FabSwingers.com forum: The Feeling of Loneliness

By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Ever had moments where you can't help but feel lonely?

I know I do from time to time. I think it's because I miss being with friends whether it's socially or at a club. Even when I'm at a club by myself with plenty of people, there is this feeling of loneliness deep down as I would look around and see everyone who are with their friends and I'm just there by myself with no one to talk to. I still enjoy myself at the end of the day but sometimes wish there was someone I could enjoy the day with.

Perhaps I still have some problems socializing and still find it hard to approach new people. This is something I'm gonna have to work on but it won't be easy with me having Asperger's.

Until then, I'm gonna have to do my best not to feel lonely all the time as it's a right downer.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. If you’re enjoying yourself don’t sweat it. I like being on my own sometimes.

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By *inkerbell67Woman
over a year ago

Clacton on sea essex

I have autism and I struggle with socializing and communication skills and feel alone a lot of the time ...

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Minus the asperger's, I can relate exactly to you OP. I'm going to have to join some clubs just to get out of the house and get me talking to people.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"I have autism and I struggle with socializing and communication skills and feel alone a lot of the time ..."

I know that feeling. It can be quite crippling sometimes, can't it?

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I’ve had conversations about this recently about how you can be at a party or out with friends or in a relationship and still feel very lonely. I’ve felt both in the past , but currently I’m single (sort of) and most my friends are in other countries and feel anything but lonely. I think it’s more about fulfilment, they close relationships / friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you aren't alone OP

. Px

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry to hear OP! Totally get it

I am feeling like that a bit lately, even tho I socialise or been socialising quite a lot lately, and am going in the right direction when it comes to personal development and achievements, I have moments where I feel lonely and I miss somebody to call mine. There, I said it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yip

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"Ever had moments where you can't help but feel lonely?

Perhaps I still have some problems socializing and still find it hard to approach new people. This is something I'm gonna have to work on but it won't be easy with me having Asperger's.

Until then, I'm gonna have to do my best not to feel lonely all the time as it's a right downer."

OP, are you just talking about swinging clubs or more generally? I know you didn't ask for advice so feel free to ignore me, but loads of other ways to meet people outside of Fab/clubs? Any hobbies you enjoy?

As I say, sorry if you were not looking for solutions! But lots of company on here too, if you ever get lonely!

Speaking personally, I used to hate being alone but have got much more comfortable in my own company as I've got older...

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By *urvytreatWoman
over a year ago

somewhere nice

I have autism OP, and I struggle too. I only have 3 friends and they live away from the area I live in.

I prefer to go to someone to talk, if they come to me I feel scared and anxious.

Hopefully if you’re attending the same club all the time, you’ll get to know some people and you’ll feel happier and not alone

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

"Ever had moments where you can't help but feel lonely?"

Yes. Frequently.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Ever had moments where you can't help but feel lonely?

Perhaps I still have some problems socializing and still find it hard to approach new people. This is something I'm gonna have to work on but it won't be easy with me having Asperger's.

Until then, I'm gonna have to do my best not to feel lonely all the time as it's a right downer.

As I say, sorry if you were not looking for solutions! But lots of company on here too, if you ever get lonely!

Speaking personally, I used to hate being alone but have got much more comfortable in my own company as I've got older..."

If I could meet people generally, I would but like I said, it's not that easy.

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By *oah VailMan
over a year ago

Dover

I feel alone most of the time.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"I have autism OP, and I struggle too. I only have 3 friends and they live away from the area I live in.

I prefer to go to someone to talk, if they come to me I feel scared and anxious.

Hopefully if you’re attending the same club all the time, you’ll get to know some people and you’ll feel happier and not alone"

When it comes to approaching people, I end up not doing so if they're already talking to someone as I would feel like I'm butting in.

As for being approached, I don't think anyone has ever approached me.

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By *urvytreatWoman
over a year ago

somewhere nice

It’s very hard isn’t it. It’s hard enough talking to strangers without the stress of getting a chat going

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"It’s very hard isn’t it. It’s hard enough talking to strangers without the stress of getting a chat going"

Exactly

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"Ever had moments where you can't help but feel lonely?

