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What I am curious about is whether you find yourself changing your opinions about someone based on the opinions of others. I’m talking about in a Fab sense.
For instance, you’re chatting with someone but then a ‘Fab friend’ expresses an opinion about that person and you then start re-evaluating your opinion about the person you have been chatting to.
Disclaimer: this is not about me or anyone in particular. I’m just curious (again, not in that way ) | |||
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"I don’t discuss who I’m talking to with others. I make my opinions based on my own judgments. There is normally two sides to every story. As my dad said “opinions are like arseholes. Most people have them”" Two sides to every story is how I would look at it as well  | |||
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"Interesting I think on here you can make decisions on people because of comments of others. Gosh I’ve been called all sorts in the past by the bitches of eastwick … I think I spoke to a man who someone liked, or something equally as inane as that. I don’t listen - I make my own decisions " Good lord. That’s not good. I think making your own decisions and trusting your judgement is the safest approach. | |||
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"Not about that
What I am curious about is whether you find yourself changing your opinions about someone based on the opinions of others. I’m talking about in a Fab sense.
For instance, you’re chatting with someone but then a ‘Fab friend’ expresses an opinion about that person and you then start re-evaluating your opinion about the person you have been chatting to.
Disclaimer: this is not about me or anyone in particular. I’m just curious (again, not in that way ) "Absolutely not. I am not so easily swayed by the court of public opinion. C | |||
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"Nah, I try to base it from my own experience of being in their company. I would hope the people I hang around with are mature enough to understand that just because they have one opinion of someone, doesn't mean I have to share it and doesn't diminish our friendship as a reult "Yes! I agree with that sentiment | |||
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"I missread the thread as usual  "Oh I do that all the time welcome to the club  | |||
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"I follow my own gut feelings rather than listen to the opinions of others. It's rarely put me wrong, so far. " We have those feelings for a reason don’t we? If it works then that is the right approach | |||
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"I missread the thread as usual
Oh I do that all the time welcome to the club "hell i may have missread it on 2nd attempt too  | |||
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"No I don’t think so. There are people that friends don’t like that I’m completely apathetic about because I’ve had no interaction with. I only really dislike people on actions so it would have to be something I’d seen unless they really upset a close friend. "‘Speak as you find’ yes, there is merit in that. It works for me. If someone did upset a close friend would that stop you interacting with that person? | |||
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""he's only here for sex" Well duh" Who is here for sex?  shocked | |||
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""he's only here for sex" Well duh Who is here for sex? shocked "Open messages. Might see something you like | |||
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"If it is just gossip then I will ignore it. If it is from someone who opinion I value I will probably try and understand what they see" I can understand that. You value their opinion for a reason so it would be worth consideration | |||
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"Not about that
What I am curious about is whether you find yourself changing your opinions about someone based on the opinions of others. I’m talking about in a Fab sense.
For instance, you’re chatting with someone but then a ‘Fab friend’ expresses an opinion about that person and you then start re-evaluating your opinion about the person you have been chatting to.
Disclaimer: this is not about me or anyone in particular. I’m just curious (again, not in that way )
Absolutely not. I am not so easily swayed by the court of public opinion.
C"Quite right too. It’s important to trust your own judgement and also consider why someone would be trying to sway you, if that was the case. | |||
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"No I don’t think so. There are people that friends don’t like that I’m completely apathetic about because I’ve had no interaction with. I only really dislike people on actions so it would have to be something I’d seen unless they really upset a close friend.
‘Speak as you find’ yes, there is merit in that. It works for me.
If someone did upset a close friend would that stop you interacting with that person? "No but I’d be slightly more wary. | |||
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"I don't talk to enough people to gossip im too lazy to be arsed but i tent to take folks in the moment i don't often recognise who im interacting i could recognise maybe 15 people and i like them if i dont or didnt i tend to forget anyway " Sometimes it could be gossip but it could also be a well intentioned friend. | |||
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"Interesting I think on here you can make decisions on people because of comments of others. Gosh I’ve been called all sorts in the past by the bitches of eastwick … I think I spoke to a man who someone liked, or something equally as inane as that. I don’t listen - I make my own decisions Good lord. That’s not good. I think making your own decisions and trusting your judgement is the safest approach. " Me too | |||
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"Hmm I don't know to be honest. Know I've been spoken about badly by a former forumite. I just ignored it even though I know they were bang out of order. And I know that it's probably impacted how some view me. So I guessed we're all swayed a little even if we don't think we are. " That type of thing has happened to several people unfortunately and that’s what I’m curious about really, how comments from others can sway opinions. | |||
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"Interesting I think on here you can make decisions on people because of comments of others. Gosh I’ve been called all sorts in the past by the bitches of eastwick … I think I spoke to a man who someone liked, or something equally as inane as that. I don’t listen - I make my own decisions " there used to be a local guy that took a dislike to me just because I was fortunate enough to meet a few of the local ladies that he had taken a shine to. He used to tell scandalous lies about me to them in some sort of warped plan to turn them against me I think. It was quite funny as they’d all tell me what he said! So I’m glad you ignored the Bitches of Eastwick, and make up your own mind on people not 3rd hand tittle tattle and gossip!
