FabSwingers.com forum: Compassion

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Let’s discuss compassion. Do you naturally have it, or do you cultivate.

Do you actively seek to be compassionate, even when it’s really hard…

Do you try and see things from other peoples points of view, find reasons for what they do/say…

Do you conflate compassion with empathy, sympathy, pity?

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I’d like to think I’m a very compassionate person, I have opinions I value other’s opinions when they are equally open to valuing others.

I can misjudge what compassion is but I do believe that people generally have reasons for what they do or don’t do.

I also don’t know what conflate means.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Yes I definitely have compassion sometimes to the point I'm taken advantage of. And I'm totally okay with that.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I’ve actually just looked up compassion and I got it kind of wrong above but I definitely have compassion, bucket loads of it as I feel incredibly blessed to be where I am in life right now and understand that others are hurting in so many ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think I'm a very compassionate person at all. Compassion is mostly led by emotion and if someone finds themselves talking about a situation, I can sympathise for a minute before needing to know more and thinking more rationally about why it happened and trying to help them fix it.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I try to balance and see points from others views, try to recognise others processes and their thoughts in comparison to my own, then learn from that or find common ground.

I think that a lot of people think of compassion as the act of sympathy, I see it more as an act of respect

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Came across this

Wisdom without compassion is ruthlessness and compassion without wisdom is folly.”

Fred Kofman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Compassion is a strange one for me. I was brought up to “be a man and just get on with it” and I had to do that being the oldest son of a single mother with poor health so sometimes I forget other people aren’t like that.

My wife is the complete opposite. She cares about things even the most compassionate people don’t give a second thought to and in the 10 years we’ve been together that’s really rubbed off on me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think I'm a very compassionate person at all. Compassion is mostly led by emotion and if someone finds themselves talking about a situation, I can sympathise for a minute before needing to know more and thinking more rationally about why it happened and trying to help them fix it."

I find that interesting, because so you now have to remove your emotion to feel compassion?

I can feel compassion for my ex, even though he has hurt and damaged me, but I have to remove those feelings from it, and objectively feel compassion for what made him that way?

Maybe I’m wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Compassion is a strange one for me. I was brought up to “be a man and just get on with it” and I had to do that being the oldest son of a single mother with poor health so sometimes I forget other people aren’t like that.

Love that

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By *arkcrystalMan
over a year ago

Bristol

I am very compassionate to a fault.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't have compassion for everyone and everything. It can be difficult to be compassionate towards people who've done bad things so I'd say I'm selectively compassionate but I have noticed that I'm less selective than some.

I feel huge compassion for the Ukrainian widow of Oliksandr Shelipov but I also feel it for Sgt Vadim Shishimari.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I read something that made me giggle.

The worst thing about being an empath is feeling sorry for the dick heads!

The world definitely needs more compassion.

Jo.Xx

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By *onkeynutWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

I’m naturally compassionate and empathetic. I have to work hard not to be so much.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I’ve been described as deeply compassionate, my work demands it in some respects, and I hold a position of compassion with action so that I don’t fall into ruinous empathy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hands down all day long. Compassion wins.

Do not give to recieve. Give openly without need for return and you shall recieve in abundance.

Peace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m very rarely compassionate to anyone besides my children, Athena and maybe a handful of other people. Not to say I’m cruel or that I can’t have sympathy for someone (homelessness crushes me) nor am I incapable of helping someone who needs it, just that for the most part I don’t react with any interest towards anyone outside of my circle.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Probably too compassionate to the point it's not great for my own mental health

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find that interesting, because so you now have to remove your emotion to feel compassion?

I can feel compassion for my ex, even though he has hurt and damaged me, but I have to remove those feelings from it, and objectively feel compassion for what made him that way?

Maybe I’m wrong.

Ahhh I feel like that's almost the inverse of what I said but it's a really good point. Maybe from personal experience, I've never used compassion in that way as it has been closely related to sympathy. Objective compassion is something I don't think I've used before or certainly not described it in that way before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think your ability to have compassion or understanding lies within your ability to feel comfortable with what you are being told by the person who is looking for compassion,they aren't generally looking for you to pity them. Just for someone they feel they can talk to for solice within their time of difficultly

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"I read something that made me giggle.

The worst thing about being an empath is feeling sorry for the dick heads!

The world definitely needs more compassion.

