FabSwingers.com forum: Ode to Kinkyinhants

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hello All,

During the mid to late 18th century, poets such as Wordsworth, Byron, Blake and Keats demonstrated that is was possible to woo ladies with poetry.

I have failed miderably yo tempt the object of my affections - Kinkyinhants thus far so have decided to employ a new strategy.

Like the great poets, I am not keeping my romanticism private. No, I am putting it all out there in the forums for all to see hoping that such a grand gesture will have the desired effect.

If you see Kinky, please direct her this way and keep your fingers crossed for me that she weeps with joy and that her heat his melted.

Oh Kinky Oh Kinky, I can't help but thinky

That if I met you I would feel in the pinky.

So splendind in your latex (It's not PVC)

Would you dress so sexily just for me?

Oh Kinky Oh Kinky, you're just down in Hants

Where I'd rip of my shirt and pull down my pants

Because that's the effect that you have on some folk

Most notably in and around Basingstoke

Oh Kinky Oh Kinky, you're so cool in the forum

Your posts entice people and tend not to bore 'em

And to get your attention, oh how I try

But you move swiftly past without giving me the eye

Oh Kinky Oh Kinky your profile says 'not meeting'

But I'm struggling to sleep and really not eating

How I perv at your profile, ogle your breasts

Am I really considered one of those sex pests?

Oh Kinky Oh Kinky this is that last verse

As I write more lines and the feeling gets worse

But to compose tis poem was an absolute must

To convey this declaration of undying lust

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Apologies for typos. As you can imagine, it was a very emotional moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good work - hope it works

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Good work - hope it works

Well, if it doesn't:

Oh Minxie oh Minxie.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

alittle bit scary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nobody could say thats a lack of effort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good work - hope it works

Minxie - I looked for you on top of Devils Dyke last night! No mad waving woman of West Sussex to be seen..... Oh well......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good work - hope it works

Minxie - I looked for you on top of Devils Dyke last night! No mad waving woman of West Sussex to be seen..... Oh well......

ohhhhhhh oooooops I fell asleep and forgot ............. and it would have been at gatwick anyway lol - sorry - am I forgiven

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Awww how sweet....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello All,

During the mid to late 18th century, poets such as Wordsworth, Byron, Blake and Keats demonstrated that is was possible to woo ladies with poetry.

I have failed miderably yo tempt the object of my affections - Kinkyinhants thus far so have decided to employ a new strategy.

Like the great poets, I am not keeping my romanticism private. No, I am putting it all out there in the forums for all to see hoping that such a grand gesture will have the desired effect.

If you see Kinky, please direct her this way and keep your fingers crossed for me that she weeps with joy and that her heat his melted.

Oh Kinky Oh Kinky, I can't help but thinky

That if I met you I would feel in the pinky.

So splendind in your latex (It's not PVC)

Would you dress so sexily just for me?

Oh Kinky Oh Kinky, you're just down in Hants

Where I'd rip of my shirt and pull down my pants

Because that's the effect that you have on some folk

Most notably in and around Basingstoke

Oh Kinky Oh Kinky, you're so cool in the forum

Your posts entice people and tend not to bore 'em

And to get your attention, oh how I try

But you move swiftly past without giving me the eye

Oh Kinky Oh Kinky your profile says 'not meeting'

But I'm struggling to sleep and really not eating

How I perv at your profile, ogle your breasts

Am I really considered one of those sex pests?

Oh Kinky Oh Kinky this is that last verse

As I write more lines and the feeling gets worse

But to compose tis poem was an absolute must

To convey this declaration of undying lust

Impressed by your efforts to express your undying affection to our Kinky, but I think Carol Ann Duffy can sleep easy in her bed tonight......

Lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good work - hope it works

Minxie - I looked for you on top of Devils Dyke last night! No mad waving woman of West Sussex to be seen..... Oh well......

ohhhhhhh oooooops I fell asleep and forgot ............. and it would have been at gatwick anyway lol - sorry - am I forgiven

Oh...... as it's you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Impressed by your efforts to express your undying affection to our Kinky, but I think Carol Ann Duffy can sleep easy in her bed tonight......

Lol!

She can't - I'm stalking her too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Impressed by your efforts to express your undying affection to our Kinky, but I think Carol Ann Duffy can sleep easy in her bed tonight......

Lol!

She can't - I'm stalking her too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you tried Specsavers?

Failing that a good mental health professional? There really is much less stigma surrounding being declared clinically insane these days.

