group of humans.

We can't appeal to all, and I sure as hell don't want to be a pity fuck in the name of inclusivity.

All you can do is be you and hope that is enough. Never change to be what you think others want you to be.

I like this mindset & subscribe to it wholeheartedly. Very well put xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People have hang ups about many things, silly things like the size of their breast or their looks in general.

Though the forums can be a very friendly place, it isn't to all.

Feeling we fit in and belong is important to many.

Do you, be you but don't invalidate the feelings of others if you don't understand.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

I hear you. And I thought that a few months ago. But no, the "be more inclusive" protests and the backlash against "popular" folk continues. Hence my thread.

It's a burden being so popular, I hear ya!

I just interact with the funny people, it's not my fault there isn't many about. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't believe there are any cliques. Some people are more easily noticed/liked is all. We occasionally appear in the kind of threads that get accused of being only for the clique but in no way do either of us want to be in a clique, feel we are in one or even know who the rest of the clique is.

If you would like to be included more in the forums my advice would be talking lots of nonsense like me or just being a perfectly adorable, lovely, kind beautiful soul like her ladyship - this second approach deffo works better but is arguably harder to achieve.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"People have hang ups about many things, silly things like the size of their breast or their looks in general.

Though the forums can be a very friendly place, it isn't to all.

Feeling we fit in and belong is important to many.

Do you, be you but don't invalidate the feelings of others if you don't understand.

That's what the clique do sadly..

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I don't have the capacity to work out who's popular and who's in any kind of clique.

Some people post more than others, and some people are obviously friends in real life. Lots of people meet at the big socials.

I'm never going to be in any of those groups so I don't really care

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"There are cliques on here and Tom can say he is not a member of that clique.. any clique that has Tom as a member is not worth joining...

I'm agreeing with Tom twice in a week. The world is definitely about to end

Will everyone stop agreeing with Tom..

We agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to say but no you can’t I been checked out for a little while so really don’t care any more

It’s a toxic pool off people who clame to be nice but aren’t if you have a different option from them

And starts from the top down

I have the proof in a tell all post that was done from a ex member off that toxic pool "

The Forum Favourites.....

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Can someone send me a full list of the clique members please so I can assess the situation.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Am I inclusive if I hate everyone the same?

Yup, I'd say your super inclusive.

Hang on, does that mean I have to dislike you, now? Damn.

Disliking is for the weak. I want full blown hatred."

I'm not sure I can jump straight to hatred if we've not interacted before. Maybe a tad disdainful - will that do?

Unless you like the Beatles. Then you're fucking dead to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People have hang ups about many things, silly things like the size of their breast or their looks in general.

Though the forums can be a very friendly place, it isn't to all.

Feeling we fit in and belong is important to many.

Do you, be you but don't invalidate the feelings of others if you don't understand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am I inclusive if I hate everyone the same?

Yup, I'd say your super inclusive.

Hang on, does that mean I have to dislike you, now? Damn.

Disliking is for the weak. I want full blown hatred.

I'm not sure I can jump straight to hatred if we've not interacted before. Maybe a tad disdainful - will that do?

Unless you like the Beatles. Then you're fucking dead to me

Fucking love the beatles

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"People have hang ups about many things, silly things like the size of their breast or their looks in general.

Though the forums can be a very friendly place, it isn't to all.

Feeling we fit in and belong is important to many.

Do you, be you but don't invalidate the feelings of others if you don't understand.

And that is very much how I try to be. Indeed, it's how we should all be. Xx

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I don’t really know what you mean, your right to call out idiots etc ? It ignore people completely?

I just generally ignore those types of threads / people or occasionally speak my mind but never check back to see if it offended them or not because I honestly don’t really care

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't believe there are any cliques. Some people are more easily noticed/liked is all. We occasionally appear in the kind of threads that get accused of being only for the clique but in no way do either of us want to be in a clique, feel we are in one or even know who the rest of the clique is.

There 100% is and starts with admin and down there was a tell all post done by a ex member

I have proof

Even proof off admin going in screen shooting people pms and sending them to a private group off toxic people

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"There are cliques on here and Tom can say he is not a member of that clique.. any clique that has Tom as a member is not worth joining...

I'm agreeing with Tom twice in a week. The world is definitely about to end

Will everyone stop agreeing with Tom..

We agree

Not you again...

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Can someone send me a full list of the clique members please so I can assess the situation. "

Magneto

Magneto in a wig

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

I blame it on the Illuminati

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

I'm still waiting for the list of The Clique to be published.....am I even on it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

everyone should use Fab in the way that works for them. Nobody owes anyone anything, do it your way in ways that please you!

The recent threads have been interesting and enlightening.

The Popularlity reaffirming threads will always reaffirm the popularity of the same handful of people, they always have and they always will. The core of popularity changes over time, but at any one time there will be about 10 to 15 “faves” that get multiple mentions and everyone else is largely overlooked.

It’s ALWAYS been like that, and always will. Everyone knows the rule of the game, and if they don’t want to play along with it, then don’t join the thread!

Someone else hit the nail on the head in another thread, those that are popular and always get mentioned say there isn’t a problem, and those that don’t say there is.

As the OP says, reply and speak to who you want!

My take? The site is full of cliques (definition: a closed group with common interests and friendships often at the exclusion of others). However cliques exist through society, always have, always will.

It becomes destructive when people want to join in an participate but are deliberately shunned or ignored, or where people use their friendship groups to pile on to someone they don’t like or disagree with. THAT has happened a few times over the year for sure

But yes, OP, I wholeheartedly agree with you, only engage with those you want to, there’s no obligation to do otherwise

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Am I inclusive if I hate everyone the same?

Yup, I'd say your super inclusive.

Hang on, does that mean I have to dislike you, now? Damn.

#fuckingdeadtome

Disliking is for the weak. I want full blown hatred.

I'm not sure I can jump straight to hatred if we've not interacted before. Maybe a tad disdainful - will that do?

Unless you like the Beatles. Then you're fucking dead to me

Fucking love the beatles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People have hang ups about many things, silly things like the size of their breast or their looks in general.