Perhaps I still have some problems socializing and still find it hard to approach new people. This is something I'm gonna have to work on but it won't be easy with me having Asperger's.

Until then, I'm gonna have to do my best not to feel lonely all the time as it's a right downer.

As I say, sorry if you were not looking for solutions! But lots of company on here too, if you ever get lonely!

Speaking personally, I used to hate being alone but have got much more comfortable in my own company as I've got older...

If I could meet people generally, I would but like I said, it's not that easy."

Oh, I get that, OP - and was no way a criticism. I wasn't sure if you were talking only about swinging clubs (I've never been so no idea about those) I was just suggesting you could think about things you enjoy doing and try to meet people around that? Mine's always sport, but joining a book club if you like reading etc. It's really hard to meet new people for sure, so was definitely not trying to suggest otherwise.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Ever had moments where you can't help but feel lonely?

Perhaps I still have some problems socializing and still find it hard to approach new people. This is something I'm gonna have to work on but it won't be easy with me having Asperger's.

Until then, I'm gonna have to do my best not to feel lonely all the time as it's a right downer.

As I say, sorry if you were not looking for solutions! But lots of company on here too, if you ever get lonely!

Speaking personally, I used to hate being alone but have got much more comfortable in my own company as I've got older...

If I could meet people generally, I would but like I said, it's not that easy.

The problem is I can't find anything outside to peek my interest.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Thought I'd try chatting in the general chat room, Didn't work as I couldn't think of what to talk about and everyone sort of knew each other so I left.

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By *uperhorny69erWoman
over a year ago

NORTHAMPTON

I'm not the most confident person when around people & find it difficult get the courage to spark up a conversation with people at clubs as I'm normally on my own & don't like to feel like I'm imposing on anyone,so I can relate in some way .

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"I'm not the most confident person when around people & find it difficult get the courage to spark up a conversation with people at clubs as I'm normally on my own & don't like to feel like I'm imposing on anyone,so I can relate in some way ."

That's exactly how I am.

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By *asepaul71Man
over a year ago

Buxton

I crave my own company love being alone in a crowded room or situation, as soon as there's someone there who talks to me I struggle but will try and listen, if I like them I do do anything to please n look after them. Conversation is difficult, I try, bombard with questions and tbh want someone one time ask me questions (I clam up when they do) , Deep down I would love to be with someone but I've grown to understand it ain't going to happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have lots of friends, but no-one I can really talk to if that makes sense..so end up feeling very lonely at times..as only see them when go out..

I also find men easier to talk to than women, as I have very little in common with women of my own age..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have lots of friends, but no-one I can really talk to if that makes sense..so end up feeling very lonely at times..as only see them when go out..

I also find men easier to talk to than women, as I have very little in common with women of my own age.."

The really talk to part makes sense . We all spend so much time being what our friends need us to be , giving them what they need from us .that we can forget to be ourselves and talk about what we want, what we need, how we feel because we are to wrapped up in trying to be the best friend we can be .

Made even worse if your friends have no idea about certain aspects of your life and would be freak out if they new, so you can't talk in them about certain things . This can lead to feeling lonely because you seem to have no one your can talk to who may understand.

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By *iss ImperfectWoman
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

I think it shows so much courage to open up and post something like this on a forum. I used to feel like this a lot and would berate myself for it. It took practice and patience, and learning to accept myself the way I am. I still have wobbles but feel comfortable in my own skin most of the time now and don’t feel so lonely anymore. Baby steps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had increasing feelings of loneliness over the past 10 years since divorce, but even when I was married I had them too. All friends melted away over time - my best friend from school days moved to Spain and just stopped contacting me literally overnight. Apparently as many as 20% of people say they have no close friends, so, weirdly, I'm not alone!

Most of society seems to revolve around 'coupledom' too, so when you're single you can feel excluded.

I'm an introvert and need my alone time, but that's very different to loneliness.

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By *ong-leggedblondWoman
over a year ago

Next Door

I have had to walk away from friends, due to things.

After that happened

I did feel lonely often, over time and me changing things in my life, I don't feel lonely very often now, even thou I am alone.