Fabulous poem and definitely up there with the greats. I'm quite sure it will be studied in English lessons in a couple of hundred years time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good work - hope it works

Minxie - I looked for you on top of Devils Dyke last night! No mad waving woman of West Sussex to be seen..... Oh well......

ohhhhhhh oooooops I fell asleep and forgot ............. and it would have been at gatwick anyway lol - sorry - am I forgiven

Oh...... as it's you

fank u - I didnt have to pull the I have been poorly routine either lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awwww are we all buying new hats and fascinators??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Awwww are we all buying new hats and fascinators?? "

That might be a little premature.

Give the man time to get some therapy first!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Oh Whacky, oh Whacky

Have you been at that baccy?

A poem a day for the next few days should do it.

(I think you should send her the monogamy one too. Just in case she thinks you are expecting her to be exclusive.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh Whacky, oh Whacky

Have you been at that baccy?

A poem a day for the next few days should do it.

(I think you should send her the monogamy one too. Just in case she thinks you are expecting her to be exclusive.)"

Exclusive? Me no unnerstand.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"(I think you should send her the monogamy one too. Just in case she thinks you are expecting her to be exclusive.)"

Good idea, here goes.

Monogamy is my favourite wood but it really is elusive.

But unlike it I'm not heavy and want nothing exclusive.

Thay should to the trick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awwwww

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ahem,.... should one start looking for formal wear? I am available for ushering duties, and maybe a bit of chauffeuring....

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

"Ahem,.... should one start looking for formal wear? I am available for ushering duties, and maybe a bit of chauffeuring....

"
i could bake the cake

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

"Awwww are we all buying new hats and fascinators?? "

Fascinators were first invented in 1820 when Professor Forbsy-Smythe accudentally shrank his wifes hat collection using his Patent Dimensional Dimminisher Device.

True fact.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Awwww are we all buying new hats and fascinators??

Fascinators were first invented in 1820 when Professor Forbsy-Smythe accudentally shrank his wifes hat collection using his Patent Dimensional Dimminisher Device.

True fact. "

Fascinating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A rare find,a man with brains,intellect,a healthy appetite for all things kinky and a fantastic smile, so where's the catch??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A rare find,a man with brains,intellect,a healthy appetite for all things kinky and a fantastic smile, so where's the catch??

The catch is that Kinky has a crazy life at the moment, has lost her mojo and isn't meeting right now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"(I think you should send her the monogamy one too. Just in case she thinks you are expecting her to be exclusive.)

Good idea, here goes.

Monogamy is my favourite wood but it really is elusive.

But unlike it I'm not heavy and want nothing exclusive.

Thay should to the trick."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A rare find,a man with brains,intellect,a healthy appetite for all things kinky and a fantastic smile, so where's the catch??

Aw shucks, where's that blushing thingy? Ah, here we are

What a lovely compliment, thank you. Think I shall leave the flat with steam in my stride today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A rare find,a man with brains,intellect,a healthy appetite for all things kinky and a fantastic smile, so where's the catch??

The catch is that Kinky has a crazy life at the moment, has lost her mojo and isn't meeting right now.

Aw but Kinky, how can you resist, you know it would be fun! His shirt alone would have me in stitches all evening

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"A rare find,a man with brains,intellect,a healthy appetite for all things kinky and a fantastic smile, so where's the catch??

The catch is that Kinky has a crazy life at the moment, has lost her mojo and isn't meeting right now.

Aw but Kinky, how can you resist, you know it would be fun! His shirt alone would have me in stitches all evening

And he can acomm...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Aw but Kinky, how can you resist, you know it would be fun! His shirt alone would have me in stitches all evening

That's a very beautiful shirt Fia. In fact, it's going on right now to entice the sunshine to come out to play. I'm prepared to suffer frostbite in the process.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Aw but Kinky, how can you resist, you know it would be fun! His shirt alone would have me in stitches all evening

That's a very beautiful shirt Fia. In fact, it's going on right now to entice the sunshine to come out to play. I'm prepared to suffer frostbite in the process."

I hope you have more luck with the sunshine than you've had with Kinky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A rare find,a man with brains,intellect,a healthy appetite for all things kinky and a fantastic smile, so where's the catch??

The catch is that Kinky has a crazy life at the moment, has lost her mojo and isn't meeting right now.

Aw but Kinky, how can you resist, you know it would be fun! His shirt alone would have me in stitches all evening

Ah, alas, it's not him, it's me. I'm broken.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ah, alas, it's not him, it's me. I'm broken.

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

I must point out that the above rubbish chorus belongs to messrs Martin, Buckland, Berryman & Champion.

I borrowed it for the purpose of this thread but I think we can all see by now that I'm a better poet/songsmith than any of the Coldplay mob.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've often wondered if Shakespeare had use of a computer in his day would he have written poetry reflecting use of modern technology. To this end I wrote this:

Such love wingeth it's way to thee,

Cross'd in a means of stubborn keys,

And bytes that bite such megabits,

Recieve my love in pageless hits.