Though the forums can be a very friendly place, it isn't to all.

Feeling we fit in and belong is important to many.

Do you, be you but don't invalidate the feelings of others if you don't understand.

And that is very much how I try to be. Indeed, it's how we should all be. Xx"

I wasn't aiming directly at you, though was answering what do I think.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Sorry to say but no you can’t I been checked out for a little while so really don’t care any more

It’s a toxic pool off people who clame to be nice but aren’t if you have a different option from them

And starts from the top down

I have the proof in a tell all post that was done from a ex member off that toxic pool "

A tell all expose. Are they going to go fab public?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm still waiting for the list of The Clique to be published.....am I even on it?

Platinum Members see everything. It appears as a

next to their name in the forums...

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

For anyone who does feel in the need of a little more fab attention, it's far easier to stand out posting utterly rediculous, joke photos than it is posting the sexy ones

! "

Agreed. This is a tiny corner of a tiny website on the vast internet. Being popular on here really doesn’t mean anything!

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I don’t really know what you mean, your right to call out idiots etc ? It ignore people completely?

I just generally ignore those types of threads / people or occasionally speak my mind but never check back to see if it offended them or not because I honestly don’t really care "

I didn't say I ignore people completely. On the rare occasion I start a thread, I reply to everyone. I meant, for the "popularity" threads, IF I join in I'll say who I actually fancy. I won't say I fancy Kevin from Inverkeithing because Kevin is moaning that no one fancies him.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Can someone send me a full list of the clique members please so I can assess the situation.

Magneto

Magneto in a wig"

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

For anyone who does feel in the need of a little more fab attention, it's far easier to stand out posting utterly rediculous, joke photos than it is posting the sexy ones

Agreed. This is a tiny corner of a tiny website on the vast internet. Being popular on here really doesn’t mean anything! "

It does to some...

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

I'm still waiting for the list of The Clique to be published.....am I even on it?

Platinum Members see everything. It appears as a

next to their name in the forums..."

Dammit! How much does that cost?

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"People have hang ups about many things, silly things like the size of their breast or their looks in general.

Though the forums can be a very friendly place, it isn't to all.

Feeling we fit in and belong is important to many.

Do you, be you but don't invalidate the feelings of others if you don't understand.

And that is very much how I try to be. Indeed, it's how we should all be. Xx

I wasn't aiming directly at you, though was answering what do I think.

Oh, I know sweetie. I didn't mean that how it came across - I was just agreeing with you xx

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Agreed. This is a tiny corner of a tiny website on the vast internet. Being popular on here really doesn’t mean anything! "

Exactly this...

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

One of the biggest forum issues is that some people confuse productivity with popularity.

I post on the forums most days but only in one or two threads.

Some people are surprised that as a result I don't get lots of messages and don't chat to lots of people.

When I ask why they would think that the answer is always "because you're popular on the forums!"

At the same time I'm not here to tell others how to run their profile even if they ask for advice. I'm not here to include people I've no interest in or nothing in common with.

I'm not here to entertain others.

I'm here for me and my own escapism and anyone who is traveling the same road and wants to share a lift then great they are welcome.

I'm not here for other people's drama but I get dragged into it every now and again and have to take a different direction to escape it.

All in all I'm happy with my pace and my experiences and while I'm happy for people to notice me and enjoy what I have to say, I can think of nothing worse than being in a popularity contest.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

OP, if my bro manages to turn up before the middle of the night, d'ya wanna have an in person "put the world to rights" sesh?! Can't leave Himself at the moment because he's had druuuuuuuugs and stuff at Chez NHS.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm still waiting for the list of The Clique to be published.....am I even on it?

Platinum Members see everything. It appears as a

next to their name in the forums...

Dammit! How much does that cost?

Just your soul.... muahahahaha

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

There 100% is and starts with admin and down there was a tell all post done by a ex member

I have proof

Even proof off admin going in screen shooting people pms and sending them to a private group off toxic people

Natalie, I feel you're going off subject here. The thread you keep referring to was removed because it broke more than a few forum rules.

I'm talking about forum users, not Admin.

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

"I don’t really know what you mean, your right to call out idiots etc ? It ignore people completely?

I just generally ignore those types of threads / people or occasionally speak my mind but never check back to see if it offended them or not because I honestly don’t really care

That's because Kevin's not in the clique

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"OP, if my bro manages to turn up before the middle of the night, d'ya wanna have an in person "put the world to rights" sesh?! Can't leave Himself at the moment because he's had druuuuuuuugs and stuff at Chez NHS."

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Can someone send me a full list of the clique members please so I can assess the situation. "

You’d need a massive police crime scene type of board to work that out with all the strings and pins. (Oooh that sounds a bit kinky).

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Can someone send me a full list of the clique members please so I can assess the situation.

Magneto

Magneto in a wig"

Hmm, this is going to take longer than I thought to dissect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s going to sting my arse in the morning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am I inclusive if I hate everyone the same?

Yup, I'd say your super inclusive.

Hang on, does that mean I have to dislike you, now? Damn.

Disliking is for the weak. I want full blown hatred.

I'm not sure I can jump straight to hatred if we've not interacted before. Maybe a tad disdainful - will that do?

Unless you like the Beatles. Then you're fucking dead to me

Let it Be, OP

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Can someone send me a full list of the clique members please so I can assess the situation.

You’d need a massive police crime scene type of board to work that out with all the strings and pins. (Oooh that sounds a bit kinky). "

Got the pot of coffee on.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I don't have the capacity to work out who's popular and who's in any kind of clique.

Some people post more than others, and some people are obviously friends in real life. Lots of people meet at the big socials.

I'm never going to be in any of those groups so I don't really care

This. I've been using the forum for almost 2 yrs now so am friendly & have met a number of people on here. Yes, I interact with them. A lot. They're my mates. I put time & effort into meeting them, so why wouldn't I?

I've not met you but from your posts you seem lovely xx

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Can you simplify your question for me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to say but no you can’t I been checked out for a little while so really don’t care any more

It’s a toxic pool off people who clame to be nice but aren’t if you have a different option from them

And starts from the top down

I have the proof in a tell all post that was done from a ex member off that toxic pool

A tell all expose. Are they going to go fab public?