Likewise I’ll form my own views based on my own interactions with people, my gut feel is rarely wrong! | |||
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"Hmm I don't know to be honest. Know I've been spoken about badly by a former forumite. I just ignored it even though I know they were bang out of order. And I know that it's probably impacted how some view me. So I guessed we're all swayed a little even if we don't think we are. That type of thing has happened to several people unfortunately and that’s what I’m curious about really, how comments from others can sway opinions. " I think it would make most people at least cautious of the person being spoken about, it's Hunan nature. But I hope that people try and look at both sides of the story and if they don't well there's not much one can do about it. | |||
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"No. I make my own mind up. My views only change if I see it with my own mind, not someone’s words who will have an agenda. " Trust your own views first | |||
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"Hmm I don't know to be honest. Know I've been spoken about badly by a former forumite. I just ignored it even though I know they were bang out of order. And I know that it's probably impacted how some view me. So I guessed we're all swayed a little even if we don't think we are. That type of thing has happened to several people unfortunately and that’s what I’m curious about really, how comments from others can sway opinions. I think it would make most people at least cautious of the person being spoken about, it's Hunan nature. But I hope that people try and look at both sides of the story and if they don't well there's not much one can do about it. " Are you saying ‘no smoke without fire?’ Maybe, sometimes. But history has told me to never ever trust that analogy. People can spread bullshit for their own reasons, and not to help you. | |||
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"Hmm I don't know to be honest. Know I've been spoken about badly by a former forumite. I just ignored it even though I know they were bang out of order. And I know that it's probably impacted how some view me. So I guessed we're all swayed a little even if we don't think we are. That type of thing has happened to several people unfortunately and that’s what I’m curious about really, how comments from others can sway opinions. I think it would make most people at least cautious of the person being spoken about, it's Hunan nature. But I hope that people try and look at both sides of the story and if they don't well there's not much one can do about it. Are you saying ‘no smoke without fire?’ Maybe, sometimes. But history has told me to never ever trust that analogy. People can spread bullshit for their own reasons, and not to help you. " Oh I know, I totally agree but if someone is spreading nasty things about you and people don't want to listen to your side what can I do? | |||
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"I understand opinions here. For me to have sex with someone there has to be emotion attached. I’m not talking love and marriage but more of a connection. Even in swinging I apply that same logic. I don’t just want a fuck and go I also think there are many clever wordsmiths who tell you what they think you want to hear and aren’t always honest with their intent but see it as a way to get in to bed with you. I have been naive and believed this and have probably got more emotions than I should’ve at times. That said I would never bad mouth the person to someone else. I would, and have, just leave the site for a bit " There’s no doubt that some people say what they think you want to hear for their own purposes. I suspect we have all been a bit naive at times but it says more about them than you my lovely  | |||
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"I missread the thread as usual
Oh I do that all the time welcome to the club hell i may have missread it on 2nd attempt too "3 strikes and you’re out | |||
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"I make my own mind up. I've found that different people have different outlooks on different things. Just because my views coincide with theirs on one thing doesn't mean I agree with every thing else they have opinions on. I "take as I find". When commenting on other people there is always two sides to a story so just accepting one side without hearing the other is not really rational. Ie here people may slag someone off and say "avoid"...but when you look into further its because the person doesn't like bareback or dogging or something and is prejudiced again someone who does. And they would actually be appealing to someone with same interests and not be avoided at all. " I always think that. Two sides to every story. We all perceive things differently so it does make sense to use your own judgement | |||
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"No...I'm happy to stick with my own assessment of someone's character " If it works, why change it? | |||
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"I don’t discuss who I’m talking to with anyone. If someone tries to give me an opinion on another, normally a forum person, I don’t take much notice. More makes me question why they’d bring that person up. I have my own mind and capable of making my own opinions on people, without input from others. I know people that I am friends with that are friends with people I can’t stand. That is not my business, they are friends for a reason I don’t need to also be that person’s friend. Does that stop me continuing my friendship with my friend, no. " Yes, you do sometimes wonder if there is a motive when people tell you things about someone else. Always worth bearing in mind. We can’t all like the same people can we? And that’s ok | |||
