FabSwingers.com forum: A thread for the sick and twisted, donot open if easily offended...its just for sick people.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well I did warn you, so lets see who still whinges....lets have your sickest and most twisted jokes in here, im running out of them lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still daren't.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"I still daren't.

"
lmao

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Surprise surprise notts was first to answer

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"I still daren't.

Us neither

we're brave, but not that brave

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

doh..heres mine.

My girlfriend is a filthy minx. When I come in her mouth she likes to blow bubbles, gargle it, let it dribble out of her mouth,down her chin and over her tits.

She may be paralysed, but deep down I know she loves it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I still daren't.

The timer is running.

3 posts to Notts ban and counting

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

lmao....scardy cats....whats the worst than can happen?...sits back and waits

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By *heekychezzaWoman
over a year ago

warrington

"lmao....scardy cats....whats the worst than can happen?...sits back and waits

well for Notts yet another enforced vacation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feckkkkkkk The gag is chaffin lol...

Noooooooooooooooooo

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By *imfromGlasgowMan
over a year ago

er...guess

"Well I did warn you, so lets see who still whinges....lets have your sickest and most twisted jokes in here, im running out of them lol"

You have to believe there's a joke about Andrew Lloyd Webber, prostate cancer and a holiday in Libya that someone's just itching to tell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

**** Cowers in terror waiting for the hamster/sellotape post ****

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not even gonna open this one now..

Nope...

Reformed see.... Ner x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well I did warn you, so lets see who still whinges....lets have your sickest and most twisted jokes in here, im running out of them lol

You have to believe there's a joke about Andrew Lloyd Webber, prostate cancer and a holiday in Libya that someone's just itching to tell

oh do tell, your allowed in here, its only for the sick and twisted

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

Whats the hardest part to eat of a cabbage???

The wheel chair.

**runs quickly away**

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By *imfromGlasgowMan
over a year ago

er...guess

"**** Cowers in terror waiting for the hamster/sellotape post ****

Isn't it the choirboy/ sellotape post that's the thread killer?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Whats the hardest part to eat of a cabbage???

The wheel chair.

**runs quickly away**"

wahoo, its the girls with balls tonight

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By *imfromGlasgowMan
over a year ago

er...guess

Follwing on from the colostomy thread I'm just surprised nobody has commented on the difficulty in getting shoes to match the bag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mentioned something in the colostomy thread... and that post vanished, you seriously think i'd risk it in the open air lol???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

grins

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"Follwing on from the colostomy thread I'm just surprised nobody has commented on the difficulty in getting shoes to match the bag."

Thats cos its full of shit!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I mentioned something in the colostomy thread... and that post vanished, you seriously think i'd risk it in the open air lol???

Just to clarify... For my own good!! And thank you.. you now who you are x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"doh..heres mine.

My girlfriend is a filthy minx. When I come in her mouth she likes to blow bubbles, gargle it, let it dribble out of her mouth,down her chin and over her tits.

She may be paralysed, but deep down I know she loves it."

hahahaha i love it, i am gonna think of my sickest joke now

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

What do you do when you see an epileptic having a fit in a swimming pool??

Chuck ya washing in!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ohhh God... Now its really gonna hit the sh** lol...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ohhh God... Now its really gonna hit the sh** lol...

wahoooo

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

Saw a T-shirt the other day which read: 'every week, 10,000 women worldwide get battered'

And to think I've been eating mine raw until now...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im sick n twisted i found them amusing in the context that they are jokes and there are jokes for everythin its how u react to it!!!!! but no doubt the soap boxes b gettin dug out...xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the feminist cross the road?

To suck my dick.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Saw a T-shirt the other day which read: 'every week, 10,000 women worldwide get battered'

And to think I've been eating mine raw until now..."

lmao

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"Ohhh God... Now its really gonna hit the sh** lol...

i am SO in trouble arent i, hehehehe

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why did the feminist cross the road?

To suck my dick."

lol, evening miss, nice pic by the way.

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"im sick n twisted i found them amusing in the context that they are jokes and there are jokes for everythin its how u react to it!!!!! but no doubt the soap boxes b gettin dug out...xx"

Can hear the scarping of em already across the laminate flooring, lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do a tightrope walker and a young man getting head off his granny have in common?

Neither look down

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you get an ethiopian pregnant?

come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

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By *-and-KCouple
over a year ago

Back of Beyond

Mates just bought shares in a racehorse called My Face.

He's looking forward to the day he can go to the racecourse and watch all the rich bitches cheering "Come on My Face"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok..

Tame.. but funny!

A woman comes home to find her hubby in bed with another woman.. With superhuman strength, she grabs him drags him down the stairs, across the garden naked and into the shed.. She then slams his cock in a vice then snaps off the handle in rage, reaches up and grabs the big hacksaw.. The husband now terrified, looks her in the eye and pleads and screams, your not going to cut it off are you?? The wife with a vengful gleam in her eye.. says No, you are.. I'm setting fire to the shed..

see... Clean even lol..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ok..