They did was done late at night

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I was thinking something similar this morning Red.

Inclusivity is used so often as being such a positive thing but inclusiveness for the sake of it is potentially just grandstanding to the forums and could be a form of virtue signaling.

Ironically I’ve been accused of being both non inclusive and very inclusive in the space of a couple of days, even though I’ve not done anything different!

Upon reflection, we’re all people, whether we post a lot or occasionally, I react to those that I agree with, disagree with or those that catch my eye for whatever reason.

It’s no ones job to make someone else feel part the forums but the forums will be a graveyard if new people don’t join in, so where’s the balance?

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"One of the biggest forum issues is that some people confuse productivity with popularity.

I post on the forums most days but only in one or two threads.

Some people are surprised that as a result I don't get lots of messages and don't chat to lots of people.

When I ask why they would think that the answer is always "because you're popular on the forums!"

At the same time I'm not here to tell others how to run their profile even if they ask for advice. I'm not here to include people I've no interest in or nothing in common with.

I'm not here to entertain others.

I'm here for me and my own escapism and anyone who is traveling the same road and wants to share a lift then great they are welcome.

I'm not here for other people's drama but I get dragged into it every now and again and have to take a different direction to escape it.

All in all I'm happy with my pace and my experiences and while I'm happy for people to notice me and enjoy what I have to say, I can think of nothing worse than being in a popularity contest.

And you're in a different country lol

I think alot of people only message those who they have an intention of meeting?

You always have very wise words though

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

For anyone who does feel in the need of a little more fab attention, it's far easier to stand out posting utterly rediculous, joke photos than it is posting the sexy ones

Agreed. This is a tiny corner of a tiny website on the vast internet. Being popular on here really doesn’t mean anything! "

It really doesn't, does it?

I'm me. Like me or not - and plenty do like me

. I'll only care if you don't like me if you're my friend or someone I look up to. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There 100% is and starts with admin and down there was a tell all post done by a ex member

I have proof

Even proof off admin going in screen shooting people pms and sending them to a private group off toxic people

Natalie, I feel you're going off subject here. The thread you keep referring to was removed because it broke more than a few forum rules.

I'm talking about forum users, not Admin.

What going off subject because the truth comeing out

I have sat back and watch I have sat and been bullyed for have a different opinion time everyone should know about how these nice people aren’t so nice

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Thanks for post, Red. I must confess I've found the many and various recent threads a bit hard going, but we can all just 'vote with our feet' (or fingers I guess) on threads we don't like and just ignore them.

Like you, this place is just a bit of fun for me, but inclusivity to me means we can all be here, and be ourselves (within the rules etc, and if you're a racist/sexist I'd rather you weren't yourself, but that's a different question).

But it doesn't mean every post you post has to be replied to or that you have to get mentions on the various ooft/you're hot threads. People that do can't help that others mention them - beautiful people get noticed, we just can't help it. Sorry, they can't help it!

And it also doesn't mean we can complain about groups of people who know each other chatting to each other. Inclusion being making sure that no-one is actively excluded (which I've not seen - and I've felt very welcome in the short time I've been here) and we all have equal access, even if we all have subtly different experiences.

My take anyway. Here endeth the sermon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are those that make a point of interacting with particular for unites and there are those that get ignored which irritates them there are some in the middle who post, get ignored and don’t particular care if interaction occurs. Whether there is a clique or not remains a debatable point - Bob

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"I don't have the capacity to work out who's popular and who's in any kind of clique.

Some people post more than others, and some people are obviously friends in real life. Lots of people meet at the big socials.

I'm never going to be in any of those groups so I don't really care

I've not met you but from your posts you seem lovely xx"

Aww thank you! That's very kind.

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By *nexpectedExplorerMan
over a year ago

SA3

"Hello Fabbers.

I've not been on here much lately (other than the trusty Nocturnal - howdo Jim & Ash!) as I'm not enjoying it as much.

Fab for me is fun. I don't take it seriously. It's for flirting, silliness & finding like-minded folk & making connections.

But lately all I'm seeing is folk moaning about perceived "cliques", "popularity threads" or a lack of "inclusivity".

As long as I follow forum rules and don't deliberately put you down, etc., I can hold to my own truth, no?

What do you all think?

Spot on

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"One of the biggest forum issues is that some people confuse productivity with popularity.

I post on the forums most days but only in one or two threads.

Some people are surprised that as a result I don't get lots of messages and don't chat to lots of people.

When I ask why they would think that the answer is always "because you're popular on the forums!"

At the same time I'm not here to tell others how to run their profile even if they ask for advice. I'm not here to include people I've no interest in or nothing in common with.

I'm not here to entertain others.

I'm here for me and my own escapism and anyone who is traveling the same road and wants to share a lift then great they are welcome.

I'm not here for other people's drama but I get dragged into it every now and again and have to take a different direction to escape it.

All in all I'm happy with my pace and my experiences and while I'm happy for people to notice me and enjoy what I have to say, I can think of nothing worse than being in a popularity contest.

Spot on.

See? It's totally fine to use FAB for your own purposes.

I'll never get to hot pics and that's fine by me.

I'll never get hundreds of messages, that too is fine by me. Makes it easier to find & respond to the good ones.

Drama? Christ! I do not need that. X

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

For anyone who does feel in the need of a little more fab attention, it's far easier to stand out posting utterly rediculous, joke photos than it is posting the sexy ones

Agreed. This is a tiny corner of a tiny website on the vast internet. Being popular on here really doesn’t mean anything!

It really doesn't, does it?

I'm me. Like me or not - and plenty do like me

. I'll only care if you don't like me if you're my friend or someone I look up to. Xx"

Totally agree with this.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I can’t tell who I need to agree or disagree with to get laid! Surely it’s someone in here otherwise whats the fucking point?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I think...

It all seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. No, scratch that. Not a molehill. A thimble. One unnecessarily large mountain out of an elf's thimble.

