FabSwingers.com forum: Sex and the menopause

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Due to reasons beyond my control my body was forced to go straight into the menopause almost a year ago now. I was put on hrt and it has helped my symptoms. My biggest problem now is lack of a sex drive. I had a very full and active sex life up to the menopause.

I latterly have no interest in sex or haven't done. I'm not sure why I'm even writing this. Guess I'm just wondering I'd people have experienced the same? Did your sexdrive come back ? If it any tips on what one can do to help themselves get there mojo back?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey I know I might be the wrong sex to comment on this but I was recently talking with a lady that has recently went through it, she said she lost her sex drive for a short time and it came back twice as bad, I dident want to ask any more questions or anytning just out of respect that I dident know much about the subject but I hope you get everything back to how it once was

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear this.

I'm perimenopausal and my sex drive fluctuates.

Speaking to your gp is a good start. I've read that low levels of testosterone causes lack of libido. Maybe ask them about that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey I know I might be the wrong sex to comment on this but I was recently talking with a lady that has recently went through it, she said she lost her sex drive for a short time and it came back twice as bad, I dident want to ask any more questions or anytning just out of respect that I dident know much about the subject but I hope you get everything back to how it once was

What a lovely comment.

OP this him I can't really offer any help other than to say I Hooe it's temporary and you get your mojo back soon. X

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By *laymates30Couple
over a year ago

The West

According to a friend of mine who went through the exact same experience, testerone was a game changer, something you have to mention to your GP though. The more women who vocalise and normalise this the better for everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear this.

I'm perimenopausal and my sex drive fluctuates.

Speaking to your gp is a good start. I've read that low levels of testosterone causes lack of libido. Maybe ask them about that "

This ^.

You will need to be on the correct level of estrogen before they will prescribe testosterone though, if they prescribe it at all.

Have you used the balance app to track if you’re on the right amount at the moment?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"According to a friend of mine who went through the exact same experience, testerone was a game changer, something you have to mention to your GP though. The more women who vocalise and normalise this the better for everyone."

What does testerone mean? Is that not what hrt is ?

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I'm going through the menopause and have no sex drive at all, I'm unable to use hrt due to having cancer in the past.

Hopefully we will find our libido and it comes back with avengence.

Hopefully you'll feel being yourself soon.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks your that lovely comment

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear this.

I'm perimenopausal and my sex drive fluctuates.

Speaking to your gp is a good start. I've read that low levels of testosterone causes lack of libido. Maybe ask them about that "

Yah I might do but costs a small fortune every time I see the gp.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What a lovely comment.

OP this him I can't really offer any help other than to say I Hooe it's temporary and you get your mojo back soon. X"

Thank you. I hope so too x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear this.

I'm perimenopausal and my sex drive fluctuates.

Speaking to your gp is a good start. I've read that low levels of testosterone causes lack of libido. Maybe ask them about that

This ^.

You will need to be on the correct level of estrogen before they will prescribe testosterone though, if they prescribe it at all.

Have you used the balance app to track if you’re on the right amount at the moment? "

Never heard of the app. Thanks. I'll have to take a look at that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm going through the menopause and have no sex drive at all, I'm unable to use hrt due to having cancer in the past.

Hopefully we will find our libido and it comes back with avengence.

Hopefully you'll feel being yourself soon.

Have you spoken to a menopause specialist. Most Gp’s are not sufficiently trained in menopause/hrt, a lot of women have been told they can’t have it, when I fact they can.

There’s some Facebook support groups with some extremely knowledgeable (and well trained) women on there….?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been peri menopausal for the last four years. I used to have a very high libido up to that point but now I barely feel anything x

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By *laymates30Couple
over a year ago

The West

Most prescribed HRT is oestrogen and/or progesterone, testerone is only added in once the balance is right for the other two, from what I understand. Worth asking for bloods to check your levels. All the best with it and hope you get your mojo back

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear this.

I'm perimenopausal and my sex drive fluctuates.

Speaking to your gp is a good start. I've read that low levels of testosterone causes lack of libido. Maybe ask them about that

This ^.