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"I would tend to make my own mind up unless it was something absolutely awful " And then it would make you more wary, as Saffy said? | |||
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"All the time. I’m always off site in the cliquey whatsapp groups talking shit about everyone else hoping to change their mind on what dicks all the other couples are and how they should just want to meet us "Just for the record, I’m not in any groups WhatsApp or any others. It does happen though. | |||
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"Hmm I don't know to be honest. Know I've been spoken about badly by a former forumite. I just ignored it even though I know they were bang out of order. And I know that it's probably impacted how some view me. So I guessed we're all swayed a little even if we don't think we are. That type of thing has happened to several people unfortunately and that’s what I’m curious about really, how comments from others can sway opinions. I think it would make most people at least cautious of the person being spoken about, it's Hunan nature. But I hope that people try and look at both sides of the story and if they don't well there's not much one can do about it. Are you saying ‘no smoke without fire?’ Maybe, sometimes. But history has told me to never ever trust that analogy. People can spread bullshit for their own reasons, and not to help you. Oh I know, I totally agree but if someone is spreading nasty things about you and people don't want to listen to your side what can I do? " I don’t waste energy trying to change peoples minds. They believe me or they don’t, that’s on them not me. | |||
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"I think it's natural for people to be swayed by a friend's opinions and views, even if they don't realise they necessarily are. I can definitely say, from experience, that people are. And do you know what? Not going to hold that against them, every single person on fab talks. Natural. If several people told me they had the same experience with someone, I witnessed it as well, yep, my opinion of them would change. I probably wouldn't need to witness it, I'd be a bit wary but not immediately believe the accounts. " Maybe the closer people are the more they take their friends opinion on board? I don’t know but I think you’re right Meli, there probably is an element of taking on comments even if we don’t fully realise it. | |||
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"Hmm I don't know to be honest. Know I've been spoken about badly by a former forumite. I just ignored it even though I know they were bang out of order. And I know that it's probably impacted how some view me. So I guessed we're all swayed a little even if we don't think we are. That type of thing has happened to several people unfortunately and that’s what I’m curious about really, how comments from others can sway opinions. I think it would make most people at least cautious of the person being spoken about, it's Hunan nature. But I hope that people try and look at both sides of the story and if they don't well there's not much one can do about it. Are you saying ‘no smoke without fire?’ Maybe, sometimes. But history has told me to never ever trust that analogy. People can spread bullshit for their own reasons, and not to help you. Oh I know, I totally agree but if someone is spreading nasty things about you and people don't want to listen to your side what can I do? I don’t waste energy trying to change peoples minds. They believe me or they don’t, that’s on them not me. "Totally with you there. P.S. The rumour saying I'm actually a vampire is total false even though I look like one | |||
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"I’ve certainly had experience of that but it turns out that persons opinions were waited in their own self interest so I just don’t listen to others any more " Interesting name
Something to be wary of | |||
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"No, I'm an adult not a school kid. I don't discuss anyone with anyone else anyway. I've had a few people voice that they've had crossover, or contact with someone on my veris before. Or even worse, someone who knows someone else through their veris I now keep them private
"The veri trail can be an uncomfortable one
Yes, some things are just best kept to yourself | |||
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"Hmm I don't know to be honest. Know I've been spoken about badly by a former forumite. I just ignored it even though I know they were bang out of order. And I know that it's probably impacted how some view me. So I guessed we're all swayed a little even if we don't think we are. That type of thing has happened to several people unfortunately and that’s what I’m curious about really, how comments from others can sway opinions. I think it would make most people at least cautious of the person being spoken about, it's Hunan nature. But I hope that people try and look at both sides of the story and if they don't well there's not much one can do about it. " That’s what I would hope for, appreciate there are two sides. | |||
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"We always like to make our own minds up about people we tend to stay away from all the drama that surrounds gossiping about people we are just here for drama free fun." Drama is so tiring I don’t have the energy for it. | |||
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"I’ve certainly had experience of that but it turns out that persons opinions were waited in their own self interest so I just don’t listen to others any more Interesting name
Something to be wary of "My first, second and twelfth choice were taken. 