I don't really have anyone to open up too, I really struggle with this any way, and this has been abused in the past. I would like to find a friend that I can slowly open up too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes we can feel lonely because the world around us is only projecting good things. People only share the best snappets of their life and rarely show bad or lonely times. It's a normal feeling OP but finding comfort being on your own is key, once you find that your in a better place to invite people in.

Approaching people is horrific, I struggle with social situations massively and it's a daily battle that a lot of people face. Build your confidence little by little speaking to people and eventually it gets a little easier. Also don't be afraid of telling people about your condition from the get go, it might make you feel more comfortable being yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you aren't alone OP

. Px "

This.

I feel alone more often than not, and have done for many years. Try to learn that your not, it’s just a feeling. I create distractions and the feeling subsides. Try that.

I hit console games. Guitar. Chat on here and stuff.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

It's very easy to feel isolated and lonely on this site OP, on the forums or the chat room it's very easy to feel completely invisible and sadly I think the more I craved interaction the more invisible I felt. I do sympathise

As You Only Live Once has said, have a really good think about what you enjoy doing and what hobbies you have, then see if there are any groups based around that - online if real life is difficult until you get to know someone.

There are all sorts of groups out there, whether on social media or on special interest forums (I go out once a month with a restaurant group from Facebook, I chat every day to a couple of people I met at an online Georgette Heyer reading group, I'm still in occasional contact with a couple of people from night classes in Spanish and humanities, around once a month I meet up with someone I first met on a porn forum - there's a group out there to cover most interests!). It can be hit and miss finding one that appeals but it's worth persevering and if one group isn't working for you then look for another.

Socialising is a skill like any other, the more you do it the easier it becomes. It's just a question of finding people where you have something in common to start off that conversation.

Good luck OP

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"Ever had moments where you can't help but feel lonely?

Perhaps I still have some problems socializing and still find it hard to approach new people. This is something I'm gonna have to work on but it won't be easy with me having Asperger's.

Until then, I'm gonna have to do my best not to feel lonely all the time as it's a right downer."

Op there millions of people who want to be you're friends but feel the same way you need to make the frist step look for groups near you and go see if you like it.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Fab is a great place for you o/p. Join in with forum/cam chat. Lots of different topics up for discussion. Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have lots of friends, but no-one I can really talk to if that makes sense..so end up feeling very lonely at times..as only see them when go out..

I also find men easier to talk to than women, as I have very little in common with women of my own age..

Exactly...I am empathic too which makes me care too much..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have experienced been lonely on and off all my life, I haven't got someone that I can call mine but I've learnt to enjoy my own company.

Have been out with groups of friends and half way through the night I'd leave as I would just feel like a spare on nights out so I just removed myself from that group. I have learnt my happiness is more important than trying to please other people.

I have made some great friends here and we have gone for lunch, gone bowling etc

I still hope that at 48 I would meet someone who can be a "companion" God I'm old lol

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

Loneliness has steadily got worse as the years pass on.

The word isn't enough to describe how it feels now tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After coming out of a 20 year relationship, I’ve found most of my “friends” were her friends. However, after a little time I’m starting to make my own friends. As daft as it sounds, you have to put yourself out there, and yes you may be shy, but your personality will shine through.

Of this I’m certain. That being said.

Dude, if you need to talk, drop me a message, I may not reply instantly, but will reply.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Oddly enough I'm a happy loner, at ease with myself and happy being alone. Yet since I met My Girl I've never felt on my own in this world. She is a part of me, understands me and supports on a level I never thought was possible or have experience before. I am happy alone but will never be alone again.

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

With you on that one op, I often feel the most lonely in a large group. Hence why I tend to avoid them, I suspect as I age I'm heading towards being a hermit oddly I'm comfortable with that

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By *andy and DannyCouple
over a year ago

Barnstaple

I feel you're pain op , it seams as i get older it becomes more difficult to create new friends while the old buddies drift away with family and work difficulties. I hope you keep trying to get what you deserve out of life as the alternative is not a nice thought . Take care ?? dan

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By *tephanjMan
over a year ago

Kettering

I'm mostly a loner as I have no close friends. I spend my working day mostly on my own. Some days it weighs heavily on me and I feel a bit depressed. As I'm getting older it's getting worse, but I come on here and most days it cheers me up

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By *hesecretdocMan
over a year ago

Lancashire

As a fellow aspire I totally get all this!

