FabSwingers.com forum: How comfortable are you with silence?

By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Another thread about the weather made me think of this.

It seems to me that some, perhaps many people feel a bit awkward with silence when in the company of others.

What does the awkwardness depend on? How well you know the other people? The situational background?

Are you comfortable with periods of silence? How would you fill the silence if you felt it was needed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

" "

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Can't do with silence I just chat shit lol! My daughter said few years back as we were all going somewhere for the day her hubby was picking me up it was a fair journey! And he's not a great talker but she said try not to chat all way there as he will get a headache! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No i cant handle my own thoughts i end up day dreaming and not in the moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No i cant handle my own thoughts i end up day dreaming and not in the moment"
if its extended silence i just walk off in search of noise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very. People find it unnerving that i can sit with them for hours and not feel the need for conversation!

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Can't do with silence I just chat shit lol! My daughter said few years back as we were all going somewhere for the day her hubby was picking me up it was a fair journey! And he's not a great talker but she said try not to chat all way there as he will get a headache! X"

It is interesting, isn't it how we feel the need to chat about anything... rather than be silent and still sometimes.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"No i cant handle my own thoughts i end up day dreaming and not in the moment"

It does make us focus on our inner world, I agree. And then sometimes we panic and escape.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Silence is very golden.

Does not always mean there is an issue or a problem internaly or externaly.

Silence could be reflection,peace and quite,relaxation,contemplation.space,timeout.

Everything is relevent in the given sitiation at hand in the time and place.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Very. People find it unnerving that i can sit with them for hours and not feel the need for conversation!"
You know, personally I think it is a real gift if you can be with somebody in silence. Especially when that person has a lot on their mind, experienced bereavement etc.

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By *lirtyAndFunCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

oh god no, makes me sweat just thinking about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over the last year, I’ve had no choice but to sometimes have nothing but silence around me.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

I’m a bit awkward with it and have a tendency to fill it with waffle.

…………..

Um…..so did you happen to know that vermillion is a shade of red? Yes. Fascinating is it not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Very. People find it unnerving that i can sit with them for hours and not feel the need for conversation!"

Spot on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can be silent. But not still. Right now for eg, in the office it’s like a library, but my right foot is twitching.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Really depends on the other person. If I'm comfortable with the other person and the situation calls for silence, talking is overrated.

If I'm not comfortable (or silence isn't called for) I'll fill the air. (I also talk a lot with people I'm very comfortable with, go figure)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you can sit in silence with someone for hours and not feel wierd ,thats fantastic alot cant .

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

Leave them wiggle in discomfort while you say nothing - I'm off to lala land and quite happy there

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sshh op I'm trying to work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too many meetings with auditors has made silence easy for me. They use it as a tactic to gain more info

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I m thinking for example when travelling in a life, most people avoid eye contact and if there is one person trying to make conversation it is usually perceived as a bit "odd"?

So it does depend on the situation, location and the people.

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

I’m comfortable with it, just as well because it’s something we have to learn to be ok with in counsellor training

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is interesting, isn't it how we feel the need to chat about anything... rather than be silent and still sometimes.

Very much so. Could it be a phobia that if there is silence that means not much is going on,or its percieved as boring.

Noise and any ole chat does not equate to productiveness or comstructiveness.

" silence ahhh.

Mind you its deff good to talk i love it.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Sshh op I'm trying to work"

Sorry, really sorry.... I ll try harder now

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Too many meetings with auditors has made silence easy for me. They use it as a tactic to gain more info

I have experienced that... and then it is a good skill to have as an auditee - if you can remain silent.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Not very, unless I’m working, even then I like to listen to a podcast. I’ve been in the middle of nowhere walking in the countryside and not appreciated the solitude and quietness.

Useless when it comes to silence I’d make a terrible monk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Too many meetings with auditors has made silence easy for me. They use it as a tactic to gain more info

Bravo!!

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Feng Shui music?

It's good for everyone. No more than 45 mins tops! It definitely changes your mood for the better.

Sometimes you play it loud to get rid of stagnant energy or quiet to balance you, pets, friends, atmosphere.

But it's not everyone's cup of tea.....