Tame.. but funny!

see... Clean even lol..

shakes her head...oh the shame notts...such a cop out lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol thanks!! still waitin on the soap box crew .....xx

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"How do you get an ethiopian pregnant?

come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest."

hahahaha

That is GROSS ewwwwwwwwwwww

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you get an ethiopian pregnant?

come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

hahahaha

That is GROSS ewwwwwwwwwwww

"
yep...lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How come then when a woman gets pregant all her mates come over, rubs her tummy and says awwwwww congratulations and yet not one wants to rub yer cock and say well done!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each other, one pad said to the other,

"Should we say hi to those 2 tampons?"

The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call an annexic with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Local MP visits the old folks home and see's the oldest lady who's 105.. he says have you ever been bed ridden, she replies.. sometimes but I prefer being shagged hard on the sofa...

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

What’s pink and goes round and round on a carousel?

Stephen Gately's suitcase

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Myra Hindley is walking through the Yorkshire Moors, hand-in-hand with a little boy.

"I'm scared," moaned the boy.

"You're scared!" she replied. "I have to come back alone."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Myra Hindley is walking through the Yorkshire Moors, hand-in-hand with a little boy.

"I'm scared," moaned the boy.

"You're scared!" she replied. "I have to come back alone.""

lmfao

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

[Removed by poster at 08/11/09 20:27:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How is knocking up your girlfriend like locking your keys out of your car?

The problem goes away with the aid of a coathangar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was stapled to the koala.

Q: Why did the tree fall over?

A: The koala never let go.

Q: Why did the kangaroo die?

A: Because the koala landed on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paddy finds out his wife is having an affair and decides to kill her and himself... Ties her up in the kitchen.. holds the gun to his head and says not sure why your fuckin laughing bitch, your next!

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

What's the definition of a virgin in the Middle East?

Any camel that can run faster than an Muslim.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i used to be into necrophilia... that is untill some rotten cunt split on me.

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why did hitler kill him self ..................

he got his gas bill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who says the undertakers have no sense of humour

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape."

pmsfl

I love this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't granny's have smear tests?

Ever tried opening a cheese toastie

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Have you seen the world's shortest books?:

Irish Wit and Wisdom.

Jewish Business Ethics.

Italian War Heroes.

Aboriginal Hygeine Hints.

Adolf Hitler's Kosher Recipes.

Muslim Pork Dishes.

The Amish Phone Book.

Things I Can`t Afford by Bill Gates.

Great Women Drivers of Today.

The Complete Guide to Catholic Sex.

The Book of Good Australian Beer.

Beauty Secrets by Cathy Freeman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Local MP visits the old folks home and see's the oldest lady who's 105.. he says have you ever been bed ridden, she replies.. sometimes but I prefer being shagged hard on the sofa..."

... can't... breathe!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate having to crush up my old grans pills and put them in her food.. It feels really sneaky... but i'd never forgive myself getting her pregnant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/11/09 20:34:15]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I hate having to crush up my old grans pills and put them in her food.. It feels really sneaky... but i'd never forgive myself getting her pregnant

oh fuckin hell, tena moment...cant breathe...;mfao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awwww........

Not every Flower can say I love you. But a rse can.. Not every Plant survives Thirst... but a cactus can.. Not every retard can read... but look at you having a go, bless!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a woman with a clipboard just knocked on my door she asked me if we would have an ethopian child for christmas we normally have turkey but fuck it il try anythin once...

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.

We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead.

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hoodie 1 ... when I have sex with a girl my eyes sting

Hoodie 2 ... that would be the pepper spray

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Non alchohol lager is like licking yer sisters fanny?

It tastes the same but you know it just isnt right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's worse than Michael Jackson babysitting your kids?

The Mcanns taking them away on holiday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww.. the wife bless, just found out she was in fact adopted.. She was devistated, she has been weeping for days.. saying why didn;t they want me.. I took her in my arms and comforted her..

After a while, still sobing she turned and kissed me and asked me to make love to her.. In hindsight I suppose taking her from behind and shouting,... WHO'S YA DADDY WHO'S YA DADDY wasn't a great idea....

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

Following the success of Childline it has been announced that a similar new telephone service is to be created for women affected by domestic violence.

Punchline.

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"Aww.. the wife bless, just found out she was in fact adopted.. She was devistated, she has been weeping for days.. saying why didn;t they want me.. I took her in my arms and comforted her..

pmsl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wife ... I want a rape alarm

So next morning hubby punches her in the face, grabs her hair and has rough anal sex with her.

Hubby ... It's time to get up love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

johnny bursts into his mum and dads bedroom only to see his dad giving his mum one

His dad just laughs and says "Off you go Johnny"

A little while later Johhnys dad heres a commotion coming from the wee mans bedroom

He bursts in and is totally shocked to see Johnny shagging his gran.

Johhny just looks up and says.. " Not so f*ckin funny when its your mum now is it dad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had a major session yesterday mind... 15 mins hard shagging, 20.. then 30 or so... soon became clear to me neither was gonna come when she said.. whats up babe, can't you think of anyone either??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is pork pie like a pensioners fanny?

Cos you have to bite off the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's a kid, a mom and a dad.

They're having guests over.

The kid goes into the bathroom and see's his dad shaving.