The whole recent spout of threads surrounding it.

No one has to be anything, whether that's inclusive, kind or whatever. Sure, if you spout frequently about your inclusivity and are so far removed from it I may eyeroll hard but people are free to do as they wish. On the same hand, if people want to have a whinge about the same people taking over threads with in chats? Crack on.

It must be tough at times to feel invisible. Crap even. I don't want to dismiss those feelings because they're valid. Sucky. But honestly, I'd rather have honest posts (ha, yeah, let's go with "honest") compared to the facade of niceties. If you want things to be more inclusive? Be inclusive. There are very few inclusive posters on the forum - probably two. And do you know what? That's fine. More than fine.

The forum really is awfully cyclic, a similar thread was posted in the last year or so. There's so much more *out there* than spending too much negative energy on this small thing.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

The worst part about being “non-popular” is that most of you miss my amazing one liners

so please look out for my name on future threads, thank you

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"Am I inclusive if I hate everyone the same?

Yup, I'd say your super inclusive.

Hang on, does that mean I have to dislike you, now? Damn.

Disliking is for the weak. I want full blown hatred.

I'm not sure I can jump straight to hatred if we've not interacted before. Maybe a tad disdainful - will that do?

Unless you like the Beatles. Then you're fucking dead to me

My spirit animal. The Beatles are dull and overrated. There I said it, and in a public forum too. I'll get my coat...

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

For anyone who does feel in the need of a little more fab attention, it's far easier to stand out posting utterly rediculous, joke photos than it is posting the sexy ones

Agreed. This is a tiny corner of a tiny website on the vast internet. Being popular on here really doesn’t mean anything!

It really doesn't, does it?

I'm me. Like me or not - and plenty do like me

. I'll only care if you don't like me if you're my friend or someone I look up to. Xx"

You look up to me, mainly because you’re tiny

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Am I inclusive if I hate everyone the same?

Yup, I'd say your super inclusive.

Hang on, does that mean I have to dislike you, now? Damn.

Disliking is for the weak. I want full blown hatred.

I'm not sure I can jump straight to hatred if we've not interacted before. Maybe a tad disdainful - will that do?

Unless you like the Beatles. Then you're fucking dead to me

Let it Be, OP

Hey you, get offa my cloud!

(So much better, no?)

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By *itygamesMan
over a year ago

from what i can make out fab is about men trying there best to get a female to watch him cum on cam...a small minority meet and go to clubs and a small minority with manners chat between each other respectably in the forums

loads of men pretending to be a couple or single female and as ive read , lots of fake profiles whatever they are.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

Dunno if I'm popular with anyone, certainly don't want to be part of any clique. I occasionally throw something in on the fun threads, I more often write boring screeds when I feel that I've got something worth saying on more serious matters.

I certainly appreciate the friends that I've made through fab and through social parties, and will be forever grateful for the support that I've received on a number of occasions when I've been at my lowest and reached out on the forums. I'm sure that there are cliques and favourites and little private groups that gossip, but fab is a big enough venue for lots of different types of people that want to use it in different ways. If I see something that I'm not interested in, I just move on, life is too short to get worked up over something that doesn't concern me. If I see something that I happen to feel is offensive or attacking in a way that does affect me, then yes I'll probably get involved or maybe just report it.

I don't feel that every thread has to be inclusive of me, and I don't feel that every thread I start has to be inclusive of everyone. It is an open debating ground though, anyone can make a comment, nobody has any obligation to agree with what others say. I do prefer when converse can be kept civilized and doesn't degenerate into school playground level squabbles, but if it does then I can just leave...

It's nice for my ego if I do get positive responses; but if not then there's no point in me getting upset and threatening to hold my breath until I turn blue

Damn, I've forgotten what the topic was now, which tells me that this screed has definitely gone on too long. Time to close with peace and love, or in the immortal words of Bill S Preston Esq. - "Be Excellent To Each Other".

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx"

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

When people see exchanges such as this on the forum, I can understand why some moan about it not being very inclusive.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I was thinking something similar this morning Red.

Inclusivity is used so often as being such a positive thing but inclusiveness for the sake of it is potentially just grandstanding to the forums and could be a form of virtue signaling.

Ironically I’ve been accused of being both non inclusive and very inclusive in the space of a couple of days, even though I’ve not done anything different!

Upon reflection, we’re all people, whether we post a lot or occasionally, I react to those that I agree with, disagree with or those that catch my eye for whatever reason.

It’s no ones job to make someone else feel part the forums but the forums will be a graveyard if new people don’t join in, so where’s the balance? "

Hey Tea.

Firstly, it's not just newbies that are moaning about being ignored. Just as it's not just newbies that ARE ignored. I'm often ignored on threads - popularity ones & other types. That's life. I don't moan about it. If it bothers me, I'll put the the work in and fix it.

And the forum is constantly renewing. There are lots of folk that were here when I started but have left, and there are lots of new folk about now.

My friendship base has increased massively on here since I went to my first group social 8 months ago. I decided I needed to get to know more people, so off I went on the 90 minute drive - each way - where I knew not a soul. At the end of the evening not only had I had a fabulous evening, but I came away with some amazing friends.

So yes, what I say to the folk that are bothered is get off your arse & do something about it xx

Sorry. I waffled. But you get my gist xx

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

When people see exchanges such as this on the forum, I can understand why some moan about it not being very inclusive.

I'm presently about half a mile from the OPs house, which isn't a usual thing - I'm not a local resident. I've already stated further comms will come via a different route (not here). I've not ventured an opinion on the topic one way or the other. If that makes people feel uncomfortable, then I do apologise.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Am I inclusive if I hate everyone the same?

Yup, I'd say your super inclusive.

Hang on, does that mean I have to dislike you, now? Damn.

Disliking is for the weak. I want full blown hatred.

I'm not sure I can jump straight to hatred if we've not interacted before. Maybe a tad disdainful - will that do?

Unless you like the Beatles. Then you're fucking dead to me

My spirit animal. The Beatles are dull and overrated. There I said it, and in a public forum too. I'll get my coat..."