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Feng Shui music?

It's good for everyone. No more than 45 mins tops! It definitely changes your mood for the better.

Sometimes you play it loud to get rid of stagnant energy or quiet to balance you, pets, friends, atmosphere.

But it's not everyone's cup of tea.....

Music is such a mood enhancer/ changer/ improver, isn't it?

When I put the original post up I had not considered music but more the chatty aspect of communication. Music adds a different perspective though, I agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I m thinking for example when travelling in a life, most people avoid eye contact and if there is one person trying to make conversation it is usually perceived as a bit "odd"?

So it does depend on the situation, location and the people."

Esp in the Uk, London esp, Eye contact,talking ,odd you cant do that! Lol.

Once was on the tube in London ,dead silence. I was in the mood for talking just pointed at something got chatting found common ground, they all joined in there was a total up roar of banter and social vibes.

Does show it takes one to break the ice. Not always works.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I m thinking for example when travelling in a life, most people avoid eye contact and if there is one person trying to make conversation it is usually perceived as a bit "odd"?

So it does depend on the situation, location and the people.

Esp in the Uk, London esp, Eye contact,talking ,odd you cant do that! Lol.

Does show it takes one to break the ice. Not always works.

"
Brilliant that you tried - I am not sure I would have the courage. And I have seen people roll their eyes when somebody starts chatting randomly.

Perhaps I am overthinking it... wouldn't be the first time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it.

Kind of why I like to get out and walk.

Take in the hills enjoy the peace, nature and scenery always something about the change of pace.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I am happy with silence.

I enjoy a good chat but people who _have_ to talk all the time are very tiring over a prolonged period.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

It depends if the silence is awkward or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I m thinking for example when travelling in a life, most people avoid eye contact and if there is one person trying to make conversation it is usually perceived as a bit "odd"?

So it does depend on the situation, location and the people.

Esp in the Uk, London esp, Eye contact,talking ,odd you cant do that! Lol.

Does show it takes one to break the ice. Not always works.

Brilliant that you tried - I am not sure I would have the courage. And I have seen people roll their eyes when somebody starts chatting randomly.

Perhaps I am overthinking it... wouldn't be the first time

i did it for years tbh. Many times i was testing social skills. Of how people act or react how we are dressed or percieved etc.

Many as i spoke always commented about my voice depth and tone. But do sense if your chatty chilled and social. As long as every other word is not ( Fuck,fuck ) vwry common in london.

Then again some do not want eye contact,and used to bury their head in a newspaper. Now its headphones with music on. Or stareing at the Advertisement or even looking down at their footwear.

I like people watching lots.diff dress senses, looks,hair styles etc

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I absolutely love it. I’m more than happy being silent around people and love it when I can be around someone and not have to speak.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

" Love it.

Kind of why I like to get out and walk.

Take in the hills enjoy the peace, nature and scenery always something about the change of pace."

I admit that I do, too.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"It depends if the silence is awkward or not."
Agree - and even more awkward when one side feels chatty and not able to "read the room".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd encourage people to watch the video of "the artist is present" featuring Marina Abramovich and Ulay. The power in silence is amazing

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I m thinking for example when travelling in a life, most people avoid eye contact and if there is one person trying to make conversation it is usually perceived as a bit "odd"?

So it does depend on the situation, location and the people.

Esp in the Uk, London esp, Eye contact,talking ,odd you cant do that! Lol.

Does show it takes one to break the ice. Not always works.

Brilliant that you tried - I am not sure I would have the courage. And I have seen people roll their eyes when somebody starts chatting randomly.

Perhaps I am overthinking it... wouldn't be the first time

i did it for years tbh. Many times i was testing social skills. Of how people act or react how we are dressed or percieved etc.

Many as i spoke always commented about my voice depth and tone. But do sense if your chatty chilled and social. As long as every other word is not ( Fuck,fuck ) vwry common in london.

Then again some do not want eye contact,and used to bury their head in a newspaper. Now its headphones with music on. Or stareing at the Advertisement or even looking down at their footwear.

