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Consent

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By *adyJayne OP   Woman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

I joined the BDSM scene long before I found swinging...

The only thing I am really uncomfortable about, is the amount of people seemingly happy to force their fetishes on the unsuspecting public.

When I've mentioned that all people involved should be consenting I'm called a killjoy or a snowflake...

So my question is.

Why do you feel that;

- Fucking in public

- wanking in the woods

- playing in a car (for truck drivers etc to see)

Is just a 'bit of fun'? How do you stop yourself from crossing the line into 'dirty flasher'? (And is there a line between acceptable and not)

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds


"I joined the BDSM scene long before I found swinging...

The only thing I am really uncomfortable about, is the amount of people seemingly happy to force their fetishes on the unsuspecting public.

When I've mentioned that all people involved should be consenting I'm called a killjoy or a snowflake...

So my question is.

Why do you feel that;

- Fucking in public

- wanking in the woods

- playing in a car (for truck drivers etc to see)

Is just a 'bit of fun'? How do you stop yourself from crossing the line into 'dirty flasher'? (And is there a line between acceptable and not)

"

I'm in the same boat as you inregards to BDSM and swinging. I stop myself from crossing the line by making sure I feel secure in what I do and being observant. It served me well over the years on the kink scene as well.

C

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By *adyJayne OP   Woman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"I'm in the same boat as you inregards to BDSM and swinging. I stop myself from crossing the line by making sure I feel secure in what I do and being observant. It served me well over the years on the kink scene as well."

Sorry also autistic so my next question is:

Secure on what you do how?

The being observant I can kinda understand, but the first part doesn't clear anything up for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I joined the BDSM scene long before I found swinging...

The only thing I am really uncomfortable about, is the amount of people seemingly happy to force their fetishes on the unsuspecting public.

When I've mentioned that all people involved should be consenting I'm called a killjoy or a snowflake...

So my question is.

Why do you feel that;

- Fucking in public

- wanking in the woods

- playing in a car (for truck drivers etc to see)

Is just a 'bit of fun'? How do you stop yourself from crossing the line into 'dirty flasher'? (And is there a line between acceptable and not)

"

Watch out for the wank police, they’ll be here any minute…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its really tricky.

I'd love to do more outdoor rope fun, but finding somewhere, reasonably accessible where you aren't going to be disturbed or having someone stumble across what's going on is hard.

Some areas get a reputation for certain activities and while that isn't good it does at least offer people some chance.

There is no easy answer, as we can't all afford private lands etc etc and even then, what if someone trespasses.

Consent is super important and the inability to gain it and maintain it out of doors is what prevents me from having more fun out of doors

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By *adyJayne OP   Woman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"Its really tricky.

I'd love to do more outdoor rope fun, but finding somewhere, reasonably accessible where you aren't going to be disturbed or having someone stumble across what's going on is hard.

Some areas get a reputation for certain activities and while that isn't good it does at least offer people some chance.

There is no easy answer, as we can't all afford private lands etc etc and even then, what if someone trespasses.

Consent is super important and the inability to gain it and maintain it out of doors is what prevents me from having more fun out of doors "

If I win the lottery I'm so buying woodland.

I wish a certain BDSM scene person still had his wood available for events/play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I joined the BDSM scene long before I found swinging...

The only thing I am really uncomfortable about, is the amount of people seemingly happy to force their fetishes on the unsuspecting public.

When I've mentioned that all people involved should be consenting I'm called a killjoy or a snowflake...

So my question is.

Why do you feel that;

- Fucking in public

- wanking in the woods

- playing in a car (for truck drivers etc to see)

Is just a 'bit of fun'? How do you stop yourself from crossing the line into 'dirty flasher'? (And is there a line between acceptable and not)

"
find a very quiet spot

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

I think the term “force” is a bit harsh, I would of thought that most people who like the outdoors lifestyle would pick somewhere discreet where general public wouldn’t necessarily be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the term “force” is a bit harsh, I would of thought that most people who like the outdoors lifestyle would pick somewhere discreet where general public wouldn’t necessarily be"

Most would be discreet.

The OP is about people who aren't discreet though. The types who get a kick out of doing sex things in public for other people to see.

Sex offenders.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is a difficult one - even if you are meeting a consenting person, the fact you are outdoors could lead to someone stumbling across you.