Those thighs & a Beatle hater - will you marry me?

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

When people see exchanges such as this on the forum, I can understand why some moan about it not being very inclusive.

Apology accepted, say no more and move on.. preferably in silence ...

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

Please do.

I'd hate you to be accused of taking over the thread, my lovely chum. X

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

"I don’t really know what you mean, your right to call out idiots etc ? It ignore people completely?

I just generally ignore those types of threads / people or occasionally speak my mind but never check back to see if it offended them or not because I honestly don’t really care

That's because Kevin's not in the clique

Poor old Kevin! Hung like a horse but all that anyone ever cares about is the Inverkeithing thing thing...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think...

It all seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. No, scratch that. Not a molehill. A thimble. One unnecessarily large mountain out of an elf's thimble.

The whole recent spout of threads surrounding it.

The forum really is awfully cyclic, a similar thread was posted in the last year or so. There's so much more *out there* than spending too much negative energy on this small thing.

This is my take on it too. I said similar earlier today about those who want inclusive also need to reflect on whether they are being inclusive to others and whether we could all do a little more. I know we can't be responsible for how others feel but we can all reflect a little, I have seen posts today from people not feeling validated and being shouted down, then there was threads taking the piss, unnecessary, nobody should feel like they are not being heard or be afraid of voicing there feelings because of repercussion.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

When people see exchanges such as this on the forum, I can understand why some moan about it not being very inclusive.

KC is my closest chum on Fab.

We met through the Nocturnal thread which is a regular nightly thread, open to all, that is very familiar. We're all used to chatting this way on that thread & it easily spills over onto other threads.

I don't think anyone else on this thread is surprised or offended by it, so I'm not sure why you felt the need to make it a thing?

But, as I say often. You do you

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"I don’t really know what you mean, your right to call out idiots etc ? It ignore people completely?

I just generally ignore those types of threads / people or occasionally speak my mind but never check back to see if it offended them or not because I honestly don’t really care

That's because Kevin's not in the clique

Poor old Kevin! Hung like a horse but all that anyone ever cares about is the Inverkeithing thing thing..."

I know. But I wish he'd stop with the "so hard to get a meet" threads...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

When people see exchanges such as this on the forum, I can understand why some moan about it not being very inclusive.

Is your private message function broken?

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

When people see exchanges such as this on the forum, I can understand why some moan about it not being very inclusive.

KC is my closest chum on Fab.

I don't think anyone else on this thread is surprised or offended by it, so I'm not sure why you felt the need to make it a thing?

But, as I say often. You do you

I'm in no way offended. Just a casual observation

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"from what i can make out fab is about men trying there best to get a female to watch him cum on cam...a small minority meet and go to clubs and a small minority with manners chat between each other respectably in the forums

loads of men pretending to be a couple or single female and as ive read , lots of fake profiles whatever they are."

You and I seem to have a different version of FAB

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

When people see exchanges such as this on the forum, I can understand why some moan about it not being very inclusive.

Is your private message function broken?

Yes. It has a big yellow box with the number 8 on it. I'll be damned if I know how to fix it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/05/22 21:01:29]

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

I think its been said before but the inclusive thing can be quite moot when you make a comment and a few moments later someone makes the same comment and all their 'mates' reply to that one on how amazing it is and ignore the original comment that was exactly the same, it makes people feel invisible and think why do I bother if im going to be constantly ignored \

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Snap!

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden

I love the aroma of freshly baked bread.

I love the aromitised scent of freshly plucked basil.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Snap!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do make a big effort to be inclusive - unless I'm really busy or I can see it filling up quickly and want to leave room for other posters I tend to try and reply to everyone who posts on my threads.

I don't do this to be inclusive for the sake of it, but rather because I've felt invisible before, both on here and in real life, and it fucking SUCKS. I'm one of those people that overthinks everything and not being replied to or acknowledged makes me anxious. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault, it's my issue to deal with and my thread last night didn't put any blame on any group of people. It was just a place for people who felt a little invisible to converge and get some love, and I'm not sure why it got twisted so negatively but that's another matter. I just like to show people that I appreciate their time and contributions

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Snap!

The name change threw me a little. At first I was like

and then I was like

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I think...

It all seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. No, scratch that. Not a molehill. A thimble. One unnecessarily large mountain out of an elf's thimble.

The whole recent spout of threads surrounding it.

The forum really is awfully cyclic, a similar thread was posted in the last year or so. There's so much more *out there* than spending too much negative energy on this small thing.

I agree with you Dreavus. Not sure which threads you're referring to today, though so I can't comment.

But I've seen stuff recently myself where the "inclusive crowd" have been less than accepting of other folk. I think that's what gets my goat. Either practice what you preach or bog off, I say!

I will happily ignore folk I don't like, but I don't pretend otherwise, so I'm good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Snap!

The name change threw me a little. At first I was like

and then I was like

Keep up

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Snap!

The name change threw me a little. At first I was like

and then I was like

Keep up

Just happy I didn’t make myself look like a tit

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I think...

It all seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. No, scratch that. Not a molehill. A thimble. One unnecessarily large mountain out of an elf's thimble.

The whole recent spout of threads surrounding it.

The forum really is awfully cyclic, a similar thread was posted in the last year or so. There's so much more *out there* than spending too much negative energy on this small thing.

Yep. It's quite shitty behaviour to do that. I do think we could all do a little more - whether that's to be inclusive, respond to words not the poster, not make personal attacks, not gang up on posters... it's not a Utopian society sadly. I'm glad we're on the same wavelength - it's a tough life being as epic as us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think...

It all seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. No, scratch that. Not a molehill. A thimble. One unnecessarily large mountain out of an elf's thimble.

The whole recent spout of threads surrounding it.

The forum really is awfully cyclic, a similar thread was posted in the last year or so. There's so much more *out there* than spending too much negative energy on this small thing.

I agree with you Dreavus. Not sure which threads you're referring to today, though so I can't comment.

But I've seen stuff recently myself where the "inclusive crowd" have been less than accepting of other folk. I think that's what gets my goat. Either practice what you preach or bog off, I say!