Happy to chat or even have a beer as I'm not far from Bolton

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Currently I spend lot of my time alone. Do have some close friends but may only see once or twice a month apart from one I see weekly.

Some others chat to a lot online but not the same.

Used to be more social esp on the kink scene but like many could be at a club with load of people and still feel alone or that most would not notice if I just disappeared. Think that's why I used to crew a lot as it gave me a reason for being there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your not alone brother, your are surrounded not by strangers just friends you haven’t met yet ……

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Thought I'd try chatting in the general chat room, Didn't work as I couldn't think of what to talk about and everyone sort of knew each other so I left."

The Chat Rooms take some getting used regardless of your neurotype. I used to use them a lot in my first time here (2018) but much less so on my second and current (third) time of joining.

Many of the participants are daily users, so they’ll have that instant rapport and conversational thread; if you’re not in there all the time, you just have to get your elbows out and either get stuck into a conversation or kick your own off.

The forums are more enjoyable, IMO.

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By *ociferu69Man
over a year ago

glasgow

No , besides beeing alone is peacefull

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

When something like this gets me down, I either sleep on it and see how I am in the morning or go outside just to clear my head.

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By *aneAndTarzanCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

Make online friends as its often easier

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By *m389Man
over a year ago

Bromley

We’re not a country were it is common to just talk to random people.

In America they do it a lot more and it is much more accepted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that a lot of people have felt that way at some stage in their lives, I know both of us have when we had times of being single. The problem is, no matter what anyone says to you, it does not make it any easier. Personally, I don’t think that turning to sites like FAB is a good thing as a single male. You end up with a whole heap of rejection which can make things worse.

People will say, join a club, go to a pub, get a dog, but it’s still not easy to motivate when you feel crap. Only you can start taking the steps. Do you play video games? As they can give a degree of social interaction online.

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By *for2Man
over a year ago

Bristol

You are not alone OP. Lots of people feel the same way, unfortunately other people don't know what is inside your head or how you are feeling.I don't know if this will help but I have a strong belief that everyone and I mean everyone is on the autism spectrum from very little to very much. So, you are definitely not alone. Everybody is in the same place at times. Take care of yourself and stay safe OP

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By *r laidbackMan
over a year ago

London & New Brighton

"There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. If you’re enjoying yourself don’t sweat it. I like being on my own sometimes. "

He makes a good point, there's a big difference, when i moved up too the North, i left my friends, family and when you get to a certain age you have already established your friends, so it becomes harder to build new friendships, giving you the feeling of loneliness but like everything TIME is the answer and in time you will make a new set of friends..... i feel like singing that song ?? join in if you know it..."Friends...how many of us have them...Friends...ones we can depend on... Friends"

I'm singing alone here i think

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

All the time OP all the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

straight up OP?

this site isnt going to help. as a single guy it will make you feel worse. Get out and do something else. if you want to meet someone - try french or italian class. trust me. im only here for the pain.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think pandemic hasn't helped. I think everyone at times can feel lonely it's only natural. These days a lot of people have their own bubble of people and people find it difficult to accept newer people in. Lot of people don't reach out/ are focused on themselves which is great however sometimes a simple I'm here if you need me goes a long way for people

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By *m389Man
over a year ago

Bromley

There are friends and there are close friends.

I get the idea of doing stuff to meet people, joining clubs etc… but a lot of the time it’s stops there. You would only meet up for those club activities.

It is very hard to develop the latter, friendships that aren’t superficial and rely on some shared activity. People who would hang out for the sake of hanging out, check in on you and truly care. No

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever had moments where you can't help but feel lonely?

Perhaps I still have some problems socializing and still find it hard to approach new people. This is something I'm gonna have to work on but it won't be easy with me having Asperger's.

Until then, I'm gonna have to do my best not to feel lonely all the time as it's a right downer."

I feel you pain my friend, I'm not an outgoing person but have grown comfortable in my own company yet like yourself I can't avoid them lonely moments. Remember, it isnt always about the company you keep but how eventful you can make your life generally, but there are always lots of people to converse with in one way or another, try not to lose yourself in yourself. Stay strong!

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