It shouldn’t be, but it is | |||
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"Hmm I don't know to be honest. Know I've been spoken about badly by a former forumite. I just ignored it even though I know they were bang out of order. And I know that it's probably impacted how some view me. So I guessed we're all swayed a little even if we don't think we are. That type of thing has happened to several people unfortunately and that’s what I’m curious about really, how comments from others can sway opinions. I think it would make most people at least cautious of the person being spoken about, it's Hunan nature. But I hope that people try and look at both sides of the story and if they don't well there's not much one can do about it. That’s what I would hope for, appreciate there are two sides. " Thing is though. This happened to me a long time ago. The old gossip, she did/said this etc. I didn’t even bother to give my side/defend myself as I thought half won’t care and the rest are just nosey. The ones who matter knew it was bullshit and the one who caused it apologised and admitted they were wrong in the end. Nobody really cares, they just love the drama x | |||
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"No, I very much base my opinion of people on their behaviour towards me and things that I personally witness...you don't ever know the full background of others interactions (the sort of person that goes around badmouthing people isn't likely to admit that they might have been a bit of a twunt and perhaps deserved less than perfect behaviour in return). Heck, I wouldn't be in the relationship that I am now if I'd listened to some of the things said to me about him. I do know that people have thought ill of me because of things said to them by others though. Occasionally this has backfired on them when they've done it to people that they didn't realise I know. Sticks and stones and all that malarkey, but it is rather pathetic from adults, especially when they've never even met or spoken to me "That’s the type of thing I mean. People said things but you trusted your own judgment. We all interact differently so one person’s experience with someone won’t be your experience with that person. If that makes sense ^
It is a shame when people don’t give you a chance based on a comment by others.
I’ve met you and I know you are totally lovely, and so is he  | |||
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"I think it's natural for people to be swayed by a friend's opinions and views, even if they don't realise they necessarily are. I can definitely say, from experience, that people are. And do you know what? Not going to hold that against them, every single person on fab talks. Natural. If several people told me they had the same experience with someone, I witnessed it as well, yep, my opinion of them would change. I probably wouldn't need to witness it, I'd be a bit wary but not immediately believe the accounts. Maybe the closer people are the more they take their friends opinion on board? I don’t know but I think you’re right Meli, there probably is an element of taking on comments even if we don’t fully realise it. " I'm always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm still right in another universe*.
I do think that the closeness affects how we process and respond to conversation, definitely. And yes, we do remember things, respond, even if we don't recognise we are at the time. It's something I'm trying to check a bit more - look at where thoughts/feelings stem from.
*I can see how I'm insufferable. Epiphany there. Your thread has been a success Babs. | |||
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"No. I have a few separate friends who I know don’t like each other and a few friends who adore people I can’t stand. Easier not to discuss other people. Besides people always find out if you do, I’ve found out enough times. As for anything other than friendship, again no as even close friends don’t know who I meet. Just the one always knows but she has long left fab. If someone said someone had assaulted them or someone else would I take that on board? Yes I probably would. Depends who said it and what it is if I’m honest x" It’s human nature isn’t it? We don’t all want to spend time with the same people and that’s ok. Just keep them separate
I suspect if it was a serious enough comment from a trusted friend then that changes things for a lot of people. You would be cautious at the very least x | |||
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"People can say what they like. I’ll make my own decision about someone when I actually know them not because someone else said something about them." We have a gut feeling/instincts for a reason | |||
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"No. I have a few separate friends who I know don’t like each other and a few friends who adore people I can’t stand. Easier not to discuss other people. Besides people always find out if you do, I’ve found out enough times. As for anything other than friendship, again no as even close friends don’t know who I meet. Just the one always knows but she has long left fab. If someone said someone had assaulted them or someone else would I take that on board? Yes I probably would. Depends who said it and what it is if I’m honest x It’s human nature isn’t it? We don’t all want to spend time with the same people and that’s ok. Just keep them separate
I suspect if it was a serious enough comment from a trusted friend then that changes things for a lot of people. You would be cautious at the very least x"I never told anyone about your unsolicited assault on my boobs though Babs so the secret is safe | |||
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"I think it's natural for people to be swayed by a friend's opinions and views, even if they don't realise they necessarily are. I can definitely say, from experience, that people are. And do you know what? Not going to hold that against them, every single person on fab talks. Natural. If several people told me they had the same experience with someone, I witnessed it as well, yep, my opinion of them would change. I probably wouldn't need to witness it, I'd be a bit wary but not immediately believe the accounts. Maybe the closer people are the more they take their friends opinion on board? I don’t know but I think you’re right Meli, there probably is an element of taking on comments even if we don’t fully realise it. I'm always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm still right in another universe*.