I will happily ignore folk I don't like, but I don't pretend otherwise, so I'm good

Exactly that, be inclusive or don't but don't preach it when you don't do it, it seems to have replaced 'be kind' as an empty mantra xx

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By *tinerant scribeMan
over a year ago

County Durham

Nice use of "trope"!

"Hello Fabbers.

I've not been on here much lately (other than the trusty Nocturnal - howdo Jim & Ash!) as I'm not enjoying it as much.

Fab for me is fun. I don't take it seriously. It's for flirting, silliness & finding like-minded folk & making connections.

But lately all I'm seeing is folk moaning about perceived "cliques", "popularity threads" or a lack of "inclusivity".

As long as I follow forum rules and don't deliberately put you down, etc., I can hold to my own truth, no?

What do you all think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes the forums are a bit crap and, you're right, they're not fun.

When that happens, I log off and read Viz instead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think...

It all seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. No, scratch that. Not a molehill. A thimble. One unnecessarily large mountain out of an elf's thimble.

The whole recent spout of threads surrounding it.

The forum really is awfully cyclic, a similar thread was posted in the last year or so. There's so much more *out there* than spending too much negative energy on this small thing.

Spot on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think...

It all seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. No, scratch that. Not a molehill. A thimble. One unnecessarily large mountain out of an elf's thimble.

The whole recent spout of threads surrounding it.

The forum really is awfully cyclic, a similar thread was posted in the last year or so. There's so much more *out there* than spending too much negative energy on this small thing.

Epic and inclusive

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I think its been said before but the inclusive thing can be quite moot when you make a comment and a few moments later someone makes the same comment and all their 'mates' reply to that one on how amazing it is and ignore the original comment that was exactly the same, it makes people feel invisible and think why do I bother if im going to be constantly ignored \

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing"

I've seen you say something similar on another thread, but I can honestly say I've never seen what played out on the forum. Bit then, I'm not on all the time...

Don't be offended, but do you think it's because you are no longer as "popular" as you once were that you're not being responded to? I'm saying this because you've raised this yourself, now that you're in a relationship you don't get the attention you used to.

If that's the case, were you happy to accept it happening when you did perceive yourself as popular?

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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing"

Felt that wee sting many times. That’s the clique/chase kicking in. Skin is now thick enough not to give it a second thought. Join the thick skin clique

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I do make a big effort to be inclusive - unless I'm really busy or I can see it filling up quickly and want to leave room for other posters I tend to try and reply to everyone who posts on my threads.

You're threads are lovely & fun.

If you're inclusive you're doing it effortlessly. And that's how it should be done.

I'm a fan xx

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"There's so much more *out there* than spending too much negative energy on this small thing.

Spot on

Mr"

I got a thumbs up from you! Win. What a win.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

This really is the answer. All it takes is one person to mention it and then it spawns numerous replies, arguments and spin-off threads on both sides. If everyone ignored the initial comment, it would go away instantly but people love to bite instead.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

I've seen you say something similar on another thread, but I can honestly say I've never seen what played out on the forum. Bit then, I'm not on all the time...

If that's the case, were you happy to accept it happening when you did perceive yourself as popular?

Where did I say this was about me?

It's a mere observation from what I've seen happening on certain threads with a lot of people and how they comment after seeing their comments ignored.

I know for a fact I don't get replied to because I'm now in a relationship and I'm seen as 'off limits' or previous people I chatted to disappeared because of that.

And I've never seen myself as 'popular' as you put it

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I think...

It all seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. No, scratch that. Not a molehill. A thimble. One unnecessarily large mountain out of an elf's thimble.

The whole recent spout of threads surrounding it.

The forum really is awfully cyclic, a similar thread was posted in the last year or so. There's so much more *out there* than spending too much negative energy on this small thing.

I agree with you Dreavus. Not sure which threads you're referring to today, though so I can't comment.

But I've seen stuff recently myself where the "inclusive crowd" have been less than accepting of other folk. I think that's what gets my goat. Either practice what you preach or bog off, I say!

I will happily ignore folk I don't like, but I don't pretend otherwise, so I'm good

Exactly that, be inclusive or don't but don't preach it when you don't do it, it seems to have replaced 'be kind' as an empty mantra xx"

It really has in my eyes, Dreavus.

I don't pretend to like everybody - how the hell can you like everybody? - but I try to ignore when they wind me up. Occasionally folk will get to me & I'll bite, but I don't pretend to be perfect. But then I'll take myself off & have something to eat & forget about it. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

Do you love to bite??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

I've seen you say something similar on another thread, but I can honestly say I've never seen what played out on the forum. Bit then, I'm not on all the time...

If that's the case, were you happy to accept it happening when you did perceive yourself as popular?

Where did I say this was about me?

It's a mere observation from what I've seen happening on certain threads with a lot of people and how they comment after seeing their comments ignored.

I know for a fact I don't get replied to because I'm now in a relationship and I'm seen as 'off limits' or previous people I chatted to disappeared because of that.

And I've never seen myself as 'popular' as you put it "

I agree to some degree, I’ve seen posters ignored even though their contributions to the thread have been worthy of a comment.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

Felt that wee sting many times. That’s the clique/chase kicking in. Skin is now thick enough not to give it a second thought. Join the thick skin clique

Oh I'm way past caring now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

Do you love to bite??

I don't bite... Unless you want me nope, can't bring myself to finish that sentence

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

I've seen you say something similar on another thread, but I can honestly say I've never seen what played out on the forum. Bit then, I'm not on all the time...

If that's the case, were you happy to accept it happening when you did perceive yourself as popular?

Where did I say this was about me?

It's a mere observation from what I've seen happening on certain threads with a lot of people and how they comment after seeing their comments ignored.

I know for a fact I don't get replied to because I'm now in a relationship and I'm seen as 'off limits' or previous people I chatted to disappeared because of that.

And I've never seen myself as 'popular' as you put it "

Well, I just assumed you were referring to yourself, as that's how it read. If that's not the case, apologies.

But then you've qualified your statement by reiterating that you're no longer replied to as you're seen as being "off limits" now, so I'm a little confused as you your point..