I don't think anyone is a kill joy for pointing out the issue of consent. However, some will point it out even where the person has mentioned it being in place

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

No to all of that because of the lack of consent. I do have exhibitionist tendancies so that's what clubs are for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once had a similar discussion on thid within kink

There are certain non sexual things I would love to do but won't because people who may not have consented to see may witness. This then led to an argument as to what is public humiliation and can it be done at an event. For me it can as you don't know everyone there but at least they are aware that they may see something unusual.

Have often seen collar and leash play in public make local news and it can give people the wrong idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If I win the lottery I'm so buying woodland.

I wish a certain BDSM scene person still had his wood available for events/play. "

That would be amazing! I know there's a camping event that goes on, not a million miles from me, but booking out a whole weekend just isn't practical

Might have to start playing the lottery again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear ya OP, and I’m sure I’m going to be absolutely slaughtered on here for saying this, and yeah it’s probably going to end up with me blocked by half the site, but hey I’m going to say anyway that I think this also with many of the Pride parades that happen each year.

I have absolutely no issue with people of all sexualities celebrating as such, in fact I positively encourage it, but there always seems to be a minority that has to go around in extreme bondage or fetish gear, in my opinion it’s too much and should be kept out of family friendly events.

Hey, yeah, I’m an old Gammon who needs to chill out … I know, I know ..

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I think the issue of consent applies where people are exhibitionist and are deliberately including people who don't consent.

Having fun outside is normal and in past generations (and even in this century) people don't always have a place to go. I also feel if a couple are playing off the beaten path anyone seeing it could avert eyes and carry on their walk.

Not everyone has access to swinging naturist clubs with an outdoors.

Some comments on the Pride March. First, it used to be argued gay people should not express themselves in public. Part of acceptance has been the grudging and backsliding acceptance of gay people being...gay. There has been no earthquakes in the UK because if it.

Second, extreme kinksters were activists too, and should be able to express their outfits. People got used to punks in bondage gear.

Finally, if kids are encouraged to watch superheroes in outrageous outfits, the sight of extreme bondage outfits is too late to warp their minds.

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds


"I hear ya OP, and I’m sure I’m going to be absolutely slaughtered on here for saying this, and yeah it’s probably going to end up with me blocked by half the site, but hey I’m going to say anyway that I think this also with many of the Pride parades that happen each year.

I have absolutely no issue with people of all sexualities celebrating as such, in fact I positively encourage it, but there always seems to be a minority that has to go around in extreme bondage or fetish gear, in my opinion it’s too much and should be kept out of family friendly events.

Hey, yeah, I’m an old Gammon who needs to chill out … I know, I know .. "

You aren't that old first and foremost. And I believe the extremely large majority of people would agree with you regardless of age, I certainly do. Though I'm not sure Pride was originally intended to be a family friendly event...

P

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It’s not hard to find secluded spots and abandoned buildings if you go off the beaten track & look for them. Riber Castle overlooking Matlock is a great spot

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By *heArrowsCouple
over a year ago

I came from a bdsm background too and I agree with you about consent.

I wouldn't do a spanking scene in a public park or humiliation play where random people might be about or orgasm denial in the local asda frozen isle

But I have had sex in public places so I guess I see them as two very separate acts.

While exhibitionism is most certainly a kink, the people doing the exhibition are rarely bdsm practitioners. And it's a slippery slope to judge other people to standards they might not be aware of.

Sex at a pool in a swingers resort is very different to sex on Sutton strand or at a bus stop after a night out obviously. So context is quite important too.

Are you fucking in a car where its reasonable that children or unexpected people might come along ... to me that's not appropriate.

Are you fucking in a car at a location where its known people fuck in their cars (lovers lanes or dogging locations) then that's less of an issue.

One afternoon I was eating in burger King when a dom walked in with her subby boy. He was collared and on a lead. She ordered, sent him to his seat, and then when the food was ready made him come up and get the tray to take back to the table.

At the time I thought it was cute. He was so happy. My mate said it made him uncomfortable and I explained my side. It's affectionate and super empowering and nothing wrong had been done.

He explained that seeing someone being treated in a humiliating way made him uncomfortable and how would parents explain to kids why a person was being treated like a dog.

None of us consented to being part of their scene but how could they get active consent from everyone. It's unreasonable. And how can they normalise this behaviour without exposing people to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I came from a bdsm background too and I agree with you about consent.