I like people watching lots.diff dress senses, looks,hair styles etc

"
Now there is a topic for another thread, people watching. Why we do it, what we get out of it... go on - I dare you

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I'd encourage people to watch the video of "the artist is present" featuring Marina Abramovich and Ulay. The power in silence is amazing"
OMG Yesssss - I have loved that clip for years. So incredibly powerful and dramatic - just like their relationship was. Thanks for reminding me.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I can only achieve this comfortably with my Inner circle of friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I m thinking for example when travelling in a life, most people avoid eye contact and if there is one person trying to make conversation it is usually perceived as a bit "odd"?

So it does depend on the situation, location and the people.

Esp in the Uk, London esp, Eye contact,talking ,odd you cant do that! Lol.

Does show it takes one to break the ice. Not always works.

Brilliant that you tried - I am not sure I would have the courage. And I have seen people roll their eyes when somebody starts chatting randomly.

Perhaps I am overthinking it... wouldn't be the first time

i did it for years tbh. Many times i was testing social skills. Of how people act or react how we are dressed or percieved etc.

Many as i spoke always commented about my voice depth and tone. But do sense if your chatty chilled and social. As long as every other word is not ( Fuck,fuck ) vwry common in london.

Then again some do not want eye contact,and used to bury their head in a newspaper. Now its headphones with music on. Or stareing at the Advertisement or even looking down at their footwear.

I like people watching lots.diff dress senses, looks,hair styles etc

Now there is a topic for another thread, people watching. Why we do it, what we get out of it... go on - I dare you

Wow we think alike.

Lets do it a colab? Heh.

I adore people watching. Not nosey nore stareing or being creepy.

I think a relaxed look. Tone of voice, what you say body language go a very long way!

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

If the silence is crushing try the following.... If it's good enough for Homer, it's good enough for me! See below:-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sr79xoiLguM

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I can only achieve this comfortably with my Inner circle of friends"

So, familiarity is a part of it, and that I believe is about trust?

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I m thinking for example when travelling in a life, most people avoid eye contact and if there is one person trying to make conversation it is usually perceived as a bit "odd"?

So it does depend on the situation, location and the people.

Esp in the Uk, London esp, Eye contact,talking ,odd you cant do that! Lol.

Does show it takes one to break the ice. Not always works.

Brilliant that you tried - I am not sure I would have the courage. And I have seen people roll their eyes when somebody starts chatting randomly.

Perhaps I am overthinking it... wouldn't be the first time

i did it for years tbh. Many times i was testing social skills. Of how people act or react how we are dressed or percieved etc.

Many as i spoke always commented about my voice depth and tone. But do sense if your chatty chilled and social. As long as every other word is not ( Fuck,fuck ) vwry common in london.

Then again some do not want eye contact,and used to bury their head in a newspaper. Now its headphones with music on. Or stareing at the Advertisement or even looking down at their footwear.

I like people watching lots.diff dress senses, looks,hair styles etc

Now there is a topic for another thread, people watching. Why we do it, what we get out of it... go on - I dare you

Wow we think alike.

Lets do it a colab? Heh.

I adore people watching. Not nosey nore stareing or being creepy.

I think a relaxed look. Tone of voice, what you say body language go a very long way!"
Body language is massive! Only 7 percent or so of communication is through words. The rest is tone, pitch, body language etc. Have you thought of a title?

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

It's easier to sit in silence with people you know without thinking about the silence.

It's only when you are sitting with strangers or people you don't know very well that you even consider the silence and how comfortable that silence is.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"I can only achieve this comfortably with my Inner circle of friends

So, familiarity is a part of it, and that I believe is about trust? "

Yes. Also I am really nosy about new people and ask lots of questions about them

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"If the silence is crushing try the following.... If it's good enough for Homer, it's good enough for me! See below:-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sr79xoiLguM

"
Just watching it

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By *sandyou69Couple
over a year ago

bath

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it, we live in a very quiet semi rural location and love working from home with no one else in the house, just the birds singing.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"It's easier to sit in silence with people you know without thinking about the silence.

It's only when you are sitting with strangers or people you don't know very well that you even consider the silence and how comfortable that silence is.

