FabSwingers.com forum: Why do *some* men...

By *imi_Rouge OP Woman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Come creeping back after you've met, dated, been in a relationship, that hasn't worked out and you've had no contact, for weeks, months, years?

What are they hoping to achieve?

Do they think we've forgotten the reason they were banished?

Do they just want to relive/indulge in some nostalgia for that period of their life?

Anyone else have this experience?

One example I have is a man I met when we were teenagers, he has since married and had kids, moved to Scotland, yet occasionally would send a msg (now blocked). That was over a span of 30 years.

I am only speaking from my experience, with men.

Do women do the same thing? I never have done.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

Just when I thought I was out..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/05/22 14:19:06]

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By *inballs99Man
over a year ago

Blackheath

I was stalked by an ex for a while it cost me my marriage my house and my son !

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I get this often. They seem to have amnesia about how the relationship ended. All they remember is the sex and come back for more.

Dolts.

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By *imi_Rouge OP Woman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"I will always hope she comes back "

Just that one specific person? Even if she'd blocked you, never expressed an interest? I know there will be a lot of variables.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well perhaps his marriage isn’t up to much as he thought it would be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I put that wrong i will always hope shes happy but if she needs to come back and say hello then il be there shes earned that right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/05/22 14:22:26]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I will always hope she comes back

Just that one specific person? Even if she'd blocked you, never expressed an interest? I know there will be a lot of variables."
i said it wrong the other one says it best

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By *rucking-HellMan
over a year ago

Northampton

Do women do the same thing? I never have done."

Yes. There's someone in my life who contacts me when yet another relationship fails. I usually get a 4-5 year absence, and like clockwork, she emails.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I have exs that get in contact now and then, it's definitely not only guys that are weird like this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not ask them?

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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

Yeah- guys can have short memories when they're thirsty!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its cos you still care about that person or the memory of that person and like to know there safe i think

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By *cunnylassCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

Some women do the same thing.I have an ex who will message me about once a year.I think she likes to believe that she is of some importance to me.

Mike

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By *alty surpriseMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

I have women from previous relationships get in touch ...maybe the grass isn't always greener

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By *oubletroubleCouple
over a year ago

South West

"Just when I thought I was out..

laughing loudly

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Do women do the same thing? I never have done."

Yes. It changed some of my fab settings / criteria / behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get this often. They seem to have amnesia about how the relationship ended. All they remember is the sex and come back for more.

Dolts."

I like to think it's because I'm an awesome fuck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had an ex contact me and try and reminisce about the good times. I struggled to remember these good times and ended up telling her to fuck off.

She seemed to forget being abusive and controlling and trying to cut me off from all my friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am still in contact with a few of my Ex's there is no getting back together but it nice to have a chat now and then. I can honestly say all but one is welcome anytime for a cuppa and chat.

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By *imi_Rouge OP Woman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"Why not ask them?"

I asked one, not the example above, how his wife would feel and he blocked me lol so still none the wiser.

This is why I'm asking the gen pop.

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By *imi_Rouge OP Woman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"I think its cos you still care about that person or the memory of that person and like to know there safe i think "

If they really cared, why didn't they stay in touch properly as friends then? I don't think it's ever really about that.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Agreed, I think it’s a control thing. They think they can swoop into your life as and when it suits them.

Your feelings matter not one jot, which I think makes it psychopathic behaviour...

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Come creeping back after you've met, dated, been in a relationship, that hasn't worked out and you've had no contact, for weeks, months, years?

What are they hoping to achieve?

Do they think we've forgotten the reason they were banished?

Do they just want to relive/indulge in some nostalgia for that period of their life?

Anyone else have this experience?

One example I have is a man I met when we were teenagers, he has since married and had kids, moved to Scotland, yet occasionally would send a msg (now blocked). That was over a span of 30 years.

I am only speaking from my experience, with men.

Do women do the same thing? I never have done."

Women do it too

It’s called “shooting your shot”

Don’t ask, don’t get.

Gotta risk it for a biscuit

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By *imi_Rouge OP Woman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"Come creeping back after you've met, dated, been in a relationship, that hasn't worked out and you've had no contact, for weeks, months, years?

What are they hoping to achieve?

Do they think we've forgotten the reason they were banished?

Do they just want to relive/indulge in some nostalgia for that period of their life?

Anyone else have this experience?