I do think that the closeness affects how we process and respond to conversation, definitely. And yes, we do remember things, respond, even if we don't recognise we are at the time. It's something I'm trying to check a bit more - look at where thoughts/feelings stem from.
*I can see how I'm insufferable. Epiphany there. Your thread has been a success Babs. "Meli, I know you are always right - see, you’re even right when you’re saying you’re right
I do feel the closeness to a person is a factor, rightly or wrongly.
Meli said my thread is a success and she is always right  although she did say she’s insufferable and I can tell you she is most certainly not, so that would make her wrong.
My head hurts | |||
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"No. I have a few separate friends who I know don’t like each other and a few friends who adore people I can’t stand. Easier not to discuss other people. Besides people always find out if you do, I’ve found out enough times. As for anything other than friendship, again no as even close friends don’t know who I meet. Just the one always knows but she has long left fab. If someone said someone had assaulted them or someone else would I take that on board? Yes I probably would. Depends who said it and what it is if I’m honest x It’s human nature isn’t it? We don’t all want to spend time with the same people and that’s ok. Just keep them separate
I suspect if it was a serious enough comment from a trusted friend then that changes things for a lot of people. You would be cautious at the very least x
I never told anyone about your unsolicited assault on my boobs though Babs so the secret is safe "And I would do it all over again Nora  they were made for me and I’m just at the right height | |||
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"No. I have a few separate friends who I know don’t like each other and a few friends who adore people I can’t stand. Easier not to discuss other people. Besides people always find out if you do, I’ve found out enough times. As for anything other than friendship, again no as even close friends don’t know who I meet. Just the one always knows but she has long left fab. If someone said someone had assaulted them or someone else would I take that on board? Yes I probably would. Depends who said it and what it is if I’m honest x It’s human nature isn’t it? We don’t all want to spend time with the same people and that’s ok. Just keep them separate
I suspect if it was a serious enough comment from a trusted friend then that changes things for a lot of people. You would be cautious at the very least x
I never told anyone about your unsolicited assault on my boobs though Babs so the secret is safe
And I would do it all over again Nora they were made for me and I’m just at the right height " | |||
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"I think if it was coming across as a safety issue from another female regarding a bad experience with a male, rather than idle gossip, I might be more inclined to take note. I'd like to think my own internal alarm bells would be ringing before I ever thought about meeting anyone who could be a danger though. " Yes, I like to think I would get a sense before anyone said anything. It would be difficult to totally ignore a comment about safety. I suppose it would depend on the situation and the person telling you. I saw bucket and KFC and my mind drifted for a second I’m too easily distracted. | |||
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"Nope No one messages me Plus I make my own mind up Only my opinion of coarse "Your own opinion is the one that matters most to you I think we’re all the same. | |||
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"No I prefer my own instincts and gut feelings on someone. However I am extremely curious to know so would listen to said comments, but it wouldn't sway my decision "Oh we all have flappy ears don’t we? | |||
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"I have learnt to ignore the bad mouthing and make up my own mind and to go with my gut instincts on here. I admit I have been swayed in the past but no longer am as a lot is usually just some background drama going on. I know I've been bad mouthed on here I've been told about it but that's their issue and those who listen to them .I'm not that invested in here to really give a damn about the crap that goes on and if someone hasn't the actual guts to say something to my face and would rather just talk a load of crap about me they aren't worth a moment of my time. Fab has always been like that tho and it will never change .Best thing to do is just ignore those you don't get on with and concentrate on your own journey ." There will always be those that enjoy the drama unfortunately. Luckily, it’s the minority and if we can recognise who those people are we can steer clear and enjoy the positive aspects of fab | |||
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