Jo.Xx "

this is so true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to but now i have little to none really i purged my humanity due to the harshness of the world and how i was affected by it so i actively try not to care too much about anything or anyone if you care about things you have something to lose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely trying to fix it is still feeling compassion. Otherwise you'd just walk away..?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not to say people don't feel compassion for a person when they find the subject matter difficult but may just feel that they can't offer any solice for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to but now i have little to none really i purged my humanity due to the harshness of the world and how i was affected by it so i actively try not to care too much about anything or anyone if you care about things you have something to lose"

Do you still care about you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely trying to fix it is still feeling compassion. Otherwise you'd just walk away..?

"
people do just walk away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you still care about you?

"
getting better at it but its not priority

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's very easy to fake. Actions not words are what counts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's very easy to fake. Actions not words are what counts."
this is were people become conflicted with what they are being told, as to whether the person seeking compassion is genuine or seeking attention for other reasons

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By *tepopMan
over a year ago

stoke

Yeah I do , comes easy to me !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's very easy to fake. Actions not words are what counts."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's very easy to fake. Actions not words are what counts.

This. If you look at the world there are billions of “compassionate people” but mostly only as far as getting someone else to do something about the problem they are “passionate” about. Oh, and “compassion” for one group these days is quite often balanced out by vicious hatred for another…"
I think this just about says it we are told to 'love thy neighbour ' and people who are seen as different from yourself but there are still on going wars between ourselves as people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(owl writing - M) We both have plenty of compassion though we manifest it differently. Pussy cat can comment herself if she chooses and I shall comment upon myself only.

I find myself naturally compassionate and feel that I have always been though life has tried to stamp a toxic masculinity into my personality which even now is present. The urge to know and resolve the problem and to prevent it occuring for the sufferer again seems to possess a lot of my emotional time. I have respect for others having different opinions though I may disagree and will argue damned hard if they are in the wrong. I am defining wrong as right/wrong and not correct/incorrect here.

When others lack compassion or are struggling I will consider their situation from what they say and be patient to understand what brought them to that point and any upset they are feeling as very often people are angry at the world because someone they trust has done them a bad turn. I have limited patience in this area though and do not have the energy to continually be drained. If anyone shows cruelty then I will challenge them and if they state that their cruelty is definitely their course of choice then I remove them from my care and compassion utterly to the point that if they were bleeding on the ground and wanted help I would walk past. This has not as yet been tested and only applies to those that choose cruelty as a "best option".

Sometimes it is more compassionate to be hard on others so long as it is the right tool to use.

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By *inkyfox99Man
over a year ago

Surrey

I’m quite a compassionate person. I’ll help out when and where I can and go the extra mile for someone.

Sometimes though, you can do all you can to help, point them in the right direction but some can’t help themselves. At that point I start losing the compassion, but at least I tried!

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

I see my compassion as a weight around my neck .I lie awake at night sometimes worrying about others .I wouldn’t like to be hard and cold hearted but I would like to find a middle ground that made me more at peace .

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I try hard. Whether I succeed at it I leave to others judgement. What is true is that my sense of compassion has been eroded and corroded over the last few years because of the toxic attitudes of some in society. Throughout the first half of my life it felt as if the UK, and to some extent the entire world, was slowly becoming a better place. The latter part of my life though this country and the entire world seem to be trapped within a downward spiral of intolerance and hate, criminal behaviour by those in power, blaming of those with no power, persecution of the innocent, reward of those most evil. I find that my feelings swing towards hatred of those who enable and encourage this destruction of all that was good. Meanwhile my compassion for the victims, for all the rest of us, becomes harder due to sheer exhaustion and emotional overload.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I had to Google conflate... So yes. I'm definitely an empath, I can always feel how others are feeling. I try my best to be compassionate, but also have to be selective with that, as others have said, there's only so much you can do for people, and if they can't help themselves it becomes very draining.

I really have to think hard and try and put myself in their position and how it would affect me, make me feel.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think I’m kind and generous and fairly compassionate in my acts but wouldn’t pity anyone or be overly empathetic to the point it affects me , I think it’s better to be pragmatic than emotional

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By *tinerant scribeMan
over a year ago

County Durham

I cultivate compassion and empathy, but find it hardest with strangers. That is, if someone takes a bit of a tumble on the stairs, and I don't know that someone, I am never the first to help them. If I know them casually, it's quite different!

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