FabSwingers.com forum: Funny lines from films

By *B9 Queen OP Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

What lines from films do you love?

One of my favourites is from The Quiet Man where John Wayne arrives at a little Irish railway station and asks for directions. The porter points at a road in the distance and says, "See that road there? Don't take that one, it'll do you no good."

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I will be back....

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Tommy DeVito: Sure, mom, I settle down with a nice girl every night, then I'm free the next morning.

Goodfella my fav film of all time...

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By *B9 Queen OP Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Annie Hall (Woody Allen): "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The classic

"Can you fly this plane and land it?" "Surely you can't be serious." "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

"The classic

"Can you fly this plane and land it?" "Surely you can't be serious." "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

If your think the waitress's hate you now, wait until you give them crabs then you will know what reall hatred is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you know, i am so romantic, sometimes i just think i should marry myself - Mike (Monsters Inc)

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By *eminiman61Man
over a year ago

mansfield

Your only supposed to blow the bloody doors off

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By *eminiman61Man
over a year ago

mansfield

How about the classic one where Dels stood at the bar and says "just act cool" leans on the bar but its not there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam. -- Uncle Buck (John Candy)

Col

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What lines from films do you love?

Victor McLagen is my great great uncle. He should have beaten Wayne it that film, especially as in real life he fought for the World Heavyweight Championship!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam. -- Uncle Buck (John Candy)

Col

THat whole scene is brilliant, hi I'm buck melanoma moley Russell's wart, wart that's what they call me uncle wart

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By *irtydanMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

"Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam. -- Uncle Buck (John Candy)

Col

THat whole scene is brilliant, hi I'm buck melanoma moley Russell's wart, wart that's what they call me uncle wart"
fantastic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not from a film but a Paul calf Christmas special, you've got shit on your shoe you shitTy shoe'd bastard,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blazing Saddles, that film is genious.

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood.

The Late River Phoenix, Stand By Me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The classic

"Can you fly this plane and land it?" "Surely you can't be serious." "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."

And from this film

" there's no reason to become alarmed-and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight, but is there anybody on board who knows how to fly a plane ?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Annie Hall (Woody Allen): "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.""

Another Woody Allen line from Sleeper. On being woken from 100's of years sleep he is told his brain might have been damaged.

His reply..... "My brain? Oh no! That's my second favourite organ.."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your only supposed to blow the bloody doors off

Far better one from The Italian Job which usually goes over everyones heads. In the 'dentist', Camp Freddie tells Mr Bridger (Noel Coward) that he has found the computer expert Prof Peach (Benny Hill) but is worried that he won't play ball as he may not 'be bent'.

Bridgers (Cowards!) reply.... "Camp Freddie... EVERYBODY in the World is BENT!"

PMSL every time I watch it and people still ask 'what's funny about that....?' I give up sometimes.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood.

The Late River Phoenix, Stand By Me. "

Class

Originaly from Four Past Midnight by Steven King, a book of four short stories.

The Body being Stand By Me.

Also Shawshank Redemption and two more stories I can't remember.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood.

The Late River Phoenix, Stand By Me.

Class

Originaly from Four Past Midnight by Steven King, a book of four short stories.

The Body being Stand By Me.

Also Shawshank Redemption and two more stories I can't remember."

the long walk and the running man are the others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tropic Thunder--

[Jeff, Kirk, and Kevin have just learned Alpa is gay]

Jeff Portnoy: Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.

Alpa Chino: Man, I told you for the last time, I love tha pussy!

Jeff Portnoy: I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy. Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.

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By *ushandkittyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood.

The Late River Phoenix, Stand By Me.

Class

Originaly from Four Past Midnight by Steven King, a book of four short stories.

The Body being Stand By Me.

Also Shawshank Redemption and two more stories I can't remember.

the long walk and the running man are the others"

The Body and Shawshank, were from different season alone with Apt Pupil and The Breathing Method.

Long walk and Running man were part of the Bachman Books along with Rage and Roadwork.

Four past midnight consisted of The Langoliers, Secret window-secret garden, The Library Policeman, and The Sun Dog

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

Well I was dreaming I was awake but when I woke up I found myself asleep. Laurel and Hardy.

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By *aybe_amyWoman
over a year ago

Wales

Gotta be Happy Gilmore, many great lines, but think my favourite is:

Shooter McGavin

"I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"

Happy Gilmore

"You eat pieces of shit for breakfast"?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have balls......I love your balls"

Team America.

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By *andS66Couple
over a year ago

Derby

Groucho Marc....