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

What qualifies someone as being part of the clique?

Are they the popular forumites? If so, how are we classifying popular?

Are they the long standing forumites?

Are they forumites who know each other?

Are they the ones who start threads all the time?

Because for every forumite who is perceived to be in the clique there are lots of other, regular posters who just go about their day, doing their own thing, just happily chatting shit.

I’m not sure what my point is, but to those who feel there is a clique, if someone doesn’t float your boat don’t write off everyone just because of your experiences of a few. Give the rest a chance.

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By *ammo89Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

To be honest, there are no signs of any cliques on here. Any new person in the forum who asks for profile advice or generally introduces themselves as being new gets a warm welcome and a lot of engagement from everyone.

I think some people are getting cliques and friendships/acquaintances mixed up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

I've seen you say something similar on another thread, but I can honestly say I've never seen what played out on the forum. Bit then, I'm not on all the time...

If that's the case, were you happy to accept it happening when you did perceive yourself as popular?

Where did I say this was about me?

It's a mere observation from what I've seen happening on certain threads with a lot of people and how they comment after seeing their comments ignored.

I know for a fact I don't get replied to because I'm now in a relationship and I'm seen as 'off limits' or previous people I chatted to disappeared because of that.

And I've never seen myself as 'popular' as you put it

I agree to some degree, I’ve seen posters ignored even though their contributions to the thread have been worthy of a comment. "

Agree with this

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Sometimes the forums are a bit crap and, you're right, they're not fun.

When that happens, I log off and read Viz instead. "

This. This is what we should all do.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

I've seen you say something similar on another thread, but I can honestly say I've never seen what played out on the forum. Bit then, I'm not on all the time...

If that's the case, were you happy to accept it happening when you did perceive yourself as popular?

Where did I say this was about me?

It's a mere observation from what I've seen happening on certain threads with a lot of people and how they comment after seeing their comments ignored.

I know for a fact I don't get replied to because I'm now in a relationship and I'm seen as 'off limits' or previous people I chatted to disappeared because of that.

And I've never seen myself as 'popular' as you put it

Well, I just assumed you were referring to yourself, as that's how it read. If that's not the case, apologies.

But then you've qualified your statement by reiterating that you're no longer replied to as you're seen as being "off limits" now, so I'm a little confused as you your point..

I was just simply replying to your question about me not getting attention as well

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"The worst part about being “non-popular” is that most of you miss my amazing one liners

so please look out for my name on future threads, thank you

I've missed your one liners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

Do you love to bite??

I don't bite... Unless you want me nope, can't bring myself to finish that sentence

Want me to help you finish?

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes the forums are a bit crap and, you're right, they're not fun.

When that happens, I log off and read Viz instead.

This. This is what we should all do.

xx"

Log off? Yes we should. On the count of 3?

Do we go on 3 or after 3?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're threads are lovely & fun.

If you're inclusive you're doing it effortlessly. And that's how it should be done.

I'm a fan xx"

Oh thank you, I'm glad someone enjoys them

Honestly most of the time I just take the piss or say whatever's on my mind (which is usually something dumb like whether people's titties flop about or not) and hope someone out of the 30k odd on here gets my humour

sometimes it seems to rub people up the wrong way or they take me more literally than I intended, but I try not to let it bother me too much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people stopped making threads about it, people would stop moaning about it.

Do you love to bite??

I don't bite... Unless you want me nope, can't bring myself to finish that sentence

Want me to help you finish?"

Go on, lend a hand although your lips may be more useful

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

Felt that wee sting many times. That’s the clique/chase kicking in. Skin is now thick enough not to give it a second thought. Join the thick skin clique

Oh, Jimbo. I feel you doth protest too much

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"Sometimes the forums are a bit crap and, you're right, they're not fun.

When that happens, I log off and read Viz instead.

This. This is what we should all do.

Log off? Yes we should. On the count of 3?

Do we go on 3 or after 3?

...3.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

I've seen you say something similar on another thread, but I can honestly say I've never seen what played out on the forum. Bit then, I'm not on all the time...

If that's the case, were you happy to accept it happening when you did perceive yourself as popular?

Where did I say this was about me?

It's a mere observation from what I've seen happening on certain threads with a lot of people and how they comment after seeing their comments ignored.

I know for a fact I don't get replied to because I'm now in a relationship and I'm seen as 'off limits' or previous people I chatted to disappeared because of that.

And I've never seen myself as 'popular' as you put it

I agree to some degree, I’ve seen posters ignored even though their contributions to the thread have been worthy of a comment. "

Comment on it then? I don't understand.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

I've seen you say something similar on another thread, but I can honestly say I've never seen what played out on the forum. Bit then, I'm not on all the time...

If that's the case, were you happy to accept it happening when you did perceive yourself as popular?

Where did I say this was about me?

It's a mere observation from what I've seen happening on certain threads with a lot of people and how they comment after seeing their comments ignored.

I know for a fact I don't get replied to because I'm now in a relationship and I'm seen as 'off limits' or previous people I chatted to disappeared because of that.

And I've never seen myself as 'popular' as you put it

I agree to some degree, I’ve seen posters ignored even though their contributions to the thread have been worthy of a comment. "

So have I.

And I've been that ignored person - oftentimes still am. Does it always bother the person though, 'cos I'm not really bothered. If I feel I have some wisdom to share I'll lay it out.

Maybe other folk are happy with that too & don't need the backup? X

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

I've seen you say something similar on another thread, but I can honestly say I've never seen what played out on the forum. Bit then, I'm not on all the time...

If that's the case, were you happy to accept it happening when you did perceive yourself as popular?

Where did I say this was about me?

It's a mere observation from what I've seen happening on certain threads with a lot of people and how they comment after seeing their comments ignored.

I know for a fact I don't get replied to because I'm now in a relationship and I'm seen as 'off limits' or previous people I chatted to disappeared because of that.

And I've never seen myself as 'popular' as you put it

Well, I just assumed you were referring to yourself, as that's how it read. If that's not the case, apologies.

