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" " Don’t fuck your mother-in-law. And don’t make wild promises about running through the streets naked if man United don’t win the league, unless you have the balls to go through with it! | |||
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" Don’t fuck your mother-in-law. And don’t make wild promises about running through the streets naked if man United don’t win the league, unless you have the balls to go through with it! " Who said that | |||
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later. " Or go into a cubicle for a slash, leaving the door open so people don’t think you’re having a shit | |||
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later. Or go into a cubicle for a slash, leaving the door open so people don’t think you’re having a shit " But if you do this when all urinals are free it’s universally accepted that you have a small penis. | |||
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"If she says I’m gonna cum he must immediately cum and spoil it for her. " Your logics flawed what if he's one of those very elusive legendary multiple cummers .you know the type they can fill a bucket and still be pumping it out | |||
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"One pint does not mean one pint." | |||
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"If a woman says she’s fine then she’s not fine .." It’s alright though. If she says she’s fine then you’re in the clear. | |||
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later. " Or use the cubicle | |||
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"If she says “I was thinking….” be prepared to be bankrupt." Or very sore from the diy | |||
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"If she says “I was thinking….” be prepared to be bankrupt. Or very sore from the diy" It usually means we’re getting new carpets or sofas | |||
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later. Or go into a cubicle for a slash, leaving the door open so people don’t think you’re having a shit But if you do this when all urinals are free it’s universally accepted that you have a small penis." And no talking at the urinals. It's just weird. | |||
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later. Or go into a cubicle for a slash, leaving the door open so people don’t think you’re having a shit But if you do this when all urinals are free it’s universally accepted that you have a small penis. And no talking at the urinals. It's just weird." And no dawdling. Even if that means risking a dribble | |||
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"(Gate crashes thread ) Speed limit signs are advisory " Indicators? What are those? | |||
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"Shopping on your own should take no more than 3 hours." Minutes*** | |||
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"Shopping on your own should take no more than 3 hours." When clothes shopping with a woman, the dress she rejected in the first shop WILL be the dress she buys after dragging you around 10 other shops. | |||
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"If she tells you to do what you like, definitely do not do it " | |||
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"If she asks for toast when she’s pregnant so not try and be a nice husband and bring cheese on toast " Do not** | |||
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"She’s right. Even when she’s wrong she’s right " *sighs* Oh, the holy grail | |||
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"When she doesn’t know what she wants to eat and asks you to pick something she will want the exact opposite of whatever you pick." That's why you suggest the opposite of what you really want | |||
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"When she doesn’t know what she wants to eat and asks you to pick something she will want the exact opposite of whatever you pick. That's why you suggest the opposite of what you really want " That’s next level boyfriend/husband stuff | |||
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" " if at first you dont succeed...do it the wifes way.. | |||
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" " when she says...whats mine is mine and whats yours belongs to me... | |||
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"If she says I’m gonna cum he must immediately cum and spoil it for her. " Or when she says don't come. Sadly true. | |||
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"Lefty loosey Righty tighty" You called? | |||
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"I know the one they ALL do not know. The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies " What about when she asks if her bum looks big in this? | |||
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later. " Exactly. Same on treadmills | |||
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" And no talking at the urinals. It's just weird." Reminds me of an old French joke: de Gaulle and Pompidou went to the toilet in the interval during a theatrical play. Pompidou started the conversation "C'est une drôle de pièce" "Devant toi!" Replied De Gaulle. | |||
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"I know the one they ALL do not know. The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies What about when she asks if her bum looks big in this?" just reply, no,it doesn't look big,it is big | |||
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" Don’t fuck your mother-in-law. And don’t make wild promises about running through the streets naked if man United don’t win the league, unless you have the balls to go through with it! Who said that " I wasn’t aware of the mother in law rule. | |||
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"You never read a manual " What’s a manual? Is it Spanish? | |||
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"Shopping on your own should take no more than 3 hours. When clothes shopping with a woman, the dress she rejected in the first shop WILL be the dress she buys after dragging you around 10 other shops." It’s like the movie Sliding doors, eternal ongoing changes....... | |||
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"When she doesn’t know what she wants to eat and asks you to pick something she will want the exact opposite of whatever you pick. That's why you suggest the opposite of what you really want " And the game you can’t win begins..... | |||
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"Treat women with respect, incl. sluts... " I always do. Honest mam! | |||
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"You never shoot a guy in the dick." Would you rather be shot in the dick or the face | |||
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"You never shoot a guy in the dick. Would you rather be shot in the dick or the face " If they're accurate enough to be able to give me a choice, I'll choose a glancing blow to the cheek. | |||
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" If asked about who was there, never mention girls names even when platonic. " "Chris and Ashley" | |||
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" If asked about who was there, never mention girls names even when platonic. "Chris and Ashley" " Ahh! Too late! | |||
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke " Hahaha one of hubby’s favourite games is heading straight to the urinal next to somebody and making conversation. He says you can literally see the eyes crossing as it’s like they’re seeing something that doesn’t actually exist | |||
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"Remember what ever happens, when it doesn't go right or well, it's your fault. You may not of even know what is going on, it is still your fault" | |||
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"Always leave one urinal free between you and the next bloke If there isn’t a choice to do this, you leave and come back later. Or go into a cubicle for a slash, leaving the door open so people don’t think you’re having a shit But if you do this when all urinals are free it’s universally accepted that you have a small penis. And no talking at the urinals. It's just weird. And no dawdling. Even if that means risking a dribble " DON’T try and take a sneaky look at the next blokes cock! | |||