You will need to be on the correct level of estrogen before they will prescribe testosterone though, if they prescribe it at all.

Have you used the balance app to track if you’re on the right amount at the moment?

Never heard of the app. Thanks. I'll have to take a look at that."

Don't know if theirs such a thing here in Ireland but I'll take a look. Thanks x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My sex drive did just the opposite and went into overdrive. Now, it fluctuates between wanting as much sex as I can get and "don't you dare touch me". I was on a social media group for menopausal women and so many of them said they lost their sex drive. I hope it comes back for you once your hormones have settled.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Most prescribed HRT is oestrogen and/or progesterone, testerone is only added in once the balance is right for the other two, from what I understand. Worth asking for bloods to check your levels. All the best with it and hope you get your mojo back

Thanks. I'll look into this.

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North/Blackpool

Deff get the balance app

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By *assy MissWoman
over a year ago

Sent to Coventry

I took 2 years away from here as I lost my sex drive completely.

HRT has prompted the return of my mojo thankfully.

Do push your GP to help, or ask for a referral to a specialist

I’m sure there will be a solution, but you may have to keep pushing to find it. Good luck OP xx

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By *nimal007Couple
over a year ago

Manchester

My Mrs is peri and her sex drive fluctuates from 0 -100. what we have found works when it is 0 is to push through and get her that O (might i add her idea not mine) and then the drive seems to come back for a while. She has said that when she is at O she does miss it even though there is no urge as such...I don't fully understand but try and help as much as I can....reading a lot and just being there for her. I probably know more about this subject than I should. She is also on HRT and when she spoke to the GP she was told yeah that's what happens....cos they're super helpful our doctors...In answer to your question about Testosterone that is the male hormone. HRT is a combination of Progesterone (female hormone) and Testosterone with different mixes of the 2 hormones in the 2 types of tables that you take over the course of the month in an attempt to regulate the levels in you body and alleviate the symptoms cause by the imbalance. i would be very careful taking any testosterone supplements outside of your HRT...this could cause more problems. You don't want to grow a beard!! or maybe you do lol...but seriously like others have said speak to your GP if they don't help ask for a referral. there is a lot of light being shined on this subject atm thanks to Davina McCall spearheading a campaign to raise awareness as not enough is none or being done to research the issues and fix the problem for all women who will at some point go through this!! Hope you get things sorted there is nothing worse than being at odds with your own body!!

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By *anilla switchWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

Dr Louise Newson is a GP and menopause specialist. She has a wide variety of podcasts and advice available.

As others have mentioned, sounds like the testosterone may need tweaking.

Thinking of you OP X

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

Her only replace 2 out of the three hormones so testosterone isn’t replaced witch give you your sex drive but it’s exspensive and they don’t like to prescribe it unless needed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 5 years post menopausal and yes my sex drive plummeted for a while, due to the obvious changes in our bodies but also how I viewed myself. I felt 'sexless', what with media portrayal of post menopausal women as being blue rinsed, twin set and t skirt wearing matrons, who only live for WRVS meetings, plus some guys who mean very well when they say oh you look great 'for your age'

. No, I'm not as firm as I was, yes, I have a few laughter lines. However, HRT has helped to a point and although I may not have sex with the frequency I used to as a younger woman, I have accepted that the sex I do have now is more adventurous and fun. Us older ladies are still attractive sexual beings, and hopefully the recent shift in menopause awareness amongst people will mean that we no longer have to sit at home alone knitting (yes, I can knit) while it's socially more acceptable for men my age to still be out there having sex.

Moan over lol.

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I’m perimenopausal too. And this has brought all sorts of health niggles that I could really do without.

so that makes me feel unsexy.

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

This happened to me too! I had a medical menopause prior to a total hysterectomy in 2019. It’s taken well over 2 years for my libido to show up. Still not 100% but a lot better than it was. Please speak to your GP as you might be lacking testosterone (although they are very reluctant to prescribe it). Please know you are no alone & good luck xx

J x

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By *WDomMan
over a year ago

Taunton

What does testerone mean? Is that not what hrt is ?"