"
This is so true - when you start becoming aware of the silence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I absolutely love it. I’m more than happy being silent around people and love it when I can be around someone and not have to speak just sniff all there bums. "

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I can only achieve this comfortably with my Inner circle of friends

So, familiarity is a part of it, and that I believe is about trust?

Yes. Also I am really nosy about new people and ask lots of questions about them

"
You are curious...interested in others- that is a good thing?

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I absolutely love it. I’m more than happy being silent around people and love it when I can be around someone and not have to speak just sniff all there bums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I m thinking for example when travelling in a life, most people avoid eye contact and if there is one person trying to make conversation it is usually perceived as a bit "odd"?

So it does depend on the situation, location and the people.

Esp in the Uk, London esp, Eye contact,talking ,odd you cant do that! Lol.

Does show it takes one to break the ice. Not always works.

Brilliant that you tried - I am not sure I would have the courage. And I have seen people roll their eyes when somebody starts chatting randomly.

Perhaps I am overthinking it... wouldn't be the first time

i did it for years tbh. Many times i was testing social skills. Of how people act or react how we are dressed or percieved etc.

Many as i spoke always commented about my voice depth and tone. But do sense if your chatty chilled and social. As long as every other word is not ( Fuck,fuck ) vwry common in london.

Then again some do not want eye contact,and used to bury their head in a newspaper. Now its headphones with music on. Or stareing at the Advertisement or even looking down at their footwear.

I like people watching lots.diff dress senses, looks,hair styles etc

Now there is a topic for another thread, people watching. Why we do it, what we get out of it... go on - I dare you

Wow we think alike.

Lets do it a colab? Heh.

I adore people watching. Not nosey nore stareing or being creepy.

I think a relaxed look. Tone of voice, what you say body language go a very long way!Body language is massive! Only 7 percent or so of communication is through words. The rest is tone, pitch, body language etc. Have you thought of a title?

Totally agree.

Many not aware of the silent signals given off even without and words being uttered.

Brain ticking now. Idea idea.

May have to Pm to get approval of a catchey hearder.before sign off lol

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I m thinking for example when travelling in a life, most people avoid eye contact and if there is one person trying to make conversation it is usually perceived as a bit "odd"?

So it does depend on the situation, location and the people.

Esp in the Uk, London esp, Eye contact,talking ,odd you cant do that! Lol.

Does show it takes one to break the ice. Not always works.

Brilliant that you tried - I am not sure I would have the courage. And I have seen people roll their eyes when somebody starts chatting randomly.

Perhaps I am overthinking it... wouldn't be the first time

i did it for years tbh. Many times i was testing social skills. Of how people act or react how we are dressed or percieved etc.

Many as i spoke always commented about my voice depth and tone. But do sense if your chatty chilled and social. As long as every other word is not ( Fuck,fuck ) vwry common in london.

Then again some do not want eye contact,and used to bury their head in a newspaper. Now its headphones with music on. Or stareing at the Advertisement or even looking down at their footwear.

I like people watching lots.diff dress senses, looks,hair styles etc

Now there is a topic for another thread, people watching. Why we do it, what we get out of it... go on - I dare you

Wow we think alike.

Lets do it a colab? Heh.

I adore people watching. Not nosey nore stareing or being creepy.

Totally agree.

Many not aware of the silent signals given off even without and words being uttered.

Brain ticking now. Idea idea.

May have to Pm to get approval of a catchey hearder.before sign off lol

How about.... "Your body.... what does it say tom others about you?"

PM me by all means

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Hello, darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again......

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

Very

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Hello, darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again......"
OMG yes... by the original S & G or Disturbed?

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

"Hello, darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again......OMG yes... by the original S & G or Disturbed? "

Original.....

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By *irminghamlady08Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere over the Rainbow

Why do I think of Dr Who when the Silence is mentioned!

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"I absolutely love it. I’m more than happy being silent around people and love it when I can be around someone and not have to speak just sniff all there bums.

Goon

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By *omer47Man
over a year ago

leigh

If I'm driving to London with the mrs I just listen to the radio,unless she talks to me.any Other time you can't shut me up lol.it must be the driving experience.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

It is interesting, isn't it how we feel the need to chat about anything... rather than be silent and still sometimes.