The dad cut's himself and says "Sh=it!"

The kid asks the dad what "Sh=it!" means.

The dad replies, "It means to shave."

So the kid goes into the kitchen and see's the mom cutting the turkey.

The mom accidentally cut's her finger and she says, "Fu=ck!"

The kid ask's the mom what "Fu=ck!" means.

The mom replies "It means to cut."

The door bell starts to ring.

The kid goes and answers it.

The guests ask the kid where his parents are.

The kid replies, "Dads upstairs in the bathroom shi=tting and mom's in the kitchen fu=cking the turkey."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two dyslexics burst into a bank shoutin ...air in the hands mother stickers.. this is a fuck up...

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"Why is pork pie like a pensioners fanny?

Cos you have to bite off the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meat"
u like old ppl dontcha darl dontach eh eh eh ???? lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

love um hunny lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shag.. Its a funny old word eh.

To a smoker its a type of tobacco..

To an American its a dance..

To a bird watcher its a bird..

To you lot of ugly feckers it a remote possibility,,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A scottish paedophile has opened a dispute on e bay ... a wii gameboy he received isn't what he was expecting he claimed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without sikipedia would this thread have gone on for so long???????

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"love um hunny lol"

piss and pessaries..you cant beat it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats blue and fucks grannys?

hyperthermia

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooerr... ok!!

A big fella walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm..and then says, this is the fucking sheep I have to shag when your not in the fuckin mood.. His wife says.. Err I think you'll find thats a sheep stupid.. He says, I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep.. Stupid!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mr whippy was found d ead this mornin with a flake up his arse chocolate sauce on his cock and 100s n 1000s over his balls....polica say he topped himself!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doctor! I think my wife is dead."

"How can you tell?"

"Well, the sex is still the same but the dishes are piling up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That should have said Pig lol.. This is the Pig I have to shag!!

Oh well lol..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?

When a tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

man naked looks in mirror and says to his wife why do i always get a hard on when i look at myself wife says cause evenn ur cock thinks ur a fanny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fairy liquid adverts have been changed to reflect a more modern britain ....

Little girl ... mummy why are your hands so soft?

Mummy ... because I'm only 14 now shut the f**k up and eat your pot noodle ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks guys, been in hysterics reading this lot. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who loves sick jokes.

What red and squeals?

A freshly peeled baby.

Johnny sees mummy naked and looks at her pussy and says, "What's that mummy?"

She replies, "Oh, um, it's, er, where daddy hit me with an axe."

"Good shot," says Johnny, "right in the cunt.!"

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

My mate told me that if I was buying condoms at the supermarket, I should buy a couple of other things so that people didn't look at me funny.

With hindsight, lollies and a Barbie doll probably wasn't the best choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Old woman takes her deaf hubby to the docs... Tell the Doc.. My old man don't want sex and sleeps all the time..

The doc says we'll have to do some tests.. I will need a urine sperm and a stool sample..

The Old man says to his wife, what did he say luv?? She replies, he wants your underpants......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a dog is truly mans best friend... if you don't believe me try this experiment.. Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.. then unlock the boot open it and see who fookin happy to see ya lol...

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

West Midlands police are looking for a "racist attacker".

I phoned the information line but apparently its not a job advertisement!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I put on my profile that I have an athletic swimmers body,

I didn't mention that it was in the boot of my car

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

DIY tip of the week...

A woman is on all fours.. cum spilling from her arse, her fanny and both corners of her mouth..

What does this tell you fellas??? Yep... the floor is level..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is a 69 better than a family reunion??

With a 69 you only have to kiss one twat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After 5 years together now the Mrs still gets the hump when I use her toothbrush...

If anyone has a better way of cleaning dog shit of their trainers i'm all ears ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Without sikipedia would this thread have gone on for so long???????"

thats not sick or funny!

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"I put on my profile that I have an athletic swimmers body,

I didn't mention that it was in the boot of my car

Yu let me out tho

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"Without sikipedia would this thread have gone on for so long???????

thats not sick or funny!

hahaha

And i just realised that there IS a site called sickopaedia.......... ooooh dear!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine are off my phone...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/11/09 22:10:30]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

both of them lmao

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"Mine are off my phone...

same here - well that and emails that i remembered, lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Alzheimer's protest march outside No10

What do we want?? Fuck knows.. When do we want it? Want what....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I put on my profile that I have an athletic swimmers body,

I didn't mention that it was in the boot of my car

Yu let me out tho

ANOTHER tick in the black book, ( note in margin to use better quality cable ties tho )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Statistics show the most common sexual position for married couples is the doggy style.... the husband sits and begs, the wife rolls over and plays dead...

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

I used to love my job as a mortuary assisstant, the hours suited me, the pay was ok, and the added benefit of having sex on tap was great, but I lost the job cos some dead cunt split on me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

heaven is going to be very enjoyable this xmas 1 - stephen gathley is doing the singing 2- patrick swayze is doing the dancing 3- keith floyd is doing the cooking and micheal jackson has said he will play with all the kids

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By *evilmentMan
over a year ago

Aberdeen

What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?

I cried when I cut up the onion.

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