The usual HRT only replaces oestrogen and progesterone. But testosterone also often takes a nose dive. Its not talked about as much because its thought of as a “male” hormone. But both sexes have it, just in different quantities.

There have been a few programmes on it in recent years, week or two ago was:

Davina McCall: Sex, Mind and the Menopause

On Ch4 should be in catch up, worth a watch.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks so much everyone for all the lovely advice. Will look into it all and contact my gp again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is such a comfort to read

I’m 6 months into patches now and my sex drive has come back. Not as fiercely as previously, but it’s there. Peri menopause isn’t nice - it’s a fucked up pain in the arse, but I’m hoping that I stay stable into menopause.

Good luck lovely

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By *rs mischiefWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

I am the same. In peri menopause, I have lost interest in sex in the main, but as I have a partner we do still have an active sex.life he is very understanding. I have found I'm less sensitive on my clit, so if I'm ready to cum and I hold it off to wait for my fella, I end up not being able to cum. The sensations have totally changed!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi there great post I was just going to post something similar regarding lack of libido due to antidepressants. I will read on with interest hope you also get your mojo back

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By *ld StrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Telford

I’ve been going through it for couple years. It fluctuates some times I’m literally dead waste down for few weeks then have months where I can’t get enough.

What I’ve noticed is my body has changed internally bar the obvious use of lube from time to time even though the inside is as turned as normal. Inside is more sensitive so when internal toys fingers are used it’s got to be more gentle than the usual smashing of the game controller on a boss fight otherwise it’s painful

If anything the sex drives good but fuck me im just more exhausted than normal

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By *rs mischiefWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

I’ve been going through it for couple years. It fluctuates some times I’m literally dead waste down for few weeks then have months where I can’t get enough.

If anything the sex drives good but fuck me im just more exhausted than normal

Yes! I'm like that too, inside is more sensitive and the usual play is now too rough! We're finding new ways! Somedays it's great others it's like nothing turns me on!

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Do post menopausal women find it hard to orgasm? I was with a lady at the weekend and I'm pretty damn sure she didn't cum? Now I'm no stud but I normally manage to get the lady to achieve this. Just wondered what the state of play is?

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Do post menopausal women find it hard to orgasm? I was with a lady at the weekend and I'm pretty damn sure she didn't cum? Now I'm no stud but I normally manage to get the lady to achieve this. Just wondered what the state of play is?"

It means you've completed sex and should give it up now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hated sex in my 20s & 30s I couldn't relax, I had my first orgasim when I was 41 not got going to lie I didn't know what was happening .. it was embarrassing but unreal .. that's the truth x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi there great post I was just going to post something similar regarding lack of libido due to antidepressants. I will read on with interest hope you also get your mojo back

Thank you and same to you.

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Kettering

It means you've completed sex and should give it up now "

My worst nightmare has just turned up to say hello

does anyone have any rope?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely speak to your GP.

I’ve had barely any sex drive for a couple of years now. Thought I may have been peri menopausal but went for a private consultation with hormone screening, egg scanning, the lot and nope, I’m not. Don’t know what my issue is.

Good luck to you, hope you get sorted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very very rare that any man makes me orgasm, don’t care how good or gorgeous they are.

I can do it myself in minutes though

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Very very rare that any man makes me orgasm, don’t care how good or gorgeous they are.

I can do it myself in minutes though

Thank god for that !! Thought I'd lost my touch

Something to work on then !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. I don't orgasm (with a man). Also certain meds can affect the ability to orgasm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the moment my sex drive has remained steady, but the over whelming fatigue during the day, due to waking with night sweats is taking it's toll at the moment.

Definite visit to my GP soon

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By *inkerbell67Woman
over a year ago

Clacton on sea essex

Im on antidepressants and diabetic meds and its killed my sex drive and I'm not aloud on HRT due to medical Condition, 4 years since ..