I've tried but just can't not talk! I mention that the tesco delivery man does this or he knows such and such people say how do u get all that in a delivery slot? I really just chat to anyone even a man I found on way home from work other day! Hurt on floor found out all kinda things about him till ambulance got there! I could say it's cos I was keeping him alert! But was just my usual chating shit lol! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Very. People find it unnerving that i can sit with them for hours and not feel the need for conversation!"

I'm the same

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By *eeling0880Man
over a year ago

Pennines

I wonder if there is a correlation between people living in rural areas enjoying silence more than urban counterparts

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By *unfriendly 123Man
over a year ago

boston

"Another thread about the weather made me think of this. It only feels awkward with strangers not with partners or friends

It seems to me that some, perhaps many people feel a bit awkward with silence when in the company of others.

What does the awkwardness depend on? How well you know the other people? The situational background?

Are you comfortable with periods of silence? How would you fill the silence if you felt it was needed?"

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By *tinerant scribeMan
over a year ago

County Durham

I am uncomfortable with silence when doing housework or cooking. I guess that's pretty common. With others, it can be great!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

depends on how well i know them or what we have planned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would find it very hard to live with anyone now, as I enjoy the silence to much. I can happily sit down with my best friend and not say more than a few words all night, lucky they feel the same way , which is why we get along so well. X

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I don't like complete silence, I have to have some kind of background noise if I'm on my own or not.

I think people who don't have music on in the car are weird...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't like complete silence, I have to have some kind of background noise if I'm on my own or not.

I think people who don't have music on in the car are weird... "

Are they really that weird because of no music?

I was a proper old skool,drum n bass,jungle nutter loud music and all booming in the car.

I like to drive, look around,think lots make fast decisions being in london etc.

Nothing weird about both choices.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I'm perfectly happy totally silent with company I'm comfortable with.

However with people or situations I'm not comfortable with it's a different story. Especially if I have a social meltdown. If my anxiety is pushed then I can't keep quiet or still, I think it's part of my mechanism to try disguise my social anxiety. Also my ticks start to come into play involuntary and I may start fiddling with things.

However normally I can keep things manageable (at least to most peoples untrained eye) if I'm struggling socially. I've spent a long time learning to be human.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Golden!

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By *oubleswing2019Man
over a year ago

Colchester

Love silence when I'm alone or working.

Happily let others talk about themselves at a party all night long. Being a listener is a valuable skill.

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By *cotty1376Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

fine if i'm in the library reading a book, but can't shut up if i'm out in a pub, so there would be no silence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Too many meetings with auditors has made silence easy for me. They use it as a tactic to gain more info

I have experienced that... and then it is a good skill to have as an auditee - if you can remain silent.

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
over a year ago

Home

Silence never bothered me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I turn the sound down whenever a Tory comes on the TV, for a start

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm very comfortable with silence. There's so much to think about, that there's never a moment where there's nothing being discussed, thought upon or where the peace isn't savoured.

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By *yourselfMan
over a year ago

Heworth

I'm comfortable with silence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd rather have the silence than small talk. People feel they need to fill silences but sometimes silence is golden!

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By *reezulMan
over a year ago

birmingham

Abit of silence is needed sometimes

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

"Very. People find it unnerving that i can sit with them for hours and not feel the need for conversation!"

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

[Removed by poster at 20/05/22 07:54:45]

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By *partacus2024Man
over a year ago

Near You

Enjoy the silence

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Depends who I'm with and the vibe I'm receiving from them.

When I'm at my mates house there can be 5 of us all sat together and nobody says anything for over an hour other than "brew?" if one of us is making.

If I get a food break at work I don't mind some convo but I do prefer quiet time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Too many meetings with auditors has made silence easy for me. They use it as a tactic to gain more info

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only relax when it is quiet so yes I love silence

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

It depends on the other person and the situation. If it was a first date I'd be a lot less comfortable with it than if it was a Sunday morning coffee with my closest mates (not that there's much chance of that being silent!).

I do love to use silence in a negotiation though - so many people are intimidated by it that it becomes an incredibly powerful tool. I've managed to get some great deals by stating my case and then just shutting my mouth and letting the supplier fill the blank space.

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