'there's no such thing as sanity clause'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""You have balls......I love your balls"

Team America."

... and also from Team America...

"You had me at 'Dicks fuck assholes'..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Team America "We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Team America "We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!""

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By *eneral HysteriaMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I will be back...."

no no no.... if it's Arnie it has to be:

"Do you remember I told you I'd kill you last? I lied"

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By *ushandkittyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

What have the Romans ever done for us?????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"never rub another mans rhubarb" batman jack nicholson as the joker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you even seen a man eat his own head?

Now.suck my dick!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gary Johnston: [Gary sees the limo] Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to get inside your limo and let you put your finger inside me. And if I go down on you, I get a movie part.

Spottswoode: Uh, no. I just want to show you something.

Gary Johnston: Yeah I bet you do.

Spottswoode: Please, Gary. I'm not from Hollywood, I'm not going to fuck your mouth, and my time is EXTREMELY valuable!

[Gary gets in the limo]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hangover two:

Stu: I have a demon in me!

Wedding guests: you have what?

Alan:he said he has semen in him!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Super troopers

Captain O'Hagan: I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says, " Shenanigans."

Mac: Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?

Farva: You mean Shenanigans?

Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Thorny: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

[as they hand the Captain their pistols]

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By *ll of a QuiverCouple
over a year ago

Douglas

"Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood.

The Late River Phoenix, Stand By Me. "

Thought it was Wil Wheaton playing Gordie Lachance who said that?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

My favourite is Sid James saying 'this is the wife, don't laugh' and then saying:

"smoke"?

"no thanks, I tried it once and didn't like it"

Then Sid says:

"oh...a drink?"

"no thanks, I tried it once and didn't like it...nor does my daughter"

To which Sid says:

"your only one, I assume" and then does his dirty laugh.

Classic Carry On!

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By *i de BiCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

"What have the Romans ever done for us?????"

" i have a very good friend in Rome called Bigusdickus"

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

A little more obscure but incredibly funny in context is Walter Matthau shouting "enter!" instead of 'come in!' with Jack Lemon in 'The Sunshine Boys'.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"What have the Romans ever done for us?????

" i have a very good friend in Rome called Bigusdickus"

Omg the whole scene!!!!

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"What have the Romans ever done for us?????

" i have a very good friend in Rome called Bigusdickus"

Omg the whole scene!!!!"

"wanks as high as any man in Wome"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do I feel lucky.

Well!! Do you punk??

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By *B9 Queen OP Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

From Smokey and the Bandit just last night:

"No way you could have come from my loins. When I get home I'm gonna punch your momma in the mouth."

(The sheriff to his dopey son).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In Blood Diamond Leo says 'Well, off the record, I like to get kissed before I get fucked'...

This amused me greatly!

Accidently said it to the boss the other day, good job she has a sense of humor

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By *araidWoman
over a year ago

the west (ish)

“One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty.”

? Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"we should get a bigger boat" - Richard Dreyfus in 'Jaws' and it was an adlib as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anchor man -

'Once I ate a big red candle...'

'I love lamp'

'LOUD NOISES!!'

Could go on and on, such a legendary film!

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By *araidWoman
over a year ago

the west (ish)

Cars 2 (2011)

Finn McMissile: Finn McMissile, British intelligence.

Mater: Tow Mater, average intelligence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its nice to meet another stephen king fan

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By *B9 Queen OP Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Infamy, infamy - they've all got it in for me!" Carry on Cleo.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

""Infamy, infamy - they've all got it in for me!" Carry on Cleo."

brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'It beats any meat injection. That beats any fucking cock in the world.' Trainspotting.

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By *B9 Queen OP Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Rubber dinghy rapids" - Four Lions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fat, d*unk, and stupidis no wayto go through life,son.". Animal house.

"I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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By *r_TrojanMan
over a year ago

In The North

"My God. I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school." - Fight Club

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By *awkeye and HotlipsCouple
over a year ago

Takeley

When Harry met Sally:

Billy Crystal" I had sex with a woman the other night, the sex was that good, I took her to a place I didn't know possible, I made her meouw"

Bruno Kirby" You made a woman meouw?"

BC" it was incredible"

BK" you made a woman meouw?"

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By *riskynriskyCouple
over a year ago

Essex.

Corny line...

"You're bleeding!"

"I aint got time to bleed!"

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By *ostcauseMan
over a year ago

dukinfield

Carry On Henry

Babs Windsor as Anne Boleyn " Youre only after 1 thing"

Sid James as Henry " Why whats up with the other one"

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