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By *tM-TomMan
over a year ago

London

I read someone saying they hurt inside and can't be as rough as before. I hope it's okay to respond with my experience. With menopause the lack of oestrogen causes vaginal atrophy, so it thins. It can tear easily and more prone to infection. As a trans man, I don't have oestrogen, or very little, and i have the same problem. I have to use oestrogen pessaries, like vagifem. They are a godsend and I really recommend. They help with the discomfort. GP can prescribe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be great if we could even get the hormones right now! I cannot even access Progesterone right now due to a shortage of HRT as mine is used in conjunction with it so am having to go cold Turkey and it’s becoming living hell at night and in work

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Definitely speak to your GP.

Good luck to you, hope you get sorted

Thank you. Hope you get to the bottom of your issues too

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

Very very rare that any man makes me orgasm, don’t care how good or gorgeous they are.

I can do it myself in minutes though

Do you ever show the bloke how you like it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before I even looked. I knew this thread would be a woman. Love it.

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Yes. I don't orgasm (with a man). Also certain meds can affect the ability to orgasm. "

I put a powerful vibrator / wand on to her clit the other night and there was no reaction ! Most women I've used that on are screaming even on the lowest setting so I'm guessing her sensitivity has reduced dramatically? Either that or I'd forgotten to plug it in !!

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By *romagefraisWoman
over a year ago

Sunderland

Very very rare that any man makes me orgasm, don’t care how good or gorgeous they are.

I can do it myself in minutes though

Do you ever show the bloke how you like it?"

Personally I find it's a mental issue rather than a physical one, that doesn't mean what he's doing doesn't feel amazing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes. I don't orgasm (with a man). Also certain meds can affect the ability to orgasm.

I find that hard to believe lol. I do love the wand myself and a few of my friends have them. We all like different settings and intesty

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Yes. I don't orgasm (with a man). Also certain meds can affect the ability to orgasm.

I find that hard to believe lol. I do love the wand myself and a few of my friends have them. We all like different settings and intesty"

I will just have to keep practicing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. I don't orgasm (with a man). Also certain meds can affect the ability to orgasm.

I find that hard to believe lol. I do love the wand myself and a few of my friends have them. We all like different settings and intesty

I will just have to keep practicing

They do nothing for me, just irritating!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm 5 years post menopausal and yes my sex drive plummeted for a while, due to the obvious changes in our bodies but also how I viewed myself. I felt 'sexless', what with media portrayal of post menopausal women as being blue rinsed, twin set and t skirt wearing matrons, who only live for WRVS meetings, plus some guys who mean very well when they say oh you look great 'for your age'

Moan over lol. "

I didn’t know Mrs had posted this so I would like to add my tuppenceworth, I had the good fortune to have met her 21/2 years ago and I think she is a beautiful and very very attractive lady and I know for a fact most people who meet her think the same

She is sexier than any woman half her age

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

I’ve lost mine completely …. 3yrs post menopausal now …. And honestly I’d rather have a cup of tea then sex ha ha ….

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

Unfortunately I think it's a common side effect of menopause & perimenopause as others have said everyone's different for some it fluctuates, for some it never comes back for some it comes back twice as bad

Mine fluctuates, thankfully I have an understanding husband but he much prefers the high sex drive me & makes the most of it when he can to make up for my times of un interest

I've found browsing the forums, porn etc definitely helps if I'm struggling & want to get in the mood more

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes. I don't orgasm (with a man). Also certain meds can affect the ability to orgasm.

I find that hard to believe lol. I do love the wand myself and a few of my friends have them. We all like different settings and intesty

I will just have to keep practicing

They do nothing for me, just irritating!"

Yah I find it very hard to get off with the wand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks to the initiator of this thread.

My partner I think is now post peri and has had all the symptoms you can think of for the past 3years..being cold, then sweats...all times of the day. Lack of focus, sleepless nights.

Also theres the complete loss of sex drive. If we do do anything there has to be tons of lube but in all honesty it's now too painful which she puts down to vaginally atrophy.

I guess I'm asking, as she is worried to go on hrt, will we resume a more normal sex life in the future? I'll be honest, while I have been as patient and understanding as possible but it has out a massive strain on thing

And I'm hoping things turn around. Can anyone help?