Oh woe is me in my computing hour,

Wouldst my love leaveth me so dour?

That she would not return my hail,

And send me such a sweet email.

Copper'ed my lively wire,

Sing with love this earthly hour.

I have one simple wish for thee,

To sing with me in rhapsody.

Take, yea thieve, my numbered abode,

Convert'ed into a nameless mode,

And visit with me, this loneful night;

Come rest with me - at my website.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Ah, alas, it's not him, it's me. I'm broken.

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

I must point out that the above rubbish chorus belongs to messrs Martin, Buckland, Berryman & Champion.

I borrowed it for the purpose of this thread but I think we can all see by now that I'm a better poet/songsmith than any of the Coldplay mob."

How handy are you? What tools would you use for the fixing?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How handy are you? What tools would you use for the fixing?"

To be honest I don't know the extent of the problem or state of disrepair - but rest assured that I have a huge array of hardware in my garage for moments such as this.

Hang on, I don't have a garage.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"How handy are you? What tools would you use for the fixing?

To be honest I don't know the extent of the problem or state of disrepair - but rest assured that I have a huge array of hardware in my garage for moments such as this.

Hang on, I don't have a garage."

It looks like you have some competition from Wishy - and he's definitely got tools!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Does Wishy covet fair maiden from the Shire of Hamtun?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Does Wishy covet fair maiden from the Shire of Hamtun?"

I don't know who Wishy covets but he's posted a poem and I know from previous threads he has skill and tools.

Let's not forget, this is a woman with steel toe-capped boots and she shops at B&Q.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Let's not forget, this is a woman with steel toe-capped boots and she shops at B&Q."

Well then, she bloody well shouldn't be broken.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Nice emotional & evocative poems guys

Fancy a shag Kinks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does Wishy covet fair maiden from the Shire of Hamtun?"

Nay so, I fear said maiden has sets her sights on finer fettle than I.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Nay so, I fear said maiden has sets her sights on finer fettle than I.

Me and thee both fine sir. I bid you a good night and pray your quill drips ink of inspiration come morn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does Wishy covet fair maiden from the Shire of Hamtun?

I don't know who Wishy covets but he's posted a poem and I know from previous threads he has skill and tools.

Let's not forget, this is a woman with steel toe-capped boots and she shops at B&Q."

Not only steel toed but steel soled too. I demolished a wall the summer before last largely by kicking it down. That was a fun summer. (The wall needed to come down, I wasn't just being a vandal. I was only able to kick it down because it was frost damaged and the mortar was fairly poor, but as a means of small scale demolition it was entertaining.)

As for all the poetry,

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Does Wishy covet fair maiden from the Shire of Hamtun?

I don't know who Wishy covets but he's posted a poem and I know from previous threads he has skill and tools.

Let's not forget, this is a woman with steel toe-capped boots and she shops at B&Q.

As for all the poetry,

I'm loving the poetry

I once had a love song written for/about me. It didn't make the charts I liked it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does Wishy covet fair maiden from the Shire of Hamtun?

I don't know who Wishy covets but he's posted a poem and I know from previous threads he has skill and tools.

Let's not forget, this is a woman with steel toe-capped boots and she shops at B&Q.

As for all the poetry,

I'm loving the poetry

I once had a love song written for/about me. It didn't make the charts I liked it."

Ah, but do you not remember my fairly recent post about not wanting to meet anyone who wants to meet me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

^ That is the nature of my broken.

Grouchoitis.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Does Wishy covet fair maiden from the Shire of Hamtun?

I don't know who Wishy covets but he's posted a poem and I know from previous threads he has skill and tools.

Let's not forget, this is a woman with steel toe-capped boots and she shops at B&Q.

As for all the poetry,

I'm loving the poetry

I once had a love song written for/about me. It didn't make the charts I liked it.

Ah, but do you not remember my fairly recent post about not wanting to meet anyone who wants to meet me?"

I didn't see it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does Wishy covet fair maiden from the Shire of Hamtun?

I don't know who Wishy covets but he's posted a poem and I know from previous threads he has skill and tools.

Let's not forget, this is a woman with steel toe-capped boots and she shops at B&Q.

As for all the poetry,

I'm loving the poetry

I once had a love song written for/about me. It didn't make the charts I liked it.

Ah, but do you not remember my fairly recent post about not wanting to meet anyone who wants to meet me?

I didn't see it

Found and bumped.

I think the conclusion was I'm a basket case!

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Everyone's a fruit & nutcase....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Serenade For Eternity

17/06/2000

And to you, my dear, I raise my glass,

To toast the union of our souls,

That brings together the immortal joy,

Of lovers embraced in a cosmic dance.

And, - oh yes, - we have danced before,

I remember you from times long gone,

I seek your aura everytime I'm here,

I can feel the Quickening when you are near.