But then you've qualified your statement by reiterating that you're no longer replied to as you're seen as being "off limits" now, so I'm a little confused as you your point..

I was just simply replying to your question about me not getting attention as well"

Ok. I guess my original reply stands then, as it seems you were talking about yourself then?

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"The worst part about being “non-popular” is that most of you miss my amazing one liners

so please look out for my name on future threads, thank you

I've missed your one liners

You’re a wonderful woman

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"What qualifies someone as being part of the clique?

Are they the popular forumites? If so, how are we classifying popular?

Are they the long standing forumites?

Are they forumites who know each other?

Are they the ones who start threads all the time?

Because for every forumite who is perceived to be in the clique there are lots of other, regular posters who just go about their day, doing their own thing, just happily chatting shit.

This is the age old question, is it?

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

When people see exchanges such as this on the forum, I can understand why some moan about it not being very inclusive.

KC is my closest chum on Fab.

I don't think anyone else on this thread is surprised or offended by it, so I'm not sure why you felt the need to make it a thing?

But, as I say often. You do you

If you were all seriously so oblivious you wouldn't make it through life.

The bullshit stinks.

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"To be honest, there are no signs of any cliques on here. Any new person in the forum who asks for profile advice or generally introduces themselves as being new gets a warm welcome and a lot of engagement from everyone.

I think some people are getting cliques and friendships/acquaintances mixed up

You're so right. And the more socials you go to or more folk you meet, the forum just becomes an extension of your friendship groups. Plus, for people like me, I'll see someone hot & immediately drop a flirty post at them.

Obviously, I'd not do this on a serious post or if I thought it was inappropriate. But that what I'm here for. If I don't get a reaction, I'll not bother them again.

By the way, shame you're so far away

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I don't come on much these days, but the clique threads are a regular feature. A bit like s, they disappear with treatment for a while but poking through the cracks again.

They create their own new clique for a while. Then a thread pops up about being left out of that one.

We're here to make connections, it's nice to be one of the in-group.

You don't have to like everyone, or be liked by them. Just mingle with the ones you want to, and don't be mean to people just testing the waters. You don't know if you don't like them in the beginning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My view is, people can include or not include whoever they feel like including or not including.

I get it can feel a bit shitty if someone feels they're deliberately being left out....but I personally don't feel it runs as deep as being something personal.

It's just choices.

And no I'm not in a clique. I have no friends apart from my cat.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ed Volupta OP Woman
over a year ago

Wirral.

God yes!!

I need your calm influence

I can even defrost brownies for us!!! Xx

Right! If he gets his bum down here in reasonable time, I'm yours

Shall communicate further by ye olde SMS

When people see exchanges such as this on the forum, I can understand why some moan about it not being very inclusive.

KC is my closest chum on Fab.

I don't think anyone else on this thread is surprised or offended by it, so I'm not sure why you felt the need to make it a thing?

But, as I say often. You do you

If you were all seriously so oblivious you wouldn't make it through life.

The bullshit stinks. "

I'm obviously just careful who I choose to interact with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/05/22 21:59:21]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bullshit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been quietly reading through this thread OP not wanting to interact because it really isn’t my place or anybody else to say how you should use the forums but I have seen

Invalidation of opinions

Offensive comments qualified with ‘don’t be offended’ so therefore you know they would be offensive

And contradictions based on who you were replying to.

I’m not going to get drawn into this, and just remember that empathy is a wonderful thing in a world where we can all just be a little kinder to each other

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Yes it may not always be intentional but can't you see how it would feel like a personal thing

I've seen you say something similar on another thread, but I can honestly say I've never seen what played out on the forum. Bit then, I'm not on all the time...

If that's the case, were you happy to accept it happening when you did perceive yourself as popular?

Where did I say this was about me?

It's a mere observation from what I've seen happening on certain threads with a lot of people and how they comment after seeing their comments ignored.

I know for a fact I don't get replied to because I'm now in a relationship and I'm seen as 'off limits' or previous people I chatted to disappeared because of that.

And I've never seen myself as 'popular' as you put it

Well, I just assumed you were referring to yourself, as that's how it read. If that's not the case, apologies.

But then you've qualified your statement by reiterating that you're no longer replied to as you're seen as being "off limits" now, so I'm a little confused as you your point..

I was just simply replying to your question about me not getting attention as well

Ok. I guess my original reply stands then, as it seems you were talking about yourself then?

Nope as I said pure observations from reading threads

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

My final word on how I personally perceive cliques on here.

If I use the word it's to describe those who know who they are to borrow a well known fab phrase.

There are varying degrees of cliqueyness but the only ones I ever concern myself about are those who deliberately and wilfully exclude or antagonise.

I'm not bothered about being excluded or ignored by groups that I never had any interest in joining in the first place just as I'm not concerned about being rejected or ignored by individuals who are so far removed from what I am looking for anyway.

I don't expect everyone to be inclusive but I have come to learn that no matter what word people use on here to describe themselves in profiles or to defend themselves in a forum it's highly likely they are projecting a different image to the one they imagine.

Genuine, inclusive, discreet etc etc carry as much weight as describing yourself as an alpha or a gentleman.

If you have to tell others you are any of these things, you obviously aren't.

Actions always speak louder than words and if you act one way and expect people to treat you otherwise because of a few words, chances are you will be disappointed.

At the same time there are very many people who are shallow enough to ignore red flags and predatory behaviour simply because of a few words, usually in the form of a compliment.

Any form of validation is better than none for some people so they will happily sell out their granny for the right words.

You don't have to be cynical on here but it helps.

You don't have to follow roadsigns or warnings but if you choose to ignore them all and drive off a cliff or up a blind alley you give up the right to blame others for your poor choices.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What an entertaining read that was.

I’ve been quietly reading and not wanting to be drawn in but I just couldn’t resist having the last word with no possibility of any recourse by anyone I may choose to accuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What an entertaining read that was.

I’ve been quietly reading and not wanting to be drawn in but I just couldn’t resist having the last word with no possibility of any recourse by anyone I may choose to accuse.

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You sure about that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am.

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