One example I have is a man I met when we were teenagers, he has since married and had kids, moved to Scotland, yet occasionally would send a msg (now blocked). That was over a span of 30 years.

I am only speaking from my experience, with men.

Do women do the same thing? I never have done.

Women do it too

It’s called “shooting your shot”

Don’t ask, don’t get.

Gotta risk it for a biscuit "

Maybe if they offered a biscuit I might be more inclined to respond.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Also I love these in depth posts about how it’s all about control and manipulation

It’s not (mostly)

It’s literally “I put my penis inside her before. I liked it. I wanna do it again. Let’s try” - usually after a few beers too

I know it’s comforting to think we’re all plotting and scheming. We aren’t. When horny we have the intelligence of a slug and the self control of a toddler

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Yes women do exactly the same. I had three “old flames” sniffing round. My response to one of them was.

“Dyou realise it’s exactly three years to the week that you ghosted me”.

Lol.

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By *imi_Rouge OP Woman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"Agreed, I think it’s a control thing. They think they can swoop into your life as and when it suits them.

Your feelings matter not one jot, which I think makes it psychopathic behaviour..."

Yeah, it took me a long time to work out one of them had narcissistic traits, triangulating, love bombing etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think its cos you still care about that person or the memory of that person and like to know there safe i think

If they really cared, why didn't they stay in touch properly as friends then? I don't think it's ever really about that."
maybe they needed an element of closure on there end at that time as we have seen tho in the last few years the world is fluid

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By *imi_Rouge OP Woman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"Also I love these in depth posts about how it’s all about control and manipulation

It’s not (mostly)

It’s literally “I put my penis inside her before. I liked it. I wanna do it again. Let’s try” - usually after a few beers too

I know it’s comforting to think we’re all plotting and scheming. We aren’t. When horny we have the intelligence of a slug and the self control of a toddler "

I get that with people that I just maybe had some fun with, but exes where there was more to it? And it ended badly, or they're now married etc, just why?!

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

[Removed by poster at 24/05/22 15:03:03]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think its cos you still care about that person or the memory of that person and like to know there safe i think

If they really cared, why didn't they stay in touch properly as friends then? I don't think it's ever really about that.maybe they needed an element of closure on there end at that time as we have seen tho in the last few years the world is fluid "
hell i may be wrong im no expert on everyone and there motives im simply spitballing

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Also I love these in depth posts about how it’s all about control and manipulation

It’s not (mostly)

It’s literally “I put my penis inside her before. I liked it. I wanna do it again. Let’s try” - usually after a few beers too

I know it’s comforting to think we’re all plotting and scheming. We aren’t. When horny we have the intelligence of a slug and the self control of a toddler

I get that with people that I just maybe had some fun with, but exes where there was more to it? And it ended badly, or they're now married etc, just why?!

Exactly as I wrote. They just wanna fuck. It’s not some evil scheme. It’s much easier to contact a previous partner and hope to get lucky then to contact someone you don’t even know

It’s purely a lazy “faf”

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Also I love these in depth posts about how it’s all about control and manipulation

It’s not (mostly)

It’s literally “I put my penis inside her before. I liked it. I wanna do it again. Let’s try” - usually after a few beers too

I know it’s comforting to think we’re all plotting and scheming. We aren’t. When horny we have the intelligence of a slug and the self control of a toddler "

Thanks for explaining my experience to me.

Really appreciated.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

In my experience (twice) both women only did so because they heard I had my own place and was successful in my career. When I was with them I had neither and they had walked after a short time.

I just walked away from both after a brief chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From experience, this isn't gender specific.

People are crazy

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

It's never happened to me with anyone I've been in some kind of established relationship with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve done this before - but it’s never with bad intent. Sometimes a nice memory will pop into my mind and I think “I better text that person to let them know I haven’t forgotten about them”.

I’ve never really considered that it might annoy someone. I always thought of it as being kind/friendly - you know, those people were once important in my life and I don’t want to seem like I have written them out of my life forever.

it’s interesting to see that others might read it differently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As soon as the psycho babble starts im outta here nothing ever allowed to be simple these days

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By *imi_Rouge OP Woman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"I’ve done this before - but it’s never with bad intent. Sometimes a nice memory will pop into my mind and I think “I better text that person to let them know I haven’t forgotten about them”.

it’s interesting to see that others might read it differently."

If they were to actually say that's the reason for the msg, it wouldn't be so bad! But that's rarely the case in my experience.

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