You do not know me, although you will,

Your essence is present as I can feel,

Your love that carries across the years,

We are soulmates, there are no tears.

We are linked through the Ether,

Umbilical to each other,

Time is our Father,

And Love - our Mother.

Who bring us back time and again,

To relive our lives and forget all pain,

That wrenches us when we are due,

To return to the Everlasting Blue.

It is so fine to find another,

Who is waiting for me, a familiar lover,

I can reach for her and know I'll find,

Welcoming arms and an open mind.

That knows we are playing the same old tune,

Who has joined with me as we raced the moon,

Around the world, oh, it was fun,

You are my truly, only one.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"^ That is the nature of my broken.

Grouchoitis."

Dear forum.

It is with great sadness that I bring news that the pursuit of Kinkyinhants has officially ended.

I can take knockbacks, I can take elusiveness and aloofness. I love a chase, it's all

the fun of the fair.

However, once my intended has officially declared that they suffer from Grouchoitis, then the chase is off.

For those not in the know - this is a particularly nasty and contagious condition and I fear that if I were to ever catch it, that would spell real danger to my 'sunny disposition'.

I would like to thank all those who posted their support, added their poetry and urged Kinky to 'do the right thing'. I'm sorry if I've let you down and I'm doubly sorry if you purchased items for the weddng.

It's time to move on. All great artists need a muse - I just have to find a great muse that needs an artist.

*Sob...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh that's just blimmin' charmin' innit, I posted me bestest poems for ya so she'd read them and go all mushy n stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"^ That is the nature of my broken.

Grouchoitis.

Dear forum.

It is with great sadness that I bring news that the pursuit of Kinkyinhants has officially ended.

I can take knockbacks, I can take elusiveness and aloofness. I love a chase, it's all the fun of the fair.

However, once my intended has officially declared that they suffer from Grouchoitis, then the chase is off.

For those not in the know - this is a particularly nasty and contagious condition and I fear that if I were to ever catch it, that would spell real danger to my 'sunny disposition'.

It's time to move on. All great artists need a muse - I just have to find a great muse that needs an artist.

*Sob..."

Damn! Oh well...

FOR SALE:- 1960 Bentley S2 Continental in white, with red Connolly leather int. Mulliner Park Ward special body. 73,000 miles from new. FBSH. 3 owners from new. Bought for wedding work, but no takers.....

Accept best offer over £59,000 (ovno)

(sob sob sob sob......

)

;-)

Pork

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

There is only one way into Kinky's knickers. You need to become an arse ! And make sure you are hungry

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

for sale

dried fruit

golden sugar

flour

cherries

heart shaped cake tin

assorted horshoe and cherubs(decorations

marzipan

royal iceing

and not forgetting my new shoes to go with my new outfit,i didnt bother with a fascinator

oh well,anybody no of a good wedding i can crash

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Lacey & Pork - I'm so sorry about this. I really did do my best.

It's times like this when I need to seek solace in my poetry once again.....

I wandered lonely as a spurned, bitter, grumpy, frustrated, cloud with no self esteem.

Wordsworth, William. 1802.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lacey & Pork - I'm so sorry about this. I really did do my best.

It's times like this when I need to seek solace in my poetry once again.....

I wandered lonely as a spurned, bitter, grumpy, frustrated, cloud with no self esteem.

Wordsworth, William. 1802.

Pansy.

oops, sorry, that was about daffodils wasn't it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grouchoitis is described in the thread I bumped last night about only wanting to meet people who don't want me.

Sorry everyone, I am broken.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Grouchoitis is described in the thread I bumped last night about only wanting to meet people who don't want me.

Sorry everyone, I am broken."

I've got some gaffer tape and a tube of no more nails. Any good?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Grouchoitis is described in the thread I bumped last night about only wanting to meet people who don't want me.

Sorry everyone, I am broken.

I've got some gaffer tape and a tube of no more nails. Any good?"

At this stage, anything is worth a try.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've often wondered if Shakespeare had use of a computer in his day would he have written poetry reflecting use of modern technology. To this end I wrote this:

Such love wingeth it's way to thee,

Cross'd in a means of stubborn keys,

And bytes that bite such megabits,

Recieve my love in pageless hits.

Oh woe is me in my computing hour,

Wouldst my love leaveth me so dour?

That she would not return my hail,

And send me such a sweet email.

Copper'ed my lively wire,

Sing with love this earthly hour.

I have one simple wish for thee,

To sing with me in rhapsody.

Take, yea thieve, my numbered abode,

Convert'ed into a nameless mode,

And visit with me, this loneful night;

Come rest with me - at my website. "

Very good..... Shakespeare was very naughty boy in his time, so nothing changes there

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