I wouldn't do a spanking scene in a public park or humiliation play where random people might be about or orgasm denial in the local asda frozen isle

But I have had sex in public places so I guess I see them as two very separate acts.

While exhibitionism is most certainly a kink, the people doing the exhibition are rarely bdsm practitioners. And it's a slippery slope to judge other people to standards they might not be aware of.

Sex at a pool in a swingers resort is very different to sex on Sutton strand or at a bus stop after a night out obviously. So context is quite important too.

Are you fucking in a car where its reasonable that children or unexpected people might come along ... to me that's not appropriate.

Are you fucking in a car at a location where its known people fuck in their cars (lovers lanes or dogging locations) then that's less of an issue.

One afternoon I was eating in burger King when a dom walked in with her subby boy. He was collared and on a lead. She ordered, sent him to his seat, and then when the food was ready made him come up and get the tray to take back to the table.

At the time I thought it was cute. He was so happy. My mate said it made him uncomfortable and I explained my side. It's affectionate and super empowering and nothing wrong had been done.

He explained that seeing someone being treated in a humiliating way made him uncomfortable and how would parents explain to kids why a person was being treated like a dog.

None of us consented to being part of their scene but how could they get active consent from everyone. It's unreasonable. And how can they normalise this behaviour without exposing people to it.

"

Doing shit like having a sub on a collar in Burger King in an afternoon is NOT normal. The staff should have kicked them out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

None of us consented to being part of their scene but how could they get active consent from everyone. It's unreasonable. And how can they normalise this behaviour without exposing people to it.

"

See, maybe I’m old fashioned, but I don’t think having a BDSM kink in a family Burger King environment is not the kind of behaviour that should be ‘normalised’. Sexual kinks and fetishes don’t all have to be ‘normalised’ in public places front of kids or indeed unsuspecting adults.

Where do you draw the line? Anal sex in Asda?

Sounding in Sainsburys?

Do what you want in private. Go fill your boots behind closed doors.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire


"I came from a bdsm background too and I agree with you about consent.

I wouldn't do a spanking scene in a public park or humiliation play where random people might be about or orgasm denial in the local asda frozen isle

But I have had sex in public places so I guess I see them as two very separate acts.

While exhibitionism is most certainly a kink, the people doing the exhibition are rarely bdsm practitioners. And it's a slippery slope to judge other people to standards they might not be aware of.

Sex at a pool in a swingers resort is very different to sex on Sutton strand or at a bus stop after a night out obviously. So context is quite important too.

Are you fucking in a car where its reasonable that children or unexpected people might come along ... to me that's not appropriate.

Are you fucking in a car at a location where its known people fuck in their cars (lovers lanes or dogging locations) then that's less of an issue.

One afternoon I was eating in burger King when a dom walked in with her subby boy. He was collared and on a lead. She ordered, sent him to his seat, and then when the food was ready made him come up and get the tray to take back to the table.

At the time I thought it was cute. He was so happy. My mate said it made him uncomfortable and I explained my side. It's affectionate and super empowering and nothing wrong had been done.

He explained that seeing someone being treated in a humiliating way made him uncomfortable and how would parents explain to kids why a person was being treated like a dog.

None of us consented to being part of their scene but how could they get active consent from everyone. It's unreasonable. And how can they normalise this behaviour without exposing people to it.

"

Should we be normalising behaviour like this?

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By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago

Coventry


"I came from a bdsm background too and I agree with you about consent.

I wouldn't do a spanking scene in a public park or humiliation play where random people might be about or orgasm denial in the local asda frozen isle

But I have had sex in public places so I guess I see them as two very separate acts.

While exhibitionism is most certainly a kink, the people doing the exhibition are rarely bdsm practitioners. And it's a slippery slope to judge other people to standards they might not be aware of.

Sex at a pool in a swingers resort is very different to sex on Sutton strand or at a bus stop after a night out obviously. So context is quite important too.

Are you fucking in a car where its reasonable that children or unexpected people might come along ... to me that's not appropriate.

Are you fucking in a car at a location where its known people fuck in their cars (lovers lanes or dogging locations) then that's less of an issue.

One afternoon I was eating in burger King when a dom walked in with her subby boy. He was collared and on a lead. She ordered, sent him to his seat, and then when the food was ready made him come up and get the tray to take back to the table.