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"I know the one they ALL do not know. The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies What about when she asks if her bum looks big in this?" If it does then say yes. Gives her the option to change the outfit. I have a serious aversion to lies of any kind | |||
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"Obvious one but don’t agree to anything to do with your relationship during sex" Or at anytime alcohol is involved. I have seen many sad, miserable, hungover men being dragged around IKEA on a Sunday morning | |||
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"I know the one they ALL do not know. The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies What about when she asks if her bum looks big in this? If it does then say yes. Gives her the option to change the outfit. I have a serious aversion to lies of any kind " To be honest if my wife asks that question the correct answer is always yes. She is proud of her booty | |||
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"When she doesn’t know what she wants to eat and asks you to pick something she will want the exact opposite of whatever you pick." Your first suggestion will be a good one, something she usually likes, but she will say no, saying she doesn’t feel like having that | |||
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"If she asks “do I look good in their outfit?”, it’s an automatic yes wonderful without even a teeny tiny split second to consider (even if it means you don’t have time to register eye contact)…. " No, can’t be too hasty or it will be obvious they you are just saying yes to get out the door. Have a proper look and then say it look fantastic. | |||
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"I know the one they ALL do not know. The best way to piss off a woman is to lie to her. Even white lies What about when she asks if her bum looks big in this? If it does then say yes. Gives her the option to change the outfit. I have a serious aversion to lies of any kind " What if her arse looks nice in every outfit, because her arse is, in fact, massive? Would it save time to just say that when presented with the first option? Does arse look big? Well yes but it’s not going to look smaller in any other outfits is it? | |||
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"Obvious one but don’t agree to anything to do with your relationship during sex Or at anytime alcohol is involved. I have seen many sad, miserable, hungover men being dragged around IKEA on a Sunday morning" That is usually punishment rather than something he has agreed to. I was having a punishment shopping outing inflicted on me once in Harvey nicks in London, and while she was off trying something on, the assistants ran over to me and said right, looks like you have been brought here as a punishment, what did you do. So they broke their arses laughing at the explanation and brought me a cup of tea. | |||
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"The middle aisle of Lidl and Aldi are essentially a man crèche " ... not a ball pit then?! | |||
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"The middle aisle of Lidl and Aldi are essentially a man crèche ... not a ball pit then?! " ... or the pub??! | |||
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"If she says “I was thinking….” be prepared to be bankrupt." or be prepared to learn a new DIY skill that trade professionals get paid a fortune for!! | |||
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"If you happen to have sex on the first date and girl has matching bra and nickers - it’s not you who decided you have sex today " Erm... could have been just in case got run over by a bus?! | |||
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"If you happen to have sex on the first date and girl has matching bra and nickers - it’s not you who decided you have sex today Erm... could have been just in case got run over by a bus?! " | |||
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" If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that" Well if it's ALWAYS itching... seek help | |||
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"Lefty loosey Righty tighty" Unless it's a fuel gas in which case it's lefty tightly | |||
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"Lefty loosey Righty tighty Unless it's a fuel gas in which case it's lefty tightly " If in doubt change the rules, eh | |||
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"(Gate crashes thread ) Speed limit signs are advisory " What's a speed limit? | |||
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" If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that Well if it's ALWAYS itching... seek help " Clearly you don’t see guys out in public doing that? | |||
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" If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that Well if it's ALWAYS itching... seek help Clearly you don’t see guys out in public doing that?" ...maybe the question should then be why do some guys not care that they do that in public? | |||
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"(Gate crashes thread ) Speed limit signs are advisory What's a speed limit? " Rough estimates allowed | |||
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"If she says I’m gonna cum he must immediately cum and spoil it for her. " Jesus...have we met before? | |||
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"You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both. if you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself." How do you get away with that! | |||
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"if there is a little bit of poo on the side of the toilet bowl when you go for a wee you must attempt to "shoot" it of with said wee and if you don't complete it before to stream runs out your a looser. this is also known as "Cleaning the Toilet" when asked when the last time you did it was by the OH... " How times change. This used to be chasing fag butts in the pin loo | |||
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"if there is a little bit of poo on the side of the toilet bowl when you go for a wee you must attempt to "shoot" it of with said wee and if you don't complete it before to stream runs out your a looser. this is also known as "Cleaning the Toilet" when asked when the last time you did it was by the OH... How times change. This used to be chasing fag butts in the pin loo " … pub loo | |||
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"Always send dick pics with 1st message" … unless submitting a job allocation | |||
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"Never fuck the sister in law." The ryan gigs rule | |||
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" If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that Well if it's ALWAYS itching... seek help Clearly you don’t see guys out in public doing that? ...maybe the question should then be why do some guys not care that they do that in public? " Because it feels good | |||
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"That when you use public toilets, you wash your hands after. Sadly not all men do." Sadly the same can be said for women too - gives me the ick! | |||
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"Never fuck the sister in law. The ryan gigs rule " Yes… and no looking at your best mates missus! Otherwise known as the John terry law!!! | |||
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" If a man says he will do something, he will do it. And he doesn’t need to be nagged every 6 months about it. " | |||
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"That when you use public toilets, you wash your hands after. Sadly not all men do. Sadly the same can be said for women too - gives me the ick! " | |||
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