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By *cruffymooWoman
over a year ago

Skelmersdale

I'm going through the menopause currently, although reading the messages it sounds like I'm doing alright. For me my sex drive has always been high (with exception to when I was married

) with menopause its through the roof can't get enough. The night sweats are worse than the day ones & have to have the fan on every night. The brain fog is my worst thing can't seem to process anything, struggle to remember things & feel like I've lost the plot most of the time. Urinary frequency is a problem & have to plan journeys around pit stops. Sleep is a problem, don't get enough sleep & what I do get is broken to go to the loo. Other than that it's great! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Due to reasons beyond my control my body was forced to go straight into the menopause almost a year ago now. I was put on hrt and it has helped my symptoms. My biggest problem now is lack of a sex drive. I had a very full and active sex life up to the menopause.

Both parties here have hormone issues. Babe with menopause. When started menopause, sex drive dwindled for around 6months. But once on HRT etc, sex drive back to normal, if anything much higher. Just suffers with some dryness after prolonged sex . The testosterone thing for women is not commonly known about, but women DO have it and usually lose it in menopause. It's just men have it on massive amounts. Women produce much lower amounts along with oestrogen, through the ovaries.

Gone through possibly male equivalent , I think, because of a brain/glandular injury. But an understanding partner is more than half the battle (if that's how you see it) , won.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can any women advise of any natural products or anything I can buy over the counter to help with my labido?

So want to please hubby for his sake and get the sex back on track, but I'm so uninterested in sex right NOW with my menopause so need something to help me. PLEASE

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can any women advise of any natural products or anything I can buy over the counter to help with my labido?

So want to please hubby for his sake and get the sex back on track, but I'm so uninterested in sex right NOW with my menopause so need something to help me. PLEASE "

Do you want your sex drive back?

There’s nothing natural over the counter- speak to your GP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there, GP's currently so unhelpful

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Can any women advise of any natural products or anything I can buy over the counter to help with my labido?

So want to please hubby for his sake and get the sex back on track, but I'm so uninterested in sex right NOW with my menopause so need something to help me. PLEASE "

Have you been to the doctors? I think that’s the best bet x

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Been there, GP's currently so unhelpful "

Oh sorry. I missed this comment!

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By *ackinthegame69Woman
over a year ago

Derby

Glad I found this post. I was diagnosed with estrogen positive breast cancer in 2018. My ex- partner rejected me emotionally and sexually. I went through a really quick intense menopause. Anyhow, treatment took priority for me..so I neglected what was happening with my vagina. I have recently been diagnosed with vaginal atrophy by my GP. I have had a referral to see a gynaecologist, but decided to address things ASAP. So I have been and had my first treatment of vaginal rejuvenation today. It’s uncomfortable, but I’m hoping that it will help me get back into the swing of things!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Glad I found this post. I was diagnosed with estrogen positive breast cancer in 2018. My ex- partner rejected me emotionally and sexually. I went through a really quick intense menopause. Anyhow, treatment took priority for me..so I neglected what was happening with my vagina. I have recently been diagnosed with vaginal atrophy by my GP. I have had a referral to see a gynaecologist, but decided to address things ASAP. So I have been and had my first treatment of vaginal rejuvenation today. It’s uncomfortable, but I’m hoping that it will help me get back into the swing of things!

Been told that is an incredibly painful condition. Hope your treatment and your rejuvenated vag all go well!

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By *tms1xCouple
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Mate wife is going through menopause and please all stick with it there is light at the end of the tunnel!

She is on hrt and a while in her mojo is back! I’ve gotta say early doors it wasn’t easy to say the least and frustrating (for both) but when you marry it’s for better or worse admitting they didn’t add menopause in the vows but hang in support listen etc and it will work out!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Off to look up vaginal rejuvenation

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By *_Love_CandyWoman
over a year ago

Greater London

I THINK I am premenapausal. But. My sex drive has gone haywire. Just want it continously! Maybe I'm odd lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I THINK I am premenapausal. But. My sex drive has gone haywire. Just want it continously! Maybe I'm odd lol"

Makes two of us then. I was always horny at that stage.

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