At the time I thought it was cute. He was so happy. My mate said it made him uncomfortable and I explained my side. It's affectionate and super empowering and nothing wrong had been done.

He explained that seeing someone being treated in a humiliating way made him uncomfortable and how would parents explain to kids why a person was being treated like a dog.

None of us consented to being part of their scene but how could they get active consent from everyone. It's unreasonable. And how can they normalise this behaviour without exposing people to it.

"

Sexual kinks in Burger King shouldn’t be normalised.

Part of normalising non-vanilla things is recognising that there are appropriate and inappropriate places to carry them out.

Nothing overtly sexual should ever happen in front of children or people having a snack in Burger King.

It’s the same as those who answer the door in hotels to room service or housekeeping naked - it’s inappropriate and wrong.

If consent can’t be given by all parties in a place that sexual activities happen then it shouldn’t happen. Simple.

No-one should leave BK having to witness or explain sex or sexual kinks to their kids/grandparents.

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By *heArrowsCouple
over a year ago

There was no sex or fetish gear worn in burger King aside from a small collar he wore with the leash. She was in a summer dress and he was in jacket and jeans. I don't know if most people seen the collar. They were walking close (like any other couple might)

Not all aspects of bdsm are sexual.

I was helped greatly by the mental aspects at a time where I literally lost everything I thought I knew about myself. Self discipline, communication, awareness of others.

I seen the collar as a form of commitment but I was probably projecting there.

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By *adyJayne OP   Woman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"There was no sex or fetish gear worn in burger King aside from a small collar he wore with the leash. She was in a summer dress and he was in jacket and jeans. I don't know if most people seen the collar. They were walking close (like any other couple might)

Not all aspects of bdsm are sexual.

I was helped greatly by the mental aspects at a time where I literally lost everything I thought I knew about myself. Self discipline, communication, awareness of others.

I seen the collar as a form of commitment but I was probably projecting there. "

The collar isn't an issue, it might not be a standard asthetic but it just looks like a slightly quirky piece of jewellery... (I had an eternity collor for several years)

The leash however that isn't a piece of jewellery. It's something that people don't see on humans, they regularly see them on animals however...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw a video, on a popular social media app, of a lady being made to orgasm, using a lovesense type toy. They were in a shopping mall and she had on grey cycling shorts. A result of the orgasm was she’d squirted herself so it looked as though she pee’d her pants.

What was interesting was the following comments about the appropriateness of this couples behaviour in a public setting. Some argued there were no kids about and it looked like she’d lost bladder control and folk were being too sensitive. Others argued it was deplorable behaviour and should have stayed at home. Some were trying to justify public humiliation kink.

Personally, theres a time and a place for things. I would dread having to explain to a child or ‘non life style’ person why the lady was holding on to the banister and shaking and carrying on due to orgasm. Would i lie? Tell the truth? Not a nice position to be in tbf. Consent is very important and its selfish to think its harmless to have a wank whilst the gas man is in and might hear or answer the door nude to delivery ppl. Thats just my opinion though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had some interesting experiences around CNC in the past. I don't really do it anymore but I was keen to please when I was younger.

a) it nearly got my lights knocked out in Leeds once

b) I look back and wince that I was 'that person'

However, it heightened my understanding of where and when things are appropriate.

By the way BK isnt one of them. Public use of lovesense toys is in a very uncomfortable grey area for me nowadays. I think you have to know each other extremely well and pick your time and place (not Asda ever)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I saw a video, on a popular social media app, of a lady being made to orgasm, using a lovesense type toy. They were in a shopping mall and she had on grey cycling shorts. A result of the orgasm was she’d squirted herself so it looked as though she pee’d her pants.

What was interesting was the following comments about the appropriateness of this couples behaviour in a public setting. Some argued there were no kids about and it looked like she’d lost bladder control and folk were being too sensitive. Others argued it was deplorable behaviour and should have stayed at home. Some were trying to justify public humiliation kink.

Personally, theres a time and a place for things. I would dread having to explain to a child or ‘non life style’ person why the lady was holding on to the banister and shaking and carrying on due to orgasm. Would i lie? Tell the truth? Not a nice position to be in tbf. Consent is very important and its selfish to think its harmless to have a wank whilst the gas man is in and might hear or answer the door nude to delivery ppl. Thats just my opinion though. "

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